# My little Jessi is gone.



## Aayla (Dec 30, 2004)

Hi, 

I haven't posted in a long time. I got a lot of help on this forum and it's the first place I thought of to come back to since my cat Jessi (male-the orange one in the picture) was put down on Tuesday.

After noticing he had been struggling to breathe, we took him to the vet and they confirmed that he had fluid in his lungs. He either had congestive heart failure or a tumour. Neither of which could be corrected. 

So, at 11 years old, he's gone and I feel like my heart has been ripped out. It was very hard to let him go. He's my baby and I love him and will miss him so much.  

I know it'll get easier, I know that it takes time, but I really favoured this little guy and it's hard for me to believe he's not here and that I can't ever touch him or play with him or kiss his little head again.  

I still have one cat and am worried about how this will affect her.  

I don't know why I'm posting. I just thought that maybe it would help. Thanks for listening. 

Edit: I have been reading the other posts and feel so sad for everyone who has lost a pet. I liked the poems as well, even though they made me cry like a baby.


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## EmmaG (Jan 7, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss Aayla,

posting about lucy really helped me come to terms with her passing, all I can say is that time does heal.


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## Aayla (Dec 30, 2004)

Thanks, Emma. I'm sorry for your loss as well. I am hoping that being here will help.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

Aayla, My heart goes out to you. I have lost some much loved pets, and the pain if agonizing. I wish you peace and wonderful memories.


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## Lori (Jun 8, 2003)

I'm so sorry about Jessi.


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## MA (Mar 30, 2004)

I feel for your loss. May the memories of your beloved Jessi warm your heart.


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## Aayla (Dec 30, 2004)

Thank you guys so much. I thought that Thursday was the worse, but today I came home with groceries, expecting him to come down the stairs, poke his little head between the bannister and wait there until I had removed enough groceries from the bags so he could lie down on them.  It made me cry and miss him all the more. 

Has anyone gotten another cat right away to help the pain? Does that even help? My husband suggested getting another for Millie as she seems out of sorts. I kind of want one, but I'd want the exact same colouring. Is that weird. I think to myself I'd even want to call him Jessi. Is that psycho? I just miss him so bad.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

It's perfectly understandable, but you know that kitten will have its own personality, and will never be Jessi. I guess I did that for years. I loved my black cat, and called every black cat after that Blacky. Finally, I realized that no cat could replace my last Blacky, who lived 16 years, and I retired the name in his honor. That is another way to honor Jessi. 

As far as getting a kitten is concerned, I know it would be right for me, because kittens are so needy, and keeping busy helps the pain. Walk through a shelter, and one of the kittens or cats will speak to your heart. If one doesn't, and it just upsets you more, the time is not right. If you want to save a life, adopt an adult cat. They are often doomed after only a few days.  Almost everyone wants kittens.


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## Aayla (Dec 30, 2004)

Poor Blacky. Thats a nice honour.

Yes, that is what I'm thinking is it's not fair to the kitten that he try to replace a cat who could never be replaced. I think I might do up a collage with pictures and a poem for him. Something like that. 

Yeah that's how I am. Keeping busy helps me a lot. Today is my first day off since and my hubby is out getting some stuff at the store and I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. Jeeze. This is really harsh. I'm going to try to make some cookies for hubby that I started last night.

We did adopt Millie who is also 11. I feel bad for her as it's only been two years. She's extremely playful and I wonder if she'd be okay with a kitten. Hmm.. I'll take your advice and go visit a shelter. 

Thank you so much for your time and suggestions, Jeanie. It helps. I'm going to get off my butt now and do something.  Try to remember good times with him.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

Please let us know how the visit to the shelter works out.


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## ZAR (Aug 26, 2005)

Aayla said:


> Hi,
> 
> I haven't posted in a long time. I got a lot of help on this forum and it's the first place I thought of to come back to since my cat Jessi (male-the orange one in the picture) was put down on Tuesday.
> 
> ...


Oh how sad, I'm so sorry for you  

-HEYHWA


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## Aayla (Dec 30, 2004)

Thank you, HEYHWA. That's very sweet of you. We picked up Jessi's ashes yesterday. It was very hard to see that he fits in this little tiny ceramic urn. At first, all we could do is cry, then I popped the urn into my backpack and we went to run some errands, referring to Jessi every once in a while. It got easier. It's good to have him home with us. We put him either in his basket where he always felt comfy and safe, or in the rooms we're in. It really has helped a little bit.

Every day is a struggle, but I know time heals us. 

Jeanie, we did look at online shelters and saw a sweet little 2 year old female torte that looks a lot like Millie! We're going to visit her this week. We'll see how things go.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

I'll keep you in my thoughts.


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## Aayla (Dec 30, 2004)

Thanks Jeanie. 

I've had a couple of really rough nights, missing Jessi so much. Do other people have such a difficult time coming to terms with losing a pet or is it just me? Sometimes I feel as though I'll never get over this. My heart feels wrenched, my gut kicked in.  

I miss him so much it hurts. I've read half a dozen poems and not one of them make me feel any better. They only make me feel much worse. 

It's been 17 days. I removed his bedding from his basket and replaced it with a different blanket, thinking it would help me not to feel as empty when I looked at his empty basket. It doesn't. 

Some good news is that we did look at a few cats and kittens and decided to adopt a kitten. He's really sweet and cute and has a lot of character. We like him a lot. We get him sometime this weekend and I'm looking forward to it.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

I'm so pleased for you! Of course, this kitten will be a sweet little tornado, and will keep you busy. We'll want to see pictures of your new baby!

Aayla, you'll never forget Jessi. Life is bittersweet. We have our pets for such a short length of time, but we are so fortunate to have them in our lives. The acute pain will gradually lessen, but if something brings Jessi to mind, you might laugh about his antics or cry because you miss him so much. That's just an indication of your love for him. You'll see him again. God bless.


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## Aayla (Dec 30, 2004)

Thank you, Jeanie. Yes, we think that we'll be kept busy with our new little kitten, and hopefully he'll ease the transition too. 

I'll post a picture or two when we get him.  I actually looked at some of the pictures in another section on the website and it was great to see such love and gorgeous cats!  Made me smile.


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## Aayla (Dec 30, 2004)

The new kitten is great! I love him! He gets along really well with our older cat. They play together all day and sleep together. The little guy who is about 8 weeks now, nurses from the older female cat though. It's really strange. She seems to really like it a lot too. 

Is that normal? Is it okay?! 

The new kitten seems to have lifted a lot of the depression I'd gotten into after losing Jessi. I still look at his pictures and videos and think of him often, but it's less painful than it was. My heart still hurts like mad when I see something that the new kitty does that reminds me of Jessi or whatever, but it's still not as bad as how it was. I have Jessi (urn) beside my bed so that he's close to me always. 
 

Thanks so very much for all of your support, again. It really made a difference to me! I'm going to try to post a pic soon.


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