# Need Help - Cat Fear/Territorial Aggression, Hissing



## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

Hi,

I'm hoping that people can give me some helpful suggestions in dealing with this as it's become a major issue in my marriage and the cause of our only major fights. I apologize in advance for the lengthy post, but wanted to provide as clear and accurate picture as possible.

Backstory: We moved from MA to NC in March 2013 for my husband's job. We've only been married a couple of years and this is our first time living together for an extended period of time (he's in the Army and has recently come back from overseas). (He is also a dog person and not a cat person.) I've had my cats for 5 years since they were 8 week old kittens. They're very attached to me and in general are timid around new people, sometimes scared where they hiss, but never actively attack anyone. They will hiss and then run away.

When we first moved in the cats were understandably scared and stressed. They were easily startled and would sometimes hiss when startled. Because they were not used to my husband, he is a tall guy, they would easily get startled by him walking around. So, sometimes they would hiss at him.

Now, it's been about 5 months and one cat seems to have adjusted better than the other. Grady has gotten used to him and will not follow him around the apartment and sometimes just run alongside of him meowing. He can also pick her up and pet her without her hissing at him.

The other cat, Riley, doesn't seem to be adjusting as well. She has gotten better but she still has episodes of hissing and is very timid. The most recent incident was last night when she hissed at him as he was walking past. I'm not sure why she does this. Other times she'll come up to him, meow and rub against his legs and let him pet her a little. The only time he's picked her up is to put her in a room to let her calm down when she's upset. Other than that he does not feel comfortable picking her up.

Because things haven't changed fast enough for him, and he doesn't think that I do enough to try and fix her behavior, I've (reluctantly) let him take the reigns in solving the problem. 

So, here are my issues:

1. I'm not sure why Riley acts like this. My only guess is that she is just a scaredy cat and hisses when she's scared. She's never actively attacked him (at least that I know of), only hissed and growled at him. Maybe she is just fearful? Maybe she's territorial? I'm not sure how to get to the bottom of it.

2. My husband has the mentality of a dog trainer and says that any animal can be trained and he thinks that punishing her when she hisses is what should be done. He does this with a water bottle and sprays her in the face when she hisses and puts her in a bedroom as a time out. He thinks that eventually she will get the message that she should not hiss or she will get squirt with water. Last night he went overboard (in my opinion) and went into the room with her and cornered her and sprayed her every time she hissed and growled. His reasoning is that he will squirt her over and over again until she stops. He even came out to refill the bottle. I was torn up inside hearing and seeing this. I went into the room this morning and found pee on the carpet in the closet where I'm sure she was cornered. I sobbed as I cleaned it up.

My husband is not happy with the situation at all. This is really the only thing that we have major fights about. We don't really argue about anything else. Last night he said he was fed up and gives her 2 months to change. If she doesn't she's out. As I'm sure most of you, if not all, on this forum can understand, I can't bear the thought of this. I have been thinking about what my options are, as hard as that is, and trying to think of someone I know who could take her. So far I'm coming up blank.

Anything that I try to tell him about cats he dismisses and thinks I am criticizing him on how he's doing things. He doesn't understand that punishment doesn't work and I've even told him it could make things worse.

I don't know what to do. It's so bad that I get physically ill over it and it's hard to bring up anything about this without it developing into a major fight.

I'm thinking about hiring a behaviorist, which I know is expensive but I don't have any other options. The tough part is whether my husband will believe what the behaviorist says and follow through with whatever they recommend. The closest behaviorist is about an hour away and they require that you bring the pet in, which I feel won't be good in this situation given my cat's issues. They won't see this in the environment in which it is happening. My other choice is doing one over the phone (or Skype) with someone like the Cat Whisperer. Does anyone have any experience with cat behaviorists? Recommendations?

Thanks for taking the time to read my story and offer any advice/support! I truly appreciate it!


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## asnnbrg (Mar 26, 2013)

Wow. I'm so sorry.

But if he's squirting her every time she rejects him, I can see why she dislikes him so much. She's not a dog and shouldn't be expected to behave like one. 

I'm not a behaviorist or even a cat pro, so take my words with a grain of salt. 

1. YOU can't fix this because it's his relationship with her that's strained.
2. You don't make an animal or anything else bond with you by punishing constantly.
3. You don't train an animal by making it afraid of you.
4. Win her with love: Call her with her favorite treats, hand feed if she'll accept it, avoid making sudden movements, pet gently, etc.

