# Afraid to get another cat......



## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

I know....it sounds extremely childish of me but I am afraid to get another cat.

After Mena died I was a wreck. Now I feel much better and now that I got the apartment all cleaned and disinfected I was thinking about another cat in a month or so.

However I am scared. You got to understand that Mena was the first cat that was mine. I had her since I first moved out on my own....and I had to put her down....the one thing that I swore that I would NEVER DO.

I want another cat but am so scared of it. I am scared of going through this all over again.....yet I look with envy at the kittens that are being offered to me but turn away. I find myself wondering where I went wrong and if I get another cat if I should feed it wet food instead of always dry food ( It was ALWAYS Purina Cat Chow....hairball formula with Mena ).

Am I crazy or what?


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

Not crazy at all. When my dog Mini died it took me YEARS to get over it. I still dream about her many nights and miss her terribly.

I *KNOW* it's going to hurt just as bad when it's MowMows time. That's why I read and research and discuss on ways to improve his health and extend is life as long as possible. It's a huge comfort on here reading about the average lifespan of a cat being 15 and some live to MUCH older  I know I've got lots of years to enjoy his love.

Besides, think of all the good times and love you could have with a new cat. After a while the pain fades and you have those lovely memories.


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## my5kitties (Sep 13, 2005)

No, you're not crazy. Before I took Smokey in, we already had three cats. It was weird having four cats in the house, but we got used to it. Now that he's gone, and we're back to having three cats again, it feels _strange_ not having four cats. Smokey was FIV/FeLV+, so I knew my time with him would be short. But you know what? I'd do it again in a heartbeat. So many people want to automatically put down an FIV/FeLV+ kitty. Why? These kitties deserve to have a home with someone who loves them just like any other kitty. If I could, I'd go out right now and adopt another kitty. But since my ex-husband wasn't very thrilled when I brought Smokey in, he has put his foot down. No more cats. The three we have are enough. I wish he didn't feel that way because there is a hole in the house that needs to be filled. 

If you're still skeptical about getting another cat, don't get one right now. I know you want one, but I'd wait. Putting a cat (or any other pet) down is a part of being a pet owner. I didn't think I'd have to put my Smokey down so soon, but I did. Tomorrow will be two months since he's been gone. I would gladly give up my right arm if it meant that I could have my Shmoo back with me. 

As far as what to feed your potential new cat, feed it a high quality wet food. If you have to feed it dry food as well, go for one that doesn't have a lot of grain in it. Feeding your cat the best food possible is the best thing, however, there are cats that prefer the "junk" food.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. I'm sure Mena will show you the right kitty to get. *hugs*


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## Marshel (Dec 22, 2010)

Your not crazy at all.
My first cat came to me 6 weeks after I had to put my dog of 14 years down. I was a bonifide cat hater at the time. I looked out the window and saw this beautiful cat looking back at me. I satarted to feed it and eventually brought it into the house. I couldn't image life without him. Just before Christmas, I went to go outside and this cat, Onyx, was sitting on the step. I picked her up and brought her in. After 3 months, I am finally seeing light at teh end of the tunnel. She is going to be a real sweety.
When I first started to think about a second cat, I started visiting the local no-kill shelter. The have a catroom where all the cats are together. I would sit there and give the cats attention. One day a young kitten just wouldn't leave me alone. I left to do some deep thinking if I was ready for a 2nd cat. When I went back 3 days later she had already been adopted. 

I am a believer in fate. I would suggest you start visiting the local shelter and giving the cats your attention. One will eventually chose you and you will know it is time. Don't go there to get a cat, but to find one that choses you. It maybe the ugliest one in the room, but you will know it is ment to be. I hope this makes sense.


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## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

LOL!!! Yeah I am a firm believer in the "Let it chose you" method as well. Problem is....there is no shelter in my area and since I do not drive I am limited to what people can offer me.

Sometimes the vet clinic has some kittens brought in. Guess that will have to do when the time is right.


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## my5kitties (Sep 13, 2005)

Digikid said:


> LOL!!! Yeah I am a firm believer in the "Let it chose you" method as well. Problem is....there is no shelter in my area and since I do not drive I am limited to what people can offer me.
> 
> Sometimes the vet clinic has some kittens brought in. Guess that will have to do when the time is right.


Do you have any friends that could drive you to a shelter?


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## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

The nearest one I believe is 3 hours away.


