# Do you hate it when people blame you for a pet's death?



## piestuffable (Jul 29, 2013)

I've been reading up a lot of threads for kitties and dogs that got run over (since I recently had a similar incident), and I noticed that a lot blamed it on the owners - even going to the point of insults. I even saw that some people blamed the owners for putting a kitty down. :sad2

I know that there are risks to letting a cat outdoor, but a lot of people did the same thing (or, they did an indoor/outdoor thing) and I know how happy my street kitty looks when she plays outside. I think every owner would feel guilty at some point, and I think it's ridiculously insensitive for people to make them feel even worse about themselves. I still beat myself up for not being home soon and removing my kitty from the street.


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

I am an indoor/outdoor kitty person. If I planned on getting a kitten I guess I would try the indoor route since I have a darn litter box anyway. Some people are very at home with the risks of an outdoor cat but feel the cat would be miserable otherwise. I once had a cat that was miserable indoors and it was like he was dying inside. You know I have felt guilty with a few of my animals thinking I didn't notice signs of illness early enough or not handling it right. The guilt does no good. We go through life and try to learn as we go. We make mistakes. If I came back in another life I would still make mistakes, hopefully they would be different ones. I am doing the best I can. I live with that (and guilt.) When one loses a loved one, it won't be me that points any fingers at them. And I do worry about my kitties.


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## Zephyriddle (Mar 28, 2012)

If I chose to let my cats or dogs wander loose outside and something happened to them (hit by car, attacked by animal, etc) it would be my fault and I'd feel totally responsible. If someone accidentally slipped out the door and I couldn't catch them and something bad happened then I'd consider it a horrible accident, but not my fault. 
Others may feel differently, but I fully believe that the owner is at fault and responsible for anything that goes wrong when they make the choice to let their pet wander unsupervised. I would never insult someone grieving over a loss, but these things are almost always 100% preventable by just keeping a pet contained either indoors or on a leash or tether. 


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## Tiliqua (Jan 22, 2013)

That's a tough one - I'm sure people feel bad enough and having insensitive people make comments really doesn't help... but I agree with Kayla. If one of my pets got hit by a car, I would feel responsible and awful.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

kayla baxter said:


> If I chose to let my cats or dogs wander loose outside and something happened to them (hit by car, attacked by animal, etc) it would be my fault and I'd feel totally responsible. If someone accidentally slipped out the door and I couldn't catch them and something bad happened then I'd consider it a horrible accident, but not my fault.
> Others may feel differently, but I fully believe that the owner is at fault and responsible for anything that goes wrong when they make the choice to let their pet wander unsupervised. I would never insult someone grieving over a loss, but these things are almost always 100% preventable by just keeping a pet contained either indoors or on a leash or tether.
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App



I agree with all this. I'm not saying it is or isn't anyone's fault if their cat was hit by a car (or whatever else c an happen when they are allowed out)... I'm saying this is how *I* would feel if it happened to mine. I would feel completely responsible.


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

If your going to have pets and let them have the run of the great outdoors, you need to realize there may be very sad consequences...and be able to bear the pain that may come of it...

Sometimes it takes losing a pet to make some people wake up...
Its a horrible harsh lesson that life deals out...
But its effect, is to make a much more watchful caring owner for future pets.

There are sadly, some people who never get it and it is their pets that pay the price...time after time...

All of that being said, I don't think being 'Snarky' at a time when someone has posted their cat was killed by a vehicle or poison or all the other ways that a cat can meet its end, is showing any empathy...

Animals do escape...remember this, 
if you are someone who would use such a sad post to further 'punish' 
someone...
It might be your very well cared for indoor cat only--That door dashes one day, and ends up with a sad ending...
How would you like to be treated at such a sad time?

Just my personal thoughts on this subject...


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

To be honest, this is why lots of the indoor/outdoor threads get closed. Some people post about how they'd rather have their cats be happy and "free", even if it means possibly a shorter life, then they come back and post how devastated they are and expect tons of sympathy when their cat is killed or never comes back home, and they don't get the reactions they expected. Some people just aren't that understanding when you make that choice. And we do have members of both camps here.


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## molldee (May 19, 2013)

If you as the owner are making a decision to let the cat out, then you must bear the consequences if something bad happens. But I don't agree with being mean to people who just lost their pet. If I were annoyed by the situation, I probably wouldn't even post anything rather than saying "I told you so."


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## zuma (Nov 5, 2009)

Like others have said I would probably feel guilty if it was my cat, but it's a choice every owner makes and we'll have to live with the consequences of our choices. 