A behaviorist may be expensive, but at least he or she would be able to tell your husband why some of the things he's doing are backfiring. And may be able to offer you some insight on your cats' behavior and help get them better socialized, as much as it would be possible with their personalities.


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

Thank you asnnbrg. I agree with EVERYTHING you're saying and it's good to know that I'm not crazy in thinking this (which I think my husband thinks). I've told him that he needs to form a bond with her, but I don't think he wants to put in the effort, or thinks that his behavioral tactics (which may have worked for his old dog) will work with the cat. I know that it won't. My fear is that he's making it worse and not giving her a fighting chance.

He's given her treats before and sometimes she will turn around and hiss at him afterwards. He thinks that if he continues to give her treats and she hisses after, that he is rewarding her for this behavior. He also feels that he should not have to change the way he lives for a cat. I'm not asking him to change the way he lives, just to be more aware. When he pets her he does pet her gently and I'm not aware of any incident where she's swatted at him after he's pet her. He barely touches her really...just a small scratch on the head.

He may just need to hear this from a third party and hopefully he trusts that person.


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## Hinterlander (Jul 19, 2013)

He would be rewarding her hissing if he gave the treats while or seconds after she was hissing, not before. Ignoring the cat seems to also help a lot for most cats, after a while she should start to get closer without too much hissing. Cats are peculiar and you have to be a lot more patient then with a dog. 

A dog expects to be controlled, a cat expects to be in control. 
You cannot train a dog by letting them do what they want just as much as you cannot train a cat the same way you would actually train a dog. 

I do not have any idea except the treats when she gets close to him without fussing. 

I've read a lot of places that if you do not let a cat do something n times but surrender at the n+1 time, they will do it n+1 times every time after that. They know something good is going to happen for them after that. If you do not surrender at that n+1, they will understand and stop doing it (until you are not there)

Showing this forum to him might help ? If he does not want to hear is methods are making it worse, I'm not sure he really does want to make it better at all :/


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

Oh, bummer. This is sad. No, punishment will not work. I saw an episode of "My cat from %ell" where the cat HATED the roommate. Jackson had the roommate start doing the feeding, play time and snacks exclusively and the cat quickly warmed up to her. 

Unfortunately, all your husband is going to do is make the situation worse. You cannot train a cat like that and have them warm up to you. She is hissing because she is afraid and that fear response needs to be broken and trust restored which will not be easy. He has to want to do this but it can be done. Ask him to do it for you. starting tomorrow AM, stay in bed and let him feed the cats (you can set it all up before bed) before he goes to work. They need to see only him as the provider of food. When he comes home he can feed them again. He will be the one playing with the feather toy, laser light and other toys. It will help if he controls his personal vibes towards the cat, too. Ask him to think happy cat thoughts. Really.

There was a terrific thread on here a couple months ago from a guy that was HATED by his GF's cat. Ill see if I can find it. It took him months but the cat learned to love him.


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## asnnbrg (Mar 26, 2013)

Hinterlander said:


> He would be rewarding her hissing if he gave the treats while or seconds after she was hissing, not before. Ignoring the cat seems to also help a lot for most cats, after a while she should start to get closer without too much hissing. Cats are peculiar and you have to be a lot more patient then with a dog.
> 
> A dog expects to be controlled, a cat expects to be in control.
> You cannot train a dog by letting them do what they want just as much as you cannot train a cat the same way you would actually train a dog.
> ...


Ah, that sounds like children. If you say no, no, no, no to them and then finally give in, your kid learns really, really fast how many times they need to ask before getting what they want.

At any rate, I love that Cat from He-hockey sticks show. That guy is a genius with cats.


