# Arriving at a sad time



## Anne Arbor (Aug 6, 2010)

Hello, fellow cat-lovers, 

I have sought out this forum today in the hope of a few kind words in my sadness. Today is the third day that I have awakened without my sweet Hannah in my world. She died this past Tuesday evening, and I am still heartbroken. She was well up in years, but it does not matter - I still want her back with me. 

Hannah had a complicated story in that she was a feral who lived on the farm that I moved to three years ago. The woman who had fed her all her life moved away and I was left as Hannah's sole caretaker. It pained me to see how she suffered during our cold upstate NY winters. I fed her good food a couple of times a day. I bought a shelter for her but she never used it, preferring to sleep in one or another of the various farm buildings instead. 

Hannah was a sad little cat with little apparent personality when I first met her. It took a couple of years, but eventually she and I truly became buds. She never let me touch her but when she came up on the porch for her food, she would be so happy and feel so good that she would roll back and forth, back and forth on her back, purring the entire time. 

At times she would almost forget to be afraid of me, and would lie looking out across the fields, with me at her back only six or eight feet away. Then she would remember though, and be skittish once more. 

For the first two years I knew her, Hannah always dragged her tail behind her whenever she walked around. Because I never saw her lift it high the way a cat does when it's feeling good, I had even thought that perhaps she had broken her tail at some point and it had never healed. 

During this last six months or so, however, any time she came up on the porch for her breakfast or supper and saw me waiting for her, she would put her tail straight up and walk around in anticipation. This is when she would also flop down on her side and roll around so happily. 

All of that has ended now, and my Hannah is gone. She lived a long time, and her last year here with me was, I'm sure, by far her happiest. She won't suffer any more, and I'm grateful for that. 

I'm suffering, though, because I miss her so much and because, I suppose, I just feel bad for her sad and difficult life. I wish I could have arrived here years ago, when I would have been in time to tame her and give her the home she deserved. 

I got my first cat thirty-five years ago, and I've always had one or more ever since then. So you know I've gone through this a number of times before. It just does not get any easier, though. I feel the same pain for my Hannah as for any of my other cats. 

Thank you for listening to me.


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. Yes, so many of us can relate to the sad loss of our catfriends. At least be happy and content that her last 3 years with you were wonderful in her terms. She knew you loved her and showed it in her way of rolling on her back in front of you. Only cats that really love and trust their person do this. Most ferals learn to be skittish, and those that are successful at this are the ones who survive from quick actions of predators. It was just a natural reflex for her and not a rejection of your love and attention. I'm sure when the time is right, Hannah would approve that you shower your attention on another needy cat. I truly believe that no love is ever lost and that one day we will be with our fur friends again. _"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; unless my cats are there to welcome me."_ ~ Anonymous


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## Shamu (Aug 6, 2010)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's so hard to be without them. As time passes, may it comfort you to know that you gave her a very good home for the last part of her life, and she passed away a very happy kitty. Thank you for sharing.


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## Xanti (Nov 4, 2008)

I'm sorry too. Hannah enjoyed the last few years of her life with someone who cared for her, you are a good person.


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## KittyKat21 (Aug 6, 2010)

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I know how hard it can be when you lose a friend. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing with us.


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## love.my.cats (Jan 29, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though Hannah didn't let you get too close, it sounds as though you were just as special to her as she was to you.


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## whylime0402 (Aug 1, 2010)

Thank you for sharing that. Despite not knowing her for long, you played a huge role in her life and I'm sure she knew she was loved and cared for. I am sorry for your loss.


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## Anne Arbor (Aug 6, 2010)

Dear catloverami, 

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I believe that my bond with Hannah did become something quite special. Only in the last six months of our acquaintance did she start rolling on her back. Once she started, though, she would do it any time our paths crossed - even in the middle of the driveway! 

I'm having a very difficult time with the idea that my little honey is no longer here. I suspect you're right that I will only start to feel truly better when I can find another way to express my love for her. 

Thank you again so much. 





catloverami said:


> Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. Yes, so many of us can relate to the sad loss of our catfriends. At least be happy and content that her last 3 years with you were wonderful in her terms. She knew you loved her and showed it in her way of rolling on her back in front of you. Only cats that really love and trust their person do this. Most ferals learn to be skittish, and those that are successful at this are the ones who survive from quick actions of predators. It was just a natural reflex for her and not a rejection of your love and attention. I'm sure when the time is right, Hannah would approve that you shower your attention on another needy cat. I truly believe that no love is ever lost and that one day we will be with our fur friends again. _"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; unless my cats are there to welcome me."_ ~ Anonymous


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## Anne Arbor (Aug 6, 2010)

Shamu, 

Thank you for your reply and kind words. It is indeed very painful to be without my little Hannah! 




Shamu said:


> I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's so hard to be without them. As time passes, may it comfort you to know that you gave her a very good home for the last part of her life, and she passed away a very happy kitty. Thank you for sharing.


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## Anne Arbor (Aug 6, 2010)

Xanti said:


> I'm sorry too. Hannah enjoyed the last few years of her life with someone who cared for her, you are a good person.



Xanti, thank you for replying. It does help a little to remind myself of all the care I gave her and how much she enjoyed it. She had a hard life, but just a little comfort in the last three years.


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## Anne Arbor (Aug 6, 2010)

Dear KittyKat21, 

Thank you for your kind reply. It certainly is very hard, but kind words definitely make a difference in dealing with all the pain and sadness. 





KittyKat21 said:


> I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I know how hard it can be when you lose a friend. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing with us.


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## Anne Arbor (Aug 6, 2010)

Hello, love.my.cats, 

Thank you for your post. Yes, you are right that my caring did make a difference to Hannah. She couldn't quite let me close, but she did let me know in other ways. 





love.my.cats said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though Hannah didn't let you get too close, it sounds as though you were just as special to her as she was to you.


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## Anne Arbor (Aug 6, 2010)

Hello, whylime0402, 

Thank you for your kind words. She certainly did know that I loved her, and she responded with joy! We don't think of cats as expressing joy very often, but Hannah unquestionably did so. Thank you again. 





whylime0402 said:


> Thank you for sharing that. Despite not knowing her for long, you played a huge role in her life and I'm sure she knew she was loved and cared for. I am sorry for your loss.


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear your story and you're right, there are many of us here who understand completely how devastating it can be to lose a cat. The only thing that would have been sadder than losing her, though, is if you hadn't come into her life 3 years ago. Be proud of what you did for her.


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## RowdyAndMalley (Aug 9, 2010)

Sorry to hear this story


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## langsa (Aug 9, 2010)

I can sympathize with you. Losing a cat is like losing a lover. They are so wonderful, without judging you. I wish you peace.


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