# am I being selfish?



## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

(Maybe this should have been my introduction post?)

I am on disability due to being Bipolar (with the emphasis on depression.)

Is it wrong (or selfish or whatever) of me to want to adopt 2 kittens to keep me company during the day when hubby is at work and I'm alone? Then I would have someone who NEEDS me to get up off my butt and FUNCTION. Someone who I could interact with, someone who I could think of besides JUST ME. I have been reading this forum like mad and asking questions so I will know what I am getting into and I KNOW from having pets before (tho never cats) that they are a COMMITMENT and the kittens WILL have a forever home with us. 

My psychiatrist, my therapist and my hubby all think this would be a good thing for me. (Personally, I think the kittens should qualify as a “service animal”.) 

In August when we move, we'll be moving to a cat-friendly apartment. Hubby is EXTREMELY supportive of me wanting/getting 2 kittens and is going to help me build a cat tree – I have to do the sisal wrapping and carpet attaching to the shelves and he'll put it all together (cuz he's a carpenter).

I feel like I am pregnant! I go between being so excited that I can barely stand it to feeling so overwhelmed that I don't know how I can stand that!

All of the pets I've had before were snap-decision/no planning events – I've had a dog, 3 rabbits and a 6' iguana in the last 22 yrs hubby + I have been together. I've never PLANNED on an adoption the way I am now and I am SO second guessing myself - I don't know if I am being selfish or what . . . 

Maybe I just needed to vent . . . thanks for "listening" . . . 

Bon.


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

Kittens are very sweet, and their antics are adorable...but they are a LOT of work. Two kittens is easier than one in some ways, but it's also double the paws to trim.

TBH I'd think a calmer and more relaxed adult cat might help more...but I'm a big fan of going to the shelter and letting the cat pick you. Adult cats have much harder times finding homes, adult bonded pairs even more so.


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## tezster (Jun 4, 2013)

As long as the added financial burden (i.e. cat food/litter/vet appointments) won't be a strain, then I say go for it!  You don't necessarily need to adopt kittens, a bonded pair of young adults i.e. ~2 years old could work as well. Good luck with your decision.


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## Heather72754 (Nov 1, 2013)

I don't think it is selfish as long as you are committed to the welfare of the cats and giving them a forever home, not just your own welfare. I think it is a win-win. :thumb


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

1) can you afford to properly care for the added kitten appetites?
2) can you properly provide attention, love, and playtime for the kittens?
3) can you provide them with a separate room for quarantine/slow introduction to the existing household?

If yes to all the above, go forth and kitten.....


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## cat face (Apr 4, 2013)

I think you're going to enjoy them tremendously. They'll drive you nuts, but you'll find yourself falling in love every minute.

Like you said, they will be very helpful in establishing a routine. (cats LOVE routines!)
I think the kittens would be perfect because they are so needy. They will keep you on your toes, so no time to mope around 

And just think, somewhere there are a couple of little kittens daydreaming about their forever home. What their new kitty mom will be like. Going to sleep each night hoping she will be someone like you.


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## Penny135 (Apr 6, 2011)

I am on total disability for Bipolar 1 and Complex PTSD. My psych and therapist both thought it would be a good idea to have a companion animal. My psych even wrought a script so that the apt. I lived in would take Mia. I have had her for 3 years now and she gives me a reason to get up and going in the mornings. I love her dearly and I know she does me too. I cant imagine life without her. She has helped me thru so much. Even a stroke and now my epilepsy. I think it would be great for you to have a cat. Just know that most apt. buildings will only let you have no more than one and usually only with a dr. prescription.

Mia was 7 weeks old when I got her. It was a lot of work but VERY rewarding too.


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## gurujad (Feb 21, 2014)

I salute you for your openness about your bipolar. 
Hope things would be better for you very soon. 

