# Completely heart broken



## gizmoandloki

Hi all, 

I just don’t know what to do, I’m all over the place, overwhelmed by grief. My heart is broken. My baby cat Loki was sadly taken from us too soon at just 9 months old, leaving behind his brother Gizmo. They were so close, now Gizmo has been wandering around crying for his brother. It’s almost too much to bear. 



He was run down by someone who didn’t even stop, they just left him in middle of the road to die on his own. We live on a quiet street, it was light outside still and he was under a street lamp, so I don’t know how they didn’t see what had happened. I hope that whoever did this feels as much guilt as we do for not keeping him safe. 



We rescued him from a horrible home, but I feel like we didn’t protect him like we should have done. I wanted to give him freedom to explore and go on adventures, but I feel like we made the wrong choice. 



I’m sorry that I didn’t keep you safe Loki, the guilt will stay with me forever. I love you little kitty.


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## Marcia

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss of this precious kitten! The outdoors can be so cruel to cats with cars, predators and snatchers that use them as bait for fighting dogs. Anything could have happened, he could have gotten spooked and just ran without thinking. The average lifespan of an outdoor cat is about 3 years with indoor cats living 4 to 5 times that long.


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## gizmoandloki

Thanks so much for your reply Marcia, the pain is unbelievable  I know, it's so tough out there for our little cats. I just couldn't possibly keep him cooped up in the house, it wouldn't be fair. Cats need to go out and explore the outside, I just feel so guilty that it happened right outside our house, he was nearly home.


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## Marcia

gizmoandloki said:


> Thanks so much for your reply Marcia, the pain is unbelievable  I know, it's so tough out there for our little cats. *I just couldn't possibly keep him cooped up in the house, it wouldn't be fair.* Cats need to go out and explore the outside, I just feel so guilty that it happened right outside our house, he was nearly home.


Unfortunately, this is the cost we pay for letting them roam. I hope you feel better soon.


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## gizmoandloki

Thanks so much.


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## NebraskaCat

That is so very sad. I'm sorry for your loss. You and Gizmo need to give each other hugs in your mutual time of grief.


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## howsefrau32

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's our biggest fear when we have cats that are outdoor cats, cars, dogs, and poison. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Mitts & Tess

Im so sorry this happened. My heart goes out to you. I have two indoor/outdoor cats which came to me from the out of doors. My sister refused to make them stay inside so now they are conditioned to go outside. Every day I let them out I know its a calculated risk. There are a few cats which are just never going to be happy inside. You give them the best life they can have and let that be your comfort.

In the US it is very frowned on to have out of door cats. Lots of predators including humans! Plus cars, poisons, etc. Its a cultural thing how each country views this issue of keeping a cat indoors or out of doors. Loki was such a cute kitten. He is with the angels now and feels no pain. He knew your love to rescue him from an awful home to come live with you.


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## cat face

I'm sorry to hear about your Loki.. Please don't be so hard on yourself, Gizmo needs you now as much as you need him.
You took great care of Loki, the fault isn't yours it's with the mindless idiot that did this.
I know you feel you should have kept him safe, what more could you have done?
It is so very horrible to have this happen. 
I don't know, ..... I let my girls out but I pull them all in at nightfall, it sounds like you did too. That's about the only thing I can suggest to _try_ to make it 'safer'.

No matter what you do there are no guarantees <sighs>.. I am so sorry... Wish I were there to give you a hug. But Gizmo is and he sure could use a few from you!
Take care of yourself and Gizmo.. and maybe, who knows, in time, you may be able to get a little buddy for Gizmo... and yourself.


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## 10cats2dogs

I am so sorry for your loss...a big HUG to you. I had to make a decision a long time ago about the indoor/outdoor issue, now my seven cats are all indoors and no one complains about not being able to go outside, they have lots of toys and totally rule their inside universe. I lost a beautiful sweet de-clawed simese to vicious dogs years ago, (and no it wasn't me who had her de-clawed) she was a stray that had wandered in. That horrible loss taught me two things, one, I would never de-claw a cat and two, my cats would all be indoor only, I have tried to honor little PYES spirit since by being a better cat guardian. I know how much it hurts and you can't help but beat yourself up for the 'what ifs' But now gizmo needs you more than ever now...Again a big HUG to you.


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## gizmoandloki

NebraskaCat said:


> That is so very sad. I'm sorry for your loss. You and Gizmo need to give each other hugs in your mutual time of grief.


Thank you Nebraska Cat. We have been giving each other lots of cuddles. He keeps crying though, it's heartbreaking.


