# When pain out weighs the fear



## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

I really don't know where to post this...I just know I need to.

I knew the there would be good days and bad days, cause he's a senior. And, like most seniors, there's bound to be a health issue or two. So, I take care of them to my best ability...there are no boundaries in providing whatever it is that will help. NO MATTER WHAT

Getting my Bugs whatever he needs has no shame, as I have found myself unaffected, by what some might think, when they haven't even bothered to read the sign that's asking for help. 

I have let nothing stand in the way of providing for his needs...there was no fear as long as I could stop the pain. So I could beg...

but I cannot steal. I cannot take from my best friend that which will bring him pain. I will not steal life from him...if living means nothing but to die in pain. 

My fear is fading as fast as Bugs health is failing. I don't know if there is anything left that I can do, so I have made an appointment for tomorow afternoon with his vet. 

I'm going to ask for one more urinalysis and blood panel done to see if he is able to undergo surgical/biopsy proceedure. And, if that is not an option...I will give him the only gift left that I will have to give.

God, how can I ever say goodbye


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## Paw Prints (Apr 1, 2005)

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. That decision is one of the hardest cat lovers have to make. 

Remember your cat loves you.


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## Lori (Jun 8, 2003)

My thoughts are with you. It is a time every pet owner dreads, certainly one who loves their cat as much as you obviously love Bugs.


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## Sky Eyes Woman (Feb 26, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear Bugs is not doing well. I know how much you love him and how hard you have tried to get him well again.

Just remember that no matter what, Bugs knows you love him.


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

Having just gone through this with Callie...the time comes when you know what you have to do. When you know you have done everything you can and watching them continue to fail is just so painful for them and you. Making the decision is agonizing, but once it's made, there is a certain amount of peace achieved. If your gut is telling you it's time, then it is. Go with your instinct and don't second guess yourself. Bugs knows that you'll do right by him.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

I know you will do what's best for Bugs, as you always have. May God bless you and guide you. This is a very hard time, I know.


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## Lisa 216 (Oct 25, 2004)

I'm so very sorry to hear about Bugs  

You obviously love him very much. I'm sure he knows that. You will make the right decision for Bugs. Sending prayers and good wishes to you and Bugs.


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

Thank you guys for the support and kind words. I am more worried about myself than I am him. I know, without having to second guess, that I would do nothing less than what is best for him.

I don't know if I even will know how to do that for myself...without him. He is all I have and has been my world for 16 years. I did nothing in all those days without first considering what effect it would have on him.

Because he saved my life...he became my life



I know I'm just very very sad, but what am I going to do? So many miracles have happened because we have had each other...maybe there is time for just one more.

I am going to log off now, untill I see the vet tomorrow afternoon


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

My sister went thru this with her elderly cat last 
christmas. I reminded her that this is a gift we 
give to our kittys. We love them so not let them continue 
to suffer. We give them our love, and in a kind 
way help them to the rainbow bridge to a better 
place where there will be no pain at all. My 
thoughts and prayers are with you. My heart 
goes out to you.


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## DesnBaby (Apr 18, 2004)

I'm so sorry to hear about your Bugs


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

I couldn't really sleep, so I just thought I'd share what happened today. There hasn't been a decision yet, because the full chemitry panel won't be in till tomorrow. 

But we did do xrays and Heide (vet) got to see how he walks...and staggers. He was his old pissy, hissy self and she appreciated that he hadn't lost his facade...carrying on with idle threats. That was a good sign to her.

She's always said he's one of her best patients because she's never had any problems with him fighting her... no matter what it is that she has to do. He just makes the most noise. And that he does...cause I hear every bit of it!

And that's my Bugs. He is the most easy going, patient, attentive, sweet, friendly, greetable, agreeable, obedient, observant, satisfiable, unresisting, complying, understanding, as you please kind of guy. And, the only time he makes any noise is...when he's trying to scare Heide. He just doesn't claw, sratch, kick, wiggle or bite. 

He doesn't even know how to be mean. Love is all he is. 

and old

She compared the film with last years xrays, and explained to me what changes had occured, even though I could clearly see the difference in the changes. I didn't know how bad it was until she showed me the really bad areas, where he has the most problems. His lower spine is degenerating pretty bad and, there are a couple of areas where the bones are fusing, causing the nerves to pinch. 

