# Update on Cosette



## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Found out that I'm not going to be accepted to get Cosette..
The SPCA adoptee said she didn't like the idea of Cosette being stuck in one room, for me to find another cat.

My hopes are crushed. I've been looking forward to today for about a week now.


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## raecarrow (Oct 27, 2009)

Awww.... (((hugs))) I'm sorry. I know how much you were looking forward to getting her.

It may be for the best though. A kitten that is less than a year or two old may become really rammy being stuck in one room all the time. You can be sure that Cosette, cutey that she is, will find a good home. I suggest you look for an older, more laid back cat that may have a harder time finding a good home but will be fine in a single room.


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## Pawsitively Nicole (Feb 12, 2011)

I'm so sorry  I know that this must be so disappointing. I just want to commend you for being honest with the adoption agency. I've been the one to have to work with and accept/deny adopters, and an adopter like you who is honest about the situation is such a rare gem and shows the quality of your character.

Just think of it this way, this obviously means that for some reason Cosette isn't meant to be your perfect match. There is a cat out there that is meant for you and will be the best match for you, we just have to find him/her. Are there other organizations in your area? Craigslist is also a good place to look. At least Cosette has a safe, warm place to be while she waits for her people. There are a lot of animals on Craigslist listed that if someone doesn't come for them soon, well lots are just left  You can also check local vets. This is a great place to adopt a cat. A lot of people take cats to the vet and never come back for them. Or just leave cats/kittens dumped there. The vets get stuck in a bad situation, they have to find homes for the animals or a shelter to take them otherwise they must euthanize them. A vet is also a great source too because people will post rehoming posters there, and sometimes they will know personally of people needing to find a new home for cats and can help direct you there.


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Thanks Rae, but I can't get an older cat. My dad wants me to get a young one..
My sister even suggested this. She said for me to get an older cat, but I told her dad wouldn't let me -- yeah, my dad is rough.

Thanks Nicole, and yeah, I've tried everywhere..
Shelters, pet stores, craigslist, petfinder, local trader papers, etc.
Either the pets are too old, or there aren't any. It's so upsetting.


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## Pawsitively Nicole (Feb 12, 2011)

Well if you are willing to wait kitten season is getting ready to come up and be in full swing. In a couple of months everywhere will be overwhelmed with kittens. 

Can I ask why he wants a young one? If he is insisting on it living in your room then I am assuming he won't be interacting terribly much with it, so why does the age matter to him?


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## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

Ana, have you talked to your father and tried to convince him? Is there something you can negotiate with him so she can have access to the whole house?


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

I have no idea, Nicole.. he's one of these parents that are like "My house, my rules.", yknow? He's just.. really rough and hard to deal with.

And yeah, I have tried to talk to him, but.. there's no way he'd allowed the cat in the house. He HATES indoor pets.. I'm surprised he agreed to allow me to keep one in my room... It's really sad... He doesn't like hamsters, guinea pigs, birds, or anything.. and they're in CAGES. He wants them outside... but you can't do that.. they'll die..


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## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

I am so sorry. 

I hate to say this but your father needs to realize that without our animal friends that we are pretty much nothing. They complete us.


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Well, he doesn't think so.. he just thinks they're pets.
He doesn't see them in any other way.

"Just put them outside, see them every now and again, and feed them."
Sure, they'll be fine, he says... Oh but they aren't... the cats I've had outdoors have ran away.. so I will NOT have another outdoor only cat. I will NOT.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

I'm so sorry for you.  I know how heartbreaking that is. Ages ago I wanted to adopt a gorgeous Siberian Husky puppy and the adoption wouldn't give her to us. They said that living on a farm would be too 'dangerous' and they worried she'd be returned for livestock chasing/ poultry killing. I had already hit petsmart and spent a FORTUNE on tons of fun puppy stuff and I was so upset.

4 months later I got Lunabear (my Alaskan Malamute) and she was just MEANT to be with us. She was our big cuddly buggly bear.  

It doesn't make it hurt less but you'll find your heart kitty  and the relationship will be *amazing*.


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Thanks Krissy. I hope to find myself a kitty soon.
I'm so very lonely with no one to spend time with.


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## Alpaca (Dec 21, 2009)

I commend you for sticking to your convictions and not giving into your dad's rules about keeping the cat outside. 

I understand about the my house my rules thing. Don't worry. As Nicole says, everything has its time and place. Perhaps you can consider volunteering at a shelter as an alternative? Although it's not the same as having one of your own, at least you can get close to some when you're there, take care of them and give them some love?


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## suwanee (Jan 22, 2011)

Aw. That's too bad it fell through, but I agree, the right cat is out there waiting for you. Go out and start looking at them again, you'll get excited and one of them will pick you! So many cats need a home!


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## tghsmith (Dec 9, 2010)

with spring on its way it will bring the seasonal overflow of kittens.. ps I read it somewhere "if you want to get a cat start by asking for a horse"


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Awww...I'm sorry to hear that. Keep looking and you'll find the perfect kitty soon and you'll then be glad you waited!


