# Cat who doesnt like to be held



## ThreeCatzGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

I have this 2 year old tortie shell female cat who i call Ms.Brindle...

She does not like to be held. Like i can hold her while sitting on the floor and i can hold her in my lap while im sitting in a chair. But the second i pick her up and start moving around the room..she gets nervous and wants to be put back on the floor. 

For the time being i am fostering her. I want her to get used to being held. So how do i do that? When i hold her..she has his scared look in her face and starts to panic.. i feel bad for her.. How is she going to get a home if she doesnt like to be held. 

Please help.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

My husband and I tamed our former feral cat (Pretty) and she can now be picked up, held a little and carried for short distances by me. She will *never* be comfortable being held and carried, she will probably always remain a little nervous. _It is *hard* for former ferals to completely give up their survival instincts._

I started by *lifting* Pretty TO things. Very minimal holding at all. Hand under chest and other hand under rump for a quick lift TO a low piece of furniture, like: floor to chair, or chair to table-top. As she became more comfortable with that, I started holding her a little longer before setting her down. Then I started lifting her to my chest and then immediately setting her down, slowly increasing the amount of time I held her. 

Some cats never become comfortable with being held/carried, even ones raised in loving homes.


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## katlover13 (Apr 15, 2008)

One of the best cats I ever had never wanted to be held or carried while someone was standing. He was most happy cuddled up next to his favorite people.
Some of the cats I have now don't like to be held but they are still very good cats. People who know and love cats can understand that even if a cat is not a cuddler it doesn't mean he doesn't love his people.
Sometimes it just takes time. Juno didn't really even want to be touched for about the first year she was with us. This morning she jumped up on my bed and we had a little purr and pet session. 
I hope your foster finds a home with someone who will appreciate her for the wonderful cat she is.


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## Janis (Aug 26, 2010)

My feral in-training cat doesn't like to be held or picked up. But when he is feeling friendly, and expecting catnip or treats, hanging around my legs, I reach down & raise just his front half up enough to kiss him & put him down. He doesn't run afterward now, and sometimes even immediately throws himself down flat in front of me, which is his kitty-speak for "please pet me now". Sometimes a little for me is a lot for him I try to tell myself.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

My Muffin is a ragdoll, and ragdolls are reputed to be lap-cats, to enjoy being held and to go very limp when you hold them (hence the name ragdoll). Despite that, Muffin wants nothing to do with laps and hates to be held or picked up. I adopted her at 12 weeks, so she was never a feral. I started like Heidi, lifting her up TO things. I would then carry her around for a little while, speaking softly and showing her things as we walked. I started with short walks for only a few seconds, and slowly increased the time. But, even after more than a year, she will only tolerate being held for perhaps 20 seconds, and only by me. If anyone else tries to pick her up, she literally screams and struggles for her life. So, there's likely only so much you can do. 

That said, I wouldn't assume that her not liking to be held will prevent someone from adopting her, particularly since she seems to like to cuddle and sit on your lap. Despite Muffin's peculiarities, I adore her and have never regretted adopting her (although I do hope that one day in the future she will hop on my lap!).


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

I really think it's just in the personality of the cat. I was involved in breeding/showing cats for 18 yrs. that were hand raised from birth until 11-12 wks. of age before they went to new homes, had lots of handling and socialization, and there were some that just didn't like being picked up, and yes often they were torties. Even at cat shows, it's often the torties that grumble and meow when the judge takes them out of the cage to his table to be judged. Often the judge will make a comment about what complainers and talkers they are. I remember one dilute tortie I had that I knew was going to be a top show cat. So she was well socialized to being picked up but from the time she was born, well used to being handled as a judge would, and she was a grumbler until she died at age 17 whenever picked up. She just didn't like the picking up but was OK to be walked around and would sit and cuddle in my lap. She showed beautifully at shows and posed and played with the judge'steaser toy, and did get her grand. So it's not just feral or under-socialized cats that have this personality trait. That's just the way _some_ cats are.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Cleo hates being picked up and it's almost impossible to hold her. I've been working on it for three years and there's no way she's ever going to change. 

Gigi doesn't like it at all, either, but she doesn't fight it like Cleo. But she's definitely *not* a lap cat. At all. 

