# your cats and houseguests



## velvet6 (Dec 17, 2008)

I'm curious as to what some of you do when you have guests...namely those with children. Most children love animals, love to be around them, love to pet them, love to play with them. You pets, however, aren't always equally thrilled.

My cat is scared of everyone who isn't me, my husband or my mom. He hides, he runs, he gets into a defensive posture if someone new gets too close. Nearly every adult and child visiting my house understand and keep a respectful distance so as not to stress Velvet out more than he already is. Unfortunately, there are one or two families who have young children who are...difficult, to say the least. They aggressively run after him, root out his hiding spots, try to touch him when he doesn't want to be touched, and insist loudly that "NO. WANNA TOUCH KITTY!" which freaks him out even more...he hates it when voices are raised.

I've tried gently explaining to the kids that they're scaring him. Try to make them understand that when his ears flatten and he's backing up, that it's not a good idea to get closer. But they barely listen to their parents so they're really not gonna listen to me. The only thing I can do is to make sure he's eaten and used the facilities (which are in the kitchen, well in view of everyone) long before guests arrive so he can retire to his most unreachable hiding corner in peace. But alas, all my careful planning doesn't work out because he'll still get hungry or need to use the litter box and it's pandemonium as the kids chase after him again as he's trying to lap up a bit of water. I'm really afraid that one day, he's gonna lose it and scratch one of these little angels...heck, he adores me and he's scratched me a time or two when I've absentmindedly stroked him too much and missed the warning angry thumps of his tail. If he can do that to someone he loves, imagine what he'd do to a kid who is scaring the willies out of him.

I'm afraid I can't move his food bowls and litterbox to another location...don't want to get into an explanation but basically, we're in a small apartment and the logistics of it all (as well as Velvet's habit of eating anything he finds that isn't food) make it impossible.

So what do you all do when you face a situation like this?

Come to think of it (and yeah - this question isn't really about cats...sorry mods) how do you deal with the bratty children of your friends who believe your house is one great playroom, who don't understand that no means no, that you cannot track your dirty shoes across my precious heirloom rug that was my grandmother's last gift to me before she died, who throw tantrums at the slightest provocation and generally make what should be a pleasant evening with friends a h***ish experience that you wish would soon end. Yeah...I had a tough weekend. Rant over. Sorry


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Bratty kids aren't allowed in my house. I go to their parents' houses, so I can leave when I've had enough. If I have to have an excuse, I use the "traumatized/abused cats" excuse. Plus my place is small. As much as I can control it, drama doesn't cross my doorway, my home is my sanctuary. I rarely have people over, I prefer to go out to socialize. Kind of a private person.


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## Leazie (Apr 14, 2007)

My husband fixed someone's computer and when they came to pick it up they brought their bratty children. Not only do I have kitties, but I have 2 dogs- one of whom does NOT do new anything well. It was horrible while they were here as I was so sure that one of the kids would be bitten or scratched. The next time they came they were not allowed in the house. Seriously, we stood on the front porch and talked. 

Thankfully none of our friends have young children so we don't have to deal with this on a regular basis. Oh, and I am very much like Marie. I don't like many people coming to my house. I hate to have my routine bothered.


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## katlover13 (Apr 15, 2008)

When I was raising my children I did a lot of babysitting to make ends meet. I learned to be extremely firm with other peoples children. "This is my home and when you are here I expect you to follow my rules." Strong eye contact while telling them they were not allowed to do "whatever" usually worked. I was also not above physically stopping them from doing certain things. (Although I never, ever spanked a child that was not my own) Even if the parents were present I would not allow the children to behave like brats.
What was funny was that these children would usually end up behaving for me and then turned into terrors for their parents. 
It is really too bad that so many parents are afraid to make their kids behave.


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## Huge2 (Jan 28, 2008)

Shut them in a room with no breakable objects, but give them a few toys to play with (laser, Da Bird etc), but to make sure you're not being cruel, put in a food bowl and litter box. 

That way you and your friends are left in peace, and kitty can roam the flat as she pleases, without being molested.


