# Russian Blue acts extremely fickle around me



## BF_HurtbyCat (May 8, 2015)

I recently started dating my current girlfriend about 4 months ago. She has a Russian Blue female cat that's just over a year old. Suffice to say, the cat's behavior has the both of us very confused, and I wanted to get some advice on what I can do to help make the situation better. 

A little background on me: I've grown up with dogs most of my life, but our family did have 2 Russian Blues at one point that always hung out by my side. We had zero issue with these cats.

Her cat, however, acts extremely fickle around me. One moment she is rubbing up on me wanting to play and the next she acts extremely scared and wants to run away. She's continuously played with me on frequent visits but if I'm walking around her or by her she tends to freak out and hiss at me. At one point when I tried to pet her one morning she even turned around and bit my hand. I did the INCORRECT response by slightly hitting her behind and telling her that wasn't nice. I realize that it was a mistake hitting her like that, and tried to make up with her. This event took place about 6 weeks ago. Her behavior remained just the same before. Some days she was very warm around me and some other days she acted really distant. I just assumed to leave her alone. 

This most recent event makes me curious if I did something else wrong, however.

I spent the night at my girlfriends house recently. She went up to go brush her teeth and left the door open slightly. Her cat came walking in and hung out by a table. I saw her and called her name and her head perked up. I wanted to pet her so I started moving out of bed to approach her. Well, when my feet set on the ground she got extremely startled. She immediately turned around really quickly and smacked her head extremely heard on one of the metal legs. She then quickly bolted out of the room and rushed downstairs. My main concern was her head hitting the table leg extremely hard like that. We both rushed downstairs to check on her, and found her hiding under the dining table. Her cat actually came out and rubbed up on my hand, then proceeded to return under the table and immediately began hissing at me. So I left her alone for the night. The next morning the cat was nervous around me but was ok with being near me. I figured she just spooked herself and it was ok.

I come back a couple of days later and when I walked into the house and called for my girlfriends name, she came running to me while I was on the stairs and started meowing and rubbing on me. I figured we were all cool. Well she hung around for us at night in the bedroom and my GF said I should try and play with her like before. But when I walk over to her she immediately retreats by the door (near where she hit her head) and wants to be let out. So I walk over to let her out and I can see her immediately get very tense and anxious. I let her out and say "goodbye cecilia" and she instantly turns and hisses at me while striking her hand towards me--even though I'm about 5 feet away. We checked on her later again downstairs and once again she comes up to me and acts fine... only to run away again shortly after. 

This was the most recent incident, but it's been like this for a couple of months now. She can seem very warm and welcoming for one moment, only to get extremely scared of me the next. Over the past few weeks I definitely tried to scale back my interaction with her by letting her come to me.

But it still seems that she doesn't fully trust me yet. I want to be comfortable around me. She really is one of the most unique cats I've been around in terms of her personality. My girlfriend sends me videos and photos of her and she can be downright hilarious and playful with her. I'd like to have the same relation with her if possible. I don't think it's a jealously thing, but perhaps more of a I'm invading her territory kind of issue. 

What are some ways I can help improve the relationship with this cat and make her feel more comfortable around me? Or is the a common trait between Russian Blues and strangers?


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

It sounds to me like she's a bit nervous- she's fine with you standing still but every time you move she reacts.

There's a few things you can do right off that might help:

Don't walk directly towards her, if at all possible. And don't look at her while you move.
Skittish cats may feel threatened if you look right at them as you move toward them, to a cat that can feel like a direct threat. You can diffuse this if you pointedly look away, and if you make an effort not to move directly towards her.

To encourage her to feel more comfortable with you sit on the floor and ignore her. Have treats nearby you can feed to her, but don't look at her of move towards her - let her come to you. I usually sit on the floor and read, with new client cats (I do pet sitting), since you're attention is on something else, and sitting on the floor makes us seems smaller, it encourages shy kitties to be braver.

You can also play with her using a laser pointer or wand toy. You sit still, and wave the wand without having to move around too much, but she's still playing near you/with you. That will make her feel more comfortable around you, especially if there are some treats involved. 