I totally recommend you to bring a cat... and to be precise: a Kitten. Having a very small pet in your hands will get you engaged fast with it in a very tired-up bond. And the bond would be reciprocal. The kitten will give you more love, affection, and feelings as in return it would expect attention, care, and dedicated time. 

Having a double will double everything... from the pleasurable moments to the painstaking hours. But I am sure they will keep you totally occupied. Just manage a routine-schedule for them and they follow it. 

I have lived 17 years alone in my apartment... when I first brought Blacky a few months ago, it was just a little black ball of fur. I watched him grew and change.. and the more I watch, the more I get in contact with him, and the more my love grows for him. His presence has changed many things in my life... and all are positive things. 

Go for it. Don't hesitate.


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## Stef (Mar 1, 2014)

I don't think your selfish at all....
As long as you keep up and make sure you are medicated or going to counselling to keep level, its definitely a part of therapy....
I fought real bad depression (suicidal) and a bit of ptsd (bad boyfriends) and cats got me loving life again....
So as long as you are able to take care of them if they are sick and right on top of your counselling sessions, it will definitely make your therapy very well rounded.
It helped me tremendously....
rcatrcat


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## Gwunky (Mar 25, 2014)

I agree. I suffer from chronic depression and is was feeling a bit lonely because my schedule at my new job meant that I was working on a different schedule than my boyfriend, so I got a cat and it has been wonderful. She definitely has motivated me to get up earlier and keep a routine. And it's wonderful coming home to a loving cat who greets me at the door rather than an empty home.


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

Are you unable to leave the house? If so cats would be great. If you are able to leave the house, I think a dog might be a better idea because it would force you to take him for walks; i.e., get outside more.

Otherwise, I think a couple of companion animals (or one active young adult that loves laps) would be great.


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## Wannabe Catlady (Aug 6, 2012)

Not selfish at all. Although, you might want to look into adopting an older pair. A kitten can be frustrating and overwhelming at times, and I personally couldn't imagine handling two at once. My boys are just over a year old and I'm still looking forward to the day when they calm down a bit. 


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

My sister is on SSI and is bipolar too. Her cats have been her constant companions. They are more flexible than dogs and will snuggle and interact with you. Right now I have two of her cats while she is moving and finding a new home in another state. She is missing her cats like crazy. 

She has taken fosters also. She isn't a very patient person so kitten would drive her crazy at times since they are into everything and require a lot more supervision. I think its just what you think your ready for. 

To me the cats we journey with in our lives are a wonderful gift. I think a cat would be a perfect addition to your challenges. 

I wish you lived near Tucson I have the perfect two cats for you! They are sisters who were just returned because their former owner has to move out of state and there was a limit on how many pets in their new housing. These girls are super super social and love being with people and sleeping with you but still love to play.

Good luck on finding your new companions. Im sure there is the perfect cat or cats or kittens out there for you who will enrich your life even more.


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## Jetlaya67 (Sep 26, 2012)

I think having two kittens would be wonderful for you.i ha depression and my cats are so wonderful. They keep me company and give me a reason to get up and do things that I may not have the energy or willingness to do. I say go for it. Two kittens are easier than one as they have a playmate. They will keep you entertained and give you unconditional love.


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

Kittens are definitely more work, and need supervision and more play time, but it's definitely worth it to watch them grow up and their personalities develop. 

As far as taking them outside with you, I take my two out for walkies in a pet stroller and they love the change of scene and smelling all the different scents in the air. It depends where you live... a very busy street with a lot of people or traffic will not likely enchant them, but a quieter neighborhood, with trees, or in a park I'm sure they will enjoy that better.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

If I was in your situation, I would consider a dog... dogs are great to make you get up, play with them, and most importantly, take them for walks.

Kittens are another option, but I would consider that plan B if you do not think you can handle the higher demands of a dog. (mind you, two kittens is a LOT of work)


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## Darkaine (Feb 18, 2014)

To echo what others say as long as you can provide it's not selfish at all. I do think some of the other folks might have a point about a dog but I can't imagine not having my kitty curling up in my lap when I get home.


