# Stray cat...help



## coalesce99

Hey everyone,

Over the last couple of weeks, I've noticed this cat show up at our back door a couple of times. It was always in the middle of the night.

Then, about a week ago, she showed up during the day. I assume she's a female based on her colors...is she a "Torbie"?

She was skinny. We've been feeding her for the past week or so.

We think she's previously been around people. She layed on my wife's lap.
So far we haven't been letting her in the house. We have two sons, 3 and 6.

I put an ad on craigslist to try to find her owners, but so far no response. We took her up to petsmart to see if she had a microchip, but she doesn't. Should I put up signs in the neighborhood?

I don't know what to do.

My older son really wants to keep her. Allergies are a concern, but it seems some cats bother us and others don't.

Also, I have a nearly crippling fear of change...just being honest there. It's easy to dismiss, but understand that for me it is very real. 

I talked with a rescue group locally. They're at capacity, but they can do her basics (spaying/shots/exam) for $90. A friend of ours who is a cat lover has offered to foster her. Or we may keep her. I don't know.

So anyway, what should we do? Are we doing the right things?










She wants in the house badly


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## marie73

Oh, holy crap!

I was holding strong in favor of your friend fostering her until I saw the second picture!!!! If I saw her at my door doing that, I'd melt!

She's adorable! 

It's great that you put an ad up and had her checked for a microchip. You're probably checking the "lost" ads, too. 

If allergies aren't acting up around her, I say give it a try. Kind of sounds like you've already fallen for her. :grin:


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## shan841

Awww my gosh she is irresistable! She has chosen you and unfortunately she has probably been abandoned. I would absolutely bring her in or take your friend up on the offer to foster her. Sooner rather than later, as she will wind up pregnant if she isnt already.


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## LaurulFeatherCat

Thank you for feeding her and checking for a microchip. I do understand your fear of change and I know it is a very difficult thing to live with. She sounds like a wonderful abandoned pet and it would be great if you could keep her, but if your anxiety is too high to take her in, it would probably be best to get her fostered ASAP. There are so many dangers out there for outdoor cats; dogs, wild animals, cars, diseases and of course pregnancy. 
Hope you can find a way to keep her. She looks like a darling. And, again, thank you for caring enough to help her.


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## coalesce99

Thanks everybody.

We brought her in last night. Everything went pretty well. She used the litterbox just fine.

She did bite me at one point. I think she was hungry. But we weren't supposed to feed her after 10 PM. She's actually at the vet today for spaying and checkup/shots. We went through a rescue group.

I wasn't petting her when she bit me. She just sort of had this...almost playful look about her and then nipped my foot. It didn't break the skin.

So anyway yeah, like I said I have what I would call a severe fear of change, so I'm going to see my counselor here in a bit.

My six year old really really wants to keep the cat. Not sure what I'll do.

Regardless, my conscience is clear. We've fed this starving cat, and either we will adopt her, or someone else will (the rescue group is no-kill of course).

Thanks everybody!


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## HLF489

She is absolutely beautiful! If I saw her at my door I wouldn't be able to resist letting her inside. $90 is a great deal to get her vaccines, examined and fixed. She has clearly grown attached already. I say, go for it


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## mgk1

She looks like a cutie! I would say to keep her.

Take her to the vet and have her checked for FIV, heartwoms, fleas, etc.


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## marie73

You've taken care of the most important part - she'll be healthy, spayed and ready for a new home, whether it's with you or someone else. If a rescue group takes her, all they'll have to do is post those two pictures and someone will surely fall in love with her. I know I have!


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## CarolineRose

She's gorgeous! 
My neighborhood is a favorite for cat dumpers so I can definitely relate to your situation. I have had to care for at least a dozen strays showing up at my back door starving and beat up. 
She sounds like she is very socialized and friendly, I wouldn't worry about the nip if she didn't break skin. If she wanted to hurt you she would have had no trouble doing it.
I'd keep up with the found cat notices and website posts. I live in a pretty small town with a local radio station, if you know of one near you why don't you give them a call and ask them to mention her at the end of the show. I've done this several times and the stations have always been very understanding.
$90 is a small price to pay for her health and safety, plus if it doesn't work out with you guys, it will be much easier to find her a home with a good bill of health. 
I wish you and that little darling the best of luck!

