# Been 6 Months, am i selfish to rehome her?



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

im back with more cat stories about jade and azores. azores being the queen and jade the newbie. i really really love jade and i want to get a third cat to sort things out but hubbie says no to third cat unless some certified cat person says its ok.

so its been 6 months. their interaction had escalated to more violence. then dwindle and its back at medium level. azores makes an effort to walk past jade and ***** slap her. sorry thats the best way to explain it. its like shes thinking "im walkin im walking im walking, oh wait a tic, i just walked past jade, i need to give her a good thrashing." *wack wack wack* "ah now where was i? oh yes, im walking im walking....."

there in this stage now that jade is now defending herself. azores will *wack wack wack* and jade is like *thrash thrash run!* ill see jade chasing azores smacking her and they are really close, jade wacking azores about mid waist. when azores stops youll sometimes hear a moan and they stop, or keep fighting, and sometimes they stare and they break up. now they do this with jade chasing azores and azores chasing jade though usually jade is the one that howls to get azores to stop.

is that play fighting? i dont recall it being that way.
i also think that when they have that session jade goes pee somewhere besides the litterbox because before that started she peed like normal.

in between the beginning and current fighting trend they would walk past each other with the moaning, and azores would huff and puff. i think that period lasted about 2 weeks. thats when i thought "oh glory it is done!" but no it started back up.

so here are my questions:

-are things getting better? do you need me to give you more examples? with jade fighting back is it getting worse?
-would bringing in a male baby black kitten (love black cats love em male love kittens lol) make azores stop being some pimp with the b!tch slapping?
-should i rehome jade (take her back to the shelter) and bring home a pretty black male kitten?
-if so should i literally leave with jade and come back home with another cat that day or would that give azores a nervous breakdown and she starts pooping in the bed?
-the feliway, rubbing towels, flower essence stuff, time out in the spare room so they can reacquaint all seem to fail. did i fail?

(somedays i want to take azores back lol, but never in a million years...or kazillion.)
also jade isnt what was describe at the shelter. it should have said "shy timid cat freaks when you touch her, does not like belly rubs, tolerates being held for awhile but turns schizo and scratches you as she flees, if shes scared she pees elsewhere, is truly a scaredy cat and likes to laydown places where people walk and when you step on her she looks at you like "how could you"" instead of "loveable cat loves to be held and petted, gets along with others."

tia!!


----------



## Frostpaw (May 30, 2009)

in this situation i would beg you not to put another cat into it. Chances are it will make things even worse.

This behaviour is very similar to the way suki and ****** would behave, I found 3 things helped:

1) A plug in called Feliway. Available from your vet it is a compund of soothing cat pheremones, to help relax the tenseness.

2) Sprinkle a little cat nip in there dinners, this also helps to calm them down.

3) you need to set up 2 spaces. One for Jade to retreat to for some quite time, and the same for Azores. These two areas need to be private, maybe a room each? were there own smell is dominant, they can pee and eat in quiet. They can go there when they need some peace. And niether cat is allowed in each others 'time out space'.

Please dont get another cat untill you sort the problems you have out now.


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

ive tried the feliway and spirit essences and it doesnt work. ive tried out the time out rooms and it doesnt work either. they either claw their way out or claw their way in, meaning both of them is on either side of the door and then thats when the hissing starts. they retreat on their own to different places and are usually fine but they both like to be around my husband and i and thats when we see them acting up, sometimes its simply then walking past each other that sets off a *smack smack* session.

i think we are going to rehome her unless someone of some professional stature (because hubbie doesnt like unlicensed opinions lol) says to try a third cat.


----------



## Frostpaw (May 30, 2009)

then speak to your vet... or an animal behaviourist.