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## paperbacknovel (Jun 9, 2010)

If you'd like, you can PM me your approximate location in KY (wherever you'd be able to go to adopt) and I'd be glad to help you.

Could you ask your dad WHY he's against you adopting an older cat? We're not even talking about an elderly cat...even a 3 or 4 year old cat is not old, just adult.


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## Pawsitively Nicole (Feb 12, 2011)

I understand how difficult it is to have people in your life that have different ideals on what is proper pet ownership.

We have a couple here that think that animals are no different than vegetation or inanimate objects, that it is all here for man's own use. They had a dog, since it was a puppy, and at the age of 13 they decided that he had lived long enough and they were tired of him. So they gave him to a friend to use as target practice. They said that to spend the money to euthanize it is irresponsible, that to let the guy shoot it was free and accomplished the same outcome and that a truly responsible human being would use that money to help other humans in need. They are so extreme in a lot of their ways of thinking. As you can imagine I get ripped apart a lot by them for even owning my pets, let alone caring for them like I do. And they think they are right, there is no convincing them otherwise. I understand your frustration


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I think you should wait until you get your own place. It _is_ your Dad's house and he should be able to say what goes, as much as you don't agree.

I don't think keeping a kitten or even an adult cat in a bedroom permanently is a good solution. They will cry and cry to get out - they do NOT like closed doors. Plus, it will annoy your Dad even further and you may end up having to give up a cat that you've fallen in love with.

Perhaps you could volunteer with a shelter or another organization so you can be around cats and be doing something good for them.

Just a thought.


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## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

I totally agree with marie, word by word. You'd be a God send to an organization, and you could "adopt" the cats there without needing to take them home. This is what I did when my landlord wouldn't allow pets, and I had (and still have) the best time as a "strays' mommy". Since my colony is right under my apt, I can go at any time of day and night and they're happy to see me and I'm happy to see them.


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## raecarrow (Oct 27, 2009)

tghsmith said:


> ps I read it somewhere "if you want to get a cat start by asking for a horse"


LOL! Priceless!


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## Vivid Dawn (May 31, 2010)

AnaPanda said:


> He HATES indoor pets.. .. He doesn't like hamsters, guinea pigs, birds, or anything.. and they're in CAGES. He wants them outside... but you can't do that.. they'll die..


Ummm... I assume the chihuahuas are inside? They would certainly die if they were left outside, as they don't tolerate weather changes well (especially cold).
How come he can have his dogs (who by the way are not even fixed and therefore can cause messes when in heat!), but you can't keep a cat in one room???

Anyhoo. It's weird the SPCA was against having her isolated. When I started volunteering, I turned down a place because they told me that any foster cats I had were to isolated "in a small section" of the house (aka - playpen/crate/big cage or otherwise blocked off area). The whole point of fostering, is to get them used to a home environment. I can understand isolation if they were sick, or my cats were sick, but for the whole time? I had Nebbie for 2 years as a foster... I would think she would go crazy if she didn't have full run of my room.

I agree with everybody else. Maybe volunteer somewhere. That may even get you a chance to find out about another kitty that would fit better for you, in regards to the situation. We have 2 kittens (well, by now they're nearly a year old) that are very calm and not as energetic as most. They're not sick, just have a mellow personality.

Good luck with all this!


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## Layla0710 (Nov 30, 2010)

Oh no! I logged on just to read how everything went today. 



Pawsitively Nicole said:


> Just think of it this way, this obviously means that for some reason Cosette isn't meant to be your perfect match. There is a cat out there that is meant for you and will be the best match for you, we just have to find him/her.


That is a good point. You never know- Cosette could have turned out to be a terrible match and make your life worse. This could be fate's way of intervening. That's what I try to think about when things I'm looking forward to don't work out.

I think going to a vet clinic would be a great idea. Sometimes it's better to speak with someone who is more realistic about animal's needs then some shelter's cut and dry rules/ stipulations. 

Also, volunteer work as suggested would be good, too! But it IS hard when you get to know and fall in love with so many. Even though you couldn't take any home you'd still make a huge difference in their lives. Plus you would be getting out of the house more, which is definitely a bonus!

Don't give up!


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## Sinatra-Butters (Aug 9, 2010)

When I was 21 I lived with my mom in the summer and at college the rest of the time. My mom was fine with me getting a cat but her then boyfriend (she lived in his house at the time) hated her two cats, and we didn't feel safe getting another (why she even dated the guy I don't know). My roommates didn't want a cat either, they didn't want to deal with the "mess". One day, while at Petsmart with my boyfriend and a friend (she needed fish stuff) we came across this gorgeous adult black cat in their adoption section. We decided to go and meet him and I instantly fell in love with him. I wanted him so badly but I just had no where to keep him. I tried my mom, dad, roommates, and my boyfriend's sister (he lived with her) and the only way I was going to be able to keep the cat is if I paid his sister to keep him there for three months. I also didn't have a full time job, only part time, so my boyfriend was going to loan me the money to get him. I decided it was worth it to just eat the ridiculous fee my boyfriend's sister was going to charge me, pay it and have my dream kitty. My boyfriend and I went back to Petsmart to get the kitty I had named Bagheera and he was gone. It had been a week since we met him but we figured he wouldn't get adopted since he was an adult and adults almost never get adopted so soon. I asked the man cleaning the cages and he said Bagheera had been adopted two hours before we came in. I was devastated, like you. I wanted this kitty so badly and I thought my kitty dreams were ruined.

