# Is my relationship with my cat abnormal?



## Husky42 (Sep 28, 2008)

So people including my GF think I'm far too attached to my cat. In fact, I've actually kicked my g/f out of bed so my my cat could get his spot and then let her get back into bed.

But anyways, let me describe my relationship with him.

He is spoiled, quality wet food when i can afford it. I am quite controlling of his in and out time. I talk to him more then i talk to the people I live with. 

He is allowed free roam of the house and allowed to get push when he needs/wants something.. No countertops though. 

No matter what I'm doing if he wants attention I give it too him, also with his dry food when he wants to eat he has to come get me and have me touch the food before he eats. So on average I get up from my daily task 3 or 4 times a day to touch his food. No biggie to me really but others find it weird.

I find that I talk about him almost non stop throughout the day, and i honestly believe we have conversations. Well not really conversations but he is responsive to what I say. 

Yes I let him be a cat, he gets in scraps with neighbor cats, hunts and all that good stuff. But his in house presence is that of a refined priss lol

I've thought about what would happen if I lost him, and I'm not sure. I honestly believe that I would have a mental breakdown and remove myself from society. A part of my mental health is due to his companionship. Before he entered my life I was a angry bitter recluse. I was not happy and always felt I had nothing to live for.

Now my cat is what I live for. 

My g/f wants to move in with me but she has a dog. And I dislike that stupid black lab. Its dumb, chases cats and well its just dumb. I flat out told her he could not move in with me. Which prompted the response well then you need to set rules for Jack (my cat) I know i cannot always take take take in a relationship but i honestly also have considered dumping her over it as well. My cat doesnt like her at all and she doesnt exactly like him much. It has actually been a stressor in the relationship.

She says I'm too attached and should distance myself from his needs and emotions and focus on her but in truth i'd rather keep on insuring my cat is happy.

Is this abnormal?


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## Lisa 216 (Oct 25, 2004)

You sound more into the cat than you do your girlfriend. 

Pets are often very good judges of character. Whenever I had a cat or dog that didn't like someone, they were always right about the person. The fact that your GF and your cat don't like each other suggests that they won't suddenly become friends as housemates.

Your cat has had a huge impact on your life. If she doesn't respect that, then I think you have your answer.


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## Leazie (Apr 14, 2007)

Your relationship to your cat seems perfectly normal to me. I would really take a look at your relationship with the gf, however. If she's not that into your cat and your cat doesn't like her maybe she's not the fit for you (of course, only you can decide that).

Do you have pictures of the King of your house?


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## Husky42 (Sep 28, 2008)

These pics are posted elsewhere here i think but yup of course i have pics.

I have some more recent ones as these are all last winter but they arent on my pc atm.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Husky42 said:


> Is this abnormal?


If its abnormal, then I am, too! :lol: 
I actually think you have a fabulous and close bond with your cat. IMO, I think you are allowing him to run-the-show and while I cater to my pets, I also do it on *my* timetable...unless they require something more scheduled for health reasons. I talk to my cats, too, and many times they 'talk' and respond to me as long as I keep talking to them. I also have one who likes to eat a little bit through the day so I keep a small tupperware of her food nearby for whenever she cruises through the room.
Your gf...um...sounds like she wants to control you. Your attachment to your cat is probably just not understood by her, and she may suspect that she doesn't hold your interest as well, and it is causing her to feel jealous and like she may have to 'compete' with the cat for your attention.
...which in my opinion...if you really loved her, she wouldn't need to express those kinds of feelings because she'd be secure in your feelings for her. Because she isn't, it suggests you aren't that into her.
heidi


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## love.my.cats (Jan 29, 2009)

I don't think it's strange for you to talk to your cat and treat him as part of the family..

As far as your girlfriend goes though, I probably wouldn't be too happy if someone made me get OUT of bed for their cat, I wouldn't even give up my bed for my own cats, they can get comfortble around the people in the bed!
Also the issue with her dog.. I wouldn't feel it fair if I was told that I could not keep my pet but the other person's pet was running the household. But these are issues for you & your gf to discuss I guess and for the two of you to decide if the relationship is going to work..


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## Husky42 (Sep 28, 2008)

I really cannot say too much about my relationship, she's a good girl. Makes me happy, but her dog is pathetic. And so is her caring for it. She leaves it at her parents 99% of the time and they take care of the dog and that rather upsets me. She never really does anything with the dog or pays for it, her parents do. 

