# Shy/Timid/Nervous Cat - Tried the Advice, now what?



## jaybeebrad (Jul 31, 2011)

I have an 8 year old female cat named Mischief who I recently took in from a friend whose elderly mother could no longer care for her. She has been checked out by the vet and has no medical issues or problems. I knew that when she moved in there would be a period of timidness, shyness, hiding etc...

When she first arrived she hid under my bed immediately, and eventually found new and exciting places to hide all day even though I tried desperately to cat proof. (Who knew there was a gap behind my kitchen cabinetry!?)

It's been two weeks though, and her behavior is still nervous. Having read up on how to handle things, I took an entire bedroom in my house that is unused and set it up especially for her. I put her litter box in the middle of the room and put her water and food in the room. For a few days I closed the door and checked in on her often, and she wanted me to let her out but I resisted because I wanted her to have a smaller space she could claim as her own.

Even the bedroom, though, she would retreat to the furthest-back point of the closet. And after a few days I started leaving the bedroom door open but she still stayed back in that closet.

However through all of this time (excluding when she slipped back behind the kitchen cabinets) she has been easily coaxed out from hiding. Just a little attention gets her to come right over to me and she immediately begins purring, rubbing herself all over me, longing to be pet. This would make me believe that she is not afraid of me, just of the scariness of her surroundings and the feeling that this is not yet her home.

Today I closed the closet doors so that she can no longer hide in there, and left her bedroom door open. So now she has taken to hiding under the couch in the living room, something I simply can't prevent unless I get rid of my couch (not going to happen.)

I guess my question is: what next? I feel like 2 weeks is short and I'm being unreasonable. I just wish I knew what would make her feel safe. She seems so content to come to me when I come near, but as soon as I step away she retreats rather than to follow me for more affection/attention.

Your thoughts are appreciated!:catmilk


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## Olivers-Slave (Jul 25, 2010)

took me a month with hana for her to even come up to me. but she was also very sick and I was regularly having to corner and grab her to take her to the vet....soooo trust building was hard.

alright be ready for a long read

-first things lock her in one single room. Make it her territory. Start spending time in that room as much as possible. but don't interact with her. totally ignore her. even if she starts comming out. 

-If she comes up to you, hold out your hand, don't reach for her, let her come the extra few inches. Make sure you let her finish every step not YOU comming at her. otherwise it will just make her want to run.

-keep her in this single room for a week to two weeks. basically till she starts getting curious on whats on the OTHER side of that door. 

-once you do get to the step of letting her out of the room, its back to step one, hang out and ignore her completely. if you have to walk by her, don't look down at her, don't talk to her, just normally walk right by.

The reason for all this ignoring is because if you look at them it intimidates them and they run. while they are exploring their new home they are expecting you to pounce and gobble em up...or at least that's how hana looked when she first came into the family. 

Once she realizes you arn't going to pounce her or grab her when she tries to walk around the house, she will relax. Even to this day hana gets scared if you come at her to fast. She bounces back like 1 min later to check you out, but she still runs. 

-a good tip to get her to slowly start moving her food dish closer and closer to you each day. start it with close to her, then inch it towards where you are gunna be hanging.
-try long reaching toys, I would tie a knot on a length of string and tease her with it. 
-took a weekish but eventually she would be climbing into my lap to get it before she realized that she was actually on me and would run back lol. another week and she was totally cool with it and comming up to me for pets and such​-she also didnt like to be picked up or handled and would freak out but dunno if thats a problem for ya. but if it is I'll be willing ta give you some tips on that too  

Hopefully these things I did with hana help you with your new arrival!!!


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Someone dumped Meme in the office park where I used to work and the girls rescued her.
She didn't get along with the alpha office cat Riley so Barbara the owner took her home but she cried so much Barbara brought her back.
During this time she'd marked me to be her human but I worked in the shop at the other end of the warehouse and only briefly spent time in the offices.
Meme escaped into the warehouse and when upstairs into the loft above the offices and refused to come out.
I then took over feeding her I first just left her food at the top of the stairs, then I would sit at the top of the stairs and pet her while she ate.
She looked forward to these visits, I then moved her food to the bottom of the stairs and I would call her down each mourning.
All of this took place over several months time.
Then one day she followed me to the shop and after that every mourning I'd call her and she'd come down stairs and spent the day near my desk at the shop.
She started to become a confident kitty, she would sit in the sun at the warehouse doors and guard the warehouse against the feral cats, if one came too close she'd charge it and run it off.
One day when I wasn't there she accidentally got locked out at closing time.
When I discover her missing I was furious at the girls for not making sure she was in before they closed the warehouse.
She was missing for 2 days, I finally came back in the evening of the 2nd day when it was quite and called for her, I heard a faint meow from the juniper bushes across the street and walked over and continued to call until my scared little girl came out, tired and hungry and very happy to see her Papa.
That Christmas when we closed the office for the holidays I took her home and she spent her remaining years with me.
She went for an emotional wreck who was afraid of everything to a confident happy kitty who wasn[t afraid to defend her turf.
All it took was time, patients and a lot of love.
Meme helped me as much as I helped her, she taught me about unconditional love.


