# Cat jealous of new baby



## Dee (May 26, 2010)

We got a cat, mandy, 5 years ago. At the time we were a couple and it was just the two of us and the cat. After 2 years I finished college and got a full time job. We thought Mandy might be lonely with me at work so we got her a friend. The two cats do not get on at all and since we got him a friend Mandy began occasionally peeing around the house. This was annoying but it didnt happen a lot. 

In April we had our first baby. Since then Mandy (who had always slept on our bed) is not allowed in our room. Since that day (6 weeks ago) she has either peed or pooped somewhere every single day. Literally every day. It has gotten to the point where she will do it openly when we are looking at her. She has even peed on the kitchen table and in the baby's carrycot.

Since she cant be trusted we have now had to lock her out of all the bedrooms which makes the peeing and pooping worse coz she is upset that half the house is now boxed off - though thats her own fault. 

Weve tried both scolding her and weve tried giving her treats and extra attention to see if she were less insecure if she would pee less, but to no avail. 

Its hard for me coz I have to go around the house closing every door behind me and constantly checking every room to make sure there is no baby stuff left out for the cat to pee on. My husband is at his wits end and is likely to just snap and chuck her out. I really want to help the cat, but her issue seems to be that she cant get into our room to sleep, this is never going to reversed so i cant see an end to the peeing.

Can anyone help me stop the cat from doing this? If we cant solve this she will have to go as I cant have a baby living in a house that stinks of cat pee and where she could constantly be coming into contact with cat faeces.


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## Dave_L (Jul 31, 2008)

You said you tried giving her extra attention. Maybe you could try that again, but to a greater extent.


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## Minami Kaori (May 24, 2009)

> Since she cant be trusted we have now had to lock her out of all the bedrooms which makes the peeing and pooping worse coz she is upset that half the house is now boxed off - though *thats her own fault.*


I have to be honest here, if that's your true view of a cat's behavior, it would be better for Mandy if you can find her a good home. 
Not a shelter, mind you, but another, good home, where you can trust the people will take care of her.

It seems to me that you don't have the time, energy, and let's be honest, the patience and love to teach Mandy what's going on.
It would take a LOT more than treats for a few days for Mandy to stop peeing and pooping everywhere. Scolding especially doesn't help.

The fact that you shut Mandy out of your bedroom cold turkey where she has been allowed to be in all her life so far, made her turn to one of the only things available for a cat to let you know she's disappointed in you: peeing and pooping everywhere but the litterbox.
Hence, when you shut her out of all the other rooms you don't allow her to go into, the disappointment deepened, and the peeing/pooping out of place worsened.
It's very obvious. And it's not your cat's fault.

Maybe someone else will have a better advice for you.


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## mimitabby (Apr 20, 2010)

the cat isn't jealous, it's traumatized. You need to rehome her.
She was once a treasured member of your family, now she's an outcast. She's justifiably upset.
I think you need to open up your doors and let this cat have some time around you and your baby.


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## hoofmaiden (Sep 28, 2009)

You know, I always counsel people I know who have pets and who are planning to have kids to start working w/ the animal the SECOND they know they are pregnant. Most won't bother, but those who do have no problems. The animal cannot possibly understand why things were one way yesterday and today life is topsy-turvy. Excluding the kitty from the BR, esp. w/ no notice, on top of the fact that suddenly she's getting far less attention than before, results in stress. She may be marking b/c of the stress or the stress may have resulted in her getting a UTI, but the end result is the same. 

When you have a kid you have almost 9 mos to plan. There really is no reason to lock the cat out of the bedroom, and certainly it would be better not to change that. But if you must do so, the time to get her used to it is well in advance, so that you can do it gradually, with understanding and compassion, rather than throwing it at her on top of all the other changes.

Something as simple as getting baby doll and a CD of a crying baby can make a huge difference in how well animals are able to accept new babies--by the time the real thing arrives, they are already used to the noise and the fact that you'll sometimes be focused on someone else.

It’s also important to make the animal a part of the childcare rituals. If the kitty gets a treat and cuddles from you whenever you go to tend to the baby, you’ll end up w/ a kitty who loves your baby, and who sees your baby as a source of good things, not a horrible interloper who ruined her life.