My Cat just is weird about her. Sometimes but very rarely he will let her pet him. But he also just seems to be this way with women in general. He hisses at my mother but loves my brother. 

My cousins came over and they are women and once again he just hissed when they tried to pet him. But the fact of the matter is he hides when she is around (my g/f that is) and thats really not like him.

She also finds it weird that Im not allowed to use the restroom/shore alone either. Even if i sneak away he's at the door within seconds trying to get in, he just comes in and climbs to the bathtub sits and waits for me to finish - quite odd.

I'm just glad the majority here do not think it is abnormal of course I am posting on a cat forum for cat fanatics lol


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

I believe it is a cat's responsibility to take charge of the bathroom.  It's in the Kitty's Guide to Responsibilities, Chapter 1. 

I never had a cat who didn't think the bathroom was one of her duties.


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## RachandNito (Nov 21, 2008)

That's so funny about the bathroom! Nito always sits outside the door and cries whenever I'm in there too. "Mom? Mom!? MOM!! MOM ARE YOU OK!!?!?!" My BF finds it hilarious. I wouldn't call you abnormal, there are lots of people who talk to their cats and treat them like royalty. I've turned Nito into high-prince here, and he makes sure that no one forgets it. I actually have to baby him with his food as well, he wants me to sit there with him while he eats, stroking and talking to him. Otherwise he'll come find me and try to lead me back to his food dish. 

As for your GF... Well, my BF wasn't the biggest cat person when we started dating. My mom's cat Rusty changed that by always crawling into his lap. Now he's just as bonkers as me over our cats, and it's one of the reasons I love him so much. Personally, I couldn't be with someone who isn't a "cat person" because it's such a big part of my life. I wouldn't deal with someone telling me to change the way I treat the prince *cough* I mean Nito *cough* and I definitely would have my doubts about someone if Nito didn't like them.


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## gunterkat (Aug 19, 2006)

I don't think your relationship with your cat is abnormal at all. Arianwen has let me peek at her Cat Union Handbook. It pretty much describes the way you relate to your cat.  

Just my guess, but it seems to me dog people and cat people have very different attitudes, at least about their pet. Cat people tend to regard their cats almost as a peer. Very different from the "pack leader" mindset of a dog person.


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## PeaceLoveRescue (Feb 15, 2008)

Husky42 said:


> I really cannot say too much about my relationship, she's a good girl. Makes me happy, but her dog is pathetic. And so is her caring for it.


May I ask why the dog is so pathetic and dumb? Labs by nature are very intelligent dogs, if they are not stimulated and exercised the proper amount however they will make their own "fun". Some see this as the dog being stupid. 

Both my German Shepherd/Australia Cattle Dog mix and my Labrador/Pit Bull mix are very intelligent dogs. The Lab mix is quite content to curl up and go to sleep if nothing exciting is happening however if the German Shepherd mix doesn't have something to do at every minute of the day he gets into alot of trouble to occupy his mind. My b/f calls him stupid for it and though he says he likes dogs I believe he only tolerates them for my sake. He is not a dog person by any means, he's all for cats. I wasn't much of a cat person until I met him, up until then my only encounter with cats were negative ones, cats that were cranky, would bite without warning, scratch, and were just plain annoying. I liked them as animals but never saw myself owning one let alone living with two plus fosters.

If the relationship between you and this woman really had meaning and you were both committed to it I don't think any of this would be a problem, you'd find a way to work it out. So maybe it is best to separate, I don't know. I have no say on the matter as its your life.

While I dote on the cats in my home I don't let them run the household. I love them but refuse to run my life around them. Bosco will get start meowing for his breakfast at 4am non stop horrible meowing, not his usually "hey look at me, pet my belly" meow. While I know many people who would get up and give them some food I shove him off the bed when he jumps up to meow in my ear, should he continue I pick him up and out the bedroom door he goes or gets sprayed with water depends if I have the spray bottle handy. If I'm busy doing something and the kittens or the cats come up looking for attention I ignore them until I'm done, the same I would a child. If they do something I don't like they get sprayed with water or I yell their name which usually makes them drop and run for the basement. if I want a spot on the couch or bed and they are there I move them. I do love them I just refuse to let them run my life, my house sorry kitties, the dogs know their place and the cats do as well for the most part. They know if a door is closed then that is tough tuna. I don't want cats/dogs in the bathroom for fear they might get under the sink to the cleaners or eat soap or something so I've sprayed them with water anytime they came in. Bosco and the dogs have this understood, still working on Reyna and the kittens.

