# Goodbye to my best friend (with story)



## Patrick31 (Sep 2, 2015)

I put my cat ***** down on Monday at 9:23AM PST because of Pancreatis cancer. Here is the story of before we met, then how we met (not the best at grammar). I lost my last cat to FIP at 4 years old (i got him at 2 years old), then i grieved, put the ashes in the china cabinet with my dogs ashes. He was my first cat. So now i am with my dad looking for a new cat. I enter the SPCA and look at the dog section first because i love dogs the most, cats after. I'm not looking to buy a dog because my neighbours have brought mice and rats to my area for years. I then have to go sanitize my hands because i was in the dog area heading to the cat area. 

Ok, so now i am in the cat area and looking around, i'm not jiving with any of these cats at all, they are cute and all but i don't have this "connection" to them that i can feel...i was wanting to be pulled to a cat. I was about to head out the door and come back another day, i'm half way through the door and i all of a sudden hear this cat meowing. I can hear a cat pulling me, calling me to come over to him and he was pretty far away and through a door outside in the closed off area. I walk backwards and follow where this pulling is coming from, as i open this door this 2 year old domestic shorthaired black cat is meowing at me for attention, i go up close and we are both rubbing our heads all over eachother's heads, the SPCA person is like "awww, looks like the cat has picked you", although i think we picked eachother. We get the cat and bring him home, he gets on my bed and we constantly rub our heads on eachothers heads as a sign of affection.

I eventually leave my dads place to live with a guy i worked with for 3 years, but that was a year and a half after i got the cat. We are not as close anymore. I move back home 3 years later on August 1st 2014, the cat is now just over 6 and a half years old, we don't have that strong bond anymore since he's not a kitty anymore and i left for 3 years but it's still somewhat there. Now summer 2015 is starting and my cats starting to get slower and i figure "he's 7 and a half years old so of course he will get slower", then eventually in July he's getting even more slower and, he's starting to not eat his dry food anymore so i go online and start researching why he's doing this, then i read they get bored of the same stuff all the time so i'm like "well that is probably it", so i get him the wet stuff and he only eats wet food now and always ignores the dry stuff. Who wouldn't get bored of eating the same stuff over and over again? but he loved his stuffed morsels friskies dry food for several bags.

Alright, now he's drinking less...internet sites say that's ok because wet food gives them their water they need aswell. Now he's really not doing a whole lot...the poor guy used to ALWAYS sleep on my bed and move around, he barely moves around and noticed several days of him doing this now so it's time he visits the vets. He's also lost a LOT of weight and has a body back and both his leg muscles are fading). So we go to the vets and he gets his blood work done. No cancers, diseases, etc etc found but he was low on everything but not alarmingly low, just low. She gives us a diet for him with steroid pills and noticed his leg muscles were low and every year he's been losing weight but not enough to be worried. My dad always did the checkups with the cat while i was at work. The guy is in perfect health aswell. Like his teeth, gums, etc. 20 days later we go back to vets because it was a 21 day thing, now the cat is barely moving, always laying down and never does anything but he still loves to eat his wet food!

Last time she checked him for lumps and stuff and never found anything, now 20 days later she found a HUUUUUUUGE mass inside him, like the size of a brick in just 20 days? cat's lost 2 pounds and is now sitting at 2 pounds, back is really boney and his ribs are really bony, but his stomach is all puffy like it's all bloated. She says it looks like panacreatis cancer. She can do surgery but the cat was sooooo weak that we all knew he would die on the table so that was out of the option, she can do xrays but if she found it's spread to his lungs she will refuse to do the surgery, he's pretty much done at that point. Last option was...you guessed it, to put him down. The cat had the scardest look on his face out of nowhere, i could not pick what to do so she let us take him home one last time and think about it, so later that day i scheduled for him to be.....UGH!!! put down.  She put stuff down his throat so he eats for 2-3 days. So for those 3 days i got to spend with him a LOT of time, even though i am pretty sure i bugged him. I sang him random sad songs about my feelings for him while i cried.

