# Guests and your pets



## catinthemirror (Jun 28, 2011)

I don't want to turn this into a huge rant, but I'm just so frustrated. Why is it that some guests are perfectly polite and courteous... except when it comes to your pets?

My younger brother is having friends over more and more often. These guest are older teens/young adults not much younger than I am, and for the most part they're all very well behaved. Until it comes to my cats! 

Why is it that they ask permission before taking a cup out of the cupboard, but feel it's perfectly acceptable to chase my skittish older cat UP A FLIGHT OF STAIRS because she refused to be pet by them? Or to GRAB my younger cat even though she was clearly telling them "please stay back, I don't want to be touched", and then hold her forcibly down in their lap until I intervene? 

I know I'm very protective and a tad crazy about my cats, but putting aside how much it angers me to see my cats treated this way, doesn't this behavior just seem unbelievably RUDE when you're a guest in someone's house? When I'm visiting someone you better believe my respect for them and their property extends to their animals. I feel that as living beings animals do deserve a certain amount of respect anyway, but _putting that aside_; I would never go to someone's house and throw their dishes around, or spank their children. How can someone think this kind of disrespectful behavior is ok when it's applied to someone's pet? 

I'm seriously wondering if I need to make some sort of sign, about the rules for guests interacting with my cats. I'm sure it'll cause my brother much embarrassment, and give people more reason to think I'm a crazy cat lady, but this kind of behavior just cannot be repeated. 

I'd love to hear anyone's ideas, advice or experience dealing with this kind of thing. I want to be tactful but I need to be firm in putting a stop to this.


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## Meezer_lover (Apr 19, 2011)

That would **** me off. 

When those particular disrespectful people come over, I would put my cat in a room with it's necessities, then close the door and tell them not to go in.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

..... If someone came into my house and chased one of my cats...even in 'fun'...they'd be out the door.

They live here, you DO NOT. They earn their right to be in my home, you DID NOT. 

The person I always had trouble with was my ex husband. He was always offended that MOwMow hates him and always wanted to hunt out his hiding spot (I would never tell him where it was) so he could "force him to like me and show him I'm not going to hurt him." ... NO! If you can't respect his wishes then get out and don't come back. THere's no reason he has to like you and if you make him uncomfortable then he can hide until you leave... and if you keep pushing this topic you will be leaving sooner rather than later...

This is a touchy subject for me. I've even gotten on my mom's case a little bit. She in jest flicked water in MOwMOw's face one visit (she was washing dishes and he wanted to see what she was up too) and sent him running. A few hours later she was hanging around the kitchen while I was washing my hands and I flicked my wet hands and got her hair wet. She WIGGED (pun intended) on me and I pointed out that MowMOw must have felt similar.  She's been *very* respectful since then.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Wow, Krissy, good thing your Mom didn't bother him in the litter box!


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

My friend have always been respectful towards my cats.
Chiquita has never liked strangers and will go into my bedroom and chill out until they're gone.
Samantha was always indifferent to guests, she actually likes children and would allow them to gently pet her but if they tried to pick her up she'd just squirm out of their grip ans scurry off, I'd then tell them kitty doesn't like to be held.


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## Greenport ferals (Oct 30, 2010)

Only cat people are allowed in my house. 
My best friends have more cats than I do.


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## Whaler (Feb 13, 2011)

catinthemirror said:


> I feel that as living beings animals do deserve a certain amount of respect anyway,


i would say they deserve _equal _respect.




> but _putting that aside_; I would never go to someone's house and throw their dishes around, or *spank their children.* How can someone think this kind of disrespectful behavior is ok when it's applied to someone's pet?


that is an excellent analogy.




> I'm seriously wondering if I need to make some sort of sign, about the rules for guests interacting with my cats. I'm sure it'll cause my brother much embarrassment, and give people more reason to think I'm a crazy cat lady, but this kind of behavior just cannot be repeated.


my opinion is that you need to not worry about embarrassing your brother, it doesn't sound like he shows any respect for your cats by allowing his friends to act like they do. sit him down and firmly lay out the rules of conduct in regards to your cats. if he can not fathom why you are doing this then explain exactly what they are doing and how much it traumatizes your cats.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Tell the miscreants including your brother, that this is the cat's home and they're to be treated with respect, the guest are just that guest and if they can't abide by these rules they will be asked to leave.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

I don't know why maybe it's because I'm a guy or I just don't have any non friends who visit my home but nobody would be permitted to bother my cats in my house.


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## jusjim (Jun 30, 2009)

OK. It's my guess that they do this in the mistaken belief that they are being friendly (except for the chasing upstairs) and showing that they like your animals (cats). It was a dog, but did any of you see that reporter when George Bush left office. A comlete stranger to Bush's dog, he thought it OK to bend over and grab the dog's neck. He was trying to be friendly; the dog took a chunk out of his finger. But he acted out of ignorance.

