# "RJ" joins the RB, July 5, age 19



## katdad

Today, July 5, my beloved fuzzbuddy "RJ" was escorted to the Rainbow Bridge where he's now fat and happy, and is meeting his cousins Dupree and Vanilla.

RJ was 19 and had a great life. A rescue cat I adopted from the Humane Society, he was the gentlest and sweetest pal you could ask for. But intestinal cancer and renal failure took him down and he was unable to fight the good fight. So we took him to the vet this morning and now he's at the RB.


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## marie5890

I am so so sorry for the loss of RJ. What a beautiful boy...

Eternal petpets RJ. I am one who believes you are feeling much better now. Enjoy the bridge, and stay close to your "katdad"....He misses you...


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## Jetlaya67

I am so sorry to hear about RJ. I know how much you loved him. You both were so lucky to have each other. Hang in there.


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## Mochas Mommy

I am so sorry for your loss; I know the decision is one of the hardest to make. RJ is at the Bridge on a nice warm spot watching you...and I am sure his spirit will sneak back to visit you and thank you for all your love and care these years.


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## cat owner again

RJ is now at peace. I am sorry for your loss. 19 years of love - a good life.


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## 10cats2dogs

Katdad,
I'm so sorry about RJ...
You were both so Blessed to have found each other, and had the time together, you did...
19 years is good long respectable life to have with a loving owner and a forever home.
I know your heart aches...
RJ knows how much he meant to you, and how much he was loved...
Loved so much, 
That he was set Free with Dignity, to Fly to the Bridge...
The final, ultimate gift of Love, that we can give...
Hugs and Prayers,
Sharon


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## katdad

Thanks for all the kind words. I've had other pets go to RB of course, but RJ was with me during some hard times and he was my buddy. Right now I'm grief stricken but later the good wishes here will be a comfort.

I found RJ at a Humane Soc. cat & dog adoption display at PetCo. I went there to buy some smoked pig ears for doggy friends, and strolled over, took one look, and it was love at first sight! When I went to pick him up, my friend Marie took me, and as I was getting RJ from the cage he was nervous and scared, nibbling at me. Marie said "Don't worry, little fella. You don't know it yet but this is the luckiest day of your life!" Very sweet and very true.


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## Heather72754

So, so sorry about your furbaby - what a gentle soul and how peaceful he looks sleeping there. That is the gift you gave him - the gift of peace and release from all his infirmities, and it's the hardest gift to give. How is Bobby doing with this? Does he appear to be grieving his buddy as well?


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## katdad

Bobby is acting a bit agitated but he's not yet figured out that Uncle RJ is missing. Naturally Bobby now has to assume full house cat responsibilities, a tough job. Just a while ago I picked him up, rubbed his little head, then fed him dinner and gave him some fresh water.


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## katdad

A question to those who lost a beloved cat about strange feelings that you get soon afterward...

All afternoon I had this odd urging that popped into my head briefly, to get in my car and drive to the vet, and "demand" that RJ be "fixed up" and given back to me, that I'd changed my mind.

Something like this ever happen to others? Or other odd ideas? Such as -- we're getting a bit of a rainstorm this afternoon, and I "worry" that RJ is out in it and lost, getting wet.


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## Gandalf&Endor

I'm sorry you lost your beautiful fur baby today. You sure have taken really great care of him.


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## marie5890

(I have lost 2 beloved kitties, 10 weeks apart)

Though I personally have not experienced what you are describing, what you are describing is actually very normal and common, whether the loss is a furry family member or a human one.

Be kind to yourself. Your mind is trying to catch up to the "new" reality.

It's been 2 years since I had to say goodbye to my 2 girls, and to this day, I still want a do-over.


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## katdad

Agreed. Right now my girlfriend is terse with me because I made the decision to have RJ euthanized today -- she would have preferred to continue to nurse him and clean him.

Needless to say, the decision was a hard one. But I knew that he'd die within a week or two anyway, in great pain. His illness wasn't reversible and it was terminal. Heck, I want the same for myself should it ever come to that (shudder).