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## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

I'd love to have a dog again but unfortunately, it's impossible to find an apartment or duplex that allows dogs, let alone one that has a fenced in yard . . . it was quite a chore to find a place that would allow *2* cats!

I want to get 2 male kittens from the same litter so they will already be bonded and they will have someone to talk to and to keep each other occupied (sometimes) and so they don't get TOO bored + so (hopefully) keep them out of SOME trouble . . . that's ON TOP of interactions with ME, NOT instead of! 

This theory worked very well when I had 2 rabbits that had the run of the house and I think it'll work good with kittens too. 

THANK YOU for all the support! 
Bon.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

Meh, up until my boys I was a hardcore dog person. Now, I'll stick with my cats.

Cats require attention, but not to the extent dogs do (in my opinion). Not to mention, I'll pass on having to scoop up warm dog poop by hand multiple times per day... BLECH

I was unemployed for almost 2 years and I went through a MAJOR depressive bout. MowMow was my reason for getting up every day. I FORCED me to get out of bed, feed him, and interact wiht him. Then he was happy to cuddle IN bed with me for hours on end until he required his next meal and more interactive play again.

My boys are wonderful. MowMow is my lovebug cuddler-companion (always wanting hugs and face kisses). He's always like, "You're the best mom ever, you give the greatest kisses. Kiss me on the face. Hey, kiss me on the face. More. You have to kiss me MORE and cradle me in your arms while I nap. Yes, perfect... but more kisses please."

Book is my comic relief and my quiet companion(doesn't want to be touched other than a few strokes. Just wants to sit next to me while I nap). He just wants to be near me all the time and share every awesome experience he has with me. Things like, "WOW, Check out this EPIC piece of yarn?! Have you SEEN THIS THING?! Look. Look! LOOKKK!!!!! Woah, wth? Don't TOUCH me, just look at my STRING!"


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## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

LOL! Yes, that is EXACTLY what I need!  I wish I didn't have to wait FIVE LONG MONTHS to adopt . . .  (we don't move until August)

Bon.


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## katdad (Jun 13, 2013)

I've given your post some considerable thought and wanted to take time in my reply...

I've had 2 close relatives who were bipolar and have known others with similar afflictions. Fact that you're on disability shows that your condition is fairly severe. Please don't be offended -- you volunteered this information yourself.

Okay, I agree with others here that maybe two kittens might not be the ideal situation. You've had other pets but cats are unique housepets, as all here can attest. They are very individualistic compared with dogs, for example. Rabbits are cuddly and nice but they don't have the brainpower that cats do, not to even mention the iguana. So for you, cats will be a new thing.

I recommend that you look for an older rescue cat (not necessarily very old but out of the kittenhood phase). My rescue cat "RJ" and I have been together almost 19 years now, and he was young but not a kitten when I got him. Why did I choose a slightly older cat? Because I worked fairly long hours (also singing opera evenings) and was living alone at the time, and kittens quite rightly need more attention than I could give them. But a young-but-not-kitten cat could generally see to his own affairs more easily.

And don't think that 2 cats will sort of take care of each other. Having 2 kittens would increase your need for involvement exponentially, believe me. (I may be wrong but I'm following my own experience here, as I've also adopted kittens).

My recommendation is to find a healthy rescue cat (and believe me, there are plenty of them). Idiots will get a cat, move to a new city, and simply dump the cat outside their door as they leave. Happens all the time and this means that there are lots of young-ish cats just aching for a home.

But kittens, particularly more than one, can be a handful and you might quite rightly feel "put upon" if they demand more than you're emotionally capable of giving (due to your disability).

However, a slightly older cat would likely be ideal.

Please let us know what happens and post pics as soon as you have adopted a fuzzy friend, okay? and thanks for sharing your feelings!


