# Asking for advice in helping mom through grieving process...



## 2kids3cats4me (Jan 6, 2004)

I just talked to my mom about 45 minutes ago. Her cat, Babes, is 17 years old and his health has been failing in the last year. He barely eats enough to keep a bird alive and probably weighs 5 pounds soaking wet!After MONTHS of hmming and hawing over what to do she called the vet today and has made an appointment to have him put to sleep at 5 o'clock, just minutes away.

Babes was the "glue" that sort of held her life together for quite some time. She and my dad divorced about 10 years ago and with me and my brother being adults and out of the house those two have been bosom buddies for years. 

What kinds of advice can anyone offer on helping her through this? First off, I asked her if she wanted me to go with to the vet but she said no, that she wanted to be alone. I don't want to force her into going out and doing things or being with people if she doesn't want to but at the same time, knowing how my mom is, I feel bad just leaving her alone.

Also, the part about getting another pet. She's told me for years now "I'll never find another cat like Babes." Well, no she won't but she can't spend her life looking for a cat with that exact personality either. 

Babes was so mild mannered and cuddly and I know she would definitely enjoy that in a cat again. I suggested if she were to get another cat as a kitten that that kitten would probably adapt easier to the way mom likes a cat to be rather than an adult.

Any other suggestions? I don't want to cram any ideas down her throat. I know she's going to need time to get over this loss before she moves onto another cat but how much time is reasonable?


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

I'm terribly sorry to hear this. I hope she'll accept a sweet little kitten. I think youll have to judge the timing, as you know your mom best. I hope she finds a loving kitten who needs her.


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## Kobster (Feb 1, 2007)

How very sad for your Mom. My heart goes out to her. I think the how long is long enough question is a very personal one, varrying from individual to individual. What may be long enough for you, may not be long enough for her. Truthfully, she may never be able to have another cat, maybe another type of pet instead. Thats an extreme example, but its possible. In my case, the right new cat always came into my life at the right time for me, I never had to go looking, but I'm not sure if others are quite as lucky. I think for right now, its best to just be her sounding board, and her shoulder to cry on as she grieves this loss. I think she will let you know when the time is right for another companion.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

When my Mom had to let go of Minnie, she couldn't be there. She waited outside and her best friend and the vet came out to talk to her afterwards. She said she didn't ever want another cat again, but she's been talking about it lately. But it's been _months_, Jo, so it's taken time for her to miss having a cat around. 

At first, she said it was nice for her to have her old chair back that Minnie had taken over, not having to lug kitty litter from the car, or deal with litter boxes, buying food, giving daily medication (she had chosen a cat with special needs).

Now she's actually sounding like she might get one, but I'm still not pressuring her or asking about it. But I think it might be soon.  

I think like others have said, when the right cat comes along, it'll happen.


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## kitkat (Sep 22, 2003)

I'm sorry to hear about Babes. I think instead of a kitten though that she'd be better off with an adult cat. Usually adult cats are set in their ways somewhat more than a kitten & if she finds an adult cat to her liking, it will most likely stay that way unlike a kitten. Regardless, she will know when it's time to get another kitty


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear about Babes. I know from experience only 2 months ago what a heartbreak it is. I hope your Mom gets as much sympathy and condolences as I did at that time. Maybe she would even like to post on this Forum.

Speaking just for myself, of course, I found the house so unbearably empty when Rookie died that I was almost immediately immersed in getting another cat. We had Murphy home 2 weeks later. I've since learned that no other cat will replace Rookie, but we love Murphy to death and he makes our life joyful again in a way only a cat could do. I hope your Mom decides to get another one.


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## 2kids3cats4me (Jan 6, 2004)

Thanks for all the words of advice and heartfelt messages. I actually forgot I posted in here so have failed to respond until now.

Mom is doing remarkably well. The evening after she had Babes put to sleep she went out for dinner with me, hubby and the kids. I think being around the grandkids helped to take her mind off it, even if for just a while. She was still teary-eyed off and over the weekend but by Monday she seemed to be better. I think getting back to work helps keep her focused on other things too.