Fast forward four months. My boyfriend and I are finally living together and we go to the local Humane Society with my friend who is looking for a kitten (the same one who was getting the fish stuff). I of course look at the kittens with her and my boyfriend, who has always liked adult cats, goes to look at the adult cats. He opened a bottom row cage of a cute siamese named "Two Socks" to pet him and he climbed right in his lap in the middle of the Humane Society floor. My boyfriend had fallen in love. We spent some time in the private room with "Two Socks" but left empty handed that day. The next day I was doing some volunteer work and my boyfriend called me on my cell. He said he was back at the Humane Society with Katelyn (our friend) and she had found a kitten. He also said that they were doing a buy one get one free deal on cats and wanted to know if I wanted to get "Two Socks". I said yes and he took him home and when I came home that night we named him Sinatra.

Fast forward again a year and a half. Sinatra is my heart kitty. I love him so incredibly much and I don't think we could have chosen a better first kitty for us. We also have Nutmeg, another "on a whim" cat from the Humane Society and she has purred her way into our hearts as well.

Ana, what I'm trying to say is that even though it doesn't seem like it now, Cosette wasn't the right cat for you. When you do end up getting a cat you will be grateful that you didn't get Cosette because then you wouldn't have gotten your heart kitty. I can't imagine my life without Sinatra and I am so happy I didn't get Bagheera, and I know you will feel that way someday too.


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## yellowdaisies (Jan 25, 2011)

AW I'm so sorry!!  

What does your dad mean by "young"? Less than a year? Even slightly older cats, a year or two, would be more mellow than a 4 month old kitten from my understanding...

I really hope this works out for you soon!! I know you are going to be a great mommy to whatever cat you end up getting.  And that cat will be the PERFECT one who was meant to be yours!!


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

marie73 said:


> Perhaps you could volunteer with a shelter or another organization so you can be around cats and be doing something good for them.
> 
> Just a thought.


The animal shelter is an hour away, and I don't drive..
Or else I would, because I don't really have anything else to do.

But either way, I can't, so.. that's a no go... :sad:


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Vivid Dawn said:


> Ummm... I assume the chihuahuas are inside? They would certainly die if they were left outside, as they don't tolerate weather changes well (especially cold).
> How come he can have his dogs (who by the way are not even fixed and therefore can cause messes when in heat!), but you can't keep a cat in one room???


He makes them stay outside too. The only time they come in, is when it gets down to around 30 (f) degrees, and he lets them inside and makes them stay in the bathroom, in a cage overnight, then once morning breaks, they go right back outside until it's dark outside again.

Otherwise, they're outside at all times.. And these dogs are mine and my sisters', they're not his. If they were HIS, they'd be chained up to a tree, or something, with a dog box and some hay to sleep with, with barely any human interaction at all, lol.. :sad:


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

I'm sorry Ana, but it really doesn't sound like any more animals should be brought into this environment. Your father's attitude and confining a young cat to your room (which, from the pictures, doesn't look anywhere near 16 x ?) is a recipe for disaster. You're young...set your sights on completing your education and getting out of there, then you can treats your pets as you choose.


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

I've been waiting for 4 years, and it's just really getting to me..
I'm so lonely and really wish I had someone or a pet to keep me company..

I cry alot because of my loneliness and I have no one to talk to really.


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## swimkris (Jul 17, 2010)

I'm sorry Cosette didn't work out, but perhaps it will be for the best someday. Your dad is placing a lot of stipulations on this future cat, and there may not be any guarantee that he will stick to his compromise. I would hate for you to get very attached to a cat and then have it snatched right from your arms  How long will it be before you graduate and move out? I know it seems like a very long time to wait (after my last cat died when I was 14, I wasn't allowed to have any more till I moved out), but when it's all said and done you will be glad to make all of your own decisions regarding your cat(s). You will get to choose what breed, age, personality, color, size, etc of cat to get versus what your dad stipulates. You would also get to pick a nurturing lifestyle for that cat.

Regardless of what you choose, I know that you will love any cat that you might adopt in the future, but keep in mind that you should be willing to do almost anything for that cat before adopting it. Just like if the cat were to get sick and you would need to take the cat to a vet despite costs, if your "landlord" doesn't allow animals you should find another place to live (except under extreme circumstances). You are just lucky that you know your circumstances ahead of time, and you should use that advantage to carefully figure out the pro's and con's and alternate plans before taking on the responsibility of a cat.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

If you can't drive and your kitty gets sick will your dad drive you to the vets with it?


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

I don't graduate for another two years and a half, and probably move out then, I guess..
I was diagnosed with chronic depression at 14 or 15.. that's around when I started losing all my pets.. and I was diagnosed with Anxiety last fall, so now I have to take medication for that.. I guess my body broke down after so much stress and pain. I have no friends (well, I have close cousins, but they're too occupied in their boyfriends, and too busy working to call or come see me.) and my boyfriend lives in Canada (we internet date), but his parents don't know about me, so we can't call one another..

