# Gloria gets a friend? (Was Do cats get more affectionate?)



## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

Ok, I adopted my new 3-year old kitty (Gloria) from a shelter about 4 weeks ago. This shelter (San Diego) did not have available rooms to interact with the cat before bringing her home. I was able to interact with her for several minutes outside her cage. She was very affectionate, rubbing her head all over me while still in her (open) cage. I was able to hold her in my arms (cradled like a baby seemed to be her favorite position) for a fairly long time, with her purring away the whole time. She allowed me to hold her paws without complaint. Overall, very calm and relaxed. So, I adopted her, and took her to a vet for the free health care exam. Good report, was prescribed drontal for tapeworms. I arrived at the vets office about 30 minutes early, so they let me take her into the room, where we took her out of the carrier, and checked temp and weight. The tech left, and I played with her for about 20 minutes. She explored the room for awhile, then came and sat on my lap for at least 10 minutes.

So, I took her home. Opened the carrier, she jumped out and started exploring. She later jumped on the couch and laid on/next to my lap while I watched TV. Did not seem scared at all. I went upstairs, and she followed, exploring the upstairs now for a while. I went to bed, she followed, jumped on the bed, and slept next to me for a while.

Over the next week, she was very playfull, and affectionate occasionally coming over to me to get pet, or lay next to me on the couch or chair. Over the next weeks, she got less affectionate, except will still sleep next to me in bed, maybe for an hour, maybe for most of the night. She will almost never come when called, and during the day, will almost never come over to me to be pet, even if I'm on the floor near her. If I go to her, I can pet her, and she likes it, purring, and stretching, and showing me her belly, which she likes to be rubbed. She will not jump on the couch to lay nexto/on top of me now. She will bring me toys so I can play with her, she likes to play, jump on her cat tree, and usually, run around at high speed for a while at night. If she is a bit sleepy, I can trim her nails with no problem on all 4 paws. (Which I did quickly, after I realized how long and sharp they were.)

In other words, behaves like a normal cat, except not a real cuddle-cat, which is what I wanted. Other than that, she's a great cat. She's about 3, was already spayed when at the shelter. Very calm, and gentle. Has never bitten (except for a couple playful nips during play). No problems with eating or litter box, though is a bit picky about wet food, likes dry though. Now she rarely likes to be held, will start squirming in a few seconds, occasionally letting me hold for longer, if sleepy. I can try to hold her other times, and she squirms around trying to get out, but doesn't scratch or bite, even if I hold her longer than she would like. When she does cuddle with me, usually in bed, she likes to lick my arm. Unfortunately, she presses a bit hard, and it hurts, so I have to keep pushing her head away, or move my arms. She usually keeps trying for a minute or so. 

So, will she get more affectionate over time? Seems like it's going the other way. Seems like now that she's all moved in and not unsure of her surroundings, she doesn't need to be comforted by me. Problem is, I want a cat that will cuddle up with me on the couch, one that will occasionally come when called. I read so many stories here on this site of other cats, and keep wishing mine would be like that. . I've tried treats, with mixed results. She'd probably be a perfect cat for someone with a much busier lifestyle than mine, doesn't need a lot of attention.

Here's a pic:










Ok, I know this was kinda long, so thanks for reading if you made it this far. Any comments are welcomed.[/img]


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## spamlet (Mar 14, 2005)

Unfortunatley some cats are just not cuddle cats, just as some people are not affectionate people. I can't help feel that if you specificaly wanted a 'type' of cat, with a particular personality then you are probably not ready for the responsibility of having a pet, especially if you are considering taking her back to the shelter. Most people get cats to enhance their lives, but you must also consider enhancing the cats lives...you can't punish them for not giving you enough cuddles. In my opinion, you made a decision to take Gloria from the shelter in order to provide her with love, a home, and affection, and it would be incredibly selfish to take her back for the reasons you specified. 

It sounds like she is a perfectly normal cat who does love you...



> f I go to her, I can pet her, and she likes it, purring, and stretching, and showing me her belly, which she likes to be rubbed. She will not jump on the couch to lay nexto/on top of me now. She will bring me toys so I can play with her, she likes to play, jump on her cat tree, and usually, run around at high speed for a while at night. If she is a bit sleepy, I can trim her nails with no problem on all 4 paws.


...and it sounds like you are extremley lucky to have her. 

Maybe if you love her regardless and shows this to her without getting grumpy and frustrtated at her when she doesn't sit on your lap, she will learn to love you and WANT to be affectionate back...you must earn your cats trust, it is not just there regardless. Continue to play with her and pay her attention and one day she may just behave as you want her to. If not you should learn to love the other things about her that will bring you as much happiness as affection would. 

Please don't punish your cat for those reasons...in my opinion it is just not justified. Good luck with her, she sounds adorable.


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## Vanessatx (May 12, 2005)

*thats a beautiful cat!*

You never know why she's not being cuddly, especialy coming from a shelter you dont know what the cat has been thru. Give the kitty some time, she might come along, maybe she was taught not to jump on people. You never know.
Enjoy whatever your cats personality, she'll always seem to surprise you. :wink:


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## Queenie (Mar 8, 2005)

I think that you cat sounds adoreable. I dont know whether you know much about our feline friends, but simply getting a "cuddling cat" sounds a bit mad to me, and if you dont mind me saying, a little selfish on your part. 

Your cat has months and months of development ahead in a new home, and trading it in for one that satisfies all your needs... well... work it out yourself.


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

*Re: thats a beautiful cat!*



Vanessatx said:


> You never know why she's not being cuddly, especialy coming from a shelter you dont know what the cat has been thru. Give the kitty some time, she might come along, maybe she was taught not to jump on people. You never know.
> Enjoy whatever your cats personality, she'll always seem to surprise you. :wink:


Thanks for your reply, nice to get one that doesn't call me selfish. I've had her for 5 weeks as of this thursday, and she has gotten less affectionate during that time. Last night, she was in the bed for 30 minutes, at most. Sometimes she jumps on the bed, walks across the pillows on to the nightstand, and jumps to the floor, and does this several times. Other times, she gets kinda crazed, and goes flying across the room, chasing something non-existant.

Other things she likes are prying open cabinet doors and walking inside. I had to tape the door under the kitchen sink shut so she wouldn't get to the cleaners/chemicals down there. There's another cabinet door by the stove she likes to crawl in. Inside the cabinet, there's a wood panel covering a space between 2 cabinets, she crawled over the panel and sat in the space for quite a while. I can't reach into that area to get her out, just had to wait for her to try to claw her way out of there. She finally did. I taped that one shut also. 

I picked her up this morning, started squirming to get down after about 1 second.

