# Light of My Life



## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

I lost my Beloved Samantha 3 weeks ago and the silence in my house is deafening sometimes.
We moved here together with my ex in February 2000 and until you passed you spent ever minute of everyday there except when you went to the Vet or the Groomer's.








You seemed to be okay even though unknown to me cancer was growing in your little belly.
I feel I fail in my duty as your Papa and caregiver, I should have noticed that you were losing weight, but with your thick coat it hard to tell.
I feel that if I'd taken you in months sooner treatment might have provided you with some additional quality time.
But when I discovered you lying in the middle of the floor in distress it was too late, the only option was extensive surgery and at 16 years old with nothing more then a few more months of life, I could not put you through that pain, you know I could never bear to see you hurt, so I let you go and you died in my arms.
I'll always love you, you were the sweetest kindest creature I've ever know and it was a privilege to have been your human.


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## Lineth (Apr 12, 2011)

*Aww that made me cry*

Awwwwwwwwww that is so sad. I am sure you cat is in kitty heaven now. Rest in peace!!!


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

I got Samantha when she was 6 months old, so she was my constant companion for 
15 1/2, in all that time she was never really sick, under the weather for a day, a very few times.
She was one of those cats that never had a bad day, as long as she got fed and loved she was happy.
I rarely ever had to scold her, I learned early on how well she responded to praise, if your told her what a good kitty she was and scratched her head she just glow with happiness.
It's hard now but I try to remember those 15 1/2 great years and not that last terrible day.
I'll always be grateful that I was there for her at the end so she didn't have to go into the night alone.
I believe in a Higher Power, but I'm uncertain about there being a Heaven or a Purgatory,
but if there is an after life and a merciful God he'd have to let us be reunite with our dear furry friends.
It certainly wouldn't be Paradise without them.


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## marie5890 (May 18, 2011)

((((COONCATBOB))))

In time, as the grief passes, you will remember with warm smiles those 15.5 years of joy and love. Perhaps there will always be a tug at your heart, but the warmth of remembering will return.

Remember too, that Higher Power created your Samatha as much as the Higher Power created you. Both were created with great love.

So yes, if there is a God and that God is merciful, that God put as much love into Samantha as God put into you.

It's always about the love of creation. That is what mercy means to me. 

God Bless.

(PS....She is beautiful...I can well understand that the quiet of your home is now very deafening)


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## konstargirl (Feb 4, 2011)

Aw! I'm so sorry.


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## blondie1483 (Jan 19, 2011)

What a beautiful tribute. She will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge. Prayers and sympathy to you. You were a GREAT "papa" and Samantha is so fortunate to have lived here with you.


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## Fran (Jan 9, 2008)

Lovely kitty, heartfelt words...I am sorry for your loss. I am sure Samantha knew what a place she had in your heart. 

Fran


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## Beans (Apr 25, 2011)

:'[ Crying.


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## razzle (May 20, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss. She's just beautiful. Now I have to get a box of tissue.

Kathy


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## Kobster (Feb 1, 2007)

She was a beauty, and led such a wonderful life with you.


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## CherryPie (Oct 13, 2009)

Sending *hugs* to you Bob. I'm sorry she's gone. You made a hard decision but the right one. Time will make it easier though you will always miss her and a part of her will always be with you


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Samantha and I moved into this house together.
The hardest part is at bed time, we always spent time together before going to sleep, this is the time I'd always give her a good combing, now while I'm petting Little Chiquita I swear I see Samantha out of the corner of my eye, then I realize all over again that she's gone.
I set up a little memorial to her on my mantle, the Urn with her cremains and my favorite picture of my beautiful little buddy.








I wish I had videos of her, she was such a little ham.


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## CherryPie (Oct 13, 2009)

I know what you mean about videos. I wish I had some of my Max.
If you see her out of the corner of your eye, maybe she's come home to be with you atback


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## marie5890 (May 18, 2011)

Im a big believer that our loved ones never really leave us. They are with us in spirit even when their bodies are no longer around for us to see with our eyes. But our spirit senses their presence.


