# Emptyness



## hishighness (Apr 16, 2009)

I lost my beautiful Fluffer cat on January 14th of this year, I posted an excerpt from my personal diary on Facebook about this terrible experience and I'd like to share it with all of you here.



> I signed the papers to order the euthanasia. We all said our goodbyes in massive tears, and the doctor brought the syringe in. They had an IV set up in him so she didn't have to inject him again. I grabbed his right paw and held it, and she stuck the needle in the IV, and just like that in 2 seconds his head went down and that was it. I was surprised by how quick it was, I thought he would get sleepy and then pass out but it was almost instantaneous. I remember feeling kind of cheated by that. It's not that I wanted him to linger longer in death or anything but I lost him a few seconds before I was ready to, I did get to say goodbye but still I felt cheated. It's not really rational it's just how I felt. When his head went down his face went in to the towel that he was wrapped in and I remember thinking on instinct that I wanted to hold his head up so he could breathe, but of course he wasn't ever going to breathe again. The doctor checked for a pulse and told us there was none.
> 
> Fluffer was dead.
> 
> ...


In the days that followed I remember having pangs of guilt about the euthanasia. I support euthanasia for humans but it's still a hard decision to have to make. The rational side of me knows that it was the right thing to do, but Fluffer looked fine on the outside. I trust the vet when they told me how sick he really was, but the irrational side of my brain sees this outwardly healthy looking cat and sees me signing the papers to euthanize and lays guilty feelings on me.

I'd never heard the Rainbow Bridge story before, but after this Facebook posting a friend of mine sent it to me and it really helped a lot. I'm not a religious person, I'm Agnostic so I don't really know what awaits us and our furry friends, but I hope I get to see him again, along with all those I've lost.


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## Leazie (Apr 14, 2007)

That was one of the most poignant postings that I have ever read. I am so, so sorry that your Fluffer passed. 

(((HUGS))) to you.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Yes. I am choked up, too.

Here is something that has helped me:
I know that our pets do not live as long as we do. So, for as long as they shall live, I will love and care for them. When they pass on, I will honor the life/love they shared with me and keep it alive by always remembering, and loving and caring for as many _more_ cats for _their_ lifetimes, _throughout my own lifetime_.


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## katlover13 (Apr 15, 2008)

I think you have put into words the feelings that we all have felt when we have had to go through the same thing. 
Thank you for sharing.


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