# Getting too attached to fosters?



## Weezle (Mar 3, 2013)

So, this isn't technically a foster situation as I am not dealing with an organization. But, I have agreed to take in a kitten and care for her until we can find her a new home. Her current/previous owner got the cat for her children and tossed her outside after one of them pulled her tail and the cat reacted and scratched. The kitten had never been outside and they are no feeding her. I believe they are going to pick her up tomorrow. My worry isn't about taking care of her. I am afraid I will get too attached and not be able to let her go. We already have three cats and the space isn't really large enough to add a 4th. If that wasn't the case I'd just take her in myself. 

How do all of you amazing foster parents manage not to get so attached that you keep them all?! Or is it just always a bittersweet farewell? Nothing wills ever me from helping this baby find her forever home. I just want to know your stories and maybe some tips? 


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## Tiliqua (Jan 22, 2013)

I haven't fostered for too long, so haven't had too many leave. But I find that it is bittersweet but happy knowing that they are going to a loving home. The best part about fostering is that you get to help lots of cats - more than if I just kept as many cats as I could fit in my place! So giving one away to it's forever home means you get to meet a new kitty in need and provide that safe, loving temporary home for it until it finds a forever home.


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## mumof7kitties (Jan 27, 2013)

I have 7 cats. 'Nuff said! 

I don't name my foster babies, I just call them all either little dude or little miss. It's easier (barely) when they don't have names. 

When I foster an adult I usually take in the angel kitties, the ones who are old and have medical issues like diabetes or hyperthyroid. They're usually with me till the end. It's a heartbreak. A huge one. For both the kittens and the angels. But the kittens deserve a good and loving start and the angels deserve a good life at the end. I deal with letting go knowing I'm giving them what they need. Love. Security. Food & water. More love. 


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## Tiliqua (Jan 22, 2013)

Wow - lots of respect for you! The angel kitties would be extremely tough, it is so nice that there are people out there that will give them a good life until the end.


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## 3furbabies (Dec 7, 2011)

I highly respect all of you who foster!!! I would love to and wish I could. One of the three cats is territorial and needs a long slow intro process so bringing cats in and out would stress her out too much. Plus I have no clue how I would give cats back. I get very attached very fast and would end up with 10 cats lol. 


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## shan841 (Jan 19, 2012)

Its always hard, but there are a few things that make it easier....

1. I always meet and approve the adopters myself. Luckily the shelter I foster for lets me have control of that. 

2. Staying in touch with adopters and getting updates and pictures from their new home.

3. Getting a new foster....as soon as my foster gets adopted I get another. I usually take in sick adult cats, that are really stressed in the shelter. 

I wouldnt be able to help more if I kept them all obviously, so I just remember that I gave them a chance at a good life, something they may not have had without me. 

Good luck and just know that you are doing a wonderful thing <3


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## NebraskaCat (Jan 15, 2013)

mumof7kitties said:


> When I foster an adult I usually take in the angel kitties


I've considered fostering, specifically hospice situations. But I'm gone 10 hours a day for work and don't know if that would be fair to the cat. And I know it wouldn't work with cats who need meds or monitoring or sub-q fluids every 4 or 6 hours. But in general, do shelters allow people who are gone for extended hours to foster?


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## shan841 (Jan 19, 2012)

NebraskaCat said:


> I've considered fostering, specifically hospice situations. But I'm gone 10 hours a day for work and don't know if that would be fair to the cat. And I know it wouldn't work with cats who need meds or monitoring or sub-q fluids every 4 or 6 hours. But in general, do shelters allow people who are gone for extended hours to foster?


In general, shelters are extremely stressful for cats. All of the strange smells and sounds, as well as the small cages they are kept in....pretty much any foster situation is going to be better than them being in the shelter. As long as you have the time to keep up with food/cleaning and a little interaction everyday, its much better than what they would have otherwise!

Obviously you shouldnt take in bottle babies or elderly cats that need meds more often than you can provide, but yes, its perfectly fine to be gone 10 hours a day!


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## Leazie (Apr 14, 2007)

My hubby and I consider ourselves foster failures since we took in 3 siblings and 11 years later they are still here, running the house. 

I applaud you for taking in the kitten and keeping it safe.


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## mumof7kitties (Jan 27, 2013)

Nebraskacat the answer is yes, absolutely. There are kitties who need meds once a day or twice a day. The rest of the time they need a secure & quiet place to just live without any stress. Just talk to the shelter and let them know your situation and they'll pair you with a kitty that'll work best for you. 

Also like Shan mentioned above, I always try to find the homes that my kittens go to and then keep in touch with them. I also make them promise that if something happens to not put them in a shelter but instead bring them back to me. 


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## JungliBillis (Mar 20, 2013)

You guys are so awesome for helping out cats in need...especially old or sick ones. I'd hate to see kitties pass away...it'd make me so sad. You are so courageous!


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

I feel so unworthy when I read of what you guys do. And I just can't understand how someone kicks a kitten out to die. They shouldn't have animals to begin with.