I do think it's wrong to make the owners feel more guilty or even insult someone who's grieving. That's just not fair and completely unnecessary. But at the same time you can't expect people to say, it's ok, it could have happened to anyone or similar posts, but I think you can expect sympathy and understanding of how hard it is to lose a beloved pet. 


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## cat face (Apr 4, 2013)

yea, choices have consequences.

I think it's cruel and heartless to "insult" or "put down" or "lecture" someone who is grieving their loss! No matter how that loss happened, it is a loss, there is grief and if you feel you _don't_ have sympathy, then you need to shut up. Your opinion doesn't NEED to be blurted out at every opportunity. 

To me and many others that don't hang out on this site, keeping a cat bottled up indoors, only allowed to peer out the windows and wish they could have some fresh air is downright cruel.
Yes there are cats that are quite happy to stay inside, I own one but she'll still sit out on the patio every now and then for some fresh air.

Cats need to be outside once in a while at the very least. This is why cats end up with "behavioral" issues. 
The cat will start peeing outside the litter box, for no known reason. Or a cat will start marking territory or the cat might start tearing things up, get grumpy with the other cats, not want to eat, etc. Oh, there is Feliway and drugs the vet can supply to maybe help, but drugs have very real dangers and side effects! I hear people on here preach about every calorie they put in their cat's mouth and it has to be this and that for optimum health, but will think nothing of giving heavy duty antidepressants to a cat??! Seriously? The mind boggles.

I don't say anything 99% of the time (I use to but just quit). I realized that if I had nothing nice to say, meaning sympathetic to the poster, then my opinion and or lecture just wasn't needed, and all would be better off if I just shut up and move on and let others, that do empathise, reply.

I love the people here that are tough as nails, no bending, no sympathy, they know it all and feel everyone should know and have foreseen. Life is going to serve a big helping of humility one day, and I surely hope they aren't faced with such cold and callus responses. It isn't nice at all.
There is a place and a time for everything. Grieving is not the time for callus remarks, lectures, "I told ya so's" and insults. It IS a time to be mature and either be sympathetic and try to ease the posters pain OR shut it up and move on to another topic.


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## DaveMB (Jan 9, 2014)

cat face said:


> keeping a cat bottled up indoors, only allowed to peer out the windows and wish they could have some fresh air is downright cruel.
> Yes there are cats that are quite happy to stay inside, I own one but she'll still sit out on the patio every now and then for some fresh air.
> 
> Cats need to be outside once in a while at the very least. This is why cats end up with "behavioral" issues.


^^ This, so much this.

To be honest I think it's a US/UK thing at least partly, After all The US has far more predators that will kill cats than we do in the UK.

Gizmo has been kept indoors for the last 3 months (vets orders) and it's hard to see him sat at his cat flap everyday crying and trying to get outside.

I play with him for around 10-20 minutes on a morning before I go to work and 1-2 hours every night (piece of string, laser light, paper ball etc) to try and keep him stimulated and burn his excess energy off.

But he so badly want's to go outside I feel sorry for him.


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## howsefrau32 (Mar 6, 2013)

I think with some cats, you just can't make them be inside cats. I have a friend who tried and tried to keep her formerly feral cat indoors, and she tried everything in the world to get out, and when they did manage to keep her in, she was miserable. I agree, if something happens, you are going to feel bad/responsible, and so many other things. But I don't think anyone needs to be rude to someone, especially at a time when they have just lost a pet. That is NOT cool. Keep it to yourself is what I think. Sure, think it all you want, but don't you think they already feel bad enough? Just my feeling on the topic.


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## molldee (May 19, 2013)

molldee said:


> I probably wouldn't even post anything rather than saying "I told you so."


Just to clarify, I meant I would NEVER say, "I told you so." I wouldn't post if I had nothing constructive or sympathetic to say.


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## molldee (May 19, 2013)

cat face said:


> I love the people here that are tough as nails, no bending, no sympathy, they know it all and feel everyone should know and have foreseen. Life is going to serve a big helping of humility one day, and I surely hope they aren't faced with such cold and callus responses. It isn't nice at all.


Some of the posters on this forum have already been dealt with a big helping of humility and because of that now know it all and that's probably why they're so tough and blunt. 

My cat has gone through four urinary blockages. I researched the heck out of everything related. When I see posters adding about how they can prevent blockages, I help to give them the honest truth. If they don't listen to my advice, I try to be more blunt because my advice may be important. It may come off as cold, but if people don't want advice, don't ask for it.


