# Why don't the neighbours think we own our cat?!



## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

We're very friendly with our neighbours; my family has lived beside them for close to 50 years, but I don't understand how they view our relationship to Blacky. The people that live there seem to be under the impression that Blacky is a wandering cat. It doesn't matter how often we tell them she's our cat. 

On more than one occasion I've heard my neighbours saying Blacky doesn't belong to anyone, every time my father or I have stopped and explained to them that she's our cat, and go on to explain that we feed her, she sleeps on my bed, she spends half her time in our house - way more than half of it in the winter. On top of that, we take her to the vet when needed and give her flea treatments in the summer. They see me frequently carrying her around outside and petting her - only my father and I can approach her outside, likewise she will only walk up to my father and me when she's outside. Yet... they still don't think she's our cat?! We've had her _8 years_! We take her with us on vacation, she follows us on walks! Shouldn't it have sunk in with them by now that we exclusively care for this cat?

One time that stands out to me was a year or two ago, our neighbours had a friend over and as the friend was leaving I was sitting in the font yard calling Blacky over to me. Their friend started with the "Oh a cat!" and my neighbor replied along the lines of "Yeah she hangs out around here. No one really owns her..." Of course this was one of the occasions I told the neighbour Blacky is my cat. Blacky wouldn't have been in the process of walking up to me otherwise! 

I thought she might have had said this due to her friend being there; I'd overheard them earlier talking about outdoor cats and how in this day and age it isn't safe or responsible to have an outdoor cat. I figured after they'd both expressed how bad this was she might be embarrassed that she lives next door to people that have an indoor/outdoor cat. However, various times before that encounter and after it I have heard the neighbours say things about Blacky such as "How's that stray cat?" (why should we know if it isn't ours?) and "Have you seen that black cat around today?" (duh!) and "I wonder if anyone owns her/feeds her?" (... gee, I wonder...) 

This was again expressed in my earshot tonight, I was petting Blacky outside and a relative of theirs was over and spotted the cat, asking our neighbour if it was ours, and they replied "It doesn't really belong to anyone..." Again I chimed in that Blacky was our cat adding that she sleeps on my bed every night. The neighbour replied that she sleeps in their front garden a lot.

I didn't know how to reply to that, their front garden is right beside our house, there isn't even a fence in the front (and in the back it's a very low fence with large spaces between the boards anyway) so to a cat the property boundaries wouldn't mean anything. Our cat is indoor/outdoor - not attached at our hip - she's independent. She likes to sun in their straw there (she's made a nest in it, it's kind of funny), it gives her a little protection from anything trying to look in at her and it's under the overhang of their roof. Sometimes she's even out there in rainy weather... mostly because my aunt is over and she doesn't want to be around my aunt. Anyway, that location in their front garden is one of her daily sleeping spots. Most often if she isn't inside during the day she's sleeping over there, she likes it there. It seems pretty straightforward to me. 

I'm kind of at a loss here and a bit upset that these people don't seem to view us as owners. I'm wondering if anyone here may have some insight to their mindset. What do we need to do to qualify as owners? Do any of you think a cat that spends time outside means no one owns it? Do you think a collar will get it through to them? Since Blacky started out as a semi-feral a collar never entered into things at first and by the time she had comfortably become our cat we knew her personality - she doesn't like collars and she doesn't go any farther than our neighbours front garden, which she likes sleeping in.


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## Sinatra-Butters (Aug 9, 2010)

You are probably right, a collar would convince them. They can't really say Blacky doesn't have a home if the proof is around Blacky's neck. 

Otherwise you might just have to keep repeating yourself. It's like the drunk guy who comes to my pull tab booth everyday and asks for 2 for 1 pull tabs. I have to tell him everyday that that isn't legal and I'll keep doing it until he stops asking...


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

Yeah, I'd put a bright pink collar on her with some tags with your name/number/her name. I'm passive aggressive enough that I might wait until they are out side and make a big show of putting it on her in front of them.