Is your brother appoachable. Can you chat with him about this and maybe come up with a solution. I would tell him that it's fine for the friends to pet the cats, but only if the cats permit this. What do you feel is a good way (if any) for them to greet your cats. My way with both dogs and cats is to let them smell the back of my hand, and then, with cats, if permittted, run those knuckles over the head and leave it at that. If the cat wants more it will give some sort of signal. With dogs it's best to let them also give a sign.

So that's what I think, these friends are acting out of ignorance, and that is the obstacle you need to overcome.


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## dweamgoil (Feb 3, 2010)

I also don't have too many visitors, but when I do, they all understand my cats need to be treated with respect. The first question I ask if they are allergic, if they say they are, I tell them not to come in because I have 4 cats.

In the past, I had my niece visit us overnight and I left 2 of the less active cats out and locked the other 2 in my room with food and a litter box. My niece was afraid of cats and I didn't want her to see them running about and freak out. I took some time to have her pet the cats that were out and she did that for about 2 minutes and then was off to something else...she was 4 at the time.

I have only had 1 visitor who taunted one of my cats and he got a paw swatting at him with outstretched claws. That was the end of that since I didn't allow him to chase the cat and he, having cats himself, understood he just was not able to understand her cues to stay back. Had he reacted differently, he would've been out the door quick!


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

That's just not acceptable behavior. Are they drunk or something? Chasing/taunting a cat is something you learn not to do when you're about five years old. If someone was being nasty to my cat I'd tell them to cut it out... politely the first time. If they did it again I'd remind them the cat doesn't like it, that I don't want them doing that, and if they don't take that seriously, they can leave. Still nicely as possible, but painting a serious picture of things to come if they don't respect my pets.

I have a semi-similar problem with my aunt, she loves cats but Blacky does not like her and never has. My aunt doesn't really accept this and still tries to initiate contact with her, which makes my dad and me mad to no end. That Blacky will be sleeping and she'll walk in and want to pat her (probably a little too roughly!) when she knows Blacky is just going to leave when she gets closer... ugg. Basically, not much I can do, but we always tell my aunt to take a hike (nicely) when it looks like she's thinking about approaching Blacky. ("Don't, you'll make her run away..." )


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## catinthemirror (Jun 28, 2011)

Well at least I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who can't stand this kind of behavior! I wish I was able to just kick these people out (or prevent them from coming over all together) but they're my brother's guests. 

Anyway, thankfully none of these people are drunk, but I likely will have to deal with THAT fun situation at some point. And the ridiculous thing is, the two worst offenders have several cats of their own at home. So at first I really assumed they would have some idea of how to approach them with respect and kindness but that's obviously not the case. I guess I should know better - I recently had to break off a friendship with someone after going to her house and seeing the way she treated her pets. 

In any case I would love to just put them in a room when people come over, but I'm not always here to do so. I want to make sure this isn't happening when I'm out and haven't tucked the cats away somewhere safe (or god forbid I tuck them away, and someone slips in to 'visit' them where they can't even escape). Plus I feel it's spectacularly unfair to have to lock them up in their own house because other people are being idiots. I have intervened during any situation where I feel the cats are uncomfortable, but it's kind of exhausting to keep track of everything when there's a bunch of people over. This is how the chasing incident happened - I was watching one person trying to coax Moxie close enough to be pet (I was worried they were going to try to grab her again), when I heard someone swear and then take off running upstairs. I couldn't imagine what was happening until I went to investigate and found Sassy hiding under my bed.

I guess this is something I'm going to have to talk to my brother about - but I'm not sure how well it'll go over. Which is why I'm considering some sort of sign or something, to ensure anyone who comes over gets an idea of how they SHOULD be behaving, even when I'm not there to monitor it. Something along the lines of "Two shy kitties live here! To ensure you don't frighten them if they come to say hello PLEASE DO NOT chase them, grab them, or pick them up." Or I don't know, maybe that's stupid. I just know my brother isn't likely to stand up to someone during or after an incident, so I'd like to try to prevent them all together.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I think maybe if you make a sign, and include some humor in it, it will get the point across without seeming rude or overbearing.

Maybe a sign, saying what you posted, but then adding a picture underneath.

*"This is what happened to the last person who didn't heed this advice:"*


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## dweamgoil (Feb 3, 2010)

hahaha...I like the sign design. However, I wish you luck. Part of my job at work is to post signs to remind employees about the rules. People sometimes get all passive-aggressive on you when there is a sign since there is no one around to monitor their behavior. Can't you have a family meeting with your brother and your parents so you can all discuss what is happening and the best way to proceed?