His final day i got out of bed, never slept a wink the whole night, just incase i did i set 8 alarms all 1 minute apart so i don't miss missing out being around him. I spent his last 4 hours with him, even filmed him on my phone his last 2 hours, i even carried him before we left to show him around the house 1 last time, every room. I refused to cage him going to the vets or at all, so he got to stay in the truck with me in the back seat the whole ride uncaged (we left the cage at home), i carried him inside and to that EVIL room. Then he got his first shot, about to faceplant so i help him lay down facing us as he goes onto whatever happens when we die, starts licking a little and staring at me, then the second needle happens  and we just stare at eachother real close as he breathes his last breath....i cried for 10 minutes HARD, then 15 minutes after i spent with my head next to his petting him, my head laying on the table with our eyes staring at eachother, although i was staring at his lifeless eyes, even giving him kisses.

I did not eat for 2 days.....once i found out about him i even stopped working out, i normally excercise 4-5 days a week. I havn't in almost a week, i'm starting to eat garbage food again and drink things i said i was giving up, like i have not drank pop in 5 months. I been drinking a bunch of that and eating out a lot before i stopped eating for 2 days. I've just given up. I wish i could have taken his pain away and i will be the one suffering the pain even though the vet said he was in no pain when going through this.

That is the story of how i met my best friend, our relationship although i didn't do a whole lot of explaining knowing this will be long anyway, and how i lost my best friend. Now i hope i can see him again when i die. I miss him so much, i got his ashes today but it's so hard not seeing him here.

Good bye *****! I LOVE YOU!!!


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Patrick,
I am sharing in your tears:'(
The Hardest Gift of Love, we have to give, our beloved companions, is letting them Free, to Fly to The Bridge...
We take on the pain, so they can be pain free, and at peace...
(((HUGS))) and understanding, for you, at this very painful time...
***** will be waiting for you...
Sharon


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## Jenny bf (Jul 13, 2013)

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. Your boy sand you had such a lovely start and you were with him at the end so he knew love from you and your dad. Try to think of the good memories you had and that now he is not in pain or discomfort so you gave him that final relief and gift


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## DebS (Jun 14, 2015)

I'm so sorry for your loss and your heartache, Patrick. I lost my Sabrina a few months ago and I know the pain. I hope you can find peace in the knowledge that you gave ***** a wonderful life. He was lucky to be yours.


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## Arianwen (Jun 3, 2012)

So sorry for your your loss.


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## Patrick31 (Sep 2, 2015)

Thanks guys. Still hard to believe he's gone and it's been 3 days....i talk to my voice memo app on my iphone and use it as an EVP and try talking to him, although i know EVP's are not real but it would be cool to think i hear him meowing at me. I'll post his picture up a little later. It's so crazy watching them just have their life extinguished before your very own eyes. Was getting frusterated on Monday after he was put down because i said out loud "But i JUST SAW HIM MOVING AROUND!", but no more....atleast he did not suffer. I would feel like a piece of crap if i just let him suffer because i could not let him go. It's not about ME, it's about HIM.


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## howsefrau32 (Mar 6, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story made me cry. I know how special he was to you.


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## eldercat (Jul 3, 2015)

> I would feel like a piece of crap if i just let him suffer because i could not let him go. It's not about ME, it's about HIM.


 You are so right. Well done and a hard job but you did it. In a day or so you can straighten out your act and get back to the healthy diet and your exercise and move on, knowing you did exactly what you had to do. Mourning takes time, everyone has their own way. Much sympathy on your loss.


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## jking (Feb 22, 2014)

Patrick, 

I am so sorry for your loss. I cried too as I read your story. I know the pain you are feeling and you have my sympathy.