The twins tense up, but they'll let me pick them up and hold them and walk around for a tiny bit.

Cinderella did *not* like being picked up - at all - when she first adopted me, but I worked with her and she came to let me pick her up, hold her, walk around with her and kiss her. It did take time, though.


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## BarkingPup (May 16, 2009)

Sugar was dropped off at the pet store at six weeks and was there until six months. According to the employees they would socialize the cats by wrapping them in towels and carrying them around the store. Understandably, she hated being restrained in any way when I got her. 

However, she was veeery affectionate and a huge lap cat. I used that to my advantage. I would pick her up off the floor for a couple seconds, distracting her with scritches. Then put her down. Eventually she would sit still in my arms as long as I was scratching but she wouldn't relax and kept her front legs fully extended on my shoulder. The greatest day was when I picked her up, started petting, and she relaxed fully into my shoulder!

However, Sugar will never be completely comfortable being held. If I don't pet her she will struggle and, unlike Skooma, she will never ask to be picked up. She is not as limp as Skooma even when she's comfy.


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## catnip (Aug 19, 2003)

I have a very young tortie who doesn't like to be handled, sometimes she will play along and maybe even lick your nose but 90% of the time, you gonna get lit up. :mrgreen:

Vet tech tried to warn me that torties can sometimes be very temperamental, pfft...she's since earned the nickname Hellcat.


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## ~Siameseifuplz~ (May 6, 2007)

Neko doesn't really like to be held. He's very friendly and cuddly but just doesn't want you to walk around with him. He'll tolerate it for a few seconds and then he gets distressed and starts meowing and pushing away. It's no big deal, I just won't hold him. I can still move him and stuff like that, he doesn't go insane or try to hurt you, but there is no need to just hold him for the sake of holding him when it's something he doesn't like.


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## Time Bandit (Aug 17, 2010)

Samantha really doesn't care to be held by anyone but me...she cries and struggles with anyone else, but she's getting better with my boyfriend. We pretty much did what others have said here...Ben would pick her up only long enough to _lift _her onto her cat tree or the couch, extending the period of time being held gradually. After about two weeks now, she'll allow Ben to hold her for about a minute max, and she _loves _it when he carries her to me...maybe she thinks he's her personal valet, haha!

Just keep making it a positive non-scary experience, and hopefully you'll see some progress. Remember that there are some cats who will never want to be held much...at that point it's more the cat's personality or the background they came from than anything you could do. Good luck, ThreeCatzGirl!


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## diavids (May 17, 2010)

interesting thread. my latest kitten doesn't like to be picked up either. she loves to cuddle on her terms. I figured she didn't like to be picked up due to the fact where i got her from she was picked up and hauled around the place by a very young child all the time. Of my current 3 kitty's, only one loves to be picked up, but he has been a lap cat from day one. very mellow personality. so i don't think one can really train a cat to enjoy being picked up when its not their thing.


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## ThreeCatzGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

Thank you everyone for replyn to my post. 

My plan is to hold ms.brindle every day. Maybe twice a day. So she will get used to it. Her daughter loves to be held. So i tell ms.brindle that being held is an okay thing.


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## paperbacknovel (Jun 9, 2010)

Just a word of caution- if you just pick her up twice a day indiscriminately to get her used to it, you may make it much worse. You have to go about it the right way or it just won't work.

Check out what some of the posts were saying about taking baby steps. Just a short lift from the floor to a chair, not even holding her, but just supporting her while you lift her a couple feet up. Give her treats and scritches. 

If you hold her just to hold her and she doesn't like it, she's going to continue not liking it.

Plenty of people will be just fine with a cat that doesn't like being held. For goodness' sake, my cats don't really like being held. My orange boy is a total momma's boy and loves lap snuggles, but he gets bored when I try to pick him up and wiggles to get down.

People may just have to appreciate Ms. Brindles for the kind of cat she is- a great lap snuggler.  Because if this isn't done gradually, you risk alienating her and making her not trust you. 

Good luck- the people on here give such GREAT help.


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

My first cat Rookie *hated* to be picked up and wouldn't jump on a lap if her life depended on it. If you even bent over like you were going to pick her up, she'd let out this yowl like someone was torturing her. So what are you going to do -- you can't force these things, and we loved her just as much even though she wasn't as cuddly a cat as I would have liked.