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## BryanOwnee (Feb 21, 2011)

Why do you care what they think? It's your cat, the **** with them


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

BryanOwnee said:


> Why do you care what they think? It's your cat, the **** with them


I mostly agree with this, but for the reason Bad_cancer noted it could be a problem. Also I just can't understand why they don't think we own her, I was hoping someone here might have the dazzling ability to understand why they don't get the message.


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## faithless (Dec 4, 2009)

it seems they are critical of your ownership of her and dont mind you hearing it. When you protest its your cat, they're saying, between the lines, yeah, well, we dont think youre taking care of her. They're saying, yeah we hear you tell us its your cat, but why does it sleep in our garden then?


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## MinkaMuffin (Apr 1, 2011)

I would immediately get her micro-chipped and collared. It would annoy me as well if my neighbors kept referring to my cat as a stray, and knowing my personality, I would confront them and ask directly 'Why do you think this cat is a stray? Have you not Heard me tell you Repeatedly that this is my cat? Stop being disrespectful *&^*%^*^.'
But, in the reality of things, there is probably no way to change their minds, and the biggest worry is not what they think, so much as the real possibility that someone may simply pick her up and take her home.


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## Gabby169 (May 8, 2011)

your neighbors don't get it because they are stupid. There are probably a lot of other logical things they don't get either. 

I agree with the collar thing.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

The reason we've never collared her before is she seriously doesn't go anywhere and she's very street smart, she wants nothing to do with people outside (except me and my father) so there's no way anyone would get close to her without a net in hand, she also avoids cars and never goes near the road. When she's outside she's doing one of four things: sleeping in the neighbors garden, doing her business (pretty sure her main location is in our backyard), following us around if we're outside or sleeping on our enclosed sundeck (there's a dog/cat door to get to it from outside that she uses). I can almost count the number of times on my hand in eight years that she hasn't been in one of those locations when we've gone to look for her, and if she isn't she comes inside within five minutes after calling her.

Another thing is, since she's got longish fur it'd be hard to see a collar, in the second banner picture she's wearing a flea collar but it's hard to tell. 



faithless said:


> it seems they are critical of your ownership of her and dont mind you hearing it. When you protest its your cat, they're saying, between the lines, yeah, well, we dont think youre taking care of her. They're saying, yeah we hear you tell us its your cat, but why does it sleep in our garden then?


This is why I'm starting to think... does a cat liking to sleeping outside in an area where its never been threatened seem odd?


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## MinkaMuffin (Apr 1, 2011)

Even if it's hard to see the collar from a distance, if someone Did catch her, as soon as they feel/see the collar, they will know she's owned and return her.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

MinkaMuffin said:


> Even if it's hard to see the collar from a distance, if someone Did catch her, as soon as they feel/see the collar, they will know she's owned and return her.


Well, hopefully. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would just throw the collar away and keep the pretty kitty.


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## dweamgoil (Feb 3, 2010)

I agree with MowMow on the throwing the collar away thing. You can't always rely on the fact that people will always do the right thing. Also, I know you don't want to hear this, and everyone has been kind of working around it, but how about training the cat to be an indoor kitty only? Then, there would be no reason for any further drama with anyone. 

Maybe a cat enclosure if the cat really misses the outdoors that much; somewhere where she can still enjoy the outside in your own yard, but won't be able to get out and annoy the neighbors. I mean, it's one thing to say "well, the heck with them", but the fact is that your cat is going into other people's property, and these people may not be too keen on this for whatever reason, and it's their right to feel that way. I think they just don't want to come out and say we don't want this cat on our property, particularly if your family and theirs has a long history. If it were me, I would be more interested in keeping the cat safe and confined rather than trying to figure out why the neighbors feel this or that way. You can't control how they act and feel, only your own actions.

The collar thing seems like a good idea, but logistically not very workable due to the cat's fur length and the collars sometimes do fall off. Chipping him won't be outwardly visible...so what's left?


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## MinkaMuffin (Apr 1, 2011)

dweamgoil said:


> The collar thing seems like a good idea, but logistically not very workable due to the cat's fur length and the collars sometimes do fall off. Chipping him won't be outwardly visible...so what's left?


