# When do you feel responsible



## Janz (Mar 26, 2012)

When do you feel responsible for a cat outside? When you feed her? When you pet him? When you name her? When he follows you around? When you take her to the vet? At what point do you feel that you have taken on the responsibility of truly caring for the cat, emotionally and financially?


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

In my case, probably as soon as I see one
that obviously doesn't have a home!
The food, water, and a cat home made
from a rubber maid bin, then a live trap
to try and catch it...
I'm a pushover for furry little faces looking through the slider at me...sigh.


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## Janz (Mar 26, 2012)

Goodness, I wish this cat had appeared at your door. You wouldn't need a trap, just open the door or pick her up. She is very friendly. My neighbors found her first and are trying to find a home for her. One neighbor's brother might take her, another neighbor's niece might take her but nobody has. Nobody is looking for her, she is very sweet and wants to be somebody's pet. I saw her for the first time a couple of days ago and when I sat outside today she jumped up into my lap.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

There are virtually no feral/stray or outdoor cats of any sort around here that are visible otherwise I'd have a lot more cats!! Any I see with any sort of frequency I want to help. Meaning, Blacky and Jasper...

With Jasper is was a semi-effort, I was trying my best with him, but I didn't know if I was keeping him at first. He was so feral and we were just going to keep him in the garage over the winter and then go from there; I was considering falling back on the cat sanctuary if he didn't tame but things turned out differently.



Janz said:


> When do you feel responsible for a cat outside? When you feed her? When you pet him? When you name her? When he follows you around? When you take her to the vet? At what point do you feel that you have taken on the responsibility of truly caring for the cat, emotionally and financially?


To answer specific questions... I would feed the cat as soon as I saw it if it appeared hungry and if it would stick around long enough for me to grab some food (Jasper we fed three times outdoors before he got mistakenly trapped in the garage). I would pet a cat as soon as it would allow it... hah, you sure can't pet the unwilling! (or need oven mitts/rubber/leather gloves) ... on naming, that really depends. With Blacky she got her name because we weren't looking for a cat and weren't looking to name her. So we ended up with a very generic (as the best of terms) name. With Jasper a friend joked "don't call him Orangey", so I made sure to think of a name for him within a week of him being trapped in the garage. Vet would be easy for me if the cat was still outdoors/feral as the cat sanctuary/local shelter will pay for these cats if they need medical attention. For Jasper, since he wasn't really mine at the time, I paid 50 dollars to have him dewormed/neutered/FeLV and FIV tested/stitched up from a gash on his leg/given antibiotics and pain medication and the shelter covered the rest since they were just thankful I was willing to care for him.

Without the cat sanctuary/local shelter it might be a different story, but I think once I'm making a real effort to win a cat over, and once it makes some overtures back, that's all it takes.


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

After the experience I had years ago, I would feel responsible for it immediately - especially if it was obviously someone's pet as this one seems to be. I will never turn my back on a stray again. This was one of the most heartbreaking things that has ever happened to me and I still tear up over it. It haunts me almost 20 years later.

http://www.catforum.com/forum/56-feral-cats/160301-taking-stray.html


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Ah, she sounds like a darling little girl, poor baby... 
Where I used to live, seemed like a dumping site, it was just so sad...rescued a few from there and they went to a non kill shelter...
I hope she is spayed...
If she would have showed up here...
I'd of been a push over!


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## Janz (Mar 26, 2012)

Oh goodness, you are all making me feel so guilty. My neighbors were taking control but have very senior cats and aren't willing to take her. I spoke to one rescue group but they have so many cats they didn't want another. The SPCA has a two week waiting list and my neighbors put her on that list. The local SPCA is very close to no-kill and she is very adoptable so I think she would be okay there. Unfortunately she could be pregnant. I hate to make excuses but I have financial and cat reasons for not adopting her. I really, really want to help her. But I guess since I worry about her I am responsible. Any suggestions would be appreciated.


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

Maybe you can go to all those people that really want to "help" and ask for a donation for vet visit and food until you know for sure she is pregnant or not? I would not be above asking for help!! What are the options right now for her?


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Around here, there's a couple of places, that even if they're full up, If you explain your situation, can't keep cat, but you'd be willing to foster it until it could find a home, they very rarely say no and will help out with every thing...
Its just a thought....
And if she is preggers, that little girl is going to need some help....


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## Janz (Mar 26, 2012)

> What are the options right now for her?