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

I can *so* relate to this question! We had a family of 4 visit us a couple months ago where the kids were unholy terrors, to my complete surprise. I went around talking about this issue for a good week afterwards because I was so conflicted about what I should have done.

My conclusion was, my primary responsibililty is to Murphy. If their kids are behaving badly and scaring him, he's the one I'm worried about. Actually, things got so bad that I took him upstairs and sat with him in a bedroom for the last half-hour they were there. It wasn't my finest hostess moment, but I stick with my original thought -- my primary responsibility is to him, and he's unable to defend himself in this situation. If the parents aren't controlling the kids, it's sure not my responsibility to do it for them. So exit, stage left.


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## Huge2 (Jan 28, 2008)

You absolutely did the right thing. Cats (as I now see) ARE members of our family. Their welfare comes before anyone else, ESPECIALLY if it's other people's pets... sorry children, that are the problem.


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

As I see it, you have 3 choices...put the cat in a separate room, don't have these kids in your house until they're old enough to behave or clip his nails beforehand and let the kids take their lumps.

If it's only for a few hours, there's no need to move litterbox and food/water....he'll survive just fine. I'm not sure I understand why you can't move the box and food anyway....I've have litterboxes stuck in the middle of my bedroom, I deal with it for a short time.

I have plenty of friends that I've made a habit of going to their house instead of them coming to me. I would just say "oh little Johnny will have so much more to keep him occupied if he's at home, I'll come to you, it's easier all around".

And with the last option, I would tell the parent "When Velvet retreats and still gets chased he gets defensive and may lash out. I clipped Velvet's nails, but that doesn't mean he can't scratch Little Johnny and it certainly won't prevent him from biting". It's the parent's responsibility from there...


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

My house. My pets. My rules: _My pets' well-being comes before *any* guests._

My rules are if the cat wants to get away from you: let it. If the cat goes under something: leave it alone. If the children will not listen/obey then they are removed from having *any/all* contact with my pets. I can close the cats in the bedroom WITH food, water and a litterbox. _There is no reason why these things cannot be moved there for a short while so the cat is safe, un-stressed and comfortable. They can easily be moved back after the guests have gone._ I can also direct everyone outside and control/monitor EVERY child who wishes to go inside for a drink, potty, or whatever excuse to disobey my rules and open the kitty-door because they wanna see. 
I do not tolerate uncontrollable children well at all, and I have no problem getting louder than them and scarrier, to boot. _There will be no screaming/yelling in MY house unless *I* am the one doing it._ :twisted: Children having tantrums can go outside and can come back inside when they have decided to be quiet.


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## velvet6 (Dec 17, 2008)

Wow. Go all of you for putting your foot down. I wish I could work up that kind of courage. I'm to the point where with certain friends, I find a way to socialize with them outside of my home. But you really can't do that with family. 

I guess I'm just gonna have to be more forceful. My house, my rules, right?

And no, there really is no way to move his equipment from the kitchen. My apartment is small. Can't put his stuff in the bathroom because there's only one and so guests are using it. The kitchen and living room are connected and a common area. There are no doors to shut them off from each other and the living room is the only place large enough to accommodate guests. There is only my bedroom and I did try moving things there once. He was not pleased. I left him there with his stuff when we first had guests and shut the door. I thought he'd be ok because he loves my bedroom (it's usually off limits to him) and is always sneaking in there. I went to check on him after about 1/2 an hour. He'd torn the curtains, knocked over his food and water bowl, gone outside the litter box and proceeded to hide under the my bed, refusing to come out for a good hour after the guests left. I'll grant you he's a handful, but that is the first and only time he's ever behaved like that, especially when it comes to the litter box. I know my boy. He'd rather explode than go outside his box, so I know that what he did that night was because I'd made him deviate from his routine.

Note to self. Put foot down. It's the only way.