Paint?


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## raecarrow (Oct 27, 2009)

MinkaMuffin said:


> Paint?


 But then Pepe LaPew will be all over poor Blacky....


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## dweamgoil (Feb 3, 2010)

Oooh la la!

YouTube - ‪Pepe Le Pew‬‏


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## Emelda (May 15, 2011)

From what you've said, it sounds like your neighbors may be downright hostile. I'd seriously consider at least a collar like everyone has said. Someone might call the pound to come pick up a "stray cat"!


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## Lieke (Jan 12, 2011)

That is ridiculous! The fact that you have to put a collar on your cat just to proof its yours...crazy! Stupid neighbors....did you ask them why they think Blacky has no owner? I just don't understand it at all.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

dweamgoil said:


> I agree with MowMow on the throwing the collar away thing. You can't always rely on the fact that people will always do the right thing. Also, I know you don't want to hear this, and everyone has been kind of working around it, but how about training the cat to be an indoor kitty only? Then, there would be no reason for any further drama with anyone.
> 
> Maybe a cat enclosure if the cat really misses the outdoors that much; somewhere where she can still enjoy the outside in your own yard, but won't be able to get out and annoy the neighbors. I mean, it's one thing to say "well, the heck with them", but the fact is that your cat is going into other people's property, and these people may not be too keen on this for whatever reason, and it's their right to feel that way. I think they just don't want to come out and say we don't want this cat on our property, particularly if your family and theirs has a long history. If it were me, I would be more interested in keeping the cat safe and confined rather than trying to figure out why the neighbors feel this or that way. You can't control how they act and feel, only your own actions.
> 
> The collar thing seems like a good idea, but logistically not very workable due to the cat's fur length and the collars sometimes do fall off. Chipping him won't be outwardly visible...so what's left?


It's not really drama, considering it comes up rarely. The cat doesn't - or shouldn't - bother them, she's in an out of the way location, she never wanders around their yard, when I say she sleeps in their front garden, it's really all she does in their yard. Occasionally in the summer she'll lounge in their driveway, but that doesn't matter either since they park their car in the back and even if they did park there for some unknown reason, she'd get out of their way long before they could be worried about hitting her.

They haven't moved their straw because she likes it there. They have even mentioned she needs new straw from time to time - are we supposed to support her sleeping there or something?! Why do they tell us this? My father's told them more than once to get rid of the straw if they want, it doesn't matter to us. I think he even added something like "maybe then she'll sleep in her own yard." ...

Making her indoor only isn't going to happen. If she was _any_ other cat, she would be inside in an instant... most cats aren't as sensible outside. She's been an indoor/outdoor cat for eight years with us, and lived outside on her own for who-knows how long before that. Long enough to become feral and untrusting of people. I don't think it's fair to deprive her of that lifestyle just because the neighbours make snide comments from time to time.

I think if the neighbours were going to do anything they would have done it years ago. The neighbours are animal lovers, they donate money to rescue organizations monthly and adopt dogs that are old/rescued from puppy mills. This is one reason why, if they _really_ didn't think she was being cared for they would've called the local shelter. Which I volunteer at, haha.

I think what's left is to ignore them, like I've been doing for years. And maybe get a collar, even though she hates them. It just irritates me that they don't equate feeding and giving shelter and loving an animal with proper ownership. Somehow they just don't get it.



Lieke said:


> That is ridiculous! The fact that you have to put a collar on your cat just to proof its yours...crazy! Stupid neighbors....did you ask them why they think Blacky has no owner? I just don't understand it at all.


I agree, it is ridiculous.

I haven't asked that, but next time I hear them saying something like that (it doesn't happen that often), I think I will. Their response will probably just be that she spends a lot of time sleeping in their garden. I don't know why that means she doesn't belong to us, I should probably counter with "if she slept in our garden would that mean she's ours?".  Our house doesn't have a garden in front of it like theirs, we have a stone rockery, or else she likely would...