He has had neurological damage for a couple of years, due to vestibular disorder. That happened from another veterinarian's neglegent unprofessionalism, when he ordered his unlicensed assistant to perform an unessasary ear flush...without any prediagnostic test...without ever had seen my cat before...without even knowing his history...and with her handling my cat unsupervised because he left the room to get a syringe of something for Bugs...after I told him not to!!!!! ARRRGGG!!!

That will always and forever haunt me...and on my birthday, at that!! That was the most horrible and frightening thing I'd ever seen happen to an animal...and it was my Wonton (nick name). He nearly died from that trauma. He lived in my bedroom closet for over a month while having to be hand fed and watered with an eye dropper...then a syringe...and then a bigger one. I lived in my room, with him and didn't leave his side until I knew he would live. For a month I didn't answer the door, the phone (vet only), dropped out of school, and never stepped outside longer than to get my mail. He has permanant hearing loss on one side, and never has or will be fully recovered. But we've adapted  

I'm just rambling, guys. I'm really trying hard to remain sane, until all the facts are in. We are running out of options, but the vet says wait to see what the labwork shows, because steroids might be one of those options.

It may be the only one...she already told me surgery is not.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

Read this loving acount this morning and already choked up. My thoughts and prayer are still with you two.


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## ilovepiratecats (Jul 16, 2006)

Bugs is very lucky to have you, and he knows it. *hugs to you and the kitty*


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

Yes, your love shows with every word. Bugs and you have been though much with each other, and you have brought joy to each other. I do hope there is a way to give him some quality life for a long time. I know you'll do all you can. I'll be thinking of you and Bugs.


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## Nyar (Nov 12, 2004)

Give bugs a big hug and show him your undying love.


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## Sky Eyes Woman (Feb 26, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear about this.


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## DesnBaby (Apr 18, 2004)

Please update us w/ what happens. Big hugs to you and Bugs.


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

Yesterday I was just to tired to post anything, and today I spent at the health food stores and getting as much information on line regarding what I'm going to do. But, here's what the vet and I have decided to try.

We have run out of things to do for Bugs, in the way of what conventional veterinary medicine has to offer, other than steroids. I have, in the past, been reluctant to use them because of more serious complications that could occur. The fact that they supress the immune system is reason enough for me to not want my cat exsposed.

However, after the test results came back, Heide and I were surprised to find that there were no significant changes. Nothing to indicate that his health was failing by any of the other more common geriactic health issues. It is because of his spinal bone degeneration that he will not move his bowells, thus causing them to back up to the point of becoming life threatening.

And, it has also become apparent, that he is intolerant of Lactulose and using it causes more harm than good. A cat that continues to take lactulose but will not poop (due to pain) is retaining toxic levels of waste and draining the body of needed nutrients. Similar to malabsorbtion.

That is what was making him so sick and why it looked to me like he was dying. And in a sense, he was...and would have if left unattended.

That doesn't change the sriosness of his situation, because if he doesn't start pooping, he will not live long. There are just some things I will not do, and one of them is try anymore drugs. We've already tried painkillers in the past and the side effects are not worth what he goes through. They change his personality and it's not fair to either of us. 

There are no Holistic Vets in my area, but my vet has resources that she is willing to refer to, and help advise me, as I explore what options might give Bugs some relief. There was a string attached before she'd allow me to do this...and that was to put my Bugzy on a very low dose of prednisone to help relieve him from pain...right now.

She said there is just too much to know and understand about recipies, formulas and herbal remedies to 'jump right into it and find a cure'. As long as he is comfortable, she said she would help me to find suitable remedies for his condition, and I must keep a log and moniter his progress and any unusual occurances.

The first and foremost important step is to ease his digestive tract so that when he feels the urge things will go smoothly. The biggest problem with the "going natural" idea, will be my cats taste buds. Will he be willing to go along?

He hasn't pooped but a small few marbles in three days...and I'm about to change his whole world of appetite delite.

I don't know, but if we can get get his insides to move smooth...and he realizes that they move smooth again...so that he won't have to strain when it's time to go poop. And, that he goes, without storing it back, he could live for, quite possibly, a few more years.

