# Lap Cats - Born or Made?



## Heather72754 (Nov 1, 2013)

When I say 'made', I guess I mean whether this can develop later as a cat comes to know you better. I just lost a 16 yr. old cat Oct. 5th who was a rescue, and he was a lover/lap cat/totally human oriented from day one.

My new cat is a rescue also (10 mo. old), and she is very affectionate when I go to her and pat her, she has a huge purr motor and rolls around on the floor like a dog. But she does not seek me out, nor does she seek out laps at all, or even sit next to me on a couch. She will sleep in bed with me, but sleeps right at the very bottom and won't approach me even when I call her or pat the bed next to me. She stays upstairs all the time, even though my husband and I spend a significant amount of time downstairs in our finished basement.

I was really hoping she would be a lap cat, although she's a sweetie and will be accepted and loved for whoever she is. I guess the question is, have you had experience of cats who didn't show these tendencies in the beginning developing them later when they have more time to bond?


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## Catmamma (Apr 18, 2011)

Yes, I have had three cats--all female--run from me, be very skittish around me and only allow petting sometimes. With Sister I was very shocked the day I brought her home from the vets after she was spayed. She jumped on my lap and started purring and allowed all kinds of petting. She has continued to be very affectionate. MammaCat was very feral and took years before she would get on my lap. She will only do it if I am sitting on the steps. When MammaKitty was first dumped at our farm, she would run when she saw me coming. I certainly couldn't catch her to get her spayed and, of course, in due time she birthed five kittens. Shortly after she started staying around to be fed, then coming to me to be petted. Now, if I sit down she will hop on my lap for a petting session. Very affectionate. Of course, I talk to them a lot. And, I bring treats every so often. Try calling your cat for a treat. Not every time, but if you can get her to come when you call, she is one step closer to being a lap cat. Good luck.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

Hrm.... Im not sure, I got MowMOw as a 4 year old and he was already a Velcro cat... I can't be still for more than a few seconds or he'll want me to hold him.

Book came to me @ 5months old and he'd rather not be HELD but he always wants to lay right next to me.


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## ndiniz (Jun 29, 2009)

I guess some cats have their preferences. Nubey is a perfect example of a lap cat. He came up to me out of nowhere on the 4th or 5th day we had him, and I'm not sure what I was doing, or how it happened, but he saw me, looked at me, jumped in my lap, purred in my ear, and gave me a big nudge on the face, followed by a lot of kissing. He turned into a lap cat the moment he was interested in me. To have a cat get used to you in less than a whole week's time is something that's nothing short of incredible.


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## Kytkattin (Oct 18, 2013)

Midas is definitely more of a lap cat now than he used to be since he is indoors only and we have bonded a lot more. He is also older now too (ok, 3 isn't old, but he is certainly not a kitten anymore). Even if he isn't in a lap, he likes to be around me in the evening. Keeping him entertained during the day (his catio has a bird watching station, and he has multiple cat trees) means he is more inclined to seek me out in the evening I feel. He had a busy day adventuring and wants to snuggle down next to his people and dogs.

Also, sitting in a chair at the kitchen table often means he wants to sit on a lap. I am not sure if this is simply routine because he typically naps there and we happen to be in the way, or if he wants a lap (he will switch between my boyfriend's and my laps if we are there long enough even though there are 2 other unoccupied chairs). 

Consider maybe putting some grand cat tree in the room you spend the most time in? Maybe she doesn't feel like she has her own space downstairs. Cat shelves, a perch in a window (maybe not possible in a basement), or even just a few cat toys might be nice alternatives if a tree just doesn't fit your decor (though I am a very strong advocate for trees). And Catmamma is right, give an irresistible treat whenever she does come down. She might not be coming down for the right reasons at first, but maybe eventually it will just kind of be routine for her to come check out what you are doing.


