# Insensitive Family Member!



## midgiepooh (Sep 19, 2012)

I am so sorry, but I have to vent my anger. I know you guys will understand.

Quick review: I found a kitten at my mother's house Friday evening. She said it had been there since the night before and was meowing up a storm. If it didn't leave her property, she was going to dump him at the humane society.

I couldn't have that, as our shelter is very high-kill and the only shelter in the area. So I took the kitten home with me and he has been living here all weekend - taking him to get a wellness check at the vet at 10 this morning!

So my mother, knowing full well that this kitten has lived here for two and a half days already, cuddling and playing with my husband, myself, and our three-year-old daughter. We've even named him! Of course we're attached already - there's just no way around it.

Well, my mom needs me to take her to pick up her car from the mechanic today. I told her yes-indeedy, that would be just fine and dandy and just give us a call whenever the car is ready. But FYI, we'll be gone around 10 and will be back in about an hour or so - just making sure the kitten is in good shape before introducing him to his housemates.

She went into this complete nutty-as-a-fruitcake tirade about money and how the vet will "charge an arm and a leg" to give the kitten a checkup...blah blah blah...money money money....

Its worth a mention that my hubs and I have been together 12 years and never had any money issues. He is more than gainfully employed - I stay at home with my daughter - obviously if we had money issues, I'd _get a job_!

Anyway, Ma said something along the lines of, "_they_ are going to charge you _hundreds_ of dollars today!" [Hundreds? HA!]

I asked her, annoyed, "Well, where else am I supposed to take him to get checked out, then?"

She replied, _huffily,_ even more annoyed than I was, "The humane society! He needs to be at the humane society! I would have done it myself if you hadn't taken him! I will _never_ let you back at my house when a stray is around! _Never_!!!"

I frankly told her, "Give me a call when your car is ready." and practically hung up on her. I am so mad, I could spit.

How could someone be so insensitive? Mom's always been paranoid about money issues - she's the type who is terrified to let her kids out in the real world in fear that they'll screw up. I've been out 12 years now...nothing has ever happened.

But to be this way about a kitten. A little, helpless kitten! I am so angry right now!

Ugh, and I have four cats now - kitten included. I'm far from being an animal hoarder. But I _do _save lives when I can. I have neglected to take in adult strays before - but they can fend for themselves. This is just a little baby...

I am so mad, guys. Did I mention that? ha!


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## coyt (Jul 15, 2012)

Yikes. Sounds like the money thing is such an issue for her that she's blind to the kitten's wellbeing. Well, it's your money, so I think you have every right to choose how to spend it. Not to mention you're spending it super responsibly to save a life.

Are there any other shelters in your area that are no-kill? Maybe give her a list of those should she ever come across another stray. That way she could contact those places over the humane society. 

Not sure what else to say but I hope she warms up to the kitten eventually  What did you name him?


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## Ritzpg (Dec 7, 2010)

You're doing the right, kind, considerate, humane thing. Don't let your mom get you down.
Not to get all Anne Landers/Dr. Phil on you but: any chance your *mother* has money problems? Or maybe your mother is trying to justify her own (subconscious) guilt about dumping a cat. Or, your mother is really worried about the doctor's appointment and is diverting her attention on to you. Kind of like redirected aggression in cats.


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## 3furbabies (Dec 7, 2011)

I feel for you. My family is the same way. She freaked out when I got our dog(a year and a half ago) so much that I didn't tell her when we got our first cat(last November ) and her cage mate two weeks later. She didnt find out till march when a big mouthed aunt saw it on Fb and blabbed. She lost is and as well freaked out about money, etc. I of course didnt tell her about the third cat. She only found out when we bought out house and they came to see it. They saw the two cats(one was the newest one but she never saw them) then the third one came out and she flipped her lid. I still get made fun of by relatives saying my house is overrun by animals. My mom even yelled at bf for allowing it(he loves animals and rescuing too). 

I simply ignore it now. If I let it get to me then I would get so mad I would never see my side of the family again. It's your life and your decision. The kitten is obviously better off with you than a high kill shelter. Remember , you did a great thing.


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## midgiepooh (Sep 19, 2012)

My 3-year-old named him, "Nini." Well, we think its a "he." I'll find out today! Either way, Nini works!

My mother doesn't have any money problems, but she is spending a lot of it at the moment. Her million-and-a-half year old car broke down months ago, spent over 1K to fix it, it broke again, fixed it, now its broken again! I told her to just go out and buy a new one, but she decided to spend that money on a new RV even though the one she has is fine and dandy itself. But she could totally afford both if she wanted to. Money's just no issue to her, really. She's not a millionaire, but she's as well off as any little old lady could hope to be in retirement!