Most of it is just spending time near her, being calm and still. Over time she'll get more used to you. It would likely also help if you fed her when you're around at her dinner time.


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

Let Cecilia come to you, don't go after her. For whatever reason she's spooked by your feet. Sit on the floor with a fishing pole type of toy, or a piece of cord and drag it around you, let her try and catch it. To build her confidence in you, don't give her a hard stare, but a couple of _sloow blinks_ and then look away....this is cat talk for "I'm cool and relaxed". If you get a blink back she is acknowledging it and saying "I'm cool, too". Have some treats in your pocket and place one in front of you....don't stare...but say "look here" and point to the treat or tap the floor beside it. Hopefully she'll come and take it. Then offer her one in an open palm. Don't attempt to pet her. If she wants that she'll initiate it by rubbing her cheeks on your hand. Let us know how it goes....


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## ChaplainSD (Jan 12, 2015)

My blue cat has been pretty slow getting comfortable with me too. We got him about 6 months ago and he's still a little skittish when I move around him. The avoiding eye contact helps a little and treats are always good for positive association. I've been playing with him more and it's also been working well too. I guess patience is the real key here. Keep up the work, they all come around eventually. 

My guy does come around at night when we're laying in bed. He's super cuddly then, but when the sun is up, very timid.


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## BF_HurtbyCat (May 8, 2015)

Thanks everyone for the feedback, I definitely appreciate it and like the advice I've received so far. 

I'm going over to her house tonight, and will definitely implement the tips from before. I've got some treats I'll try to give her, but more importantly, I'll let her come to me first. 

My girlfriend also usually kept her door shut in her bedroom, and I thought it would be best if we kept it open so Cecilia has a way to get out of the room at all times if she's uncomfortable.

I'll definitely keep you posted!


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## BotanyBlack (Apr 6, 2011)

If she doesn't have one. you can also try putting in a cat tree or shelf in the room you spend a lot of time in. Give a her a spot Above you to be able to study you moving around without feeling vulnerable. That way she is not just looking at your feet. 

Looking for her "jackpot" treat would help. There is always that ONE thing cats will do ANYTHING for. some it is boiled chicken pieces.. some Love steak.. ect. if you GF know her special treat. keep a few on hand when visiting to get her to associate her favorite treat with you being there.

Good luck!!! keep us updated and we will try to help where we can! BTW welcome to the forums!


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## BF_HurtbyCat (May 8, 2015)

Just a quick little update. 

My girlfriend has two friends from out of town. Cecilia's pretty much been completely out of sight, but she decided to bring Cecilia into the room after a few hours. She actually managed to come over and take a treat from me, but one of the friends was loud and it spooked her so she ran off.

I went downstairs later to grab a beer and she was hanging up by the stairs. Immediately saw me and bolted. I kept my distance from her, but tried to see if she would come out of if I sat down--no dice. She got extremely scared and started running to either under the table and eventually into the living room to wedge herself by the fireplace and couch. So I've pretty much left it at that.

Obviously this isn't the time to try and make amends if she has two additional guests in the house temporarily. Her best friend has even had some issues with the cat once she's arrived. Cecilia has acted better towards her friend for sure, but has got moody towards and made it clear she'd rather be left alone.

So it sounds like it's not me alone she's uncomfortable with. I guess the next plan of action is to wait until there's only my girlfriend and I around and see if she warms up then. 

I don't expect this to be a overnight transition, it'll probably take weeks or even months for her to act completely normal again--but I'm committed to improving things with this cat. I love animals too much.


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## BF_HurtbyCat (May 8, 2015)

Also, I forgot to add that I'm committed to building a cat tree for her. She doesn't have one in the room we usually spend time in. I've found a couple of DIY projects online, and will probably post pictures when I get the chance if people are curious. 

I'll add that last night I was working on a documentary production, and the house we were shooting in also had a Russian Blue Cat, strangely enough. He had to hang out in the garage while we were shooting and it was super friendly. Even managed to hop up in my lap as I worked on a computer. Definitely a very unique breed.