I have no doubts you love your cat with every being of your soul. But there is such a thing as spoiling them being a bad thing and should anything happen to you (die, end up homeless, loose all your money etc) and have no choice but for the cat to go to a shelter many people will not put up with such behavior and may look past him for another cat.

And again I think this deserves repeating as some people will read past it and think I'm wrong, or not so nice, calling you a bad owner whatever. *I have no doubts you love your cat with every being of your soul.*


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## Husky42 (Sep 28, 2008)

Well to describe the dog.

Urinates everywhere when you even try to pet her. And i mean anybody doesnt matter who. She does not listen at all. Will not come runs away from people. Is constantly being disciplined by my g/fs parents (remember they take care of the dog pretty much) and this dog does not learn, will not learn and refuses to learn. She barks at everything and I dont mean the odd noise. she looks at the carpet and barks, will not mind and worst of all smells like a dog. Of course a lot of this is probably prejudice on my part. I really just do not like dogs well I do have a soft spot in my heart for Heelers and Collies as I had a old Collie that was the smartest dang dog i've ever met when I was a kid. 

I have tried to like her dog, teach it and at least get it to not run off or run away when you call it but the thing is so stupid it runs away with its tail tucked when you whistle. 

At least my cat comes running when i whistle for him. 

(you can really tell im a cat person and not a dog person lol)

Shall I die my best freind would take care of my cat and my best friend knows how to care for him, i swear he liked my cat more then I did when i lived with him and that is something i thought was nearly impossible.


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## PeaceLoveRescue (Feb 15, 2008)

My Lab mix, Drifter used to urinate whenever someone pet him. They do it from being overly submissive and trying to show the person/animal this in the one of the only ways they know how. Drifter eventually stopped on his own. But there are ways to deal it.

My GSD/ACD mix, Boone is a very fearful, high anxiety dog. So when he's frightened he urinates. Again its out of submission, a "please don't hurt me" in this case. And again it can be worked through.

This is a case not of a stupid dog but a dog that has NOT been trained properly, has not been shown consistent training and rules. All of those things you mentioned can be so easily be worked out with proper training. You say the dog is being disciplined but probably not in the right way and is either making the dog worse or confusing it therefore making the dog worse. I'd suggested that maybe you talk to them about getting into a professional training class with the dog. There are some decently priced classes out there, not all of them are expensive as one may thing. The NILF method might work as well though I've never tried it on either of my dogs. NILF = Nothing In Life is Free. The dog must work for every single thing.

Drifter barks at nothing, but we've found he's going deaf and this is the cause of it. Not much we can do about it except shush him when he starts up.

Now I'm not there, am not a trainer myself by I'm thinking you training the dog isn't working out well because the dog knows you dislike it, dogs and other animals know these things, feed off it and many times will react negatively due to it. You say you call the dog and it runs of tail tucked, the dog is frightened of you, not stupid in any way or form. Just frightened of you, not comfortable around you because of the "energy" if you will you are giving off.

Calling something stupid for those reasons only makes you seem very uneducated and simple minded. The dog is misunderstood and untrained (despite what might be said the way you have just described the dog screams the dog has not be trained properly). How do you ever expect her to understand your world when you are so judgmental to her world?

I also honestly don't see why her parents caring for it is such a big deal. Drifter lives with my parents, he's my dog but prefers to live with them and does better with them. Even when he lived with me they paid for his vet bills as I recieved free food.


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## Husky42 (Sep 28, 2008)

I dont know if it is a case of the dog being afraid of me, im super nice to her. When i'm at my g/f's parents her dog prefers to sit next to me and climb on my lap, but i've never met an animal that did not like me.

One of my old room mates was a girl and she had 3 cats, her black cat supposedly hated men and strangers this cat instantly acted like my cat (not jack) just like I was his master and to the point she actually got abit jealous her cat liked me so much. He once preferred to sleep in her room, but when i was home there was not a minute he did not want to be around me, it could be that i spoiled him and gave him attention. I dunno really.


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

Husky42 some of the things you are saying about this dog says a lot to me.