Tame the pain, supressing the stress, and smooth the stools will all depend on how finicky my ever so spoiled old man is going to be. 

But, for today...he's here with me.


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

I'm so happy to hear that his tests came back OK and you have some hope for Bugs. The road you're going down is difficult, I did it with Callie, but it really seemed to help her. In regards to his taste buds being a possible problem...I found when I added some Omega 3 fatty acids in the form of fish oil to Callie's food, she could care less what other things I had buried in there. The fish oil was her friend :lol: I would think that the fish oil should be beneficial for Bugs' condition as well and may help with getting him to take the other things.

The other possibility is working with a compounding pharmacy to get the supplements he needs made into a treat or put in a capsule (if pilling him is not too difficult). 

I hope things work out for you and Bugs.


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

i was reading thro this post preparing my self for a sad end, i havnt read may cat stories that dont end in tragerdy, but im so pleased for you that there is some hope, it will be a long and slow progress, but no doubt you will do what evers possible to make your cat happy again, good luck, i hope it isnt too long before you find a succseefull recipy


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

Guys, I am in shock 8O I can't beleive that Bugs, who caused me in the past, to waste 100's of dollares trying to find a wet food he would eat...IS eating the special herbal diet that I've created for his better health plan.

It is blowing my mind, I'm beside myself with seeing his response. This is a cat who has never...understand the word, NEVER...finished a bowl of wet food before leaving, at least, a quarter of it to be tossed. He's licking his plate clean...with all that _stuff_ in it, even.

Not only that, but I have eliminated all 24/7 floor food...and he's barely fussin about it. I was so sure this was going to be a real battle because he IS so very picky!

I'm in utter shock....but extremely pleased. This is what I've started him out with:
I got all ingredients fresh from a health food store and did all preperations myself, before storing. I got psyllium husks and ground them myself, same with the wheat bran. Then, I got slippery elm bark powder and mixed the proper dose with water over a simmer until it was a paste. That will stay good for a week in the fridge.

1/8 tsp psyllium mixed with 2 tbls water
1/8 tsp wheat bran
1/8 tsp acidophilus (liquid)
a tiny pinch of chlorphyll
1/2 teaspoon of the prepared slippery elm

I mix that all together and then with a half a can of Natural Balance Ultra, set the timer for 30 minutes...and he loves it!! :yellbounce The 30 mins is to remind me to pick up his dirty, uhh I mean clean plate off the floor.

I still have to get the powdered pectin and some Vita-mix. I hope the addition to the cauldron doesn't change the magic!!

I, also, give him Bach Flower drops in his water. I picked the Rescue Remedy because...well it speaks for itself.

Thanks, once again, for standing by me with all your post, prayers, and total support. I mean that with all my heart...I could't do it without the cat lovers here at this forum.


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

I'm betting it's the slippery elm, Callie really liked her food with that in it.


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## Gypsy Girl (Jun 9, 2006)

I'm so glad he's doing better. Things sounded pretty bad at the begining. You are doing an amazing job taking care of him. 

God Bless, 
Kate


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## Paw Prints (Apr 1, 2005)

I'm so glad he's eating the food!  Hopefully it will help him. I'll keep praying!


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## DesnBaby (Apr 18, 2004)

That's great news!


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

Fabulous news!


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## ilovepiratecats (Jul 16, 2006)




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## Sky Eyes Woman (Feb 26, 2006)

Soooo glad Bugs is on the mend!


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

thats fantastic, its so heart warming to here of his recovery, keep us posted


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

I'm so pleasantly surprised!


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

He's not really out of the woods. He hasn't had a good bowel movement yet. Just a few hard marbles, but at least it's something.

I am very optomistic, though. Today, he ripped through the house like he forgot he wasn't a kitten. He hasn't done that for a couple of years. He used to do it early in the morning so I'd get up and play. So what do you think I did...

Ripped it up with him...It was GREAT! Short but fun...and a definate way to get things moving. I hope. I don't want him to injure himself.