My life is just really stressful right now, and I just really long to have someone (I call a cat a someone, is that weird?) to talk to and be with...

And if the pet were to get sick, my mom would probably drive me and the pet to the vets' office. I think my mom would really get attached to the kitty, cause she has a soft spot. If it were HER choice, she'd allow both our doggies and a cat to come indoors... but it's not her choice, because my dad is all about "This is my home, and what I say goes" thing..


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## Layla0710 (Nov 30, 2010)

Even though it sounds like you will undoubtedly be a wonderful cat mommy it is possible that this may not be the healthiest environment for a feline friend. The cat will be under enough stress while getting adjusted to it's new lifestyle that it does not need your father adding to it.

I know it sucks, but maybe keeping this in mind will be positive motivation for when you eventually move out and something to look forward to! 

Don't get too down about everything and try to stay positive.


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## swimkris (Jul 17, 2010)

Maybe you could try pet-sitting some of your neighbor's animals? Your dogs would probably appreciate a few extra snuggles too  

I'm not saying that you shouldn't get a cat; just that you really have to think every situation (the good and the bad) out before you get one. If you get a kitten, it will be very attached to you and always crying when you are not in the same room, and if you get certain breeds it will do that anyways as an adult. I'm just very afraid that your dad will go back on his promises. Would your mom stick up for you about this cat if it doesn't work out the way your dad is hoping? Can she explain to him how this cat will help your emotional being, and how it will hurt you if he gives the cat the boot?


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

I really don't think my dad would go back on his word, because the only reason he's letting me get it IS because I'm depressed and have no friends...

I've talked with my mom about moving out, so, I think I might do that..
I found out that if I clean for my Grandma, I'll get paid around $90 a week..
So the monthly fee for the cat would be paid on that, since it costs about $50 a month for each pet. And my Gramma lives in those same apartments. I also found out that those apartments cost little to no rent if you have no job, which is wonderful..

What do you guys think about this idea?


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

Moving out on your own is going to be expensive. Even if it is low income housing you'll need a deposit and probably first and last months rent. You'll probably need a pet deposit. 

Monthly expenses aren't just rent. They include food, electricity, water/sewer, possibly gas, internet and phone.....

You're going to want to have SOME money set aside for your kitty in case of emergencies. MowMow was supposed to be healthy but I wound up paying 900+ in my first months of having him. If I hadn't had that money I may have had to make a very difficult decision of putting him to sleep (I say MAY because my family and SO would step in to help if I needed it). 

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, I just want to make sure you've thought out all that goes into starting a home.

Is it possible to move in with your Gran?


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## Sinatra-Butters (Aug 9, 2010)

You will get paid a lot more if you get an evening job waitressing or even in a grocery store. I worked two jobs in college, it isn't so bad.


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Oh yes, Krissy, I've put a lot of thought into this.
I've been thinking about it for a little while, even though I told no one.
It always crosses your mind, you know? I'm over 19 years old.. some think I should have left home over a year ago.

I have thought about the expenses. My Gramma told me that the rent would be free if I was unemployed, but, if I clean her apartment once a week, I'd get paid about $90 a month -- a cat fee is around $50 a month if I remember correctly.

I don't think there's many fees -- I think there's a $150 apartment deposit, and that's about it. I'll be calling tomorrow for more information. And no, sadly, I cannot move in with my Gramma. It's a rule they have. It's weird, but, it's a rule. 

I'll call tomorrow, though, neverless, and ask all kinds of questions about how the housing works, if appliances include into the no-rent thing and all that jazz.

Anything else I should ask or know?


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## Pawsitively Nicole (Feb 12, 2011)

What about furniture. Do you have couches and whatnot, will your parents let you keep your bed? You will also need a lot of smaller things that add up really super fast like cleaning supplies, dishes, cookware, etc. One thing you can do to help cushion this cost is have a house warming party. Kinda like a baby shower. People can bring gifts, however you can not depend on this to supply these needs. You can also see if you have any family that has furniture or whatnot that they don't want anymore that they might be willing to give to you. Unfortunately these things add up really fast, even if you are shopping at garage sales, Goodwill, etc.


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## yellowdaisies (Jan 25, 2011)

While I think it would be great if you could move out...



MowMow said:


> Monthly expenses aren't just rent. They include food, electricity, water/sewer, possibly gas, internet and phone.....
> 
> You're going to want to have SOME money set aside for your kitty in case of emergencies.


This is exactly what I wanted to point out. 

Things add up much more quickly than you would think. 

And expenses for a cat - other than the vet bills, you will need to buy cat litter (fairly cheap), and FOOD. If you get good quality food, this is not very cheap. ESPECIALLY if you want a kitten. They eat a lot more than adult cats, because they are still growing! 

And I THOROUGHLY agree that you do need at least a small cushion for potential vet bills. We had to take Lily in a couple weeks ago for a skin issue - $130, just like that. It adds up, and you really need to be able to take care of your kitty if they need it. 

I don't want to discourage you, I just don't want you to get in over your head and end up in a difficult situation later.


