# To one of my little ones, "DJ"



## Civicchik96 (Apr 20, 2004)

I've been coming to these boards for awhile now, mostly just lurking, sharing everyones stories about, advice on, and love for our 'babies'. I've always loved all animals, and having a 1 year old cat myself, I too, know of one of the greatest joys of sharing that special bond between a person and their pet. I also suffer from a very disabling case of social anxiety disorder, and my cats, my indoor, and all of my outdoor, let me be free to express myself, be myself, and feel connected in some way.
I've been taking care of my strays since the middle of June. Back then, I had 2 momma cats, with 4 kittens each. In the weeks and months following, I've gotten to know their personalities, one by one, and can tell each of them apart, to the surprise of all of my friends and family, who haven't been able to pick up on the little spot here, the little spot there. I always keep fresh water out, and while it may not be the best food money can buy, I also keep fresh food out for them. I want my little patio to be a place where they can feel safe and secure, and know there's someone there they can trust, all the while trying to catch the little guys, and trying to find a good shelter for them.
Well, about a month ago, we got another expecting mother here, who had 4 beautiful little kittens, and she was trusting of us enough to let us help her try to keep them fed and safe. They'd even found that the patio chair cushions are much more comfortable than the hard concrete, and have made themselves very much at home here. I've even found myself talking to them on a few occasions, getting them a little closer to me, but none would still let me pet them. 
I was outside last night, around 3 am, and had stepped out on the front for a second. I caught sight of one of the little ones I've been calling "DJ", who was running past my car. I knelt down and spoke to him, he stopped for a second before heading off into the woods. I, regretfully, didn't think anything of it, as he's always been a shy one, and went back inside. 5 minutes passed and I heard the sound of a cat howling, sort of like if they're in a cat fight, near the front. I immediately ran outside, as the sound was heading to the back of the house. I ran through the house to the back door, as the sounds of the howling continued. As soon as I got my hand on the door knob and opened the door, the howling stopped, and I caught sight of a huge raccoon with the kitten in his mouth, running off into the woods. My heart sank.
It's noon here now where I am, and I haven't slept or stopped crying since. I've tried going over into the woods a bit to find the kitten to give him a proper burial, but have found nothing. I've sat on the ground near the momma cat and sobbed and have felt so guilty that she trusted me and my place enough to help keep her and her babies safe, and I feel like I failed. Not to mention the pain and selfishness I feel for not having caught these babies soon enough to give them a chance at having a better life, and more dignified demise than what has happened.
Not many people here around me can understand my sorrow. 'Well, it's just a stray.' 'That's just how it goes.' It wasn't like it was yours.', but the love I have for all of these cats makes them mine in my heart. 
I just hope that the little amount of kindness and compassion I was able to give to this loving, beautiful creature, with what I am able to give, made his short stay here a little brighter. And I hope, that when he reaches that rainbow bridge, maybe he'll wait for me there, and one day, I'll see him again, healthy, happy and full of the life that he deserves.


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## KC (Aug 11, 2004)

*DJ*

I am sure DJ will now be happy and healthy at the Rainbow Bridge. He will wait for you there as well as his mummy and little brothers and sisters.

You were very kind to look after these animals and make them your own.

It was not your fault what happened to DJ unfortunately it is nature and I am sure the mummy cat doesn't blame you either and still loves and trusts you for your kindness to her and her little babies.

Time will heel your pain but I am sure you will always remember DJ in your heart.

God will take good care of DJ for you.

Hope you feel better soon

Karen
XX


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## Civicchik96 (Apr 20, 2004)

Thank you for your kind and comforting words Karen. You'll never know how much they're appreciated.
God bless you and yours.

Summer


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## Civicchik96 (Apr 20, 2004)

Well, we found the little baby last night, needless to say it was hard. We can't get to him because of all of the woods and bushes in the way, and there's a pretty steep hill covered with brush leading up to him. That's also very heartbreaking for me, because I want so badly to at least bury him in a way that I feel he deserves. 
Though the memories of my time with him are few, they are very precious, indeed. 

Summer


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## MA (Mar 30, 2004)

I'm sorry to hear of DJ's tragic passing. How helpless you must have felt and please don't blame yourself. You are very kind hearted and caring person - an angel to those strays. And the cats and kittens you took care of know how wonderful you are even DJ. 

Bless you for taking care of the strays as your own. Continue showing your love and care to the cats you have now as a tribute to DJ. We all know how sad it feels when we lose our beloved pets but in time we all may get through it but we don't ever forget how much they meant to us.


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## BlueAnimal (May 23, 2003)

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Like you, I have grown attached to some of the poor homeless kitties that wander around here. Though I do not know the extent of your pain, I sympathize with you for we know that they were not 'just strays' etc. Please don't feel as if this is your fault because it's not. You provided them with food, shelter and love. That alone gave them much more than they had, or would have had without you. However hard it may be, just try and focus on the love and care you did your best to provide for them. Always remember they wouldn't have had that without you. Little DJ will always remain alive in your heart and in your memories. Take care and I hope you feel better soon. *hugs* 

A friendly ear, 
Randy


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

AS KC said, this was not your fault. It is the ways of nature, sometimes glorious, sometimes cruel. You gave that kitten love and security. I'm sure that kitten is in gentle, loving hands now, and equally sure that you will see that little one again. God bless you and ease your pain.


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## Civicchik96 (Apr 20, 2004)

Thank you everyone for your comfort and support. 
It's so very helpful and means so much. 
God bless you all, and again, a million thanks for your support.

Summer


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