I'm not intensely religious but I am a "believer" and I've always thought that for those beloved pets, a small portion of our souls is "transferred" to the animal, giving it entrance to heaven. Years after, reading C.S. Lewis' "The Problem of Pain" I saw that he believed much the same thing. So I was in good company.

And I do think that, in a way, the Rainbow Bridge is real. At least, the continued existence of our pets' spirits is not just a fable.


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## marie5890

The last gift we can give our beloved furkids is to sacrifice our hearts and take in the pain so they do not have to suffer any longer.

Not sure what you think about NDE (near death experiences) but a common experience for people who have them is that they see beloved pets who have gone before then. Not only that, but children who have NDE often describe a certain animal that they met that turns out to be a pet that they personally never knew, but their parents or other adults did know in their youth, etc.

I too dont understand how love, which I think is eternal, is ever extinquished. Doesnt sound logical to me...

Hugs and be kind to yourself. You gave him a wonderful gift by allowing him to be freed of his illness...


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## spirite

I am so very sorry katdad. He had a long and wonderful life with you, and you showed him your love with your courageous decision to spare him pain. I'm sure your girlfriend knows it was the right decision, but the loss is so immediate and so great that it will take her some time. I don't remember experiencing what you described, although I did find myself talking to my kitty, or holding silent conversations with her, for a while after she passed. It's so hard to accept that your furry baby isn't with you (physically, anyway), but he is in spirit. Lots of warm wishes to you and your girlfriend.


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## katdad

Thanks to all, especially marie & sprite... heart is broken now, will take a long time to heal.


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## marie5890

katdad said:


> Thanks to all, especially marie & sprite...* heart is broken *now, will take a long time to heal.


We know, katdad. We all know what that is like. They take a bit of our heart with them, so we are never exactly the same.

The heaviness will lift eventually, even though we always (or at least I do) miss them. 

Be kind to yourself.


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## Jetlaya67

Katas, I also believe we will see our pets that have gone on before us after we ourselves die. Hang in there, you will see RJ again.


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## 10cats2dogs

Katdad,
I believe that those people and pets we have held dear in life, will be greeting us, when it's our turn, to leave this earthly body...
After something I witnessed, when my Dad died, from cancer...I know he saw my Mom, and she had come to lead him over...
Hugs and Prayers, 
Sharon


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## katdad

Quoting Hamlet (off the top of my head, not looking it up...)

"How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this world,
'Tis an unweeded garden that goes to seed..."

I'm in a pretty bad state of mind right now, folks.


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## 10cats2dogs

Katdad,
I have been devastated at the loss of a pet, several times...
And it never gets any easier...
The only thing that helps is time...
And if you're lucky enough to have someone who understands...
that helps a little...
For what it's worth...you're not alone here...
Many, many of us have been where you're at...and will be again, at some point...it's inevitable, since so many of us feel, the Best way to Honor the one, who's at the Bridge, is to pass on the Love and a forever home, to another one who needs it...
Here you can share your feelings and never worry about no one, not understanding...
Hugs and Prayers, 
Sharon


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## howsefrau32

So sorry, RJ was beautiful, and sounds like he had an amazingly long wonderful life. 

I know what you mean, when I had to say goodbye to my dog a few years back, I still kept thinking things like "I need to call the groomer to make an appointment for Buddy", and telling myself "don't forget to get dog food". He slept next to my side of the bed and I continued to step over the spot he slept in well over a year after he was gone. I got a foster springer spaniel (what Buddy was) 5 days after he died, and I had her for nearly a month, and she really helped heal my heart. I was doing laundry once and her her nails on the hard floor and said "what cha doing Buddy", and then turned and realized it wasn't him. Those things happen for a while. 

