# I Love You Smokey



## burt

This is for Smokey my almost 16 year old boy, he had many names throughout the years. Smokey...TigerKitty...Prince Of Persia....and Bozo..Smokey Bokey... I had him from kitten at the young age of 22, he was my lifeline, the key to my anxiety relief, my love. I had a cat in my high school days but this was a different ballgame, a whole new meaning.

I carried him on my shoulder a lot, every evening in his elder years I would plop him on my shoulder and take him around the yard, visit the greenhouse, smell some plants and enjoy the night. If I bounced him gently up and down on my shoulder like a baby he would love it and start to purr. I constantly hugged him and worried for him


My life revolved around him, I plummeted him with kisses everyday, shared my dinner with him. If anyone came to the house it was a habit to make sure he was not under the car when they left. I would bite his ears with my lips and pull them, kiss the bridge of his nose, I was in love with him..
If he went down the driveway to go across the road I would stop him. He came to realize this because if he was by the road and he saw me he knew I would come running to come get him...Sometimes he would get angry I would do this.. After I moved him up the driveway and I went into the house, he would go back but stop and look back to see if I would stop him. He wouldnt do it again

A very personal memorable memory is me sitting on my kitchen floor, equal distance from the kitchen door and the parlor door. He went to the kitchen door, then i could hear him walking towards me, you could hear his paws when he walked.. He went to the parlor door but as he walked pass me I would grab his back in a playful way and he would have his back twitch and meow. He went back and forth from parlor to kitchen door 15 times with each pass I would hear him coming bunk bunk bunk bunk I touch his back meow, sometimes not.

I bought him anything I could think of that would make him happy, sometimes he liked it sometimes he didnt

9 reviews down is my boy, from 808state, he went into it the first day and never went back into it again





Ive never been cut this deep before, it hurts, he passed feb 1 2015 superbowl sunday at 4:50 am. I was with him off and on all night, I feel so alone like a hollow shell, all my responsibilities are now gone. 

When the rain pours and the wind howls it does not bother me anymore because my boy is no longer out there. When a car speeds down the road it no longer has meaning to me because my boy is no longer here..

My head hurts from crying, I put him to rest close to his favorite outdoor hangout spot, I put my aloha shirt on top of him, in fact hes right below where that table used to be, he was around 6 years of age in that pic...

I can almost smell him, hear him, I miss you Smokey, I miss you so much
































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## howsefrau32

I am so sorry. I can tell how much you loved him because your words have me in tears. And he was one of the most beautiful cats I've ever seen, truly gorgeous. Those eyes, wow, just so beautiful. I can't even imagine how you must feel, because I have not had to go through the loss of one of my cats yet, and I don't even know how I will handle it. 

Smokey was loved, there was no doubt about it from the looks of him, and how he was with you. He knew he was loved, and how special he was to you. Please know that as hard and awful as this has to be, you will get through this. You have to. You have all of those wonderful memories of Smokey that are yours and no one can take away from you. 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to share some stories and memories about Smokey, I would love to hear them. He was a beautiful boy.


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## zuma

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post has me in tears too. I'm not very often in this section of the cat forum. Smokey was a beautiful cat and this is a beautiful tribute. I'm very sorry


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## 10cats2dogs

Burt, I am so sorry :'(
It does feel like a part of us has been ripped away, when we lose one of our beloved cats...
He is now at the Bridge, where he will never have anything to fear...
Smokey will have his own Special Sunbeam, to call his own...
And he will meet a lot of new furry friends there...
Smokey will wait patiently, till you are reunited one day... 
He will be watching over you...
(((HUGS))) across the miles, for you.
Sharon


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## 10cats2dogs

Smokey knew how much you loved him...


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## spider-man

beautifully written. i am so sorry for your loss.


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## jking

Burt, I am so sorry for your loss. Smokey was a wonderful, beautiful boy and you gave him a wonderful life. He will always be with you.


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## Fraido

Aweh, so very sorry for your loss. It's truly heart-wrenching. Try not to hurt too much, he was loved, and I'm sure he lived a wonderful life with you.

P.S. He was incredibly gorgeous!


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## marie5890

Oh Burt, I am so so very sorry. What a beautiful boy he is.
It's always so hard when our soul hemmorages like it will never recover, even when our heads know that 1)they had a blessed life and 2) they arent suffering.

