# Cat has problems with independence?



## savoirfaire (Nov 13, 2011)

Hi all,

Whenever I come home from work, or wherever, I hear my cat coming from my bedroom. Although I can't guarantee this, I am 99% certain she comes out from under the bed.

Whether I am gone for 2 hours or 12, this is what happens. The other day I had done some house cleaning and put all her toys in a neat pile (but very accessible for the kitten), and left for work. I returned many hours later and nothing was amiss at all, no toys touched, no ruffled blankets, nothing.

She pretty much just stayed under the bed the whole time. When I sleep, she hides under the bed as well. She will usually bother me a handful of times when I am sleeping to try and wake me up, but if I don't get out of bed she goes back under the bed and waits a bit longer. She will wait forever. 

She doesn't play too much by herself, and usually tries to get my attention, but when I am busy she will do some of her own exploring and occasionally check things out in rooms I am not in, as long as I am awake.

This seems weird to me. If I go to work for 8 hours, and then I'm tired and go to bed right after for 8 hours (shift work), I highly doubt she wants to be under that bed doing nothing for 16 hours. Aren't cats supposed to be these independent creatures? She's not very affectionate, she's just clingy. 

Is there a way I can encourage her to enjoy herself, explore, and play when I am not home, rather than just hiding under the bed whenever I'm not available?


Other note: She NEVER sleeps on a bed, a couch or any kind of cushion. Only on the floor under the bed, on the floor in the middle of the living room (rarely), or, of all places, on the hand towel in the bathroom, but only when the bedroom is closed off to her. Also seems weird to me. It's almost as if she's afraid to relax in "exposed" places or places that I like to relax. She is 5 months old and I have had her since she was 10 weeks.


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## littlesushi (Jun 8, 2011)

i am pretty sure my cats pretty much sleep when i am at work. there have been days where i have been at home sick and they slept most of the day. one of my girls also sleeps under my bed, which worried me at first, but she seems pretty happy and active when we are home, so i'm thinking she just likes it and sees it as one of "her" spots.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

My cats LOVE being under my bed. It's Charlee's favorite place.


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## savoirfaire (Nov 13, 2011)

marie73 said:


> My cats LOVE being under my bed. It's Charlee's favorite place.


It's not so much she goes under the bed, it's that she won't leave under the bed until I get up, and she hides there constantly when I'm not at home. When I am at home and awake, she almost never goes under the bed for more than a minute. I expect her to have things she wants to do when I am not paying attention to her, but she doesn't do anything, just hides.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Some cats take longer to come out of their shell. Cleo is doing things now, four years later, that she's never done before. Every cat has their own little schedule and journey.

A year from now, you might be posting that she's driving you crazy, constantly wanting attention! :grin:


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

Taken away from her momacat and litter mates at 10 weeks is too young, and she likely did miss out in a lot of rough housing, chasing, pouncing and playing. Most kitties start to play around 6 weeks., but it is really in the weeks from 8-12 wks.+ plus that they really get into wild play. Could be she never really experienced it, so doesn't know what to do. If you sit on the floor with her, can you get her to chase a cord, if you drag it around you? Or if you use a fishing-pole type of toy, like "Da Bird"? Try and get her to play....roll up some small foil or paper balls and try to get her to chase after them. Another kitty (at least 12 wks. old + that's been well socialized to people and litter mates and that's confident and playful may be able to bring her out of her shell. Is it possible for you to have another one?


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## savoirfaire (Nov 13, 2011)

catloverami said:


> Taken away from her momacat and litter mates at 10 weeks is too young, and she likely did miss out in a lot of rough housing, chasing, pouncing and playing. Most kitties start to play around 6 weeks., but it is really in the weeks from 8-12 wks.+ plus that they really get into wild play. Could be she never really experienced it, so doesn't know what to do. If you sit on the floor with her, can you get her to chase a cord, if you drag it around you? Or if you use a fishing-pole type of toy, like "Da Bird"? Try and get her to play....roll up some small foil or paper balls and try to get her to chase after them. Another kitty (at least 12 wks. old + that's been well socialized to people and litter mates and that's confident and playful may be able to bring her out of her shell. Is it possible for you to have another one?


I don't know, people seemed to miss my point. She tries to get me to play with her ALL THE TIME. She roughhouses a lot and bites and stuff. She is a playful energetic kitty. 

The problem is, she seems too dependent on me. I thought cats were independent, but I can't go into a room without her being in there too. The weird thing is, she almost never looks for affection. So when I'm around, yeah, she is everywhere and playful and all that. I'm not complaining about this, but her being social is not the problem.

When I am NOT around or am sleeping, she is under the bed, and only under the bed. That's what's weird to me. Like she can't do anything unless I'm present. Like she's afraid or something. That's what I am scratching my head about. Like my example, I was gone for 8 hours at work, and saw that my house was untouched, she came out from under the bed to see me, then I went straight to bed for another 8 hours, and she hid under the bed that entire time as well. So she was waiting 16 hours doing nothing but hiding under the bed until she could finally interact with me. Whereas I would think she would get tired of sitting under the bed and trying to get in trouble on her own without me. Make sense?