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## Rocky_Raccoon (Jun 7, 2011)

what a wonderful story, bob, thank you for sharing  You're a wonderful person and a great father to your cat's. The world is blessed to have a man like you in it!


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## jaybeebrad (Jul 31, 2011)

I certainly appreciate your helpful response, and there is some good info in there. There's also some info that contradicts things I already said, and some that kind of conflicts with absolutely every single resource I've read on the topic. So it's added some confusion.

As I said, I have given her an entire bedroom and put her kitty litter box, uncovered, in the middle of the room. I have put toys and a cat bed and a blanket and her food and water in there. Her instinct was to go back as far into the closet as she could, so I shut the closet completely. After a few days of going in to visit her and her very actively coming *to me*, and also her desperately wanting OUT of the room, I began leaving the door open. So in terms of her 'getting curious about what's on the other side of the door'; I would say that meowing at the closed door, rubbing against my legs when I'm standing near it and attempting to bolt from the room constitutes curiosity!

In terms of completely ignoring her - this just really dramatically completely contradicts everything I've read by professionals, vets and so forth. They all say to constantly talk while in the presence of the cat so that she gets used to your presence and voice.

As my original post said, she has exhibited no intimidation over *ME*. She comes to me, purrs, rubs back and forth all over me, wants to be pet...but first I have to come where she's hiding and say her name. She runs right over to me! It is the big scary house that she seems afraid of.

I do like your suggestions about the long toys though, that seems like a great trick! Again, though, your response seems to be focusing entirely on getting the cat to be comfortable with *ME*, and I was pretty detailed and specific about how that wasn't the issue and how comfortable she is with being pet, held and interacted with. :kittyturn


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## littlesushi (Jun 8, 2011)

i would say, give it time. 2 weeks is not a long time for a kitty to be adjusted, i think. i can only speak for kittens and not adult cats but, we kept aster and cody when they were kittens just in our bedroom for 2 weeks before letting them get the full run of the house.

it's been a little over 2 months now, and though our kittens are fully bonded with us (greet us when they hear the garage door opening and closing - means mommy and daddy are home), follow us around everywhere, and love kisses and snuggles (on their terms), they will still hide when they hear the doorbell or hear the front door open. then after whoever comes in, they will come out to greet the guests (aster a little faster than cody). 

they still like napping and hanging in certain hidey spots from time to time (like under our bed or under the dining room table), and i dont think its so much them feeling nervous about anything in particular, but they are places that they see as safe and quiet. 

that's great that she has bonded to you well. some cats are shier than others. it might take her a little time, but hopefully she will settle in with her new environment soon!


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## praline (Jun 3, 2011)

This is going to get long ~ I know it now lol
But several years ago I adopted a severely abused dog who was so timid she would have heart failure if you approached her to quickly. At the time, chokers and force were the norm. I knew this was not going to work for my poor girl so I did do a lot of reading and met with several behaviorist and asked so many questions that I think I drove them nuts lol

Here are some things that might help and have helped with other friends/family who found themselves with a timid pet.
Understand however I am personally against taking away their secure spots. I really hate this as you are forcing them to confront something they are not ready to confront just yet. It is different if its a medical emergency but for therapy and reintroductions, I am not a fan of it.

1. Sit down and see things through her eyes. Not a quicky little look but really put yourself in her shoes. How would you react to certain things?
Here is a really good "story" article written by a very good animal behaviorist. This is about dogs but its still very good when you apply cat thinking in this way.
Care & Training Tips | Extract from The Culture Clash by Jean Donaldson

2. Now that we are seeing things through her eyes, Lets try and encourage her to come out on her own rather then taking hiding spots away. It will take a very long time but will be much better and she will be more secure and feel safer with you.

3. Next talk to the old lady about her cat. Spend some time asking where the cat slept normally, what were her habits? Don't scare the old lady and say the cat isn't doing well, just explain you want to understand her life before she came to you so you can offer the best care. Also, you might see if the old lady is willing to part with a piece of old clothing. If the cat and her were close, this might help her adjust to the new surroundings. Play this by ear however... if you don't like what your hearing "bonding" wise then don't bother. If old lady and cat were close there is a really good chance the cat is not only stressed but also grieving for its owner. double whammie.

4. Now you have all of this information about your cat, your ready. Find a treat that she LOVES. Tuna most likely will be the best at first. It can get addictive but when working with timid animals you need to apply the "reward is worth the work" policy. Would you cut 5 acres of pasture and weed eat for 50 cents? I know I wouldn't!!! Would you do it for a 100 grand? Get that lawnmower started, I am on my way!!!
Next, turn off the tv, music or anything loud in the house. You want it super quiet. Then gently toss the treat at her from her secure spot. Do not lure or tease or push her to come closer the first few times. You are not training her, you are building a trust with her. Way too soon to try and test this trust. Do this for very short periods as many times as you can during the day (give her maybe an hour break). After she is eating the treat you can add soft words of greeting. Use the same words every time, it might help to write the greeting down. Remember cats can't speak English so you want to use familiar words so she gets used to the greeting as a good thing ..greeting=treat
Say something such as "Hi sweety (name of cat) so glad to see you."
Or whatever..just keep it the same so she starts associating the 2.