Your girlfriend will get over the decision that you made. I made the same decision OVER letting Buddy go. My husband wasn't ready. But Buddy was my dog and I couldn't bear to see him the way he was any longer. I slept on the floor with him the night before I made the decision, and he kept breathing really hard and gasping, and I told myself I would never forgive myself if this dog dies like this, gasping for air. So I took him that morning after my husband left for work. Buddy could barely walk any longer, he was very arthritic, plus they suspected he was full of cancer and he had congestive heart failure. My husband was FURIOUS with me. We had the worst fight of our lives over this. But I couldn't do it any longer. I was the one caring for him around the clock, and watching him suffer. My husband eventually got over it and realized that I did the right thing. It took him a while, but Buddy's discomfort was more important to me at the time than my husband being mad. Your girlfriend will get over it too. 

Sorry to ramble on. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you've been through. I have yet to say goodbye to one of my cats and I can't even imagine how I will cope through that, because I loved my dog, but I am the most certifiable crazy cat lady on the planet  So I know I'll fall to pieces. I think you just have to let that happen, kind of fall apart a little bit, hurt, grieve, and then go on. Like I said, I fostered, and I can't tell you how much it healed my heart to do that. 

What a truly beautiful fluffy big boy RJ was.


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## marie5890

katdad said:


> Quoting Hamlet (off the top of my head, not looking it up...)
> 
> "How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this world,
> 'Tis an unweeded garden that goes to seed..."
> 
> I'm in a pretty bad state of mind right now, folks.


atbackatback


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## marie5890

Katdad,

You come here, any time, day or night, to say or share whatever you need to.

We hold each other close here, during the hard times.


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## katdad

Thanks to all for the support. We'll get by this.


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## katdad

How "RJ" got his name... When I adopted him the tag said "Jimmy" but that was a silly name for a cat. As with most pets, they sort of name themselves if you watch how they behave.

Now RJ had already been adopted, declawed (which I hate) and then returned by the previous people! Why, I don't know, as he was the gentlest, most friendly cat ever, more like a dog in his socializing with humans. But of course if they'd kept him we'd not have met. So anyway, RJ had been separated from his mom when too young, an "orfern" and pretty scared at first.

At the house I lived at the time, he had his catbox, food, water, all the good stuff. And he was okay but still frightened, having been caged so long that he really hadn't convinced himself he was really at "home".

Well, he'd been here about 3-4 days and it was Saturday, and I was getting ready to watch a Texans pre-season game, had the TV on, and was fixing food in the kitchen. Just before the game there was a rerun of Walker Texas Ranger.

Now WTR had 3 basic plots: 1- the young black deputy gets shot and Walker has to kick some tail, 2- the old white deputy gets shot and Walker has to kick some tail, and 3- the cute white female deputy gets kidnapped and Walker had to kick some tail. I forget which it was but just as the kick tail scene started, "Jimmy" suddenly realized that he was FREE!

So he started running and jumping all over the house, happily, on and off chairs and shelves and running through the rooms. And from that moment he was his old regular self.

Well, I told my sister about it and she laughingly told me that "Jimmy" actually was inspired by the Walker Texas Ranger show, and that he wanted to become a Texas Ranger, too.

So from that minute, he was "Ranger Jim" --- "RJ".


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## howsefrau32

I love the story, and am laughing to myself, because my 15 year old daughter and I just visited my dad in Kentucky a few weeks ago, and she sat through a few episodes of WTR and was hooked with my dad. LOL! I think it's just because she loves him so much, surely she can't be that in love with the show that like you said, has basically 3 different plots  

I love it when cats get a name that is sort of picked like that for them. I love it, Ranger Jim


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## marie5890

O.H I L.O.V.E. that story!
Thanks so much for sharing a bit about RJ with us!! So glad you two found each other. Such love, such friendship. 

Eternal Petpets, RJ. Eternal Petpets. 

We know you will be there for your Katdad when the time comes....In the meantime, enjoy the freedom of feeling well again...

Blessings to you all...


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## katdad

It's rough right now, as you all know. But today I also thought that I gave RJ a dignified exit, not slipping further and further into pain and embarrassment.

It doesn't mean that I miss him any the less, however. He was precious to me and he's my pal, always.

btw, RJ also had a nickname given by a neighbor, "Rusty" -- not many cats have nicknames.