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Yeah, I understand. 

I'm pretty sure my parents would allow me to keep my stuff.
Whenever I talked with my mother about this, I told her she could use my room as a computer room if I move out, and she asked, "Well, aren't you taking your desk?!" so.. yeah, I'm pretty sure that won't be a problem.

I have dishes that I've saved just for this moment, actually! When I was younger, I would collect pretty dishes, and save them for when I decided to move out. Now that I look back at it, I used my little savings for such good things, instead of silly things..

As far as furniture, I won't really need much, because I'll be living alone..
I have a chair that I could take with me, and my bed is a futon (folds into a couch), so I think I'm pretty good to go for that. I also have my desk, and a TV stand, plus several shelves.

Oh, and for internet, I could go to my grammas, because she has internet. She lives just an elevator ride away!


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## Pawsitively Nicole (Feb 12, 2011)

I hope it doesn't come across as me being discouraging, but like was stated before I just want to make sure you don't get in over your head. When I got married and moved out on my own so much added up so fast. I was 19. For example I do not have phone or cable TV, so for just internet alone it's $50 a month. And like I said those small things add up fast like a vacuum cleaner, mop, towels, etc. Does this place cover water/garbage? A lot of apartments do. I pay electricity which for 2 people runs between $30 to $50 a month. Bare in mind I have no air conditioning so that doesn't go in the summertime. Groceries are going to be a big expense. Will you have a washer/dryer or will you have to pay to go somewhere? That adds up fast as well. 

I underestimated how difficult it was to be out on your own when I moved out. Suddenly there were things I had to get and all the money I had saved up (which was a couple thousand dollars) was gone. We live paycheck to paycheck. My car just broke down, the transmission went out. We don't have the money just lying around to fix it. It's not easy out there. If you have the means to make it then by all means go for it  I just want to make sure you really know what you are getting into before you jump in. Does your mother think you have the means to do it? 

Being out in the adult world isn't as fun as it seems


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## Sinatra-Butters (Aug 9, 2010)

No it is not. I wish I could live with my parents. Sadly that isn't an option anymore.


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

The only real benefit I have here is not paying bills or anything.
That's a great benefit, however, I'm not sure how much longer my emotions and anxiety can handle some of these things..

I know it'll be hard, but, also living here hurts me, and is rough on me mentally.
I don't like thinking that I'm burdening my parents by them always having to do stuff for me.. I'm 19 years old.. most 19 year olds have moved out by now. :sad:

I'll be asking if the water/garbage/electricity and such is included into the rent.
I'm pretty sure it is, but I need to recheck in case, yknow?

If I take up the job of cleaning my gramma's house once a week, I'll get paid about $360 per month, which should help greatly with the groceries, monthly pet payments and pet foods. However, I won't be getting the kitty (or at least try not to =P) until I could get the apartment under control and such (depending if I could even get accepted for one)


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

I'm not sure 360.00 will be enough to live on. I think you're going to have to get another job as well.

IMO I live very frugally, here is a breakdown of my budget each month.

Rent(includes water/sewer/trash) 720.00
Electricity 64.00
Internet 57.00
Cell Phone(no landline) 47.00
Netflix and Hulu(no cable) 16.00
Car insurance 66.00
Rentors insurance 13.00
Pet Insurance 13.00
Groceries/household(cleaning supplies, cat litter, food, laundry supplies and any other household expenses) 200.00 
MowMow Food 55.00


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

At 19 most people have moved out?! Not these days. A lot of people are staying at their family home longer due to financial reasons while they go through university and many even beyond that due again to financial reasons. Living on your own isn't cheap and I personally have no desire to live with strangers so living with my family is great. I'm 24 and have no desire to move out on my own... For one thing, rent around her starts at 800 for the smallest cheapest locations. Whenever I would stay at the apartment we own by myself with just my cat, unless I was studying, it was complety mind numbingly boring - I like hanging out by myself in my room but I also like to have the ability to walk out of my room and talk to someone whenever I want and to help in making dinner. Making dinner all by yourself and only for yourself is not all that enjoyable. My friends have all said similar things, one of them was staying at dorms and later lived in two different basements. She moved back home - she missed her family, rent is expensive (she didn't even have to pay for anything, her parents did! Although that wasn't much of an issue for them) and after the first sense of wonderment at being on her own and in her own space wore off, she came home a few years later.


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Ohh my, that list is quite long.

However, it will just be me by myself, and a cat. I don't use much electricity -- no night lights, rarely watch tv/movies, rarely use water unless to flush toilets or shower, because I'm a hand sanitizer person. 
I don't eat much, so I'd probably only go shopping once or twice a month.
I don't need a car, seeing as how I can't drive, so.. I don't have to deal with gas, or car insurance.. plus I rarely go anywhere, y'know?
I'd be washing my clothes here at my parents' house, because they don't have a water bill, they have self-built underground well to grab water from. I still have to find out if the electricity goes in with the rent -- I know that phone and internet do not, because my gramma told me about that. And wow, your rent is soooo much. Rent here usually doesn't exceed about $400 per month, with all utilities included (water, electricity, phone, etc. :O)

I usually don't eat anything other than cereal, oatmeal, soup or something such as that. I already figured up my monthly bill for food, and it'd be around $18 (not sure how long it'd last me, around 2-3 weeks though)

Cleaning supplies would be easy, because our local dollar store sells dollar store brand things for about a dollar or two. My mom would end up all motherly and be like "Let mommy get this stuff! My baby is moving out and needs my help!" 