But its possible that the mere action of her spending it has gotten her paranoid about me spending mine. You know the type - she's the only person who can do anything correctly and she expects everyone to go to her for advice.

She's not entirely hostile toward animals or cats (she has two cats herself). She just doesn't care for them like we do. Her animals just live with her until they die - no checkups, no immunizations, nothing. When I became old enough to drive, I did it myself because I couldn't bear to think the cats were sick or needed their shots.

But so far as feeding them, playing, stuff like that, she's fine. I just don't think she's in for the commitment.

Needless to say, she simply doesn't care how high the kill rate is as the shelter. I'm mad right now so I am just going to blast her all day without a second thought to it, but I think that's one of the most selfish things you can do. We live in a really low-income, poor economic, rural area. Just one shelter.

She truly thinks that dumping it is the easiest way to make it "not her problem." Out of sight, out of mind. She likes to tell herself that the animals she has dumped in the past were adopted by some loving family. Yeah right.


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## midgiepooh (Sep 19, 2012)

3furbabies, your post made me laugh so hard! I can just picture my mom in my living room, chatting it up and a kitten waltzes in..."Hey, Grandma! What's up!"

It sounds rather teenage-y to say this, but its my life and I can do what I want! I am *thisclose* to telling her this, I swear.

Its not even so much as the original mention of dumping it that ticks me off, its the mentioning it _today_ when its been living here, cared for, and named!

What in ayche-ee-double hockey sticks are you supposed to tell a 3-year-old child when you rip the kitten they've been cuddling with for over two days with away, and send it away never to be heard from again?! Its not only cruel to the cat, but cruel to the child!

And my husband! He'd smack me over the head with a frying pan if I so much as gave him a cuddly little furball to play with for a weekend and all of a sudden, dump it.

I just don't know why she can't keep her bleepin' mouth shut. The more I think of it, the angrier I get! Raarrr!


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## Leazie (Apr 14, 2007)

Try to think of it this way- you are teaching the NEXT generation how to be kind, open and loving toward animals. It might be the best thing that you can do.

Nini is a cute name for a new kitty. Hope all goes well at the check up and I hope that you are able to post a few pictures of the whole fur family (you can add the skin kid if you want. we like them too).


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## jusjim (Jun 30, 2009)

midgiepooh said:


> What in ayche-ee-double hockey sticks are you supposed to tell a 3-year-old child when you rip the kitten they've been cuddling with for over two days with away, and send it away never to be heard from again?! Its not only cruel to the cat, but cruel to the child!
> 
> I just don't know why she can't keep her bleepin' mouth shut. The more I think of it, the angrier I get! Raarrr!


The child would get over it the same way I got over losing a kitten when I was around that age. He used to join me in my games with toy soldiers. Life's problems are very transient for a three year old.

Has anyone checked to see if this is a lost kitten -- made an attmpt to find its guardian/caretaker. There could be another three year old who's lost a kitten.

Calm down before you get sick..


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## 3furbabies (Dec 7, 2011)

midgiepooh said:


> 3furbabies, your post made me laugh so hard! I can just picture my mom in my living room, chatting it up and a kitten waltzes in..."Hey, Grandma! What's up!"!


Haha, sounds funny but it's true. One was on the condo and another one came down stairs. When the third one was beside the second one my moms like 'what is that???' I'm like 'uh a cat?' She didn't find that funny though, lol.

Mine is like yours, but she is more indifferent to cats. She is more of a dog person and thinks cats are animals that should stay outside(total opposite). I remember as a kid we would always have stray cats having babies in the garage. My mom would shoo them away or call animal control(they put them down where she lives right away) of course I was little and had no control but it made me so sad.

I wouldn't think much of it though. Some people don't have as high a regard of animals as others. Let her think what she wants, you know you are doing the right thing.


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## midgiepooh (Sep 19, 2012)

The checkup went without a hitch! We discovered "he" is actually a "she" and she couldn't be in better health! The only unfortunate thing about it is that it was kind of a waste of time to even bring her - she's that well off! But hey, that's a problem I love to have!

Anyway, no one has lost a kitten in the area. My mom has only one neighbor and I've already called them. The rest of the area is farmland as far as the eye can see. Almost all of the strays we come across were born in an abandoned barn on a defunct farm. I can only assume Nini is one of those.

Oh...and the checkup was only $30. And yes, I told my mom and gloated the whole time!