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## marie5890

katdad said:


> It's rough right now, as you all know. But today I also thought that I gave RJ a dignified exit, not slipping further and further into pain and embarrassment.
> 
> It doesn't mean that I miss him any the less, however. He was precious to me and he's my pal, always.
> 
> btw, RJ also had a nickname given by a neighbor, "Rusty" -- not many cats have nicknames.



You gave him a great gift of self-less love of not asking him to slip further and further into pain and suffering.

You took that pain into your own heart, and spared him of that kind of suffer.

That is known as sacrificial love. 

As you continue to think of things to share about RJ with us, I hope you will. I always love getting to know about other people's furry family members and the joy and happiness that was exchanged


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## gizmothecat

(((HUGGS))) you!!! So sorry for your loss


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## Marcia

katdad said:


> A question to those who lost a beloved cat about strange feelings that you get soon afterward...
> 
> All afternoon I had this odd urging that popped into my head briefly, to get in my car and drive to the vet, and "demand" that RJ be "fixed up" and given back to me, that I'd changed my mind.
> 
> Something like this ever happen to others? Or other odd ideas? Such as -- we're getting a bit of a rainstorm this afternoon, and I "worry" that RJ is out in it and lost, getting wet.


It's not unusual at all which is why we agonize over these decisions. atback

I'm so sorry for the loss of RJ. You were truly a wonderful Kat Dad to have him live such a long and happy life. He DID fight the good fight, all the way to 19!! You did very well by him and made the right decision.


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## katdad

howsefrau32 said:


> LOL! I think it's just because she loves him so much, surely she can't be that in love with the show that like you said, has basically 3 different plots


Well, I have my opinions of other shows (being a writer, I often express myself more than many...)

For example, that gardening show (LawnOrder) during the Sam Waterston era, had one basic plot, EVERY episode: "A smarmy, rich, white privileged [man, woman, prep school snob kid] [kills, beats up, rapes, prevents from getting medical insurance] a disadvantaged [black, Asian, Hispanic, old person]" Every single episode.

Or, take "Bones" -- it also has 3 basic plots: A weird corpse is discovered and someone (1- gets married, 2- has a baby, 3- confesses to the nice, gay -- but still in the closet -- psychiatrist).


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## howsefrau32

I love your analysis of both of those shows, both spot on  

I pretty much watch the Big Bang Theory, over and over, even the re runs. Not much else on tv impresses me much or makes me laugh. I end up being forced to watch Family Guy, because my husband has it on and I do end up cracking up at things I think are probably really bad to be laughing at....but you just can't hep it sometimes. My husband loves shows with sick humor, like Family Guy and South Park.


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## katdad

Big Bang I must admit irritates me. I know it's a spoof and comedy but the portrayal of "genius" behavior is way off the mark. No really smart person plays Trekkie 3D chess -- they play regular chess and quite well. They are also very well rounded people. Highly intelligent people whom I've known over the years (I'm a member of Mensa) play tennis and golf and go to ballgames and cook out and date and play pool and are very solid and extremely literate, but also just fun folks. It's the semi-smart who put on the airs as the characters in BB do, nerds and unable to do otherwise. The truly smart are never nerds, unless they're "pretending" as a joke. And yeah, I realize the show's a comedy with stereotyped characters for the fun of it, but for me, it gets old fast. Like watching a badly made and inaccurate crime show (I'm a mystery writer). But hey...


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## katdad

Thanks, and again, thanks to all here who have added their kind thoughts. I still "see" RJ around the corners and coming into the room, think it may be partly my mind and partly his spirit.

I regret what I did of course, but intellectually know that he was rapidly sliding downhill, his stomach and abdomen were fluid filled and extended, he could barely walk, and would certainly die of septicemia within a week or so anyway, and in great pain and discomfort. So I know I did the right thing.

It's different from about 10 years ago, he got a bad infection and needed surgery, and we almost lost him, but he came back strong and healed perfectly. But that was when he was sick with a clear "getting well" path. But last week, there was no healing or getting well, and we all knew it, the vet confirmed it.