I pray that as time goes forward, that thru the tears that stream down your face, the smile of warm memories may find their way to your lips.

It's absolutely fine to cry, and smile, and whatever.
What a blessing that the two of you were to each other. In time, you will sense when Smokey is near, even if your eyes cant detect him.


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## spirite

I'm so sorry burt.  What a beautiful kitty he was, with those stunning green eyes. We know how much it hurts, and we know that they're not "just a cat." They're our little furry children, and when we lose them, we feel empty, and the house feels so empty too. I lost my Margaux in December, after 13 years together. I can't tell you that you'll ache any less any time soon. You will never stop missing him, but over time, the sharpest pain will soften, and you'll be able to smile when you remember him rather than cry. Sending hugs to you, and wishing you strength.


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## burt

Im really missing my smokey today so I thought I would write...One of my last burned in memory was mom coming home and him already being sick....

He was outside by the front wall and when he heard the car coming I watched from the window. He was trotting as fast as he could trot on the wall to walk mom down the driveway. He walked her down the driveway everyday after work at 9pm. She drove too fast this time and by the time he was at the driveway she already was there. That was the last time he greeted her...

Also one of the last times I put him down from my arms into a lying down position when I slid my hands away he curled his paw and put his claws gently into my hand holding me there. I regret pulling away and doing my chores, I wish I let him hold my hand.

He also would come from where ever he was sleeping, sometimes I could not find him but if you sang his name Smooookey Smoookey he would always and every single time come when called.

One of three of the very last pictures I took of him 14 hours before he left me, of the hundreds of ipad pictures I have taken there is a grey mist blur in them. Was god already watching over him I do not know, strange that in over 1000 pictures of my ipad this was the only one to ever had picture distortion. The other two pictures taken seconds after from the same position was clear as day..

I cry and I cry and I pray to God but no matter how much I cry for one last Hug one last kiss Smokey is still gone and will never be back.. This realization destroys me, I just cannot except that ill never see him again in this life.

RIP Smokey I can never Forget You


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## marie5890

:sad2:sad2:sad2

Your description of how he wanted to hold your hand a bit longer, broke my heart....


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## 10cats2dogs

Sharing tears with you Burt:'(
((((HUGS))))
Sharon


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## jking

:-cry:

I am in tears too. I know how much you are hurting. Thank you for sharing more beautiful photos and memories of Smokey.


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## howsefrau32

Tears from me too. I think it would give you some comfort to believe that the mist was something special and that God was already watching over him. I've had too many strange, unexplainable things happen right before I lost someone very important to me, but it's strange that I've always had some sort of sign too, so I believe that it was a sign. Also, a few times, when I have gone to sleep at night, but not quite asleep yet, I swear I feel something climbing across the bed that feels exactly like a cat and I've seen the covers move down, as if something is walking on them. This has happened about 4-5 times to me, and it is so real that I feel like I could reach out and touch it. I swear, I am not ku-koo, but this has really happened, and I'm not sure what it is, but something is there. It is never a scary feeling when it happens, like you think you would be spooked by something like that, but it is always a peaceful thing when it has happened. So yeah, I believe that you have signs sometimes, that you can't explain, and that was probably a sign, and I would take comfort in that he was possibly being watched over and helped across the bridge. 

Thank you for telling more about Smokey. It is so touching when people have the kind of love for their pet that you have for Smokey, it gives me hope that there are still good, caring people in this world full of many who don't seem to care about anything but themselves. When my dog died 7 years ago, I didn't get out of bed for 5 days, and I thought I'd never be able to move on. But I fostered a dog, right away, and it helped me heal my heart. My dog used to sleep right by my bed, and I used to step over him if I got up in the middle of the night, and I continued to step over that spot where he slept for over a year.((((Hugs))))) Hang in there. It's so hard, but you will get through this.


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## NOLAKitties

Great tribute for a wonderful kitty. Rest In Peace Smokey.


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## Jenny bf

You write such beautiful tributes to Smokey I am sorry for your loss of your boy, he sounds like an amazing friend


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## burt

Thanks for the kind replys, tomorrow is my birthday, a very sad bday, first one in a very long time without my best friend

This is the last picture I will post of Smokey and it brings me a lot of pain to say so...For a many of days the last 3 minutes of my boys life was on repeat in my head on many occassions, I can now say I dream of more pleasant memories rather then his last moments.

