# Girl/Boy friend jealous of your cat



## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Now many of us have had their kitty get jealous of their Girl/Boy friend but what do you do when your mate is jealous of the relationship you have with your cat?
Now my ex and myself were an ordinary looking couple, we're never going to be on the cover of people magazine. 
Now Samantha was a different matter entirely, she was a pure blood Blue Torbie Maine **** Cat with a pedigree as long as your arm.
I'm not bragging but she was drop dead gorgeous and her sweet disposition was even better then her looks.
Now Samantha was 2 years old when I met my ex, spoiled rotten and totally bonded with her Papa, she was rather indifferent to other people unless they put forth the effort to win her affection.
Now my ex was jealous of Samantha and when we got a place together expected Samantha to obey her.
Samantha remained true to her nature and indifferent to my ex.
Now she would complain to me about the cat and I'd tell her Samantha's a cat you need to win her over.
Instead of this my ex felt the need to get a cat of her own, she befriended a little stray that was hanging around our house.
This was Little Chiquita, she's a good cat but sometimes especially if she see a cat through the window goes all feral and attacks Samantha.
This was a bone of contention as I would not tolerate fighting .
About a year later my ex left, her leaving wasn't cat related, the cats tolerate each other.
What ticks me off to this day is she left her cat and has never inquired about it since.
I think she only wanted a cat because I had a cat and my cat ignored her.
Samantha recently passed away at 16 and Little Chiquita now 12 has been a great comfort to me.
Anyone else have problems with their human partners and their Cat.
I can say our pets never have hidden motives, they get jealous when they believe they're not getting the attention they were used to.
The cure for that is both people bonding with the cat and loving it.
Human relationships are much harder, there's a lot of unspoken expectations.


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## Jan Rebecca (Oct 14, 2010)

I feel sometimes like my husband gets jealous of the cats and the attention they get but he would never admit that I'm sure.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

I was so worried introducing MowMow to my current SO. I knew he tolerated cats and would TRY to get along because it meant a lot to me. It went down SOO differently than I anticipated. They adore each other. He has pictures of MowMow hanging in his office and uses his picture as an avatar in forums and on FB. When he's up here from AZ MowMow climbs all over him and they are best buds.

I've asked him before if it bothers him how close MowMow and I are and he thinks it's "endearing" and that we are "a package deal, he loves us both".


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## saitenyo (Nov 28, 2010)

My boyfriend and I adopted our cats together, so there wasn't much issue there. Now, my bf has had cats most of his life, and knew more about how to interact them with me, but he did get a little frustrated with Apollo at times. Apollo was a new challenge for us both, being very stubborn and hyper and difficult to train.

I used to worry that he didn't like Apollo, or regretted us getting him, but now I often see him cuddling with him, playing with him, calling him, "My boy," and such. So clearly they did manage to bond. He's never gotten jealous of the cats though. The cats like us pretty equally, and I give both him and them equal attention. And he's probably a little relieved when Apollo gives me more attention because Apollo can be...demanding.  I think if anything, he's really glad we got cats because he sees how much I needed this. He's commented many times on how much happier I've been since getting cats. I just cannot thrive without some little furry companion to care for, and I was really missing my childhood dog since moving away from home.

No offense cooncatbob, but I would be very frustrated with your partner's attitude about that whole thing. I don't think I could tolerate that sort of behavior in a partner. It is a shame that she just abandoned her cat, but you are both probably better off without someone like that in your life.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

saitenyo said:


> My boyfriend and I adopted our cats together, so there wasn't much issue there. Now, my bf has had cats most of his life, and knew more about how to interact them with me, but he did get a little frustrated with Apollo at times. Apollo was a new challenge for us both, being very stubborn and hyper and difficult to train.
> 
> I used to worry that he didn't like Apollo, or regretted us getting him, but now I often see him cuddling with him, playing with him, calling him, "My boy," and such. So clearly they did manage to bond. He's never gotten jealous of the cats though. The cats like us pretty equally, and I give both him and them equal attention. And he's probably a little relieved when Apollo gives me more attention because Apollo can be...demanding.  I think if anything, he's really glad we got cats because he sees how much I needed this. He's commented many times on how much happier I've been since getting cats. I just cannot thrive without some little furry companion to care for, and I was really missing my childhood dog since moving away from home.
> 
> No offense cooncatbob, but I would be very frustrated with your partner's attitude about that whole thing. I don't think I could tolerate that sort of behavior in a partner. It is a shame that she just abandoned her cat, but you are both probably better off without someone like that in your life.