When she walks by me, and I pet her, she arches her back downwards as she walks by, as if she doesn't want to be pet.

She likes playing with a crumpled-up piece of foil, sometimes will bring it back to me after I throw it. Also likes twist-ties, the ring from a milk jug, and her feather on a stick. When she's not playing, she's either looking out the window or sleeping, or just walking around. 

She got outside for a few minutes a couple days ago, I had the patio door open, and the screen closed, which I've done a lot over the past 5 weeks. This time, she actively tried to get out, and she figured out she could squeeze between the glass door and the screen door, then walk towards the center of the door and get out. (Clip holding screen to track was broken, now fixed.) I let her walk around outside for a while, there's no risk of getting hit by a car, though there are at least 3 other cats out there. She crawled under a neighbors deck before I could catch her. After she came out, I picked her up and took her inside, with her squirming all the way. She tried to get out after that a few times, but just got herself squished between the screen door and glass door, and to squirm her way back inside.

I'll give her some more time, but it looks like she's progressing backwards to me. 

I'm not the most experinced cat owner, but I've read a lot on this and other sites over the past couple months, and I had another cat 20 years ago that I really loved. She would knead me, sit on my lap for hours, and drool when she was happy, which was a lot of the time. (A friend had 3 cats, I took one when he moved to a place that wouln't let him have cats. 2-3 years later, he took her back cause I moved to a place that wouldn't allow cats and he had moved to a house. I only saw her once more after that, unfortunately.)

As for the comments about wanting a specific type of cat, isn't that why the good shelters/resuces put you and the cat together for a while to see if it's a good match? I'm not asking for her to be on me all the time, but somehwere between almost never and and all the time would be nice, and to be a little affectionate when I get home would be nice too.


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## spamlet (Mar 14, 2005)

> I'll give her some more time, but it looks like she's progressing backwards to me.


Maybe you are just pushing too hard and she doesn't feel like she can relax? I don't feel like I called you selfish, I feel like I offered you sound advice. I just don't believe that your reasons for wanting to take her back are justified. And as for seeing whether you are a good match, it seems that the only thing stopping you both progressing is your high expectations of how she should act. I am not condeming you for wanting a cuddle cat, who doesn't, I am mearly suggesting that you allow your cat to relax; as Vanessatx pointed out you don't know what previous owners have put her through, she may have been punished precisely for wanting too much attention.

I feel that when you pick a cat from a shelter you have a duty to that cat. I could understand if she was badly behaved, but she isn't, she just doesn't live up to your expectations.


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## Adrienne (Jan 15, 2005)

The situation you described is very common with shelter animals. Many times shelter animals are starved for attention so they will be very loving and cuddly at the shelter. The kitties at our shelter get plenty of attention, but that is no substitue for a loving home. Once they get home and are comfortabel and in a loving enviroment they are not so starved for attention. 

When you get animals for a shelter is a luck of the draw. It is very hard to tell their personalties when they are in a shelter enviroment. There are many times we tell potential adopters that the animal is best in a single cat home or they do not get along w/ dogs, but find out later when they get to then new home this is not true. 

I can't understand wanting to take an animal back to a shelter after you adopted them especially after she has been a part of my life for a month. This could be a never ending process in hopes of finding the "perfect" cat. The next cat you may get could be even less cuddly or have behaviour problems. Gloria sounds like a doll and definatley looks like one. You sound like you have found a great cat.


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## Vanessatx (May 12, 2005)

I remember when I was younger I tried to get our cat to sleep with me and be cuddly and all that, my mom wouldn't even try and the cat would love being around her. Maybe if you push it too much you might not get the results you want, from what I see she's really playful so thats a way to keep you entertained, as cats get older they start to not want to play as much and start being more cuddly.
I think you should accept the personality of your cat Im sure she loves you very much even though she doesn't show it how you would like, you can't expect a person to act how you want even less a cat. She brings toys to you so you will play with her, she needs you very much and it would be very sad if you turn her down and send her back to a shelter. Think if you where in her situation and your getting used to your new home and then suddenly you are in a shelter again, there is no way to make a cat understand that it was because she wouldn't cuddle. Poor thing just doesn't know any better. 
Try loving her without expecting specific reactions back. Give her treats when she's laying close to you while you pet her, show her how good it is to be loved. 8)


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## SammyO (Nov 27, 2004)

I am not going to bash you or call you selfish. I think that has been done enough.  I do think you could possibly be pushing the cat too much and that is why she is backing off and I am sure part of it is to do with the cat starting to feel at home and feeling less needy. I have 3 cats, none of them are predictably affectionate, each has their own quirks about how they like to be handled. I have always treated my cats with the respect that if they don't want to be touched or picked up I won't force it. My husband does the opposite. At this point they follow me, sleep with me, want to play with me ONLY. They really don't have much interest in my husband at all or any tolerance for him. It's pretty obvious why.

All my babies are rescue cats and have been with us for 3 to 6 months. I believe as time goes by they will become more affectionate as long as it's on their terms not mine. Give it some time, it could takes months, it could take years but really, for a rescue cat you are doing very well! Most aren't as affectionate as Gloria.

Gloria is very beautiful, congratulations on such a nice find!


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## spamlet (Mar 14, 2005)

> I am not going to bash you or call you selfish. I think that has been done enough


I don't think anyone has done this at all. I don't want Mark to feel like he is being ganged up on or 'bashed', people have offered him advice. Admittedly some of it has been emotive, but if it wasn't I'd be worried that people were just going to ignore the fact that he is considering giving this cat up for the wrong reasons. NewRagDoll was right, if it's not benifiting the cat being ther then maybe it would be best, but it is only not benifiting her because she isn't being allowed time to relax and feel comfortable in her new home. Surely it's the cats best interest that should be the most imprtant here, not how much love the owner wants to recieve from her.


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## SammyO (Nov 27, 2004)

spamlet said:


> I don't think anyone has done this at all. I don't want Mark to feel like he is being ganged up on or 'bashed',


Well I am sorry but calling him selfish and telling him to give the cat up and not get another is judging someone unfairly. There are more diplomatic ways of dealing with what you don't agree with. He might have been hasty in saying he wanted to give her up, we don't know that. I always give someone the benefit of the doubt especially when it's forum related and things can come across wrong. He did adopt an older cat that came from a shelter who needed a muchly deserved home and he is here right? that is my books is a good start. He admits he doesn't have much experience with cats and that is why he is here, so we can help and hopefully try to change his point of view on the situation to see Gloria as the doll she is, not convince him that he doesn't deserve her.


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## lilysong (Apr 4, 2005)

If you've only had her four weeks, you have NO idea how she's going to end up. Relax!  Give her more time. Then see what happens.