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## mumof7kitties (Jan 27, 2013)

cat owner again said:


> I feel so unworthy when I read of what you guys do. And I just can't understand how someone kicks a kitten out to die. They shouldn't have animals to begin with.


I get pretty angry too. Old cats and dogs and other critters who've given their entire lives to a family are dumped in their time of need. I realize sometimes it's owners dying etc. but a lot of times it's just too difficult for someone to deal with an old pet so they give them up. There's so many angel babies in our shelter here who need a loving home and warm place to lay. The shelter covers all medical. They just need a home. Some have been there for a few years. I am always an emotional wreck when I leave there. 


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## love.my.cats (Jan 29, 2009)

It can be hard but I always tell people who are struggling to say goodbye to a foster to remember that they're making such a big difference. The more cats(or dogs) you can bring yourself to let move on to new homes, the more you can save. 
It also helps having a husband who puts his foot down and doesn't allow you to adopt them all. =p


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## Venusworld21 (Oct 23, 2012)

I'd always wanted to foster but wasn't sure I could do it until I came home from work one day and found a cat who wasn't mine parked on my front porch. We spent two months looking but never found her owners and I ended up getting her put up for adoption with a no-kill group I volunteered with. I got to keep in touch with her every day until she found her home (2 months later, so total of 4 months being fostered). After that I contact my local shelter and dove in.

Over 3 years and 70 cats and kittens later....and each goodbye is still bittersweet. I think the best foster homes always have their hearts break when their fosters leave. 

I've only "foster failed" twice. Once with a kitten who was crazy and one of our permanent cats had to be put to sleep while we had her. We had been worried about sending the kitten back up for adoption anyway, and when our old girl was PTS, it created an "opening" so we decided to keep the kitten (Daytona). The other "failure" was Erek. He was a private foster (meaning not through the shelter, so I was footing any and all bills) and was born with a very rare and life-threatening birth defect called pectus excavatum. It took 5 months, 2 surgeries and several hundred dollars to get him well. I bottle fed him 3 times a day from age 3 weeks to 9 weeks. I had two different adopters who wanted him but both backed out at the last moment. I figured he was meant to stay and we ended up keeping him.

I name them all...every one. It makes it easier for me to tell them apart and see their personalities and it helps them get homes when it comes time for adoption. I think of myself as a "stop" or a "stage" of their lives....like nursing from mom, that will eventually end. I can still love them and spoil them but it keeps me from getting so attached that I can't let go when it's time. 

Meeting the new owners helps, but the shelter I foster for doesn't allow that, so it's only been rarely that I meet the new owners of my fosters. I visualize it this way: Each foster I have will take a piece of my soul with them when they go. It will be their talisman. They will have known what it means to be loved and no matter where they go or what happens, it will keep them safe.


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## NebraskaCat (Jan 15, 2013)

Venusworld21: Wow. And on behalf of your fosters and people who love them... thank you.


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## Mylita (Jan 23, 2013)

Venusworld21, what a wonderful thing you do! What a blessing you give your foster kitties! I am in awe, I couldn't do it, I'd be the little old cat hoarder lady without a hubby..... 

Mylita


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## Lovemychanel (Mar 20, 2013)

@venus that is amazing and no doubt they feel the love...I see your passion through your story and its a [email protected] are hoot...)) 


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## Venusworld21 (Oct 23, 2012)

Thanks.  One other thing I thought of that helps with the letting go....I am a permanent safety net for every animal I've ever fostered. Any private fosters have adoption contracts stipulating that they come back to me if the new owners can't keep them for any reason, at any point in the cat's life. And the shelter knows that I will take back any of my fosters from there if they need me to. 

So far I've had 4 come back to me...3 of my own private fosters (a brother and sister kitten pair at 5 months when the child in their new home developed severe allergies and one of my guys who developed litterbox issues in his new home. I worked him through them after 6 weeks and he was re-adopted to a different family where he's been doing well for the last couple months) and one from the shelter (she was the mother cat of my first foster litter. After being in the shelter for 3 months, she "bit" someone. The shelter agreed she was stressed out and that the bite didn't break the skin, but they couldn't put her back in the adoption room so she came to live with me for 2 months until I was able to get her a home through craigslist).


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## dreamangl686 (Jun 20, 2011)

i am a foster failure  i've adopted two of my fosters. however, i've fostered a total of 14 so far, and plan to foster more this season. it is a bittersweet farewell but there are things that help like others have said. getting to know who the new parent will be always, always helps me. my organization allows me to meet and basically choose the next parent for my foster kitten. reminding yourself from the start this is a temporary thing also helps, but is pretty impossible. and currently, for me at least, i cannot take in another permanent cat. two is enough for now, and there is just nothing i can do about it. good luck!


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## jadis (Jul 9, 2011)

I've been fostering since last summer and I've had four fosters, two of which have been adopted. I love them all but I was very attached to one of them in particular and hated letting her go. I had her for 6 months and it seemed like she was adopted just when she was getting comfortable and bonding with my other cats. BUT, she went to a really good, quiet home that in the end is more suited to her personality, and by letting her go to her new home I was able to take in a kitten that would have ended up at a not so good shelter...and that's why I keep doing it, because there is always another one waiting that needs help.


