# Taking him back to the shelter today :( feeling guilty



## JulieJewels (May 11, 2008)

I posted below about the litterbox bully....this is kinda a follow-up after consulting with both my vets and this week/weekends experiences.

I am so saddened , but I have decided to return Sam to the shelter today. It is such a difficult decision.  But he contines to bully Jack , even when I am around. Sam has taken to biting me ( not sure if it is play or not). He just probably needs to be an "only child".

Twice already this morning he has had my little one-eyed Jack pinned and was biting in the neck area;Jack wrestling to escape. I allow them limited time around each other and did the whole introduction thing, they were getting along in small doses ( sorta) but now
I have to keep them seperate it is so bad. If Jack's one eye gets clawed, he could be blind. Plus Jack is such a sweet,docile kitty. He does not like to fight. Sam cannot handle anytime around Jack now before he becomes the Big Bully and pounces.

I know it has only been a couple weeks since I brought these two home, but the bullying is escalating and becoming fighting and I cannot be around to watch them 24/7 nor will I have a situation where one is living in the bedroom. That is just not fair. 

I know I should probably give it more time...but cannot live with Jack being beat-up and me being bitten for no reason. I just feel so guilty. It is a no-kill shelter ( thank goodness) , but I hate to think of Sam being caged up waiting for a new family to adopt him when he has had such a marvelous time this morning running and playing with all his toys. He was there for only 5 days before I chose him, so hopefully he will get another home fast. I know everyone loves the kittens and at 13 months he is already pretty big, that is what worries me. 

I am trying desperately to feel like I am doing the right thing, but it is so hard. I am a good kitty-mommy. Sam is so pleasant when it is just the two of us and he forgets about Jack in the back room. But that is not fair to my little special-needs adoptee with one eye. I if only brought home Sam, it would be no problem at all and giving up Jack is not an option for me. 

I wrote a 2 page letter to Sam's new family explaining why I was surrendering him back to the shelter and emphasizing that he was a wonderful-boy for a one cat home. My greatest fear is the shelter would euthanize him for being a buster and unadoptable. (Which is not the case.)  

I have to believe this is the best for all of us. 
Any words of advice/support wold really make me feel better about this. 

Thanks- Julie
 [/b]


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## Smirkitty (Apr 19, 2008)

Wow Julie, what a hard decision to make. I know how badly you feel, but you need to remember that really neither Sam nor Jack were terribly happy. 

If Sam constantly felt the need to bully another cat, he wasn't comfortable. If he truly does need to be in a one-cat household, then I really feel that you have done the right thing. There are a lot of people who really only want one cat, and I'm sure that fate will bring him to his true Forever Home. The letter you wrote I think is a really nice gesture, and I know someone will appreciate it.

I hope you don't let this deter you from adopting another cat to be Jack's friend, as it really only takes the right match to make it heaven for our kitteh friends.

I know it's really not much comfort at this point in time, but you really did do the right thing.


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## nanook (Jun 12, 2005)

I'm sorry things didn't work out however, I hope you haven't already told the shelter he needs a one kitty cat home.
I know this is probably too late but somehow I missed your original thread. I'm really posting now just in case you decide to get another cat in the future and for other new multi cat owners who may be reading this.
What you have described sounds like perfectly normal new (especially young) kitty behavior. Once they get over the initial "hissy, spitty" phase, there is often (I'd say, even usually) a dominance struggle. It's just part of the cat social order and typically will resolve within a couple of weeks. It may be upsetting for us and seem somewhat violent even but they very, very rarely actually hurt each other as it's really just rough play. As hard as it is to do, it's usually best to just let them be and work it out amongst themselves. Samson was still, even at just over a year, a kitten and that's what cats of that age do to their new siblings. He was trying to be the big boy in the house and, from what you describe, it sounds like Jake was letting him. I know how nerve wracking it can be for us however, and I am absolutely not trying to make you feel guilty or telling you you should have made a different choice. You made the right choice for you. I'm sure Samson will find another wonderful home. But, I think it's important that the shelter doesn't think he is a difficult kitty. That you tell them you are just more comfortable with one cat.


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

Julie - just your concern about whether or not you made the right decision is enough to convince me how much you care, and that you didn't make the decision lightly. I think in cases like these, it's better to return the cat before cat and owner become bonded and before the new cat gets settled in the new home. Overall, it's less stressful for all parties concerned. He'll probably have to be placed in a home where he's the only cat, but I seriously doubt he'll be euthanized for this reason alone.

The letter is a nice touch but if your shelter has the same policies as mine the new adopters won't see it. They want to keep surrendering parties' and adoptive parties' privacy and so they don't divulge any information likely to link cat and previous or subsequent owners.