I got my three girls from a friend, whose kids weren't particularly kind to them. The eldest is 2-3 years, her eldest daughter is 1-2 years, and her baby is about 9mo. The baby was the quickest to warm up, and she occasionally curls up in our laps.

The elder sister took more than a month to let us approach her. Now, two months later, she follows me everywhere and sits beside me on the couch at all times. She WILL NOT allow me to hold her, however. (I did convince her to walk across my lap tonight. That was a big step!) I'm very proud of her, considering the fact that it took nearly two weeks to catch her in their house, as she was so terrified of being touched.

But Mommy. Oh, dearest Mommy. Don't call her; she'll call you. She doesn't tolerate being approached, and she won't come when called. Sometimes, she'll take the initiative, but it's an even guess as to whether or not she'll stay after sniffing you. Typically not. Once in a great while, she'll share the couch with me. Oddly enough, she's the only one who always comes to sleep with me, whether I'm napping or it's night time.

They all have their quirks, and they are who they are. When I try to approach Mommy, she hides and won't come out for a looong time. When I call the kitten, she turns up her tail at me. When I try to pick up big sister, she panicks. But they're all affectionate in their own ways, and they'll all continue to warm up to me, in their own time.

Lisa


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

I edited my original message to remove the comments about taking her back to the shelter. I was a bit frustrated with her when I wrote it, so it may have come across more harshly than intended. 

I do think calling a poster selfish is a bit tasteless, but it's not the first time I've seen similar comments on this and other cat sites. (And pretty much all internet forums) Even if I had opted to take her back to the shelter, that's a lot better for her than what so many others might do if they were unhappy with her. 

Some more info I didn't put in the original post was there was another cat (Natalie) in a cage near Gloria, who was also considered affectionate by the staff at the shelter, and let me hold her for several minutes. She was a black & white. She was also a big cat, had to be near 20#. I think the smaller ones like Gloria are cuter, so ultimately that's why I picked Gloria. And the shelter staff said she was calm even when a couple of young kids were playing with her a day or so earlier.

I mostly ignored gloria today, and she slept for a big part of it. While I was cleaning off the coffee table, and talking on the phone, she came over to investigate. She spent a few minutes on the couch near me, purring away while playing with a cable and I was petting her. 

She came back to the couch when I was eating dinner there. Amazing what Salmon will do to lure a reluctant cat. 

I'll just take it one day at a time with her. Meanwhile, here's a movie.:
http://members.cox.net/markz2003/gloria.avi

I had turned on the furnace fan to see if she would be freaked out by it when I start using the heat in November. (The bathroom with her litterbox is right across the hall.) She seems to think the doorstop is connected to the furnace.


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

NewRagdoll said:


> Give it time....then make your decision.
> 
> Have you owned a cat before? If so, don't expect any two to ever be the same. We love our current two kittens, Mandi and Marli....but oh how we miss Chrissy. She was with us 13 1/2 years and so deeply ingrained in our family. We've only had the kittens a short time and are still in the early stages of building our relationships.


Yes, I have owned a cat before - 20 years ago. (I wrote that in my 2nd post) I only had her 2-3 years, and really loved her.


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## spamlet (Mar 14, 2005)

> Well I am sorry but calling him selfish and telling him to give the cat up and not get another is judging someone unfairly. There are more diplomatic ways of dealing with what you don't agree with. He might have been hasty in saying he wanted to give her up, we don't know that. I always give someone the benefit of the doubt especially when it's forum related and things can come across wrong. He did adopt an older cat that came from a shelter who needed a muchly deserved home and he is here right? that is my books is a good start. He admits he doesn't have much experience with cats and that is why he is here, so we can help and hopefully try to change his point of view on the situation to see Gloria as the doll she is, not convince him that he doesn't deserve her.


Well that was never my intention, I can assure you. Re-reading my posts I can see how the advice I gave may have been lost because they were so emotive. I did not tell Mark to take her back and not get another one, and I never tried to convince him that he didn't deserve her; only that he was very lucky to have her. I just felt that it was important that I stressed to Mark how many other options there were, and also that he gave her time to settle down.




> I edited my original message to remove the comments about taking her back to the shelter. I was a bit frustrated with her when I wrote it, so it may have come across more harshly than intended.


I too was just frustrated when I wrote my first few posts, and probably came across quite harsh. I am sorry Mark if I offended you, that was never my intention. I truly hope that it all works out for you both, regardless of how it is the problem is eventually solved. 
I just think of all the people I know who have picked cats from the shelter, and had terrible behavioural problems with them, but perceivered and now have beautiful pets. That was my frustration. 
Good luck, all the best.


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## kitkat (Sep 22, 2003)

She's so cute playing in the video, reminds me of Twinkie. 

Just give it some time first. Some cats are cuddlers, some aren't. I have one of each and even the non cuddler (Twinkie) will sometimes randomly come and lie on my stomach in bed or headbutt me on the sofa....when he does choose to cuddle it's nonstop cuddling and purring and it's a bit more special b/c he doesn't do it all the time. 

With Sugar, she got more cuddlier as she got older, she's almost 3 soon.....I say give it time. I don't think I could personally give back a cat after I take it in, I get attached pretty quickly. 

Also maybe wear jeans when sitting on the sofa, my cats love jeans! Have snacks ready to give and if she's still not a cuddler months down the line, you can always get more cats later on to extend the cat family.


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## Vequi's Daddy (Oct 25, 2004)

Markz2k: Unlike other posters here, I'm not going to flame you for being frustrated with your cat. I think you are not being selfish but rather realistic. 

(rant) This kind of flaming is what is making me move away from the Cat Forum. (/rant)

People don't seem to get the concept that we didn't go to a shelter to adopt a child, we adopted an ANIMAL to make him/her OUR PET. Since you are the one investing time, money, energy AND SLEEP because of your pet, it is more than normal that you expect something in return. This is no selfish attitude at all from any realistic point of view.

Now with this said, I can tell you, to please be patient. Your story is so similar to mine with Vequi, and Gloria's pic reminds me of Vequi as well. Your new cat needs time to adjust to her location, and to trust you. Keep playing with her, but don't pressure her into being more affectionate, because it will revert back. With some patience from your part, you may be surprised one day with a more affectionate Gloria, or you will get used to her and accept her the way she is.

Now if after you have tried for a year or so, if you still don't think Gloria is enhancing your life as much as you expect, try to avoid taking her back to the shelter. Older animals are harder to adopt, and they may kill her to make room for new cats, if they find the shelter with constrained space. Instead, try to find her a home with someone that will really care, and probably with a busier lifestyle that doesn't require as much attention from their pet.