Caroline


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## LaurulFeatherCat

I am proud of you for taking her in and giving it a try. Hope your counselor can help you accept this cutie as a new family member. You are pushing the boundaries of your handicap and that is good. You know yourself, a little step at a time will get you where you want to go.


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## coalesce99

I'm surprised...she went through a spaying yesterday but you wouldn't be able to tell by her demeanor.

I mean, we didn't let her do anything strenuous when we got her home. But she didn't act like she was in pain at all.

This cat is very social. She's not skittish at all.

The vet estimated her age at about 1. Is she full-grown? She's tiny 

Really, my only issue now is allergies.

We tried to adopt another cat a couple of months ago, and had to give it back in a few days. She was causing all of our allergies to go haywire (I've since found out that she's been adopted so it's all good.) My wife was breaking out in hives when the cat rubbed her.

This cat certainly isn't causing as bad of allergic reactions...but I am a little concerned.

Is it conceivable to think we'll become immune to her over time?

Again, whether we keep her or not she'll have a good home. Another foster home is lined up and she's so pretty/social she'll have no trouble finding a home.

Thanks for your help everyone!


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## coalesce99

BTW everything checked out OK at the vet. She also got shots.


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## orrymain

Thank you for taking in this kitty and giving her the chance of a wonderful life. If not with your family then with another. Hopefully, you can get to keep her.


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## OctoberinMaine

I'm with Marie -- one look at that second picture and it's all over!! :luv

Thank you so much for taking care of her and getting her the vet care she needs. You deserve a huge "congrats" for that, even if you don't end up keeping her.

I do understand the fear of the unknown in terms of taking a kitty into your home. I kind of had that fear too, having never had a pet, until 2005 when I forced myself to be open-minded about it. Don't think of it as a change -- think of it as something you're _gaining. _You're just choosing to have an experience that millions of households in the U.S. are having. If all those people are doing it, there must be something good about it, right?


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## coalesce99

You're all such supportive people, I really appreciate it.


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## Mitts & Tess

Wow she looks to be around 7 months old from the picture? She could of gotten pregnant. Im so glad you reached out to help her. You have changed her life for the better. What a wonderful person you are. Hats off to you. 

My sons girlfriend was allergic to cats. They had two. She took clarinex. Her allergy eventually disappeared. she must of developed a tolerance. Keep us posted on her happy ending.. whether adoption thru a shelter or in your own home.

If you do decide to keep her and you have a 6 year old I would suggest soft paws at first because 6 yr olds have to learn how to treat a cat. It takes a bit of time and the soft paws would help avoid any scratching. Unless shed be an indoor / outdoor cat.


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## Cat'sHouse

coalesce99 said:


> Thanks everybody.
> 
> We brought her in last night. Everything went pretty well. She used the litterbox just fine.
> 
> She did bite me at one point. I think she was hungry. But we weren't supposed to feed her after 10 PM. She's actually at the vet today for spaying and checkup/shots. We went through a rescue group.
> 
> I wasn't petting her when she bit me. She just sort of had this...almost playful look about her and then nipped my foot. It didn't break the skin.
> 
> So anyway yeah, like I said I have what I would call a severe fear of change, so I'm going to see my counselor here in a bit.
> 
> My six year old really really wants to keep the cat. Not sure what I'll do.
> 
> 
> 
> Regardless, my conscience is clear. We've fed this starving cat, and either we will adopt her, or someone else will (the rescue group is no-kill of course).
> 
> Thanks everybody!


 
I am on board with all on here who support you giving this beautiful cat a home. I have Marble now and she was in a situation like your rescued cat. Once soon after I brought her in and she joined our other three cats, she was sitting on the banister and I got up close and said something to her. She reached out with both front feet and sank her claws into my checks. We looked at each other for a second and then she jumped down. Both of us learned something. I pushed too quick for acceptance. We have become close now a year later tho I have to accept her space sometimes. 