No offense taken.
I consider taking in a small furry animal a binding contact, you agree to care for and love them and they provide loyalty and unconditional love in return.
I was and still am appalled that she just left her cat like it was nothing and it speaks volumes about her character.
I still perplexed that she was jealous of Samantha, all she had to do was put forth the effort to win Samantha over, Samantha was well worth the effort, she was a gentle soul and a loving and loyal friend, the fact that she didn't faun over just anyone was one of her more endearing qualities.


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## saitenyo (Nov 28, 2010)

cooncatbob said:


> No offense taken.
> I consider taking in a small furry animal a binding contact, you agree to care for and love them and they provide loyalty and unconditional love in return.
> I was and still am appalled that she just left her cat like it was nothing and it speaks volumes about her character.
> I still perplexed that she was jealous of Samantha, all she had to do was put forth the effort to win Samantha over, Samantha was well worth the effort, she was a gentle soul and a loving and loyal friend, the fact that she didn't faun over just anyone was one of her more endearing qualities.


Agreed 100%

Maybe Samantha sensed something about her character early on too? I've found my pets to be very telling in who they do or do not warm up to. Every former friend I had when I was growing up, whom my dog did not like, ended up being someone who betrayed or wronged me in some major way later on. Our pets can be very smart and see things we may not notice right away!


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## lisak_87 (Jun 2, 2011)

Fortunately for me, Buzzy is a love bug to EVERYone he meets. Cat haters love Buzzy...and he spreads the love pretty evenly. Now, he and I have a special bond, and my boyfriend knows this... but Buzzy makes sure to spend some evenings just with him.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

saitenyo said:


> Agreed 100%
> 
> Maybe Samantha sensed something about her character early on too? I've found my pets to be very telling in who they do or do not warm up to. Every former friend I had when I was growing up, whom my dog did not like, ended up being someone who betrayed or wronged me in some major way later on. Our pets can be very smart and see things we may not notice right away!


I agree some but not all pets can be very good judges of character.
The cat I had before the Samantha, my beloved Meme who I still miss after almost 16 years, was an exceptional judge of character.








She adored my life long pal Lance who would care for her when I went out of town on business trips, but she didn't like Earline an old flame and would jump on the couch between us, facing me with her back to Earline.
I thought at the time it was just jealousy on Meme's part, but time showed her to be right as this person betrayed my trust.
We'd be well advised to listen to our small friends, some of them are very perceptive and not clouded by emotion.


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## Abbie (Jan 13, 2011)

My OH knows how much the girls mean to me. We adopted them together, so there isn't a jealousy issue there. I give the girls a LOT of attention, they sleep on our bed, follow me constantly... He does comment that "they love you more than me", but he doesn't really mind. He knows I'm very animal oriented, whilst he has a go-karting hobby! He can't be that jealous anyway, he's agreed that when we move house (over August) I (we!) can get a kitten once we're settled (he also agreed to a puppy... 3 cats and a dog! )


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## dweamgoil (Feb 3, 2010)

First there was the baby and the SO was being a bigger baby than the infant about it. Then, there was the parrot, whom I formula fed since it fledged, and the significant other got jealous over her, too. Then, after we pondered divorced and he had moved out of the house for some time, I got the cats. When we thought about reconciling, he was already trying to set rules over who slept where, and where the cats were 'allowed' to go and other such nonsense....moral of the story: keep the animals, lose the stupid human.


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## bkitty (Aug 17, 2009)

After learning a harsh lesson with my ex any future dates or boyfriends had to "pass the cat test". And here we are... married for 30 yrs and the servants to 6 majorly spoiled cats. During the last 30 years I've seen the hubby get up in the middle of the night to nurse bottlebabies, sleep in very uncomfortable positions so he wouldn't disturb the cat, and be a complaining kittyperch. Yep, I say he passed the cat test!


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## trexmommy (Mar 24, 2010)

I was 15 when I met my now hubby, and I think he figured out quickly that I was an animal person... he could drive so I immediately enlisted him to take me to and from the pet adoption events I volunteered at lol. I lived with my parents who had 7 dogs and 3 cats (plus the kitties we were fostering at the time). He knew how I was. I didnt agree with his families raising of animals and had to 'teach' him. 