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## SammyO (Nov 27, 2004)

spamlet said:


> Well that was never my intention, I can assure you. Re-reading my posts I can see how the advice I gave may have been lost because they were so emotive. I did not tell Mark to take her back and not get another one, and I never tried to convince him that he didn't deserve her


I wasn't specifically targeting you..sorry if it came across that way. 

Hey Mark, ever considered having two :lol: You may just get all you want and more, I sure do! :wink:


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## cmlund1968 (May 18, 2005)

*cat behavior*

I found Maximus on the town one day when he was 4 or 5 mos. old and took him home with me after not finding his home. This was my first cat ever. I knew nothing about them. I've had him 5 yrs now and have learned so much. Cats are not like dogs. They just have to do their own thing. Sleep when they want to, play when they want to, etc., etc. Max has gotten more cuddly as he aged, but he's still feisty. As a matter of fact, just this morning at 6:30 while still in bed, my cat was cuddled up next to me under the arm, then decided to flip over to face me. I moved away a few inches, sensing that something was up, when he lunged at my arm. Now I have 4 really nice and red teeth scratches on my inner arm. Good ones too. He was very quick, talk about wide awake all of a sudden.
And you can't punish them, it's useless. That's how I found this forum. I would still like to know why cats will do this all of a sudden. Maybe he thinks I'm in HIS territory. 

Anyway, I found a really useful book called the 'Idiots Guide to Cats.' It's not long or boring reading, just alot of helpful tips in short and to the point segments. It was very helpful to me and interesting too. I think your cat sounds great so good luck with her!


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## Vanessatx (May 12, 2005)

From your last reply with the video it seems that youre started to get used to her and you took your time to video her....I think you're gonna be just fine with Gloria . She is such a cute cat. Good luck!!!!!


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

Vequi's Daddy said:


> People don't seem to get the concept that we didn't go to a shelter to adopt a child, we adopted an ANIMAL to make him/her OUR PET. Since you are the one investing time, money, energy AND SLEEP because of your pet, it is more than normal that you expect something in return. This is no selfish attitude at all from any realistic point of view.


I agree completely; I didn't want to say that in my post, but I also think that I deserve to get something beneficial out of owning a cat, considering the long-term commitment and expense involved. I also think it's better for the cat if the owner is truly happy with her. I'm not saying I'm unhappy, just that I wish she'd be more affectionate.



> Now with this said, I can tell you, to please be patient. Your story is so similar to mine with Vequi, and Gloria's pic reminds me of Vequi as well. Your new cat needs time to adjust to her location, and to trust you. Keep playing with her, but don't pressure her into being more affectionate, because it will revert back. With some patience from your part, you may be surprised one day with a more affectionate Gloria, or you will get used to her and accept her the way she is.


I'm trying to be patient, but as I've mentioned before, this is a situation where Gloria was fairly affectionate in the beginning, and has become less so over time. If she gets any more comfortable, she'll ignore me completely except for food and litter-box maintenance. Last night she slept on the bed for around 30 minutes, the first week or 2 it was most of the night. I'll still give her more time, but a year seems a bit excessive. 

She is still playful when she wants to be. I was on the floor in the bedroom lightly petting her when the phone rang. While I was talking she kinda playfully grabbed my foot/leg and nibbled at my foot. (I was wearing socks and sweat pants) She did that several times. If I hadn't trimmed her claws, that would have hurt. I don't want to encourage her to do that, but if I stop her, she'll probably ignore me even more.

I was out for most of the morning, when I got back she was in her cat tree, same place as when I left. Didn't pay any attention to me coming home, or when I took lunch (chicken) to the living room to eat. She sometimes comes and begs for food a little (one of the few times she'll jump on the couch) Not today, not even interested in chicken. I also got a small rawhide bone from petco, I saw here somewhere that it's good for them to chew on. Not interested.

I don't know, maybe I'll look into getting her a playmate. But I've got to find one to adopt for free, or close to it; and the next one must like to cuddle. I don't want to pay to feed 2 cats to ignore me.


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## Adrienne (Jan 15, 2005)

Vequi's Daddy said:


> People don't seem to get the concept that we didn't go to a shelter to adopt a child, we adopted an ANIMAL to make him/her OUR PET. Since you are the one investing time, money, energy AND SLEEP because of your pet, it is more than normal that you expect something in return. This is no selfish attitude at all from any realistic point of view.


I understand that thinking completely. If I pay for something then I expect to get what I want, but unfortunately with animals that is not the case. It is so hard to predict what their personalities will be like when you get them home.

We just adopted out a kitten of my boyfriends. At his house the kitten was the mellowest of the 5. He liked to just sit back and chill. Watch his brothers and sisters play, but never took part in it. They were all running around like crazies and he would just chill out in the beanbag. I would call him an old man. When we named him we tried to think of an “old man name”. I got a call from his new mom today and she said he is a wild boy. They can't get him to sit down. He just wants to run and play and be a normal kitten. Which in the 9 weeks that my bf’s family had him we never saw him like this.


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## CTCat (Feb 19, 2004)

Hmm... I don't know, I'm kind of afraid to post now because I don't want to tick anyone off LOL.
I'm one of those people that accepts an animal just the way it is. I find when I don't expect anything in return and I give lots of love, patience and a safe environment... when I am shown that I am loved, I appreciate it soooooo much more. Cats love us in so many different ways. Your new cat sounds remarkable and I think she deserves more time. Cats are so affected when they moved from place to place. They become very confused, sometimes sad, and sometimes untrusting. She might seem independent now but maybe she is just feeling happy and secure for the first time in her life and just wants to rule her roost? This is because of you!! Look deep within your heart before you decide to give up on her


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## spamlet (Mar 14, 2005)

> She sometimes comes and begs for food a little (one of the few times she'll jump on the couch) Not today, not even interested in chicken. I also got a small rawhide bone from petco, I saw here somewhere that it's good for them to chew on. Not interested.



Mark, I really do understand your frustration; you're doing everything you can to make her feel comfortable and she just doesn't seem interested. 

However, I get the feeling that now that you have identified that she seems to be growing more distant each day, you are actively looking for signs in her to show that that is true. Yesterday I spent my last £4 till next week on my cats food, even though there was hardly any food in the house for me (been a rough month!) and when I put it down they turned their noses up at me and left it. I was so angry and upset with them, but what can I do? They don't understand concepts such as money or time, but I think that when you get a cat you sign an unwritten contract with them saying you will feed them regardless and leave them alone when they are sleeping!! 

You are probably now looked upon by your cat a her daddy, she plays with you and does come and sit with you...I'm not sure I understand what else it is you want from her. I know that when my moody cat comes and sits as close to me as she can I get the warmest feeling inside, because that's her way of telling me she loves me; and for me that is enough. 

