# Hi everyone! I need help! (Bf vs my cat)



## Becca (Jun 9, 2011)

Hi everyone, my name is Rebecca. I live in Clayton, NC with my boyfriend, two dogs, and my cat. Callie Cat is a pretty grey/black DSH who is 8 years old. Very sweet, well behaved, Not much into toys but jumps on the counters a lot, stays away from the dogs, and loves to lay on the back of the couch, next to me purring, or on a chair in the sun.

Background on how I got Callie Cat is my ex roommate brought her home at 5 months and didn't take care of her. My other roommate and I spayed her and I took care of her. I grew up with dogs because my mom was allergic to cats so while I am a dog person more, I do love her very much.

Now the issue: two years ago I started dating a guy & we moved in together quickly. He grew up in Brooklyn with almost no animal experience & never wanted animals in his showcase clean house. I brought my dog and cat. He hated my dog, telling me to get rid of her and actually liked my cat, holding and petting her. Then he got a puppy and tolerated my dog, and started to be meaner to my cat. Put socks on her head, put her on high pillars, shoots nerf darts at her, etc. Over the two years he threatened to throw her out or kill her and said how he hated her. She started to pick at the carpet his puppy bit up and I keep plastic tips on her (not declawed), but he still hates her litter box, the small amount of litter she tracks, her hair, her meowing at dinnertime, and his allergies. Mind you he's allergic only if he rubs his eyes without washing his hands.

In Nov I accidentally locked her in the spare bedroom and though he's told just to let her be because she now hates him and hisses, he went after her, getting scratches/bites and her pooping in fear. He threw her in the garage with a sock on her head and paws all taped up and said she was gone. I then lost my job so got a reprive.

Now she has occasionally urinated on the carpet and pulled the carpet corner of the stairs up for two weeks for some reason. I check her tips, clean it repeatedly, and he puts her in her crate (which she HATES) in the hot closet with nothing and poop in the closet from where she feared him. And says how he'll get rid of her when I'm at work. And he says I don't care about his feelings and he hates her here.

So do I find a home for my pretty girl not filled with hostility and stay with someone who was so cruel to her or do I keep her and he ends up kicking me out/breaking up with me. I love Callie Cat and after 8 years I want to keep her and love her, but her staying with him in what he wants to be his perfect house doesn't seem feasible. I don't win either way, so advice??


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## Xanti (Nov 4, 2008)

I would have to ask you, why would you want to stay with such a sadistic person?

What he is doing is animal cruelty. You might want to do a search on what these types of people are able to do to humans under the 'right' circumstances. I would be seriously worried about ever having children with him...

Also, if anyone did that to my cat or any animal in my care, boyfriend/family member/whoever..they would be out of my life faster than they could blink.


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## its.alice (Jun 15, 2011)

Why would you EVER choose him over your Callie??? If he can do that to a cat, imagine what he could do to a child or even YOU! Get out of there with your dog and cat and save all your lives!


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## blondie1483 (Jan 19, 2011)

Leave him immediately. He is abusive. Get out of that relationship. GET OUT. Not even kidding. He sounds like a terrible person. Please do yourself the favor of not making excuses for him. You need to get yourself and callie away from him immediately.

Reading your post about what he does to her makes me nauseated. Your poor cat. If you love her, and if you love yourself, you will leave. Save yourself and your cat whom you claim to love. If I sound angry, it's because I am. LEAVE!!!!!!


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## BotanyBlack (Apr 6, 2011)

I agree with all the above posters. Having seen my sister in a similar situation.. After the cats gone, they start on the dog, after the dog,, they alienate your friends and family. essentially keeping you isolated.. Yes he did the "caring" thing also and loved up to pets and family before showing what he was later. They never return to how you remember them being. Usually its an act they put on in front of others anyway.

Abuse escalates over time. It doesn't "go away" or "get better if"... It sounds like your cat is a good judge of character. I would consider other options then staying with him.

And welcome to the forums. We are glad you are here.


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

I concur with what other posters have said. 

Leave him and take your Callie Cat with you, and the sooner the better. Make plans to get another apartment, and leave him without telling him or landlord or anyone else he knows where you're going.


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## Sinatra-Butters (Aug 9, 2010)

You need to get out of that relationship right now. My boyfriend would get sick if he read what yours did, because good men love up on all animals. Hurting something smaller than you is not the manly thing to do.