Lol, she told me that she would be giving her paycheck to me, because she takes care of my grandma (just like I'll be cleaning for my gramma weekly) and makes about $90 per week as well.


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## paperbacknovel (Jun 9, 2010)

AnaPanda, my husband and I both have depression. I actually have bipolar disorder and PTSD/anxiety as well. For the sake of finances, we both stayed with our families until we were married (other than living in dorms/apartments in college). We grew up having dogs and my husband always wanted cats (neither of us could ever have cats growing up because both of our moms are very allergic to them), but even in the apartments we lived in in college, we did not get a pet (even though we talked about it and really really wanted to, because we were having all sorts of depression issues in college). The reason we didn't is because we knew we were busy as students, we were not fully financially independent because we didn't have full-time jobs, and we didn't know where we would live after college. Because our lives weren't stable, even though we really wanted a pet, we knew that it was not the right time for one, for the pet's sake. After college, he lived with his sister and her husband for a year, working and saving money. I lived with my parents, working and saving money (until I was 24! so 19 and living at home is not weird at ALL). We got married and got a house. We lived in our house for 7 months before my husband finally said "okay, I really have always wanted a cat, and I think now is the right time." So we did some research, and adopted 2 6-mo.-old cats. We were 25, and we had to wait until then.

We were waiting until:
1. we both had cars so that we could take the cats to the vet in an emergency
2. we both had stable jobs and enough money saved so that we could afford to give the cats the best care and food possible
3. we were both on steady antidepressants and other medication
4. we had our own place so we could make our own rules (instead of trying to beg his sister or my parents to let us have a pet in their house...they wouldn't have allowed it, either) and so that our cats would have plenty of space to run around.

I agree that shutting a cat up in one room of a house is not a very pleasant life for a cat. It's OK for short term, but I know it would drive my cats crazy, and they even have each other for company. 

I can tell that you mean well and that you're trying to think of all the ways that moving out would be relatively cheap for you, but I'm another one who can attest that there are so many random extra expenses that you incur when you live by yourself the first time. Even though my husband and I were working together, it was still a huge shock.

Right now I'm actually really concerned about your chihuahuas. Could you spend more time with them? Dogs can be great friends too, and they are already yours. What will happen to them when/if you move out? Could you take one or more of THEM with you and get them out of that bad situation? It's really bad for any dog to live outdoors (they are pack animals and really need to live with a family in the house), and especially chihuahuas weren't made for living outdoors. I think they would be so thrilled to get to have a home finally.

So I understand where you're coming from about wanting a companion and pets are VERY therapeutic, I agree. But pets have needs, and often unexpected expenses, and in order to be a responsible pet owner and do what is best for the pet, you'll need to be totally prepared to meet those needs and expenses. If you're limited by living at someone else's house (particularly if they have weird rules about pets), or by not driving or having a car, or by not having money/job, you're unfortunately going to be limited as a pet owner, giving limited care to a pet. I know you have so much love and affection to give, and it sounds like you will be a very good and diligent cat mommy, but it would be best for the cat if you waited until your situation gets better. 

There's no rush--there will ALWAYS be amazing cats to adopt. And those kitties of ours have been super expensive, even though they're relatively healthy, so I'm really glad we waited until we had the money.

I would focus on trying to get on antidepressants or other treatment if you aren't already, and work towards getting into a situation where you can provide a great home for a cat. I would also, if you are going to be moving out, try to take one or more of your dogs with you. Like I said, dogs are wonderful, and very good companions.


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## Jan Rebecca (Oct 14, 2010)

Aww I'm sorry..


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## Abbie (Jan 13, 2011)

I have to agree with some of the others- I know it's difficult to accept, but right now just might not be a good time to adopt a cat.

I have to majorly disagree with keeping a cat in a bedroom 24/7. Especially as, by the looks of your photos, your bedroom is no-way near 16 or 20 ft. When we first adopted our second cat, Mitzi, we had to keep her confined (I use this word as it's exactly what it is- you are confining your cat to a small space) in her 'safe room' (our guest bedroom) for one week full time, and two weeks part time while we did introductions with our first cat, Evie. Well, Mitzi was not happy- and she is a purebred Ragdoll, a breed that is renowned for being laid back and a great breed to keep indoors- she cried and cried for space to explore beyond the bedroom door. Just imagine- would you like to be kept in one room your whole life knowing there's so much more to see? Never knowing what's beyond that door? Mitzi had a plethora of toys, cat trees, boxes a large window with birds and cats outside to watch. But she still wasn't happy- and she only had to do 2 weeks!

