# Can't get over losing Paddy



## Kerry1976 (Jan 5, 2011)

Ok, so some of you may have read my first posts (the reason I joined the forum really) about the fact that I lost one of my kittens to the road outside my house. This happened on 30th November and although I know it's not that long I am still crying about it all the time. I just can't seem to get over it. I absolutely hate driving home as I picture pulling up outside my house and our neighbours standing around looking at him, like they were on that day (he was still alive and in pain when I got there).

Has anyone got any tips at all? There must be something I can do to get past this.


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## Nan (Oct 11, 2010)

I don't have my kindle at work...there was a good book I read for pet grief last fall. I'll post tonight when I can look it up. You are experiencing grief and need to work through it. You will always feel love for your pet and maybe sadness, but the sadness will fade in time.

Some of the things they mentioned in the book were.
Journaling - write down your feelings. Write down who you were angry with about your pets death; situations you were angry with; what you did or didn't do that made you angry.
Making a memorial. Gathering pictures; putting them in a book and writing down the memories so you can remember the good things.


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## Pawsitively Nicole (Feb 12, 2011)

The memorial thing is a wonderful idea. When I loss Snickers I only had 3 pictures of her, but I longed for more wishing I could make a scrapbook in her memory. It would have helped me with my grief. When I was working at a shelter I viewed those cats as my babies until someone adopted them. So it hit me hard when one would pass away. I would grieve for weeks. One way I coped was by making myself a rock garden. Every time one passed away I would write their name on a rock and place it in the garden. Those were my babies that passed on, I was the last mama they ever knew. It was like a burial ground to me, I can talk to them there and feel like they are with me when I am at the rock garden. It also made me feel like I had a piece of them with me. A rock is not something that fades quickly, especially protected like these ones are. It helped me feel like the cats still had a permanent place here with me that can't be taken away.

I wish there was something I could recommend that would ease the pain, but I can't. It took me about 3 months before I could enter the house without crying. Whenever I would come home she used to be right there, kneading and purring loudly. She was always so excited when I came home. Things felt empty without her there. It was a year before I was able to even look at another cat again. 

I wrote this on another thread as far as coping with loss, I don't know if it will help but perhaps it will: I'm not sure I coped well with it. I was suffering severely with depression at this time, and at the time she had given me a source of happiness. She made me feel loved and needed. Then she was gone. I got her tag and put it on a chain. I wore it every day under my clothes, close to my heart. I was so scared of her memory fading, like I would lose her. I only got 3 pictures of her and a small video. I would look at them constantly and apologize to her, that I didn't find her sooner and get her help sooner. The vet sent me the poem of the Rainbow Bridge. I taped it up in my living room and clung to it's words. I couldn't bare to see her stuff or the room I set up all for her. I cleared everything out and threw it away, then shut the door to that room and didn't go back in (we moved 3 months later). I don't think I coped well. I remember just crying and crying.

Everyone deals with grief differently. Some go right out and get another cat and that helps them cope. Others like me need a chance to feel the loss before we could possibly give our hearts to another cat. Allow yourself to feel your grief for as long as it takes and cope in the way that feels right for you.

I am sorry for the loss of your baby. It is so hard when they leave this earth and take a piece of your heart with them atback


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## Nan (Oct 11, 2010)

The book is "The Loss of a Pet" by Wallace Sife. I just looked: Amazon UK also has the book. (I realized I can look up my order history on the Amazon kindle site).

I had to PTS my cat Sophie last June. I thought I was doing pretty good with the grief in August and it resurfaced in Sept when I started looking at cats.


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## Kerry1976 (Jan 5, 2011)

Thanks so much guys. I'm going to take all the ideas on board and give it a go. I haven't really been able to look at photos of him as it's so upsetting but want to have one put on canvas so I think I need to do that - maybe it will be good therapy to go through the pics.


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## konstargirl (Feb 4, 2011)

Aww!! Sorry to hear about your cat.  At least Paddy is at a safe place now.


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## jbishop928 (Feb 26, 2011)

I think getting a canvas picture made would be a good memorial. I am so sorry for you loss.


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## Kerry1976 (Jan 5, 2011)

Thanks again. It's so hard, I can't quite imagine how I'll get through the other side of it sometimes and I know people think I'm mad as it has been three months now but hey, if they had to find a loved one like that I think they may feel differently........


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## my5kitties (Sep 13, 2005)

Kerry1976 said:


> Thanks again. It's so hard, I can't quite imagine how I'll get through the other side of it sometimes and I know people think I'm mad as _it has been three months now_ but hey, if they had to find a loved one like that I think they may feel differently........


You know, everyone grieves differently. You take as much time as YOU need. Don't let *ANYONE* tell you that you've had enough time to grieve. Only *you* can make that distinction. You had a traumatic experience with your Paddy, so of course you're going to grieve harder than if he had passed away peacefully in his sleep. And though my Smokey wasn't hit by a car, I was traumatized because he went into cardiac arrest while we were singing "Happy Birthday" to my oldest son. And when we rushed Smokey to the emergency vet, I KNEW he was dying and that he wouldn't be coming home with me. Can you imagine...one minute, you're celebrating your child's birthday (well...adult child. My son turned 19) and then the next, you're sitting in a car, next to your dying cat, crying your eyes out? That's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And now, my son's birthday will always have an asterisk by because it will also be the anniversary of my heart kitty's death. So go on grieve... It's been almost a month and a half since I lost Smokey, and I'm still grieving.

atback


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## BryanOwnee (Feb 21, 2011)

I'm very sorry for your lossatback
In the memory of your kitten you could rescue another one from a shelter. There are thousands of cats waiting for home and love.


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