The SPCA will take her immediately if she is pregnant. Otherwise it is a two week wait. My neighbors put her on the waiting list but I'm not sure when. Tomorrow I will talk to a guy at work who fosters dogs for a rescue group and see if they can take the cat. This weekend I tried to track down somebody from a rescue group that I know slightly. She is often at a pet store on the weekend trying to find homes for cats. Unfortunately I didn't see her. I can try and take her to a vet after work and then keep her in the garage until I find something better. But the garage can get very warm. Oddly I haven't seen her in a few hours. She was here when I got home. I went inside only long enough to get a fresh bowl of water and a little food and she was gone. She must have been getting attention at one of my neighbors. Here's her picture:


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Oh, She's a Torbi!! Pretty little girl!
Thank You! You are doing an awesome job trying to help her! Keep bugging people
for help whether its neighbors, friends, family or Shelters!
It really is important to find out if she is already pregnant. ..


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## spirite (Jul 31, 2012)

I went through stages of feeling responsible for Casper. 

My downstairs neighbors had already named him, so that wasn't part of the process for me. They were feeding him, but I was happy to take over. But I felt responsible for feeding him only.

Then it got chilly, and I felt responsible for keeping him as comfortable as possible. Set up a cardboard box with a cat cup, then got him a little house, then a heated pad. 

So maybe that was the turning point. That was a fair amount of money that I spent. 

I would have taken him to the vet immediately if he'd needed it, not really out of a sense of responsibility for him but just because I wouldn't be able to see an animal suffer. 

I guess I've wanted to believe that he wasn't my cat, just a stray, even though I'd accepted the responsibility for his well-being, because I can't let him indoors. 

I've finally thrown in the towel. He's not just my responsibility; he's my cat. I'm trying to figure out how to get him to move with me now. 

There's no reason to feel guilty if you can't take full responsibility for the kitty. You're doing everything you can to give her a home, which is more than a lot of people would do.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

I've never met a cat I didn't immediately love and want to help. This cat need to get to a vet to s/n right away. Can you do this for this cat? A cat which has been vetted looks much better to a rescue than one they have to put funds out for and cant be put on the adoption list right away to get a home. Most smaller rescues or people who rescue are short on funds compared to the amount of cats they are asked to take on. Make sure your ASPCA is no kill. Most aren't.

Can you take this cat in and let it live in a spare room or bathroom while you are waiting to get it vetted or into a shelter? If youre low on funds start asking friends if they want to help you help a cat. Most animal loving people I know are willing to help and like to feel they are a part of helping an animal. They will give funds! Be sure and be very thankful and up date these people on the cats progress and ask them to put out feelers for a good indoor home. its always more fun to do rescue with a group than alone!!! 

This cat was definitely dumped and knows it cant survive outside. It doesnt have the feral skills. keep us posted!


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## Iluvanimals (Jan 6, 2013)

I don't know if you could, but I know the pet store where I work will sometimes help out people trying to foster an animal. We have collection bins for 6 different rescues and if someone is trying to foster an animal but struggling financially, they will let them take some food and such from the bins. Just an idea.


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## Janz (Mar 26, 2012)

I took the day off from work today and took her to the vet. She tested negative for FeLV, FV and HW. She is pregnant with two kittens and the vet expects her to deliver them in a week or so. My neighbors helped pay the vet bill. We have called every rescue group we can find and have been told no or not been called back. I have one friend who is considering taking her - his granddaughter (around 10) really wants a kitten. He will call me back tonight and let me know if they will take the cat and two kittens (thank goodness there are only two). My neighbors have heard bad things about the SPCA - that they are no-kill because they ship unwanted animals to a kill shelter. I don't know if it's true but taking her to the SPCA is now a last resort. She is currently in my garage but that is not a long-term solution.


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Janz, You and your neighbors are...Awesome! 
That is good news that she looks healthy...
But due to have babies in around a week?
This little girl needs a place she can settle
Asap!
Keep talking to Everyone! It would only be for a couple months to take her in and let her have her babies (in a calm environment) and raise them to eight weeks...
You are doing a Wonderful Job!
Don't give up now!


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

I wish you luck getting her and them a home.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

do you have a pet pantry in your area? They give free food to struggling people. Also the food bank in our area take pet food donations. Even open bags.