The other nite on the bed I was playing with her waving my hand just out of her reach and she was getting upset but still trying to catch my hand. Then she began a growl, with ears back and I brought my hand to my side and she leaped at it and sank one claw in and bit me. I deserved it and I know it. I didn't do anything but later she came on the bed like nothing had happened. I apologized and gave her strokes and rubs. All was well tho I know that she still retains some feralness and has a temper and I have to repect it for what it is. None of my other three cats will do what she did. They just leave it the play bores them or they tire of it.

I mention this because I hope you will adopt this nice feline and I think it will be a good chance for your six year old to learn about having an animal and how to take care of it. Many kids never get the chance to do this. It may take time and there may be a few incidents where a cat who has been outdoors reacts sometimes to what it perceives to be intrusive to it's zone. A child should learn that animals have feelings too. My second incident above was when I pushed too hard and Marble made it known to me that 1..she has a temper and 2 that I better behave (or so the wife said).

We are glad that Marble has found us and we found her.


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## Arkona

You made a small difference in the world by having her checked and spayed. You are greatly contributing towards a solution to the cat overpopulation problem in your area. Whatever you do from here, rest assured you've already done a great thing, much more than what the average person would be willing to do.

Like others, I would not be able to turn down a cat that so obviously wants to be a part of my home. I'd take her in. However if your allergies and anxiety are too much, cut yourself some slack and try to find her a home or foster or a no-kill shelter if neither is available.

Re: the biting, sounds like she was just trying to play with you. Buy or make her a toy so you can play with her, so she can release some energy once she has recovered. And teach her that your hand is off-limits by saying "ouch" and immediately stopping the play session and walking away when she goes for your hand or any body part.


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## Mitts & Tess

Cat'sHouse said:


> I am on board with all on here who support you giving this beautiful cat a home. I have Marble now and she was in a situation like your rescued cat. Once soon after I brought her in and she joined our other three cats, she was sitting on the banister and I got up close and said something to her. She reached out with both front feet and sank her claws into my checks. We looked at each other for a second and then she jumped down. Both of us learned something. I pushed too quick for acceptance. We have become close now a year later tho I have to accept her space sometimes.
> 
> The other nite on the bed I was playing with her waving my hand just out of her reach and she was getting upset but still trying to catch my hand. Then she began a growl, with ears back and I brought my hand to my side and she leaped at it and sank one claw in and bit me. I deserved it and I know it. I didn't do anything but later she came on the bed like nothing had happened. I apologized and gave her strokes and rubs. All was well tho I know that she still retains some feralness and has a temper and I have to repect it for what it is. None of my other three cats will do what she did. They just leave it the play bores them or they tire of it.
> 
> I mention this because I hope you will adopt this nice feline and I think it will be a good chance for your six year old to learn about having an animal and how to take care of it. Many kids never get the chance to do this. It may take time and there may be a few incidents where a cat who has been outdoors reacts sometimes to what it perceives to be intrusive to it's zone. A child should learn that animals have feelings too. My second incident above was when I pushed too hard and Marble made it known to me that 1..she has a temper and 2 that I better behave (or so the wife said).
> 
> We are glad that Marble has found us and we found her.


Catshouse take a look at Kitty Boot Camp by Heidi. This has a lot of great tips on how to socialize your kitty. It really works! You did a wonderful thing also, bringing Marble in to be one of your fur family.:angel

Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums - View Single Post - Kitty Cat Boot Camp


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## coalesce99

This cat is very friendly. And like I said, we think she was someone's pet. Or at least was around people.

The tell-tale sign was that she...

She basically froze when she saw the cat carrier. This was from across the room, at least 10 feet.

Also she knew how to use the litterbox right away.

Another nice thing is she hasn't used her claws to destroy anything...at all!

She really likes coming around us. She doesn't seem to mind my boys, who are 3 and 6. Last night she went and layed down right in front of their Nintendo, while they were playing it.

