# Goodbye Gustav



## sivies (Jun 10, 2010)

15 years went by without realizing how much I relied on you always being there. When we met you were just a ball of fur but those eyes...those eyes made everyone love you - even when you frightened my friend by staring at her for minutes on end...I was scared I would kill you in your sleep by rolling on top of you. You were my Muppet and my best friend. You were my Goose - my Goosey - my Goober - my Goobertav - my Gooseman - my Goosemaster - my Freakshow. You always knew when bed time was. You met me in my room, laying in your corner staring at me. You were my sudoku partner while I laid in bed. You sitting on my chest rubbing your face against the book trying to get your nose underneath to touch it against mine. You were my dance partner and my groupie when I practiced music on the guitar. You lived in four states with me. You made me feel like anywhere I lived was home. You flew on 2 airplanes and traveled shotgun in a UHaul for 8 hours on a pillow by my side. You were outdoor when we lived in Seattle and you knew which window was mine when you wanted in. I remember you standing there staring at me scratching at the screen to wake me - our eyes would meet, you would stop scratching and as you saw me leave the room toward the living room you would dart meeting me at the back door. I still never figured out how you knew which window was my bedroom from outside. As a kitten you scared the **** out of me when we lived with Natalie and I heard a faint meow coming from the couch. I knew the springs were sticking out of the bottom of the couch - I lifted the couch myself and saw your tail through the metal and slowly had to maneuver you out without stabbing you. I was mad. I was also mad when you were a kitten and you got into the cherry pie I tried to put as high as possible so you wouldn't be able to get to it. You did. I remember walking into the kitchen and finding the cherry pie on the floor and cherry paw prints leading to you staring at me with those big eyes and cherry pie dripping down your face. Being mad at you lasted about three seconds. You were too **** cute. You almost fell out of that window when we lived in NY and my heart almost exploded I was so afraid. You were born in a convenient store - the runt of the litter - and three weeks later we met. You were so tiny yet those eyes made me melt. You looked like a tuxedo pom pom ball. 

I tried to do everything I could to save you. I caught it too late. Why did you hide it from me? Everyone said cats hide illness well - they said it was just instinct - I didn't think that you would hide it from me. I thought you understood that I would try to save you. I tried but it was too late. The force feeding made you gag. The steroids made you throw up. Even the sardines I bought for you didn't make you want to eat. The insulin shots made you too tired and I was nervous that I gave you too much. My credit card is maxed. I'd do it again. I couldn't look at you getting skinnier and skinnier - your skin starting to turn a yellow hue. I couldn't worry about you anymore. I couldn't try to coax you from under the bed anymore. I couldn't know that you were just going to get worse and watch it. I had second thoughts every minute Monday morning before we went to the vet. I thought maybe we could wait another few days but I was scared that you would die at home or that I'd find you had gone to the bathroom on yourself. You couldn't get into bed with me on your own - it was difficult for you to get in bed even with the step but you were still purring. Still sitting on my lap. You were walking funny but you weren't dead. That was me. I know that the time would be soon but I still don't know if the when should have been my choice. I know you knew how loved you are. I just can't believe you are gone. I miss you and I'm sorry that I had to choose your last moment.


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## SpaceyKP (May 8, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss. atback I'm sure Gustav knows you did everything you could to take care of him. And even though you had to choose his last moment, he knows you did it out of love for him.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Please accept my heartfelt condolences. What a beautiful encomium you wrote for Gustav.
h =^..^=


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## Kobster (Feb 1, 2007)

Hugs to you. Gustav was obviously well loved and cared for in his life, and in his passing. You did your best for him. He knows that.


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## Sara K (May 28, 2010)

Im so sorry for your loss. atback 

I very recently lost my furry angel, and best friend of 14 years. So I feel your pain. The decision to put him to sleep was heartrending, I hated doing it, and it was the most horrible moment of my life, but I knew I was doing it out of love for him. And you did the same for Gustav. Im sure he knew how very much he was loved. <3


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## LilRed (Jul 16, 2008)

I'm so sorry. Sounds like his life was a happy adventure with his always faithful friend. Rest in peace, Gustav.


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## katlover13 (Apr 15, 2008)

Gustav loved you very much, everything you said in your post proves that. You did everything you could for him and I'm sure he knows that. I know how the guilt can be when we choose their last moments, but you realized how sick and unhappy he must have been and freed him from the pain. You were his favorite person and you will someday meet again.


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## Leazie (Apr 14, 2007)

Gustav is running free over the Bridge with the wonderful memories of your love to keep him company until you meet again. Setting him free was your greatest act of kindness toward him.

I hope that soon the pain will lessen and you will only remember the good times.


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## razzle (May 20, 2010)

God I'm sooooooo sorry that this had to happen. I dread the day when I'm put in the same position. He was so loved . I cried and I laughed about the cherry pie incident. I could just imagine his face with pie on it. That must of been so cute. I know how much you are hurting and I'm sorry. 

Kathy


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## sivies (Jun 10, 2010)

Thanks to everyone for their kind words. I tried to load a picture of his beautiful face but they were all too big.
Each day gets a little easier but it's still hard to go to bed and not see him there or I find myself starting to look for him and quickly remembering that he's gone. One day at a time...


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## VincentParker (Jun 13, 2010)

Sivies, my heart goes out to you and to Gustav. It's a very hard decision to make doesn't even come close to the reality of the situation.

Your nicknames for him made me laugh. I had a bunch of similar names for my Jazzmine. When do they stop being cats and start being persons to us? It happens early, I know. And it just sneaks up on you. One day you are you, the next you are two.

This is my first day on the forum, and I'm still drowning from the absence of my girl. But reading your post and many others I feel comforted. Even the tears I cried when I read about Mr. Gustav give me comfort. Because I know there are many cats out there that have the pleasure of knowing humans that love them. Really love them.

Gustav is one of those cats.  He will always have a home and though the window is not made of glass, he still knows where to find it. Rest in peace, little guy.

Best wishes,

Vince


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

How very true Vince's post is! You have given Gustav a wonderful life. I know the pain is very difficult, indescribably so. I have been through it too often...but I know our gracious God knows every sparrow that falls, and I hope that is a comfort to you. Someday, you'll see him again. Until then, God bless you and give you comfort.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

My son's fiance's cat Gustav just passed also. Any cat name Gustav must be an extra special cat. My heart goes out to you. Beautiful tribute to you companion. You will see him again. He is not gone forever but waiting for you at the rainbow bridge.


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