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## gizmoandloki

howsefrau32 said:


> I'm so sorry to hear this. It's our biggest fear when we have cats that are outdoor cats, cars, dogs, and poison. I'm so sorry for your loss.


Thanks Howsefrau. I know I've been worried about them since we brought them home as tiny kittens, but I just couldn't have kept them cooped up indoors. I'm even more panicked about Gizmo now, and my first instinct is to just keep him trapped in. I know that that wouldn't be fair on him either!


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## gizmoandloki

Mitts & Tess said:


> Im so sorry this happened. My heart goes out to you. I have two indoor/outdoor cats which came to me from the out of doors. My sister refused to make them stay inside so now they are conditioned to go outside. Every day I let them out I know its a calculated risk. There are a few cats which are just never going to be happy inside. You give them the best life they can have and let that be your comfort.
> 
> In the US it is very frowned on to have out of door cats. Lots of predators including humans! Plus cars, poisons, etc. Its a cultural thing how each country views this issue of keeping a cat indoors or out of doors. Loki was such a cute kitten. He is with the angels now and feels no pain. He knew your love to rescue him from an awful home to come live with you.


Thanks so much Mitts and Tess. Yes Loki especially wouldn't have been a happy indoors cat. He was very much an adventureous cat, who loved to be outside as much as possible. 

In the UK a lot of people let their cats roam, and where we live I thought it was pretty safe. We don't live near a busy road at all, our house pretty much backs onto fields, so lots of space to play. The road we live on is very quiet, so we naively thought they would very safe. 

Thank you, I'm glad that at least he had a happy 7 months with us.


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## gizmoandloki

cat face said:


> I'm sorry to hear about your Loki.. Please don't be so hard on yourself, Gizmo needs you now as much as you need him.
> You took great care of Loki, the fault isn't yours it's with the mindless idiot that did this.
> I know you feel you should have kept him safe, what more could you have done?
> It is so very horrible to have this happen.
> I don't know, ..... I let my girls out but I pull them all in at nightfall, it sounds like you did too. That's about the only thing I can suggest to _try_ to make it 'safer'.
> 
> No matter what you do there are no guarantees <sighs>.. I am so sorry... Wish I were there to give you a hug. But Gizmo is and he sure could use a few from you!
> Take care of yourself and Gizmo.. and maybe, who knows, in time, you may be able to get a little buddy for Gizmo... and yourself.


Thanks so much Cat Face. I know, in between the heart break I'm just so angry about it. We live on a really quiet road, which backs onto fields. Also where our house is there is a bend and speedbumps, no reason so be going fast at all! Who would just callously knock down a little cat and just leave them in the road to die, it just baffles me, I couldn't even consider it. 

Yes, we do brings ours (oh, I keep saying ours as if I still have two  ) in at night, but they go to the toilet outside, so I don't want to keep the cat flap locked completely. 

Thanks for the hugs, we've definitely been holding onto Gizmo a little tighter this week. It's so heartbreaking to watch him too. Loki was his little brother and they went everywhere together. Now he cries and sits at the window waiting for him. I just don't know how to help him/ 

Thanks for the support, very much appreciated.


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## gizmoandloki

7cats2dogs said:


> I am so sorry for your loss...a big HUG to you. I had to make a decision a long time ago about the indoor/outdoor issue, now my seven cats are all indoors and no one complains about not being able to go outside, they have lots of toys and totally rule their inside universe. I lost a beautiful sweet de-clawed simese to vicious dogs years ago, (and no it wasn't me who had her de-clawed) she was a stray that had wandered in. That horrible loss taught me two things, one, I would never de-claw a cat and two, my cats would all be indoor only, I have tried to honor little PYES spirit since by being a better cat guardian. I know how much it hurts and you can't help but beat yourself up for the 'what ifs' But now gizmo needs you more than ever now...Again a big HUG to you.


Hi 7cats2dogs, 

Thanks so much for the hug. I think that I would feel mean putting Gizmo inside now, he loves going out and playing in the fields. Where we live should have been the perfect place, not busy road, fields, gardens, that's why it's so much harder to deal with.  

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear about little Pyes, that's terrible! Also, about the declawing, that's like someone taking off your fingernails, how horrible. 

Thank you, I really appreciate it.


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## wallycat

I am so sorry!! I have hit a cat only once (it darted in front of my car so fast I barely saw it coming). I sat in my car as I saw him take off, but then he collapsed. I will NEVER forget that feeling. I sobbed so horribly...I put the car in reverse to see if I could get out of the road and look to see if he was ok but I backed into a mailbox; destroyed the bumper of my car; got the neighbor out of her house. She was horrified to see me hysterical. I was only a few blocks from my house so I called my DH. He came and got the cat and we took it to the humane society incase he was chipped or someone would look for him.
I still weep when I think of the poor dead cat. *SOB*
I am so deeply sorry for your loss and shame on the person who did not stop (if they realized they had done it). I am at least glad you found him so you won't be up all hours of the nights, wondering and worrying.