----------



## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

I am not licensed, but I think this situation is NOT going well. The two cats are NOT playing, they are serious about establishing dominance between the two of them. I think it is doubtful they will ever get along. You may have to resign yourself to allowing Azores to remain an only-cat. You could wiat a bit and possibly try again with a different cat/kitten-intro, but from this end of the keyboard, it doesn't look promising. 
Sorry.  
heidi


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

Heidi n Q said:


> I am not licensed, but I think this situation is NOT going well. The two cats are NOT playing, they are serious about establishing dominance between the two of them. I think it is doubtful they will ever get along. You may have to resign yourself to allowing Azores to remain an only-cat. You could wiat a bit and possibly try again with a different cat/kitten-intro, but from this end of the keyboard, it doesn't look promising.
> Sorry.
> heidi


how long do you think i should wait??


----------



## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

Of course, if you don't like Jade's personality, you probably never will. But what do you think will happen to her? Do you have a home in mind? I don't mean to be unkind, but it's very hard on animals, especially shy ones, to be rehomed.  She might live in a cage the rest of her life or get put to sleep.  That's why we have to be reasonably sure it's a lifetime commitment when we adopt a pet. You might have the same problem with another kitten. Perhaps it's best to keep Azore an only cat.

I have had cats that didn't cuddle with each other, but I loved them, so that was all right. They made peace, eventually. I even had a cat who disliked me intensely, but she had personality, and it broke my heart when she died. 

It's something to think about very seriously before you make a decision. I wish you well.


----------



## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

If the cats aren't happy and you aren't happy and hubbie *really* isn't happy, I don't see the solution being a 20-year sentence of being miserable for all of you. It seems like you've tried everything. I've rehomed a kitty and it was the best thing for everyone. She is the only cat in her new home and is queen of her castle. Can you rehome her without returning her to the shelter (Craigslist, etc.)?


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

i dont think i can. i signed some paperwork that says that if i want to rehome her i have to take her back to the shelter so that she doesnt end up at a high kill shelter. they dont euthanize any pets at that shelter and seem to have a good turn around (cats adopted pretty quickly).


----------



## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Oh, then I'd take her back. I loved Keesha, but Cinderella was losing fur and losing weight and it was just so tense all the time for everyone. 

It sounds like it would be the best thing for everyone, including Jade. Sometimes the best thing is also the hardest. I sobbed like a baby handing Keesha over, but she really* is *in a wonderful new home.


----------



## jusjim (Jun 30, 2009)

The only thing I can say is that you seem to be heading for a one cat situation as others have said. If you can put up with it for another three months, I would say try. Do they have seperate litterboxes. I read somewhere on this site that it's a good idea at times with two cats. Please try to stop stepping on the cat, it's a cat and really doesn't understand that it's in your way. Zenobi is often in my way; I squeeze by the best I can.

I would definitely not think a kitten is a good idea. What if Azores does not get along with the kitten, then if you keep it three months you've got a freaked out kitten that might not be as adoptable as when younger.

It sounds like a jealousy situation. Zenobi is very jealous. There is a cat that I befriended before I got Zenobi. It has a home, but I think it gets lonely. I would give it a few bits of the dry food that I used to feed the feral, plus a little petting and it liked to hang around as I gardened. Zenobi gets very upset if it comes around and I touch it. I'm the object of her anger. Hissing and threatening and ignoring. I doubt I could get away with another cat, and I've thought of a little dog if my health continues to improve, but I doubt that would succeed either, so I'm not going to try it. Zenobi doesn't like to be held although she will sit on my knee at times.


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

jusjim said:


> The only thing I can say is that you seem to be heading for a one cat situation as others have said. If you can put up with it for another three months, I would say try. Do they have seperate litterboxes. I read somewhere on this site that it's a good idea at times with two cats. Please try to stop stepping on the cat, it's a cat and really doesn't understand that it's in your way. Zenobi is often in my way; I squeeze by the best I can.
> 
> I would definitely not think a kitten is a good idea. What if Azores does not get along with the kitten, then if you keep it three months you've got a freaked out kitten that might not be as adoptable as when younger.
> 
> It sounds like a jealousy situation. Zenobi is very jealous. There is a cat that I befriended before I got Zenobi. It has a home, but I think it gets lonely. I would give it a few bits of the dry food that I used to feed the feral, plus a little petting and it liked to hang around as I gardened. Zenobi gets very upset if it comes around and I touch it. I'm the object of her anger. Hissing and threatening and ignoring. I doubt I could get away with another cat, and I've thought of a little dog if my health continues to improve, but I doubt that would succeed either, so I'm not going to try it. Zenobi doesn't like to be held although she will sit on my knee at times.