You can see I was quite bonkers for him to order him a gravestone, I dont care what others think, noone will know how close he was to my heart. A part of me died along with Smokey, of that much I am certain.

I seem to wake up early by instinct to feed him every morning only to wake up to a broken heart

Thank You Everybody for Reading and Replying..It really does help, I dont know why but it does..

In the mean time I am working on my catio and progress is coming along nice


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## TranquilityBlue

Aw Burt, what a wonderful, loving way to commemorate Smokey! I know wherever he is he's looking down on you and smiling, happy that you're finally starting to feel better!  I can't imagine what you must be going through, but I'm happy things are looking up atback it must be so hard not to dwell on those last painful moments. As they fade, remember all of the happy times you and Smokey had over the years!  he's lucky to have had such a caring, special best friend in his life. 

Keep us posted on the catio! I can't WAIT to see what you construct  I'm sure Jasper will be jealous!


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## 10cats2dogs

Burt,
That is a Beautiful Marker for Smokey...
His Spirit is keeping an eye on you, and I have no doubt, that he'll gently guide you to the right kitten...
Smokey would not want his human to be grieving very long, and he knows that the love you gave him, needs to be passed on to another one...that needs a forever home, and a generous, and noble heart, to share love with, once again...
Peaceful Blessings for you Burt,
Sharon


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## TabbCatt

Aww, Burt!
How my heart aches and my eyes well up in tears each time I spend reading beautiful but heartbreaking posts here. 
I see nothing wrong with having a gorgeous marker like the one you have made for Smokey, he was an amazing companion and deserves to be recognized as such. I'd like to believe we'll all be reunited with our furry companions one day, but in the meantime, another lonely feline will be seeking out for our love. May you find sweet and blissful dreams of Smokey being in perfect form and happy once again. Sending tearful but warm aloha hugs to you.


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## spirite

It's a beautiful gravestone, for your beautiful boy. 

It's great that you've got the catio to keep your thoughts occupied and to give you a goal to accomplish. Without that, the sadness can be so overwhelming. Wishing you strength.


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## Blumpy710

I am so sorry, he was a beauty.


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## Saly

Burt, smokey was beautiful!!! I know your pain all too well. The way you describe it is exactly how I feel. I see my Oliver everywhere, If I could only reach out and touch him. It is a terrible feeling to not have him here with me, I can only pray that when my time comes, he will be waiting for me, and I know Smokey is waiting for you also.


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## burt

Yes I know, this morning was cry morning for me, sometimes it hits me hard mostly in the mornings. I still get up to feed him at 5 am... Working on my project really helps to distract my mind, days passing eases the pain.

It hurts really badly to consider that time is healing me, it feels like im betraying my boy by not mourning for him.

I had a very Sureal dream this morning of knowing smokey is gone but he was scratching on the kitchen door. I remember my mom standing next to me and me telling her "but smokey is Gone" OMG when I opened the door he was sitting there looking at me.. I immediatly woke up to a broken heart, at what time? 5 am

I never mentioned Smokey used to snore, he would never ever sleep with me in my bed. But I would hear his paw steps coming through the grass at my bed time outside the house as I lay in bed. He would sleep outside my bedroom under the tree in the grass. 

I would listen to him snoring outside my window and it would really put me at total ease knowing he was safe there and not by the road. His snores would do magic for me, me in my bed and Smokey right outside on the other side of the house wall snoring away.

I rarely..in fact I dont sit in my recliner..Why? Because smokey used to sleep between my legs on the foot rest portion EVERY night