Well, about a year ago we decided we werent having any more kids (bad genes) so I wanted something else... so I went back to my roots and finally got some kitties. I went and got them, I pay for all vet care, food and toys and do all the the feeding and litterbox chores etc. Hubby claims he doesnt care either way as long as I take care of all that, but he enjoys loving on them, playing with them and having them sleep with us so I guess we call it a happy compromise for us. 

I knew I'd have an animal home some day  Of course I learned from the best -- my dad said 'no' to each and every one of the animals we had growing up and my mom just ignored him and he got over it cause he knew/knows it makes her happy.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

dweamgoil said:


> When we thought about reconciling, he was already trying to set rules over who slept where, and where the cats were 'allowed' to go and other such nonsense....moral of the story: keep the animals, lose the stupid human.


Yeah, I don't get stuff like this. In my head it goes in the same category as "My wife said I could get a cat but it has to be declawed" or "The husband said the kids can have a kitten but it has to live outside."

Me not being with someone like that has NOTHING to do with the animal...but the attitude that person has in general. I'm not going to be with someone who places controls on everything I want/do. If I want to sleep on a bed with 3 cats then dammit you can either join us or sleep on the couch


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## trexmommy (Mar 24, 2010)

MowMow said:


> If I want to sleep on a bed with 3 cats then dammit you can either join us or sleep on the couch


:luv :love2:smiles

I love this


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## Sinatra-Butters (Aug 9, 2010)

Eric never gets jealous of them, but sometimes I do see him feeling a little neglected since I place so much importance on the cats at all times. When that happens I just give him a little extra loving.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

If I had a girl friend who's cat was indifferent to me I'd take up the challenge and win it's trust.
First off you have to show them you're not a threat to take away what's theirs, but another human to lavish them with love.
They you show them you mean what you say, provide them with treats and pets and praise, you'll soon win their heart and the girl's to.
When she see you put forth the effort to win her pets love she be yours.
Win win situation.


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## Hitomi (Nov 15, 2010)

I had a ex a few months back right after I got Boo who said I could keep the cat(talking about Boo not his kitten who he was determined to keep) if I had kids.Like I could!They'd be born half dead and I'd probably die in the process(really really bad genetics).He would also complain when I'd buy Boo and his cat good cat food and toys.Then there was the "Why do you take them to the vet you don't care about my health!" fight.Finally I dumped him when he said I wasn't trying to comprise about the "you can only keep your cat if you pop out a few very unhealthy babies and maybe die while your at it just to keep me happy".


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## Kobster (Feb 1, 2007)

My boyfriend is pre-emptively jealous of my cats. He hasn't even asked me out yet, too much pressure.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Kobster said:


> My boyfriend is pre-emptively jealous of my cats. He hasn't even asked me out yet, too much pressure.


What a dope, he could have gotten in your good graces by winning the trust of your kitties, your better off though sounds like he's insecure and needy.


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## Lineth (Apr 12, 2011)

*Mine is the opposite lol*

Well, I got my Danna because I thought she was going to die because she was so skinny poor baby. Anyways, I got her and I was kind frustrated because my husband did not want a cat but I am feminist so I don't care what he thought lol I do care but if I wanted a cat I wanted a cat. Well, he wasn't fond of getting a pet because we had never had a pet before. But when I brought her home she started to follow him more than me and he kept warming up to her. Well, fast forward to now he can't live without Danna. We can't go nowhere because he gets paranoid that Danna is by herself at home when we leave for a couple of hours. Ohh, he even makes songs for her and sings to her awwwwwwwwwwww I think I am jealous of Danna now lol...I love her and I am glad she is daddy's little girl!!!


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Lineth said:


> Well, I got my Danna because I thought she was going to die because she was so skinny poor baby. Anyways, I got her and I was kind frustrated because my husband did not want a cat but I am feminist so I don't care what he thought lol I do care but if I wanted a cat I wanted a cat. Well, he wasn't fond of getting a pet because we had never had a pet before. But when I brought her home she started to follow him more than me and he kept warming up to her. Well, fast forward to now he can't live without Danna. We can't go nowhere because he gets paranoid that Danna is by herself at home when we leave for a couple of hours. Ohh, he even makes songs for her and sings to her awwwwwwwwwwww I think I am jealous of Danna now lol...I love her and I am glad she is daddy's little girl!!!