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## TabbCatt (Mar 26, 2014)

Well, I got some info about Russian Blue breed's personality traits, and it does sound like your GF's kitty. Perhaps you can bond with the cat with the extra knowledge here:

Russian Blue Cat Breed Information, Pictures, Characteristics & Facts

Cats are generally pretty sensitive to change, so I imagine the new people staying with your GF could be causing him some stress. You can make the kitty less stressed by keeping everything as routine as possible, such as feeding times, scheduled play times, grooming/cuddle sessions, etc.

Hope the additional info helps you both. Would love to see this kitty, when you have the chance, too!


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## BF_HurtbyCat (May 8, 2015)

Thanks for that link. Definitely seems that we are in her territory at the moment. She's obviously stressed out about that. 

And this morning she did come into the room and hangout a little bit, which is what she normally did before. I gave her two treats this time around. She didn't like me walking around downstairs though--she hissed at me while I walked by the table again. 

And here are some pictures of her for you guys to look at!


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

Aaaw, Cecilia's gorgeous! just love that silvery satiny sheen Russians have to their plush coat. Had a Manx/Russian blue mix once and his coat was the same. Cute pic..she looks like she's winking at you. :wink


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## BF_HurtbyCat (May 8, 2015)

Small update: I was over this evening and my girlfriend suggested that I try and completely ignore her, no matter what she does. 

And it actually seemed to work. She came in an out of the room quite frequently, and even came up and rubbed on my feet pretty aggressively. I think I'm going to take this route the next couple of times I go over, and then slowly start petting her to build up a trust level.

Her friend from out of town got hissed at tonight, though. She was petting her while they were both on the ground. The two of us have had the exact same experience. Cecilia doesn't move or give hints about being annoyed. She just suddenly hisses at you without warning, so it's very hard to tell when to back off. 

Overall I felt pretty good about tonight. I also ordered a Da Bird cat toy through Amazon that I'll start using down the road too so I can play with her. 

But tonight was a step in the right direction.


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## BF_HurtbyCat (May 8, 2015)

Got her the Da Bird toy and she instantly loved it. We played a solid 30 minutes straight and she seemed really happy.

I then sat down and extended my hand to pet her and she flipped out and hissed at me again. So I'm pretty confused, honestly. 

Another guy visited that is a friend, and she hissed at him when he tried to pet her. All in all, over the past month everyone that's visited except my girlfriend has gotten hissed at. 

Hoping this cat tree I'm going to attempt to build will be the one that does the trick. I've done everything else in this thread so far and have had very little luck.


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

It's mostly about time and patience.

Keep in mind she's got pretty strict boundaries too, so forcing her past them will only set you back. Think of it like this: 

You have a friend who really likes coming over, but every time he does he insists on giving you a noogie. You, obviously, don't like that so when he reaches out to give you a noogie you hit him (which seems fair if you've already told him a bunch of times to not noogie you). He comes over uninvited one day and brings you a pizza - you eat it together and things are going well. Then he reaches over and tries to noogie you. AUGH! You hit him again.

It doesn't matter how good things are going otherwise, if she doesn't like being petted by people other than your girlfriend stop trying! Trying to pet her is making your relationship worse, rather than better. Wait until she literally sticks her head under your hand before you attempt any petting at all - otherwise keep playing and feeding and everything else. Eventually she may come around, or she might not.

One of our cats is only friendly with myself and my boyfriend - other people she takes a VERY long time to warm up to and some of our friends who have known her for years still can't touch her. It just takes time and patience, sometimes LOTS of both.


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## ChaplainSD (Jan 12, 2015)

It's funny how the way I approach my cat the same way I approached my wife when we first met. I played a little hard to get and acted uninterested in her. She has always told me that I was successful only because I let her pursue me and not the other way around. If I had tried to pursue her, she would have not liked me at all. Ha ha. 

This same strategy is actually working well with my own blue cat. He's coming around much more now that I've tried to ignore him for the past week. I give him just enough love and attention, but not too much. I always leave him wanting more, and it just feeds into his cravings. Last night while I'm sitting at my desk he came up to me a was meowing for my attention, i pet him on the head and went back to my work. He continued to vie for my attention and I responded minimally. When I went to bed, he jumped in 5 minutes later and really wanted to cuddle.


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