Try to see it from the cat’s POV. It’s not “jealousy”—it’s fear, worry, and stress. And it’s not her fault how she acts—it’s yours for not taking the time to prepare her better. If you’re willing to try to fix this, it can be fixed. If you’re not, finding her a home with people who will value her might be a better idea.


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## Dee (May 26, 2010)

Hoofmaiden, The cat is locked out of the bedroom because the baby sleeps in there with us in a moses basket - are you saying that we should let the cat sleep in there whilst we are asleep and the baby is asleep? Thats never going to happen! What if he jumped into the basket?

Also, we did try to address this before the baby came- we rang a woman in a local cat charity/shelter when I was pregnant and we spoke to her about what we should do when the baby came coz this cat is not the friendliest of creatures and had hissed at a friends child when it approached it. 
She suggested keeping the cat out of the bedroom before the baby came so it would be used to not sleeping with us when the baby arrived. So in the month before the baby was born we started trying to keep the cat out of the room at night, but she would just stay out there howling and scratching the door to be let in and eventually I would cave and let her in (coz I love her and I hated hearing her upset). YEs we should have been stronger at keeping her out before the baby came, but either way whether it was before or after baby was born there was going to come a day where she would no longer be allowed to sleep in our room.

When the baby came that HAD to be the end to the cat sleeping in our room (seriously, are there people who let a cat sleep in the same room as a baby in a moses basket?). We tried to get her used to not sleeping with us before the baby was born but to no avail, and now shes acting out.

Some of you seem to think Im just a bad person with no patience. Im not. We love this cat dearly, we are just at the end of our rope with the smell of cat pee and poo everywhere. 

Other than letting the cat back into the bedroom (under our bed is one of her most favoured peeing spots and I wont have the baby sleeping and inhaling the smell of cat pee, plus there is the risk he could jump into the basket) does anyone know how to make this stop. 

I realise he is stressed, but I have a 6 week old baby and a house thats covered in wee and faeces.

Ill try again/harder to give her extra cuddles and give her loves when the baby is around so she feels included - but I have tried that already and really hoped it would make a difference, but there are times where I have cuddled her, fed her treats and she has walked out into the hall and weed.


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## hoofmaiden (Sep 28, 2009)

Dee said:


> Hoofmaiden, The cat is locked out of the bedroom because the baby sleeps in there with us in a moses basket - are you saying that we should let the cat sleep in there whilst we are asleep and the baby is asleep? Thats never going to happen! What if he jumped into the basket?


Well . . . what if? What do you think would happen? Do you believe the old "cats smother babies" old wives tale? They don't. You can also use a crib net if you're unconvinced. I wouldn't leave the kid and baby alone together, just as I don't leave cats and dogs alone together (b/c misunderstandings happen and it's my job to prevent them), but as long as the baby is sleeping in your room, I would have you ALL sleep there. Eventually the baby will get his/her own room, and I would then lock the kitty out of that room at night and have her sleep w/ you.

Howver, I’m not really getting the feeling from you you're interested in really working on this. She is not "acting out." She's not a child, she's a cat. We are willing to help you here, but I don't think that's possible as long as you have what seems to be an adversarial attitude towards the kitty.


> Some of you seem to think Im just a bad person with no patience. Im not. We love this cat dearly, we are just at the end of our rope with the smell of cat pee and poo everywhere.


She needs a trip to the vet’s for a urinalysis to make sure she isn’t brewing a UTI or crystals (urinary tract problems can be triggered by stress). Cats do not just start urinating inappropriately for no reason, nor do they do it to punish you. If you honestly want to work this out, a complete workup at the vet’s is the first step.


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## Dee (May 26, 2010)

I dont think she would murder the baby by suffocating it no, but I think it weighs about twice what the baby does and if it jumped into the moses basket from a height such as our bed, or a dresser, and landed on the baby it would do her some damage - Im not willing to take any chances where a newborn is concerned.

I wouldnt leave a cat and a baby alone together either, but if we are asleep then we are not supervising the cat and its better to be safe than sorry. Plus there is the very real chance that the cat would wee in the babys moses basket, just like she weed in her carry cot. 

I had thought about letting the cat back in once the baby was in her own room, but then when we have another child the cat will be back out again so I think it would be better to leave the cat out of our room for good now. 

The cat coming back into the room is not an option.