I know you're looking at moving in to your own place. Please heed people's warnings about cost. I know it's not what you want to hear, but we're not lying to you. Living on your own really does cost a lot! There's a lot of hidden costs that you wouldn't even think about. I moved out of my parents house at 18 to go to University, and believe me- it was a shock! I've never moved back and am now 23 and living with my boyfriend. With the mortgage (which works out cheaper than rent!), utility bills, phone and internet, food, household products and furniture etc, the cats (and other animals) we spend well in excess of £1500 (we live in England) a month- even though we keep costs down. 
I'd be astonished if you really did only spend $18 a month on food. You need to think about everything that you eat, not to mention maintaining a healthy diet. We spend about $80 a week on food and household stuff for the two of us. It costs about £55 ($89 wow!) to feed our two girls a month as I'm very finicky about what I will feed them. Then there's toys, medical bills and other things on top of that. We didn't envisage the vet bills that came with our girls! We had Evie down to the vets three times the first week we had her, then three more times the following fortnight, due to an unforeseen condition. Mitzi's been twice and we've only had her 4 weeks. As you can imagine- it's been expensive. They've cost £400 in vets bills in just 2 months. We didn't see that one coming- but it's so important that you think about things like this. The real practicalities of having a cat.

I don't want to sound negative or like I'm trying to rain on your parade. But I've been there, I have a very domineering Father. He's a mans-man with the whole "This is my house you will do as you are told" attitude, even now when I visit it's very much his rules. But, what I'm saying, is don't rush into anything. I know everything seems so difficult at the moment, but you will get through this. Everything will happen when it's supposed to happen. You talk of your Chihuahuas, could you spend more time with them, maybe? Or take them with you if you do move?


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## yellowdaisies (Jan 25, 2011)

I agree with the other posters. 19 is not too old to be living at home. Around here, I know plenty of people in their mid-20s living at home. Then again, rent is over $1000 for a 1 bedroom here (not kidding), and jobs are somewhat scarce at the moment...

But regardless of cost of rent, those other expenses add up FAST, and most of them can't be anticipated. That's what I've learned from living on my own! I know people in their mid-20s who still live at home and they just can't understand how much different it is!


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## RowdyAndMalley (Aug 9, 2010)

AnaPanda said:


> Ohh my, that list is quite long.
> 
> However, it will just be me by myself, and a cat. I don't use much electricity -- no night lights, rarely watch tv/movies, rarely use water unless to flush toilets or shower, because I'm a hand sanitizer person.
> I don't eat much, so I'd probably only go shopping once or twice a month.
> ...


Hunny, I'm sorry but you are severly underestimating the costs of being a RESPONSIBLE adult. We live at home with my parents (saving to buy a home), my parents dont ask for rent or utilities and our monthly budget (food, gas, groceries, stuff for the kitties, and misc) still runs about 1200. 18 dollars will not pay for a months worth of food or even a weeks worth. I know you really really want a kitty, but you are in for a rude awakening. Just by reading this thread I do not think you are emotionally ready for the responsibility of pet ownership. I do not mean to sound harsh at all, but bringing an animal into an environment that it is going to be forced to live in a small room (or like your dogs be forced to live there lives outside in the cold) is not the right thing to do for the animal. You have to think about what is best for the cat not what is best for you. You have to be selfless and understand that now is not the time for you to own a kitty or move out on your own... your just not ready


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

I just realised your Chihuahua are outdoor pets, and I have to say I do not think that is right. I'm kind of shocked your family would purchse Chihuahua as pets knowing they are going to be living outside. Even if they are brought in when it hits freezing, a Chihuahua should be brought inside _long_ before it gets that cold.

Some dogs can be outdoor pets, the Husky, German Shepherd... the types of dogs made for colder climates with coats that can give them the insulated protection they need for the climate changes... but _not_ a Chihuahua, not even if they are the long haired variety.

A lot of people think "they're dogs, they can live outside... like the wolf" but that simply is not true. Dogs can freeze to death just like people, and become unhealthy due to their living conditions. Dogs have very unique DNA and as a result people are able to "play God" with them, allowing dog breeds to come into existance that simply aren't meant to live outside. The Chihuahua is such a dog, they are domesticated and meant for indoor living, 100%.

As for getting a cat, I don't think you should bring one into the enviroment you're living in. I think you should spend more time with your dogs, dogs are pack animals and love to be with their people. They aren't called "man's best friend" for nothing. Maybe you could talk your dad into allowing the dogs into your bedroom when you're home, instead of getting a cat?


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

My dad won't change with the dogs, because they've been grown up outside since they were less than a year old, and they'll be 5 years old in just a few months.

I can't take them with me if I move, because the price for EACH pet is around $50 in our local apartments. Even if the rent won't cost me anything because I have no job, I still have to fork out money for the electricity, internet and food. My mom would be helping me, but still, that's what I'll have to be paying.

My grandma said she might be moving to another apartment area soon, and asked me if I wanted to come along. My mom argued and said "Well, what if Ana wants to live alone, mom?" -- my grandma asked, and I told her I didn't mind, whatever is fine. However, if I lived with her, paying for things would be easier.


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## paperbacknovel (Jun 9, 2010)

Well, how many Chihuahuas are yours, and how many are your sister's? 