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## rayrhonda (Jul 31, 2012)

Griley,

This may not be a PC post but I'm going to say it anyway.....your husband is acting like a jerk! Don't you dare let him menace your kitty. Stand up for your animals and for yourself. You take control of the situation because if you let him push you around on this issue he will do it with others as well.....I guarantee it!! Tell him to just ignore Riley. Eventually she will be less frightened. He's being a bully....big tough Army guy bullying a kitty. I'd be ashamed :dis. Anyway, stand up for yourself and your kitties and I feel better having vented. Hope I didn't upset you...take care :2kitties


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## ownedby4cats (Jan 23, 2012)

First of all I think your husband giving you an ultimatum is wrong. The cat shapes up or she"s out. His attitude towards her doesn't help with any bonding and the squirting water in her face is just down right wrong! It might be different if the cat was actually attacking him, but it sounds to me like she is fearful and stressed. I feel sorry for your cat.
When I got married I had 5 cats and my new husband was NOT a cat person. Well it is amazing what happens when a person tries to make friends instead of bullying, which will not work with a cat. My husband knew that the cats were not going anywhere under any circumstance, they were my babies. And it took awhile, not a couple months, but for one cat it took about a year before she came around, and then guess whose lap she was sleeping on? 
I'm sorry that you are going through this, and I'm really sorry that your cat that you had for several years before you were married doesn't feel safe, content, and happy in her own home. I do think in my opinion that it is up to you to stand up for the cat that you had and either have him read this forum a bit, or do a bit of research on kitties. Cats are not dogs and as long as he resents, or has bad feelings towards this cat (your cat), things are NOT going to change.
By the way, my husband now is a big kitty lover! He loves the fur babies as much as I do!


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## ownedby4cats (Jan 23, 2012)

I'm sorry if my last post came across nasty. Not my intention. Ideas to get your hubby and kitty on the road to love. Have him feed them, he could have play time with the kitty, treats, praising, putting water bottle away, giving treats, grooming if possible. I think the biggest thing is trying to change his attitude towards her.


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

Wow! I was really trying to read through your post and put myself in his place. The problem is he is not a cat person. Your guy feels rejected. He is taking it personally. He may even feel disrespected. And with the military background he probably is "order oriented." Maybe his thought, "Why should he have to endure that in his house." I had to re-learn that cats are not like dogs. They have trained me more than I have been able to train them! 
Now there is a lot of ground to be made up. Do you think you can just talk to him about how you feel? You want to keep the cat. It will take a lot of time. He would be better off ignoring the cat rather than trying to scare it into some behavior because the cat is already scared. If he was willing he could sit on the floor and have treats and allow the cats to come to him. I agree with a lot of the suggestions that were made. I would let him know it may take a long time and there may always be some nervousness on the cat's part. I even had a nervous dog that reacted that way to men for several years. 
I also think sometime in the future when you have this worked out, I would gently talk to him about how he expects to discipline his children and his philosophy on discipline as well as how he was brought up.
What you described was a little scary to me. At some point he should have been able to see that is was pretty abusive and the animal was scared to death. I am sorry to say this but I felt I had to.


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Griley, First off, I am so sorry you find yourself in this position...
I served 27 yrs. in the National Guard, and I know there are others here who have served, and may still be serving...
Was your husband stationed in the Mid East?
What we need to do, is show your husband
that 'Cat People' are not crazy!

And his 'New Mission' objective, is to win a very terrified little cat over, with stealth, Observation, and Patience!

Wishing you all the Best!


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

Thank you all for your honest and thoughtful responses and taking the time to write. I'm glad this forum exists. It's nice to get an outside view and I appreciate your well wishes.  Nobody has upset me or offended me and I thank you for being conscious of that. Reading your responses helps me to think about things more and about how I can handle things.

Since I know that I'm very emotionally attached to these cats, and any animal that I've ever had, I've been trying to understand where he is coming from so that I can figure out how to communicate all of these things to him so that he will understand. The hardest part will be convincing him to think differently and want to work at this. I feel there is some hope since the other cat has come around and he enjoys petting her, picking her up, etc. I know that he's frustrated that Riley has not come around yet, but he's going to have to be more patient with her as I've told him.

We have tried some things in terms of him feeding them, me backing off a bit, etc. which I think worked some but I also think we weren't consistent enough and he was discouraged when she would hiss.

Cat owner again, you're correct in many of your observations. He definitely feels as though he should not be treated like this from some cat in his own house. He also feels as though I'm not on "his side", which I've pointed out to him that there are no sides and that he's creating that. I've told him that I just want to solve the problem and have everyone in the house get along. He thinks that I am only concerned about the cat's feelings and not his, which of course is not true. I want peace in the house!  We have spoken about kids and our philosophies on behavior, discipline, etc. I used to be a math teacher, and when I was, I ran a very strict classroom letting my students know that they are there first and foremost to learn. My husband also did a little bit of teaching, mostly subbing and long term subbing, and had a similar outlook, which he brings up during our arguments about this. He says he doesn't understand why I am so different with the cats. For me, I think it's because I see animals differently as humans, as humans should be held to different standards given they understand English. Haha.