I *am* trying to work this out -thats why I rang the cat charity, thats why I found this forum, thats why I clean up pee and poop every day, thats why she still lives with us when every one we know thinks we are crazy to keep her, and why we still love her despite the many things she has ruined in the past by weeing on them (our wedding invites before we sent them out, and my wedding veil for example). We are not bad people, but this cat is not easy to live with.

I dont think she will be happy until we turn back time and go back to the good old days of me, my husband and her alone. She cant accept change, I know many cats are like that, but things change in everyones life. I dont have an adverarial attitude to the cat, I love the cat, thats why Im trying to find a solution that doesnt involve giving her away. Im adversarial to cat pee and poo everywhere for the last 6 weeks (and on and off for the last few years).

I know the cat is unhappy coz we had a baby and wont let her our room, but I cant change the fact we have a baby. We tried to gradually lock her out, and Ill admit I shoudlve been stronger, but if I was weak it was out of love for the creature.

Im not looking to be judged, Im looking for help.


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## hoofmaiden (Sep 28, 2009)

If you're truly looking for help, the first step is a vet visit. Period. That's always the first step. Again: stress triggers UTIs. The kitty needs a urinalysis at the barest minimum (and I would do bloodwork as well).

If you get a truly 100% clear bill of health, then you can work on other things. But you cannot in all fairness when you may well be dealing with a cat w/ a medical problem.


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## Dave_L (Jul 31, 2008)

Could this help?

http://www.feliway.com/us/Stress-and-Ca ... s-for-cats


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## Bethany (Jul 19, 2006)

I think the thing that's setting people off is the remark that the fact she's shut out of the house is "her own fault." It's not her fault. She's a cat. Her world has changed in an upsetting and scary way, and she doesn't understand, and she's scared and confused and stressed, and she's reacting. She's not doing it to spite you or to get back at you. She's just doing it because that's apparently how she reacts to stress and scary new changes. She doesn't even understand that for a human, a cat peeing or pooping someplace other than the litter box is bothersome, or that in our minds it ruins things. So she doesn't -- CAN'T -- ever really understand why her elimination is even a problem in the first place.

I agree that it would have been good to have started working on the problem before the baby came -- after all, you knew from introducing the other cat that Mandy reacts to stressful introductions with inappropriate elimination, so this shouldn't have come as a surprise! But that's water under the bridge now. Hindsight is always 20/20.

I think the thing to do is to go to the vet (as Hoofmaiden suggested) and, if she gets a clean bill of health, start reading up on how to deal with litterbox issues. I don't have a ton of advice on this issue (although there are some good sticky threads here that do). I do know that one thing you'll need to do is use an enzymatic cleaner like Nature's Miracle to clean EVERYWHERE she's eliminated inappropriately. (You need a special enzymatic cleaner to totally remove the smell -- a normal cleaner might remove the smell to your nose, but not to hers! Nature's Miracle sells solution to use in steam cleaners, if that helps.) You can use a black light to see areas she's eliminated that are no longer visible to you, but which still smell to her -- pet stores sell these specifically for this purpose. This is important because as long as she can smell where she's gone in the past, she'll smell that spot and think "toilet" and thus that it's an OK spot to go.

It's too bad that this happened now when you already are busy with the new baby, but there not much else for it. We can't explain to cats that their behavior is causing problems and that they need to change. All we can do is change OUR behavior in ways that, hopefully, cause them to change their behavior in response.

Do know that if you surrender a cat with serious elimination problems to an animal shelter, she's almost certainly going to be put to sleep -- even if she would do OK in a home without a baby or another cat, so if you do decide to re-home her, do it carefully. But it sounds like this level of seriousness is a recent occurrence, so I think there's a good chance you can work it out.

Congratulation on the new arrival, by the way.


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## nanook (Jun 12, 2005)

> It’s not “jealousy”—it’s fear, worry, and stress.