I think what I'm going to do is get my older son tested for allergies. If he comes back positive, I think our decision will be made. We're just taking it day by day. And one way or another, we will certainly know she has a good home. Since the local no-kill rescue group did all her medical work yesterday, I guess technically at this point we're foster parents for the cat.

BTW my boys wanted to name the cat "Trick or Treat" -- everyone we tell that to thinks it's hysterical.

Their second choice (and the name the cat is sort of starting to respond to) is Lovey. Or Lovie???


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## coalesce99

Let me ask you all something...

The last two nights, when it was bed time she of course wanted up on our bed. My wife and I just made the decision that our bed would be off-limits for the cat. She started howling, so we put her down in the (finished) basement. Her litterbox is down there. Plus we put an extra food & water dish down there (not near the litterbox of course.)

Why with the howling? What are everybody's thoughts?


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## hoofmaiden

She wants company. You're isolating her. Why wouldn't she yowl?

If you insist that she can't sleep on the bed, try closing her out of your room and just gritting your teeth. She WILL eventually shut up and she will learn that it's pointless. This is better than isolating her even more by putting her in the basement.

But why not reconsider? There's nothing like a sweet, happy cat on the bed and it's 8+ free hours of your time that you can give her with very little effort on your part.


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## Cat'sHouse

Not to worry, it should pass. she probably is just vocalizing her confusion as to why things aren't the way she thought they should be. Perhaps in her last home she was allowed on the bed? Now, she just has to adjust to her new environment which will take time.


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## Cat'sHouse

Mitts and Tess:

Good article with some good tips for resocializing a feral cat/kitten. We were lucky that Marble probably didn't spend that much time loose. I think she might have been one of those kittens that some people get for a young child to 'occupy' them while mom is doing whatever. Kind of a live toy. Then when the 'toy' gets a bit bigger and able to fend off a toddlers mishandling, they get sent outside. Or to go to the bathroom outside and she got lost...anyway, no one in the neighborhood knew who she belonged to so we had her checked out and neutered at a shelter at a reduced cost and were gong to foster her......ya right....she fit right in and has been no problem.

I think what is missing from the article is what all pets need and that is trust. Trust and space.....cats like people have a space safe zone...and in my first example I breached this zone too early.....and she merely let me know it...never happened again and with time she relished affection from both of us. Even tho Kermit showed his displeasure over it.

The 'play' example I used was when I saw all the warning signs that are in that article but chose to ignore them and push her to the limit. And, she let me know it..... but that also was a rare occurance.

Now, my son and wife, left for the East coast to attend our granddaughters graduation and they left their Springer Spanial dog with us to care for. I am using gates that the cats can go thru or jump over and "Owen" has the run of most of the house. So far Kermit (who had seen Owen two years ago for a weekend) has no time for Owen. Marble I think will also avoid him but I expect no serious problems. Owen has a cat at his house so he 'knows' them. I think he wants to be friends but they haven't found that 'trust' yet. Got four days to work with them.

Or they can work it out themselves. It's their house, we merely live here.




someone was right....dogs drool and cats rule. Owen is a very well behaved dog tho and I can see several walks in our future. We already did a 3am stroll in the vicinity of our house. No #2 tho, darn...well maybe at 6am.


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## coalesce99

Updates:

I know my son (Owen) has allergies, and we live in the midwest where they are a real problem. I finally took him (he's 6) to get tested.

Basically, he wasn't allergic to the major outdoor allergens around here. He is by far and away most allergic to dust mites. That's followed by dust and mold.

On a scale of 1 to 4, he is a 2 with cats. He is a 1 with dogs.

I realize a lot of you as cat people probably hate dogs, right?  Just kidding.

Anyway, I'm very torn. On the one hand both my sons and my wife love the cat. On the other is a very strong parental instinct to eliminate an allergen from the house.

Yesterday, Owen got right up on the cat, rubbed her, played with her, and there seemed to be no reaction. No nose wiping that I noticed. He sneezed roughly 2 hours after playing with the cat.

This morning he woke up very congested and coughing. When I asked the allergist "Should this boy be in a home with a cat?" He said "No."

His exact words were, "New carpet, no cat, no dog." When I asked if his allergies to this particular cat will get better or worse, he said it could do either.