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## saitenyo (Nov 28, 2010)

It's never easy to lose a pet. My pets are my friends, part of my family, and it's hurt every time I've lost one. But the way I see it, that moment of sadness is offset by the many years of joy they give us. That makes it all worthwhile.

You can't beat yourself up for any past mistakes or things you think you did wrong. You can only learn from them. Just think about all the wonderful things you did for Mena. You gave her a loving, comfortable home. Especially with cats, adopting one is giving them a chance at life, something many shelter cats don't get. And that in itself is special.

And when you feel ready and comfortable, I think getting another cat will help you with those feelings of loss, and help you realize that it really is all worth it.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

There are great cats on Craigslist. That's where I found Cinderella (purebred with papers, for free) and Cleo.


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## Maggie the Cat (Mar 13, 2011)

Do not be afraid to love again. Realistically, you will eventually lose the next cat, but the benefits in the meantime are so worth it. 

We put our longtime kitty to sleep this last fall. It was very hard to do. I was a sobbing mess from the time he left us. It sounds crass, but the only thing that could take my mind off the sadness was to cruise Petfinders to see if anyone caught my heart. Lo and behold, one kitten did. I wasn't even going to seriously think about another cat so soon, but seeing my grief my husband suggested that maybe it would be a good thing so I admitted I'd looked at what our shelter had to offer and found one cat that seemed to be "the one". I felt guilty even considering a new cat, like it was and attempt at replacing Oscar. Regardless, I did go to the shelter to see that kitten and it was love at first pet. I still tear up thinking of Oscar, or when I find something of his that was stuck under the bed or a tuft of his fur somewhere oscure, but having Maggie to love and knowing she needed us as much as we needed her has helped me through the sadness.


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## my5kitties (Sep 13, 2005)

Maggie is right. I think if I didn't have my other three cats, I'd be a royal mess. And my Star, who was Smokey's buddy, has seemed to have picked up some of his mannerisms. Star has always been a lap cat, and so was Smokey. But since Smokey's been gone, Star seems to be in my lap way more than he was before Smokey passed. Star used to sleep on the couch with me before Smokey passed, but now, he will sleep ON me...something that he hasn't done in ages, and something that Smokey would do. Star is also MUCH more affectionate than he was before Smokey died. About the only drawback I see to Star picking up Smokey's mannerisms is that Star doesn't play as much as he did when Smokey was here. A lot of that I attribute to Star being my comforter and me being his. Star was the only one of my three cats who wouldn't hiss or paw at Smokey if he got too close.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you'll know when you'll be ready for another cat. And I'm sure that maybe, just maybe, Mena will be part of this new cat. Maybe some of the new kitty's mannerisms, the way he/she will meow, the way he/she will **** his/her head... I am glad that Star has picked up Smokey's mannerisms. It helps me in my sorrow. While I don't have him with me physically, I have him here with me spiritually...in Star. And that is the greatest comfort I can ever hope for.


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## Maggie the Cat (Mar 13, 2011)

I wanted to add: When Oscar left, our home felt so empty, and my heart felt as empty. Adding new life by getting our kitten has helped fill up that emptiness so much. We'll never forget or stop loving Oscar, just as you won't your kitty, but adding new love helps fill the void.


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## Vivid Dawn (May 31, 2010)

DISCLAIMER: I am only giving my own beliefs and opinions. I am NOT saying you should do this! "To each their own" and all that 


People think I'm weird, for 2 reasons

I have decided that I will NOT hesitate at all to euthanize my cats if they need it. Key word... THEY! An injury that would result in chronic pain, or a sickness that would result in a low quality of life (even with treatment) of pain or constant/debilitating side effects, etc. Yes I love my cats, and would love to have them around as long as possible... but I'm not going to make them suffer just so I can keep them.

I would get another one relatively soon. Probably a week to arrange the house for the new cat. My old cat's stuff would be put in a keepsake box, and I would buy all new stuff for the new cat. But I just know that my house is going to feel empty with the loss, and that would drive me nuts. I have to have cats around.
Yes, I'd be mourning the loss of my previous cat - but on the other hand, it also gives another cat a chance of a good life...so many need to be adopted, that it would be a waste of space if I didn't open my home to one and have it stop waiting anymore.


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## Straysmommy (Dec 23, 2010)

I always think that Prince will survive me. I wouldn't be able to cope with the fear of losing him otherwise. I don't have any family left, my father died last month. The day my father went into the hospital, Prince followed me home, all 5 floors.