Good God I Miss Smokey..I Just Cannot Believe Hes Gone


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## 10cats2dogs

(((HUGS))) for you Burt...
I know it's a very rough time...
Sharon


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## Saly

Burt, you are expressing exactly how I felt (and feel). I also did not want to let go of any grief, I wanted to wrap it around me like a blanket. I still am afraid that my Oliver will be come a distant memmory - that scares me so much, I don't want him to become a distant memmory. It was almost like I was paralized the first few weeks with the relization that he was gone. It has gotten better, the tears are less frequent, but the loss is still the same. Especially the physical loss, in time I will just learn to live with it. I don't think the missing will ever go away, that will just become part of my life and me. I have alot of pictures of Oliver, sometimes I take them all out, some make me smile and some make me cry, but one thing for sure my love for him and the times we shared will always be with me. - My Oliver also snored, I swear at night my husband and Oliver would have a snoring contest, to see who could snore the loudest!! I think Smokey gave you so much also, you loved him and he loved you back, I have said this before, that is a profound gift that he gave you, I believe that even right now he is very close to you, and he would want you to remember him with a smile, even through the tears. This is a very, very difficult time, take it one day at a time, - will be praying for you!


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## marie5890

It's very normal to start feeling a sense of guilt as the grief and mourning begin to lift. That is ok.
When you have these moments, try to replace those moments of guilt with a memory that makes you smile with happiness and joy. Our furry ones dont want us to remember them with tears and sadness all the time. They have happy memories of us and we have happy memories of them.. And that is a good thing.

Burt I love how you describe Smokey snoring and sleeping outside under the trees, on the other side of the wall. I can see it in my mind's eye. Hear it in my mind's head.

I hope you will continue to share with us more memories of your beloved Smokey. 
(HUGS)


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## marie5890

Saly, the wallpaper on my computer is of my Blues and my Rhythm. Mostly I smile at them when I see them there. But often times, even 2 and 1/2 years later, bittersweet tears stream down. Like you, missing them is part of my life now. Part of who I am.

Im grateful to have had the opporunity to love them so, and even still, even when that loving means I miss them.
My avatar, though on it's side, is of where they are buried. Blues's in on the left side, under the white stones, Rhythm on the right.


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## Saly

Marie, my wallpaper is also of my Oliver, big as life!! It makes me smile when I see him, sometimes with tears, and I always blow him a kiss. He will always be my furry little love of my life!!


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## Arianwen

There's nothing I can say that hasn't been said but I really feel for you.


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## burt

Bozo on the Wall


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## marie5890

I love it. In THE place of honor in a home!!!


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## koshechka

I am so sorry for your loss. Such a beautiful cat he was. He had a great life with you.


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## catloverami

I'm so sorry you've had to bury your beautiful boy Bozo....his eyes were absolutely stunning with that black eyeliner look. Yes, it's a real wrench that's for sure!
When I _"shuffle off this mortal coil" _I have faith that I will see my former pets again. I hope you will too.

*"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; unless my pets are there to welcome me." 
~ Author unknown*


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## 10cats2dogs

Catloverami,
Don't you just love 'predictive text'! I know you meant "Burt" not "Bozo"!!
OMG! I just noticed Burt used "Bozo"!
ACK! Never mind!
Sharon

P.S. I love that saying!


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## burt

Yes I called Smokey "Bozo" a lot, he used to sometimes come in through the kitchen door and head straight for the living room door....You Bozo Boy Out You Go!!!

Im thinking and greiving for him a lot today, im really stuck between the acceptance phase, I just cant believe hes not here. I cannot believe it, I just cant  I keep hearing his last cries...omg it hurts so bad

I only had him...sometimes I think im going mental without him

Wait I forgot to take my anxiety pill...maybe thats it


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## marie5890

((((BURT)))))

I am imagining him coming in thru the kitchen door....then heading straight for the living room door.... Thank you for sharing that.


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## burt

I swear when I lied in my bed to sleep I heard a soft meow from the other side of my wall last night. I swear I heard Smokeys meow a very soft meow..

My dreams was filled with Smokey, I cannot remember my dreams but I know they were of him.

15 years is such a strong bond to break, he was with me for almost half my life, when I think of him I break. I dont know why I keep writing on this thread, hes gone and theres nothing anyone can say to me to change that.

I miss him so much..mornings are so hard I still get up to feed him. I want to call for him.

I used to blow under his stomach like a baby, he never scratched my face not once

When he was young he used to get on the roof of the house, sounded like a elephant running around up there. So before leaving for work he would cry to come down, he was scared to jump the the car from so high above.

Sometimes he would jump, but this time he wouldnt so I climbed on my moms car to get him and squashed a panel of her roof. I never told her it was me.

Smokey would trust me to bring him down, he really would trust me and come to my arms from so high above..


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