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## JulieJewels (May 11, 2008)

I did take him back today with many tears. It was what was best for my special needs kitty with one eye and probably best for Sam. If he was bullying he was not entirely happy here and I know Jack was not happy. In talking to my vet, he said I ran the risk of it becoming a learned behavior and possibly never stopping.

The adoption counselor attached the letter to the adoption materials . This shelter divulges all info of the previous owner incase a contact is necessary. 

The shelter told me they would contact me to let me know when he is adopted. 

In the mean time, I said I would call weekly or stop in ( not seeing Sam of course, I just couldn't bear to see him) and make a $$ donation weekly on his behalf. It will make me feel much better; like I am still taking some responsibility.

It really broke my heart to hear him meowing when they took him back and put him in a holding cage. It was like where are you Julie, Why am I here? Just like he would do when I was in the next room. It was sad.

However, I was assurred he would be placed in a good home. I love the workers in the shelter. They are really caring. I know they will do their best. They assurred me that he would not be euthanized and they would try to place him in a one cat home. 

Yes, in time it may have subsided. I remember my cats when growing up as a kid having some spats. I know he was establishing his dominance. It just seemed to be getting bad and I was upset and so was Little Jack I wonder if perhaps he sensed a weakness in the Jack due to him having one eye. 

I am getting married in a year and my fiance has a 5 year old golden retriever dog. Seeing how tough it was with a cat,I was also worried about the presence of a dog. But that is a whole 'nother topic. 

I dunno...but it is done and I have a heavy heart about it all. 
Thank you all for the kind and consoling words. 
I know the longer I waited the harder it would have been and it was pretty hard for me today. I have to trust that God will lead Sam to the right forever home.


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## nanook (Jun 12, 2005)

It really is amazing how quickly they get under your skin.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I re-homed a kitty that was mean to Cinderella and I sobbed like a schoolgirl handing her over. But she's so happy in her new home and Cinderella's hair grew back in and she gained the weight back she was losing from the stress, so it was for the better. I know from personal experience how heartbreaking this was for you. I loved Keesha so much and she was great with me. With Cinderella? Not so much. You have to do what's best for everyone and the people at the shelter do sound like they'll find Sam a wonderful new home.


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## JulieJewels (May 11, 2008)

Just an update, I took Samson back last Sunday 5/18. ~~so sad~~ I thought I made a wrong choice after a few days of being very upset.

On Wednesday I got a call from a really nice lady, she adopted Samson on Sunday just about an hour after I dropped him off!!  She loves him so much and we talked for awhile. 

He only spent one night in the shelter. He went home with her on Monday.

I still feel bad about not having him, but I am delighted he is in a loving one-cat home and my little one-eyed fellow is quite happy .

I cannot wait to add another one eventually, but I will let Jack have reign for awhile. 

Thansk for all the replies to this topic.


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## hypertweeky (Nov 25, 2007)

Julie that is fantastic!! I am so happy for you and Sam!! :yellbounce


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## melysion (Mar 12, 2007)

Dont beat yourself up. you did your best and kitty has a new home!!

[[[[hugs]]]]


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## Heather102180 (Nov 19, 2003)

Great news! Now you can rest assure that both kitties are happy in their homes thanks to you!


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

Happy endings make me


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

I'm just catching up to this thread, and was very sympathetic to everything you're saying. Your idea of attaching the letter to the new owners was _genius._ What an awesome shelter that they would include it with the paperwork. Having just adopted a cat that was labeled a "must be only" because it didn't get along with their other cat, I can't tell you how helpful it would have been to talk to that previous owner with a bunch of questions. It turned out fine because Murphy is an only cat with us (and sweet as pie), but man oh man, would I have loved to hear from the owner directly. That was really a great idea on your part.

And the fact that Sam got adopted 1 hour later .... unbelievable! If only someone had a crystal ball when you dropped him off, that would have made the return so much easier for you. What a happy ending!


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## Macky (May 26, 2008)

That is awesome! Sam found a home where everyone is comfortable. You know you took him at the perfect time. If you had waited Sam may have missed on the opportunity! Everything happens for a reason. From the way you described Sam, he certainly sounds like a cat that should be the only cat in the house. You did the right thing. And what a happy ending! 

I had a Boston Terrier that had one eye removed. We "pampered" the other eye, even bringing him to Cornell University every 3 months to keep the other eye healthy. One day my English Springer Spaniel ran through the room, jumped over my BT and scratched his eye. After days spent at Cornell they could not save his sight in that eye so he was totally blind. You absolutely did the best thing for all parties involved. I bet the lady who adopted Sam is thrilled too!


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

October said:


> Your idea of attaching the letter to the new owners was _genius._ What an awesome shelter that they would include it with the paperwork. !


Yes, I agree. Most won't. At least around here. They could have just taken the name off or something to shield identity. I included a health journal and rabies certificate when Tommy went back and I doubt they went any further than the shelter staff.


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