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## cat owner again

I am so sorry for the sudden loss. I am hoping that you and Gizmo will find comfort with each other. And that you can heal each other.


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## atm53

I'm very sorry for your loss of little Loki. Sometimes all we can do is learn from these tragedies. My Desmond was an indoor/outdoor cat before he came to the shelter where I adopted him; one of the terms of the adoption was that he be an indoor-only cat, which I had intended anyway. It's just not safe around here to let cats outside. Sometimes he yells at the door to go out and I have to say no because it's just not safe. Don't ever feel that you are depriving your cat by not allowing him or her outside.


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## gizmoandloki

wallycat said:


> I am so sorry!! I have hit a cat only once (it darted in front of my car so fast I barely saw it coming). I sat in my car as I saw him take off, but then he collapsed. I will NEVER forget that feeling. I sobbed so horribly...I put the car in reverse to see if I could get out of the road and look to see if he was ok but I backed into a mailbox; destroyed the bumper of my car; got the neighbor out of her house. She was horrified to see me hysterical. I was only a few blocks from my house so I called my DH. He came and got the cat and we took it to the humane society incase he was chipped or someone would look for him.
> I still weep when I think of the poor dead cat. *SOB*
> I am so deeply sorry for your loss and shame on the person who did not stop (if they realized they had done it). I am at least glad you found him so you won't be up all hours of the nights, wondering and worrying.


Thank you Wallycat for your kind words. That must have been horrible for that to have happened to you. I do understand these things happen, cats are so quick and it can happen in a second, so you shouldn't blame yourself. x


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## gizmoandloki

cat owner again said:


> I am so sorry for the sudden loss. I am hoping that you and Gizmo will find comfort with each other. And that you can heal each other.


Thank you so much. We're getting there. x


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## gizmoandloki

atm53 said:


> I'm very sorry for your loss of little Loki. Sometimes all we can do is learn from these tragedies. My Desmond was an indoor/outdoor cat before he came to the shelter where I adopted him; one of the terms of the adoption was that he be an indoor-only cat, which I had intended anyway. It's just not safe around here to let cats outside. Sometimes he yells at the door to go out and I have to say no because it's just not safe. Don't ever feel that you are depriving your cat by not allowing him or her outside.


Thanks atm53! Yeah I know, it's getting over that guilt mainly, thanks for the advice!


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## spirite

I'm so sorry. I used to let my first cat out too, and she was hit by a car and killed, so I know how awful it is to be grieving and also feeling unbelievably guilty. It just seems to make the pain so much worse. Try to remember how happy he was being outside. 

I was so devastated by that experience that my current cats are only allowed out on my deck. I put in a pet gate so they can't get out. Margaux is always trying - she always wants to be outside. Before she went blind, she used to love going for walks on her harness. Are either of those a possibility so that Gizmo could still be outside but you wouldn't have to worry so much about him being out or feel guilty if you decide to bring him in? 

Sending you and Gizmo my best wishes and sympathy.


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## gizmoandloki

Thanks for your message Spirite! Yeah he loved being outside, although I wish he was still here, I'm glad that he got to experience all the fun outside in the fields. Yes, I'm definitely much more protective of Gizmo now, it's horrible. Yes, I was thinking about doing that, we live right near massive fields. 

Thank you so much, I'm so sorry for your loss too


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## fizzletto

I lost my Cookie in August (wow.. was it really only last month? it feels like a lifetime ago) he was hit by a car too. Same situation as your kitty - they didn't even stop just drove right on by.

I phoned up the breeder I got him from, in hysterics, bawling my eyes out. She told me, very sincerely, that Cookie had had the best life a cat could ever want. He was free, able to play outside in the sun and grass, stalking birds and mice, playing with other cats, enjoying the sun on his face and the wind through his fur. He lived like a king even though he only lived a short life. My breeder said that she would never choose to lock a cat up indoors so that it could live a miserable, bored, long life - and she said that if cats could speak and you asked them their opinion, they would tell you that they would rather take the risk.

It's like that old saying - would you rather live 100 years as a slave, or 1 year as a king?

If you know cats as well as I do then you know what they would choose.

Loki only lived a short life but it was the best he could EVER have hoped for, and I firmly believe that you absolutely did the right thing in letting him to roam free. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.


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