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## Jannerl (Jun 24, 2011)

I haven't had this problem lately - my friends are cat people and interact very well with my kitties but I do have a horror story from years ago - 

A coworker brought her (uninvited) 5 year old to a baby shower in my home. At one point I heard my cat scream and rushed to the stair landing to find the child had tried to HANG her with a cord from the railing. The cat scratched him and his mother complained about that. (yes, really!) I voiced my displeasure and forbade him to touch the cat, which I then put away in a bedroom for her protection. The mother, when they left, then had the nerve to ask me for the rest of the cake to take home... The kid is probably doing time now for crimes and misdemeanors...


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## wolfsnaps (Dec 26, 2011)

It never fails to amaze me how ignorant some people are. People do this with my dogs too. I have a 180 lbs. English mastiff. He is a friendly dog but some people he just does notlike. And yet complete strangers will walk right up to him without asking to pet him and get right in his face. 

Sometimes he doesn't want his space invaded like that and I don't blame him. Then, if he barks people think he is vicious...lol. He is NOT, just trying to let people know he isn't in the mood.

Point is, some people to not understand animals or body language. My own husband is too rough with my kitten. I keep telling him to ease up (he pets her too hard or randomly picks her up wheb she doesn't want picked up). And he wonders why all the animals prefer me. 

And some people just have no respect abd do not care. If I were you I would have a family meeting. Tell them that if they really love and respect you, they can follow these easy wishes you have of keeping EVERYONE in the house peaceful and happy. Good luck


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## phylline (Jul 21, 2011)

I completely agree with everyone here, that just isn't acceptable. I don't think it should be your brother's right to be 'embarrassed' when it's the cats that will be worst off for this.

Thankfully nobody has ever tormented my cats, but the first time I went to my ex's, he THREW his cat at me saying "cat attack" and laughing. O____o


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## Alpaca (Dec 21, 2009)

If anyone tried to hang my cats there definitely would be h3ll to pay. If I didn't have the power to kick them out right there and then, I would certainly raise enough noise that they'll feel uncomfortable enough to leave on their own.

I watch my furkids like a hawk if anyone is over. I also keep the cats in their room with the door closed so I know where they are and to prevent them from bolting for an outside door. I once had my back turned for something and my aunt had the ignorance of entering the room then leaving, with the door open! I was beyond appalled. Why can't people leave things the way they see them if they're going to touch the things? There's a REASON why the door was closed in the first place. Geesh!



Jannerl said:


> I haven't had this problem lately - my friends are cat people and interact very well with my kitties but I do have a horror story from years ago -
> 
> A coworker brought her (uninvited) 5 year old to a baby shower in my home. At one point I heard my cat scream and rushed to the stair landing to find the child had tried to HANG her with a cord from the railing. The cat scratched him and his mother complained about that. (yes, really!) I voiced my displeasure and forbade him to touch the cat, which I then put away in a bedroom for her protection. The mother, when they left, then had the nerve to ask me for the rest of the cake to take home... The kid is probably doing time now for crimes and misdemeanors...


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

I was a customer service tech for a kitchen cabinet company and went into people's homes all the time.
If they had a kitty I call to him/her and see if she was interested in getting petted if they weren't I'd leave them alone, some of the dogs could be quite funny and come over and lay down between me and the cabinet I was trying to work on, I'd give them some pets and usually the homeowner would call the dog away so I could get on with my task.
I always kept in mind that this was their home and I was just a guest.


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## Angela_Grace (Dec 26, 2011)

Wow!!! Whenever I go to someone's house and see that they have a cat I always respect their boundaries. Not all cats are stranger friendly nor should all cats be treated as if they were a circus act! 

In my opinion, I'd recommend to you that you have a serious talk with your brother. Explain to him that his friends are disrespecting your cats and that eventually one of them is going to get scratched and it's not going to be pretty.

I have a cousin who lives with me (unfortunately) and in the beginning, he'd leave doors open and allow Pierre to roam in parts of the house that he's not allowed in. I would fix his behavior and eventually I got tired of it so I had a VERY serious talk with him. He still does it from time to time, but he knows that he's going to be spoken to each time he does it.


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## Huge2 (Jan 28, 2008)

My brother's 9 year old stepson was repeatedly warned about not messing with Peggy. He ignored us and got swiped. My brother told him off for ignoring us


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## Goldtanker (Jan 9, 2011)

Midnight, the wild cat, will be having a visitor this weekend - We are dog-sitting Penny, the "granddog" (a Scottie). They have met before and there was never a problem. Penny is from North Dakota farmland and has numerous barn cats on the property. She will also be on a leash of course and Midnight is not in the house. When Midnight first met all the grandchildren I was concerned, but he took to them right away - even when approached by more than one at a time. They all have cats so maybe he sensed their familiarity.


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## Sinatra-Butters (Aug 9, 2010)

My friend was over the other day and she was playing with Sinatra and he gave her a friendly swat. She had her cat declawed so she forgot that when they are playing and swat to get something sometimes you get the claws. I just laughed.


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