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## minikin44 (Aug 25, 2012)

Isn't it nice when your mother actually isn't right? It sounds bad, but I savor those moments, as they don't happen too often in my house. I still can't believe the way your mother is acting, though... she should be irate if you were going to let the cat get killed, not that you're going to save it. I hate when people have the mentality that "it's just an animal," or that if they don't take care of it and dump it then "someone" magically will... there are just unfortunately not that many someones out there.


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## midgiepooh (Sep 19, 2012)

"Its just an animal..."

Yep, that's definitely her, all right.

When I told her the visit was just $30, she said, "Yeah...but if you didn't have any pets at all, think of how much money you'd have!"

I replied, "But then I wouldn't be happy."


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## jusjim (Jun 30, 2009)

midgiepooh said:


> The checkup went without a hitch! We discovered "he" is actually a "she" and she couldn't be in better health! The only unfortunate thing about it is that it was kind of a waste of time to even bring her - she's that well off! But hey, that's a problem I love to have!
> 
> Anyway, no one has lost a kitten in the area. My mom has only one neighbor and I've already called them. The rest of the area is farmland as far as the eye can see. Almost all of the strays we come across were born in an abandoned barn on a defunct farm. I can only assume Nini is one of those.
> 
> Oh...and the checkup was only $30. And yes, I told my mom and gloated the whole time!


Glad your kitten is healthy. Sounds as if it could be a dumped one. *' Don't want a kitten? Dump it off at a farm.'*

I hope your three year old has a great time for many years with the kitten/cat.

Does she have a name yet?


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## midgiepooh (Sep 19, 2012)

Thanks!

Yes, the kitten's name is "Nini." My daughter thought it up. I asked her where she got it, and she said, "from school." Problem is, she doesn't go to school! ha!


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## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

Your mother is a kind-hearted soul. My family on both sides as far as I can go would've looked the other way in yuck! disgust and of course left "that dirty animal thing" to be run over at the crossroads as soon as possible. And anyone who spends money on a pet is a poor loser who will never amount to anything. Needless to say, they don't have any friends who might ever have a pet. Me? They call me sick in the head and a loser for spending my dining and wining budget on stray cats. No wonder I choose to spend all holiday eve dinners feeding the strays in the street.

Any chance we might get a photo of Nini?


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## Saydee (Nov 9, 2010)

You're married and out on your own. Parents can always have their opinions, but try to take them as just that - opinions. If you have the money to do the right thing then just say "I have the money to do the right thing." Some day you'll have opinions that you give to your grown daughter, but she'll live her own life as well.


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## minikin44 (Aug 25, 2012)

*hahaha*



midgiepooh said:


> Thanks!
> 
> Yes, the kitten's name is "Nini." My daughter thought it up. I asked her where she got it, and she said, "from school." Problem is, she doesn't go to school! ha!


Does she watch any TV shows about school? Whenever my godson is making no sense he's usually a. talking about some tv show I've probably never seen or b. talking to/about his imaginary friend, Mouse. At least he has a good imagination lol.


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## midgiepooh (Sep 19, 2012)

Yes, I will definitely post a pic of Nini...I am still very new at this! As soon as I figure out how to do it properly, I'll post up!

My daughter is always talking about TV stuff that I have no clue about! Usually I watch with her, but I can't help it when she's with family! Who knows who "Nini" really is!


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## scottd (Jun 28, 2011)

I'm glad your kitten is well. Maybe your daughter is talking about Nene Leakes. Does she watch Glee?

Also, please send me your mother's address so I can forward her the bill for the rescue dog I took to the vet for surgery today. $423 was the total.


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## snowy (Aug 23, 2012)

ohhh....my mom is just as bad, animal HATER! She is already complaining sooo much about our fish keeping, my hubby's favourite hobby. All about money too! Years ago, I talked about keeping dog, she blast at me non stop. Till now, she doesn't know we have a cat cos I kept her away from my house. She wanted to visit us 2wks ago, I had to find all sorts of excuses to keep her away from my house. My hubby said, ET will usually hide when there are visitors, mom won't get to see him, but....my mom is smart, she would know when she sees my meshed up gate. She is super suspicious, super smart about everything, lol. She knows how to calculate how much we spend on our fishes, she will know how much we spend on ET, lol.


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## midgiepooh (Sep 19, 2012)

I don't believe she's seen Glee! She mostly watches cartoons on Disney and Nick Jr. The only thing I can remotely think of is that she went to "school" a couple of weeks back for the Fall Festival. Maybe she met a kid or teacher there? There's really no telling...maybe she dreamed it! ha!

$400+ dollars is a big chunk of change, but when you consider it was for surgery, its not too terribly bad. I just spent $500 to see a specialist and run two biopsies for one of my older kitties. I _definitely_ didn't tell mom about that! What she doesn't know won't hurt her!