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## tezster (Jun 4, 2013)

I would also like to add, how much "work" and challenge either kittens and cats present to an individual is highly dependent on their state of mind in terms of how open and adaptable/flexible they are to change. Basically, if you go into it with an open mind, knowing that there will be an impact to your daily routine and prepare for it, then you should be fine. And this is true whether you have a diagnosed mental condition or if you're a "normal" person.

For example, an new cat owner who assumes that a cat will automatically adjust to its new surroundings, and thinks that all that's required to keep a healthy and happy cat is to provide a clean litterbox and food twice a day is in for a rude awakening. 

This isn't made to dissuade you of getting a cat - just think of it as a reality check


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

My sister is on SSI because she has fiber mialiga and lupus with her bi polar. That being said and been closely involved with my sister I have to say there is no more a devoted and loving cat person than my sister. Plus Ive pushed her limits with fosters. Plus... we have used her back screen porch for a holding area for recovering TNR cats till we could release them. She handled this all fine. 

does she have her bad days where she is sick and needs to go to bed. Yes but her kitties and fosters just climb in and keep her company. They have been a huge comfort and she has given them lots of personal attention. She has pitched in helping me with sick cats and washing cats with ringworm, etc etc. 

So just because a person is on SSI and bi polar doesnt mean they cant handle the challenges of cats or kittens. I do know she misses all my crazy adventures of rescue and all the happiness of each cat with adoptions and meeting people involved. 

Plus our poster has a willing supportive husband so I think this is a win win situation for deserving cats getting a fantastic home. there are two people who are wanting to provide a home for cats or kittens! My sister is single and has handled all this alone.


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## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

Thank you Mitts & Tess!


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## Blumpy710 (Feb 24, 2014)

Maybe go to a shelter and see if a bonded pair chooses you. Adult cats are wonderful to adopt.


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## lapkitty (Feb 25, 2014)

I don't think you're selfish at all. In fact, I think you're very brave to share so much of your personal story. Finding a companion is a very proactive action and I bet that a cat would be a great companion for you. Two cats would be twice the work though. In my search for a cat, I went to the pound and kind of let the cat choose me. I work from home so she keeps me company and I do the same for her. 
Whatever you end up doing, please update the forum.


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## Penny135 (Apr 6, 2011)

"So just because a person is on SSI and bi polar doesnt mean they cant handle the challenges of cats or kittens. " AMEN!


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## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

Thank you Penny135!


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## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

ps. did you know that both rabbits and iguanas "purr"?


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## gizmothecat (Jun 26, 2013)

i dont think it selfish.........but....i would recommend an older pair....brother and sisters. the petco near me always has a brother and sister pair.

it would be MUCH easier on you with an older pair of cats. you would still have to feed them and clean litter and play with them....but...they would be a little bit easier to deal with.

maybe like 3 or 4 years old? still plenty young...but out of the kitten stage. try searching on petfinder..you can put your location, and search for girls/boys, a particular breed, and age. thats where i found my gizmo :heart soon after i got marshall from petco

good luck


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## snowy (Aug 23, 2012)

What is important is family support and since your hubby and doctor supports, then just go ahead, you know you have somebody to fall back on when things gets too stressful. Someone had mentioned, let kitty adopt you. I suggest visiting a shelter a couple times, get yourself aquainted with the kitties there before deciding.


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## molldee (May 19, 2013)

I have fibromyalgia (a sleep and pain disorder), and my cats are my world. They motivate me to get up every morning and keep me company when I'm feeling down. I don't know how I'd be without them.


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## Catmamma (Apr 18, 2011)

Since you have until August, why don't you sign up to help out at a shelter? Just one or two days a week. Then, you can see if you want a little, little kitty or a slightly older one or a very old one. Personally, I wouldn't start with a teenage kitten.


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## TabbCatt (Mar 26, 2014)

Catmamma said:


> Since you have until August, why don't you sign up to help out at a shelter? Just one or two days a week. Then, you can see if you want a little, little kitty or a slightly older one or a very old one. Personally, I wouldn't start with a teenage kitten.