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## howsefrau32 (Mar 6, 2013)

I have pondered this question so many times. I believe it depends on the cat. They either are or they are not, and no amount of encouraging it will make them lap cats. I was super bummed for the past 10 years, because neither of my cats were lap cats, my 10 year old female will sit next to you....in fact, she always wants to be near someone. And as she gets older, she has always been my husband's baby, and she will sit in his lap if he has a lap, she is in it. She adores him, but she only does this realyl to him, other than that, she is next to you. My next cat I took in as a stray, he loves to be picked up and loved on, but he will not sit in a lap, ever. The third one was a charm though! We took in Stephano almost a year ago, another stray who wandered into our lives and our heart. This little guy, I was going to foster him until I found him a home, until I found out what a major lap cat he was. I was like "YEAH"!!!! Jackpot!!!! I'm keeping this one!!! He sat on my lap for the first week we took him in and did not move, just purred and slept curled under my neck, I was in heaven! My daughter will be sitting on the ground and he will walk buy, and she will snag him and hug him and put him in her lap, as she is sitting indian style on the floor, and he will just stay there....he goes completely limp and just stays there, it is the cutest thing. I know it is crazy, because common sense would tell you that it hardly matters what kind or color cat you have, but this cat is a black cat, and I have met SO many black kitties that are the world's biggest snugglers. I don't know why that is, I'm just glad that I FINALLY got me a lap cat!!! Always wanted one and was always sad that no one would sit the heck in my lap, especially as much as I spoil those ungrateful little jerks


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## Heather72754 (Nov 1, 2013)

Well Mystique is all black so maybe she has potential. :smile: I will try the treats though for sure, to encourage her to stay around us more and maybe have it become a habit.

I actually do have a huge cat tree in my basement - it is actually a walk-out with lots of windows and is very bright, and my other cat Penny doesn't really use the tree much so I don't think Mystique would feel it was 'her' territory. It was Punky's favorite spot, my 16 yr. old velcro boy I lost a month ago. There is also a ledge all around the room in front of the windows that is perfect for a cat to perch and watch the outside world, the birds, and maybe a chipmunk or two running by.

When we got Penny from rescue as a 1-yr-old she was very sweet, like Mystique is, and liked pats and scratches, and would purr up a storm. She even immediately allowed us to pat and scratch her belly, which is unusual. However, she was very uncomfortable being picked up and her paws would go stiff and she would be looking for a way down right away. She pretty much kept to herself too unless we went to her, although she loved Punky and hung around him a lot too, and since he was always with us she was too part of the time.

We thought she would change in time, but she never has. She is 8 now and still doesn't like to be picked up or held, and she doesn't ever sit on our laps. She will sit next to us on a chair or couch for brief periods, but that's it. I guess I was seeing the same pattern in Mystique, but we've only had her close to 2 wks. so who knows?


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

I have found that over the years they can develop an affinity for a lap. Most of my cats either are or aren't. Maddie, on the other hand, was not a lap cat at all until about a year ago (she is 9 now - adopted at 3). She now seeks me out when I'm sitting and will crawl on my lap and nuzzle her nose into my arm and fall asleep like that. 

I think Mystique will come around as she matures.


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## howsefrau32 (Mar 6, 2013)

After reading what Marcia said, I have to agree, sometimes as they age, they do get more likely to want to curl into a lap, like my Beep. She has always loved my husband, but not necessarily been in his lap, just near him, but now, the last year especially, it's the lap every time. I think it's because she hates being cold, partly. And as it gets chillier, she is more likely to want someone to snuggle up to closer. She is really funny, she will get onto my daughter's chest and lay there if she is laying down flat, but she only does this to her really. On cold mornings sometimes, my husband will wake up and if he is sleeping on his side, she is laying on his hip, or his back or his chest, depending on how she is laying, she is there. I just left my room and she is curled up right next to his side right now. 

I can imagine how you must be missing having that velcro kitty to love, and you are still heartbroken from losing him  

I have read before that sometimes if you get a cat when it is a kitten, and get used to handling it, even while it is still with it's mom and hasn't left her yet, that you have a better chance at having a cat that is going to be a snuggler and used to being held and handled. And from what i have observed, people who get kittens that are from a situation like that, where they have been held a lot, they do seem to be more likely to sit on your lap and be held. Somtimes I pick up my least snuggly kitty, my avatar picture, Taffy....he is actually really, really sweet, but not a lap cat at all, I pick him up though and kiss him and say "you will be snuggled and you will like it!"