Snowy, don't get me started on the fish! I used to know nothing about fishkeeping until Mom decided that my daughter should get one for her birthday. So I had to learn _quick!_ The 1.5 gallon tank she bought us was much too small - so I ran out and bought a 20g, the master test kit, Prime, the works. I did my best to protect the fish while the new tank was cycling, but we lost him anyway. I have tried to explain it to her, but she doesn't understand why I don't buy a new fish and throw it in the same water that so obviously killed the other. I've even shown her my test results but she's so darn hard-headed she can't get it through her thick head that its not "just water." I'm finally past my ammonia cycle, and maybe halfway through the nitrite. I just keep telling my mom, "its almost ready...maybe a couple more weeks..."

I just can't believe people would be so _wilfully_ ignorant about pets. Why doesn't she have a little voice in her head telling her to at least Google it to make sure its not "just water?"

Ugh, she even tried to tell me that a fish will grow to its tank. I don't know why she thought that - I know its an old wives tale, I suppose Mom lacks having a skeptical voice in her head when she hears this stuff. So I asked her, "If I put my daughter in a box, will she always stay a toddler?" haha!

But yeah, mom's been this way about money for as long as I can remember. When we bought a new car, she wouldn't let me talk about it. She wouldn't take a ride in it. She said it "made her worry." Of course, we'd always had a car payment to make and this one wasn't any more expensive than the other. We even had a much lower interest rate this time! You would think she'd be thrilled!

I would understand her concern if I were constantly asking to borrow money and then..oh, hey we got a kitten! This simply isn't the case.

At any rate, Nini's still doing just great. I'm happy to learn that she's more than excited to play with the other cats' toys they couldn't give two hoots about. You know the plastic "donut" looking-thing with a ball in the ring? My cats just roll their eyes at it. Nini loves it! Whew! Mom should be happy that was $5 well spent, even if I did spent it about two years ago!


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## Galathiel (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm sure she has heard that a fish won't grow larger than its tank; however, they don't take into account that their internal organs still grow and eventually can .. well .. explode due to lack of space (yeah I have fish too). Have three cycled tanks with a few fish putzing around in them. 

I don't think I would try to hide my pet .. my mother is rather controlling too, but considering I'm apparently quite like her, I don't back down and she knows if she pushes it too far, I WILL say something .. nicely, but firmly.. to end the argument. At some point, you may have to make it clear it's none of her business how your money is spent as long as you are being financially responsible and pay your obligations. And keep saying it as soon as she brings it up and then change the subject.


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## kittyhawk (Oct 8, 2012)

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I used to foster dogs and cats from people who were losing their homes and were going to take them to the shelter. At one point we had 3 dogs, 3 cats and 2 kittens in the house.

We heard crap ALL THE TIME. No one ever wanted to come over, but I didn't care. Less time I have to play hostess, lol.

We found them all good homes and were eventually down to our original pup and kitty until my husband found Ethan.

Then of course my husband found abandoned kittens in a box at work and he brought them home, along with an adult male and a baby pigeon...

We heard crap about that too having 3 adult cats, 5 kittens and a dog and pigeon.

I haven't even told her that we adopted Ezri yet, let alone telling her how old she is. I would never hear the end of how stupid I am for adopting a 13 year old cat when I'm expecting a baby in barely 2 months. She'd ramble on about how an old cat will rack up vet bills, how the baby will eat tons of hair because we have too many pets, and how she's just one more mouth to feed.

My mom isn't bad with our dog. She actually let's her jump up on her when she comes over. But, she HATES cats. She swears she's allergic but I think it's all in her head. She was just here last week with no problem. Didn't even mention the cats until she went to sit on the bed and nearly smashed Abby under her rump.

My husband and I got rid of Facebook I guess about 5 months ago. Too much drama. We don't miss it at all.


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## kittyhawk (Oct 8, 2012)

I forgot to mention we don't have the male cat, 5 kittens or the pigeon anymore... They were all rehomed and the pigeon we raised until he was strong enough to fly away on his own.

I just reread my post and was like holy cow these folks are going to think we now have 9 cats, a dog and a pigeon... Lol


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## midgiepooh (Sep 19, 2012)

Oh well! If you had 9 cats, a dog and a pigeon, that's your own business! I'd consider you lucky myself! I'd love to be able to house that many animals!

The car wasn't ready yesterday, but it was this morning. Mom acted completely normal and even talked about the kitten a little on the way to the mechanic. Sheesh!

Cycling a fish tank is the pits. Its such a shame that few people seem to know about it - and I was one of them! But it takes so little effort these days to just pop online and look it up! Fishkeeping, catkeeping, etc.