Anyhow, here she is nesting:


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## Avalonia (Oct 7, 2007)

In your first post you mentioned the neighbors were good friends. If that is the case, could they be teasing you a bit? Maybe they know you are sensitive about it and they find it funny. Of course that's not very nice but some people are like that. It seems like they care for the cat if they are replacing straw for her, etc. Maybe they want to feel like she's partly theirs too, and if they say she's yours, it's like giving that up.

But also, they could just be passively aggressively trying to express their criticism of your cat parenting as another poster pointed out. That's extremely annoying, but there's not much you can do about it. It seems like you want some validation from them about all you've done for this cat, but that's not likely to happen any time soon. You know she's yours and you've taken good care of her, no matter what they say.

I would recommend getting her a collar. It's a lot harder to say 'nobody owns that cat' when people can see her name tag. I'd also get her microchipped if you can, if your neighbors are really horrible and could possibly turn her into Animal Control. I know collars are annoying. Both of my young girls had them and of course they hate them and they scratch them off every chance they get. One of the days that Pandora had taken hers off was the day she disappeared and I am certain someone picked her up.  Maybe if she'd had it on they still would have taken her, but I'll never know, and I would never wish that on anyone else. Replacing collars and fighting her to get them back on on a near daily basis is a small price to pay for peace of mind.


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## swimkris (Jul 17, 2010)

I assume that your neighbors are older folk since you said you've lived next to them for 50 years? In my experience, "old" people often get notions in their heads that they don't like to let go of easily. This is especially true whenever they have friends around to gossip/complain to. Their bringing the subject up multiple times to their friends/family even though you've explained the situation makes me suspicious that this is the case with them. They just want extra attention in a sort of ' "woe is me" who has a "stray" cat living in my garden' sort of way. I don't think they mean Blacky harm or that they would get rid of her since they are concerned enough to make her a new straw bed. If the ownership thing comes up in conversation again, politely but firmly remind them that Blacky is your cat and you will not be discussing the subject again. They may call your veterinarian if they need confirmation of ownership.


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## Jazi&Levi (Mar 31, 2011)

MowMow said:


> Well, hopefully. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would just throw the collar away and keep the pretty kitty.


My cat bella was indoor/outdoor. She was VERY people friendly and I was constantly telling people she is my cat. One day I came home to her collar on a chair on the porch, and I've never seen her since  I just hope whoever has her is taking good care of her  ...& I had JUST set up a microchipping appointment.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

Avalonia said:


> In your first post you mentioned the neighbors were good friends. If that is the case, could they be teasing you a bit? Maybe they know you are sensitive about it and they find it funny.


We do know them well, my dad fixes things for them both in and out of their house, I walk one of their dogs sometimes, we each have house keys for the other's house in case of emergency, and we talk to them outside almost daily about various things. Anyway, the way they say she doesn't belong to anyone it isn't teasing, we've heard teasing from them and this isn't it.



Avalonia said:


> It seems like they care for the cat if they are replacing straw for her, etc. Maybe they want to feel like she's partly theirs too, and if they say she's yours, it's like giving that up.


They don't replace the straw, all they've done is mention that it needs to be replaced a few times. This is one thing that confuses me - they leave it there for her even though we've told them they can get rid of the straw (it's old!) ... They don't think she's theirs, I can guarantee that. Blacky may see them daily from her straw nest but she's never approached them which just shows how little she cares for people outside; she won't even approach other family members in _this_ house outside excet my father and me, but she _loves_ following my father and me around outside.



Avalonia said:


> But also, they could just be passively aggressively trying to express their criticism of your cat parenting as another poster pointed out. That's extremely annoying, but there's not much you can do about it. It seems like you want some validation from them about all you've done for this cat, but that's not likely to happen any time soon. You know she's yours and you've taken good care of her, no matter what they say.