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## RannsMama (May 24, 2011)

I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. My 10 year old dog had cancer that we'd gotten rid of and it returned in her belly without our knowledge. I keep feeling like I should have noticed and done something different. But just know that you had that cat a long time and she knew you loved her *hugs* Samantha was beautiful


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## Jan Rebecca (Oct 14, 2010)

Aww so sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful cat. HUGS


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

My tears really flowed looking at your beautiful "Samantha" as she looked sooo much like my "Missy" who I had for 17 yrs. She was blue-cream too and one of my "soul" kitties. I miss her to this day. Remember the good times you had with her. I do believe that no love is ever lost and that some day we will meet our pets again.

_"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; unless my pets are there to welcome me"_ ~ Unknown


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

When I got her she was kind of a snot, her older half sister was much more interested in coming home with me.
But she was so beautiful that I couldn't resist her, when I got her home she hid under the couch.
I put some food out where she could see and smell it and she soon came out to eat.
She missed her family at first but I think she loved being the pampered Princess instead of 1 in a house full of cats.
She was 6 months old when I got her, I wish I could have gotten her when she was some what younger.
She was playful and athletic and we had lots of really great times.
In some ways cat don't show their age, Samantha quit leaping onto the tops of the cabinets when she was about 10 but the years just sneaked up on me, when she turned 15 I realized that she was getting old but really though being an indoor cat I'd get 18-20 years together.
The day before she passed we spent bed time together, in the last several months of her life she'd started nibbling and licking my fingers, it was so sweet and 24 hours later I had to make the decision to not let her suffer but to go pain free and she passed away in my arms, it just broke my heart but I wouldn't have missed for the world.
I couldn't let my Little Buddy go alone into the night without her Papa being there for her.
I'm 56 years old and I've lost my Parents. Siblings and friends but this hurts worse, Samantha was my constant friend and companion every single day for 15 1/2 years.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Why do we love our pets so much and why does it hurt so bad when they die?
Their lifes are much shorter then our own, but their small spirits burn so brightly.
The people you meet in life, even those that love you have their own motives and agendas that might not agree with yours.
But your pet especially one that's bonded to you is your's alone.
Your special friend, they never talk about you behind your back or betray your trust.
They'll love you even if you're unworthy of that love, they ask so little from us and give so much back in return.


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## Nan (Oct 11, 2010)

I'm so very sorry for your loss.


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## marie5890 (May 18, 2011)

cooncatbob said:


> Why do we love our pets so much and why does it hurt so bad when they die?
> Their lifes are much shorter then our own, but their small spirits burn so brightly.
> The people you meet in life, even those that love you have their own motives and agendas that might not agree with yours.
> But your pet especially one that's bonded to you is your's alone.
> ...


Bob, I firmly believe because our relationship with our furry family members is so far less complicated. It's more pure, more unconditional, no strings attached. It's just about the pure love and pure uncomplicated trust.

Human relationships, on the other hand, can be very complex, very hindered, very hard, very complicated. Loyalty and trust are hard to come by. People can be manipulative (in a bad way, I do think animals know how to manipulate but it's never with bad intent).

For me when I come home from a day of work (I would in agricultural retail) I have spent a day with customers. Most of them are very nice and pleasant. But on occasion I get one that just gets on my nerves.
Or sometimes it's the bosses, or other members of the crew. I love them all, they are family.

But when I come home to my three cats, it's all very simple. Very pure. No having to compromise or talk things thru. No having to bite my tongue when I know what is being suggested to me is a bad choice. etc etc.

When I come home, they greet me at the door with "WE MISSED YOU!! SOOOO GLAD YOU ARE HOME MOM!!!"

2 of my three love to cuddle close. All they LOVE to be brushed. They all purr contently so much of the time. I know they trust me completely. There is no abuse, no anger, no frustrations. 

It's all about the love, the trust, the loyalty etc. And I love every minuet of it. 
That is why is hurts so very profoundly when we have to let them go to the other side. That is why the hole in our hearts bleeds so very long. That is why we sense the gap their lack of physical presence so keenly. They add to our lives something that is very hard to find in human relationships.

At least that is my experience


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

Excellent post,_ Marie_, couldn't have said it any better, yes it is definitely all about love, the trust, the loyalty---unconditonal love.


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## RannsMama (May 24, 2011)

cooncatbob said:


> Why do we love our pets so much and why does it hurt so bad when they die?
> Their lifes are much shorter then our own, but their small spirits burn so brightly.
> The people you meet in life, even those that love you have their own motives and agendas that might not agree with yours.
> But your pet especially one that's bonded to you is your's alone.
> ...