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## emilyatl (Sep 9, 2013)

I really think they're born that way. I've fostered several litters of kittens and it's always about 50/50 on whether or not they're lap cats. I had one litter of 4 that I got at 4 weeks and 2 were the biggest snugglers ever and would dump into your lap the second you sat down, while the other 2 were more curious and just wanted to play all of the time and would squirm if you tried to hold them.


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## Lotu (Apr 26, 2013)

We have a black kitten (8 months) who has always been a lap cat to me especially, but seems scared of my husband and does not sit on his lap...but will sit on my daughter. She usually sleeps at my daughter's legs at night. My son doesn't really give her much of a chance to lap sit. Our brown mackerel tabby (her litter mate) is not as interested in sitting on laps...she will less often and on her own terms, but it never seems as long. The tabby adores my husband and seeks him out! She will climb up on him, but not really sit. It is like she is so excited and doesn't know what to do and then flops on him a bit.


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

howsefrau32 said:


> *She is really funny, she will get onto my daughter's chest and lay there if she is laying down flat, but she only does this to her really.*


Zipper will do this to my husband in bed. She is not necessarily a lap cat, but on occasion will crawl up for a few minutes - not often, but every night when we go to bed she will lay across his chest as he falls asleep. It's cute to see. :luv

Lacey never joins me in bed, but will lay on me if I'm laying on the couch. She eventually likes to move down to between my legs and snuggle tightly between my knees.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

Sort of a nature vs nurture question. Some are simply born that way. For others I would say it comes down to the person; I am pretty sure I'm the only one Blacky has ever chosen to take a nap on.

I also believe, like people, that cats can go through phases. It doesn't have to be anything major or abrupt, but changes in our perceptions of things are slowly happening daily. Something we thought 10 years ago was fantastic could on reflection be uninteresting today.

Some scenarios with cats and laps (besides being born and remaining that way): kittens are full of energy and need to mature to appreciate a lap snuggle, in old age they become more affectionate, with slowly built trust they become more interested in laps (can be like a year plus to get there), snuggly kitens can become aloof cats. Sometimes it just comes down to the season! Is it winter? You'll have a lap cat.


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## Yuki'sMum (Dec 3, 2012)

Lol I just started reading this thread and Yuki just climbed in my lap, kneaded me for a minute then lay down on me purring like crazy! I think she reads my mind sometimes lol. She was definitely born this way.  I love it


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## Heather72754 (Nov 1, 2013)

Aww, I'm jealous. :smile:

I wish I could foster, and possibly discover a lap-lover that way to add to the household (after all, what's one more cat lol?) but my husband and I both work full-time outside the home which pretty much makes fostering unrealistic. 



howsefrau32 said:


> I can imagine how you must be missing having that velcro kitty to love, and you are still heartbroken from losing him


^This...for sure...:sad And because of this, I am guarding against unrealistic expectations of my new girl. So whatever she will be, she will be loved. She has great characteristics already after all - she is calm, not destructive, respectful of Penny my older cat, sleeps all night on our bed without a peep out of her, uses her litter box as she should, eats whatever is put in front of her, and loves to be patted. What more could I want? Oh yeah - for my lap not to be lonely. :wink


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## NOLAKitties (May 30, 2013)

I think it's part made and part personality. Angelo was kinda a lap cat, but in the beginning he didn't want to stay that long on my lap and it's inconsistent. So I persuaded him with a blanket on my lap (more comfort) and his fave treats to get him jump onto my lap. Before long, it became a habit for him at certain time to come over and sit on my lap for hours. Sometime he sleeps on me in the middle of the night/early morning but he wakes me up all the time. He is about 15 lbs and he doesn't try to be gentle with it, plus the temperature rises 10 degrees. So I stopped trying to make him sleep with me in the bedroom. If he does i push him to the side. 