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## bluemilk (Oct 3, 2005)

It's funny,I see the local cats as neighborhood characters. Sometimes,you see someone walking down the street you haven't seen in a while,and you get concerned-are they doing good,eating well,do they have a roof over their heads? Same thing with kittos. Are they hydrated? If it's cold,do they have a place to go so they won't freeze to death? 2 years ago,there were 2 strays that wouldn't have made it 1 night on the streets. I took them in,named them Zeke and Cody. I had a sick older cat at the time,so,it was tough.


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## Janz (Mar 26, 2012)

The SPCA called today and said they could take her today or tomorrow but if I don't take her tomorrow they will take her off their waiting list. I have one last person I'm waiting to call me back and my neighbors have one last option they are trying but then we are out of options and time. I hate to take her to the SPCA but she is very sweet and I hope they will adopt her out after the kittens are born. If I kept her I'd end up with five cats which is more than I can handle. I would have to shut her in the bedroom for many weeks and keep my two cats out every time the door was opened. My cats have gotten into fights because she was outside and I'm afraid it would be worse with her in the house. I don't think it would be a good situation for any of them. I feel terrible and will spend the rest of the evening sitting with her crying. None of the rescues we called (and there were a lot) ever called us back. The one that answered the phone would only "take her" if we agreed to foster her until they placed her. I just don't know what else we can do and it's not right to keep her in my dirty garage much longer.


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## Jetlaya67 (Sep 26, 2012)

Aww, such a pretty girl! I hope you find her a home soon. About your question, if a cat seems hungry around my house I feed it, that is how Franky adopted us. He is a outside stray cat that we take care of.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

Can you live with them killing her if she or her kittens don't get adopted in their time frame? I don't mean to be rude but why send her there if you've heard bad things about this shelter??? She would be better off being s/n and released and you feed her. Work on finding a home that way.


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## Janz (Mar 26, 2012)

> Can you live with them killing her if she or her kittens don't get adopted in their time frame? I don't mean to be rude but why send her there if you've heard bad things about this shelter??? She would be better off being s/n and released and you feed her. Work on finding a home that way.


Sorry, but I don't have a good place to keep a cat and two kittens for months. And then after all that time to just throw them out in the cold would be nearly impossible. I would love to help every unwanted pet but it just isn't realistic.

The good news is we found somebody who wants her. They don't want the kittens but a rescue group will take them when they are ready. She will be going to her new home this weekend.


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

Best of luck to you and the cats. You tried your best and found a place.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

Just making a point to never releasing a cat or kittens to a kill shelter. Esp now during kitten season. Every no kill rescue is pulling cats and esp mother with kittens from the kill animal care center as fast as we can find room for them and were all reaching our limits. They are killing mother with babies and seniors. Its heart wrenching.


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Janz, considering the suddeness, of this all happening to you...
I think you managed to pull a rabbit out of a hat!
Well done finding a home for mama cat! And its soooo good to know the kittens will be safe when the time comes...
I am sure you will sleep better knowing you didn't take them to the one place...
You've got a good heart, or you wouldn't haven't bothered trying in the first place.
Job Well Done!! :thumbup:


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## katdad (Jun 13, 2013)

I think a lot of it depends on several factors... 1) are you financially able to provide the extra care? 2) if the cat eventually becomes dependent on you, are you (and also your existing cats) ready to take in a new boarder?

We have to be quite careful, I think, unless we're lucky enough to be very well off and own a huge home with lots of room for other newcomer cats.

As a novelist who's also strongly dependent on my former engineering work's savings, the financial liquidity and space available for my (live-in) girlfriend and me is not large.

Also, my present cat, RJ, my buddy of 18+ years, is very possessive and has virtually zero experience with another cat.

Were we to adopt a stray (and we currently feed a few of these feral cats) we'd need to do the whole thing, catch the entire "family" in that the mother cat is close to her 2 small offspring, and although they are growing, to separate them would be cruel. So it would be 3 or nothing. That would mean capturing, taking them to the vet for worming and checkups and vaccinations, all that stuff, hundreds of bucks. And this is assuming that the cats would even adapt properly from a wide range of urban hideouts and ranging to a modest size apartment.

And then there's RJ. I think that to bring a new cat into the home would break his heart, at his age.

So I think that giving out some water and food is about all we can do. Sadly there are just too many feral cats due to the stupidity of unthinking cat owners who let their cats run wild without having been neutered. Much as we think fondly of these 3 little feral neighbors, we can't take them in.

Understand I'm not talking here about "collectors" -- those obsessive-compulsive mentally ill hoarders who fixate on having lots of cats, often to the detriment of the cats in the home, running in filth and poorly fed. I'm instead talking about sensible adoption, with proper shots and vet "vetting."

