# Lucy



## LucyGyrl (Sep 29, 2008)

I had to put my black cat Lucy to sleep on Tuesday, September 23rd. I had her for 10 years and she was my baby. It happened so quickly. She was perfectly fine and then slept a lot on Sunday but sometimes she does that so I didn't think anything of it. On Monday my friends took her to the vet while I was at work because she did look sick. I thought everything was going to be okay until I got a phone call with the results. She had a rare form of diabetes that is hard to detect/ cats can "mask" it well. She also had kidney problems. They said they could try to keep her for a few days and try to treat her but in all honesty, they didn't think she would respond and we might consider euthanasia. My friends brought Lucy home that day and I left work so that I could spend one last day with her and take her back in the following day. She looked so weak, you could see in her eyes that she was almost gone. I felt selfish for wanting to spend one last night with her and hoped that she wouldn't die in the middle of the night. This has been the hardest thing I ever had to do or go through. That night she wouldn’t eat, she tried to drink water but was having the hardest time, most of the time she would just give up and lay her head in the water. We put some water in a lid so that it would be easier for her to drink, which she did. She went into her litter box and I thought that was a good sign but she would lay down in it as if to go to sleep, or maybe she didn’t have enough energy, I’m not sure. But it broke my heart to see her do that. We tried to make her as comfortable as possible and at one point when I turned to look at her again, my heart stopped because I thought she had died. I felt horrible at that point that I wanted to spend one last night with her but I also wanted to make sure that she wasn’t going to make some sort of miraculous recovery before I made the final decision for her. 

I didn't really want to go to the vet on Tuesday because I don't handle death very well and I felt so much guilt and pain. I felt like part of my heart and soul had been ripped out. But I also didn't want to have any regrets so I went to the vet with her. Three family members came with me. They let us all go into a room with Lucy and I held her, pet her favorite spots, kissed her, tried not to cry too much in front of her. I didn’t really want to be in the room nor did I want to hold her while they gave her the shot but I didn’t want to leave her side and I couldn’t hand her off to someone else because I didn’t want to let her go. My baby died in my arms that day. 

Finding this message board has been helpful, even though I only read the poem “If It Should Be” and watched “Animation- Over the Rainbow Bridge” so far. It gave me hope that one day I’ll see her again. The message board also gives me support to grieve and to get through this difficult time because some of my friends and family don’t seem to understand my pain. I’ve heard, “she was old,” “life goes on,” “it’s better this way since she’s sick,” and other statements that I perceive to mean that Lucy was just a cat, not a person and I shouldn’t take my loss so hard.


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## Fran (Jan 9, 2008)

Welcome to the forum, and deepest condolences on the loss of your dear Lucy. You did the right thing for her, being with her and holding her until the end, and I am sure she knew you were there for her 100%... 

Fran


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## LucyGyrl (Sep 29, 2008)

Thank you Fran. I appreciate your post. 

I just got home from work and Lucy's ashes were waiting for me. I stopped by the mailbox and surprisingly received the Egyptian urn I ordered last week. We also got a flower arrangement for her. I didn't know I was going to be so emotional today but seeing her remains broke my heart. Then I had problems fitting it in the urn I bought that I thought would be big enough. Everything ended up being okay. I want to have a service for her, maybe it will help with the grieving process.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

How awful that it happened so fast, but how wonderful that you had a little bit of extra time and that you were the person with her at the end, so she was in loving arms.


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## katlover13 (Apr 15, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Lucy. I still miss my Tucker who passed away last May in my arms. Lucy sounds like she was such a special cat to you and when it is sudden it is such a shock. It is so easy to start doubting whether you should have make that decision or not, especially when it comes so suddenly. Please don't let that happen to you. There is a time when it is just kinder to let go. Gentle bridge vibes to Lucy.


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## gabbyzmommy (Jul 20, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's like everone else says. It was better that you could be there for her and hold her as she passed. Welcome to the forum. Many good vibes coming your way and big **HUGS**


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## LilRed (Jul 16, 2008)

I am so so sorry. You did do the right thing by staying with her. I know it was incredibly hard for you but I am sure she was comforted by having you near her. And I don't blame you for wanting that last night too. I know you really wanted a lifetime. A service might be good and help with the grieving. Do what you feel is best for you and Lucy and don't worry about the fools who don't understand. They haven't been lucky enough to love & be loved by an animal or they would know how painful it is to leave them. Some folks I'm sure just don't know what to say or say things hoping to ease your pain and it just comes out wrong. I hope time eases your pain and you are blessed with another cat when you are ready.


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## Donaldjr1969 (Feb 8, 2005)

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I had to watch my Poopsie go through the same type of sudden deterioration from renal shutdown. I miss her dearly but was so thankful for the 10 years she was in my life. Had mom not found her for me, she would have gone to a home with close to 30 cats, I am told. Poopsie deserved better and I was able to deliver. I had made the decision to have her put down as I knew she would not live out the day. I called off work because I could never have forgiven myself if I was not around during her last moments. But Poopsie crossed the Bridge 30 minutes before the vet opened. At least I was thankful that she died in familiar surroundings.

I get SO UPSET and downright peeved when people say it's just a cat. I generally tend to respond with the following when they say "can't you just let her go?" "Not on your life, which I would gladly sacrifice by the way, to bring my Poopsie back." My point has been made in that I love my cats more than I do most of the population.

You found CatForum under the same circumstances I did. In 2005, I found an injured cat out in the snow at a park. I feel it had a broken neck as its head was stuck in a storm drain grate. I got him out and saw he was in pain and could not hold its head up. Determined to try to save him, I put him in my car and was going to take him to the vet. Alas, he crossed the Bridge halfway home. But during the ride in my warm car, his breathing became more regular and he was obviously getting comfortable. I gave him love and warmth in his last 30 minutes rather than have him die cold and alone. And thaty is how I found CatForum. I needed to talk about it because I felt I failed this cat. What if I got back to my car sooner? But I did not fail him at all since I gave him 30 minutes of love and comfort. And what really hurt the most was that he was declawed. So you know he was somebody's pet. I never could locate the owners though.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

God bless you and help you through this very difficult time. I have tears in my eyes, because a beloved cat I had died of renal failure some years ago, and I will never forget his last few days. It is so hard to make the decision we know is right. I had my Blacky for 16 years, but I still couldn't face the loss. You will never forget your dear little friend, but he is purring in the arms of an angel, and he is surrounded by love. You will see him again. I wish you peace.


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## LucyGyrl (Sep 29, 2008)

I want to thank each and every one who replied to my post from the bottom of my heart. You're all so wonderful and I feel like I'm not alone and that others do see how important our pets are to us. They aren't just "pets," they are our family, our best friends, and our loved ones. I have been given the best advice, the best comfort, and a feeling of warmth & love from all of you (for not only myself but for Lucy). It means a lot because even though you guys don't know me personally, you have shown me more love, sympathy, & empathy than what some of my family & friends that do know me have shown in this very difficult time in my life. And although I do not know any of you personally, I feel a connection- I guess that's how it is when we all love our little ones.


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