He's also expressed that if the situation were turned around that he would not have subjected me to this for this long. He said if he had a dog (because he obviously would not have had a cat haha), and if the dog was still barking, growling, etc. at me, that the dog would not last more than a couple of weeks. I'm trying to understand that point of view but it's hard because I would not ask him to get rid of the dog without trying everything in our power to correct the problem and make the dog more comfortable around me. 

Another one of his arguments is that he's concerned that if the cat is this timid and scared, what if people come over and they're hissed at, or their kids, or the kids are swiped at by the cats, etc. He says that he doesn't want to be "that person" whose house has the crazy cats who might attack. He thinks it's a liability (which I think is just him exaggerating while he's arguing). He's also mentioned what about if/when we have kids and whether the cat(s) would be dangerous to the kids, etc.

7cats2dogs, my husband has only been in the Army a couple of years and his father was also in the Army. My husband was in Korea for a year, not in a combat zone, and he's also not the "gung-ho" type military person, as he can't wait until his contract is up. He joined simply out of a need for a job. Your point about his "mission" is interesting as I think I may just need to actually just write all of this out and try to sit down and go over it with him. Try to take the emotions out of it (since they are clearly getting in the way on both sides) and approach this whole thing from a more rational and empathetic place (if that makes sense...I'm having trouble thinking of the words I want there).

I'm open to additional thoughts and suggestions for improving things. 

Also, just an update that last night Riley was lying on top of the kitchen cabinets and when my husband came into the kitchen she meowed (she's a talker) and he put his hand up to her to sniff and she did not hiss. He fed her a small piece of chicken, which she took and then came down from the cabinet to get more. Gives me some hope that both of them have the ability to come around to eachother. I want to turn things around so that the vibe around here is more positive.


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

[QUOTE: Also, just an update that last night Riley was lying on top of the kitchen cabinets and when my husband came into the kitchen she meowed (she's a talker) and he put his hand up to her to sniff and she did not hiss. He fed her a small piece of chicken, which she took and then came down from the cabinet to get more. Gives me some hope that both of them have the ability to come around to eachother. I want to turn things around so that the vibe around here is more positive.[/QUOTE]

I think that is a wonderful update and if your husband could have patience, the cat will come around. Food and treats are a great motivator and I find that my "nervous" cat does a lot better when we are on even ground. When I am standing and bend down the cat gets nervous sometimes and runs. I just accept it and hope that time will change things. You know he had a good point with the dog. I know two couples with "pet issues." It is very stressful. Time can really solve a lot but it can be a lot of time too.... I wish you the best with all of this.

I am not saying I have enough patience but my daughter is a behavior therapist and trained her dog with only positive reinforcement. Not even a raise of the voice. The dog is exceptionally well trained. He comes over and they tell him, "leave it" and he will walk away from my cats. So even with dogs, it can be done with kindness if you have the patience. Keep up updated as I feel this is all going to work out.


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## GeorgesMom (May 12, 2010)

She is not being either territorial or aggressive. She's afraid of him.

He needs to understand that she's not hissing at him because *she's* meaning to threaten *him*...She's hissing at him because she's terrified of him and she's saying, "Stay away! Stay away! Don't attack or menace me!"

All he has managed to do with doing it his way, is convince her that he's big and scary and can't be trusted to do anything but terrorize small cats.

Tell him I said he ought to be ashamed of himself 

This is how you make friends with cats:

Be calm. Don't be loud or aggressive.

Speak calmly and quietly to the cat. If he can bring himself to do it (a lot of guys can't especially at first) coo at her and talk baby talk to her.

DO NOT stare at the cat or make sustained eye contact. That's an act of aggression. Glancing at the cat, and then looking away is much friendlier.

Blinking. (seriously, when you first tell this to people who don't know about it, they act as if you're nuts...but it works. Even with big cats in the zoo!) Make very brief eye contact, blink slowly, then slowly and calmly look away. Lots of times cats will blink back. It's a calming signal.