I would at least take one, since you were planning on having a pet anyway. Get at least one out of that bad situation. They should not be outside. Dogs are great buddies. Cats are wonderful, but I also miss my dog (who still lives with my parents- she's a family dog).


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## suwanee (Jan 22, 2011)

Ana,

Many of us have trouble making friends, and feel that others should take the initiative to call us. But you have to make friendship happen. Join a social network of some kind - like a book club or a sewing club or take some class that is fun, not just educational. Is there something you can do nearby? If not, then start walking on a regular basis. Exercise helps a lot with depression and anxiety. You will meet people just by being outdoors, and you will get outside of yourself.

Another thing that will help a lot is to change your diet. If you are living on cereals and oatmeal and breads, you are causing a nutrition deficiency - which leads to depression and anxiety. Eat more veggies and fruit, dairy, nuts: stay away from excessive sugar and caffeine. These things are all adding to your problem. 

Feel free to private message me if you want. I am worried about your state of mind, and I think exercise and nutrition will heal many of your problems. I've been where you are, and there is hope.


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

One chihuahua is mine, one is my sisters. If they are separated, they cry for one another. They are brother and sister, so they've been with one another since day one.
I talked to my mom about taking my dog (Kyo) with me, but she said that both the dogs would become depressed without one another, so therefore, I can't take them. Besides, they're used to being outside. My dog Kyo HATES being inside unless it's freezing cold out. He will NOT come in unless he's terribly cold.

And yes, I do eat my nutrition bars, that include nuts and dried fruits. I have my milk that I eat with my cereal and cheese that I eat with my sandwiches. I don't really drink that much soda, I usually stick to just water.

I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medicine, I have been for a while.. along with my daily vitamins. I also exercise almost daily, so, I'm doing okay health-wise.


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## suwanee (Jan 22, 2011)

Good! Glad to hear you're getting some exercise. It sounded like you stayed indoors in your room all day. And it sounds like all you need is some veggies and fruit.

Of course, when I was 19 I pretty much lived on sugar, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine. So I know that it is different when you're young, and your body is much more resilient. Only as I became older and wanted to get off the meds did I make an effort to eat healthy foods and stay away from the bad stuff. It makes me mad that doctors prescribe anti-this and anti-that when all I needed was exercise, healthy food, and self-acceptance.:grin:


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Well, for me, it's hereditary. My mom and my mom's mom has anxiety and depression.
If I try to slack off of my medications, I get VERY anxious, and slowly slip into anxiety again, so.. I don't know when I'll be able to pull myself off of my medication.


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

_*AnaPanda*_, I want to tell you my experiences of having a cat confined to a small room. I bred cats for a long time, and my stud room was a small room with large windows facing west at one end that looked out on our driveway, and smaller windows facing south that could be opened that looked out on ground level to a backyard of lawn and trees and shrubs (birds), so my stud always had something interesting to look out on to see the activity, and lots of sunshine. It had a small sofa, table and cat trees. Over the years I only kept one stud, but had quite a few over the many years of breeding. Some I leash-trained and walked our property on nice days. All of my studs were _moderately active_, _calm temperaments, outgoing and affectionate_. This may not have worked as well as it did if they had been a more hyper active breed. All of them were perfectly happy and content in the stud room and didn't pine to get out in to the rest of the house. Sometimes they had the company of kittens, or spays. They always had the company of females at night as I didn't give them full run of the house then. Some studs I kept a couple of months, if he was "on loan", others were kept an average of 2-3 years before they were neutered and kept as a pet, or were rehomed. One stayed for 6 yrs. in the stud room, before being neutered and rehomed. All of them made a very good transition to being "just a pet" after they were rehomed. So don't feel that a cat cannot be kept in a small room. It can. Some cats are in shelter or rescues for a year in a small cage---certainly not ideal! It really depends on _the room---windows, sunlight, fresh air._


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## AnaPanda (Feb 23, 2011)

Okay, thanks.


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## paperbacknovel (Jun 9, 2010)

suwanee said:


> Good! Glad to hear you're getting some exercise. It sounded like you stayed indoors in your room all day. And it sounds like all you need is some veggies and fruit.
> 
> Of course, when I was 19 I pretty much lived on sugar, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine. So I know that it is different when you're young, and your body is much more resilient. Only as I became older and wanted to get off the meds did I make an effort to eat healthy foods and stay away from the bad stuff. It makes me mad that doctors prescribe anti-this and anti-that when all I needed was exercise, healthy food, and self-acceptance.:grin:


I would be really careful about suggesting that antidepressants can be totally replaced by "exercise, healthy food, and self-acceptance." I know you mean well and are trying to help, but depression and other mental illnesses are serious medical issues caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Diet and exercise may work for some people (the same way that sometimes holistic medicine cures cancer), but most people with an illness do need medication for it. Definitely lots of fresh fruit and veggies (energy bars don't count!), exercise, etc. are great and they help, but many people have serious illnesses that need to be medicated just as someone with diabetes needs their insulin/pills.

Mental illnesses are hard enough without others suggesting (however well-meant) that if they just change their lifestyle, they could fix their depression.


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