# How can I accept/like new cat?



## ezmeray (Nov 8, 2012)

I love cats of course. But, after getting a new adult cat, I feel like I can't really bond with, or really like all that much, since she isn't my old cat.. I'm not sure if I'm really comparing her to Peace, but just Peace was so special and had such a unique personality (feisty up to the final day) and was very clever (this cat does not seem to be).. compared to her, this new cat is quite dull. She's a nice little cat. Uses the litter box, doesn't get into things she shouldn't, etc., and is nice looking, but I just am not really feeling anything special for her. And then it just makes me miss Peace all that much more. I don't know if I just need to give it more time, at this point it's making me feel quite apathetic. Naturally I'm caring for her properly (2x day litter cleaning, fresh water, good food, brushing, toys, etc.), but beyond that I don't feel much.


----------



## JungliBillis (Mar 20, 2013)

Well you are still mourning Peace. You can't help but compare the new cat to the special cat you just lost. Give it time. The new cat just got there. She hasn't even adjusted and shown you her true personalities. You will not have a strong bond with this cat instantly, and she may never be as special as Peace, but I am sure she will be special in her own way, if you give her a chance 

What is her name? and can we see pics of her?


----------



## SamSim (Oct 7, 2012)

I feel the same way sometimes about my new cat Fynn. Although he is a nice cat, he is nothing like my little Meenu. He is also not as much of a snuggler as I would like him to be. This makes it difficult for me personally to feel like Im bonding at all to him. Lately I've been pretty protective of Meenu with Fynn since Meenu has just gotten dental surgery and I mean JUST gotten it (shes still at the vets now!), so when he gets playful with her and she runs off I find I get defensive and peeved with him. But really it's no fault of his.

I believe if you give it time you will grow a bond with with your new cat. I think one of the key things you said was "I feel like I can't really bond with, or really like all that much, *since she isn't my old cat..*". Just remember that, no, no matter how much we wish to have that same bond and connection with all our cats that we had with that one "special" cat in our lives, the cats we have in the future will not compare. And that is because, well, they arent supposed to I think. This new girl won't be your old cat, but that doesn't mean she cant be your cat, that she wont show devotion and love to you, and it doesnt really mean shes any "worse" or "not as good" as your old cat (not saying that thats what your saying AT ALL). It's a different type of connection that you two will make together.

I think I know what your feeling because I dread it everyday. Meenu has been that special girl in my life. She is the cat that I have bonded with and become closer to than any other cat I've lived with, and I cherish every moment I have with her because I know one day she will be gone and I will not get that feeling again with another cat unless I am lucky. But I am okay with that. It's just a new friendship, a new way of communicating, and a new bond to build up on.

I have a feeling you had your old cat for a long time. Remember how long you had her, and how short of a time you've had your new cat in comparison. It will take time, but I think it can be done.

Good luck


----------



## Jkitty (Aug 8, 2013)

My husband had similar problems adjusting to our first cat, Flick. It took him about 3 months to begin realizing how wonderful he is but now they are truly best buds, and my husband would do anything for his kitty (I like to think I converted him to the dark side with my love of cats, hehe). He is going through the same struggle now with our new kitten. I think it just takes some time for you and your new kitty to feel each other out, but I'm sure it will happen  Good luck!


----------



## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

I haven't always felt the same about each cat over the years. I always just try to know them best I can and allow them to be themselves. When you are mourning a past friend, it is not always easy to open your heart to another. In my case, I adopted these cats with an aging dog. I didn't really enjoy the cats but I am loving and caring to all animals. Less than an year after I adopted the cats, my dog passed. My daughter once said, "the reason you talk that way about the cats is because you wish that they could be your dog." It's true, I had 16 years of close friendship with my small devoted dog. I am still mourning and I miss him and wish he was back. I didn't even see these cats grow up. One of the cats is a pretty good companion and hangs with me a lot. I appreciate her more each day. Try to see your new cat as an individual and you may grow to enjoy the small subtlety of his personality. Time together is what makes for more intimate feelings. I hope time helps.


----------



## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

I think the best way to accomplish this is to try and stop comparing this new kitty - which I noticed you didn't even address by her name - to Peace. New Kitty is a separate entity with her own likes, dislikes and desires. She certainly will not be the same as Peace but it is up to you to go the extra step. Have you tried to entice her onto your lap? Have you told her how beautiful she is, or how special, or how happy you are she is with you??? Do you even have those feelings for her at all? If not, then I would try and address YOUR attitude. New Kitty will come around to a loving caregiver. If you act somewhat disinterested she will sense this.

There was a study done once with orphans in Russia. The caregivers gave the babies the basic care they needed - just what you are doing - but nothing more. No cuddles, no loving, no feelings. Just food, water and shelter. One by one they perished. Living things - including domesticated animals, will only really thrive on displays of love and true affection. Try giving some.