How old is this lab? It sounds to me like she is terrified of..life. This poor girl thinks that everything is scary, out to get her. Take a step back from disliking her, and consider. Has she ever been properly trained? If not it's not her fault. Dogs don't train themselves. In fact I'd be inclined to blame your gf and her parents. But it wouldn't be all that politic of you to come right out and say that.

I am a dog trainer. I teach classes at petsmart. IMO this dog has very low self esteem and needs to be taught very gently to build her confidence. If the 'training' that they are doing is 'tough love' variety it would actually be making things worse. This dog needs to learn that things, people included are good and will give her good things.

Lilac*, you mentioned NILIF training, which i LOVE...but for this dog it would probably do the opposite of what they want. NILIF is good for dogs who are taking control, or are pushy/semi-aggressive.

Husky42...They need to take this dog in for training or she may escalate and begin biting people in defense. Honestly, the petsmart classes would be good for her, I suggest you help your GF look into it and volunteer to go with her. It will help you both understand the dog,m learn to work and bond with her, and it may help you two realise if you can work together. not to mention they are quite affordable.

For something you can do that will set her at ease, next time you see her rather than moving towards her stand still, or sit, and put a cookie on the floor by your feet. Don't look at her, or say anything loudly, and let her come to you. Don't try to touch her when she comes for the cookie, but have another ready and offer it from your hand. If she takes them speak calmly in a quiet happy voice, encouraging her. This will be a good first step in building a relationship with .such a scared pup. Feel free to offer her small good rewards frequently throughout your visit, she'll start to like you. But avoid eye-contact, as this is a threat for dogs. (Just a note, good cookies would be her favorite treat, cooked chicken breast, or steak, or cheese cubes. Small pieces of each.)
She may like you because you don't look at her very often. Don't approach her, let her come to you, and she'll feel much more comfortable. Speak in a calm soothing voice to her, she won't care what you're saying, but it will help calm her down.

Good luck either way, and give the poor lab a cookie from me.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Husky42 said:


> ...she actually got abit jealous her cat liked me so much.


One of our cats (BooBoo) loves our neighbor. LOVES her! He hears her voice and he comes running to sit with her and cuddle. I can hold the phone to him when she calls and when she speaks to him, he meows, purrs and head-butts the phone. When she comes over or calls, I say: "BooBoo, your girlfriend is here (or on the phone)!" and he comes running to look for her. 

At first, I was a little jealous that he preferred her over me...but then I was just happy that *he* had found someone *he* loved. She would love to have BooBoo, and I would love to give him to her, but her husband is allergic to cats and they have a choc and yellow lab that would try to turn him into a squeaky-tug-o-war-toy.
She comes by to visit fairly regularly..._sometimes I think it is to see Boo and not me_...but I'm okay with that. I think it is very nice to see Boo supremely happy, sitting on her lap or laying up her belly/chest to cuddle with her. He purrs up a storm, makes happy little meow sounds to her and gives her head-butts. He may have spent all his life with us, but to him, he is *her* cat.


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## Bethany (Jul 19, 2006)

Honestly... if my (hypothetical) BF kicked me out of bed so his cat could get comfy... I would not be OK with that. And I consider myself pretty gaagaa over my cats.

Disclaimer: I'm not a dog person. But I do know enough dog people to know that you can't just let dogs "do their own thing" like you generally can a cat. (This is, in fact, one reason I'm not a dog person. Having a dog sounds suspiciously like work.) 

I may not know a whole lot about dogs, but I do know dogs need someone to be in charge, and they need it to be their people. If you let them be in charge the whole things falls apart. (How exactly it falls apart depends on the dog and whether or not it actually WANTS to be in charge... or so I've gathered from various dog people.) 

However, I'm not sure that realizing that the problem lies more with your GF and her parents than the dog solves your problem, since it suggests that EVERY dog your GF owns is going to have some sort of behavioral problem. Unless something changes, I forsee GF having a long string of large, troubled, ill-behaved dogs going through her life... and the lives of people involved with her. Even if GF rehomed this dog and got a different one, she wouldn't have a dog with no issues, just a dog with different issues.

I would say by no means move in with her until you've reached agreement on the various pet issues, which would include her agreeing to learn how to work with her dog to resolve the dog's behavior issues and then willingly following through. In my mind the fact that she hasn't dealt with these problems already doesn't bode well for this being a realistic possibility. Again, I'm not a dog person, but even *I* would realize that a dog peeing everywhere means something's amiss, without having to have an annoyed BF pointing it out.


