# Coping with a loss



## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi all,

My beautiful cat Charlie had to be put to sleep two weeks ago after suffering with congestive heart failure.
It was a very heartbreaking decision to make, we didn't want Charlie to suffer badly and yet we didn't want to let him go ... now I am filled with a mixture of emotions ... total devastation, grieving for my boy and also feeling guilty for having a hand in his passing.

I'm sure I'm not the first to feel this way and know that time is the only healer, but right now I feel physically and emotionally injured 

Gill x


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## SomeRandomChick (Sep 11, 2011)

Welcome to the forum, and I am very sorry for your loss. I know it's a very difficult decision to make, and yet in the end, it's often the right decision for the cat. I know what you mean about the guilt too, but I hope you can take some solace in knowing that his pain and suffering is now done and he can rest. Sending warm thoughts your way.


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## Matxikatz (Oct 20, 2011)

I am really sorry for your loss. I can imagine how it must feel.
Welcome to the forum and if you feel like it tell us a bit more about Charlie.


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## Lenkolas (Jan 18, 2011)

Hey, welcome! I am very sorry for your loss and I share your pain...a lot of us came to this forum trying to find some consolation for the loss of a loved kitty. Hang in there, cry all you have to cry if you feel doing so, and think of the wonderful life you shared with your kitty. It will get better in time.

I hope you stay in the forum


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

I'm sorry to hear about Charlie. It's such an awful, sad time for those of us who not only lose the kitty, but have to live with the decision about the timing.

My sister was present when her neighbor's cat was put to sleep at her house this year. She said, "All I can say is, when it's my time to go, I hope it's that easy."


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## wondercat (Oct 11, 2011)

Hi Gill, 
I think we are in the same place, for me it's been almost 4 weeks now, I honestly dont think I could of made the call you made, my Cutie passed away in his sleep. it's crazy sometimes I get home and call on him and remember he wont be coming down the stairs. I cry lots and it sometimes helps. I started making an album of all his pictures so I can always remember him and remember how happy he was. Sometimes people dont realize how close we bond to our furry friends. Just think he is in a better place, not suffering and runing around in kitty heaven. I hope your Charlie and my Cutie find each other  lots og hugs!!! xoxo


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## Gertie (Oct 20, 2011)

Oh... I'm so sorry about that Gill. It really is heartbreaking to go through; people who don't have pets often don't understand how much we suffer when our pets are suffering or have to be put to sleep.

I went through the same thing with a cat with cancer a few years ago; not only was I feeling pretty devastated at his loss, but there was a terrible feeling of guilt at having been the final instigator of his death. Logic doesn't always win with emotions... you just have to keep reminding yourself that you were stopping the suffering and doing what was best for him. (I had to remind myself many times of the ways my cat had been showing pain in the time leading up to his death) I hope you are feeling better soon.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

When I discovered my 16 year old Maine **** lying on the floor in great distress it was just a nightmare.
I rushed her to the vet where they felt a mass in her belly, they sent me to another facility where scans reveled tumors around her spleen and in her intestines.
The only option was extensive surgery with only a little more time at best.
I couldn't put my beloved baby who had been so healthy and active all her life through this kind of ordeal at her advanced age so I made the extremely painful decision to let her go and she passed from this world to the next in my arms.
I'm driving home with my friend in a box with tears running down my face wondering what just happened, is this even real.
Just the night before everything seemed fine, we spent our normal pre bedtime together with me grooming her and now she's gone and I'm heartbroken and I feel so guilty.
It's been 5 months and the guilt still hasn't gone away entirely, I've joined this forum and learned a lot about cats that I didn't know before.
I feel that I missed some warning sign that all wasn't well, would that have made a difference if I'd gotten her to the vet months sooner, I'll never really know.
I do know that her entire life she was never injured, hurt of hungry, she was a happy and loving cat who live a very good life and had only 1 really bad day.


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## FireAsh (Jul 29, 2011)

Gill, you have my deepest sympathies. I know exactly how you feel, I had to put down my cat last week, after 11 great years. I too still feel the guilt for having a hand in her passing. I can say that it makes me feel better knowing that she isn't suffering anymore.


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## Purplefrog55 (Oct 20, 2011)

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my first only only beloved cat Nala (I had her since I was two years old) We had to put her down because her liver was failing. But at least she lived a long happy life  Before that, she went 15 years without ever getting sick.


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## Layla0710 (Nov 30, 2010)

I am so sorry for your loss. It reveals so much good about your character for not letting him suffer any longer. My heart breaks for you.

This should be every owner's mantra:
_True love is taking their pain away and making it yours._

atback


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## ARP (Oct 21, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you. My own cats are getting older and I'm afraid of the day I may have to make that decision. I try not to think about it; tears well up in my eyes at the mere thought...


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi SomeRandomChick,

Thank you so much for writing and for the welcome.

Yes ... I need to keep telling myself that Charlie is not suffering any more, I hope in time the guilt part will subside.

Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi Matxikatz and thanks for the welcome.

Yes I will tell you all more about Charlie when I can write about him without crying.

Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi Lenkolas, 

Thanks for your kind words ... it's good to know I'm amongst people who can fully understand what I'm going through.
I am certainly going to stay here.

Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi October,

Charlie looked very like the cat you have as your avatar ... is that your own cat?

Your sister is right ... we all want a peaceful and dignified ending.

Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi wondercat,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Cutie, I'm glad you were spared that awful decision that some of us have to make ... I was hoping Charlie would pass away in his sleep.

I too keep expecting Charlie to appear in his usual places around the house, I've imagined I've seen him and then the awful realisation of what has happened hits me.
I cry a lot too, especially during the night ... my sleep patterns have gone haywire since he's gone and I find myself waking at all times of the night, then the tears start.

Making an album of Cutie's photos is a lovely idea, I'd like to do one of Charlie.

It's a nice thought that Cutie and Charlie may meet up in cat heaven 

Take care,
Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi Gertie,

Thanks for taking the time to write. I agree people without pets don't have a clue about the pain of losing a beloved pet in whatever circumstances. 
It can be as bad as losing a relative, in fact sometimes worse as many people are closer to their pets than their family.

I'm so sorry you lost your cat to cancer and had to go through the pain of making that hard decision, we all hope that our pets will pass away naturally but it's not often that it happens that way.

I know that in time these feelings I have will fade.

Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi cooncatbob,

Thanks for your message. My heart goes out to you ... I'm so sorry you lost your beloved cat. 
It must have been such a terrible shock to your to discover what she had wrong with her, so sudden.

I had a cat who died of cancer 4 years ago, there weren't any signs at all ... then all of a sudden she stopped eating and started to collapse, that's when I discovered that she had a tumour.
So I'm sure you wouldn't have known that your cat had cancer, unfortunately cats are very good at hiding the fact that they are ill and only show symptoms all too often when it's too late.

I'm glad to know that she had a long and happy life without trauma, I'm sure she was a very beautiful lady.

Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi Fireash,

I'm so very sorry you lost your cat so recently, I share your sorrow.

It seems that feeling guilty is an emotion that we all feel when we've had to help our pets on their way, we just have to go through it I guess :-(

Take care,
Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi Purplefrog55,

Thanks for writing and may I say how sorry I am that you lost Nala, you had her such a long time.
I'm glad that she had a long and happy life without illness.

Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi Layla0710,

Thank you for your kind words, they help so much.

That saying is so touching ... made me choke up.

Gill


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## cool4cats (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi Arp,

Thanks for writing. 

Enjoy your cats and try not to think that way ... I have other older cats too and I find myself appreciating them even more since I lost Charlie.

Take care,
Gill


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