# Disciplining a kitten



## newkitten (Dec 11, 2012)

We adopted Silas about 3 1/2 weeks ago...he is now around 14 weeks old. Much of the time he's a pretty good little kitten, but at times....:devil.....just like any kitten, he is busy and therefore sometimes tries to overstep his limits. 

A recent thing is him jumping on our laps while we are eating. My impulse is to immediately remove him, say NO; however, my DH and DD are not as quick to do that, so he persists....to the point of wanting to get on the table, check out our food, etc. I won't tolerate that. I am trying to train my FAMILY to correctly train the KITTEN. 

Another thing, more disturbing, is how he will attack my daughter. Usually it's her (she is 16, and the one who chose him at the shelter, so he's supposed to be 'her' cat), but he sometimes attacks my husband. He does this usually while one of them is playing with him--ears pinned back, and he jumps at her. I have told her, remove him, sternly tell him NO, and then the play session ends. Bad behavior=no more playtime. I know he needs to wear off his energy, however, he cannot be attacking my daughter or husband! He rarely does this to me. 

One thing he does to me is try to play with my necklace, or my earrings, or my glasses. These are also, to me, not acceptable (he DOES have claws, and it's not too enjoyable to be clawed in the throat/ears/etc!). Again, I will remove him, say NO. 

Any suggestions for other methods? Since I am home most of the time with him, I'm sure he'll see me as the "mom" in many ways, and I want to get this right. It's been many, many years since I raised a kitten!


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## Galathiel (Feb 6, 2012)

He's probably not 'attacking' out of a desire to do actual harm. That's how kittens play with each other. All the kittens I've had have done that when they are about that age. They outgrow it. If you don't like it then end the play session, but just understand they're just being kittens when they do that.

As to the getting up at the table, everyone needs to be on board with not allowing it. Just set the kitten on the floor each time it jumps up. Eventually ... very eventually *grin*.. it'll get the message.

Playing with your necklaces? Whip out a piece of yarn or something else that the kitten can legitimately play with and distract it.


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## newkitten (Dec 11, 2012)

I have been trying to use the 'distraction' technique. I tell my daughter that when he's getting ready to attack, distract him with something he can LEGITIMATELY attack--like a stuffed toy, of which he has many (since our dogs all died ). 

I think part of the problem may be that my daughter does not remember what kittens are like--she was only around 2 when we had our last kitten. And my husband doesn't see the signs of an impending attack either, like I do, since I have raised more kittens than he has. I do not want to be 100% responsible for this kitten, since he's supposed to be my daughter's (and I was not completely sure I was ready for another pet anyway, after my last dog died on 11/2/12 )....So perhaps I will just have to keep EDUCATING the two of them. But then my DD thinks I am being a 'know it all'.


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## Arianwen (Jun 3, 2012)

I'm sorry but this is normal - you work through it and it gets better.


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## GhostTown (Jan 12, 2012)

Toy diversion, as has been said, over and over. You can't get relaxed with it. Never let them be aggressive with hands, feet, anything you don't want them playing with.


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

You're definitely headed in the right directions! I've got a few suggestions that might help.

The first one is that your daughter (since it's 'her' cat) has to play with him in ways that don't teach him people are toys (aka NO HAND WRESTLING) and she needs to start before he's too excited.
So, she needs to go up to him, or call him, when he's being good and get out a laser pointer or wand toy for him to chomp at. If she's insistent about him wrestling with her hands (which teaches him to bite and scratch hands, go figure...lol) then tell her to grab a big stuffed animal, hold it in her hand, and let him chomp and kick that, keeping her hands safe while she puppets the toy.
It's very important to get him BEFORE he's too excited, so he still has self control.

You're right that when he's naughty play needs to stop, but you can't stop play when he's that riled up and expect good things. The trick is to stop, and make it very clear that the game is over. So cross your arms and look 'mad' (without yelling ect) and don't engage with him and then after 30 seconds or so grab a toy that's a little more distant (laser pointer or wand toy) and let him go nuts until he's burned out all his crazies.

With everything you want him not to do you need to change your train of thought a bit. Naturally we're set to think "No! Don't do that! Bad cat!" But that doesn't tell him what is acceptable. You need to think "No! Don't do that, do this!" So when he swats at the pretty shinies hanging off your neck say "No!" And then grab a toy that he can play with. The exchange is crucial, because it tells him what he can do instead. Eventually he'll start just choosing the right things, and then you can praise him for that.

If you see him playing with one of his toys on his own, as something he's chosen, tell him he's a good kitty and play with him as a reward. He'll learn that when he chooses the right things it's way more fun!


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## Galathiel (Feb 6, 2012)

As to not being totally responsible.... my son will be 22 in January. Two years ago he HAD to have a betta for his room (because I had bettas myself). Who feeds it every day and takes care of it? *raises hand*

Cause you can say all you want to "I just wouldn't do it. It's his" but then I would be the one feeling bad when the fish keeled over. Same with a kitten (or puppy). Regardless of who is 'responsible' .. ultimately you are if you see a need that needs to be addressed.