Our 9 lbs girl, Ponyo is not a big lap cat. I tried with treats, she took the treats and jumped away. Plus Angelo pretty much dominates my lap on the couch. But she loooves sleeping with me. I don't mind her snuggling around my shoulder because she is a light weight kitty, very gentle and a loud purr machine. Very sweet. In the beginning I picked her up when she was half asleep right before my bedtime. She stayed with me for maybe 5 mins, then the next few days it became 10 and longer and longer. Nowadays on some nights she climbs first and sleeps there ready for snuggles!


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## Lotu (Apr 26, 2013)

Heather-Have you asked a rescue about fostering? If it were an older cat, it probably wouldn't need the daily attention...especially once you knew it could get along with your cat(s). I guess others on here who are more experienced with cats and rescues/shelters would know better. I see the cats who are up for adoption here and think they could probably benefit from being in a home. There is a kitten that was born a few weeks after ours and is a black kitten and will soon be 8 months old. She reminds me of our black kitten, Delta, and that is where my Delta could be if we hadn't adopted her. I just think how sad it is that she has not had a home for so long. I think she is at the adoption center so she can be seen by potential adopters, but it is too bad she can't have a home while waiting. I could see a rescue allowing you to "check out" a cat with lap-sitting potential...maybe? I could see it being win-win...cat gets people experience and you have the potential of finding your soul-mate in cat form


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## snowy (Aug 23, 2012)

I will never know what its like to have a cuddly and a lap kitty,cos ET is neither, its fine with me, but he is such a SWEET boy with me. He just likes staying close to me, rest his head and paw on my feet, kisses my leg/feet, that's really good enough, I won't ask for more though from the experiences of some here, I am hopeful, one fine day, he may just decide to go on my lap, be it one year or eight years down the road. Even if he doesn't get to that, its ok too, he is already quite a SWEET boy.

So, I tend to believe a lap cat is born, though I believe they can be nurtured too.


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## Heather72754 (Nov 1, 2013)

Lotu, I'll have to think about checking into the fostering. It will also depend on how my older cat Penny adjusts to Mystique. So far she is not impressed lol - she won't let Mystique get too close without hissing, although she hasn't tried to chase or harm her so that is good. She spent all 7 yrs. that we have owned her with Punky, the 16 yr. old male we just lost last month, and she loved him dearly. She was really his cat rather than ours, as she is not so much of a people cat. I don't want to totally stress her out, but I do have hope she will adjust and possibly even enjoy having another companion one day. At that point we could look into the fostering.

Snowy, ET sounds like he loves you a lot. Cats do express their love differently, that's for sure.


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## Lotu (Apr 26, 2013)

Heather...you know what is best, just throwing it out there in case you hadn't considered it. Maybe Mystique will turn into a lap cat once things settle down w/ Penny.


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## Waterfaller10 (Oct 14, 2009)

My cat is 12 years old. He was never a lap cat until a year ago. It was very surprising to have him suddenly wanting up on my lap after all this time. Maybe it's because he's settling down more. He is an ex-feral I adopted as a kitten. He has always been skittish and won't let anyone but me near him.


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## Heather72754 (Nov 1, 2013)

Well I tried getting Mystique to take treats from my lap like some of you suggested, and earlier in the week the challenge was getting a treat she actually liked. I tried Wellness jerky type treats, and she was pretty uninterested. I tried Goodlife Catnip crunchy treats and she ate a couple then walked away.

But tonight I bought Simply Nourish Freeze Dried shrimp and she went nuts for them! So I put one on my lap and she stood up on me to get it. The next one I moved a little further over and then she put all 4 feet on me to get it. I gave her a few more while she was standing on me like that and then sealed the bag and put it behind me - and she laid down on my lap and put her head down on me and started purring like it was the most natural thing in the world!! I am so psyched! She didn't stay that way for long but boy was it a great start. :luv


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## NOLAKitties (May 30, 2013)

Yay! Progress!!! Awesome


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