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## Sabala (Mar 11, 2009)

Is kicking your gf out of bed so your cat can get it's "spot" normal? Hmmmmm, and you call your gf's dog "dumb", "stupid" and "pathetic". All I'm gonna say here is I feel sorry for the dog.


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## PeaceLoveRescue (Feb 15, 2008)

> Lilac*, you mentioned NILIF training, which i LOVE...but for this dog it would probably do the opposite of what they want. NILIF is good for dogs who are taking control, or are pushy/semi-aggressive.


I know it was developed simply for that reason but I've also heard and seen in the training classes I used to assist with people using it with fearful/nervous dogs and its helped build their confidence, I can understand that its not the norm and before I witnessed it myself would have called them an idiot for trying it on a nervous or fearful dog. Definitely not something to be used on every dog for every problem. 

The dog just sounds very confused and frightened not dumb and pathetic Husky.


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## melysion (Mar 12, 2007)

So ... to summarise.

You expect your girlfriend to get out of bed to accommodate your cat and yet you call her dog dumb and pathetic and wont give it the time of day.

As much as you obviously adore your cat, I would most definitely dump you if I was your girlfriend. You cant expect her to fawn over your cat if you look upon her dog with such disdain.

Also, as much as I absolutely adore the ground my cat walks on he isnt 'my life' in the same way as a partner would be if I had one. The fact that you say that its your cat, not your girlfriend, that you 'live for' and that you would prefer to keep your cat happy than your girlfriend makes me think you have some serious issues going on.

I wouldn't necessarily say your relationship with your cat is 'abnormal' - but your relationship with your girlfriend certainly needs some investigation.

p.s. Apologies if I come across rather harsh - its not intentional. I just don't have the energy to be otherwise at the moment.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

One of our members has pointed out that some members who favor one animal over another might, in their enthusiasm, sound as if they are insinuating that the other members lack intelligence. 

Personally, I love both dogs and cats, and have been a breeder of both. Each has wonderful qualitites, if trained properly, and loved greatly. Lets show respect for those who favor either cats or dogs. They are obviously loving people, even if we prefer the animal they do not favor. It always comes down to that magic word...respect, doesn't it?  

Jeanie, CF Mod.


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## Husky42 (Sep 28, 2008)

I do not think some of the dog lovers here quite understand.

I am probably the best thing to come into that dog's life. No matter how much she annoy's me I'm the one constantly trying to giver her attention when I'm around. She play's fetch once... no chance in **** of getting the ball back lol.

This dog may live with her parents and be her dog. But if it ever is going to listen to anybody I'm the person she listens to. Make no mistake this dog listens and respects me more so then anybody else but thats not saying much. I agree training would be ideal, but i doubt my g/f would even listen to the advice.

As for kicking her out of bed, meh I get up all the time so he can go get under the covers and into his favorite corner. She was in his corner and i made her move to the opposite side of the bed because she tosses and turns and I don't. Not really an excuse, but she likely wont last anyways so I wasn't about change my patterns and my cats patterns for her. 

Going back to her dog, not matter what I do with it to make it comfortable i think yall are right about the bad energy deal, I really just do not like dogs. Period.


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## lilyb (Dec 21, 2008)

Have been avoiding responding to this post as I was worried people would shoot me down, but seeing as Allie said it....

...I totally agree with her!! I love my kitty to pieces but at the end of the day she is not a human and could never replace the kind of contact that I get from my friends, family, bf (when I have one!) for my social wellbeing (by this I mean conversation etc btw....!!). 

That said....if a bf ever said "it's me or the cat" he wouldn't be the sort of person I would want to be with (unless he had an allergy when I might be a bit more understanding :lol: ). As I see it in _this_ situation, your girlfriend is trying to be friendly with the cat and hasn't suggested you get rid of it. She seems like a very tolerant lady (I would not be happy to be told to get out of bed so the cat could get "her" place!! Besides....most cats love finding a nook of warm body to snuggle in).

I think your relationship with you cat is normal (tho verging on the "crazy cat man" side - but who am I to talk there :lol: )

IMO it's your r'ship with you gf that's abnormal - she deserves more of your respect as, sad tho it may be to think of it, she could be the one who will still be around in 20 years time and she could also be the one who comforts you on the horrible day when you lose your kitty.