Yup, that sums it up. It really is either that they can't comprehend an indoor/outdoor cat or they're critical of our parenting abilities.



swimkris said:


> I assume that your neighbors are older folk since you said you've lived next to them for 50 years? In my experience, "old" people often get notions in their heads that they don't like to let go of easily. This is especially true whenever they have friends around to gossip/complain to. Their bringing the subject up multiple times to their friends/family even though you've explained the situation makes me suspicious that this is the case with them.


The mother is older, yes. Her daughter moved in with her to help out around the house about ten years ago. The older neighbour I could see maybe just forgetting that we own her or getting a notion in their head like you mentioned, but the daughter isn't that old (late 50's/early 60's?) so I don't think she really has that excuse.


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## Penny135 (Apr 6, 2011)

If you let a cat rome daily out of your yard and he is sleeping in the neighbors garden Then he is not well taken care of. Cats need to be inside or on an outside jont with their owner but not just let out to play wherever.
At a house I lived in a couple years ago, there was a cat that romed the neighborhood.Two Faced (as we called him) , loved to come to our house first thng in the morning for breakfeast and lovings.Then off he would go but he always came back when my kids got home from school until they came in for supper. Once again I dont know where he went. He probably had another place to go. If he had someone that considered themselves his owner I would laugh in their face. If you are going to be his owner, do it 24/7.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

Penny135 said:


> If you let a cat rome daily out of your yard and he is sleeping in the neighbors garden Then he is not well taken care of. Cats need to be inside or on an outside jont with their owner but not just let out to play wherever.


:roll:

The indoor/outdoor debate is kind of interesting, I mean, in the UK it's unheard of to have cats as indoor, it's thought of a cruel. A family member that was visiting from the UK recently was very surprised that the cats in North America are mostly kept inside. She mentioned that she has a relative that didn't want to adopt a cat because she lived in an apartment and wouldn't be able to let the cat out. I'm not even sure if the shelter even adopted out to people that wanted to keep cats as indoor only, but they gave her an overweight older cat...

Blacky wouldn't be an outdoor cat if that wasn't the way she came to us - my other cat is indoor only. Since she came to us from the outdoors (and took a year to tame outside before even being willing to let me pet her, let alone enter the house), I'm not about to stop her from going outside now, she's _lived_ out there. Stopping her from going out now would simply be cruel. If we stopped her from going outside it would take months for her to get used to not going outside, if she ever would. Some cats don't adjust. I'd hate to think what would happen if she ever slipped out, she may not come back after we lock her up like that, she probably wouldn't trust us.

I don't need anyone telling me she's not taken care of; there's different ways to care for cats, she's cared for in the most important ways, one view is not necessarily the only one that's right. There are also special circumstances in everything. There is also quality of life versus quanity.


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## Claiken (Dec 18, 2007)

collars are a definite plus, but i could see how one could think that. Our view has always been "either have a pet or dont" not, have it sometimes. meaning, if it wanders the neighbourhood eating from many other people and looking homeless, and you dont know where it is - thats bad. But some cats will stay in their own yard, thats better to me. (well, ours our indoors which for me is best, but we live in a busy city with too many risks outside)

but im just one person, who i already know disagrees with the majority on the topic lol


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

Claiken said:


> But some cats will stay in their own yard, thats better to me.


Blacky is one of those cats in as much as a cat can be. Cats don't have property boundaries like people do (especially when there's no fence!), but our neighbours front garden is less than 10 steps from our property. From our front door it's less than 25 steps. Yes, I did just go and count haha.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

I suspect they're fully aware of who owns the cat, but disapprove with the fact that she's indoor/outdoor...and their comments about "we don't know who owns the cat" are said mainly for your benefit, in order to express their disapproval. If you bought a collar, no doubt the next thing you'd hear is "we don't know who owns the cat, but our neighbors were kind enough to buy the poor thing a collar"! 

I'd simply ignore their sarcastic remarks.


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## dweamgoil (Feb 3, 2010)

Carmel said:


> :roll: The indoor/outdoor debate is kind of interesting, I mean, in the UK it's unheard of to have cats as indoor, it's thought of a cruel.