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## pkbshrew (Feb 13, 2013)

We started fostering in Oct. Since then We've fostered 20 kittens (kept 2 so have 4 of our own now) and 4 adult cats. We've only lost one so far - one of the adults who had the most appalling skin condition I've ever seen. Poor, poor Odette. It was my decision to let her go to kittie heaven and it was devastating not to be able to save her. HOWEVER at least I know she had a lovely last month security, warmth, good food, yummy drinks, a cosy bed, pain relief and heaps of love, cuddles and attention. 

In regard to the letting them go back to the shelter - I foster for a private shelter and know the owner really well .She is incredibly fussy when it comes to adopting out and won't hesitate to refuse an adoption if she feels it isn't right etc so I know that my wee babies are going to good homes and will be loved forever. The shelter will also take back any animal that has been adopted out without question if necessary which puts my mind at ease. She always tells me who has adopted my babies and what they are like. The families very often post photos and pictures of their new babies on the shelter website and it lovely to see them growing up 

I also name all of our babies ... that's lotsa fun hehe! Yes, it's hard to let them go, but I am also aware that I have not only turned their lives around but in many cases have saved their lives. Not only am I saying good bye to a happy, healthy, well adjusted wee baby but there are many, many more little souls out there that need our help. I see our foster home as a stepping stone for these wee ones on their journey forwards to a happy life full of love :luv


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## bobbiemama (Apr 8, 2013)

I could never foster, I would get too attached and have a houseful. You have to be a very special kind of person to set a kitty back on track and then let her go. I work with rescue kitties, but I go to them, and being in their space really helps when it's time for them to go. Thanks for doing what you do.


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## mumof7kitties (Jan 27, 2013)

I got my first call yesterday to foster a newborn kitten this season. I had to say no since I'm in my last few weeks of classes and between interning, classes, & my own family I had to say no. I did tell them to give me 3 more weeks and I'd take all they could throw at me. I always feel so terrible turning them away. 


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## Venusworld21 (Oct 23, 2012)

mumof7kitties said:


> I I always feel so terrible turning them away.



Me too. I ended up with 15 fosters once because I couldn't say no. I already had 4 shelter fosters and an emergency came up with a coworker's family's cats so I got 11 more. As glad as I was to help them (everyone made it through just fine)...I have now learned to say no. :crazy


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## mumof7kitties (Jan 27, 2013)

Oh my goodness! Fifteen! Were the mommas with them? If I'm bottle feeding I can't take that many at a time. Between cleaning them, feeding them, socializing, keeping the bedding clean, etc. I just don't feel like they'd get enough love from me. Now if momma kitty were there too that's different. They do most of the work and I get baby kitten playtime. Lol. 


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## bobbiemama (Apr 8, 2013)

Venusworld21 said:


> Thanks.  One other thing I thought of that helps with the letting go....I am a permanent safety net for every animal I've ever fostered. Any private fosters have adoption contracts stipulating that they come back to me if the new owners can't keep them for any reason, at any point in the cat's life. And the shelter knows that I will take back any of my fosters from there if they need me to.
> 
> So far I've had 4 come back to me...3 of my own private fosters (a brother and sister kitten pair at 5 months when the child in their new home developed severe allergies and one of my guys who developed litterbox issues in his new home. I worked him through them after 6 weeks and he was re-adopted to a different family where he's been doing well for the last couple months) and one from the shelter (she was the mother cat of my first foster litter. After being in the shelter for 3 months, she "bit" someone. The shelter agreed she was stressed out and that the bite didn't break the skin, but they couldn't put her back in the adoption room so she came to live with me for 2 months until I was able to get her a home through craigslist).


Oh, that is wonderful! You'll know they are doing well, and I sure most do. Great idea, much better than sending a baby off into the unknown.


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## Venusworld21 (Oct 23, 2012)

mumof7kitties said:


> Oh my goodness! Fifteen! Were the mommas with them? If I'm bottle feeding I can't take that many at a time. Between cleaning them, feeding them, socializing, keeping the bedding clean, etc. I just don't feel like they'd get enough love from me. Now if momma kitty were there too that's different. They do most of the work and I get baby kitten playtime. Lol.
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


Yes, all had mamas, so it was mom and 3 kittens (8 weeks) from the shelter and mom and 3 (10 weeks) and another mom and her 6 (3 weeks) from my coworker's family. Plus my own permanent 5 (two of whom were under a year old at the time). Two hours a day, just to clean all the litters and cages and I was bottle feeding the youngest six 'cause poor mama was in sorry shape herself and not making enough milk for six. The shelter batch went back a week after I got the 11 (which is the only reason I agreed to take the extra 11 at all, even as an emergency) and the 10 week olds and their mom got spayed/neutered a week after that so it was really only 2 weeks of insanity before it calmed down a little. Still....never that many again. :wink


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