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## Ducman69 (Aug 28, 2010)

My female cat Buttercup is just picky about HOW she is held, so that might be something to try.

If you throw her over your shoulder, she's happy and content. Then just get next to something high and she'll mozy on off or jump down.

Try to hold her in a position she doesn't feel secure in though, and you get leg kicks.


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## mimitabby (Apr 20, 2010)

I'd always pick her up right before I fed her. (not with the food on the floor yet)
but ALWAYs have a food reward for picking her up, so she starts to identify it with something she likes. THen some day, you're going to need to pick her up and she's not going to fight you.


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## wea (Dec 26, 2009)

it's a cat thing... if they don't like to be held, they just don't like to be held. There 's no fix for that. It's in their character.

Just like there is no fix that can turn me into a person who loves dogs more than cats. It's just my character.

I think it is a hugh misunderstanding that all cats must love being picked up and carried around and if they don't like it, must be trained to like it. What's wrong with liking the cat as it is?


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## candes (Sep 10, 2010)

Good topic. I have a 10 year old spoiled princess named Nala. And she absolutely hates being picked up. This is the same cat that endlessly loves me on my lap or wherever I may be. Got a new kitten a few weeks ago, and now Nala will let me do whatever I want to her. Even if it means being carried. Anything, as long as she gets EXTRA attention. They act just like children. :lol:


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## CuteNCraze86 (Dec 29, 2007)

of my 5... only 2 like to be held/picked up. BK hates it the most......


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

wea said:


> I think it is a hugh misunderstanding that all cats must love being picked up and carried around and if they don't like it, must be trained to like it. What's wrong with liking the cat as it is?


Cleo doesn't like it, will never like it, and I'd better get used to it. 

Sometimes I pick her up because I just want to snuggle with her next to my neck. Never really turns out well......


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

wea said:


> I think it is a hugh misunderstanding that all cats must love being picked up and carried around and if they don't like it, must be trained to like it. What's wrong with liking the cat as it is?


 I do it with all of my foster-kitts/cats because the more accepting they are of the many different ways the public will handle them, the better their chances of appealing to a person/family and getting adopted. I also do this with my own cats, my reasoning is that if I *have* to pick them up and carry them, I can. 
_With our personal cats I generally allow their personal quirks and wishes to be respected, but all I ask in return is the ability to do certain things with them when I must, and that is why I continue to 'practice' hold/carry with them at periodic intervals just to refresh their conditioning for accepting that situation. They don't need to like it and I don't demand that they learn to like it ... I just need for them to allow it and be accepting of it long enough for me to do whatever it was I must do_ _when handling them in any manner they don't particularly care for._


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## catnip (Aug 19, 2003)

I dig what you're sayin, Heidi. My main concern with my young feral is getting her used to it enough that vet visits aren't so problematic, as she has required extra hands in the room to subdue her for bloodwork/shots etc. I've only had her for 2 months and we are making progress. She is quite a handful and I have the scars to prove it. :mrgreen:

She doesn't have to like being handled, she just needs to learn to tolerate it.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

catnip said:


> She doesn't have to like being handled, she just needs to learn to tolerate it.


 Yup! And that is the core of everything I do with my kittehs; there is a reason behind the handling. It is the doing of 30 mathematical problems as homework in preparation for the test at the end of the week. It's just physical and mental practice and gets the kitties thinking in-line with their people. We won't deliberately hurt them, or restrain them forever ... we just need to do *this-one-thing* for a short bit and then it's back to doing whatever you want. No harm, no foul.


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## Janis (Aug 26, 2010)

I believe that cats mostly fear the unknown. If they aren't used to being petted or picked up, they can become used to it, and find they enjoy it. My feral-in-training who stayed in his bed in his small enclosure, then came out but ran from us when we approached, now l o v e s to be petted, and scratched under the chin; and rubs our legs freely. At first I just petted him while I was giving him a treat, or fresh catnip (which I grow in a small pot sunk in the ground so it doesn't get out of control). 