Yes, and in Korea, China, and parts of Australia they eat cats, but that's not really the point. You are asking for advice on how to change the neighbors' perception about who owns your cat, which is most likely not going to happen at this point. All the other opinions were given to help give you viable options on how to achieve this goal. If you don't like the options, that's fine, you are an adult and can do what you please, but don't be surprised when the problem you originally posted about continues. As Susan said, you are better off turning a deaf ear to the comments they have made, and most likely will make in the future.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

dweamgoil said:


> Yes, and in Korea, China, and parts of Australia they eat cats, but that's not really the point. You are asking for advice on how to change the neighbors' perception about who owns your cat, which is most likely not going to happen at this point. All the other opinions were given to help give you viable options on how to achieve this goal. If you don't like the options, that's fine, you are an adult and can do what you please, but don't be surprised when the problem you originally posted about continues. As Susan said, you are better off turning a deaf ear to the comments they have made, and most likely will make in the future.


You're right, that isn't the point. The point was that everyone has different views, different upbrings and different circumstances. I respect other opinions and I respect others that are willing to listen to other opinions. I understand and agree that my neighbours will likely never "get it" and I was wodering what people thought about the issue on this forum.

Therefore, that was the one post I did not respect in this entire thread. Treating an issue in black and white is not respectful nor openminded. Personally, I agree that cats should be kept indoors - especially in a city - but I also acknowledge Blacky as a special case. If others do not agree with this they are in their right to do so, but I do not believe in listening to sentiments stated in the "if you do _____ you're wrong."


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## calidreamer119 (May 12, 2011)

Bad_cancer said:


> If one day Blacky is out alone and someone tries to take her, the neighbors won't lift a finger and might even encourage the person who tries to take her by saying that she's a stray.


Yeah, I'd have to agree with this. While there probably isn't any worry and if the neighbors want to be jerks then let 'em I'd say... I'd want to make sure they weren't going to let someone take her or not sure where you're from but where I'm living now there are a ton of horrible people who kill strays  A collar is a good idea if there isn't a fenced in yard. 

The cats I have now are in my fenced in yard, and so far they haven't had any ideas about jumping it. With my other cat whose with my mom, Benny he wanders like no other. He even gets mad at neighbor kitties in their own yard. Cats just can't understand boundaries. For all they know the whole neighborhood is theirs.


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## Claiken (Dec 18, 2007)

Carmel said:


> Blacky is one of those cats in as much as a cat can be. Cats don't have property boundaries like people do (especially when there's no fence!), but our neighbours front garden is less than 10 steps from our property. From our front door it's less than 25 steps. Yes, I did just go and count haha.


thats not so bad then. my neighbours cat is like that. She is technically tried to be kept indoors but she is just SO quick, sometimes its just impossible to keep her in. But its the same, their own yard or maybe ours, never any further that i know of. (But, us and our neighbours are like a big family lol, separate houses but were close enough we may as well be related. so their cats know us too. maybe why she is ok on our lawn too?)

I would be so scared though with no enclosure, like when they get so comfortable with those 2 yards they want to explore slowly further and further... who knows where they would end up eventually.

I was just reading the last post about the fence and thinking "but cats can jump"... lol you beat me to it.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

Claiken said:


> I would be so scared though with no enclosure, like when they get so comfortable with those 2 yards they want to explore slowly further and further... who knows where they would end up eventually.


I don't blame you about being scared, I would be too with a cat that's used to the indoors or one where you don't already know how it reacts to things outdoors.

Since she was a semi-feral she knows what's out there - she isn't interested in it though. She goes for walks with us sometimes if the sun's starting to set so we know she's not afraid of the neighbourhood, but unless we're with her she's exhibited no desire to leave our yard/our neighbour's yard. If I go outside she basically will stop what she's doing and follow me around so it's not hard to find her outside, she finds me. For instance, today I sat out in the backyard and within five minutes this is what was at my feet:


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## Claiken (Dec 18, 2007)

i am considering getting a leash and harness for Boo. she does like it out there in the yard (we will hold her and let her look around and take it all in sometimes). im just afraid to make her want to door-dart even more.


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