Just my opinion, but cats are far easier than fish!


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## minikin44 (Aug 25, 2012)

My cousin keeps saltwater fish and it's amazing how much detail there is to it; unfortunately her first tankful died when she went on vacation and the person caring for her fish was not so diligent. Kittyhawk, I can't wait til I can talk on animals like that myself! :-D As of now, living with my mom, I think she'd kill me if I added to my current 4 cats. OP, I'm glad your mom is at least acting normal now... better late than never?


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## snowy (Aug 23, 2012)

hahaha...I am an expert in fish keeping for many years now. The fishes are my hubby's but I am the keeper cos hubby have no time. I am also good at breeding them, hehehe... Come to think of it, its alot easier keeping a cat, I mean a cat, not more than that, lol...I spend more than 2hrs daily just doing water change for nearly 4x3ft tank, 3x4ft, 6x2ft. By the way, we keep discuses which is high maintenance in terms of water change. I also breed bristlenoses, but personally, it certainly is quieter, more peaceful and a good way to de-stress with fishes, lol...maybe cos I have been in it for too long. Cats or dogs abit clingy and noisy, hahahaaaa...

My mom hates animals, esp cats too. Like my hubby said, if ever my mom does drop by uninvited and see ET, he will speak up. Its true, afterall, its non of my mom's business how we wanna live our life and spend our money. We are already in our retiring age, and mom's nearly 80, still so domineering.


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## snowy (Aug 23, 2012)

hehehe...sorry, I just realised, so embarrassing, how can I call myself an expert. Correction - I am just good at fish keeping, lol...


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## scottd (Jun 28, 2011)

midgiepooh said:


> $400+ dollars is a big chunk of change, but when you consider it was for surgery, its not too terribly bad. I just spent $500 to see a specialist and run two biopsies for one of my older kitties. I _definitely_ didn't tell mom about that! What she doesn't know won't hurt her!


It really wasn't a bad total cost for what was done but it still shocks people who aren't familiar with or just refuse to pay out for vet care.


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## kittyhawk (Oct 8, 2012)

Midgiepooh - Lol! I guess it is, but really unless you have an extremely well paying job, I don't see how anyone could keep up the expense on 9 cats for food let alone vet bills and other pets; need to be a doctor or something! Haha!

Minikin44 - As soon as I got out on my own, first thing I did was get myself a cat since I could never have one my entire life living with my parents. Then, I adopted an 8 year old rottie/dobie mix and a bunny, bought myself another lionhead bunny and started fostering and volunteering wherever I could.

Now, doggy passed away, female bunny had to be put down due to cancer, male bunny broke his own back randomly in his cage one day, and kitty busted the screen out of my third story apartment window and I haven't seen him since despite searching for over a year.

At one point I didn't have any pets of my own ): until my wonderful husband came along and bought me a puppy for Christmas the year before we got together. I always tell him that's the only reason I gave him a chance ;P kidding of course.


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## TrinityQuiet (May 18, 2007)

I've dealt with critter comments from my Grandma for most of my life. Now granted, we did have too many pets to keep the home very clean when I lived with my Mom, but at least the cats were very happy, all very dear to us and and fairly healthy--healthier than if they'd been left in tiny cages at a shelter for weeks before being euthanized. She was always howling for us to drop off all of our pets at a shelter, but we genuinely knew and loved all of the dozen-plus cats who roamed in and out of our home. She was convinced we'd be happy if only we got rid of all those cats. Maybe we could keep one, if we had to.


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## Arkona (May 7, 2012)

I'm really lucky in that the little family I have here in the US loves cats, and animals in general. So I don't have to take that kind of crap from anyone!

With that said though, there are always people who will judge you for your decisions and try to lecture you on how to live your life. We all go through it in one way or another.

You are doing what makes you happy, which also happens to be the right thing for that kitten's life. Keep being this wonderful person that you are... and next time your mother bothers you with this topic, change the subject and then secretly remind yourself of how lucky you (and your cats) are that you didn't turn out like her!


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## kittyhawk (Oct 8, 2012)

^^ if I could "like" that comment as you can on Facebook, I'd like it a million times 


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## Vettecor (Feb 11, 2012)

People that don't really love animals just don't understand the reason for taking in a stray cat or dog. My wife and I have been married for 31 years and have had money problems in the past. However, that did NOT stop us from helping animals in need.

We both would go hungry to help out ANY animal that just wants to be loved.

We also take the strays to the Vet as soon as we realize we MUST keep this cat. Usually takes about 5 minutes to decide. LOL. My mother in law also does NOT understand why we do this.

I just say to her, "its in our nature".

Good luck with your new family member.

Larry


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