I think you have to make a decision; are you prepared to be patient, go along with things on her terms for a while, and see whether you grow to love her for the way she is? Because I think that if there is a doubt in your mind and you can't imagine that happening, it would probably be best to give her back before she gets comfortable and grows to love her new home, because to be taken away then, would possibly do your kitty more harm than good. 

Good luck Mark


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

spamlet said:


> You are probably now looked upon by your cat a her daddy, she plays with you and does come and sit with you...I'm not sure I understand what else it is you want from her. I know that when my moody cat comes and sits as close to me as she can I get the warmest feeling inside, because that's her way of telling me she loves me; and for me that is enough.
> 
> Good luck Mark


The act of coming over to me, and sitting with me is all I'm looking for out of her. (That and coming when I call on occasion) That's what I'm not getting. 

I have now had her for 5 weeks as of today, I doubt I could return her to the shelter for another even if I wanted to. At this point, all I can do is give her time, and possibly think about adopting another who IS affectionate. Since it's obvious I have no way of knowing how a cat at a shelter will behave once brought home, I'll have to find one without using a shelter, or at least one where I can learn his/her past history.

As for spending the last of your $$ on cat food, I can understand, I've been there too. When I had my other cat 20 years ago, things were very tight, I bought the generic dry food, and ran out once or twice for a day or so. While money isn't that tight today, I do still have to be pretty careful. I just hope she stays very healthy, a large vet bill would be a big problem right now.


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## spamlet (Mar 14, 2005)

Good luck with it all Mark, I would be interested to know how you get on with your cat(s!) so keep us updated. I am sorry if I came across as nasty at some points in my posts, I hope you understand that it wasn't intentional? Good luck, I hope she comes around.


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## Vanessatx (May 12, 2005)

There are plenty of vet clinics, particularly cat clinics that have cats for adoption. I went to one here in Houston and they had a book full of pictures and description of their personalities, I was gonna get one that day but when I was going back home I found a kitty that followed me home so I took him instead. His name was Nyko, I miss him very much...anyway I thought that was a good option for adopting a cat. Good luck!!


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## CTCat (Feb 19, 2004)

I had a cat, Yank was his name, for 6 years before out of the blue he become lovable and affectionate to me. Before that he was very aloof and avoided me. Unfortunately I lost him 4 years later to heart disease. Just because your kitty isn't affectionate like you want her to be now doesn't mean she won't be later.


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## Lisalee (Apr 5, 2005)

I just wanted to say Gloria is adorable! I certainly wouldn't return her to the shelter but I would agree that adopting another cat from the shelter or else where is probably a good thing to do. That way Goria will have a playmate and you will have hopefully one affecionate cat too, if that's what your looking for, and believe me there are plenty of affecionate cats out there needing good homes. I think Gloria surely has other wonderful qualities that you will soon see and love about her. I hope everything works out!


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## CTCat (Feb 19, 2004)

Lisalee said:


> I just wanted to say Gloria is adorable! I certainly wouldn't return her to the shelter but I would agree that adopting another cat from the shelter or else where is probably a good thing to do. That way Goria will have a playmate and you will have hopefully one affecionate cat too,


I agree! After watching Gloria bat at the door stopper in a bored fashion, I think she needs a playmate to wrestle with. :lol:


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

CTCat said:


> Lisalee said:
> 
> 
> > I just wanted to say Gloria is adorable! I certainly wouldn't return her to the shelter but I would agree that adopting another cat from the shelter or else where is probably a good thing to do. That way Goria will have a playmate and you will have hopefully one affecionate cat too,
> ...


Not bored, just touching it gingerly, she thought it was connected to the furnace fan being turned on.  The grate by the doorstop is the air inlet. 

I went to a local vets office today, they had 3 cats that I guess people had left behind that were available for adoption. (At no cost) One, named smokie was a 3-year old male, bit bigger than Gloria. (We weighed him, 13.5#, Gloria's a bit over 9#.) Hard to tell if he'd be a lap cat or not, spent all the time rubbing against me as he walked by. Does not like being touched on the belly at all, nipped the tech when she did it. A little touchy about his paws being held. He's a short hair, but was shedding quite a bit, I'd be worried that he won't like being brushed if he doesn't like belly rubs. Looked kind of similar to Gloria, except all grey.

I'll keep looking. I looked on recycler, people are giving away kittens left & right. I don't think I'm ready to take care of a kitten, and I'm not too sure how gloria would feel about it either. She's pretty active herself (we played with her new cat dancer today for at least 30 minutes, and she was flying through the air. ) so I suspect she'd be ok with a kitten, but I'm not too sure I want one. 

Meanwhile, I discovered if I lock her in the bedroom with me at night, she seems to like sleeoing next to me. Too many distractions if I leave the door open, I guess. Had to put a litterbox in the bedroom, just in case. I hope she doesn't use that one when the door is open, I don't want to clean out 2 of them.

She was napping on a chair downstairs, and I picked her up, and put her in my lap while I sat in the same chair, she stayed there for 5+ minutes. Didn't go back to sleep though.


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## Opuss (Jun 1, 2005)

I understand your frustration. However, cats are cats - free spirited souls.

Secondly, the cat must have been through a lot as you got her from a shelter.

My sister got a stray cat; she already had 3 lovely Burmese cats who would never leave you alone. When you picked them up from your lap, they came straight back. The stray cat, however, just hid for most of the time. However, when she got settled in after some 2 years, she was the most affectionate cat you could ever imagine. Couldn't stop wanting to be petted and purred like crazy. Patience.

It seems as if the cat may have got bored. There is an article perhaps you should read about having ONE cat! Moderator, I don't know if you will allow it but it is a good article by a renowned cat breeder and judge at shows. You can always delete it: 

http://www.typha-typhast.co.uk/burmese_article2.htm

Hope this gives you confidence. PS. I have a friend who got a female cat from a shelter and took them over 2 years to get her to be a bit more sociable and cuddly. Just cause you want them to be a certain way doesn't mean they will be!

YOU HAVE TO EARN THE CAT'S RESPECT AND LOVE AND TRUST!


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## Vanessatx (May 12, 2005)

*Cute cute*

That was such a cute story. I only have one kitty and want a second one really bad  where I live they dont even want me to keep this one....and my boyfriend doesn't want me to get another one because he says I give the cat more attention and with two there will be no time for him. When I move out I'm gonna sneek another one in 8) .


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

Well, Gloria is still about the same. Hasn't gotten any more (or less) interested in lap time. I can pick her up and hold her, but usually for no more than around 10-30 seconds before she tries to leave. 