Yes, I concur with this suggestion! It will keep you somewhat occupied and you can study their behavior more in person, too. Plus you'd make connections with other people and other local feline organizations as well. They'll probably require a commitment of a couple of hours per visit per week, even after you adopt your kitties in August, though. On the flip side, this will encourage you to get out of the house and help other cats in need. Knowing you are helping other cats could brighten your mood, don't you think? Especially if you're not having a great day and your own kitties are driving you bonkers! 

Even if you don't volunteer at a shelter, I don't think you're being selfish. Let me tell you, from first hand experience... 
Before I adopted my two kittens (first time owning pets, btw), I spoke to several people who had cats and everyone commented they were relatively low maintainence and easy to care for. HA! After adoption day in October, I did not realize how much work it is! Yes, it's double everything! Double feeding, vet care, personalities to deal with, food and toy preferences, and definitely double scooping (many times it was triple or quadruple scooping days)! Despite my rants, though, I love both my kitties and would be devastated to be without them. So with all that said, your future kitties will make you give back everything you got! I think getting two is better in a way because if one isn't a cuddler, the other might be! Each will be different! :wink:

Hint: Before you adopt, get as much information about their health, background, and personalities! Getting young kittens may be cute but personalities are hard to determine at that age. Too young often means they don't know how to interact socially, and could lead to behavioral issues later.


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## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

If you were in my country, I'd say "what is there to lose?", since here if you don't adopt them they die in the streets. So there's no way it could be selfish. At the very least they'd be protected from the elements and eat every day. That's what I did when I doubted very much if I'd be a good pet owner - I gave a home to 4 cats that had nothing to lose by coming to live with me. But I've no idea about where you are. 

The volunteering idea above is awesome.


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## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

I think it would've been easier for me to raise this kitten with his litter mate. He didn't need so much play and attention when they were together. Unfortunately, I live by rent so I had to adopt one of them out.


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## Jiskefet (Apr 8, 2011)

I think volunteering at a shelter would be a great idea.
Not only will you be able to experience the love and pleasure of cats until you can adopt, but you will also know exactly what work and care is involved before you have to handle it by yourself.
And you will learn what personality and age you really bond with, and maybe you can even adopt one or two from this very shelter when the time comes....


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## Joe711 (Jan 4, 2013)

i would suggest 2 adult cats 

they will be more supportive and more affectionate and will cuddle with you more
and will also play at times...

kittens got so much energy and wont really cuddle as much cus of their kitten energy...they would rather play than lay with you in bed and be in your side...


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## Joe711 (Jan 4, 2013)

dogs aren't the only cats that go for walks......consider getting a bangal or savannah they are so dogs in a cat body ^_^

they can go for walks and are full of energy even when their adults ^_^


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## Bill the Cat Guy (Dec 25, 2013)

No, it's not wrong at all to want to get some kittens to keep you company. Kittens are a lot of fun. I suggest getting two. They'll play together and they'll be less likely to chew on things. 

They only downside with kittens is that it's hard to tell what their adult personality will be. They might not be that desirable as adults. They may not like being held. 

Since I do volunteer cat socialization at the local shelter I see a lot of absolutely wonderful adult cats on a regular basis. One thing I check with each cat I see is whether or not they like being held. I think most don't but some LOVE to be held. They'll rub noses with you. They'll rub faces with you. They'll lay in your lap. As much as I love kittens, I'd rather take some sweet adult cats instead.


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## Bill the Cat Guy (Dec 25, 2013)

And to comment on something else, it's not selfish to take care of your own needs. It's a good thing. That's why I make sure I get enough sleep and enough alone time. It's hard to take care of other people if you don't take care of yourself.


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## spirite (Jul 31, 2012)

Ok, first "selfish" gets a bad rap. 

A 17th-century French writer said that all actions are motivated by self-interest, and I completely agree. No good acts would ever be accomplished if we weren't selfish.