Heck, I've got a "No Code" (no code blue) order on my medical ID cards, I'm a member of the Neptune society, and have no qualms about taking the "exit strategy" should I be faced with a terminal and painful end. And my family and friends know it, too.

I did RJ a service, I think. I preserved his dignity and took away his constant pain. That shows how much I loved him.

An incident that I want to share, a story that helped me make my decision to send RJ away... The Icehouse outdoor tavern where I hang out (great place, Texas version of a German Biergarten) is dog-friendly. Folks bring their dogs and there are water bowls and bags of chow for them, plenty of outdoor space and shade for them to relax with their humans.

Anyway, the owner of the Icehouse had a great old dog "Red" (a big reddish mixed breed hound) who was the "official" dog. Well, as things happen, he got bone cancer and was terribly ill, in bad shape, his left hind leg all eaten away.

The owner, in what I'm sure he thought would be a kind gesture, had the poor old dog's left leg and hip surgically amputated, rather than putting him to sleep. That poor old dog hobbled around half-crazy for another 5-6 weeks until thankfully he became too sick to walk, and he was finally and sensibly put down. But watching that dog hobble in pain and discomfort was anguish. And he wasn't just subject to maybe his lower leg gone -- it was the whole leg and hip, and the poor animal was essentially gutted. It was a terrible sight.

To do this, I think, was selfish on the part of the owner. I know the guy of course, and he's a terrific fella, but he really blew it that time. "Red" needed to be put to sleep and trying to hang onto him past his "time" was selfish. "I want him and I want to pet him!" is often NOT the right way to act, as we are stewards of the Earth and of all creatures upon it, especially our beloved pets.

At least, that's how I see it. Each case is different. My buddy "RJ" had a clear recovery path when he underwent surgery those years back. And earlier, my old crazy cat "Vanilla" had successful cancer surgery, total recovery, and it gave her EIGHT more happy and healthy years until it finally came back again and she got sick fast, and I had to let her go.

Realize that our dogs and cats are at the top of the food chain and that their metabolisms are much faster than ours -- they get very sick so very fast.

Anyway, thanks to all for the good support. It's a rough decision always, as many others who've posted their "goodbye" stories can attest. But sometimes it's the kindest way to show true love, to let them go. Sob.


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## sheiladoreen

It broke my heart to hear your story about Red. You're exactly right- sometimes we need to take some extra heartache so that our pets can have an easy transition in their passing. 

It's a hard call to make. My grandfather had a 20 year old Siamese (Sushi) that he loved so dearly. She had been on the decline for a long time and finally my mom had the conversation with him one evening and convinced him it would be best if we took Sushi in the next morning to be euthanized. There were lots of tears and goodbyes that night. The next morning we found out that Sushi had passed in her sleep that night and we couldn't have asked for a better ending- we all had some closure from the goodbyes but didn't have to make that call for her. Unfortunately not all of our pets can go the same way. 

I'm sure RJ is thankful that you were strong enough to let him go without excess pain. 

Do you have any plans for a new cat or pet? I just think my home would feel so empty without an animal, regardless of whether they have passed or just spent the night elsewhere.


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## marie5890

It's never ever easy. My BIL calls it a serious mind-screw (though he doesnt use the word screw, but it would be censored here)...

I am sorry that "Red" 's last few weeks were full of suffering. My heartbreaks extra hard when I see that, knowing we can be kinder to our furry ones than our human family.

Hugs....


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## spirite

katdad, absolutely no reason to have second thoughts about your decision. Although I suppose it's easy enough for someone else to say that...you can know it rationally, and yet accepting it emotionally is much more difficult. 

I hope you'll be able to give yourself credit for knowing that this way the best way to show your love for RJ. It will help you to heal to remember that that. There is nothing for you to regret about your decision; the only thing to regret is that RJ couldn't live forever. 

You'll always have support here, and we'll remind you until you truly accept it.


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