So, I'm checking into a companion for her, and a lap-cat for me.  So far, found 2 that might work out. Ones an all-black medium hair, with bushy tail, other's a Himalayan. Both are in homes who need to adopt them out. (Not shelter cats) Haven't met either in person yet, but will this weekend. I like black cats; that's the one I'm hoping will be a good match. Himalayans are supposed to be quite sweet and docile, but they're kind of high-mainitenance from what I've been reading. Plus they tend to be large cats, and I prefer the smaller ones like Gloria. (9 pounds)


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## seashell (Dec 5, 2003)

*Affectionate*

Just a quick point about picking up your cat. Have you tried holding her in different ways? When we first had Jimmy, he wouldn't tolerate being picked up and held.
Then, by accident, we discovered that he quite likes to be held facing *away* from you, so he can see what's going on. And he likes it if you walk about with him at the same time, so he can look at the world from a different angle! We had always tried holding him facing towards us.
Also, he much prefers Partner holding him to me  
I think this is because Partner holds him more firmly, so he feels more secure.
So.. try holding Gloria away from you, and quite firmly (but without sqashing!). 

Jimmy's not a cuddly cat, but we feel sure he loves us all the same! He likes to be in the same room as us, and he always runs up to greet us when we come home. Also, he likes to bite us (gently), which we take as a sign of affection :? 

Good luck with Gloria


seashell


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

*Re: Affectionate*



seashell said:


> Just a quick point about picking up your cat. Have you tried holding her in different ways? When we first had Jimmy, he wouldn't tolerate being picked up and held.
> Then, by accident, we discovered that he quite likes to be held facing *away* from you, so he can see what's going on. And he likes it if you walk about with him at the same time, so he can look at the world from a different angle! We had always tried holding him facing towards us.
> Also, he much prefers Partner holding him to me
> I think this is because Partner holds him more firmly, so he feels more secure.
> ...


Yeah, I've tried a few positions. At the shelter, and for the first week or 2 at home, she liked being held cradled like a baby. I could hold her like that for quite a long time; she even fell asleep in my arms a few times like that. 

Well, the 2 cats I was looking at adopting fell through - the owner of the Himalayan decided he couldn't part with her after all. The owner of the black cat that I wanted more gave her to a friend of hers, because they expressed an interest after she offered the cat to me. (But before we had a chance to meet)


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

Update - Gloria gets a roommate. (Maybe) (Warning, REALLY long)

I answered an ad in the recycler, a couple had to give away their cat because the guy was allergic to him. (The cat was owned by the woman for about 2 years) I went to their house to meet the cat. They allow him to go in and out as he wants. He never goes past the pool area right in front of their door. He was very friendly, came to her when she called his name (Sebastian), and plopped on his side/back for belly rubs. He was friendly with me too, I pet him for awhile, and gave him a belly rub too. He did nip at me once, and she said he occasionally gives her "love bites" too. She had given him a bath that morning, she does that 2-4 times a year, and says he doesn't fight her at all, seems to enjoy it. I have the vet records, he got neutered, and vaccinated for Feline Leukemia Booster, Rabies booster and FVRCP booster on 8/20 & 8/21/03. I called the clinic, no record of a FeLV/FIV test being done. They don't seem to think he's at risk of testing positive.

So, we pet him a bit more, and talk. I decide to take him, but I can return him if he doesn't get along with Gloria. I had a cardboard carrier that I used to bring Gloria home from the shelter, she put him in that, and I loaded him up, along with some toys, food (pure junk - friskies canned, and unknown cheapo dry)litter, his litter box, and the remaining tubes of Advantage.

After being in the car about 5 minutes, he chews/claws his way through the carrier, and hops out! (The owner said he loved riding in cars, and she didn't use a carrier except when going to the vet) So, he's roaming around the car, happily looking out the windows. Comes to my lap and sits for a while, with me holding him in the front so he doesn't try to climb down the floor by my feet)

He was on my lap when we got home, and I pulled in to the garage, and opened the car door. I had planned to carry him in through the front door and upstairs so gloria wouldn't see him. He decided he wanted out NOW. (Ouch, needs his nails trimmed badly) He's on the garage floor, the door is still open, so I close it. He doesn't run out. I leave him in the garage, go inside, and carry Gloria up to my bedroom. (With her squirming all the way, as usual) Go back to the garage, let him in and explore the downstairs for a minute or 2. Then pick him up (he likes to be cradled on his back, baby style)

Take him to the 2nd bedroom, set up his food, water, and litter box, and close the door. Open the door to my bedroom to let Gloria out. She goes to the door of the other bedroom, and sniffs. I send her downstairs, and go in with the new cat. He explores a little, I pet him a little. At some point, gloria came up to the (closed) door. It's a double door, so there's some space between the 2 doors, and they see each other. Of course there's hissing, and growling. He growls and hisses, I've never heard gloria growl. Gloria leaves, I'm still in the room with him. I pet him a bit after he seems calm, and I think I heard a growl out of him, not sure. Soon, I get bit on the arm, (left visible marks) and he hisses and growls. I leave. I tried laying out a towel with catnip, he wasn't interesed. I put him on the towel (this was before the bite), he seemed unhappy.

Go downstairs, Gloria is fine with me. Play with her for a while. Go back up later, don't see him anywhere. Screen is still in the window, so he didn't excape. Found him hiding in the corner under the computer desk. I call him , he ignores me. I leave. 

Go back a couple more times, still hiding. On 2nd or 3rd try he comes out when he sees me. Seems a bit more calm, rubs against me. I pet him some more. Tried to lightly touch his paw, seemed uneasy with it, but let me. Touched his back paw just barely, tried to bite, but I was already pulled away. I think there was a growl or hiss in there somewhere,too. I left. 

Came back later, he came out, rubbed against me, I pet him, not touching feet or anything. Just light strokes and scratches. He starts purring. I think I stroked him all the way down his tail (which is kinda short) and he tried to nip again. He almost got me, but not quite. Later, I tried to lightly pet him with a washcloth to get his scent on it. I'm able to lightly pet him a couple times, then he growls a bit, so I stop instantly, and leave. Take the washcloth downstairs and toss it near gloria, she doesn't react one way or the other to it.

I think I went in 1 or 2 more times after giving him cool down time, and he was mostly ok, but I was very cautious around him. I tried giving him some of his canned food somewhere in this, he ignored, I left it up there for a few hours. (Gloria ate hers outside the door with no complaint.) They saw each other again somewhere around this, and I just heard growling, think it was only from him, gloria was quiet. Not sure, though.

One thing I notice, I've never seen a cat who drank this much water. Never touched the dry or canned food. Seems like he took a drink every 30 minutes or so. Guess he knows cheap dry food and no water could give him CRF. 