That said, I think it's better to have more than one cat. The pain of losing one can be mitigated by the satisfaction of having saved the life of another stray. 

I'm a worrier, and I very often anguish over whether I'm doing all the right things for Prince. I berate myself, especially now that he's stopped eating his raw food and won't touch it, preferring to starve if I don't give him kibble. I keep reminding myself that in spite of all the mistakes I may make, he is and always will be better off with me than alone, hungry, scared, cold and in danger in the streets as I found him. If you don't think about getting another cat but about saving a cat's life and giving them a chance at a sheltered life, then the perspective changes and it's easier to start all over again...


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## Coyote (Jan 16, 2011)

Humans live longer than cats or dogs, when you take in a pet, you know that you'll be guaranteed heartbreak in the future. And yet we still do it. Why? Because the years when we are with our animals are special. We learn through them, we give them a life they may not have otherwise. They have a patience and a trust that few humans have. 

Swearing not to put a pet down? Not an oath I could take, and don't feel bad about what you did. You didn't have your cat put down for the heck of it, or because she got in the way. You did that because you loved her, because you couldn't see her suffer. It's the hardest kindness. It's horrible. No one wants to put a beloved pet to sleep, but then no one wants to see a beloved pet in such difficulty. 

Mena was Mena. She will always be Mena. Adopting another doesn't mean that you love Mena less, but that you have a big enough heart for other cats too.


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## Marshel (Dec 22, 2010)

Digikid said:


> LOL!!! Yeah I am a firm believer in the "Let it chose you" method as well. Problem is....there is no shelter in my area and since I do not drive I am limited to what people can offer me.
> 
> Sometimes the vet clinic has some kittens brought in. Guess that will have to do when the time is right.


I just googled Ontario Animal Shelters and came up with several links. The one that looked most promising was 
Animal Shelters in Ontario
Don't know were in Ontario you are located. Hope one of them is close.


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## Kamie (Feb 12, 2011)

I know how you feel. Its been a month since my little Bob passed away and at first I said that there was no way that I would get another cat. I still have his momma and I would be happy with just her and when she finally goes, that would be it.

As time is going on, I have realised that at some point I would like to share my life with another kitty, there are so many reasons why to do it as opposed not to. I understand that I am not ready yet and am unlikely to be for sometime, but I guess that when its right, it will happen. For all the pain that I have suffered in the last month, I would never ever trade in the time that I had with my boy and would do it again in a heartbeat even knowing the sad outcome. I know that even though I will never be able to replace him, I will find a kitty who I can love just as much but have a different but equally special relationship with. You shouldn't denigh yourself that.

My advice would be to just take sometime, you will know yourself when and if its right for you. Chances are somewhere along the line, you wont even have to go and choose one, the one thats meant for you may just show up out of the blue. Kitties seem to have a funny knack of finding their people.


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## elcele (Mar 13, 2011)

Consider fostering for your local humane society.

You can give another kitty love and affection in honor of the friend you've lost until you're ready to make that permanent commitment again. Often times, foster homes allow organizations to save more animals from euthanasia, so by fostering, you'd be saving a life.

Do some good. If you happen to fall in love along the way, so be it.


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## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

Marshel said:


> I just googled Ontario Animal Shelters and came up with several links. The one that looked most promising was
> Animal Shelters in Ontario
> Don't know were in Ontario you are located. Hope one of them is close.


I forgot the power of GOOGLE! LOL!

Markdale, Ontario is the town I live in. It is in the Grey-Bruce area.


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## RuledByMiso (Aug 17, 2010)

Digikid said:


> I forgot the power of GOOGLE! LOL!
> 
> Markdale, Ontario is the town I live in. It is in the Grey-Bruce area.


What about the Grey Bruce Animal Shelter? 

Do you have access to public transit? When I first adopted cats, I didn't have a car either but was able to take the bus to visit local rescues and the local shelter. When I found a cat I wanted to adopt, I was able to get a friend to take me there to pick it up.

Ontario is a HUGE province, there has to be at least one local rescue close to you, if not more.


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## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

RuledByMiso said:


> What about the Grey Bruce Animal Shelter?
> 
> Do you have access to public transit? When I first adopted cats, I didn't have a car either but was able to take the bus to visit local rescues and the local shelter. When I found a cat I wanted to adopt, I was able to get a friend to take me there to pick it up.
> 
> Ontario is a HUGE province, there has to be at least one local rescue close to you, if not more.