I wish it were otherwise but the real world is just that: real.


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## Blakeney Green (Jan 15, 2013)

It depends on the circumstances. 

One time I had a cat in my backyard that was obviously a housecat that was unused to being outside, and turned out to be deaf. I felt responsible for getting him home as soon as I found him cowering under my deck.

There are a lot of outdoor cats around here that are owned and cared for, though, so I don't generally feel responsible for outdoor cats that are just passing through unless they are in obvious poor condition, unfed or sick etc. If the cat didn't seem to be cared for, I would try to make sure it got care.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

Katdad Houston has many low cost spay/neuter clinics in your area. You also have many TNR groups that Im sure would be willing to help you considering the circumstances. We pay for s/n, vaccination and what ever needs to be done to a cat or cats if the person will do the trapping. Heck we even lend the trap. 

right now because of a grant there are free s/n vacc. so were driving several cats a week up to Tucson and agreed to work with people willing to trap as far down as the Mexican border town.

If your short on funds food bank and pet pantrys exist around the country to help people who want to keep their pets or feed the ferals. Our TNR group give people food we get from donations to help feed the colonies. We just need people who can watch over the colonies. We provide the rest.

there are always answers esp if your in a large metropolitan area. Houston is very active in TNR and Rescue. Best of luck with your out of door kitty family.


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## katdad (Jun 13, 2013)

Thanks so much for the advice, Mitts. My girlfriend and I know about neuter low cost centers and such and we've talked about it. It's still a fairly big undertaking for either of us, just the trapping would be a lot of work on our part, transporting the cats later.

The simple logistics are this: these feral cats only come out late night. They run if we're within 15 feet and approach water or food dishes warily. So trapping would be difficult and even if we did, what to do with that screaming fighting cat till the next day? To loose the cat perhaps in the bedroom, say, would mean fumigating the place later (my big old cat RJ is totally flea-free and our apartment is pest-free too. The logistics are difficult, as we've got 1 bedroom, 1 livingroom, 1 bath, period. And catching mamma cat and junior (or junior-ess) would be tricky too, as we'd feel obligated to take both.

We were better situated, such as owning a house w. a place to let the cat run free indoors for a day or so, that might be okay. But we just don't have the free space indoors to have a "holding pen" till the vet trip.

And then what? The adoption places are filled with cats even now, sadly.

What we can do is to put out food and water and provide good vibes as possible. That may be all we're able to do right now. Bringing another cat (or two) indoors simply isn't feasible due to my 18-yr old "RJ" being slow and old and not suited for a roommate, as you can understand.

But thanks so much for the info.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

If this cat is feral you cant adopt them back out but at least they wont be having kittens and marking and driven by their hormones, if you have them fixed! Make the appt the day before you trap at the low cost s/n clinic.Use a havaheart trap. Most TNR groups and rescues lend them out.

Put set trap out in that evening, covered except for the opening and baited with stinky food like Mackeral. Once the cat is in the trap *do not take it out.* Put it in a safe place till the morning. Garage or such. If it doesnt go in the trap low cost s/n clinics which work with strays and ferals are use to this. 

Just continue to feed this cat out of doors once it is s/n. That would make their life much easier.


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## katdad (Jun 13, 2013)

Thanks again for the good advice. I'll talk it over w. my girlfriend. No garage. The other problem is that we'd want to trap both momma and kiddo and don't know how this would be effected, as one would run crazy from the area if the other were trapped, possibly.

And honestly, we simply do not have a place to put the cage containing the cat. I've thought about it after your very helpful post and just cannot figure out the logistics. We'll continue to ponder and ask for advice from the vet, too, and humane society.

Again, much thanks!


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Closing the thread since the OP's issue has been resolved.


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## Janz (Mar 26, 2012)

*Update to When do you feel responsible*

I just wanted to post an update. The very sweet pregnant stray was picked up by her new family yesterday. Once we found somebody to adopt her a rescue group was willing to help. Technically we are signing her over to the rescue group and the family is fostering her. Once the kittens are old enough the rescue group will take them and put them up for adoption. They will also spay, vaccinate and microchip the cat and then the family will pay the $100 adoption fee to keep her. We are so happy about the outcome.

I was surprised how big she got during the six days in the garage. She went from a thin cat who didn't look pregnant to a round little cat.


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

She's so pretty. Glad to hear.


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