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## stellar981 (Apr 17, 2013)

I have never had indoor/outdoor cats. My parents always kept them indoors, and yes we had a couple who would escape occasionally (both males) due to curiosity. But when they were indoors I would never consider them miserable. Not a single behavioral problem either. Maybe we were lucky. But each time the cats got out panic kicked in for us, and one would disappear for a while - so all we did was worry. It wasn't worth it. So to this day, my kitties are all indoors and plenty happy. I admit I tend to push the indoor thing on those around me. And when an outdoor cat is killed, I feel horrible for the cat and my first instinct is to give my opinion to the owner. But I know better, and I keep it to myself. As it's been said here now many times, the grieving period is not the time for it. I guess deep down I just hope the person sees the dangers because of what happened, and make changes for the safety of their other cats.


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

marie73 said:


> Some people post about how they'd rather have their cats be happy and "free", even if it means possibly a shorter life, then they come back and post how devastated they are and expect tons of sympathy when their cat is killed or never comes back home, and they don't get the reactions they expected.


This...

It drives me crazy when someone is very vocal about how cruel it is to keep cats indoors and then when their cat doesn't come home is a total drama queen about it. And I'm not talking about a typical reaction to the loss of a pet. I'm talking about post after post of "I can't eat, I can't sleep, I've been crying for days, I can't function, I'm so sad. I have a 100 people out looking for him, I wish I knew what happened, if I get my hands on the driver who hit him, blah. blah, blah...why is no one responding to my (25 page) thread anymore?"

I don't blame someone when their outdoor cat doesn't come home. If they feel that the cat will be happier if allowed to roam knowing the risk may be a shorter life, then that's a choice they are free to make. But they're not going to get a ton of sympathy from me if the cat doesn't come home. I won't be rude and say I told you so...I'm more likely to say nothing.


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## GhostTown (Jan 12, 2012)

My Oscar used to be indoor outdoor. I bought a new house 5 years ago and it's on a busier road. When I noticed that Oscar started crossing that road I told myself that I have two choices: 1. He's going to die within weeks. He'll literally get killed in a horrible fashion, maybe suffer greatly. I'll either witness it, or come home to it and it'll break me. 2. I keep him inside for the rest of his days and he and I will enjoy another 10 or so years together. It'll be tough going for the first few months, but it'll be worth it.

It's been worth it.


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## stellar981 (Apr 17, 2013)

GhostTown said:


> My Oscar used to be indoor outdoor. I bought a new house 5 years ago and it's on a busier road. When I noticed that Oscar started crossing that road I told myself that I have two choices: 1. He's going to die within weeks. He'll literally get killed in a horrible fashion, maybe suffer greatly. I'll either witness it, or come home to it and it'll break me. 2. I keep him inside for the rest of his days and he and I will enjoy another 10 or so years together. It'll be tough going for the first few months, but it'll be worth it.
> 
> It's been worth it.


Wish we could like posts on here!


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

I don't recall a lot of blame about that on this forum. There are many, many different cultures here: Europeans, Middle Easterners and others in the east, for example, tend to let their cats roam freely while Americans tend to keep their cats inside - of course this is a very large generalization. I don't know why there are cultural differences regarding cats, but I hope I would never blame anyone for a bonafide accident. Losing a beloved pet is hard enough without getting dumped on.


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## cat face (Apr 4, 2013)

Outside cats are not the only ones subjected to "horrible" painful deaths.
Inside cats get their share as well. 

But you see, I don't come on here and talk about how horrible it is when a cat dies from ingesting poison house cleaners, or plants, or medication that dropped or was left out on the counter. I don't go on about the cords on blinds that have hung cats or what a cycle in a house drier will do to a cat. I've not once went on about how a cat can get cut in half if caught in the under workings of a recliner. I imagine these to be a pretty nasty way to die! 

My point is, I can go on *but what is the point???!!*! It's NOT a contest on who has the best pristine living conditions for their cat!!
This is supposed to be a forum where people that have one thing in common, their LOVE of cats, can come together and share ideas, feelings, questions, advise, etc.

Not to be lectured, ridiculed, insulted, etc. Yes, some people are a bit whiney, but that's anywhere. You don't have to respond to their posts if you find it upsetting. A lot of posts I find "upsetting" on here, I just cruise right one by. I have nothing to add except an "attitude" and this forum isn't about that!