oh trust me ive almost fell down the stair trying not to step on jade. but she did one time lay in a dark area with no light near dark things and her tail was out enough that i almost stepped on it lol. hubbie and i have made a habit of turning any lights on if it has it and jade now meows when she sees us coming. "hey i down here, dont step on me!! ya know what, nvm ill move." lol


----------



## Frostpaw (May 30, 2009)

Suki is thoughraly a one human girl. She HATES other cats..... One solution i am working on is a 'distance greeting' project. Basicly im in the process of setting up a nice large cat pen and sleeping shed in my yard so suki can stare at another cat for a while. Its going to take months of hard work with her but i feel she will benefit and be more hospitable to the rescues that come through my door..... and on the flip side, she gets to be outdoor for an hour or so a day in complete saftey!!

If you have the money and space maybe you could try this?


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

Frostpaw said:


> Suki is thoughraly a one human girl. She HATES other cats..... One solution i am working on is a 'distance greeting' project. Basicly im in the process of setting up a nice large cat pen and sleeping shed in my yard so suki can stare at another cat for a while. Its going to take months of hard work with her but i feel she will benefit and be more hospitable to the rescues that come through my door..... and on the flip side, she gets to be outdoor for an hour or so a day in complete saftey!!
> 
> If you have the money and space maybe you could try this?


unfortunately i dont have the money for that type of project but hopefully when finances turn around and we can finally buy a house instead of rent i plan on doing a diy cat pen outside play area complete with tunnels and levels lmao. im sure the hubbie will put strict rules on how his house will look. if i had my way it would look like a cat house with built in hooman features for the hoomans lol


----------



## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Jadedea Jade said:


> [quote="Heidi n Q":2g4xs5g1]You may have to resign yourself to allowing Azores to remain an only-cat. You could wait a bit and possibly try again with a different cat/kitten-intro, but from this end of the keyboard, it doesn't look promising.
> Sorry.
> heidi


how long do you think i should wait??[/quote:2g4xs5g1]
Warning: Brutal Honesty, ahead. I offer my apology in advance: I am sorry for what I am about to say.
heidi

My *honest* opinion? You didn't focus on what I felt were the two most important sentences and instead latched onto the one off-handed comment that seemed to align with your wants. 
_How long do I think you should wait_? Forever. Or until Azores passes away.
Please take a moment and look at this entire situation objectively:
Your current attempt to integrate a second cat into your home has met with no success and you have mentioned bringing a third cat into this situation in hopes of the 3rd cat making it better...Sorry, I think that will *not* happen; a 3rd cat brought into this tense and negative situation is only going to make it worse for Azores and you will be required to mollify Azores, and your husband, and Jade, AND quite possibly, the third cat as well if it can't get along with Jade (_because I'm fairly certain Azores won't have anything to do with it, especially if Jade is still there. Azores will have two cats to hate, instead of only one._). :? It just doesn't seem worth the trouble of further upsetting Azores and your household simply to have another cat. 
_If you are determined to have a second cat, I would wait a minimum of 3 months before trying again. In fact, you may even need to wait 6-12mo before attempting this...and then I'd make certain the intro-process moved *slowly* forward for the best and most positive outcome possible. IME, kitten-to-cat introductions usually have the best chance for success...but as JusJim commented, I would keep a very close eye on the kitten/young-cat to be certain its' behavior doesn't regress or backslide because of Azores' negative and aggressive behavior because that can/will affect the kitten/cat's adoptability chances if it is returned to the shelter a more fearful cat than when it was first adopted out._
Once again, I offer my apology: I am sorry for what I've said. 
Azores is not accepting Jade, Jade has become more shy/fearful, the two cats have escalated their aggressive interaction and the newcomer has begun eliminating in inappropriate areas. This cat intro between Azores and Jade has failed because Azores will *not* accept Jade. I do not think it has failed due to anything you did or didn't do. The possibility is very high that Azores will *never* accept another cat in her home because of her territorial nature and her negative experience with this particular cat-into, which may cause her to reject any/every other new cat you attempt to introduce.
Because of what you have described to me, I would stop trying to get Azores to accept another cat and just leave her to be an only cat.