Then, picking him up only a little off the ground morphed into picking him up higher, and now to my chest without his struggling or squirming. He doesn't run or bat at me now when I put him down, but usually assumes the "please pet me now" pose (lays flat in front of me facing outward). Before we got him, (another story) he only knew being grabbed by the back of his neck (which must have been painful being already 6-8 mos old),taken away from his colony, put in a container & living in it for 2-3 days. I urge you to continue the baby steps routine, and give him a chance to show you if that he enjoys human contact, and no longer fears not knowing what will happen to him.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Janis said:


> I believe that cats mostly fear the unknown. If they aren't used to being petted or picked up, they can become used to it, and find they enjoy it.


 ZOMGIthinkIloveyou! :love2
You have *no idea* how often I've been brow-beaten over the head for suggesting that exact manner of helping feral cats to learn about being handled. I've been repeatedly told that I am wrong or cruel and that I should allow ferals to make their own decisions regarding first contact with people. 
I do not believe that is the correct approach to take with a reluctant feral. 
I do not believe in allowing a feral to remain fearful of the unknown when learning about that unknown can allay their fears *and* teach them about something they may really enjoy, which would halt the aloof behavior and open the doors to communication, relaxation and handling.
My theory, based on feral cats who don't know what they are missing and therefore never *will* make that decision to approach a person ... is to help the cat become introduced in a gentle way to what handling *is* in hopes the unknown is quickly found to be enjoyable and the cat learns to relax and even seek that contact out on their own.
It is a slow process, but it *is* a process with many small steps. A process that cannot begin until you actually touch and handle the feral cat. Socialization cannot commence, proceed or progress without that vital contact. It is my preference to remove that fear-of-the-unknown as soon as possible so the cat may learn about the joys-of-contact instead of being focused only on the fear of a person being in-their-space. 
Once the fear has been gently worked past ... learning can begin!


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## Janis (Aug 26, 2010)

You say it so well. I'll bet the lucky cats you are able to socialize are great pets, too.

Our Lucky is sooo much happier than he was before we taught by encouragement & bribery (lol) for him to trust us & began to come looking for a "pet" or leg rub. He was so skittish and fearful he couldn't have been content. (still has a tendency to bolt when really surprised, but I understand that is a common characteristic of a feral, a taught behavior to avoid predators).

When we made our first vet visit for check-up & shots, even tho he was really, really scared, and not yet responding to us at home, the vet commented that "it's as tho he wants to be friendly but doesn't know how". Well, he is learning how, but I don't believe he would have become this comfortable without some encouragement.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Yeah, we have to teach them what they don't know. They won't learn it on their own, without our encouragement and guidance. Our most challenging feral-to-housecat took 4yrs to help her become comfortable being inside and allowing us to approach, loom over her, pick her up and pet her. 
We knew we had succeeded and far surpassed our expectations when she jumped into a visitor's lap to demand attention from him!


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## Ducman69 (Aug 28, 2010)

Janis said:


> I believe that cats mostly fear the unknown. If they aren't used to being petted or picked up, they can become used to it, and find they enjoy it.


Well put. I know my kitties were surely not used to my style of play, but now seem to even enjoy the WWF WHAM BAM KITTY SLAM which involves picking them up between all four legs with arm supporting body, and body slamming them onto a big ol' super fluffy feather pillow, and then tickling their tummies into submission. 

Well, I assume they like it now, since they kinda lay there after tickling and come back for more pouncing and play without protest. At first, even getting close to tummies was verbotten.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Ducman69 said:


> ... the WWF WHAM BAM KITTY SLAM which involves picking them up between all four legs with arm supporting body, and body slamming them onto a big ol' super fluffy feather pillow, and then tickling their tummies into submission.


Bwahahahahah! I loved that description! 
Our games consist of hide/seek/chase, tossing kitties to beds, couches or on top of bookcases and if the kitty is laying on a couch or matress, we'll use our hands spread over a large area of their body and sort of 'bounce' them into the springy surface and sing-song "Go home, beat the cat!" 
Doing that _(physical and singing)_ gets our oldest cat BooBoo into a wild-eyed state of play and he'll begin racing around the home, sliding around corners and into closed doors to make them rattle. He'll crouch down (_in plain sight_) and act like you can't see him and when you approach and "bongo-drum" his rump he mer-row-row-row-row-ROWS, takes off and comes running back to slide to a stop next to you so you can 'bongo' him again.
I *love it* when our cats play with us.


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