Hmmm....I am surprised that place is still open. A few years ago I was told that it got shut down due to multiple bad investigations. Will have to think hard on that one.

As for public transport.....we do not have any. We are only a very small town.

I have talked to a friend of mine about visiting a pet store that we found in Hanover, Ontario. Heathers I think it is called.

One thing that I do want to do with my new kitty when I get it. I want to pamper it a little more. Planning on getting one of those very tall roof to floor climbing thingies......whatever they are called. Cats seem to really enjoy them. Put that next to a sunny window and it will be in paradise....hopefully. LOL!!!

A friend of mine commented on how my litter ALWAYS stank to high heaven......and I refuse to use scoopable littler since I was told by a vet that it is harmful to cats. He got this cat toilet thing called a Cat Genie. Expensive!!! However....considering it a wee bit....will see after I get my tax refund.

:?


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## RuledByMiso (Aug 17, 2010)

What about checking Kijiji? I know there are always cats and kittens on there looking for homes, and you may find one right in your town.

The tall cat things you're thinking of are either cat trees or large cat posts. I have a couple of them for my cats and they do absolutely love them. I have one that is tall and is all carpet, and one that is a bit shorter that is carpet and sisal string. They really seem to enjoy having the different types of scratching options.

I've never heard that clumping litter is bad for adult cats, but I have heard numerous times that clumping litter is bad for cats/kittens under 5 months old. But if you're opposed to the clumping clay litter, there are now a variety of types of clumping litter you can get, from recycled newspaper to pine to corn.


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## Ranogon (Dec 30, 2010)

Adopting a cat is SO very special, and they are so very thankful for what you have did for them, even if they seem scared and afraid for the first few days. When I adopted Duke, my first cat, he took to me really quickly and you could see how thankful he was not to be locked in those tiny cages they put them in... When I brought my Marley home, she was super shy (she still is a little bit.. only been about a week since I got her) but she's warming up and she can lounge wherever she wants, you can tell she loves it!. Adoption is very special, period!

As far as clumping litter goes, I've been using that since I've had Duke.. he doesn't mind and the new kitty doesn't mind.. I don't know why a vet would ever tell you a scoopable is harmful to a cat! Maybe because of the dust? There are several scoopable brands out there that do not leave a big smoke cloud after pouring! Clumping is so much easier to work with also.


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## Maggie the Cat (Mar 13, 2011)

I wonder why your litter stank? We use the rocky litter (either Tidy Cats or Fresh Step) and it never stinks. I change the whole box every 7 days (or sooner if it does begin to get smelly, but usually 7 days is fine). I've never heard anything about the clumping litter being bad either, I just prefer the rocky kind.


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## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

Was told that they could get it stuck to their fur, the lick it off and it would collect and grow in their systems.


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## Maggie the Cat (Mar 13, 2011)

Eww, I've never heard that but it sounds scary. Well, glad I use the rocky kind then


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## Olivers-Slave (Jul 25, 2010)

well any litter really gets stinky. it just depends on how often you clean it. I've found with 2 cats in a 2 bedroom apartment. I have to clean the litterbox 2x a day (once in the morning and once before bed) that way I am sure there is 0 smell. That is up to you though. I'd do it more often if I didn't have to walk down and up stairs to throw it out all the time lol. 

The key is cleaning it as often as necessary and not slacking. (they even have their own potty ROOM and everything lol. I guess I'm just nurotic like that)


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

It also depends what you're feeding. Low quality crummy food is going to produce very smelly stool.


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## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

I got her usually pretty high quality stuff. ALWAYS Purina Cat Chow.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

If you're interested in a cat and you're in Markdale, then perhaps you could check out the Grey Bruce Shelter or check out possibilities in or around Owen Sound, which would be only about 40 minutes away from you. There is the Owen Sound Animal Shelter, or you could check kijiji ads in the Owen Sound area. 

As an aside, Purina Cat Chow is a low-quality food, although I appreciate that in a small town such as yours, cat food options are likely limited. Ordering online might be a possibility.


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## RuledByMiso (Aug 17, 2010)

Digikid said:


> Was told that they could get it stuck to their fur, the lick it off and it would collect and grow in their systems.


This is what I've always been told about why it's dangerous for kittens, but not adults (not saying it's not dangerous, just that I was never told that). From my understanding, if kittens get it in their intestinal tract, since they are so small it would not take much litter to cause a blockage. But with the adult cats it usually (or is supposed to) pass through their systems easily without causing an issue.