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

Heidi n Q said:


> [quote="Jadedea Jade":3lcdpypo][quote="Heidi n Q":3lcdpypo]You may have to resign yourself to allowing Azores to remain an only-cat. You could wait a bit and possibly try again with a different cat/kitten-intro, but from this end of the keyboard, it doesn't look promising.
> Sorry.
> heidi


how long do you think i should wait??[/quote:3lcdpypo]
Warning: Brutal Honesty, ahead. I offer my apology in advance: I am sorry for what I am about to say.
heidi

My *honest* opinion? You didn't focus on what I felt were the two most important sentences and instead latched onto the one off-handed comment that seemed to align with your wants. 
_How long do I think you should wait_? Forever. Or until Azores passes away.
Please take a moment and look at this entire situation objectively:
Your current attempt to integrate a second cat into your home has met with no success and you have mentioned bringing a third cat into this situation in hopes of the 3rd cat making it better...Sorry, I think that will *not* happen; a 3rd cat brought into this tense and negative situation is only going to make it worse for Azores and you will be required to mollify Azores, and your husband, and Jade, AND quite possibly, the third cat as well if it can't get along with Jade (_because I'm fairly certain Azores won't have anything to do with it, especially if Jade is still there. Azores will have two cats to hate, instead of only one._). :? It just doesn't seem worth the trouble of further upsetting Azores and your household simply to have another cat. 
_If you are determined to have a second cat, I would wait a minimum of 3 months before trying again. In fact, you may even need to wait 6-12mo before attempting this...and then I'd make certain the intro-process moved *slowly* forward for the best and most positive outcome possible. IME, kitten-to-cat introductions usually have the best chance for success...but as JusJim commented, I would keep a very close eye on the kitten/young-cat to be certain its' behavior doesn't regress or backslide because of Azores' negative and aggressive behavior because that can/will affect the kitten/cat's adoptability chances if it is returned to the shelter a more fearful cat than when it was first adopted out._
Once again, I offer my apology: I am sorry for what I've said. 
Azores is not accepting Jade, Jade has become more shy/fearful, the two cats have escalated their aggressive interaction and the newcomer has begun eliminating in inappropriate areas. This cat intro between Azores and Jade has failed because Azores will *not* accept Jade. I do not think it has failed due to anything you did or didn't do. The possibility is very high that Azores will *never* accept another cat in her home because of her territorial nature and her negative experience with this particular cat-into, which may cause her to reject any/every other new cat you attempt to introduce.
Because of what you have described to me, I would stop trying to get Azores to accept another cat and just leave her to be an only cat.[/quote:3lcdpypo]


well the hubbie and i talked about it (bringing in a 3rd cat vs taking jade back) and i emailed the shelter we got her from. We just have to go through some in-processing with paperwork and she will be turned over. we both agreed with the comments you said as well as others about bringing in a 3rd cat being a bad idea. we have decided to just take jade back, wait a few and try again with a kitten. we will also ask the shelter what they have seen on average on the waiting time in between introductions with new cats in failed intros. we want to try a male kitten to see if that works. We are going to ask how long we should wait before turning the cat in to avoid any prolonged regress bad behaviors that azores may instill in the new kitten. we do realize that azores may want to be a one cat household. although that would break my heart that she couldnt accept another kitty we are standing by for the worse case scenario. the reason we are going to try again with a kitten is because ive gotten alot of advice from on here and with the folks that work at shelters and friends that say female to female cat intro rarely go well (maybe a reason why theres so many females at shelters vs males?????) and theyve seen positive results with cat introductions of the opposite sex and/or age difference. jades personality made me think that it would be an easy intro but azores personality, which was totally unexpected made me see it wasnt. i think it was a constant battle over territory and maybe jealousy. either way to keep them both healthy and hopefully return them back to their happy state jade will go back. she was shaved a few months ago and has this soft beautiful coat going and im sure someone will swoop her up quickly.

