# In Loving Memory of "Freddie"



## SummerBreeze79 (Jun 5, 2008)

About two years ago, an adorable, sweet, loving kitten found it's way to our patio and into our hearts, and has been there ever since. Living in an apartment with a no pet policy, we weren't able to bring her inside, but I did try to keep her 'home' as safe and as comfortable as possible. She always had her food and water, her toys, her treats, her blankets and her favorite 'bed'. We were in the process of buying a home and moving, and of course bringing her along, as she was now an important part of our lives and family. That was a huge reason for wanting to make the move; Freddie would finally have a 'real' home. Suddenly and sadly, I am now left with a hole in my heart that I feel will never be filled again.
Yesterday, (June 4th) when I got up to get ready for work, I opened the blinds to the patio, expecting to go through our usual routine; she would hear the door click, jump down from her favorite chair and (not so) patiently wait for me to open the door for her breakfast and morning love, where she would get her head scratched and then 'show off' by rolling over on her back and stretching out as far as she could. She wasn't out there when I first got up, so I figured she was off playing or being adventurous, as she sometimes was. I kept checking every so often within the hour before leaving for work, and she still hadn't come to the door. I didn't think too much of it, and since I would be home in a couple of hours anyway, I went on to work.
After getting home around noon, I again, went straight to the back door. Again, she didn't come when I 'clicked' the lock. So I went outside and looked around and called for her. There was no sign of her, which now was really starting to concern me. I decided to go a little further past our porch and look into the woods, figuring maybe she was napping there. Sure enough, I saw a grey ball of fur laying there. I quietly approached, not wanting to scare her, and began calling her softly. She did not move. I started to get a nervous feeling in my stomach, but went even closer. From where I was standing at this point, I had a pretty good view of her, even though she was still up in the woods a good bit. She was positioned as if she were fast asleep, but that being my 'baby', and as I was now calling her louder and clapping and getting no response, I knew, that she was no longer with us. My only bit of comfort right now is the hope that she passed on peacefully in her sleep. I still find myself getting up every so often and walking to the back door, looking out, and expecting to find my darling laying there, stretched out, enjoying the warm sunshine and the cool breeze. I have even stepped outside several times to sit in Freddie's chair, hoping to feel her soft fur lightly brushing against my skin. Wow. How do you get used to the realization that they're no longer there when such great experiences still consume you?
I hate that I wasn't physically or emotionally able to bury her myself, but my wonderful and dear friend helped me properly put my beautiful, loving kitty I knew as "Freddie" to rest. I may never know what happened to her, as she didn't have a scratch on her, nor any visible signs of anything wrong, and she was fine the day before, which is definitely one of the hardest parts of this whole tragedy, (my mom has suggested maybe she was poisoned, not necessarily purposely, but perhaps she got into something), but the one thing I am most devastated about is the guilt I feel. The 'what-ifs'. What if I would have moved away sooner? What if I would have asked around to see if someone could have kept her for me until I moved? What if this? What if that? What if she didn't know how much I really, truly cared for her? What if I didn't do enough to protect her and keep her safe? What if I didn't show her enough affection? My mind can't focus on anything right now except for the things I felt I did wrong.
If anything, I really do hope that she knew that she was dearly loved and cared for. And at the very least, I hope that I was able to make her all too short life here on earth a little easier, and a lot happier.
I love you Freddie.










Check out the heart shaped rock I found laying by my foot, right next to the spot where we buried her (Yes, I definitely believe in signs!):










Thank you everyone for letting me share my story with kind hearted individuals who truly know the feeling of the one of a kind, unconditional love that seems at times, can only come from the pure hearts of our precious furry friends :wolfie


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## talullah (May 25, 2008)

Bless your heart. Freddy was a beautiful kitty - and I'm so very sorry your heart is breaking. 

((hug))

Not a lot of words will make the hurt go away, but know that one day someone else will need you as much as Freddy did.


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## SummerBreeze79 (Jun 5, 2008)

Thank you so much for your kind words, they really mean a lot. I do hope that I can help to make a better life for another animal one day, though I wish we all would never HAVE to again, that we'd see a day where each and every animal has a good home, is loved and is never abused. But, until that day comes, I'm going to do my best to help.


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## melysion (Mar 12, 2007)

What a moving story. I'm sure Freddie knew she was loved.

RIP sweet girl


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## katlover13 (Apr 15, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss. It seems so empty when they are gone and I know it feels like you are going to shatter into a million pieces. Try to let go of the "what ifs". She is at the bridge now and you are the person she is waiting for because you are the one who loved her on this earth. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sue


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## Leazie (Apr 14, 2007)

You gave Freddie a wonderful life. Your love for her came shining through with each word- I am sure it came through every interaction you had with her.

((HUGS))


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

My prayers are with you, as I know the pain you're going through. We know that God knows every sparrow that falls, so we can be assured that little Freddie in surrounded by love beyond our understanding. God bless you and comfort you.


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