----------



## maggie23 (Mar 10, 2012)

i'm so sorry you haven't formed an immediate bond with you new kitty yet. i understand as well what a tough thing that is, but i do hope time together with her will help you open your heart to her. perhaps she feels you are not ready for a close relationship again yourself and is holding back a little. animals can be amazingly sensitive to our own feelings sometimes, so who knows? give her a chance, though. i'm sure you will both grow to love each other in your own way. 1st loves are unique and can never be duplicated exactly. But then again, that is not something any of us should ever want to do, is it? Otherwise that 1st love wouldn't be so special anymore. 2nd, 3rd, 4th loves, etc... will all be good too. just different. :luv Love, live and laugh. Enjoy life and be happy! it's all good.


----------



## ezmeray (Nov 8, 2012)

Oh I've definitely been giving her attention, she loves being petted. If you hold your hand palm down above her up (up to a foot), she'll go up on her hind legs to rub her face against it. She's not quite used to a house schedule, as far as nighttime being for sleeping, but I suppose that'll improve with time. 

Anyway, the shelter gave her the name Gypsy, since she had been a stray and no one knew where she came from. Yet, she was already spayed and declawed. The latter I wouldn't do to a cat, but it shows she had a home at one point. Her estimated age is 8 ish. Below are pictures.


----------



## ezmeray (Nov 8, 2012)

Oh, as far as the name, I'm not decided if I'm going to keep the name she was given at the shelter.. but, I'm *horrible* at naming animals.. any suggestions?


----------



## cinderflower (Apr 22, 2012)

harmony.

she's very cute. how long has it been since you lost peace?


----------



## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Oh...she looks so sweet! Pretty girl!
Thank you for giving her a home! De-clawing cats, to me, is akin to cruelty, poor
baby...
I know she'll never be your dear 'Peace,'
but
it also is so obvious that she is reaching out
to you...
She's been through a lot I'm sure, and is
also looking for some kind 'mending'...
I hope you can help each other to heal...
I'm sure that ' Peace' would approve...
Prayers and Hugs ♡♡♡


----------



## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

She is very pretty but with sad eyes. PLEASE try cuddling and going out of your way to show affection to her. It sounds like you both need it. I love the name Harmony. You could call her Moni for short. Or how about Amity (synonym for Peace)- Ami for short.


----------



## katrina89 (Jul 30, 2013)

Wow it sounds like she hasn't been able to trust humans much... maybe you two can help eachother heal

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## JungliBillis (Mar 20, 2013)

Aww she is very pretty! Hmm I don't know how I feel about "Gypsy" either. She doesn't look very gypsy-ish to me hahaha.


----------



## cinderflower (Apr 22, 2012)

Marcia said:


> She is very pretty but with sad eyes. PLEASE try cuddling and going out of your way to show affection to her. It sounds like you both need it. I love the name Harmony. You could call her Moni for short. Or how about Amity (synonym for Peace)- Ami for short.


amity was the first one I thought of, except then I thought "Amityville horror."


----------



## JungliBillis (Mar 20, 2013)

HAHAHA you're making me laugh in every thread, cinderflower.

Amityville Horror would be bad! Murderous kitty


----------



## ezmeray (Nov 8, 2012)

Hmm, I thought of Amityville Horror as well when I read that.. which actually makes it more of a fun name.. or at least I think so..

I don't really think her eyes are sad, I think that's just the way they look? Here she is on my bed last night, her eyes look less so here I think..


----------



## dt8thd (Jan 7, 2013)

She's beautiful, and, you're right, not a "Gypsy". I have a really hard time thinking of names that suit a cat from just a photograph--I find that I have to be face to face with them to really know if a particular name "clicks" or not. The first name that popped into my head when I saw her picture was "Matilda" though, for whatever it's worth. I hope you and she are able to bond soon; I'm sure she's happy to have found a forever home with you.


----------



## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Perhaps 'Angel' (she might be a little one,
sent to help...)
I lost five kitties within about 7 months, this while moving to new home as well...
2 kitties to cancer, 2 kitties to stomatitis
and one to old age...
It left only little Peaches, she had lost her
two favorite cuddle buddies...
We had a very sad new house needless to
say...
One day I get a call from my vet, they had
a kitten that needed a home.
I said yes, sight unseen! I went to get her
and she was a little calico.
I brought her home and Peaches adopted
her right off! 
I called our new one Precious, because she
brought precious life back into ours!

Peaches (left) Precious (right)


----------



## Lotu (Apr 26, 2013)

Giving her a name that brings you joy could help  Lovey? Cuddles? Precious? 
What drew you to her? It is so wonderful that you adopted an 8 year old. She is pretty.


----------



## asnnbrg (Mar 26, 2013)

She is stunning.

We lost our elderly cat about a month ago, and we adopted three new kittens into our family. It's been an adjustment. Sometimes a kitten'll do something Pi used to do, and the pain is so sharp that it feels like we just lost her all over again.

