# boyfriend/girlfriend jealousy



## Lucas718 (Feb 19, 2012)

I had Ziggy for 9 years before my wife moved in. He slept in the bed with us right up until he died. He wouldn't stay there the entire night, he'd jump up when we went to bed and usually stay for an hour before going off to do his own thing. At no time did my wife ever utter a word about this being a problem for her. 

Now we've adopted little Gazoo. Over the past week he has jumped up in the bed each night and stayed there until morning. He'll usually curl up on my chest or shoulder or sometimes right in the space between us. Suddenly now, it's as if I've thrown a snake on her. She says she doesn't want him in the bed, that he has his own room full of toys and a cat bed and he should be in there. She cites allergies as a reason. I'm not convinced. She did just fine in the house with Ziggy around for 4 years. She said Gazoo needs to learn boundaries. 

The other morning she awoke in the middle of the night, found him in the bed and carried him off to the spare bedroom. Of course he came right back and she got all bent out of shape and went of to sleep on the couch crying. 

It lead to a big argument. I feel she's being ridiculous. I don't think this is even about the kitten. I think she's testing me to see if I'll side with her over the cat. I knew she was insecure, but to me , this is messed up in the head, need some serious therapy type of insecure. 

I feel World War III is coming. Has anybody had to deal with anything like this? Am I being unreasonable?


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

Is it really a big deal to you that he sleeps with you or are you just arguing for the principle of it all? 

I like sleeping with the cats and it's not a big deal to ME but it is apparently a big deal to HER. If my SO told me he didn't want MowMow in the bed I would buck because MowMow was around before him and is my little heart kitty HOWEVER if it were any other cat I would cave to make SO happy. 

So, if it were me I would give in to make her happy. It does sound like you have lots of other issues ya'all need to deal with though.


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## cinderflower (Apr 22, 2012)

i completely understand the siamese issue. 3 out of 4 of mine are, i just prefer them. although the kitten i got after my first siamese passed is not really too much like a siamese lol  (he has . . . personality issues)

baci (the second one) doesn't demand constant attention. houdini likes it but doesn't demand it. i would say my neediest cat has been the DSH.

i think you should go ahead and get a kitten and bring it home as a surprise. i think it will grow on her. but if it doesn't, i am not responsible LOL j/k. i do think maybe she has preconceived ideas about the breed that will change once she's around one. i've known a lot of people who thought they were mean and evil before they met mine, and were really shocked.

if she would leave you over a cat, i don't really know what to think about the relationship. it isn't for me to judge, but if i were in the same situation i think i'd have to choose the cat.


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## Lucas718 (Feb 19, 2012)

Like I said, I don't think it's even about the cat. I'm more shocked at her deciding this is the way things are going to be without ever discussing it with me.


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

Did she end up crying on the couch because the cat came back...or because of the conversation with you after the cat came back? If it's the former...she's a whack job. If it's the latter, then it's about you and you need to find out what's going on...


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## lovetimesfour (Dec 1, 2010)

No, oh no. No one should EVER bring home a pet as a "surprise" especially when the other person has already said they do not want a certain type of pet. You can't force someone to love an animal, and _it is the animal who suffers_.

The girlfriend's concern about Siamese is legitimate. She knows what she can tolerate and what she can't. Siamese are wonderful cats, but they are not for everyone. They should go to the shelter together and choose a pet they both can love.

Back on topic, to the OP. Sounds like you need to get to the bottom of what is the problem with your wife, why she doesn't want the kitten to sleep in the bed. It sounds like this goes a lot deeper than the kitten sleeping in the bed.

Cats can be trained to not sleep in the same bed as the humans. See if she would accept a cat bed set up on your side of the bed, at the same level as the bed, so the kitty can sleep near you, at least.

Making a kitten spend the whole night alone seems cruel to me, unless someone is home with her all day long. Kittens need companionship. How about adding another?


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

I would put the cat out of the bedroom for a while and see if that solves the problem. If other things start to crop up as a "problem" with your wife, then you'll know it isn't just the cat and then do consider marital counselling. Certain cats _can_ have more allergens than others, and she may well have allergies to this particular cat when she didn't to Ziggy. I wouldn't just dismiss this complaint.


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## Jacq (May 17, 2012)

I can sort of sympathize with the wife. It sounds like Ziggy may have predated her. If that's the case, then she was maybe being respectful in allowing him on the bed, but she doesn't want that behavior to continue.

And with the allergies, well... I know it's difficult, but I didn't ever realize the extent of my _own_ allergies to cats until I lived pet-free for a few months. Your wife may have realized just how uncomfortable it was to be congested while sleeping when she finally had a break. Or maybe Gazoo has more dander than Ziggy did, or maybe it's something else.

I agree with others that this doesn't sound exactly like it's about the cat. However, if your choosing your new kitten over your wife, I think you should ask yourself why you're more emotionally attached to one than the other. :/


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## LaurulFeatherCat (Sep 16, 2011)

Never had a cat take offense against a love interest. My Cocker Spaniel, however, used to urinate on my male dates. Got to the point I had to put Nicky in the back yard when my dates came to pick me up. The cats just stared at them, and if they said they did not like cats, that meant the cats would be all over my date.


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## Arianwen (Jun 3, 2012)

My nephew's cat attacked a couple of his girl-friends! He is now marrried with three kids (and the same cat plus two kittens) so it wasn't completely insurmountable. I think a jealous person may be harder to deal with!!

To go back to the original posting, I think you both need to sit down when you are both calm and talk about what is really going on. I admit that I wouldn't be happy with someone freaking about an animal but this may really be about something completely different.


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