# Death is too much...



## Ruiner (Apr 18, 2006)

I'll start by saying this is the second time I've had to write this, which makes it all the worse. I can't even really believe that what has happened was real. I guess it really hasn't settled into my mind yet. I've read around this forum and I can really relate to what some of you are saying. I guess that's why I had to find a place like this to let it all out, in hopes that it would ease the pain a little... Just last Friday the 14th, my favorite cat and close friend Missy died... she was 14 years old.

So far life with out her just feels so empty. I can't stop thinking about her. Sure, I could place the blame on myself, my brother, my mom, the vet... anyone really. But it's no one's fault, but I just can't accept it. She was by no means the first cat I've lost, not by far. I've lost at least 10 in the past. But she was the most painful and difficult to let go of. She of all the cat's I've had over the years, was always my favorite, and was the only one that has always been there, for as far back as I can remember. We first got her back in 1993 when I was 4 years old, and I'm now 17. I clearly remember the day when a speeding truck pulled up and dropped a box near my driveway. Only for my family and I to discover that it was her in the box, with a litter of kittens. She was part siamese, and a mix of something else we never were really sure of. She was pure black, with a small white patch on her chest. She was already full grown at the time we had took her in... A lot of my childhood memories are of her. I remember how she was so brave in her younger years, chasing dogs out of our yard, and always trying to be protective over us. She was always the most friendly cat, she loved people, and we loved her. She was always the smartest of any cat we've ever had. She would always listen to you, she came when you called her, and was always up for playing if you had a string or toy with you. She could even tell when someone was feeling sad, she would always jump up on your lap to see what was the matter. She wasn't happy, unless you were. A lot of the time, she would start purring as soon as you entered the same room as her. 

Later on, after having her for a few years she developed some sort of cataract in one of her eyes. But it never seemed to bother her. She went on like every other cat would, acting as if she didn't even realize one of her eyes had become completely useless. As she got older over the years, she knew to run from danger, and to always stay near the house. Unlike a lot of my other cats who just suddenly would run way forever, or go get hit by a car on the main road in which we live no where remotely near. But over those last few years, we also kept a watchful eye on her. Making sure of her safety, and made sure she wasn't fighting with the other cats... Because she always hated every other cat she came in contact with, and I didn't blame her...

Everything was completely normal up until a couple of weeks ago. Everyone started noticing how her eye had been worsening more and more recently, compared to how it had been in the last few years. We all kind of decided that it would be best to take her to the vet and have the eye removed. So we did. Last week, my mom took her to the vet and the doctor said that her eye had ruptured and needed to be removed. So she stayed over night at the vet and had the surgery. The doctor said she had done well, and he was impressed by her good health at her age. So we got to bring her home that day. She was to come back in a week to have the stitches removed. The first few days after she came home she was kind of sluggish. But after a few more days she was back to her normal self. Until one day when I came home and found her collapsed on the floor. We helped her to her bed, and she got over it. We had determined that she had a stroke of some sort. But the next day, she was back to normal again. I thought everything was fine. But the day after that I came home and was informed by my mother that she had another problem again. This time it was much more serious, she could not move her back legs, and she was just dragging herself around. I then had a bad feeling about her. I knew something bad was going to happen. I just didn't want to believe it.

I could tell something was seriously wrong with her, because she wasn't herself at all. She wouldn't purr at all. I felt sick that night, and just couldn't accept that I was watching her die. I sat there beside her, petting her and telling her that everything would be alright. I even thought about sleeping in there on the guest bedroom bed with her. A lot was going through my head that night, about how life for me hadn't been quite all that great lately, with my social life deteriorating, abandoning my hobbies, and all the things I once took joy in, I now ignored... I really didn't have much left in my life that I truly loved. Besides my family, I really had nothing. But she was part of my family... she was always there for me. So I sat there, thinking about her. I meant it every bit, when I said to myself that if she was going to die, I wanted to die with her. Since she had always been there with me, I felt she was a part of me. A part of me that was dying, and there was nothing I could do about it. And to my horror, the next morning she died.

I'll never forget the day she passed on. I remember waking up to the sound of the phone ringing. And my mother sobbingly telling someone on the other line that she believed that she had just died a few minutes ago.
I heard her say it. And I came down to see because I just didn't want to believe it. But it was true. I knelt down beside her and petted her, and she I could tell she was no longer alive. My heart sank, and I broke down. I cried nearly all day. Later that evening my dad came home and buried her. We had decided to burry her in a small piece of wooded area that we have in front of our front yard where she always liked to be. We're planning to get her some sort of grave stone to put by her resting place.

And so it's been 4 days now, nearly five since she passed, and I still can't believe she's gone. It hurts so much... And I'd like to think she's in a better place now, and that she knows how much I love her. But no one can say for sure what happens to us when we die.

As for everything else, I'm just disgusted. Totally disgusted with my life, and I can't stand it. Nothing is the same with out her, and I don't want to wake up in the mornings to find she's not here with us. As for the other two cats I currently have, I've already told my parents I'd rather just get rid of them. Because neither of them are half the cat that Missy was. And they don't deserve to out-live her. I don't hate them. It's just that they are nothing like what she was. One, which we have had for about 6 or 7 months is still somewhat of a kitten, and a real jerk of a cat. She doesn't like to be handled, petted, played with or anything. She just runs from people. And the other cat, which we've had for about 2 years is a ill natured, short tempered, half wild cat. Who is part bob-cat and he's just really mean, and only comes around once a day. Neither of these cats could ever fill the void in my heart. And I don't want them to. I never want another can't now that Missy is gone. Because if I don't have them to get attached to in the first place, then I won't have to live knowing I'll face another day of heartache like this again. I just feel so helpless and hurt right now... I don't know what to do. I guess I'll always remember her, and know that she was the best pet and friend I could ever ask for, and maybe one day I'll be with her again. May she rest in peace...

Thanks to anyone who bothered to listen to me. I just had to get this off my shoulders.


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

youve made me cry, my cat died on the 2nd april, i know exacly how you feel, he was 20 when he died, ( http://www.catforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=30768 ) older than me, i loved him more than anything, id have died for that cat, and it really sucks when things stat to look up, just to slaped in the face my another misfortune, i had the same when my cat went to the vet they said he was good, then he got put down the next day, i cried so much, nothing will replace that cat and i wont forget him, it hurts like ****, it really does, im so, so sorry, i know how you feel, its so sad thers nothing you can do, typing thins is making me cry


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

It's so terribly hard. I know that awful feeling in the morning when you wake up and realize it really happened. You're right; no other cat can take Missy's place, but this has happened to me before, and I have found that very special love for a cat again. It might happen only a few times in your life. Unfortunately, I lost my special baby in October, but I am desperately looking for another adult Siamese, hoping to find that kind of connectiion. I hope we find that very special cat again. 

Jezza, I am heartbroken for you, too. I hope both of you find comfort in knowing that someday you will meet your sweet kitties again. For now, they are bringing even more joy to heaven, and are in the arms of Perfect Love.

God bless and comfort you both.


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

yes, true words, i feel empty, everything i once lived for has gone, its so hrad to be motavated now


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## poppypower (Apr 24, 2006)

i am sorry for everyones loss my thoughts and prayers are with you all. i hope that you can find the love for that special cat again one day........


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