I also want to encourage you to just let yourself heal and feel whatever you need to feel. You'll develop a different, but I'm sure equally special in its own way, bond with your new girl. But you'll never forget your other cat.

Our hearts grow with each new opportunity to love. Your heart is both healing and growing right now, and it'll take time.


----------



## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

_If only she knew I'm on best behavior now that I'm new! She'll know with time how feisty I really am. Chuckle, chuckle._ _Then again, all of us cats behave nicely at the beginning till we have them around our little toe_ ---- Harmony


----------



## ezmeray (Nov 8, 2012)

Straysmommy said:


> _If only she knew I'm on best behavior now that I'm new! She'll know with time how feisty I really am. Chuckle, chuckle._ _Then again, all of us cats behave nicely at the beginning till we have them around our little toe_ ---- Harmony


haha yeah my father was joking and talking as the cat about how all the other shelter cats had given her instructions on how to act, about being sweet and quiet, etc. upon getting adopted.

But she's doing great and I am definitely increasingly fond of her. She's such a sweetheart, even if not the world's brightest cat by any meaning. After taking her to the vet, she gave an estimated age of around 4-5 years only. So, I'm not totally sure what age to go with.. since I had been told: 7, 8, 9.. and now 4-5.. sooo.. who knows. Also, she weighed in at a bit over 6 lbs, apparently all that fluffiness disguised her smallness. 

I'm actually adopting a second cat, tomorrow most likely. I quite like her and she's been in the shelter for nearly a year and is about the same age as Gypsy. Well, 6 yrs that is, so averaging out the proposed ages, I'm assuming it's around the same. It'll be odd having more than one cat. I suppose I'll have to actually call them by their respective names then (as opposed to kitty, etc).


----------



## Blakeney Green (Jan 15, 2013)

How long have you had your new cat? It sounds like not very long, if you haven't chosen a name yet, so this sounds... normal... to me. The arrival of a new family member is an adjustment, not just for the cat but for the human. It takes time for a bond to form. I think you just need to give it time.

I had a pretty hard time bonding with Maisie at first - but six years out, our bond is really good. It just took us time to get used to each other. 

Love at first sight doesn't always happen, but that doesn't mean you will never love. It just means you need to take time to nurture the relationship on its own terms.

Congrats on your new kitties! But at the same time, my sympathies on your loss.

Personally, although all the names suggested here are lovely, I would actually avoid something too match-y with Peace's name, because I think you need to encourage yourself to think of the new kitties as separate from Peace so you can appreciate them as individuals and not subconsciously look to them to fill the same role. A cat can never be replaced, but you can form a new bond that is just as good. Hang in there.


----------



## gizmothecat (Jun 26, 2013)

JungliBillis said:


> Well you are still mourning Peace. You can't help but compare the new cat to the special cat you just lost. Give it time. The new cat just got there. She hasn't even adjusted and shown you her true personalities. You will not have a strong bond with this cat instantly, and she may never be as special as Peace, but I am sure she will be special in her own way, if you give her a chance
> 
> What is her name? and can we see pics of her?


SOOOO agree! Give it time....you are trying to compare 2 different cats....even littermates are different in personality...she will show you...maybe you haven't noticed because your looking at other things. She came to you for a reason 

I admit...Marshall is soooo quiet!! He's kinda boring too but I enjoy it a bit...he's soooo sweet!!! He has the cutest purrrrrrr when he does talk (only at food time) he sat on my lap for the first time the other day!!! . I can't wait to see in a couple more months how he is..he gets more comfortable every day and I can tell is feeling better...although not playing as much as I would like...or as gizmo would like hahaha. She gets sooo annoyed with him..I just hope she doesn't stop trying. He's a bit slow hahaha. Give her a chance!!!


----------



## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

Thank you for the update, ezmeray! When I first took Prince in, he'd ask for permission to jump up onto the bed to join me at night. A friend warned me it wouldn't last. Indeed, FF 2.5 years - I have to beg him to let me work on the computer a few minutes, and he makes a fuss about having to move from the keyboard. LOL


----------



## gizmothecat (Jun 26, 2013)

Hahahaha gizmo will lay on my hand when I'm on my laptop..of course the hand that's working the mouse...grrrrs


----------



## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

Oh I hadn't realized that lying on the mouse was on purpose!


----------



## cinderflower (Apr 22, 2012)

ezmeray said:


> Hmm, I thought of Amityville Horror as well when I read that.. which actually makes it more of a fun name.. or at least I think so..
> 
> I don't really think her eyes are sad, I think that's just the way they look? Here she is on my bed last night, her eyes look less so here I think..


i'm the kind of person who would name a cat Amityville Horror but i'm just like that. then she might feel like she has to live up to her name. I actually have to call the two boys_ monstro_ on a fairly regular basis.

if you get one more (plus the second) you could name them gypsy, tramp and thief.


----------

