# My Charlie



## Charlie’s Momma (9 mo ago)

Hi I’m Charlie’s Momma. I’m here because I need help making a painful decision. Charlie has been my buddy for almost 13 years. He came into my life as a 8-9 week old rescue that had been dumped on the highway. I have three other rescue kitties. They are all different and I love them all. BUT Charlie and I just bonded on day one. Just that extra special connection. 
Now the reason for seeking out this site. Approximately 8 months ago we noticed a rapid weight loss in our previously big boy. He previously voracious appetite became nonexistent. I took him to several different vets in my area and areas nearby because apparently we have a vet shortage or a pet influx around my area. The first vet ran a series of tests. Found nothing wrong but gave him some fluids, antibiotics,etc and an appetite stimulant to take home. The second vet appoint was almost a week later, on a weekend of course. This vet said his liver values were up a bit from not eating and set us up with some food to syringe feed him at home. A month later I took him to another vet closer to my area because he still wasn’t doing well, needing to be syringe fed, and he was straining but unable to poop. He was diagnosed with mega colon. We tried medications but he still was unable to pass stool and what was in his colon was hard as a rock. This vet said syringe feedings are only for very short time use and placed a esphagotomy tube for feeds. He underwent a colon removal and I thought we had gotten to the bottom of the problem. However he still ate very little by mouth so the tube feedings continued. About 5 weeks later I noticed a foul smell coming from the tube insertion site. He had developed an abscess and need another surgery. When that tube was removed a very tiny tube was placed in his nose for feeds but it bothered him so much we had it removed. Fast forward to two weeks ago. I was shown how to give him subQ fluids because his kidney values were elevated. He stopped eating immediately after that. 
Now we are back where we started. He is losing what is left of his weight (never did put any back on but was able to maintain). He is completely off of his food where he was eating at least a little. He is nauseous and any food offered results in retching and gagging. He still comes out for cuddles from time to time but that’s decreasing. 
I just love him so much. I need to do what’s right for him. But I don’t want to give up on him. I keep thinking maybe if we took care of the nausea he could eat and start doing better. Do I take him back to the vet or do I let nature take it’s course? I have numbers for vets who will do in home euthanasia but every time I think of it I get that crushing feeling of overwhelming anxiety/ sadness. My heart is so heavy. 
All input will be helpful. 
Thank you,
CM


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I'm so sorry about what all of you are going through. I've had to make this difficult decision twice. If he was my cat, I would let him go now. He's had a great life with you and your final act of love would be to let him go. Personally, I couldn't do that at home because I think that I would forever look at the spot where it happened and it would remind me all the time of where I had to say goodbye. But that's just me. And I would much rather let go a little before necessary than let him suffer any longer. With my first cat, Cinderella, once she stopped eating on her own, I took her in. I could have syringe-fed her to keep her around for another week or two, but it would have been just for me, not wanting to let her go.

Such a heartbreaking decision, at least you have the other kitties. I also had three other cats who helped me through it.


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## Kaylesh (Aug 22, 2010)

I too have had to make that hard heartbreaking decision several times over the course of my life of having cats in my life.. It is NEVER easy..
I've always tried to look at it as... quality of life vs quantity.. and have always mad the decision when the quality of that particular moggies life had decreased..
It always crushed my heart.. but try to look at it as the last act of ultimate love to put them out of their misery when their quality of life diminished. 
Always a safe place here to voice how you feel.. My thoughts are with you.


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## Charlie’s Momma (9 mo ago)

He passed away today. My husband and I held him as he passed. 💔


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## Kaylesh (Aug 22, 2010)

My thoughts are with you both as you start to deal with the grief.


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## Charlie’s Momma (9 mo ago)

Kaylesh said:


> My thoughts are with you both as you start to deal with the grief.


Thank you 🙏. The pain is so deep and crushing. I miss him so much. I just can’t believe he’s gone. My faithful companion. He had the most loving way of looking at me. Everywhere I went he’d be there. With that beautiful little face just looking for some love and pats. I happily obliged, although his timing was terrible. He’d come up quietly behind me and tap the back of my calf. Always lying down just behind my heels. I used to joke he’d be the cause of my broken hip one day. And poof. He’s gone. In just a moment. It all changed. My heart hurts.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I'd like to think my Cinderella and Cali were waiting for him when he crossed over. Cinderella is kind and loving and will take him under her angel wings. Cali, on the other hand, may get him into a bit of trouble, but he'll have fun.

He's pain free now and, in time, knowing that may help heal your hearts.


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## Charlie’s Momma (9 mo ago)

marie73 said:


> I'd like to think my Cinderella and Cali were waiting for him when he crossed over. Cinderella is kind and loving and will take him under her angel wings. Cali, on the other hand, may get him into a bit of trouble, but he'll have fun.
> 
> He's pain free now and, in time, knowing that may help heal your hearts.


Thank you 🙏. He was ready to go. And I’m truly glad he isn’t in misery and his exit from this world was quick. He was such a big part of my life, losing him is so painful. The emptiness is overwhelming.


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## kittyblues (9 mo ago)

Charlie’s Momma said:


> He passed away today. My husband and I held him as he passed. 💔


Hi there ♥ I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your Charlie. Losing a cat to illness, and coming to the decision to prevent them further suffering is one of the most difficult choices to make. I just went through the exact same thing with my girl Minnie back in February. After a few inconclusive visits to the vet, we finally learned she was suffering from cirrhosis, and her liver had lost about 80% of its size. There was no chance she would ever improve. She was 10 years old, but I only adopted her 4 years prior. I still feel extraordinarily robbed. My partner and I were blessed in that we got to say our goodbyes in the comfort of our home, but it's still such a minor solace compared to the major hole she left in our life. 

You sound like an _amazing _kitty mom. When I was grappling with the decision to say goodbye to Minnie, my vet passed along this message to me: It is infinitely better to let them go a day "too early" than one second second "too late." I am certain that your boy Charlie knew exactly how hard this was for you, and was just grateful to have spent his life with people who loved him. I'm sure things are still very raw for you right now. If you're like me, there may be moments you feel waves of panic and grief over whether or not you made the right choice or "gave up too early". Please, _please_ know that you made the right choice. There is no resentment after death. Your sweet kitty boy is at peace, and his passing sounds like it was truly a loving, gentle moment. 

I know your heart and home feel empty right now. It's been almost 2 months since Minnie passed, and I still struggle with it. But please know that you are seen in this grief. Those of us who have truly felt a connection with our animals knows exactly how painful this is, and you are not alone ♥


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## miscellaneous (May 24, 2021)

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Charlie boy. He is at rest now.


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