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## saitenyo (Nov 28, 2010)

Seriously, keep the cat, get rid of the boyfriend. That is _not_ healthy mature behavior. It is sadistic and cruel and legally qualifies as animal abuse. 

As others have said, if this is how he treats living things dependent on you for survival, how do you think he'll behave with children? How do you think he'll treat _you_ if he ever really loses his temper? He could end up hurting you, your future children, any future pets, etc. so I would strongly recommend getting out of this relationship NOW and take your cat with you and don't look back.

It is rarely easily to end a relationship, even one throwing up all these abuse red flags, but please understand that this is _not_ how someone who truly loves you, and is truly compatible with you, would behave. Someone who is a good healthy match for you should share your compassion for your pets or at least respect it, not put you in a position where you must choose between him or the cat, and _definitely_ never _ever_ abuse an animal like that.


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## konstargirl (Feb 4, 2011)

If I would you.. I will make a pot of grits and pour it on his head and see how he likes that..


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## Beckie210789 (May 9, 2011)

My SO was allergic to cats, he didn't really like cats... and honestly, I would NOT have rehomed my 2 boys for the world. He realized this, and moved in with me anyway. Turns out he must have grown out of his allergies, because he doesn't even have a minor reaction to them, and since has adopted a little girl kitten of his own (who's now almost 2) and we both agreed to 'adopt' a stray our friends brought to us. 

He's turned into a crazy cat lady along with me! 

On a more serious note, LEAVE HIM. I would NEVER allow anyone to treat my cats that way, ANY animal, EVER. It's disrespectful, and if he LOVED you, he would also make an attempt to love your animals. It's only a matter of time before he turns that sick abuse onto you!


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## Natalie Jayne (Apr 21, 2011)

Yeah, you gotta get out. Get the cat out now, sounds like it's only a matter of time before he follows through with his threats to her, and I really hope u get out too xoxo


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## Lineth (Apr 12, 2011)

*Get rid of this...*

If I were you, I would get rid of this douche bag of boyfriend that you have. What he is doing to your cat is unaceptable. Get rid of him, but if you like to suffer then I don't know what to tell you. I think that if he is not nice to animals, chances are he is not good with humans either. Now are animals, but who knows in the future maybe he will treat you the same. But it is your choice on what to do, please note that what he is doing to your cat is nothing but cruel.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

Becca said:


> I don't win either way, so advice??


Not true! The biggest win in this situation is get AWAY FROM HIM.

What a small pathetic horrible person he is.

I'm not entirely sure how you could type all that, read it and still stay with him..... If someone did something like tape MowMow's legs together and put a sock over his head and tossed him out.. well... let's just say they'd never walk properly again (I'm quite serious about that).

You need to get out. Don't be alone with him after you tell him your leaving, get your brothers (or a couple of big guys) to help you pack up your stuff and stay with you until you're out. This guy is dangerous and a serious sociopath, either board your cat AND dog or have a friend watch them because if he blames them for you leaving he WILL hurt them. 

How could anyone even consider spending a life with someone like that...... can you imagine how he'd treat CHILDREN? I agree with the above poster that he WILL turn the abuse on you. If you decide to stay you NEED to find your pets a good home, you owe it to them to make sure they are safe and they are definitely NOT safe there. Once they are gone be prepared, he's used to venting his anger and frustration out and with no outlet it will all be on you, imo.


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## MinkaMuffin (Apr 1, 2011)

Hi Rebecca, I am so sorry you are in this situation.. ((hug))

I understand where you are coming from as my boyfriend is also a very 'my clean house' kinda guy, so I have to work to make him fall in love with my cat so that he won't get in a fuss if he ever scratches at the carpet, etc.
On the other hand, if my boyfriend EVER laid a hand on my cat, I would leave him immediately. Abuse to animals, family, friends or anyone is a judge of character, and that nice character he has towards you will not last. You have to realize that if you had been at work, and the garbage can in a hot garage, your cat would have *died* and he wouldn't even have cared. Take that into consideration.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Considering the OP has not been back since the original post, let's wait and see what she has to say before continuing with the bashing.


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## BotanyBlack (Apr 6, 2011)

Agreed with above.. its been 8 days, she has made a decision one way or another at this point.


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