Say "I'm sorry" (yes I know it's nuts but I've never met a cat who didn't understand when you sincerely apologize...they may not understand the words but they know what you mean)

Right now she doesn't trust him not to attack her. That's why she's hissing at him.

Regaining her trust won't be quick or particularly easy, but cats (contrary to their reputation) are amazingly willing to forgive *if the person changes their attitude and their behavior*.

Good luck!


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## GeorgesMom (May 12, 2010)

Oh! and I forgot to say: No Spray Bottles!

Spray bottles do work, some of the time, for some cats. However! You cannot "discipline" a cat that does not trust you. Trust comes first. Only THEN can you modify their behavior.

If you try to discipline without their trust, you just convince them that you are to be avoided at all costs.


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## ownedby4cats (Jan 23, 2012)

Griley-it sounds to me like he made a big step last night, maybe he could do that every night? I really think it would be nice if he read this forum. And the poster that mentioned getting down to the cats level-great idea! Not as threatening. And cooing is good too! (Although he may not be at that point yet). Actually your kitty doesn't sound that bad, I think with a little work, a bit of praising, cooing, your hubby will be a cat lover too!


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

Griley, your update is encouraging. I understand your husband's concerns and frankly I have to agree with him about one point: you don't want to be the family whose cat hisses or swats at friends, so what I would do is put kitty in a separate room (with food, water and litterbox) until your company with children leave. I have 5 cats and unless I know the visitors are happy to have cats under foot, I put them up in their room for the duration of the visit. You can agree to do this as a compromise. You agree to put the cat up when visitors with kids come until the cat is 100% sweetness and light, he agrees to make friends with kitty *the right way*. 

On a side note, I have good friends that have been married for almost 10 years. When they got engaged he convinced her to give up her senior cat for whatever stupid reason. 10 years later she still resents it and he feels very, very guilty. If he forces you to give up the cat it can cause a very real wedge in your relationship. As a person that has been married for almost 30 years let me give a piece of free advice. Ask him, for YOUR sake, to please try and make friends with this cat - that it means a lot to you. It will take time, it will take patience on his part, but it CAN be done.


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Just a thought, maybe go to a library and see if they have the " My Cat From ___l" Series with Jackson Galaxy...


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions!! Your insight and support is appreciated more than you know. 

All of the suggestions about him getting down to her level and being a little more "gentle" make sense. Though, he'll need to hear that from someone else I think. He's tried to give her treats before and I think I mentioned that because she was hissing afterwards, he believed that he was rewarding her for hissing, which we've already established here is not the case. 

We were away this past weekend, which I think was helpful to both us and the cats to let things calm down a bit after last week. Though, I didn't stop thinking about this all weekend and will admit that I've been stressed nonstop about it. It didn't help that the friends we were visiting were sharing stories about how they had to give up their cat and dog because they attacked their kids. (We didn't bring up the pet discussion, it just came about in conversation.) I couldn't look at my husband because I knew what he was thinking about. :-(

Anyway, when we got back there was a small hiss from Riley but since then, I haven't heard her do it to him. She's come close to him and meowed at him. He's been friendly to her but nothing more than before. He doesn't really attempt to pet her or talk to her. But I guess no hissing and some closer proximity is good.

I've contacted a cat behaviorist, and my husband has agreed to try whatever plan they lay out for us. But again, he mentions that if this doesn't work we'll need to find her a new home. I'm really hoping that this person is good and can provide us with a plan that we can follow that will make a positive change for us. We really need this to work. 

Keep us in your thoughts and if anyone has ideas on what to do when a cat hisses at you or someone, please share. While we wait for this consultation with the behaviorist to happen, I'd like some strategies to help keep the peace. If anyone has experience with a behaviorist or suggestions when working with one, please share!


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

7cats2dogs said:


> Just a thought, maybe go to a library and see if they have the " My Cat From ___l" Series with Jackson Galaxy...


That's a good idea.  Thanks!