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## RachandNito (Nov 21, 2008)

My mom's neighbor has a little grand-daughter. The sweetest thing, but has no idea when a cat has had enough. Luckily, she learned her lesson one day after chasing Elfie around the yard. He finally leaped at her and nipped her arm. He left no marks (he never breaks skin) but the shock of it made her cry. Needless to say, she respects any distance my mom's cats request from her, and no longer chases them when they run away. And her grandma scolded her, and wasn't mad at all that Elfie bit her- my mother _had_ just warned the little girl that Elfie seemed to be getting irritated. 

She still isn't very good at holding the cats- we let her pick up the kittens sometimes. Keanu is totally afraid of her, but every time Chica comes to visit and gets carried around haphazardly-, she seems to enjoy it. She'll be plopped onto the ground by the little girl and proceed to attack her shoe-laces instead of running away. 

We let our cats handle unwanted visitors. They've always been EXTREMELY patient with young kids (I was 8 when we got Elfie, with three younger sisters so there have always been little ones around) but they also know how to give a pretty clear hint when they've had enough and they know how to hide inside box-spring mattresses.


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## Huge2 (Jan 28, 2008)

Heidi n Q said:


> _There will be no screaming/yelling in MY house unless *I* am the one doing it._


hahahaha


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Huge said:


> Shut them in a room with no breakable objects, but give them a few toys to play with (laser, Da Bird etc), but to make sure you're not being cruel, put in a food bowl and litter box.


Not sure if anyone else got that you're talking about the *children* here! :lol:


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

I did. And I smiled. :mrgreen:


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## Huge2 (Jan 28, 2008)

marie73 said:


> Huge said:
> 
> 
> > Shut them in a room with no breakable objects, but give them a few toys to play with (laser, Da Bird etc), but to make sure you're not being cruel, put in a food bowl and litter box.
> ...


Who else would I be talking about? :?


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## velvet6 (Dec 17, 2008)

Who else indeed? 

Man I wish I could do that. 

That would be hilarious.


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## gaz23g (Nov 30, 2008)

we only really had one bratty kid in our house that wouldn't listen and insisted on chasing TJ all over, of course eventually she got fed up and turned on them and i must admit did leave marks (bad kitty :dis ) but as i explained to the irrate mam, she was told and after all it is my cats home not hers so no apology given and they should be grateful that they were allowed into her home. needless to say they don't come round any more  and i am so upset about that! 8) so is TJ


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

Huge said:


> marie73 said:
> 
> 
> > Huge said:
> ...


The parents!


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Pffft! By the time it's gone that far, spay/neuter are the only options. :lol:


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## velvet6 (Dec 17, 2008)

You guys are devious and just plain awful...

:wink: 

This is why I love this forum.

Although I have to warn you, most of what you're suggesting is illegal...but only if there are witnesses.

:twisted:


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

velvet6 said:


> Although I have to warn you, most of what you're suggesting is illegal...but only if there are witnesses.
> :twisted:


I've worked for two Sheriff Offices. If you've ever got a problem *_wink-wink_*...give me a shout and I'll share some 'industry secrets'. :lol:


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## velvet6 (Dec 17, 2008)

Heidi!

Are you implying that I perhaps do something that is less than above-board?

I am shocked.

Shocked and appalled!


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Dear Shocked and Appalled:

After about 20 combined years of watching CSI and Law & Order episodes, I can help, also.

:wink:


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Eh, the only "shocked and apalled" you're gonna express is at how easy it is to get away with it *if* you know what to do and not do. I'm telling you...our jails are not filled with people who 'thought-things-out'. :wink 

Marie, we should probably start a business together. 
I had first thought of one (as a joke) at a horse forum. A member posted about how she was invited to a former best-friend's wedding...not as a guest...but to be a "server" for the other guests. This former 'best-friend' was "former" because she was caught _doing-the-deed_ with the other girl's boyfriend. He is now also designated as a "former".