There's no such thing as a "selfless" act; we say "selfless" when there appears to be no concrete, tangible gain (like making money), but we do gain something out of every "selfless" act - pleasure in knowing we helped someone else, pride in the fact that we did a good deed, fulfillment of the need to impress, or of some other inner need...

I got my kitties for "selfish" reasons: they make ME, not my friends, family, or coworkers, happy. It gives me pleasure to be able to care for little furry beings that needed someone to take care of them. 

So...considered that way...is it "selfish" for you to want kitties for therapeutic reasons? Yes. But that's a good thing, because otherwise, there'd be two more homeless kitties in the world. You'll be giving a good home to two kitties who need a good home.  

Whatever age kitties you choose, there is no way that you can lose.


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## BrittyBear (Feb 4, 2014)

I say go for it~ I dont know what i'd do without my Mystery  he makes everything okay, and always gives me a reason to smile. He helps me feel better when i'm suffering my migraines or dizzy spells and cant get out of bed. I dont think its selfish at all ^_^ they gain just as much as you do- a loving forever home. I got Mystery and Shadow when they were 1 year old and they were pretty much already set into their personalities. I do know from experience with Ashes that kittens are sooo much harder to handle. Though with me it was a spontaneous thing, i had no planning whatsoever. My cousin moved in and didnt tell us he was bringing a kitten along. And he is just starting to mellow out, but is still really active. He isnt really a cuddler though. It seems like you've done research and already know a good deal on how kittens are harder to deal with, so i say adopt whatever cats call out to you ^_^ be it kittens or older cats. You'll know they're for you when you see them xD i cant wait till August so i can see pics of your new additions to the family 

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

Thank you EVERYONE for your input! I really appreciate it! 
The latest news is that we're now moving in June instead of August so hopefully will be adopting 2 kitties mid-June 

Bon.


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## Joe711 (Jan 4, 2013)

make sure you get 2 litter mates or 2 friends so they will already be bonded


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## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

Yes! That is the plan + for that reason 

Bon.


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## TabbCatt (Mar 26, 2014)

Wow Bon, that's exciting news! Maybe about a month from now! 
Hope you're doing well, all this prep work keeping you busy!
Please keep us posted about your two new arrivals!

(Love your new avatar, btw...do you plan to change it later?)


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## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

OMG - I HATE MOVING! Packing is going well - (finding the mousie was just hilarious!) - but there's SO much stuff that's gonna have to be "last minute" (like kitchen + bathroom stuff) ARG! Hubby says we're gonna be able to do it in one load which will be GREAT! Have grown son + 2 of hubby's friends to help so it SHOULD go smoothly . . . *paws crossed*

I am overwhelmed. Thinking about the GOOD things this move is going to mean helps ALOT. Having 2 kitties to keep me busy sounds WONDERFUL! (so does finally having a "real" bed!) I KNOW 2 kittens is gonna be WORK but I really believe it's going to be a GOOD thing! 

As for my avatar - hmmmmm - I may just leave it and put pix of the little ones in my signature cuz it can be a bit bigger pic than an avatar. Decisions, decisions . . . lol

Bon.


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## TabbCatt (Mar 26, 2014)

I love that avatar (did I already mention that previously? lol), so I vote for you to keep it! :thumb Adding a signature with your two new additions sounds like the icing on the cake! OMG I cannot wait, lol. :wink:


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## Bon (Mar 13, 2014)

IKR! I go between being totally psyched to being overwhelmed with the move and then I come here + read and get all caught up in "which food?" and "which litter/box?" and which toys, etc, etc and then I'm back to being psyched up again LOL

Bon. (+ temporary sig!)
:2kitties


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## TabbCatt (Mar 26, 2014)

Well I'm not sure but it sure sounds like you're addicted to the CF, lol. And if this place keeps you psyched and happy, all the better! I'm glad you're here, too! :smile:

Very cute temp sig!


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