She told me that now that Babes is gone she's actually looking forward to doing some other things around the yard and such that she has put off because she was so attentive to him during his illness. She loves gardening and flowers so with warmer weather approaching she'll be busy with all that soon.

This is probably going to sound stupid and quite tasteless but the day that my mother-in-law was buried mom talked to the guy that owns and operates that cementary (also has a section dedicated to pets that I mentioned in the thread about MIL). So she bought a plot for Babes and had him taken out there. She went up and saw the spot last night after work. After she gets her economic stimulus package check she is going to get a decent marker for Babes.

I have a good friend who lives on a farm about 40 miles from here. Mom told me to ask her if they have a mother cat expecting kittens soon. She's always had a soft spot for the 'runt of the batch' and she wants it to be fluffy. Male or female doesn't matter to her; just be sure it's small and fluffy! She loves our cats but they're monstrosities compared to Heinz 57-variety farm cats she's used to. She always tells me "I can't imagine buying food for such big cats." :lol:


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

She really loved Babe. If she wanted her to have a special place, that was the right thing to do. 

We bury our precious pets next to my flower beds, and say a prayer of thanksgiving that God shared our precious pet with us. 

It's hard to stop crying, but a kitten is needy and has always helped me. However, I still cry when I think of my pets at the Bridge. I'm glad your mom is going to give a kitten a great life. I can picture her cradling her soft and fluffy baby.


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## 2kids3cats4me (Jan 6, 2004)

Jeanie said:


> She really loved Babe. If she wanted her to have a special place, that was the right thing to do.


Yeah, you know, when I talked to her last night she said the toughest part has actually been sleeping. Every night, without fail, Babes would jump up on the bed seconds after mom had gotten there, climb up on the pillow next to mom's head, do a circle, and suck on his foot until he fell asleep. Yep, suck on his foot! She told me some nights the noise of this would prevent her from falling asleep so she'd look at him and say "you be quiet and go to sleep now" in a baby-like tone and he would reciprocate with a high-pitched "mew," stop sucking and go to sleep. 

His mother died of some illness (we think it may have been distemper) on the farm when I was growing up. We found him as a tiny little kitten, nowhere near the proper age for weaning. Mom nursed him back to health and bottle fed him to the point where her hands were completely scratched up from doing so! Finally, she got tired of her hands being tortured so one day she got a shallow dish out, poured some milk in it and pushed Babes' face in it. :lol: He figured out right then and there how to drink on his own.

Anyway, the point of that long story was to say that he wasn't properly weaned from his mother and, as a result, began sucking on his foot to calm himself. The vet told us animals do that a lot in those situations. He never ever stopped sucking on his foot. His white fur actually became yellowed in that spot over the years from constantly being wet.

The other thing mom is going to miss was his daily run through the house like a streak of lightening, stop short in the middle of the living room, tackle the heck out of his play spider (which she had buried with him), and then proceed to calmly go sit down in his favorite spot in the house. :lol: Animals can be so predictable in their actions yet manage to be humorous each time they do it!


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## seashell (Dec 5, 2003)

I'm so glad to hear mother is considering getting a kitten, despite her sorrow.
It was lovely to read about Babes and his story - funny as well as touching. Thank you for sharing that.
It was very touching to think of him being buried with his play spider, bless him.

seashell


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

There is such a special bond with the babies we nurse back from the edge! Babes sounds like such a great companion to her. What a great story. No kitty will ever be able to replace her. But to give room to a runt to have a great life is what it is all about. My heart goes out to your mom. Such a nice jesture for Babes and a headstone. She will never be forgotten.


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## kittypeeps (Apr 3, 2008)

*Help the felines, a good way to honor them*

Im so sorry to hear about your mom's kitty. 

I just lost my kitty too. i am also the president of a club that help animals. It's called the Nature's heroes association. Me and my club are doing a program to help the felines in need. we are doing it in hounor of my kitty and all the other kitties that have passed away. i think it is a good way of hounoring thier memory. 

if you or your mom, or any one else here in this forum would like to help the kitties in our program, go to our website. 


i will post a link in a moment.


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