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

Marcia said:


> Griley, your update is encouraging. I understand your husband's concerns and frankly I have to agree with him about one point: you don't want to be the family whose cat hisses or swats at friends, so what I would do is put kitty in a separate room (with food, water and litterbox) until your company with children leave. I have 5 cats and unless I know the visitors are happy to have cats under foot, I put them up in their room for the duration of the visit. You can agree to do this as a compromise. You agree to put the cat up when visitors with kids come until the cat is 100% sweetness and light, he agrees to make friends with kitty *the right way*.
> 
> On a side note, I have good friends that have been married for almost 10 years. When they got engaged he convinced her to give up her senior cat for whatever stupid reason. 10 years later she still resents it and he feels very, very guilty. If he forces you to give up the cat it can cause a very real wedge in your relationship. As a person that has been married for almost 30 years let me give a piece of free advice. Ask him, for YOUR sake, to please try and make friends with this cat - that it means a lot to you. It will take time, it will take patience on his part, but it CAN be done.


Thank you for this! Your words are encouraging and thank you for sharing that story and advice. 

And I agree about putting the cats in the room when people visit. I'm willing to do this since it would make everyone more comfortable. And hopefully one day the cats will be more used to kids and others. I think they just need more socialization, which may be harder now having moved to a new place and not having too many friends. I also feel bad and don't want to inconvenience others by asking them to come over to help me socialize/train the cats. But maybe that's just something I need to do and hopefully others will be willing.


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## rayrhonda (Jul 31, 2012)

Griley,

Sounds like Riley is coming around. A little hissing does not mean the cat is going to attack anyone. She's hissing because she's scared. It's good that he's ignoring her. That will show her he means no harm. Unfortunately, if he still has a hostile attitude she will pick up on that. I feel he is making a bigger deal out of this than is necessary. I'm thinking this may be more about you and his control issues than actually about the cat. Just a thought :?


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## Arkona (May 7, 2012)

7cats2dogs said:


> Just a thought, maybe go to a library and see if they have the " My Cat From ___l" Series with Jackson Galaxy...


Better yet... find out if they are casting for the next season, and send out a casting application. Maybe you can get the man himself to come and solve the problem, and then we'll all get to watch it on TV.


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

rayrhonda said:


> Griley,
> 
> Sounds like Riley is coming around. A little hissing does not mean the cat is going to attack anyone. She's hissing because she's scared. It's good that he's ignoring her. That will show her he means no harm. Unfortunately, if he still has a hostile attitude she will pick up on that. I feel he is making a bigger deal out of this than is necessary. I'm thinking this may be more about you and his control issues than actually about the cat. Just a thought :?


I agree that he is making a bigger deal out of this than necessary. I've tried to figure out why. I know that he feels that I am not being fair by forcing him to live like this and that he would never put me through this for this long. He says that if he had a dog who growled or barked at me like that that if the dog did not change within a couple of weeks, the dog would be out. So, I feel he definitely is taking this personally. I agree that just because the cat is hissing does not meant that she will attack. If she had that type of aggression I believe she would have already attacked him several times, in which case we would be dealing with a very different issue and I would be more seriously concerned about his well being (seeing as cat scratches and bites do have the possibility of becoming severely infected). I'm not sure if it's because he doesn't understand cats as much or just sticks to his view that animals are animals and any sign of aggression is dangerous.

I've tried very hard to put myself in his position to imagine what it would be like to live with a cat who hissed at me all the time in order to be able to understand where he is coming from. I admit that's difficult for me since I've never been in that position.


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

Arkona said:


> Better yet... find out if they are casting for the next season, and send out a casting application. Maybe you can get the man himself to come and solve the problem, and then we'll all get to watch it on TV.


Haha! I've actually already done that!  Submitted my application and everything as soon as I heard. They are casting now but I believe it's for Austin TX and maybe some other area. I don't think they'd come out to Fayetteville NC. :-( I would have loved to have had Jackson come out and help me solve this!!


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## JungliBillis (Mar 20, 2013)

Aww poor kitty! I hope your hubby will be willing to learn about cat behavior because if he does, he would see why Riley is behaving the way she is with him. He should put himself in her shoes where there is a giant in her home, terrorizing her with spray bottle. If he doesn't stop "punishing" her, all the progress he makes with her would be offset. You can only "reward" cats for good behavior to train them, as they do not respond to punishment. 

I think it's great that you have contacted a behaviorist. Perhaps hearing it from an expert directly would help him be more open to trying new ways with her. You can also get books like "Think Like a Cat" by Pam Johnson-Bennett and show to him the relevant sections to prove your point. It's a very good book about cat behavior.