Went to bed with gloria, she slept with me most of the night. I'm thinking this 2nd cat may not work out.

Got up early, got gloria downstairs, and went in. Came up to me, rubbed against me, let me pet him. Stroked the tail, no complaint. Didn't really try to touch the paws again. Picked him up and put him on my lap, stayed there for a while. I got up and lay on the couch, feel something wet on my shirt. Weird, the pillow on the couch is wet. Did that little (Bleep) pee on my pillow? It didn't really smell too bad, and shining a black light on it didn't show anything obvious, but there was no other explanation. The litter box was dry, the pillow was wet, and he drinks a LOT of water. He peed mostly water, I guess. 

Fine, he's not welcome in the house anymore. I put gloria in my bedroom, move the car out of the garage, and let him out to go downstais. I get him in the garage, and close the door. Came back with his litter box, food and water. Gave him some more canned food, he ignored it, I left it. Still drinking frequently, gave him a bigger water bowl.

Went in and out a few more times, he seems about as friendly as when he was at his owners house. I can pet him, including the tail. He rubs against me, and purrs. I picked him up and put him on my lap, he stayed for several minutes, purring, and got down. I'm walking in socks, and feel moisture on the floor by the washer. Nope, the washer didn't leak, the cat did! Again! Fairly near his box. Box was still dry. I pick him up and put him in the box entrance. (Covered box) He comes out immediately. I put him back in - he stays and pees a bit, and comes out. (No covering)

He eats his canned food somewhere around here too. I feed gloria by the door, she eats no complaints. I open the door enough so they can see each other. Gloria hisses, I think he hissed and growled, I was on the inside and was hard to hear over glorias hissing. They seem to be ok with each others scent, they just freak if they see each other.

I leave the house for a while. (Gotta use these vacation days or lose 'em)

Came back, went to garage and pet him some, after he rubbed and butted me. He went to drink some water, then I saw him use his box. He came over to me a bit later, rubbing my legs, and jumping partway up to the chair i'm in. I put him in my lap, he stays there for a few minutes and gets down. Still haven't really tried to hold/touch his paws since last night, maybe a very light tap once or twice since then. 

At one point later today, I had started to pick him up a little, and he made this sound, started as a meow, and dropped in pitch to a low growl. That's my cue to stop touching him and leave.

So, I'm debating whether this is going to work out. Not even considering whether the 2 of them will get along, just not sure I can deal with a cat that could bite me while I'm petting him not paying attention, or that has already shown signs of inappropriate urination. Maybe it's the stress of new environment and unknown other cat. The owner said he used his box when indoors, but usually went outdoors, and there's a cat door he could use anytime. I also noticed there was no carpet in their living room, just bare concrete floor. I didn't ask, but the thought of the cat ruining the carpet certainly crossed my mind. Seems kind of weird that a cat that will allow, and even like, getting a bath would be so touchy about his paws. It might just be me, and he'd be fine with his previous owner doing it. She talked about clipping his nails a bit, don't know if she ever actually did it or not.

Well, another long ramble, if anyone thinks this should be a new thread, let me know and I'll start one. (If you make it down this far ) It may not be clear, but I generally didn't pet him when entering his room unless he came to me and rubbed or butted against me.

Here's a pic; hard to tell from here, but he's kinda wide sideways, but short in height and length, with a weirdly short tail. I'm a bad daddy, but I think Gloria is better looking.  (He's just over 2, vet records show birthdate of 4/15/03)


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## spamlet (Mar 14, 2005)

Mark, I managed to read your post. Please don't be so hasty. From the sounds of it you have had this cat for a couple of days. He has been taken from his owners and his home and is probably scared, uneasy and anxious. Think about how Gloria was when you first got her, and by the sounds of it she has improved and you have both grown quite fond of each other. You cannot expect to get a cat and for them to just ease right in to their new surroundings so quickly, especially when there is another cat in his new house. 

Your new cat is going to pee where he shouldn't if he is nervous, that shouldn't mean he is unwelcome in your home, especially as I'm presuming you read up and researched thoroughly the complications of introductions and new cats before you even contemplated getting a second cat? 

It seems to me, on both accounts, with Gloria and now new cat, that your expectations of them are quite unfair and unrealistic. I was accused of being quite nasty to you in the previous posts (and I apologised!), but from what you've just posted in your update, I cannot figure out what the real problem is here? 

Please, as you did with Gloria, persevere, research the possible problems and solutions, and give the new man as much time and attention as Gloria needed. The real difficult problem is of the two cats being introduced and getting on well....not his inappropriate toilet behaviour, or his occasional nipping probably due to fear. 

Good luck, please keep us posted.


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## Vanessatx (May 12, 2005)

*Be more patient*

He's cute though, he still lokks like a kitty. I think he'll be fine if you just give him a little more time. 8)


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

spamlet said:


> Your new cat is going to pee where he shouldn't if he is nervous, that shouldn't mean he is unwelcome in your home, especially as I'm presuming you read up and researched thoroughly the complications of introductions and new cats before you even contemplated getting a second cat?


Yes, I did research, and print a new cat intro guide. That's why I made comments about rubbing one with a washcloth lightly to give to the other. They both seem to have no problem with the others scent. I pet each one, when I pet the other, they sniff me quite a bit, noticing the others scent. (gloria especially) But there is no obvious negative reaction. I don't know about your home, but in mine a cat that has peed on furniture is not welcome inside again until I'm reasonably sure he won't do it again. Aside from the instance in the garage, he has used his box several times since then, and hasn't peed on the floor. It's not like being in a garage is that big of a deal, he spent much of his day outside anyway.



> It seems to me, on both accounts, with Gloria and now new cat, that your expectations of them are quite unfair and unrealistic. I was accused of being quite nasty to you in the previous posts (and I apologised!), but from what you've just posted in your update, I cannot figure out what the real problem is here?


Expecting not to get bit, and for him to use his box everytime (unless ill with a UTI) is expecting too much? Not in my book. I'm not expecting anything out of Gloria, just hoping she will accept him and like being around him. I never said I wasn't willing to give it time, I am.



> Please, as you did with Gloria, persevere, research the possible problems and solutions, and give the new man as much time and attention as Gloria needed. The real difficult problem is of the two cats being introduced and getting on well....not his inappropriate toilet behaviour, or his occasional nipping probably due to fear.


I never said I wasn't going to give it time, just that I had to consider whether I'll be able to keep him. It's not like he'd go to a shelter if I couldn't keep him, his owners love him too, and will take him back if I can't keep him. Ultimately, it's Gloria's call. She gets run of the house, and if she won't accept him, I either have to keep him as an outside cat, or give him back.I realize it will take time, but I'm not waiting a year like i've heard others have had to do. 