im not upset about what you said, i know you care about the welfare and health of all kittys and just wanted to make sure i wasnt blindly stepping into bad a situation. i especially listen to those who have experience with kittys especially when they have more than one. thanks for your honest opinion heidi and everyone else!


----------



## love.my.cats (Jan 29, 2009)

If you guys really want to try a kitten introduction, please please please make sure that you do it as slowly as possible. As someone mentioned earlier, you really don't want to have a traumatised kitten, as when you return that one, it will probably be harder to re-home as it will be a few months old (at least) and may become very skittish if it's been beat up by another cat.
You have pointed out that sometimes a male kitten to adult female intro would work better but another REALLY important thing you have to remember is that some cats will never accept ANY other cats.. You may have one of those and if that is the case, unfortunately you'll have to put yours and your hubby's wants aside and do what's best for the cats. It can't be fun for your cat being stressed and angry all the time because someone has intruded on her territory.


----------



## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Well, I think it sounds like you have a good plan for trying to get Azores to accept a male kitten. Everyone at the shelter should be able to give you good and accurate advice about the timeline and what to watch/look for. I understand that you just want more kitties to share your kitty-love with, and I hope Azores accepts the next kitty you try to bring into your family.
Good luck!
h


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

Heidi n Q said:


> Well, I think it sounds like you have a good plan for trying to get Azores to accept a male kitten. Everyone at the shelter should be able to give you good and accurate advice about the timeline and what to watch/look for. I understand that you just want more kitties to share your kitty-love with, and I hope Azores accepts the next kitty you try to bring into your family.
> Good luck!
> h


Thanks! >>>hugs<<<


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

love.my.cats said:


> If you guys really want to try a kitten introduction, please please please make sure that you do it as slowly as possible. As someone mentioned earlier, you really don't want to have a traumatised kitten, as when you return that one, it will probably be harder to re-home as it will be a few months old (at least) and may become very skittish if it's been beat up by another cat.
> You have pointed out that sometimes a male kitten to adult female intro would work better but another REALLY important thing you have to remember is that some cats will never accept ANY other cats.. You may have one of those and if that is the case, unfortunately you'll have to put yours and your hubby's wants aside and do what's best for the cats. It can't be fun for your cat being stressed and angry all the time because someone has intruded on her territory.


we are definitely going crazy slow next time. hopefully the next kitty wont be so eager to leave the room like jade was.

thanks!


----------



## Frostpaw (May 30, 2009)

i dont get whats wrong with just having one cat?.... Suki is an only cat, as are many on the boards. Most of us work and leave our kitties by day and they are never the worse for it....


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

Frostpaw said:


> i dont get whats wrong with just having one cat?.... Suki is an only cat, as are many on the boards. Most of us work and leave our kitties by day and they are never the worse for it....


nothing wrong with it at all. a couple of reasons i want a multi cat household. i love cats so the more the better. azores had a brother that passed away from fip and she was the happiest when he was around, now (even more so with jade) shes changed a little. at the shelter they had an open room with no cages so she played with 6-7 cats at a time and was just always happy. by herself she sulks around alot and chases invisible things vs her brother or other kitties, and her personality just seems on the down slope. i think she would be more happy with friends. i had a cat when i was young and she was left alone alot, she always seemed depressed and not wanting to play alot. azores was starting to be that way before we brung jade in.

i used to volunteer at the shelter were i got azores at and even with her and her brother and spending 4-5 hours a weekday wasnt enough. if i ever get rich ill probably be like that guy that has the cat kaboodle ranch.

plus im a "what if" person so i want to try bringing a male kitten and see what happens, if she accepts him, awesome, ill keep adopting as long as the hubbie says yes. if she doesnt than ill will have to deal with it somehow. if i dont try one more time it will nag me to death and ill feel like i didnt try hard enough to make azores happy.