I have to go, my cat is sitting by me and has the most terrible wind and I'm about nauseated from the fumes.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

2395820-5064750646-pot-k by KrisMowBook, on Flickr


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## emilyatl (Sep 9, 2013)

I definitely don't think it's right to shame someone when they've just lost a pet. I live in a fairly urban area and have always kept my cats inside because there are just so many risks outdoors. I see way too many cats hit by cars on the side of the road. And I grew up with several indoor cats and several indoor/outdoor cats. The indoor-only cats always lived longer lives. If I were in a more rural area and had a large, safe, fenced property, I might think otherwise. But if I did and something happened to my cats, I would totally blame myself (but then I also blame myself when anything bad happens to my cats and wonder what I could have done differently). This is always a controversial topic. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer, it's a very personal decision and you have respect those decisions, but you also have to be prepared to possibly take critcism for decisions you make...


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

If there was never any judgment then there would never be any social change. Slavery would still exist, no women's rights, etc. etc. How we treat our pets is one of the more current areas where judgments are being made and change is being effected...spay/neuter, declawing, abandonment, definition of cruelty and yes, indoor/outdoor debates for cats.

As far as I'm concerned, a society without judgment is a society in chaos. There's a time and place for judgment and a way to communicate it...but to suggest that there should never be any judgment is crazy imo.


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## DaveMB (Jan 9, 2014)

But then who decides who's judgment is worthy of acknowledgement?

Your idea that cats should be kept indoors at all times is no more valid than my idea that cats (some,not all) are far from happy at being kept indoors, I see it with my own eyes, My cat want's to go outside, he is used to being able to go outside and sits at his catflap crying to be let out.

Both sides of the argument have merit and to say otherwise in a way that comes across as 'I am right and you are wrong' is borderline arrogance (not aimed at anybody here by the way).

I am lucky that I live in a quiet area with minimal traffic and no stray dogs etc we have strict laws in the UK that require dogs to be leashed outside and we don't have any of the predators that you guys across the pond have EG: Cayotes etc.

If I lived in an area where such dangers existed then yes, I would keep my cat indoors at all times so I can see your point but you need to be able to see the flip side of the coin and accept that some cats need outside access otherwise no matter how much you try to keep them entertained, They are miserable.


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## cat face (Apr 4, 2013)

doodlebug said:


> If there was never any judgment then there would never be any social change. Slavery would still exist, no women's rights, etc. etc. How we treat our pets is one of the more current areas where judgments are being made and change is being effected...spay/neuter, declawing, abandonment, definition of cruelty and yes, *indoor/outdoor debates for cats*.
> 
> As far as I'm concerned, a society without judgment is a society in chaos. There's a time and place for judgment and a way to communicate it...but to suggest that there should never be any judgment is crazy imo.


Really??? LOL then why are all the "debates" as you call them, closed as soon as they start?


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## Wannabe Catlady (Aug 6, 2012)

Because they deteriorate into people accusing an entire group of 'cruelty'. As in this case, where keeping cats indoors is apparently abuse according to some. I suppose it is less cruel for me to let my cats roam outside in a downtown location? They would be dead or stolen in hours.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

cat face said:


> Really??? LOL then why are all the "debates" as you call them, closed as soon as they start?


Because certain people start acting like donkeys, and it goes downhill.

And to those annoying people who argue with me through PM's when we delete or close yet ANOTHER indoor/outdoor thread, THIS thread is your answer to _why?_


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

DaveMB said:


> But then who decides who's judgment is worthy of acknowledgement?
> 
> Your idea that cats should be kept indoors at all times is no more valid than my idea that cats (some,not all) are far from happy at being kept indoors, I see it with my own eyes, My cat want's to go outside, he is used to being able to go outside and sits at his catflap crying to be let out.
> 
> Both sides of the argument have merit and to say otherwise in a way that comes across as 'I am right and you are wrong' is borderline arrogance (not aimed at anybody here by the way).


Majority of a society ends up deciding...as an issue becomes more and more visible and each side presents their reasoning people take sides. Eventually laws are written and it's voted on. The pro-slavery person thought that his opinion was just as valid as the anti-slavery person but eventually change was effected. 

Just as the Europeans are horrified that declawing is allowed in the US...in the US there are still many people who believe in it. That is slowly changing, but it takes judgment of the practice as bad to effect that change. 

There is always going to be "I'm right and you're wrong" when discussing any issue that stirs up passion. I don't see arrogance in that, although someone who is feeling defensive might.


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