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

JungliBillis said:


> Aww poor kitty! I hope your hubby will be willing to learn about cat behavior because if he does, he would see why Riley is behaving the way she is with him. He should put himself in her shoes where there is a giant in her home, terrorizing her with spray bottle. If he doesn't stop "punishing" her, all the progress he makes with her would be offset. You can only "reward" cats for good behavior to train them, as they do not respond to punishment.
> 
> I think it's great that you have contacted a behaviorist. Perhaps hearing it from an expert directly would help him be more open to trying new ways with her. You can also get books like "Think Like a Cat" by Pam Johnson-Bennett and show to him the relevant sections to prove your point. It's a very good book about cat behavior.


Thanks JungliBillis. I agree that she becomes more skiddish and afraid with punishment. I'm also hoping that hearing from an expert will help us both.

Thanks for the book recommendation! I have that book as well as a couple of others that I've been reading through trying to gather tips and they've been helpful. 

Initial consultation with the behaviorist is this Tuesday. Wish me luck!


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

Wishing you luck and keep us posted. I am interested in what a behaviorist suggests.


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

Have you met with the behaviorist yet or is it next week (Aug 27?).


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

It's next week (8/27). I'll post some updates. I'm interested to hear what she has to say as well. Fingers crossed this works out!


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## rayrhonda (Jul 31, 2012)

Hey Griley,

It'll have to work or you'll have to get rid of the hubby :wink Good luck!


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

rayrhonda said:


> Hey Griley,
> 
> It'll have to work or you'll have to get rid of the hubby :wink Good luck!


 
HA!! I can see it now on a Craigslist post :devil:

_*Needing to rehome one slightly used DH. Good with dogs, not so much with cats. Gives orders VERY well. UTD on shots but not neutered. No fee. Serious inquiries only.*_

Sorry, had to chuckle as I thought of this. :jump


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Marcia said:


> HA!! I can see it now on a Craigslist post :devil:
> 
> _*Needing to rehome one slightly used DH. Good with dogs, not so much with cats. Gives orders VERY well. UTD on shots but not neutered. No fee. Serious inquiries only.*_
> 
> Sorry, had to chuckle as I thought of this. :jump


 ROFLMAO!!!
OH...Marcia!!!!


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## Catmamma (Apr 18, 2011)

I agree with Cat Owner Again. Your husband sounds scary and your cat sounds like an ordinary but somewhat timid cat. I hope you get your husband to do some research about how to raise cats. And children before you have them. Unfortunately, he may have lost any chance of your cat's responding affectionately to him. Maybe you can get your husband to do some volunteering at a shelter and let them teach him how to deal with cats?


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## Griley (Apr 26, 2013)

Catmamma said:


> I agree with Cat Owner Again. Your husband sounds scary and your cat sounds like an ordinary but somewhat timid cat. I hope you get your husband to do some research about how to raise cats. And children before you have them. Unfortunately, he may have lost any chance of your cat's responding affectionately to him. Maybe you can get your husband to do some volunteering at a shelter and let them teach him how to deal with cats?


Yes, my biggest fear is that too much damage has been done. I can only hope that we can turn things around. Your idea about volunteering at a shelter is a good one, though I don't think he would be willing to do that. :-(


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## rayrhonda (Jul 31, 2012)

Griley,

Your kitty may never like your husband because of the scary experiences, but I don't think this cat is a danger to others or to children. Your husband has just made this personal between him and this cat. He really needs to grow up. Think about how he may react if your future children cry when he tries to pick them up, etc. This happens often because children go through phases when they're scared of everyone, except maybe Mommy! Please don't back down on this and get rid of your kitty. Hubby needs to learn to adapt and act like an adult. He can just ignore the cat. Eventually the hissing will stop. They may never be "buddies", but they can live together. I wish you well because I fear this is just the beginning of issues you may have to deal with in this relationship. Take care


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

I really hate to say this...
But, I to, feel there is more going on here, than just a cat that hisses...
The poor cat is just a 'Symptom' for other underlying issues...That are there...
Unfortunately, for some people, it's to easy to Direct Aggression towards animals and kids....
They can't defend themselves and if they try to, they just get beaten/tortured more...
I also have a strong hunch, that unless the animal behaviourest is a 'Male' your husband isn't going to listen...
I truly am so sorry that you are stuck in this position.


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