# Do cats get less affectionate as they grow older?



## PollyKitten (Sep 24, 2014)

Hello,

I have a kitten that is 12 weeks old. I got her when she was about 7 weeks old. When I first got her, she loved to cuddle and always jumped on my laps the second I sat down. Now she seem to keep a distance. She used to sleep on my laps while I read at night, and now she barely jumped on my bed, just sat on the chair next to my bed, looked at me and fell asleep. I couldn't remember the last time she sat next to me when I watch TV now. 

I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong? I'm the one who feeds her, cleans her litter box and she sleeps in her bed every night. She follows me everywhere, even when I shower. So I'm not sure if she still likes me or not. 

Does she become less affectionate because I have heard that cats will become more independent and less cuddly? 

Thanks


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## PollyKitten (Sep 24, 2014)

She seems to be fine with my roommate and would lay next to her and cuddle. So I'm not sure what is wrong between our relationship?


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## Mandy and Ellie (Oct 22, 2013)

It depends on the cat... every cat is different, and kittens all grow to have different personalities. This is why many people recommend getting an older cat that has a developed personality if someone is specifically wanting a lap cat.

I know my cat, Ellie, was SUPER loving and wanted to be in my lap when she was really young when I first got her. But as she got older, she is not a lap cat at all. She always wants to be _around_ me and my boyfriend, and is always very close by wanting love and affection, but not wanting to actually be in our laps. She literally follows me everywhere. Her and I have an amazing relationship, she just isn't a "lap cat".

I would say there's nothing wrong with your relationship, that's just your kitten developing her personality. The only exception is some people yell or get mean with their cats to "discipline" them, which can make them fearful and less cuddly.


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## PollyKitten (Sep 24, 2014)

Yeah, I think I'm stricter than my roommate. Polly has play aggression problem and she would bite hands and feet. I would firmly tell her no but my roommate usually just let her bite her. This might make her like my roommate better?


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## Mandy and Ellie (Oct 22, 2013)

Possibly. Ellie was our only cat when we got her, and she also bit ankles, feet, hands, etc. so we would give her firm "No!" when she did. Long story short, the second we got Tootsie as a companion for her, she stopped biting and any other negative behavior 100%. We realized she was probably just bored the entire time. It makes me sad that I was "mean" to her and possibly changed her "cuddliness". Tootsie has never really been scolded because her and Ellie play so well that neither are ever bad. Tootsie also happens to be more of a cuddly lap cat than Ellie... so it's hard to say if that's why, or if she's just has a little bit of a different personality.


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## PollyKitten (Sep 24, 2014)

Aw that's so great. I'm in grad school right now so I can't afford 2 kittens  I wish I could though because then Polly wont be so lonely at home while I'm in classes and at work


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## Mandy and Ellie (Oct 22, 2013)

I know, I was in the same boat you're in! (except undergrad, lol). Almost a year after we got Ellie I finally had the money to feel comfortable getting another, and I knew it would be great for Ellie. If I could do it all over again, I would definitely get two kittens of the same litter. I never realized how great it really is for them until I got Tootsie and saw how great they are together.


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## PollyKitten (Sep 24, 2014)

That's so amazing. Maybe when my boyfriend and I get married after we finish schools then we can get her a companion. Do you think a puppy will work also (assuming that Polly will get along with dogs)?


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## Mandy and Ellie (Oct 22, 2013)

Hmm... I'm not sure. I know some cats and dogs can get along well, but I feel like it's never as well as animals of the same species will. I personally have found that it's better to have same species pairs to be friends.


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## ashlee18 (May 21, 2014)

It is usually easier to bring in a kitten to an adult dog than a puppy into a house with an adult cat. My cat loves my younger dogs. As I type, they are playing in my lap.

Merlin has become more affectionate as he gets older. Or he is cold lol


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## ezmeray (Nov 8, 2012)

huh, my late cat became much MORE affectionate as she aged.. I guess it just depends on the cat.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

It may just be kittenhood. She's too busy playing and doing kitten things. One she ages and settles she may come back for more loves.


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## PollyKitten (Sep 24, 2014)

I hope so. She's sleeping right next to my bed on a chair but wouldn't come cuddles  I miss her companionship


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

Compare a kitten to a child, except on an accelerated age schedule...a 7 week old kitten is still an infant but a 12 week old is more like a toddler. And toddlers are all about independence and "wanna do it myself". And of course as she becomes a teenager, it's very likely it will be "get out of my life". But as she becomes an adult (1-2 years), well then, maybe mom ain't so bad. 

Some cats are lap cats and some aren't. When you get a kitten you never know what the adult personality will be and there is really nothing you can do to influence it. Of the 5 cats I've had, 2 of them were not lap cats. But both of them followed me around everywhere. Onyx would lay next to me on the couch, but never on my lap. Maggie would stay just far enough away so that I couldn't touch her. On the other hand Callie & Holly both like to be held in my arms, while Kobi will lay on my lap but doesn't like to be picked up and held. You just have to deal with their quirks.

Once they become adults their personalities will be pretty steady until they become seniors. Things may change as they age and start to experience some aches and pains. Some cats look for comfort and become more affectionate. Others become grumpy and don't want to be bothered. Again...just like people...

For most of her life, Maggie would only let me pet her twice a day, when I got up on the morning and when I came home from work. 2-3 strokes on her head and she was gone. It started changing when she was about 10 and by the time I lost her at 16.5, for the last year or so she would actually sit between my legs on the recliner and allow me to pet her for as long as I wanted.


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## Nuliajuk (Oct 25, 2014)

ezmeray said:


> huh, my late cat became much MORE affectionate as she aged.. I guess it just depends on the cat.


This. My first pair lived to be 14 and 15, the next pair made it to 15 and 18, and we recently lost a 14 year old. In my experience, the first 10 or so years of life are about the stalking, exploring, pouncing, climbing... then they've done all of that and they get this sweet mellowness to them. (Assuming they're healthy, of course. A cat that gets crotchety might have something like rotten teeth or arthritis) 
By age 10 they've seen it, done it, stalked it, pounced on it, possible eaten it... they're happy just to lie in the sun, preferable on a lap. Or, in the case of our most recent senior, walk around the neighbourhood on a harness and leash, connecting with dog friends.


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## ArtNJ (May 18, 2011)

Cats have certain innate tendencies its true, but they also develop behaviors due to positive and negative reinforcement. 

For example, when I had 2 kittens in a 1 bedroom apartment, they loved to crawl into bed. That didn't work for us - sleep is important! - so we were tossing them off the bed many many times a night. As a result, they always avoided beds even when we moved to a house and invited them in. 

I have a 16 year old cat that is NOT a lap cat, but loves to get on top of the chair behind my head (only doing so when I'm in the chair), because he gets petted there but still has a sturdy base and only has to get up when he wants. 

So just keep in mind that while you are being strict, you are also closing down certain behaviors, potentially in a broader context then you might be thinking. Similarly, if there is a behavior you like, make sure to take the time to reinforce it. For example, if you really want a lap cat, but have a small bladder -- well, when the cat is young, you may have to force your self to wait a few minutes longer before getting up then you otherwise would. And when you do get up, be gentle about it.


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## Arianwen (Jun 3, 2012)

Cats go through stages - just like people. I wasn't consistent in my affection as a kid and neither are my cats.


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