PS - just read your last post - if she won't last then why would you even think of moving in together?!!? Maybe just end it now and find a girlfriend you care about enough to want to kick your cat out of bed so that you can spend some time together :?


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## Husky42 (Sep 28, 2008)

Well, the relationship is odd i'll just put it that way.

One day were perfectly fine and ready to get married. The next were at each others throats want nothing to do with each other. Its pretty nuts.


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## WhiteKitties (Dec 22, 2008)

How long have you and your girlfriend been dating? You sound a little like my husband and his ex - they were ready to get married, just too young at the time, and by the time they were halfway through their college years everything had changed and the relationship fell apart. I had a few long relationships before meeting my husband (by long I mean three and four years) and each time I felt like I could get married for about a year and then things fell apart. Regardless of the amount of time, if things went from great to bad, that's probably a sign you're not meant for each other. If it's been a long time and your cat still doesn't like her, he may be on to something. My brother's cats don't like women, and that included me for a long time. But I spend a fair amount of time over there, and gradually the cats progressed from running away, to staying in the room, to letting me touch them briefly, to now I can give the diabetic one his food and insulin shot. 

I can't speak for anyone else, but the difference in my relationship with my husband and my previous relationships was like night and day. I didn't gradually come to realize he was the ONE, it hit me like a ton of bricks and there was absolutely no question in my mind that this was it and I had found my perfect match, whereas I had always questioned myself with other guys. It was almost scary actually - we were sitting by a river after dinner on our second date, a raccoon jumped out of the river and startled us because the sun was down and it was getting dark, we were laughing about it and cuddling, and out of nowhere BAM! this certainty entered my head. In the three years before we got engaged it never wavered despite our differences and disagreements. While I realize this certainly doesn't happen to everyone, my point here is that I strongly believe that if you're with the right person you're not going to wonder about your relationship.

And while I think your relationship with your cat is perfectly normal, you should keep in mind that non-cat people won't be interested in hearing about Jack all the time, kind of like it drives me nuts when people talk about their kids all the time. Before my cats came along I had another obsession that I talked about ALL the time, and it took a couple years before someone finally told me how much I was irritating people. Now with my girls, I try to keep in mind that my non-cat family and friends are going to feel the same way about the cats as my former obsession, and although it's tough to stop talking about them, I make sure I don't bore them to tears with cat-chat.


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## Woodsman (Jan 9, 2007)

Husky42 said:


> One day were perfectly fine and ready to get married. The next were at each others throats want nothing to do with each other. Its pretty nuts.


I have been in a very similiar relationship and when it ended it was very painful. The biggest regret I have many, many years later was that I didn't end it sooner. Sometimes its hard to tell you heart apart from you horimones.

I think you need to get the point across that the dogs needs some training and not only for your sake. Maybe watch some animal planet, when they have dog training shows on.

“It’s me or the Dog” is a great show, and often not only demonstrates techniques for training dogs, but also how an out of control dog puts a strain on relationships within a household. You should still get professional help with the training though. Attending classes together could be a great bonding experience for all three of you.

Hopefully she will go for it. Some people just refuse to see that there is a problem with there dog. If that’s the case, I personally would hit the road. Do you want to consider marriage / children to someone who won’t do what is needed to care for a dog?

Oh and kicking your GF out of bed so your cat could get it, not so slick. Next time ask her move over some. If she refuses, get up yourself and pick your cat up. Then quietly consider if you have enough in common.


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## Husky42 (Sep 28, 2008)

Oh i agree kicking her out of bed wasnt so slick, we were already fighting and she took his spot - This was me just trying to get under her skin, not healthy I know.

What makes this relationship worse is i moved 6 mths back about 3 hours away, so we only see each other a few times a month right now, weird, i came here to a cat forum and end up with a lot of sound reasonable dating advice lol


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## Sparky (Apr 11, 2008)

Well my friend, you have received some great advise here and now I'd like to add my nickel's wotrh. 

If thing are this strained now do you really think marrying will change things for the better? Your own words speak volumes as the depth of feelings you both have for each other. If you are doing things to "get under her skin" now it can only get worse. I have seen this happen to so many of my friends. One buddy was in a relationship for 7 yeaars. They first got a cat to heal their problems. That did not work so they got a 2nd cat. That did not help. They then chose to have a child. Now two cats are at the pound and the child has neither mother or father. (The child is living with his parents). Look long and hard before you leap! Good luck.


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