# How do you cope?



## PurrrfectCompanion (Jun 22, 2008)

I had a cat named Minnie who was hit by a car and it was completely my fault. Let me explain. 

When Minnie came to me she was an outdoor cat that my grandmother couldn't take care of any more. I didn't want her to be an outdoor cat because I get paranoid that something will happen to my cats if they are outdoor cats. So I made her an indoor cat. I had her for five years, years that she spent in my apartment running around and acting crazy. She always would try to get out of the place every time a door opened but I usually was able to keep my eye on her. The very few times she did get out, she always came back in a matter of hours. 

One night, six months ago, she got out and I thought "Well she'll come back like she always does" but as luck would have it she was hit by a car. I found her body in the gutter right outside my apartment building. I looked like she was crossing the street to come home but she didn't make it as I live in a high traffic area. I still cry about her and I feel so horrible. If I would have just gone after her she might still be alive. I should have never assumed that she would be safe. 

Is this my fault? I just feel like it is and I can't stop my self from thinking things would have been different if I would have just chased after her, you know? Anyway thanks for a kind ear. 

--Liza


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## talullah (May 25, 2008)

When this happens, ALL of us feel that it's our fault somehow no matter the circumstance surrounding their death. We're responsible for every part of their life, so why wouldn't we feel that it's our fault? Its normal but it's not your fault. 

How do you know that you would have caught her if you had gone after her? If you caught her that day, who's to say that it might have happened the next day? This situation happened before, so how were you supposed to know the outcome THIS time? 

Hon, sometimes things just don't make a whole lot of sense. I'm so sorry for your loss and I wish there was some way to take the pain away from you. I know we all share your grief because so many of us have been there.

So many of us have done just about everything humanly possible to prevent the illness and/or death of our beloved pets. Regardless, we all come to the same spot in our life where we believe that we could have done more to prevent it.

Know that I hurt for you and with you. Take care of yourself.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

Liza, I'm so sorry you lost your little friend. But as Tallulah said the odds are that you couldn't have caught her, unless she wanted to come in. You probably added five years to her life by making her an indoor cat. I hope that God blesses you with peace of mind in the knowledge that your Minnie is with Him. You'll see her again.


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## dittlekins (Jun 25, 2008)

I'm really sorry to hear what happened. I know what it's like to blame yourself when you lose something you love.

I had a wonderful calico cat named Makoto during my teen years. When I was around 18 I went to live with my grandmother temporarily because of family problems. Not because I was a trouble maker, but it was a complicated situation. 

I took Makoto with me and we lived there for a time until my mom persuaded me to move in with her. Her husband at the time could not be so easily persuaded to let me bring my cat, though.

Before I could get Makoto moved back in with me, my grandma arranged for a co-worker to take her (without my permission). With all the other things going on in my life at the time, I accepted what she did though I couldn't understand it. I now know she was experiencing some dementia and probably thought she was doing the right thing.

So, it's not really a death, but it was a huge loss for me. That was 5 years ago and I still cry when I get to thinking about it. It's hard not to torture myself sometimes with questions of why I didn't try to get her back. I've prayed all these years that she is alive and having a happy life, but I have no way of knowing.

As far as coping, you just can't beat yourself up over it. It's so easy to get down on yourself, or blame yourself. You just can't do it though, or you'll never give yourself a chance to heal. It just takes time. LOTS of time. There may always be a piece of your heart that breaks when you think about it, but you can't dwell on it. 

I'm not very experienced with dealing with greif, I don't even really remember how I got over not having Makoto anymore. It just takes time and a lot of things to take your mind off of it I guess. The fact that it still hurts me sometimes to think about her probably means I'm not even completely healed up, but 6 months in I'm sure you're still feeling pretty raw about the whole thing. I hope you can find some comfort and at least convince yourself that it's not your fault, because it isn't.


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