This is the most important thing to remember. Not only has her routine changed (very distressing for cats!) but there are new smells and sounds and some alien creature in _her_ territory! Yikes! 
...congratulations on the human baby, by the way!
Certainly, first thing is a trip to the vet! A UTI is very likely under this kind of stress and must be ruled out or diagnosed treated.
Then clean the house like crazy with an enzymatic cleaner like Nature's Miracle. Regular cleansers won't cut it. Check out the sticky at the top "things that saved my home" for a great step by step. It's important to completely eliminate the smell or they tend to keep going around the house.
I know it's very frustrating but, scolding or punishing her is completely counter productive. She needs reassurance, a ton of patience and love. As hoofmaiden said, include her in the routine as much as you can. This can be resolved but it will take time, understanding (from the cats point of view) and patience.
Feliway defusers seem to be really helpful in these cases and some Bach Flower Rescue Remedy as well.
I know your probably dead tired and this is the last thing you need with a new baby but...take a deep breath, it _can_ be done!


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## Dee (May 26, 2010)

NAnook and Bethany, thanks so much for the replies. I know I didnt come across as very understanding in those first few posts, but Im only fed up with the smell of pee and the lack of hygeine worrying about preparing bottles on surfaces that once had cat poo on them - Im not fed up with the cat, just her behavior. I would never bring her to a shelter, if it came to it we would only ever rehome her, but I dont want to rehome her, I want to keep her...just not sleeping in our room.

I will bring her to the vets as soon as I can (not easy right now!) and Im working on the extra attention - eg shes on my lap right now, and last night I brought a duvet down to the sitting room and we both slept underneath it for a while whilst watching TV (she used to sleep under the covers in our room in the pre-baby days). Ill order Feliway and Natures Miracle also.

Like I said we did try to address this before the baby came, but we werent consistent enough and would end up just letting her back into the bedroom anyway to stop her from howling. We have two cats and the other one, BamBam, has had no problems adjusting to the new regime/baby/sleeping arrangements and has never weed anywhere other than the litter trat - I guess we just need stop comparing Mandy to BamBam and just try harder to deal with her insecurity. Weeing on my possessions was one thing, but weeing on the babies stuff was what was driving me nuts, hence I didnt come across as the kindest of owners in my first post.

Thanks for the replies anyway.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Dee said:


> Since that day (6 weeks ago) she has either peed or pooped somewhere every single day. Literally every day. It has gotten to the point where she will do it openly when we are looking at her. She has even peed on the kitchen table and in the baby's carrycot.


First, I understand that you are frustrated. You are a new Mom and you are trying very hard to keep your home sanitary for your newborn and yourselves. 
Next, I also think people are reacting to the 'fault' comment. I know *I* had a knee-jerk reaction to it, but as I read through all of the replies, my reaction certainly lowered in intensity as I see that you *do* love your kitty and you *want* to help work this out with her. Cats just don't think in terms of punishing someone, they react to the environment around them. They can only communicate in gestures ... and this 'gesture' of inappropriate elimination is the only way for her to tell you she is having a problem. Please listen to her. (_I'll copy/paste something for you to read_.)
Finally, you made a comment about her doing this openly and *that* is a *huge* flag she is waving for you to see, by doing this *and* looking at you, she is trying to tell you something. Listen to her!


I wrote this some time ago as a response for someone else but the information remains relevant and lately I seem to be getting a LOT of use out of it. First get a veterinary UTI exam/sample for diagnosis and proceed from there with pursuing any behavioral or environment issues, but the UTI *must* be ruled out FIRST. _If your cat(s) is/are male, just replace she/her with he/him._ 
I apologize if this sounds blunt, it isn’t meant to be, it is simply the most expedient way for me to share all of the information you need to be informed.
=^..^=

Inapropriate Urination / UTI
*The NUMBER ONE REASON CATS PEE INAPPROPRIATELY = Urinary Tract Inflamation. (UTI)* 
Diagnosis is with a vet checking a urine sample. There is no other way to diagnose this medical problem. Depending on diagnosis (_infection, inflamation, crystals_) treatment can include antibiotics, anti-inflamatories and/or a diet change to help get more moisture into their elimination systems.

Cats are naturally neat and tidy animals.
They *know* what a litterbox is for.
If a cat is *not* using their litterbox, they are trying to *tell you something* and you need to listen.