Honestly Bob, I think it's because people like us don't really think of them as pets. They become more like family. They don't treat you badly ( well, with my Ellie that is questionable depending on her mood lol) but they always love you, they don't judge, you don't have to work so hard with them, it's just easy. I obviously love my children more than my pets, but my pets are definitely family too. I'm really sorry about Samantha again, I know it's so very hard  atback


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## RannsMama (May 24, 2011)

marie5890 said:


> Bob, I firmly believe because our relationship with our furry family members is so far less complicated. It's more pure, more unconditional, no strings attached. It's just about the pure love and pure uncomplicated trust.
> 
> Human relationships, on the other hand, can be very complex, very hindered, very hard, very complicated. Loyalty and trust are hard to come by. People can be manipulative (in a bad way, I do think animals know how to manipulate but it's never with bad intent).
> 
> ...


Thank you Marie! That's what I was just trying to say but you said it much better


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Thanks for all the kind words.
But it's Friday again and she's been gone for 4 weeks and the silence is deafening.
Every day except when she was under the weather which was rare she was waiting for me in the mourning to feed her.
Everyday when I'd pull into the drive way from a long day at work I'd see her looking out the kitchen window, watching for Papa to come home, then I'd hear her friendly greeting as I unlocked the door.
Everyday was a new day for her, all she wanted was her Papa's love and attention.
I got a copy of Patty Luckenbach's Pet Loss Journal "The Kingdom of Heart"
and it's helped as have this forum, there's a place where you write a letter to you pet, there's also a place where you write a letter to yourself as your pet.
I think I need to write another letter to Samantha and a letter to myself.
The night before she died was like most nights, we spent bed time together.
But when I had to make that terrible decision to let her go she was over night old and feeble and she wasn't all there if you know what I mean, I hugged her as she took her last breath and felt the spirit leave her small body, it was a nightmare I could not wake up from.
I'm profoundly glad I could be there for her, that she didn't have to die alone.
My previous cat Meme died alone at night when I was on a trip, my best human friend Lance discovered her when he came to feed her in the mourning.
I've always felt guilty that I wasn't there for her.
I feel it the least we can do is hold them when the go into the night.


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## rothenb1 (Sep 30, 2010)

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Your story brought me to tears. Samantha was absolutely gorgeous, and you were clearly a good papa-- 15 and a half years is a long, lovely life. She will be waiting for you at The Bridge


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

It's been 7 weeks now and while Chiquita is thriving I still have a broken heart.
It's very strange how we choose our soul mates.
Like I previously posted Samantha was indifferent to me when I chose her, I should have picked her half sister as she jumped in my lap and climbed into my carrier.
But there was something about Samantha that attracted me besides the fact that she was drop dead gorgeous.
I think in a house with 2 litters of kittens she didn't get all the attention she deserved or needed, not Susan the breeders fault, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.
Samantha was never needy and she warned up to me quickly.
I think our personalities meshed rather well.
She wasn't a clingy in your face kind of cat, she was very sweet and liked to sit next to you, but not too close and receive pets and grooming.
She was an independent cat who could entertain herself if I was doing something else or if not we'd spend hours playing together.
If I was online doing work she'd lay on the chair near me and watch me without demanding attention.
When ever I pulled into my drive way no matter how late I could look to the kitchen window and see her waiting for me, as I'd get out of my car she'd jump down and I'd hear her greeting me as I opened the door.
I've been beating myself up about her sudden illness and having to let her go but I took an inventory of our life together and she lived a very good life.
I'm assuming her first 6 months were happy, I got her when she was 6 months old and she passed away 5 days after her 16th birthday.
In that time she was never really sick, under the weather for a day or two a couple times.
She was never injured, I did step on her accidentally a couple of times but no damage done, she was never abused or went hungry ever, she was always loved and cared for.
I always praised her and told her how pretty she was and how much Papa loved her, she absolutely glowed when Praised so I praised her every chance I got.
She lived a great life, 1 bad day doesn't cancel out 5849 good days.
It doesn't fill the void or repair the hole in my heart, but at least I know I was a Good Papa and I provided her with a very good life.


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