She wanted to stand up during the ceremony at the point where the question "Is there anyone with just cause with any reason why this marriage should not take place? Stand up now, or forever hold your piece." but was too chicken. I told her *I'd* do it for her. I'd just get up, try to get to the aisle (_excuse me, pardon me, coming through, excuse me_) and then, when I'd reached the aisle I'd look up and notice everyone looking at me with horror and say: "What? Where's the bathroom?"
I even named my new business "Passive Aggressive Wedding Disruption, satisfaction guaranteed for 24 hrs. No payment necessary if no one cries, screams, faints or damages furniture. Not responsible for any injuries incurred at the event." I told her I'd serve at the wedding in her place, and as I handed out canape's, hors d'ourves and champagne flutes to the guests, I'd warn them of her man-stealing ways. I also told her to send them a gift. She was invited, after all. The gift should be a lovely photo of the bride and groom, with a caption stating "This one is yours. Everyone else's is off limits."
I even thought of branching out to perform at birthday parties, anniversaries, divorces (_though I think my efforts there wouldn't have much thunder_), engagements, graduations and family reunions. Though I declined to perform at any funeral or memorial services. I mean, I've got to have moral and ethical standards, you know?


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I can see you with your own crime show on TLC: (move over Stacy and Clinton!)

"What Not To *Do*"  

And what a great idea for a sort of "Candid Camera" type of wedding series......The Candid Ho Show!

(Mum's not going to like that one) 8O


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

The Candid _Heidi_-Ho Show; where we make your secret/evil dreams come true...


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

Heidi-Ho, that's funny.

Actually, if you're going to branch out into reality shows with this valuable service, you should consider opening a booth in the lobby of Kleinfeld, the bridal dress store where Say Yes To The Dress is made. No reason brides shouldn't include that as part of their wedding planning.


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## Huge2 (Jan 28, 2008)

Heidi n Q said:


> Eh, the only "shocked and apalled" you're gonna express is at how easy it is to get away with it *if* you know what to do and not do. I'm telling you...our jails are not filled with people who 'thought-things-out'. :wink
> 
> Marie, we should probably start a business together.
> I had first thought of one (as a joke) at a horse forum. A member posted about how she was invited to a former best-friend's wedding...not as a guest...but to be a "server" for the other guests. This former 'best-friend' was "former" because she was caught _doing-the-deed_ with the other girl's boyfriend. He is now also designated as a "former".
> ...


I seriously doubt that this isn't the best thing I've ever read on here ever. Just brilliant.

It reminds me of a scene in a British comedy "The Vicar of Dibley", where a young couple (long standing characters) were in church due to be married. The vicar gets to those words "or let them forever hold their peace" when the doors burst open, and a woman shouts "yes, he's already married". She then goes on a long rant, about how the man was a liar and a cheat. At which point the couple turn around, the bride in tears. The woman then just says:

"oh, sorry. Wrong church".


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## melysion (Mar 12, 2007)

:lol: :lol:

Back to the actual topic ... personally if I was in a similar situation, I'd let the kids learn the hard way. If Toby doesn't like what you are doing to him, he will bite you, its as simple as that.

A few nips later and the kids would soon learn not to chase kitty who wants to be left alone around. Lesson learned. And the parents could whinge all they wanted .. if they controlled their children, they wouldn't have gotten bitten would they?


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

I see your point, Ally, but what has happened in that scenario is that Toby got agitated and maybe scared, when the whole thing could have been avoided. I know I worry too much about their little feelings, but I'd much rather just avoid a situation where Murphy has to assert himself, than wait for it to happen.


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## PeaceLoveRescue (Feb 15, 2008)

Luckily I don't get many house guests and when I do they are usually adults. My brother is 14 so he knows enough to leave the cats alone and what to do/not to do. You'd think him being allergic would be enough to keep him away but no, says he doesn't care. :roll: 

My dad is also allergic but only to adult cats When Reyna was a kitten he used to carry her around outside with him and show her off to the neighbors.  But now when my parents and brother come over (very rare) I put Bosco and Reyna in the cat room. Both of them still go up and say high to the cats and end up suffering of course. But they are the only guests I'll put my cats away for everyone else can deal with it and should they bother my cats I tell them off point blank for it if they don't like that then they know where the door is. In my home I will not play by their silly rules and obey their silly whims.