----------



## Huge2 (Jan 28, 2008)

It sounds like you've made the right choice for the moment, maybe one day your little guy will accept a buddy, one day 

Frosty, I'd love more cats, but 2 major things determine it. Peggy and my folks. Peggy is a very very feisty creature, and I know that it would be a slim chance of her accepting another cat around, however well I introduced them.

My dad wasn't especially keen to have ONE cat, so he won't be too pleased about having another.

One cat makes life easier for us, and her, but I'd love more.

Maybe not as many as Heidi though!


----------



## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Oh, come ON! The more the merrier! ...and with such a large, multi-cat household you know nothing will be neglected...EV-er-Y-THing will have at least one cat hair on it. There is no favoritism. Cat hair for all!


----------



## Frostpaw (May 30, 2009)

well yeah the more the merrier, i agree but when youve clearly got a cat who does not like other feline company.... it just seems i dunno a bit 'well i want one so ill have one'.... sorry if i seem a bit 'anti adoption' on this its just the way you discribe her it really does sound like shed be happier with mummy all to herself.


----------



## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Yes, in all seriousness, I agree. There are some cats who just will not tolerate another cat in their lives. Sometimes, all it takes is having The Right Cat to introduce to the reluctant cat, but I also don't like the idea of stressing everyone and every pet in the household trying to find that magical combination.


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

well i just came back. jade is now back in the shelter hopefully adopted really soon.   

i think azores is noticing that shes gone.


----------



## Huge2 (Jan 28, 2008)

You've done the right thing. Don't be too sad


----------



## RachandNito (Nov 21, 2008)

It's always so sad to give them up. I really up Jade finds a good home. atback 

I do think cats are capable of hating certain cats, and accepting others. My mom's cat Lil'Fella will tolerate Chica, and he'd probably maul Kovie if given the chance- he was introduced to both of them at the same time, in the same way. Maybe it's Chica's cute, flirtatious nature that makes her likable to him, and the fact that Kovie is a boy... who knows? Fella also HATES Nito- to the point he won't even come inside if Nito is around. Yet he gets on just fine with my mom's other cats- Rusty... Elfie...

He even hangs out with the local strays, and a few other indoor-outdoor cats that come around from time to time. He's perfectly friendly with them! Weird cat.


----------



## Jadedea Jade (Feb 3, 2009)

RachandNito said:


> It's always so sad to give them up. I really up Jade finds a good home. atback
> 
> I do think cats are capable of hating certain cats, and accepting others. My mom's cat Lil'Fella will tolerate Chica, and he'd probably maul Kovie if given the chance- he was introduced to both of them at the same time, in the same way. Maybe it's Chica's cute, flirtatious nature that makes her likable to him, and the fact that Kovie is a boy... who knows? Fella also HATES Nito- to the point he won't even come inside if Nito is around. Yet he gets on just fine with my mom's other cats- Rusty... Elfie...
> 
> He even hangs out with the local strays, and a few other indoor-outdoor cats that come around from time to time. He's perfectly friendly with them! Weird cat.


thanks, i hope so to. imma start sending nagging emails (ok well gentle hellos) on how shes doing and if shes been adopted yet.

i miss her so bad. i just want to pick her up and hold her. she used to follow me around everywhere. hubbie called her shadow. so this morning i kept looking behind me and around my feet expecting to see her there.  well the good news and bad news for azores is now she gets extra hugs!!! (she runs when i try to hug her lol) like elmira.


----------



## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

I so hope she gets a forever home soon. Bless her heart.


----------