Like I said, I'm all tore up. Don't know what to do.


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## Mitts & Tess

If in your heart you really want this cat then I’d go ahead and try and make it work. I’ve heard Doctors make some blanket statements, CWA types. My son’s girlfriend really wanted to be with my son so she made it work. Eventually she didn’t have to take medications. She developed a tolerance. Your kitty is adorable looking. I can see why she stole your heart. You’ve done all the right things. Cared for the cat, got her spayed and vetted, weighed your options to make an intelligent decision. I wish all people could be like your family. Ill be interested to see what you end up doing.


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## MowMow

/shrug I'm allergic to cats and MowMOw drives my allergies bonkers (Medium hair) but it's not so bad that I'd get rid of them. I wake up snorfly and congested but it passes as I get moving and shower. Zyrtec (or the walmart knockoff) makes it very livable. 

I would make his room off limits to kitten so it's a 'clean zone' and he can sleep easily. You'll have to be sure to vacuum a few times weekly (twice a week keeps me comfortable) and throw blankets/couch covers changed every week ( or twice a week) on the furniture will keep the dander down. Those are the basics that I do.

Since the cats sleep with me I also wash the sheets like clockwork and every day when I make the bed I pop off a corner of the bottom sheet and shake it super hard to toss all the cat hair and dander off it (Book gets locked out for this process, 'cause he likes divebombing the fluttering sheet as I shake it). I shake out my pillows and the blankets before I remake the bed so it stays all clean and as free of cat hair as possible. Oh, I also keep a pretty twin sheet spread across the comforter so the cats can lay on it while I"m at work and it catches the cat hair. THen mid week I strip it off and put down a fresh one. No cat hair gets on my comforter/blankets that way.


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## Arianwen

She's adorable.


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## Vivid Dawn

Your son is only mildly allergic (I know people who break out in hives, eyes swollen, nose running after only 5 minutes of being with a cat... if your son's first sneeze was 2 hours later, can't be that bad!).

My suggestion is keep the cat 
Get a towel and sit the cat on the towel (probably in your lap, or at least on the floor right next to you) and brush the cat. Every day would be preferable, but at least a couple times a week. This way, all the hair, dander, dust, etc. ends up on the towel. Put the towel in the wash, and all those allergens get eliminated after being restricted to only that one spot!
Bathing the cat regularly would help too. If you can't give her real baths, get those pet wipes and do a thorough wipe-down, probably twice a month or more, depending on how bad your son gets.

The other day I woke up to purring in stereo! I had Paizly by my right ear and Xanthe by my left ear, both motors going full throttle. One of the happiest moments of my life, and WAY better to be woken up by that than screetching from an alarm clock!


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## coalesce99

Yeah, the doctor did say his allergy to cats was "slight."

He's been around other cats that made him (and the rest of us) go completely haywire. This one doesn't do that.

I'm doing my best everyone. I'm trying to deal with my problems. I have what most people would say is an EXTREME case of difficulty dealing with change. I think it's probably hard for most people to understand, but for me the problem is very real, and I can't do anything to stop it.

I'm trying real hard, since all of my family loves the cat.


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## LadyK

What a nice story. Thank you for doing the right thing by this sweet cat. I had a similar situation with my Josie. She was a stray who appeared on my front porch. She looked skinny so I put out some cat food I happened to have (I had a coupon and was going to donate it to a shelter). I searched the Petfinder and Craigslist missing pet classifieds as well as our local newspaper lost pet ads. No one reported her missing and she had no microchip. 

My whole life I thought I was allergic to cats and never thought I'd have one. In the end, I brought her inside and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm actually not allergic to cats after all. I do have year-round allergies to something (never been tested) so I take a daily Zyrtec, but all these years I assumed I was allergic to cats, and I'm just fine around Josie.

Good luck! Thank you for helping the beautiful little cat.