I've also hung this sign in front of the door. :twisted:


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Aaaahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hah! :lol: I love your sign! Now add: _...and must be muzzled at all times._


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## WhiteKitties (Dec 22, 2008)

I think as long as you make it clear to the parents that your cat WILL eventually scratch or bite, it's their problem from that point on. If they ask you why you don't put Velvet in your bedroom, tell them exactly what you've told us, and also point out that this is Velvet's home and the children need to respect his space. 

Since this won't immediately solve the problem, is there any way you could tuck a favorite box under or behind a large piece of furniture, so Velvet can hide in the box and feel safer? My niece and nephew aren't nearly as bad as your problem visitors, but Fern does get tired of them after a while. So I've taken a box that's just short enough to fit under a chair in the corner of the family room, cut out the side so Fern can get into it, and I shove it way back in the corner before the kids arrive. That way Fern can hide but still be able to watch all the action, and the kids can't reach far enough under the chair to get to her. My sister deals with them if they start crying or yelling about it, but if she didn't I would very quickly make sure they understand they need to leave the kitty alone.

Oh, and my nephew will chase the laser pointer dot around just like the cats, so I use that to distract him sometimes and give the girls a break. :lol:


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

I sympathize velvet. I frequently have friends over and you would think that they would know how to act around my monsters. But no. *sighs*

I've developed a method.
When they come in the door I say "Here. This is Muffin. You can do just about anything to him, but if he doesn't want to be held let him go." I hand them Muffin.
I point at Doran. "You may pet Doran, if you pick him up he WILL climb to your shoulders and dig his back claws in for balance. But he loves to be petted."
Then I point at Torri. "Torri is the scared looking white a fluffy one. If she comes to you you can pet her gently. She will claw you if you move too fast."
Then I pause and point at Jitzu who is doing her best impersonation of a cute fuzzy puss-cat. "Do NOT pet the black and white one. Jitzu will claw you. If she comes up to you I will chase her away."

Once they have been warned I just monitor the cats. Torri usually will hide up high, and since she's very good at being small they usually forget about her. Muffin engages their attention, and Doran doesn't really care. Jitzu is sassy for a bit, pretending to ask for cuddles. I don't let anyone who is unfamiliar with her even try to pet her. I have a few friends who are allowed, because they have been gotten by her before and are cautious. Also, she's getting better and I want her to like people eventually.

Especially with Jitzu if they've been warned there's usually someone who says "No, ALL cats like me." They push her too far and end up getting some nice scratches. I don't feel bad because they're all over 18, and i warned them.

If it were little kids I would lock Jitzu and Torri up, and let them play with the boys. I generally wouldn't but Torri gets very upset if you touch her tail (her very tempting, fluffly tail), and when Jitzu gets mad she goes for the face....Which would be bad.

That being said if I have a party with lots of people I shut my cats up. They get very nervous...minus Muffin who gets to visit until the drinks are really going.

I do feel that you should lay down the rules. Especially for a longer visit, but sometimes kids do need to learn the hard way.


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## joizeydevil (Jun 10, 2009)

I'm temprorarily living with my older sister and her daughter of 5 years and this kid is a terror at times. My older cat, Klunk, is so kind hearted and a little on the stupid side, he just lets her pick him up and drag him around (he's heavy) until they finally arrive in the living room where she releases him. He then just flops over onto the carpet. If he gets irritated, he'll deal with the torture until it ends and then walk away with a disgruntled look on his face. I'm almost always present so I can correct when things get out of hand. But usually the girl knows that when the cat gets up to leave, you let him leave. End of story. I have no issue with addressing poor behavior around animals with kids, related or not.

But if for any reason she would become too rough, I'd simply separate them. I tend to let the animals decide whether they want to come out for company or not. If not then they know where to hide. If they're searched out by a small child that won't take "no" for an answer, I move Klunk to the basement and the kitten to my room. A child's dangerous behavior around an animal of any kind can lead to an injury and I'd rather just avoid that all together. Instead of letting my cats go through the last resort of having to defend themselves, I just take away the problem and everything is fixed.


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