# New Member with Lots of Cat Problems



## CloudReader (Sep 16, 2011)

Hi, I'm CloudReader. 

I'm having trouble with my boyfriend's cat. She's a female Calico, about 8 years old, and I like to say, has a "double personality." She's all nice and sweet to my boyfriend, but whenever I go near her, she hisses at me. This doesn't really bother me, I just stay away from her and take her little gifts of affection when they come (only during feeding time, she'll rub on my leg). 

The real problem is that she's nasty to my other two cats. One is a 2 year old gray tabby male named Jack, whose so extremely playful. My other is a 3 year old tortie female named Starbuck, who's shy. Jack and Starbuck have always been perfect for each other, licking each other, napping together. I have so many cute home-made videos of them.

Now with the introduction of a third cat (brought by my boyfriend when we decided to move in together), it's gotten haywire at my house. It's been five months now, and the Calico repeatedly chases my 2 cats around the house. They don't actually get into horrible fights, but they lay back their ears and hiss, or chase each other until one runs to me.

It's especially nerveracking at night, and sometimes one will jump on the bed, and I've gotten scratched by them. Talk about scary! It's pitch black and the sound of running elephants in my house!

And as embarrassing as this may seem, I'm a little scared of the Calico (sorry I keep calling her 'the Calico' - her name's Tanooki). Sometimes, she "traps" me in the hallway, I feel scared to walk past her, cause she's sitting there hissing at me. I know she's probably more scared of me than I am of her, but still. I don't want to be scared in my own house!

All three cats are indoor cats (have always been), so I can't exactly separate them, and all three cats have their nails (I don't morally approve of removing their nails), so I'm a little nervous about what the heck happens when I'm not at home! I find chunks of hair on the carpet, like they are tangling. 

OK, it gets worse. About 2 weeks ago, the Calico has not used the litter box. I keep two boxes in the house at different ends of the house, since it seemed there might be territorial fights going on. The Calico is now leaving me little poop surprises all over my carpet. My boyfriend cleans them up since he knows how upset I get over it.

My boyfriend and I are fighting over it. Plus, with the Calico's long hair, she gets poop stuck to her butt and I see poop smears on my carpet time to time. I'm so fed up and grossed out. I miss the days when it was me and just my two cats! 

But my boyfriend loves his Calico! He had her for seven years before he met me. How can I ask him to 'get rid of her'? She's so mean, she's only nice around him, so I think no one would take her. I can't ask my boyfriend to put her down. What can I do? Why isn't she using the litter? It's like she's trying to make my life miserable.

And lastly, to top it all off. The Calico had fleas! My boyfriend didn't know (probably got them at his brother's house where Tanooki stayed for a month before moving in with us), and what followed was a nightmare infestation. I've spent about 500 on treatments, a professional even, and I feel myself blaming Tanooki, AGAIN.

How horrible is that? I love cats! Why can't I love Tanooki?

Ugh, anyway, thanks for reading.


----------



## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I feel your pain, I have a bully cat, too - Gigi (aka _Gizilla_).

First, you should probably keep them separated when you're not at home. I keep my house cut in half during the day, and I let them be together once I'm home. Gigi gets time-outs when she goes after one of the twins.

Did you do a proper introduction?

You might try starting over completely from scratch.

Cat-to-Cat Introductions | Little Big Cat

Some people have luck with products like Feliway to calm their pets down.

Didn't help in my case. I even had Gigi on kitty Prozac and it didn't help. It's been 1-1/2 years now, and she's MUCH better than before, but it's been a long and frustrating process.

You could also try keeping them separated by baby gates while you're gone. I stacked three of them on top of each other.


----------



## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

On your other problem, many long haired cats need a "Potty Patch" trimmed around their backside so poop doesn't get stuck to the hair.
Also she might be having a food problem, what ever she's eating it giving her soft poop, she isn't using the litter box because she doesn't want to get poop on her paws.
I don't know your situation but you might have botched the introduction not only with the cats but between you and the boy friends cat.
MY cat basically ignored my ex and she wouldn't put the effort to bond with her.
Look at it from the cats point of view, you invade her life coming between her and her Papa and you brought your cats with you.


----------



## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

You need to provide more information.
Did you move into the boyfriends home or did he move in with you or did you get a new place together?
Many cats hate a change in routine and some take it worse then others?


----------



## LaurulFeatherCat (Sep 16, 2011)

Hello there. Had this problem several times. It is very stressful for both you and the cat involved. I am guessing your boyfriend moved into your home. Tanooki then found herself having to live with two other cats on THEIR territory and she is trying hard to conquer these upstart cats and establish her own territory in this new place. You can help this by separating the cats during the day; giving Tanooki her own room, even if it is only a bedroom with her own litter pan or even just a bathroom, again with her own litter pan. This will give her a place where she can relax and know she will not be attacked by the other two cats; helps a cat settle down right away. She does not like you because you are horning in on HER mate (your boyfriend). She can also feel the mild hostility you have toward her and you need to try and change that now. In reality five months is not a long time for a cat used to be an only cat to adjust to two new cats and to you. Give it time. Tanooki has just turned into the focus of your insecurity about the changes you have made in your life and living arrangements. Try to keep yourself calm and be a little more accepting; I know it is very hard.

As far as the poop bombs on the carpet, she is marking territory; any time a cat does not bury their poop, it is a marking gesture. She is trying to tell your two cats to get out of her territory. One solution is to put out a third litter box, one in her own room, like I suggested, and it will be Tanooki's box. Again, making room for her so she will feel less the trespasser into the other cats' territory. As far as her trapping her in the hallway, do not show your fear and speak to her in a light, happy voice. Show her you mean no harm and intend to get along with her despite the problems which are currently happening. Like I said, five months is not a long time when it comes to cats trying to divide up territory. From this moment on, you should try to win her over to your side; speak nicely to her, never with anger. Address her by name, give her treats AND at the same time give your cats treats. Show you will not play favorites.

Most of all, change your attitude toward her. You say you miss just having your cats around. Is it worth changing your attitude to have your boyfriend around? If so, then you need to learn to live with his beloved cat because you know what it would be like if YOU had to give up your cats. Right?

You can work through this. It is a matter of attitude and some basic work on behavior. At night when they run over you with their claws out, growl loudly at them like a mom cat would; this tells them you are not happy with their behavior. If they continue, lock them out of the bedroom at least temporarily. That will stop the fight. To avoid the fight, you and your boyfriend should play with them physically an hour before bedtime, then feed a snack to make them sleepy and then everyone lays down for the night. Try it; it should work like a charm.

Good luck. In a few more months to a year you and your boyfriend will laugh about this time in your relationship. Honest.


----------

