# How do I change this?



## VVStephanie (Apr 5, 2014)

Hi all!

I know that no one can really answer questions about your own personal loss, but I also know how it can be revealing in our own journey to get other peoples insight or own personal experiences.

For 10 years now, I have refused to bring another kitty into my heart. I lost all 3 of my kitties and the knowledge and pain of that loss stops me from ever getting another one.

How do you deal with this? This pain doesn't stop me from loving them, and all animals, and having feelings of wonderment and laughing and being able to feel the warmth that a cats existence brings.

But to knowingly put myself in that same situation again... this is where I am stuck. And I desperately want a kitty. But I just can't intentionally make myself feel that bad again.

Do you understand and is there anyone who's felt like this and had it change?

Thanks for all responses. As I said, I know that no one can walk this journey for me, but hearing your experience might make it easier for me to understand my own.

VVS


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## tghsmith (Dec 9, 2010)

as you said its a journey, the destination is known ahead of time, but we never know how the trip will transpire.. each new one gets the lecture "one day, not of your own doing you will break my heart, but you will have have made my heart stronger througthout the time together that the damage incurred while painfull is well worth the price" my latest "loss" has been a little tougher due to the more than normal invested, but if it wasn't for the others around it would be much worse.. don't dwell on what has been lost, remember what was gained, look to what can be givin..


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

I guess you focus on the happier times. A hard lesson to learn for me was that death is a part of life. If you are born, you are going to die. It's so easy to say to live life to the fullest each day but in reality it makes sense. Those kitties had a life no matter how short or long. You loved them. That enriched your life. If it is not convenient or the right time for you to take on the responsibility that is one thing. But if you are afraid of pain, well there will be some pain in life. There will be joy too and that is what you focus on.


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## Heather72754 (Nov 1, 2013)

I adopted fairly soon after losing my love-of-my-life cat, but it was specifically _because_ he was so loving and hurt so much to lose that I felt like to honor his huge capacity for love I needed to pass that love on to another furbaby in need of a forever home. My heart still hurts so much for my Velcro guy, but my new babies are sweet and distracting and I love them a lot. And I know my Punky is looking on from the Rainbow Bridge with approval. :luv


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

When I lost my Mini after 16 years(my dog) I couldn't even think of another dog. It took years before I got a dog from a breeder and it was a gift for my husband's birthday. I never connected with another dog. 

Instead, I got a cat. I was NOT a cat person and had never had them. I figured it would be a pet and I would never get attached like I could to a dog. WRONG. I'm just as in love with my MowMow as I was with Mini and I adore my 'little kitten' Shepherd Book.

You could try a small dog. Either way, take the leap. You'll be glad you did!


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## Heather72754 (Nov 1, 2013)

MowMow said:


> I figured it would be a pet and I would never get attached like I could to a dog. WRONG.


This is exactly how I came to get Punky, who turned out to be my heart kitty. I had lost my beloved 16 yr. old shepherd/collie cross and vowed to never have another dog - which I haven't - and figured I'd just get something soft and furry to have around the house that wouldn't be so devastating to lose. Wow, was I wrong. He wasted no time in stealing my heart.


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## cat owner again (Dec 14, 2012)

I guess I will add that my little dog's health was failing when I rescued these cats. I really didn't want cats or appreciate them. My dog died and one of the cats is so sweet and shows me so much affection. She is laying in his spot on the sofa with me now. It helped even though there is pain. I still miss him a lot but I still think God sent me the cats so I wouldn't be alone through the pain.


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## zuma (Nov 5, 2009)

I was devastated when Ginny passed away. I was crying for months and I too vowed to never do this to myself ever again. I thought why get another pet only to go through that again. 
About three years later Leelu came along and truth be told I wasn't sure. I would have never wanted a cat that looks or behaves exactly like Ginny and Leelu is completely different, in looks, build and character. I didn't bond right away and I think my heart was still healing, in fact I still cry thinking about Ginny, but I adore Leelu. It's different and it's not, hard to explain. I know that the heartache will be horrible again, but she gives me so much every single day that I accept the fact that it will devastate me again. It's the old 'would you rather love and lose it or never love at all?'. When we lose it and our heart is aching most of us would probably choose never, but thinking about seriously I think most would choose love, even if it doesn't last forever. 


Sent from Petguide.com App


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## VVStephanie (Apr 5, 2014)

You are all very wonderful to answer. It is truly a dilemma for me. I completely understand grief and loss in how un-understandable it is and how unique it is and I have come to the place with my loss, both of the furry and non-furry kind, that I would suffer even more pain than I do to have had the opportunity of loving them like I did.

As in, given a choice of no pain and never having had the relationship or this pain and having the relationship, I choose the pain.

But I just haven't seemed to be able to reconcile with my broken heart the notion of 'intentionally' setting myself up for it.

But I will re-read your words because I believe that when someone starts actively looking for an answer, it will be there, so I believe I will start to discern it through this process.

Thank you


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