When I was a child we had lots of critters, a dog, cats, rabbits and even rats.
When I was on my own most of the apartments where I live don't allow pets, so I no longer had daily exposure to pets.
The company where I worked always had an office cat but I worked in the shop at the other end of the warehouse.
I got on with old Riley, I'd bring him catnip plants from the local nursery, that cat had a catnip problem his eyes would glaze over and he'd start to drool and the next day he'd be hung over.
Anyway the girls there rescued an abandon cat that was hanging around, she had a squeaky meow so I suggested we name her Meme.
One day when most of the girls were out of the office on a road trip I'm talking to Lisa the office manager and Meme is just going nuts rubbing on my sneakers, turns out she was bound and determine to make me her human whether I wanted to be or not.
I wasn't able to resist the power of her unconditional love and eventually took her home where we had a happy life together until she passed away.
After that I could never bear to be cat less again, I don't know why but she absolutely adored me, she would climb in my lap and press her head against my chest, this was her way of asking for a hug.
I'd hug her and she would just glow with kitty happiness, she's been gone almost 16 years but the memory still touches my heart.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

I actually asked SO about this tonight when he called and we discussed it for a bit. According to him he "can't wrap his head around how someone could be jealous of the attention given to an animal." and "somebody has to be pretty insecure in themselves that they think affection given to someone/something else means their partner loves them less."

Also "the capability to so love an animal shows an amazingly large heart and that's the kind of person everyone should be looking for, not be jealous about."

 He's such a keeper.


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## dweamgoil (Feb 3, 2010)

mowmow said:


> he "can't wrap his head around how someone could be jealous of the attention given to an animal." and "somebody has to be pretty insecure in themselves that they think affection given to someone/something else means their partner loves them less."
> 
> also "the capability to so love an animal shows an amazingly large heart and that's the kind of person everyone should be looking for, not be jealous about."


Amen!!!


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## jason420 (May 17, 2011)

I _became_ a cat person because of my g/f's two DSHs. 

Thought it was a little weird how much she cared for them when we first met. At 27 years old I'd never owned a pet besides a guinea pig that didnt like me, so its understandable. But over time the little critters grew on me and the four of us now have a great relationship with one another and I really love them kitties. Both the g/f and the cats totally enhanced my life.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

My ex turned out to be rather insecure, we were a ordinary looking couple and I think the combination that Samantha was absolutely gorgeous and totally devoted to me and indifferent to her.
She wasn't a cat person and didn't understand them, she often tried to boss the cat around when she was just being a cat.
On day I got tired of it and told to just leave the cat alone, she's not bothering you.
She got all offended, turned out that Samantha was a lot better friend then she ever was.
Any future girl friend is going to have to pass the cat test.


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## Machez (May 23, 2011)

Opposite problem here. When the woman I am seeing is around my Manx is jealous. If my lady-pal hugs me that cat looks so disturbed...


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

Machez said:


> Opposite problem here. When the woman I am seeing is around my Manx is jealous. If my lady-pal hugs me that cat looks so disturbed...


 Maybe the cat is just worried that will result in a litter of kittens it'll have to deal with.


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## trexmommy (Mar 24, 2010)

MowMow said:


> Maybe the cat is just worried that will result in a litter of kittens it'll have to deal with.


:lol: hahahaha I almost fell off the couch when I read this


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Machez said:


> Opposite problem here. When the woman I am seeing is around my Manx is jealous. If my lady-pal hugs me that cat looks so disturbed...


Now that normal, the cat sees the lady friend as a rival taking what she believes is her's, your attention.
What needs to happen is you both need to pay more attention to the kitty, that way the lady friend isn't a rival but an asset, another person to love her and give her pets.


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## Machez (May 23, 2011)

MowMow said:


> Maybe the cat is just worried that will result in a litter of kittens it'll have to deal with.


That won't be an issue fortunately.


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## Viljaana (Oct 6, 2010)

It is sad to read your stories, because I'm affraid that I'm in a similar sitsuation:

My loving Siamese passed away just before my girlfriend moved in. She too has a cat, but the devotion of mine was a bit too much for her. We both felt, that we/I should get another cat for me to cuddle and for our DSH to play with. The current cat likes humans and attencion, but doesn't like to sit on ones lap.

It's been over six months and I'm still looking for a cat. I'd love to get another Siamese, I even know a breeder who has kittens, but my spouse is against the breed. She is affraid that a Siamese will not leave her alone and will be demanding constant attencion.

Evenso I love the Siamese. I love the loud voice, having allways an oppinion . I love the cuddling. And I love their looks and the aura of knowing, they were once worshiped as gods. No other breed has that.

I'm not leaving her for a cat I don't even have yet, but I hate to take a cat, she hates already, to our house. She knows how much I need this kitten, but it seems to bother her so much.


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