He seems to have calmed down a bit, last night I went into the garage, and he rubbed/butted me. I picked him up, and he started purring. I sat in a chair, and he lay on my lap and arm and purred happily for at least 30 minutes, maybe more, while I pet and scratched him. I touched his paws several times, and his tail, no complaint. After about 30 minutes, I had lightly touched his paw again, and he did this kind of slightly louder exhale, not a hiss, then a bit of a growl. I figure that means he's had enough, and start to stand up. He starts to fall out of my lap, but his claw is still in my shirt, takes him a second or 2 to decide to let go. 

If he's had enough, then he should just jump down on his own, don't growl at me. 

This morning I fed them both on either side of the door, with the door open enough to see each other. They both ate cautiously, but no hissing/growling anything like that. He tried to come inside a little, I let him take a step or 2 inside. Gloria looks at him, then her food, then him, then cautiously goes back to eating. Then she looks up and hisses, he hisses, growls, and more, so I start to close the door to push him back into the garage. Gloria finishes her food, he doesn't. (Still hasn't 3 hours later)

We'll try it again tonight when I feed them again.


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

We seem to be making progress. Gloria was hanging out by the door to the garage, sniffing, and looking like she wanted to go into the garage, where she knows very well Sebastian is. I open the door a bit, and she looks around a little, then pulls the door open further with her paw. He's sitting about 6-8 feet away, in front of the dryer. (Along the same wall as the door) I have a large towel handy, just in case. (See, spamlet, I did read the guides!  )

She slowly walks in to the garage, and lays down on some carpet by the door to the house. She has a direct view of him 6-8' away. She just lays there, so does he. Then he stands up slowly, stretches, and slowly starts to walk toward her. I have the towel ready. When he's around 3-4' away, Gloria hisses. (Women!) He stops, and slowly backs up, and goes back to his spot by the dryer. He didn't make any sound. He's trying to be friends with her. Gloria sits there awhile, then gets up and walks slowly around the garage, staying away from him. (Walks towards the garage door, then along the door to the other side, then slowly towards the house, on the side he's on. Walks by his water/food bowl, sniffs at the water bowl a little. Keeps walking, gets within a couple feet of him, and he lets out this fairly loud and long meow that falls in pitch, not really a growl, but close (Must've been a howl?). She kinda stops, and stares for a while.

We've been in the garage for nearly an hour, and I'm tired of standing out there holding a towel. I give them a couple more minutes, then pick up Gloria and bring her inside. I might try again later, or probably wait till tomorrow, depends on if Gloria wants to go out there again.

So, are we close to them being friends? They do seem to be progressing pretty quick, I brought him home Sunday afternoon. How will I know when I don't have to stand guard over them?

Any comments/suggestions are welcome.


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## charliesmom (Jun 8, 2005)

It sounds like you are getting closer! I have a male cat (Charlie), and we brought in a girl kitten (Chloe), and they did not like each other for awhile. There was a lot of angry noises I never thought cats could make, and once they started being in the same room, a lot of fur flying. The new kitten spent a lot of time under my bed, and she peed where she wasn't supposed to. They do that when threatened and scared. Eventually, they started approaching each other, and sniffing (again more howling), more fighting, and a lot of stress on my part. I got to the point too where I wanted to send Chloe back to her foster home, but I persevered. They started "missing" each other when they were locked into separate rooms. Eventually they started to get closer and that then led to some baths and eventually a mutual respect for each other. Chloe knew what she could and couldn't do in Charlies territory, and that was that. They still had the odd "tiff", but eventually they were pals (I would say that took about 2 months.) 

Anyway, keep going. They will probably become best friends, if not they will tolerate each other.

Good Luck, and keep us updated.


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

Wow 2 months of dealing with this? Uggh! 

Anyway, I figured I'd be nice to the new cat, and let him in the house for a little while. I locked Gloria in my bedroom, and let him in downstairs. He walked around a little. He went into a corner where I have a fake potted tree, and sat there. I suspected he was peeing, and I walked over to him, he let out the semi-loud meow that dropped in pitch, meaning don't touch me. He got up, walked away, and yep he peed there. He was in the house no more than 3-5 minutes. (and there's a litter box in the bathroom downstairs.) He was using his box in the garage, Gloria was nowhere around. (And she has never peed inappropriately in all this) I called the owner and told them to come pick him up. They can't come till Friday, so he gets to spend the rest of the time in the garage. I may take him over to his house myself, and leave him outside, where he used to stay all the time anyway. (The owner was fine with that.) He ruined the carrier I had, so I'd have to take him in the car without a carrier, which he likes anyway. Then I'm worried he'll pee in the car, or nip me.

Sorry, that's my limit. If that's what I have to go through to get a second cat, Gloria's gonna be an only child. I simply can't afford carpet repairing bills right now. I'm just not that dedicated a cat owner. If Gloria had developed a problem after I've had her this long, that would be different, but I'm not really attached to this guy yet.

Edit to add:
So, quite a while after I write the above, I go into the garage to give him some attention. I pick him up, and put him in my lap. He starts purring, and I pet him for a while. After around 30 minutes, my leg is starting to fall asleep, so I start to pick him up and he actually growls and hisses at me, so I just kinda toss him on the ground. This cat must have been taken away from his mother too early, he's got very bad manners. Too bad, he can be so sweet when he wants to be, he just doesn't want to be all that often.

If Gloria would just lay in my lap like he does for even 5 minutes a day, I'd be thrilled. Oh, well.


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## MissVicky (Jun 12, 2005)

Perhaps you are loving her too much. Really, imagine having someone constantly following you around and rubbing your back and never leaving you alone. It would get annoying after a while, right? So maybe your cat just wants some time alone. I think that if you start leaving her alone more often, she'll come to you when she wants cuddle time, and that will eliminate unpleasant experiences with her squirming out of your arms.


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## Markz2k (May 13, 2005)

MissVicky said:


> Perhaps you are loving her too much. Really, imagine having someone constantly following you around and rubbing your back and never leaving you alone. It would get annoying after a while, right? So maybe your cat just wants some time alone. I think that if you start leaving her alone more often, she'll come to you when she wants cuddle time, and that will eliminate unpleasant experiences with her squirming out of your arms.


Naah, she gets lots of alone time. If I start to pet her and she walks away, I leave her alone for a while. She is getting a touch more affectionate; she slept with me on the couch for a few minutes or so yesterday. Still squirms when I hold her though. The first week I could hold her for 5+ minutes with no complaint.

She needed her fur trimmed around her butt area; if I couldn't have held her for several minutes, i might never have been able to get that done. Hmm, maybe that's why I can't hold her anymore, she associates it with a haircut.


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