# R.I.P Felix



## touchthesky (Jan 2, 2008)

This is a journal entry I made today, after much thought last night. I'm sorry if you find it difficult to read, I've written in the way that is easiest for me to express how I feel.

Cats..

First of all, there is roadside cat..I hate the fact that he is out there all by himself. Getting colder and colder. What the **** am I talking about? Well, I found a dead cat a few days ago (sorry to sound so blunt but I can't think of another way to say it without it sounding as thugh I'm trying to avoid it's death) and the next day I checked for a collar, there wasn't one, so there wasn't a lot I could do. The SSPCA (Scotlands answer to the RSPCA) can't/wont do anything, I have no access to a car, and walking to the nearest vets would take me over 4 hours with a cat in my arms.
The extent of it's injuries hit me quite hard. (GRAPHIC). It's intestines were strewn about the place like it was a peice of trash, it had been run over with such force it's eyes had come out of their sockets, and it's face was just completely caked with drying blood.

Seeing roadside kitty made me think about Felix (my sisters cat), gorgeous thing he was. Died on the road too. I remember it like it was yesterday. He came up to my room at around 8pm and slept until meowing to get out again at 11pmish. I let him out, and I hate myself for that. The next morning, Felix, who had such a hearty appetite for a kitten of only 18 months, didn't come in for his breakfast. At first, this was just pushed off, because, chances were, he'd just got busy hunting, or lain somewhere under a bush and slept. A few hours passed and everyone tried to see the positive, me, my sister and my mum even went out to look for him in the hope he had just lost time under a garden bush. After finding notihng, we came back. Hopes starting to drop. Then, the phone rang. I remember exactly when it rang, or there abouts, it was 1:15pm. My mum answered it, and we thought nothing of it. She was just yessing and umming at the reciever. When she put it down, she turned to my sister and told her that Felix had been found at the side of the road, hit by a car. I still remember my sisters reaction as clear as if it was happening just now. She was in complete denial, convinced he would be fine, even though, from my mums face, it was obvious that would not turn out to be the case. On the way to collect him, my sister was sayying that maybe it wasn't Felix. We looked where the lady had said he was and could not find him, this making my sister even more hopeful, and convincing herself that it was just a prank call from somebody who'd perhaps found his collar. We went home, not understanding why he wasn't there, and tried 1471 on the lady who had rang. She answred and described again where he was, saying that she had "Placed a hat over his face to prevent any upset due to his injuries."

My sister and my mum then didn't have the heart to go and find him so I went out by myself, I was apparently told to take the cat basket to birng him home in but I really cannot remember this. I set off, and couldnt see him. I was frustrated, where was he? I knocked on the closest house, as, there was only two nearby and asked had she seen a black and white cat, she said no. I broke down, and she cuddled me. I'll never ever ever forget that. This woman didn't know me. I was just some 14 year old girl who shed never seen, yet she comforted me like she'd known me for years. That meant a lot.

I kept looking, completely determined to find Felix. I didn't prepare myself for what I was going to find at all. FInally, I came upon a signpost, and underneath it was a small black shape, with a hat placed on it. I stopped in my tracks. Oh gosh, what on earth was going to be under there? I loved Felix to peices but even all the love in the world would not have taken away my fear. I walked over to the body and touched it. He was still warm. I removed the hat, and had to stifle my sobs, because they were getting quite hard to control. Felix's face..wasn't Felix's anymore. His bottom jaw was removed completely from the top one, making him look as though he was grinning, in a sick way. His neck was broken, and the feeling of it swinging against me when I picked him up is something I hate to have experienced.
Anyway, I picked Felix up, and ran across the road, it was a busy road, but I didn't care. I had to get him home..


Since I'd been away, my sister and her nephew (not the owners of the cat) had come to the house, and as I neared the house, my mum tried to motion to me to put the cat down on the grass so that Joshue (nephew) didnt see him. But it was too late, I hadnt understooc what my mum was telling me, so I kept walking.
My nephew, completely oblivious to what was going on, came over and begged to "kiss babby." (What he called Felix, pronounced like that too bab-be." You don't know how painful that was.
I didn't know what to do. I placed the cat on the grass, went upstairs and I wept. I wept for a long long time. Because even though Felix was my sisters cat, he lived with the family and had become such a member of the family that now, knowing he wasn't going to be with us anymore broke my heart.

I still miss him everyday, and I still hate myself for letting him out.

R.I.P Felix

(I was 14 when he died.)


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## Pinkerbelle (Jan 21, 2008)

Sometimes you just need to let it all out. It sounds like this one was a long time coming.

Sorry you had to see the poor kitty in the road, it saddens me so much to see that; I can only imagine how it must've felt for you, what with the similarities to Felix.

I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but you can't hold onto the guilt you feel for letting Felix out. There's no way you could've prevented what happened to him. I'm sorry for your loss, it's obviously still really painful even though it was so long ago. :hugs: 

My thoughts are with you


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## touchthesky (Jan 2, 2008)

Thankyou so much. I managed to stop crying since this morning, but I just found an online "candle" that I made for him when he died. It's brought it all back again.

http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com/person ... p?ID=50948

There's his candle. Along with our other cat, Tigger, whom we lost the previous year due to internal problems.

Please give a little prayer to him, even though he's been gone almost 4 years, and is probably loving eating from the big bowl in the sky.


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## Pinkerbelle (Jan 21, 2008)

I'm glad you're feeling better today. losing a pet is so incredibly hard


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