AFTER a veterinary visit and UTI has been eliminated as a problem, then you can move on to examining other areas:
Has the home been stressful for the cat? _...cats can develop UTIs due to stress..._
Does the cat like the litterbox? _...open-tray, hooded, deep enough litter, large enough box..._
Does the cat like the location of the litterbox? _...is it in a quiet area, low traffic and no sudden noises..._
Does the cat like the litter used? _...some cats prefer different litters..._
Does the cat approve of how clean the litterbox is kept for it? _...many cats will refuse to use 'dirty', and especially *smelly* litterboxes..._
Are the litterboxes arranged in such a manner as they cannot become a trap? ... _some multi cat households can have a problem with another cat either guarding the LBs or waiting to ambush a cat exiting a LB in an effort to play_

Cats WANT to use a litterbox to hide their waste. If they are not, it is because there is some sort of problem and avoiding the litterbox is The Only Way for the cat to tell you It Is Having A Problem. If you and your family are annoyed at this behavior, imagine how *frustrating* and *painful* this is for your cat, who is trying to tell you in every way she has available to her: She Is Having A Problem. UTI's are painful and the kitty tries to find places to pee where maybe it *won't* be painful, like soft piles of clothes, bedding and rugs. When the pain *still* isn't going away by peeing on soft things, they start to pee on 'smooth' things like floors, tables, sinks, tubs, stoves and countertops. IMO, when a cat reaches the point of peeing on your countertops AND/OR peeing *_right in front of you while looking you in the eyes_* ... please don't get upset, the kitty is simply trying to tell you she has something wrong with her.

After medical treatment, diet can play a large role in helping to keep UTI's at bay; more moisture, as in a wet food or RAW diet. Even a better quality dry food and not feeding "McKittyCrack" (_which is what I call grocery-store available catfoods_) can help the kitty stay healthy. There are plenty of topics in the Health/Nutrition Forums to help you find a good catfood and/or diet for your kitty during and after treatment.

Good luck, we really *want* you to be able to help your kitty. Please let us know how things go...the information you share could help other people in similar situations, too.
heidi =^..^=


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## Dee (May 26, 2010)

Heidi n Q said:


> UTI's are painful and the kitty tries to find places to pee where maybe it *won't* be painful, like soft piles of clothes, bedding and rugs. When the pain *still* isn't going away by peeing on soft things, they start to pee on 'smooth' things like floors, tables, sinks, tubs, stoves and countertops. IMO, when a cat reaches the point of peeing on your countertops AND/OR peeing[/color] *_right in front of you while looking you in the eyes_* ... please don't get upset, the kitty is simply trying to tell you she has something wrong with her.




Hey Heidi, thanks for that - I never knew that before but it sounds exactly like that shes been doing - first it was the carpets and the carry cot, then she moved onto the floors and tables, and is now doing it whilst looking right at us. She does need to go to the vet, will bring her as soon as I get a chance. I have been trying not get upset at her, but its hard when theres a baby to think of. Thanks for the reply, it was really informative.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Dee said:


> Hey Heidi, thanks for that - I never knew that before but it sounds exactly like that shes been doing - first it was the carpets and the carry cot, then she moved onto the floors and tables, and is now doing it whilst looking right at us. She does need to go to the vet, will bring her as soon as I get a chance. I have been trying not get upset at her, but its hard when theres a baby to think of. Thanks for the reply, it was really informative.


Whew! I am soooo glad that you were receptive to what I was saying.  Having a cat do this *is* frustrating because it is pee, she's doing it in very unsanitary areas and we have to LIVE there and/or EAT off of those surfaces! :yikes I'm very glad my description of the progression of the medical problem was explicit enough for you to recognize everything your cat progressed through, too. I think that is what creates the biggest problem; people get too wrapped up in anger/dismay at the cat and don't stop to consider *why* the cat is doing what they are doing ... beyond the person's immediate frustration, ick-factor and anger.
Kitty doesn't want to do this. Kitty doesn't know how to tell you something is wrong. She has to show you. 
...and so many people just get frustrated and angry and wind up either confining the cat to a tiny bathroom, throwing the cat outside or sending it to the pound. Thank The Heavens you came to CF to ask for advice. :luv Now your kitty has a chance to get a medical issue resolved so she can return to being comfortable and happy. 
Please try to get her seen by the vet ASAP so any treatment can begin right away. It may take a bit for her litterbox avoidance to stop, she may still remember the pain and keep avoiding the litterbox for a bit. You could try using a 'cat attract' litter by Dr. Elsey, it is pricey, but really worth it if it can attract your kitty back to the litterbox quicker as any UTI is treated and the pain removed.
Best of luck,h =^..^=


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