# When does the pain go away?



## bivlop (May 30, 2011)

It has been 8 months since I lost my beloved Kato. I miss him terribly. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, missing his conversations and his kisses and cuddles. I loved that cat so much. I do have 2 other cats, had them since they were kittens with Kato. The bond just isn't there, although I am trying very hard. Kato was very possessive of me, and we had a special relationship. I love cats and I want so badly to bond with these 2. Is it because I want it so badly that they want very little to do with me? Or is it because I am still hurting so bad? Or is it just their personality? I know all cats are different - perhaps I had my one in a lifetime cat? I have had cats all my life - this is the first time I haven't been able to bond.


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## BT1 (May 11, 2010)

Whenever I lost my first soul-kitty, it took me a long time to find a bond with any other animal. Actually, it took approximately 5 years. During that time I would find cats and brings them home and nurse them to health. I'd have dogs, birds, hamsters, etc., but I never had that same bond that I had with my first cat. With Finnick I'm learning what it's like to have that bond again (although ours is still building). 

I'm sure your cats still feel that you are grieving and may be trying to give you space. I'm not sure about the personality. Only you can tell that. Have they always been like this or is it recent? They may be grieving too, as they did lose a friend and companion.


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## Valentine's Heart (Mar 18, 2011)

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm having somewhat the same problem. I lost my special cat last December. I don't know whether I'll ever have a bond like that again. He literally wanted to be with me 24/7. I miss him the most at night. He'd always jump up and snuggle next to me at night. If I went outside he would sit at the door and wait for me to come back in. I'm slowly learning to appreciate my other cats and they are beginning to come around. I think you always have to remember that relationship, but also be willing to let it go and accept the others for who they are. At this point, I'm so grateful that I had that relationship. I too have had cats all my life, but I may never have one like I had with my Valentine. I knew your grief.


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

All the cats I've had a very close what I call "soul bond" were ones I raised myself. I was breeding and showing for many years and ones that were bought as breeders for their bloodlines, health and personality, I chose them, they didn't choose me, and I never had that soul connection with them. It is possible to find it again, even if you don't raise a kitten yourself. When you're ready for another kitty, let the kitten choose you. Visit it several times and see if the reaction is the same each time and not just a one time thing. I'm sure you'll find a another soul kitty. Sometimes it happens a cat finds you....an orphaned stray kitten or cat. It's possible as _Braxen_ says that the other two may still be grieving as well, though I would think not so likely at 8 months after Kato has passed on. Not all cats are as cuddly or affectionate as one would like, it may be their personality or not being handled enough as young kittens, or perhaps they were ferals or strays when they were young and learned to be independent. I'm sorry for your loss of Kato, but believe that a love is never lost and that some day you will be reunited with him.


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

I lost my beloved Samantha last month, she was my best friend for 15 1/2 years and I've been devastated, I got her when I lost my previous soul kitty Meme .
I bought Samantha because she was absolutely gorgeous and I fell in love with her, she didn't return my affection at first, it took a while for her to come to love me and even longer for us to bond.
Meme adored me and would sit in my lap for hours, once I accepted that Samantha wasn't Meme and accepted her for the cat she was not the cat I wanted her to be did we really start to bond.
Now it's just me and Little Chiquita, she was my ex's cat, when we split up she left her cat behind like her kitchen-aid mixer.
I provided Chiquita with a loving home but I loved Samantha more, they didn't get along very well which was sad but since Samantha's death Chiquita has been a blessing to me and a great comfort.
Can she replace Samantha in my heart? No, but she can make her own place if I let her.
None of this was her fault it's just life, now I'm giving her all the attention and she's shining.
There will always be holes in my heart where Meme and Samantha lived and I cherish the memories of the good times we had together and the hope that we may be reunited on the other side.


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## bivlop (May 30, 2011)

Thank you for the kind replies. It's nice to have a place to talk where others have experienced the same pain. I know I am lucky to have experienced the relationship we had, but I miss him so much. I expect the time will come when I can think about him without crying, but I am not there yet. Thanks to everyone for the support. I hope I can write about bonding with the other kitties soon.


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## konstargirl (Feb 4, 2011)

Aw! I'm so sorry to hear. When I lost gary, it took me a while too whether I should get another snail. It took me a while to figure it out and then I got sunshine. Now sunshine passed an d I don't know if I want to keep snails anymore.


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## Miss Callie Kitty (Jun 12, 2011)

When Marco Polo was wrenched out of my life I thought I would never smile again...my heart broke.

One day ....about a year later...I was walking by a tree and remembered how Marco would run up the tree onto a hanging limb and pat my head as I went by...and I smiled at the memory......it was then I knew I was starting to heal

We all grieve for as long as we need...and then one day...that grief turns into loving memories

((((HUGS))))


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