Once you have gotten her where she is happy with her greeting, usually takes a few weeks... then start using the greeting not so close to her secure spot. At this point, let her do some of the work and come to you. Do not stare or even look at her. This will make her nervous. Keep your eyes downcast and your voice at a gentle whisper. No sudden movements! This is her trusting you .. don't screw it up :wink

Once she is doing this and has a trust in you, then you can start with showing her your environment and how much fun it is. Make sure to have many MANY climbing areas. You might have to empty shelves, book cases and fireplace mantels. Cats feel more secure when they are up high, it is in their nature. It sounds like you might have to teach her this however. Encourage her to get up off the ground and find her secure spots up. 
You will notice HUGE changes in any cat that has learned to climb up high. The world isn't near as scary this way to them!

From there as long as you don't break her trust, you should be able to work on the rest.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

Go over to the FERAL forum and look under Taming Ferals in the stickies. Read thru Heidi's Kitty Boot Camp and watching the 3 videos from the Urban Cat League. They have lots of good tips for bringing a cat around when you trying to socialize them. Im on my phone and havent figured out how to cut and paste yet. Good luck.


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## mimitabby (Apr 20, 2010)

Nice, Praline.


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## praline (Jun 3, 2011)

Its much easier to write then to do 
Its extremely difficult as it goes against our very nature. You will get frustrated ~ i know I did many times. Remember that article when you do... she knows your frustrated at her but she doesn't know why.
Take deep breaths and remain calm. The very moment you start getting frustrated is the time you stop. Cats can sense it even if you try and hide it


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

Another method that can work with a shy cat is almost the opposite of what's been suggested of isolating in a room. That is confining the cat to a large dog crate with it's litter box, food, water and having it in a room where people congregate....kitchen, family room or livingroom. The activity may be overwhelming at first and you could half cover the crate with a sheet, but after a while the cat accepts all the activity and people walking about and becomes acclimated to it. If it's a room that can be closed with doors all the better, and let the cat out to explore and interact with you at least twice a day. Yes I agree with talking to the cat and if it's rubbing up against the bars seeking cheek rubs, do give it attention. When the cat no longer is afraid of the activity of people coming and going and is actively asking to be let out, then do so, but don't let it retreat to some hiding place in the house. Gradually you should have to keep it in the dog crate.


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## praline (Jun 3, 2011)

The only bad thing about doing it this way is sometimes the animal can develop fear aggression.
An animal has flight or fight instincts. IF you take away the flight, expect a fight.

If you back off when the cat "fights" he will quickly learn that is the way to keep people away. This is extremely hard to change.

Forcing them to confront something they can't handle just yet can turn a shy cat into a fear biter and we dont want that.


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## praline (Jun 3, 2011)

Here is another way to look at the timid pet.

Pretend for a moment you are Jack the Bean Stalk. You have found yourself a pet of giants who have heads bigger then your entire body. You are thrown into a pretty cage and every few minutes your privacy is taken when the giant peeks in to check on you and sticks his huge finger through the bars to poke at you (he thinks he is petting you)

How freaked out would you be? Man I would crap my pants lololol

Then the giant lets you out of the cage but takes anything that looks remotely safe to you to run to and hide until you catch your breath away. GIVE ME MY LITTLE DARK CORNER OVER MEETING A GIANT FACE TO FACE ANY DAY LOLOL

This is what we are asking our timid pets to do. If we couldn't handle it well why should we expect them just to "come out of it" because we feed them. You have to treat any pet with respect if you want respect from them. You have to treat a pet how you would like to be treated if you want that pet to trust and love you. Pets don't love like humans do but they do trust and trust is so much more important to them then hugs and kisses.


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## Rocky_Raccoon (Jun 7, 2011)

praline said:


> Here is another way to look at the timid pet.
> 
> Pretend for a moment you are Jack the Bean Stalk. You have found yourself a pet of giants who have heads bigger then your entire body. You are thrown into a pretty cage and every few minutes your privacy is taken when the giant peeks in to check on you and sticks his huge finger through the bars to poke at you (he thinks he is petting you)
> 
> ...


I love your analogy, Praline  lol good thoughts! P.S. I would crap my pants too! lol


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## bkitty (Aug 17, 2009)

You said she was shy. Her personality may never be the outgoing kind of kitty. Give her lots more time. Cat was the shy type - I went to look at a litter of kittens & got sidetracked by a 6 mo old girl that required welding gloves to get in my car & another 2 days to pry out from under the car seat. The previous owners had given up on her & were going to shoot her. I only saw her when it was dark & for the first six months it was like living with a ghost. Then one day she turned into my heart kitty. For 18 years she ruled our home and most of our friends never saw her but she made sure she slept with us every night except for the time she claimed the linen closet & wouldn't come out for a couple of months except to come out when somebody was trapped on the potty to visit.. 
Relax, think of it as her needing the time to get used to a strange roommate and missing her person. She will come around it will just have to be on her terms.


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