I also wanted to add that if you're feeding Purina Cat Chow, that is most likely why your litter box smells. Purina Cat Chow is actually quite a low end product and cats tend to urinate and poop more if eating it, and their poop is usually much stinkier. You could check out some of the food threads on here for information about better quality cat foods.

Some of the higher end foods do tend to be a bit pricier and are not affordable for everyone, but don't be discouraged if you're on a tight budget. President's Choice actually makes a pretty good quality kibble for cats that is affordable called President's Choice Nutrition First. It still does have some filler, but in my opinion is better than other brands in the same price range. When I was laid off and was on a tight budget it is the food I fed my cats and was quite pleased with it.


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## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

Hmm.....well that does put me in a situation then....I am ina low budget job....The cat chow was all I could afford. We do have a pet market place in Markdale but there food is pricey. TO the tune of $25CDN a bag.


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## tigressbythetail (Dec 1, 2010)

Digikid said:


> Hmm.....well that does put me in a situation then....I am ina low budget job....The cat chow was all I could afford. We do have a pet market place in Markdale but there food is pricey. TO the tune of $25CDN a bag.


Not to worry. I've raised countless cats on Cat Chow without any ill affects that I could tell. I tend to feed better now because I can afford it but there was a time I couldn't. There would be more hungry cats if all that was available was the premium brands. 

On the other hand, if you have a Costco available in your area, their Kirkland brand cat food is high quality and it's a 25LB for about $15. First ingredients are chicken and chicken meal, and no grains! That's what I feed my gang for dry.


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## Maggie the Cat (Mar 13, 2011)

Digikid said:


> Hmm.....well that does put me in a situation then....I am ina low budget job....The cat chow was all I could afford. We do have a pet market place in Markdale but there food is pricey. TO the tune of $25CDN a bag.


It's off-topic, but I'm a cheap pet food person, too, you aren't the only one. I just cannot afford to buy the "good stuff". If I could, I certainly would as I'm sure it is higher quality and all, but I can't and my pets have all been fine. I don't buy off-brand ACME cat food, LOL, usually we get Purina or brands similar. I have had pricey food before, when my grandma gave me a big bag of fancy cat food from her vet's office when her kitty died, but I honestly didn't notice a difference in the scent of my cat's "output", LOL.


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## Sinatra-Butters (Aug 9, 2010)

I find that rescuing a cat and feeding them food with fillers is MUCH better than leaving another cat to die in a shelter. I don't think you should be too discouraged.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Sinatra-Butters said:


> I find that rescuing a cat and feeding them food with fillers is MUCH better than leaving another cat to die in a shelter. I don't think you should be too discouraged.


Agreed. You can only do the best you can do. Lots of love and attention, lack of stress...these are all just as important to a cat's health as the perfect diet.


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## RuledByMiso (Aug 17, 2010)

Digikid said:


> Hmm.....well that does put me in a situation then....I am ina low budget job....The cat chow was all I could afford. We do have a pet market place in Markdale but there food is pricey. TO the tune of $25CDN a bag.


If you can get to a Superstore (or whatever the Loblaws grocery stores are called in Ontario), that is where you can buy the President's Choice food. I think it is right around the same price as the Cat Chow.

Another poster mentioned the Kirkland cat food from Costco, that is also a good option. Low priced and a higher quality than the Cat Chow, but I know from experience that shopping at Costco when you don't have a car can be near impossible.

If either of those options aren't feasible and Cat Chow is the only food feasible within your budget, then by all means get the Cat Chow. As others have said, I'm sure if you asked a cat, they'd choose Cat Chow over being homeless.

Good luck with your search for a kitty!


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## Janis (Aug 26, 2010)

We lost Midnight, my heartkitty, in Feb 2010, and in late March or April 2010 I got Lucky. We went to a shelter but a tnr gal sitting at at the shelter being ignored by staff, had in her big gloves a small but dead ringer for our Midnight. She let us take him just to promise to neuter him & call her if we changed our minds. He's been a challenge as a feral, with me really dumb, but I would do it again. He loves us so much he doesn't even appear to want out! He'll never, never take Midnight's place, but I so glad I have him.


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## Digikid (Feb 27, 2011)

Sorry....was away for a while there.

Still a little nervous but decided to get another cat within the next few weeks.....I feel that I am ready and although the thought of it hurts a little....it does not hurt enough for me to cry anymore.


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