Judy


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Patrick, 
There is no right, or wrong time frame...when dealing with such a loss...
***** won't want you locked in grieving forever...and may well guide you to another needy little one...be open to that, and know *****...may just have a 'paw' in that meeting....
(((HUGS)))
Sharon


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## evince (Mar 9, 2015)

Sharing tears with you Patrick. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. I know that ***** felt how much you love him and miss him, he was a special kitty. Sending hugs and comforting vibes your way.


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## Patrick31 (Sep 2, 2015)

Here is my friend. The first one his eyes are stealing your soul, the 2nd one he was looking up at Da Bird. When he wanted to play he would constantly look at you, then look up, back to you, up, to you, etc.

Imgur: The most awesome images on the Internet

Imgur: The most awesome images on the Internet


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Awwwww Patrick, ***** is/was Adorable, I love black cats...
Sharon


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## Patrick31 (Sep 2, 2015)

As he got older, the more white appeared on him. When i got him i swear he was all black. The woman that put a blanket over him and carried him was saying awww to his paws, they were getting white at the tips. Also if you zoom into the first picture that white is his lip, the 2nd picture is his lip and one of his fangs. He had the cutest fangs. People tried taking pictures of it when he showed them.


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

I just read your story and cried with you. You know you did the unselfish move for your Patrick. RIP Patrick. He is without pain and running free.


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## Patrick31 (Sep 2, 2015)

Thanks. I'm Patrick though. ***** is the name the previous owners gave him, used it for 2 years so no point changing it.


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## spirite (Jul 31, 2012)

I'm so sorry Patrick. He was a stunning cat. I was noticing the tiny patch of white on his chest and thinking how sweet it was, then I read your post about the little white on his lip and the little fangs. So cute. I have lost two kitties, but I haven't had to make that terrible decision that you and so many others have had to make. If and when you're ready to seek out another kitty who might be calling you, ***** will be guiding you, remembering how he first met you. Sending hugs.


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## Patrick31 (Sep 2, 2015)

It's so BRUTAL! i've had so many panic attacks...i still find it so hard to let go. I just had a pain race through my chest and anxiety just because i randomly saw the image of his stomach stop moving. What i would not give for just 1 more day to hold him again...**** YOU CANCER!!!:x I loved that guy so much.


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## spirite (Jul 31, 2012)

You will always love him, and he knows that. It's been 9 months already since my Margaux passed away, and still, it's hard sometimes to accept that she's really not here. The box with her ashes is on my coffee table, with a framed picture of her on top of the box. What I've found very comforting has been my mini conversation with her every night, telling her that I'm sending her head scratches and chin scratches as I'd promised. And looking at lots and lots of pictures always brings smiles. If it helps, feel free to share more photos and stories of ***** with us.


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## Kaylesh (Aug 22, 2010)

Some furry family members hold a particularly special place in our hearts and souls.. It sounds to me like ***** was that cat for you.

On the 3rd Sept 2014 I came home from work to find my big healthy 15 year old Feadan, curled up and gone over the bridge. My then 14 year old howling beside him.. It was a scene I'll never forget. Feadan was that special bonded cat for me.. A year later and it seems like it was just yesterday. In July i finally felt ready to take another rescue into my life. Spirit has helped but nothing takes away that feeling of loss of a special family member. I still find myself occasionally calling poor Spirit .. Feadan.. and think of Feadan often. Have tons of photos and some video of Feadan that I look at often. He will always hold a very very special place in my heart for lots of reasons. 
It does get easier with time.. but you never ever forget them.. xxx

Sharing stories and feelings about your beloved ***** here is one way to help the grieving process..


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

Thank you for sharing your story....it brought me to tears in sympathy for the loss you feel of your "soul cat". ***** knew your love for him and letting him go was a gift as he would have had great suffering if you had hung onto him much longer. Love is never forgotten and I truly believe that you will see ***** in the spiritual world. 

_"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; unless my pets are there to welcome me."_~ Unknown


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