# For "Feline, Stray - Black"



## Gudewife (Jun 27, 2004)

_Richo suggested I write something here, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought it might be a good idea to put it all into words..._

I'm so sorry.

You came from the side of the road so fast that I couldn't stop, couldn't swerve. I couldn't do anything except hold onto my steering wheel and listen to the sound that every cat-lover dreads. I saw your limp body thrown to the side of the road in my rearview mirror, and I thought that you must be dead. I hit you so hard that I couldn't imagine that you were alive. A big part of me wanted to drive away as fast as I could, because maybe that would make it not real.

But I turned around and went back. I had to know, had to look. You lay in a snowbank, panting little death-pants, scratching feebly once or twice with your front paws, back legs useless and unmoving. I checked your vital signs as well as I could, and they were bad...and you didn't protest, didn't even seem to notice that I was touching you, so deep in shock you were. A little pink patch of blood had collected in the snow by your mouth. I don't know why I didn't cry, maybe I switched into crisis mode. I knocked at the door of the house and asked for a box. The lady who lived there said that you weren't her cat. Maybe I should have looked harder for your owner then, but all I could think about was getting you to a doctor. I padded the box with a warm woolen blanket and carefully lifted you in, then I drove like **** to the nearest vet's office. I remember seeing the white snow on your black fur and worrying that you were cold.

I raced through the front door and said "hit by a car!" to the receptionist. She asked me if I saw the car that hit you, and then I finally started to cry, and said that I had done it. They took you out back to stabilize you while we waited for the vet to arrive. I paced in the waiting room, crying. Finally, the vet came out to talk to me. She said that your legs, pelvis, and back were broken, that there wasn't any hope of healing your injuries, and that you would be in pain until your life was ended. She said that they would take care of everything, and I could go home if I liked. I asked if I could be with you, and the vet led me to the critical care room.

You were so small, draped in a soft blue towel on that big stainless table. The technician held the oxygen mask to your little face, and I watched you struggle to breathe. I looked in your ears and mouth, pushed your fur back to see your skin, felt to see if you were neutered...you weren't, and your ears and teeth needed attention. The vet said that you must be a stray, that you didn't seem to be well taken care of, but all I saw was a beautiful black tomcat with a stray white hair here and there, struggling to stay alive. The vet handed me a clipboard with a form for me to sign consenting to euthanasia, and I started to cry again. Your name was simply "Feline, Stray - Black."

You see, I volunteer in an animal shelter, where we do our best to help stray and unwanted animals. Every week, I give names to all kinds of "Feline, Strays," take their pictures, write their biographies, and put them on the internet so they can find forever homes. I clean litterboxes, give food and water, I love, cuddle, and play with the cats no one wants. I worry when they're sick, rejoice when they're adopted, and cry when they go over Rainbow Bridge. And now, after trying so hard to keep the throwaway cats alive, I stand here preparing to send you over the bridge. I don't understand how this happened.....

I signed the form. You were in so much pain that I couldn't let you keep hurting like that with no hope of recovery.

The vet gently injected the solution into your IV line. I stroked you, said how sorry I was, kissed your fur as your breathing shuddered briefly and then went still as you set your paws firmly on the bridge. As I stroked your shoulder one last time, the vet stroked mine. She knew about the cats at the shelter, and she seemed to know how badly I felt, and tried to comfort me as she walked me to the door. I went back to where I first saw you, and I knocked on doors trying to find your home, but though everyone had seen you, no one seemed to know where you came from.

I have a cat at home, too, Assumpta. Like you, everyone had seen her, but no one knew where she came from or why she was here. I love her and I don't know what I'd do without her. Last night, I dreamed that I hit you again, but when I went back, it was Assumpta's body that lay broken and bleeding in the snow. You deserved better, you deserved someone to love you the way that I love Assumpta. I don't know why she found a home and you found only the blinding pain of a car bumper and the quick release of a lethal injection. I wish I knew why, because then it would be easy to find loving homes for all the unfortunate cats. All I do know is that I am so sorry that I was responsible for ending your life so brutally and abruptly, and I hope that you will forgive me from your sunspot in the field on the other side of the bridge. There's another black kitty there named Moonshadow who broke my heart when she left the shelter for Rainbow Bridge, and I hope she met you and led you the rest of the way. 

Tell her I love her, and know that I love you, too.


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## LoveMyKitties (Nov 12, 2004)

I know that you are very upset and are blaming yourself about this accident, but it was an accident and you did what really matters. You stayed with the kitty and you took him to get help. Not everyone would do that.

I am so sorry......goodbye little black kitty.


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## spacemonkey (Aug 12, 2004)

That was beautiful  

Even if you weren't there, at that place in time, someone else probably would have. And they might not have done all that you did for that cat.


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## jessamica8 (Aug 17, 2004)

That is a very moving tribute.  I know the whole situation must hurt, but like everyone else here, I pray you know this is not your fault. I'm so glad you were there to humanely and lovingly accompany this cat through it's last hours and end it's pain quickly; at least it was not left to suffer alone in that snowbank. I'm sure you'll meet him again some day.


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## Megan1216 (Nov 28, 2004)

*I am almost crying!*

I am almost crying over that sad touchy story. But you did all that you could. You were there for that little black kitty. Some people might have said "It's just a cat. Everyday cats get hit. Something was probably wrong with it anyway" and that isn't what you did. Goodbye little black kitty! Someday, you will meet again. Catlover_2004.


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## Lori (Jun 8, 2003)

What a beautiful tribute. Goodbye, black kitty.


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## gellyutopia (Apr 30, 2004)

He died knowing that someone did love and care about him. Though it was a shame that you both connected through a tragedy, the end remains that he died knowing that someone loved him.


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## MA (Mar 30, 2004)

Your feelings come through your words in your story so strong it really moved me to tears. I'm so sorry but bless you to show love and attention to the poor little black stray cat to the very end. At least he had you there to comfort him to the end.


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## ~Kitty~ (Jan 2, 2005)

Spuzz, CatzRule and i r crying, seriously. that poor cat. i couldnt bear the fact that u killed a cat. its such a sad story, ill be crying all night.


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## HAILEY (Jan 23, 2005)

HOW SAD. I CRIED AND CRIED. YOUR ARE AN ANGEL.


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