He is starting to pout about not having some crunchy dry food around to munch on. But as long as he doesn't start speaking to me the way he speaks to Heide, that's just something he'll have to get used to :kittyturn


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

aw, i really hope he does well, is that him in you avatar?, hes very precious looking


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

Yea, that's him. He's stretched out across a desk, in between a pile of books and a pile of something else on the other side of him. He has his front legs touching another table, and you can't see from that veiw, but his hind legs are stretched straight out behind him. 

I was in the middle of moving....and ofcourse, he was in the middle of what I was moving! 

But, to hear him tell it....I neede help and so he was supervising.

I don't know how to post pictures to well, or you all know....I'd be having every Bugzy pose out here for show!


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## Sky Eyes Woman (Feb 26, 2006)

We'd LOVE to see more of Bugs! If you click the "Cat Photos" link at the top of the page you can upload them to your gallery and when you open a page for each individual picture you can just copy the link with the


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

yea, lest see some more pics of the cute kitty


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

Bugs is doing alot better with the holistic diet....and the prednisone Dr. said he needed. Very small dose but I'm hoping eventually (soon) he won't have to take that. But, he may need it forever, I don't know....whatever makes him feel better is what matters.

He is still constipated, but is not having to strain as much.....and he IS finally pooping more.

Mostly, it's his overall appearance, his attitude, interest and mobility that has vastly improved. His coat is again soft and flake free. He is more alert and interested in what's going on around him and outside the screen door. He's even bringing me the brush....just kidding....letting me brush him again :lol: . That used to be his all time favorite thing...so glad to see him enjoy it again. He's much more mobile, jumping up on the back of the couch, chair etc...probably prednisone. But, I'm absolutely cnvinced that the change in diet has done the most for him...and in time, his bowels will start moving easier, also. 

I can just see it in his eyes how much better he is. I know, by the way he acts, that he feels better....but it's the sparkle in those deep blue eyes that makes me feel good. 


I'm back in school, now....but this weekend I'll practice posting pictures so you all can see what my fuss is all about! Us girls are always fussin over our boyfriends


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

What wonderful news! So encouragiing!


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## Sky Eyes Woman (Feb 26, 2006)

I'm SO glad to hear Bugs is doing better! Please give him a big smooch right on the face and tell him it's from SEW!


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

yay, thats great news   , how old is bugs?


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

That is such wonderful news. 
Like you said what ever makes
him feel better!


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## DesnBaby (Apr 18, 2004)

Fantastic news!


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## Tindi18 (Oct 3, 2004)

It must be so hard for you...
I remember when I had to let go of five cats because we just didn't have enough room for them. It was hard, but it was what was best for them.


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

Sometimes it is hard. Especially when I read post about how sick someones kitty is...or the saddness someone is enduring because they lost there pet....and when ever I start thinking about 'the day when'.

But, after all the highs and lows over the past 16 years, that day will only come when it is the_ ONLY_ option left. 

I'm going to go try to figure out how to post pictures.


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

aww, it is sad reading over posts where people have lost the pets, but to find a post like this where the pet shows signs of a recovery is so uplifting

anyways, regester on somthing like http://photobucket.com/ and upload your pics on to it from your pc, the just copy the


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

ok, here's my first attempt at posting a picture of my handsom Bugz.










I'll post more, if this comes out ok, in the Meet my Kitty section


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

What a handsome boy Bugs is!  (I got the other post, myfamilia; don't worry!)


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## DesnBaby (Apr 18, 2004)

He's beautiful!


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## Sky Eyes Woman (Feb 26, 2006)

Oh, Bugs is so handsome! :love2
Kiss him a bunch more for me please?


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

You guys make me smile  ......Thanks


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## myfamilia (Aug 5, 2004)

Oh.....and Bugs is doing pretty good, since I changed his diet. He is feeling more spunky, and will run across the yard a couple of times when we go out for the morning bird watch.

He still doesn't trust the mean and painfull litter box...so he is still holding his bowels and still dealing with some constipation. The good news, though, is he IS moving them....and it's not near as hard and dry as it was before, so I'm very optimistic that this problem will eventually be under control.

I also want to thank everyone for your support and prayers throughout this thread. I honestly don't know that things could have turned around, as they did, without your ideas, suggestions and encouragement :butterfly The Wand (that's what I call him the most) and I both say thanks soooo much!! :catrun


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

yay, good news for bugs, and what a fine lookin puddy cat he is, so cute


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