# Extremely shy and scared cat



## brody (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi everyone! I'm new to this forum and I hope you can help me with my problem. My fiancee and I just adopted two 3 month old kitties, both girls and from the same litter. We got one of them home before the other, and she adjusted beautifully. She lets us pet her, she plays constantly, and she seems very comfortable. We got the other one the next day, and she would barely even come out of the carrier. We knew she would be tough because she had been equally shy at her previous home. 

She is hiding almost constantly, and when she does come out, she keeps her body very low to the ground, and if she is spotted, she makes a mad dash for her next hiding spot. She won't let anyone near her, except her sister. I don't know if she's even been able to eat anything or use the litterbox. I know she wasn't handled much (if at all) in the first, and only, 3 months of her life. 

Can anyone help or offer suggestions? I am completely at a loss!

Thanks!


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## katlover13 (Apr 15, 2008)

I know there are two schools of thought here about shy kitties. Some say to leave them alone until they relax and come to you. The thing that has always worked for me, though, is to catch them and hold them close to you while speaking softly and caressing them. When I have done this, it is always when I have a lot of time to just sit and hold the kitty. My Buzz used to live with my brother and he and his wife named him Buzz Saw because he was so afraid that he wouldn't let anyone near him. He would claw like a wild animal. When I visited my brother I held Buzzy close to me for much of the day and before I left he was purring for me. Eventually he became my cat and he is the one who cuddles up to me every night.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

I would treat her like a feral and do an intense handling course with her.

Place her in a small bathroom with a safe place to 'hide'. I like to use a brand new hood to a litterbox sitting on a thick and comfy bath-mat. This way, if I want access to the cat, I can easily reach her. Keep food, water, scratch post and a litterbox handy. I like to keep the litterbox in the shower or tub with a whisk broom nearby to clean up spilled/kicked litter.

Go in the bathroom several times a day to just sit quietly. Perhaps bring good things to eat for the kitty, like canned food or cooked chicken to feed by hand. If kitty is hiding in the hood/mat, hold the chicken pieces into/under the hood for her to eat from your fingers. If/when kitty comes out, scruff her and place her on your lap (thick jeans, possibly a towel, to protect your legs from claws). If she won't come out on her own, reach in and gently (scruff) bring her out, without any fuss. Just be matter of fact. 
With your free hand, gently rub her head, neck, shoulders and back, giving her a massage that she can eventually learn feels good. When you feel her begin to relax, let go of her scruff but keep massaging as if you never _had_ to scruff her. Let her leave your lap of her own accord. If she does not relax (and she may not at first), you set her off your lap (in the direction of the hood/mat) and deliberately let her go. Do not let her go when/if she is struggling, only after she is still. It is okay if she scoots away right away. Eventually, when nothing bad has happened, she will stop to look back at you to wonder why you aren't hurting/eating/whatever-bad-thing-she-is-imagining her.

Do NOT look directly at her immediately after you let her go. Act as if you don't care what she does. It is no big deal. Ho hum.

If she stops and looks back at you, then you can look at her with a gentle smile on your face (so it reaches your eyes) and before she looks away or moves, YOU slide your gaze away from her, and/or slowly blink your eyes at her while sliding your gaze away. 
A direct gaze in cat language is aggressive and can be interpreted as a threat when the cat is flighty. By not looking at the cat, or looking away and/or blinking, you are telling the cat that you are not scared/concerned about what the cat is doing and you don't have to keep it under constant surveillance.
You can also keep the friendlier kitty with her during this week or so of little handling sessions, or just bring that kitty in with you, so the scared kitty can see the other kitty is confident and not fearful.

Be prepared that this may take a while. It will take patient consistency to show this cat that human handling feels good and will not hurt her. Some cats can be left to their own devices to figure things out on their own, but I prefer to move the process along at a steadier rate instead of leaving it up to the cat to draw its own conclusions, because sometimes the cat just won't become comfortable enough to explore those possibilities on its' own.
Good luck,
Heidi


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

Heide explained it perfectly. I dont beleive in leaving them to come on their own to you. It might be too ingrained to stay away from you by this age.

I have two "feral" kittens that I got when they were about 10 -12 weeks old. They gave me the half eyed stare. I left them in my covered 4x4 the first two days and just would come up and talk to them so theyd know my voice. Then Id sit with them with soft food. I gently held them & talked to them, then released them so they knew they could leave on their own accord. 

It progressed fast plus they saw the other kittens getting love and pets from me. Now they curl up in my lap and are fine. They run away from me initially but then walk back and want me to pick them up. They purr and and do the silent meows. Its very sweet. 

Your kitten will come around but you have to consistantly push the envelope with touching, holding & talking at first.


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## petspy (Sep 11, 2008)

brody - all I can add this thread is to be patient.
I adopted a caged cat who spent the first 2 weeks hiding from me.
I kept his food, drink, bed, litter, hiding place all in the same area.
He's still very skittish, but comes out now for play and cuddling,
and recently takes cat naps away from his usual hiding places.
At this rate he should be fully human socialized in a few Months.


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## brody (Oct 27, 2008)

Thank all of you for your help. I'm living in an apartment, so there is no real suitable to contain her that is free of inaccessable hiding places. So far I have been keeping her and her sister in the living room and allowing her to do as she pleases. 

She has made some big strides in the last few days, she is playing with us, and getting a lot closer to us. She is still afraid of hands though. (I don't think she understands that humans are connected to feet and legs  ) She got close enough to me today that I could have scruffed her, but I didn't do it because I think she is starting to trust me a lot more now. Though I have to take her to the vet today, and that may make her regress, sadly.

I've noticed that, despite being the same age as her sister, she is not only notably smaller, but she is more kitten like in behavior. Her movements are not as deliberate, and when she goes for prey (her toys) she tends to flail a bit. She was almost definitely the runt of the litter.

Do you guys think, given the strides she has taken, and the fact that she is "younger," I should just leave her be, and hope she gets used to me, or should I make more attempts to hold her and pet her? I really want to do whatever is best for her.


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