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## CorriniP (Dec 6, 2012)

If your daughter doesn't like her mom telling her what to do (and what 16yo does), maybe getting the information to her in a different way might help. Give her a book or video about kitten raising. If she "discovers" what to do on her own and understands why its important for the kitten's future, maybe she will be more responsible about it. Right now, it probably just seems like mom is trying to ruin everyone's fun.


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## Yuki'sMum (Dec 3, 2012)

A great book is "Think Like Your Cat" by Pam Johnson-Bennett. I had never owned a cat before I got Yuki and thank goodness I bought it before I got her! It's helped me understand why cats do what they do which has given me infinite patience with her  


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## Venusworld21 (Oct 23, 2012)

We use a squirt bottle here when kitties are doing something they shouldn't be...trying to play with xmas ornaments, jumping on the counters, etc. Generally it just takes a few squirts for them to realize that whatever they're up to isn't okay and they'll knock it off. Right now I have two four month old kittens, a 6 month old, a 10 month old, a 1 year old, and 5 adult cats (who should know better but "forget"  ) running around. Squirt bottle is my FRIEND.


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## newkitten (Dec 11, 2012)

We've tried the squirt bottle. It seems to have no effect on him at all. Silly kitten, cats aren't supposed to LIKE getting wet!!


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

The reason it doesn't work is because it's all "NO". There's no "this instead". If you want him to learn something you need to give him an alternative, or you'll just keep butting up against a wall.


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## GhostTown (Jan 12, 2012)

librarychick said:


> the reason it doesn't work is because it's all "no". There's no "this instead". If you want him to learn something you need to give him an alternative, or you'll just keep butting up against a wall.



***Hits pretend "like" button.***


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

lol, thanks GhostTown 

I guess I can explain this a bit better too. That's what happens when I post before my first coffee, lol.

Ok, so if you just give negatives there will come a point where your cat/kitten finds something that is 'worth it'. Ex: Doran will sit on the counter, and if I wave the squirt bottle at him he'll hunker down, squint his little eyes, and brace for impact. Aside from that mental picture being a bit heart wrenching, it's also proof. He does this because he's decided that the wonderful goodies he's occasionally found on the counter are worth getting squirted. He doesn't like the quirt, but he'll tolerate it.

The choices, once you hit that stage, are limited. You can either escalate (by yelling louder, squirting more, ect.), or you can change tactics. The trick is that, as humans, our first reaction is to escalate: "Oh! So THAT's how it's going to be, huh!? Well, I'll show YOU!" This is wired into us, and it's why if someone yells at you most people will end up yelling back. The trouble is that if you go this route where does it stop? Squirting a ton, adding vinegar and aiming for their head, shoving them off the counter, hitting them...it can just continue to escalate. It's a trap, because you can escalate all you want, if you aren't giving them another choice they won't ever truly learn it.

The other way is, admittedly, harder but it also sticks better if you truly put the effort in. It means that every single time your kitten jumps on the counter that you remove them, put them somewhere else, and then praise them. If you do it every time eventually they will give up and just go to the other spot, then you can praise them for making the right choice. It takes longer, but it does work better.


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## newkitten (Dec 11, 2012)

librarychick said:


> The reason it doesn't work is because it's all "NO". There's no "this instead". If you want him to learn something you need to give him an alternative, or you'll just keep butting up against a wall.


 This is not really the case. Aside from dinner time, when we obviously aren't going to interrupt our family dinner to go play with the cat, he IS given distractions, or redirections.


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

I wasn't meaning that you didn't, sorry I wasn't clear. I was just saying that, in general, if a kitten isn't redirected to something more appropriate then they'll keep doing the 'bad' things.

Sorry if you thought I meant that you, in specific, weren't doing it


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## newkitten (Dec 11, 2012)

librarychick said:


> I wasn't meaning that you didn't, sorry I wasn't clear. I was just saying that, in general, if a kitten isn't redirected to something more appropriate then they'll keep doing the 'bad' things.
> 
> Sorry if you thought I meant that you, in specific, weren't doing it


 OK, no offense taken then. That's pretty much what I've been telling my daughter, too--he needs to be given something APPROPRIATE to attack/play with, or he will continue to attack her. I guess sometimes I assume my daughter understands cats like I do--I have had many cats over the years, whereas this is the first kitten she can really remember having. 

At times, Silas will be doing his attention-getting kitten things (i.e., getting into trouble!), and she'll attempt to play with him....and then he seems uninterested in playing. She gets frustrated with that, and I tell her, try something different--a different toy, or playing with the toy in a different way. Just yesterday I gave him an empty spool to play with, and he absolutely adored it. Even a balled up piece of paper. 

I will have to look into that book someone mentioned.


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## Yuki'sMum (Dec 3, 2012)

I hope this link works. It's "Think Like A Cat". 


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## newkitten (Dec 11, 2012)

Yuki'sMum said:


> Amazon
> 
> I hope this link works. It's "Think Like A Cat".
> 
> ...


Thanks! I ordered a copy for my daughter.


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## Zilla (Oct 29, 2012)

My kitten now is like this and so was Godzilla when he was young..... Playing with necklaces attacking husbands and wanting people food is all quite normal.... But like someone else said on here. They will grow out of it... I'm sure you will learn a lot from the book! 


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