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## CJinCA

Thank you for helping this kitty. From my personal experience, I think those allergy tests are overblown. they told me I was allergic to everything under the sun when I was a teenager, but I was lazy with the allergy shots and eventually just stopped taking them and I don't think I'm allergic to anything now, except maybe cigarette smoke, that does cause wheezing. If your son has a clean room and is breathing ok, please consider keeping her. she looks so precious. You could also think about a hepa filter in his room to clear out the allergens. Of course if things aren't working out for whatever reason, then the rescue group is still a good alternative. My kitties previous owners claimed to have developed allergies after 1.5 years and dumped them at a kill shelter - in a night deposit box!

as for the howling..she's just lonely, and maybe confused as to why she has to stay in the basement. My kitties howl when I go to bed, even though they could easily come to bed too - the door is open. They just want me to come back down and play with them. They also howl when they wake up in a room and discover they're all alone in the room - they want to know where everyone else is at, so i call back and usually it stops. Sometimes the howling is just kitty talking to her toys too.


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## jadis

I have enjoyed reading this thread, I'm glad you were able to help this cat, she's so pretty. 

About the allergies, I have noticed over the years that some cats cause me to have mild allergy symptoms and others do not, and also whenever I bring in a new pet I seem to have symptoms but then they go away. Muffin sleeps on my pillow right by my face and I have zero issues with her, but when we brought in Tiger Lily I had itchy eyes and nose at first and my son had congestion that went away after a week or so. It was like we got used to her.


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## feral lover

*Cats have a comforting gift.*

Right off I'd like to say thank you. You saw a cat in need and took charge. I can't think of a single things that you have done that is wrong so I hope things are going well. I imagine with this cute new addition you'll find that life is good since cats seem to have a gift to do just that. I'd also like to comment on the anxiety issues that you have towards changes. You have taken a huge step in the right direction by not allowing your anxiety to take over. That's something you should be very proud about. In away this kitty is already helping you since you didn't give in and I think that in time and small steps you may look back at this new little addition as the blessing that it truly is. You have done so much already so no matter how this turns out you have helped this little cat and changed her life. Hopefully you keep her so she can continue to help you in return. I've also heard that having cats or dogs can help relieve people's stress so who knows maybe it'll help with anxity also. Good luck and best wishes.


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## Leazie

I want to commend you for doing really, really well with all of the change that Trick or Treat ( so cute, btw) has brought into your house. You are making clear and rational decisions based on the needs of your family and the kitty. I know you have said that change is hard for you so I really hoping that you are celebrating this BIG win for you.

I have gone through periods in my life when change has been almost paralyzing, so I really feel your struggle deep down.


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## LaurulFeatherCat

Allergies are a big problem. I have them, lots of them, and not just to animals, but to soaps and lotions and powders and insect bites: I am very fair skinned. When I had 26 cats, I got severe asthma and had to put the cats in a catroom and limit my time in the room. Over the next ten years, as the cat population declined, my asthma became almost non-existant when the cat population dropped below 12. I do not recommend your son sleeping with the cat or rubbing the cat in his face. He can play with the cat and do a lot of hands off baiting, etc. One thing that always happens with me is that I get less allergic to each individual cat the longer I have them. It really takes a hair in the eye or a claw deep in the skin for me to react to my oldest cat, yet the three newest just have to lie on my chest for me to feel the asthma start.

You have to decide how much allergy exposure you wish to allow your child. Some allergists say absolutely no exposure and others will say exposure until reaction, then stop. Your decision.


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## coalesce99

BTW I think we settled on the name Lovie or (Lovie Cat), for now.


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## J&K

She is adorable! It was quite an adjustment for me to get used to my first cat (I was a single grad student and I move around a lot, so it was a big commitment for me to have a cat to care for) but now I can't imagine life without him. I recently got him a buddy and now I have two--which I thought I'd NEVER do!! Have fun with her!


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## Mitts & Tess

All the cat people I know have trouble saying no to getting another cat! Its crazy! Life presents its challenges no matter what direction your coming from. Dont feel bad! Youve done such a good thing for this cat, whether you choose to keep it or help it get a good home.


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## Mom of 4

Ask about allergy shots for your son. They can make a huge difference. There are also medications that can help - it is just a matter of trial and error to see what works.
Good luck.


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