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## amelia100 (Mar 12, 2011)

cats like companionship, some more than others. perhaps get her a little friend. (another cat). I couldn't have just one cat. I'd feel bad leaving them alone for so long.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

savoirfaire said:


> I don't know, people seemed to miss my point.


I think Catlover's response was EXACTLY the point. She was taken away from her mother too early and hasn't learned how to ACT like a cat. 

Imo, her neediness is a direct result of that. If she never learned to be an independent cat and was pulled away from mom at an impressionable age she doesn't know how to feel safe when you're not there.

As someone else suggested another young playful kitten might just be the ticket. They can bond with each other and keep each other company and you might not be the focus of her constant obsession.


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## savoirfaire (Nov 13, 2011)

amelia100 said:


> cats like companionship, some more than others. perhaps get her a little friend. (another cat). I couldn't have just one cat. I'd feel bad leaving them alone for so long.


I have read a lot on getting two cats instead of one, and I admit I would kind of like to do it so that she has some company to play with. 

Unfortunately, it's probably not an option. I have cat allergies, she is supposed to be a hypoallergenic cat, and I have had fewer reactions with her than I ever had. But I still have them. Doubling the cats, especially with a rescue cat would probably make things much worse.

In addition, the added expense of a second cat is something I can't really afford right now.

Still, thank you for your thoughts.


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## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

My second adoption, whom I took in from the colony I feed, same as my first adoption, behaves the same way. After 11 hours I come back home to find her in exactly the same spot. Part of it is Prince attacks her if she moves around, but a big part of it is the way she is. 

For 6 months she never played, she's only now started and it's a delight to see her play. But most of all she loves to lie on the bed or under it all day doing nothing (and being petted if possible). 

I suspect she was like that before too, when she lived in the streets, because I absolutely never saw her except at feeding time, unlike the rest of the cats, whom I'd see at some point or another in the streets apart from feeding time. 

If her purring is anything to go by, then she's perfectly content with her lifestyle. Of course, if Prince wasn't such a pain to her and she didn't have the emotional scars of her past street life, I suppose she'd be a lot more lively. 

It hurts me a lot to see her like this, but I try to reaffirm myself telling myself that she's as fine as she can be. She wouldn't be better off in the streets without the constant threat of Prince, and her past is not something we can delete. I'm hopeful that things may improve with time, as marie gives us hope here above. Same as she's started playing, which I'd always thought would never happen, who knows, with time she may gain more confidence and trust and start leading a livelier life. Now in winter it's easier because I wrap her in a cave of duvets, so she remains on the bed instead of under it.


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## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

2.5 months is too soon. It took Prince, who is very bold and trusting, 4 months to start as much as spending a few moments apart from me in the house. If I were you, now with the experience I have with these 2, I wouldn't start worrying until a full year had passed. In the meantime, I'd try to observe and get little glimpses of things that might work with her and try to develop a step further from there. Cats don't change their behavior gradually. They ponder and observe for a long time, then change their behavior one day out of the blue in a big leap. We think they're doing nothing all day, but they're very busy learning the rythm of the house, the scents, the sounds, the changes of light, the background noises from the street and the neighbors, etc. until they feel confident enough to take a new step. Each of these steps is such a joy to me, my best cat-moments.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Straysmommy said:


> 2.5 months is too soon. It took Prince, who is very bold and trusting, 4 months to start as much as spending a few moments apart from me in the house. If I were you, now with the experience I have with these 2, I wouldn't start worrying until a full year had passed. In the meantime, I'd try to observe and get little glimpses of things that might work with her and try to develop a step further from there. Cats don't change their behavior gradually. They ponder and observe for a long time, then change their behavior one day out of the blue in a big leap. We think they're doing nothing all day, but they're very busy learning the rythm of the house, the scents, the sounds, the changes of light, the background noises from the street and the neighbors, etc. until they feel confident enough to take a new step. Each of these steps is such a joy to me, my best cat-moments.


I totally agree, when the girls where I used to work rescued Meme a cat that had been dumped in out office park they didn't know about how to introduce a new cat to an established house hold.
So she never got along with Riley the office cat and eventually escaped into the warehouse and into the loft above the office and refused to come out.
She had grown to really like me so I took over her care, I would put her food at the top of the stairs and when she'd come out to eat I'd sit by her and talk to her.
I eventually started feeding at the bottom of the stairs and she'd be their in the mourning waiting for me.
Finally she started following me to the other end of the warehouse to the shop where I worked and spending the day at my desk.
The final break through came out of the blue, she was sitting beside me and felt I wasn't paying enough attention to her and she playfully batted my hand, she had never exhibited any playful behavior before.
She shortly afterwards came home to live with me and we spent many happy year together, she was gentle soul and a wonderful friend.


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