# Justin is gone



## shlanon (Oct 16, 2003)

As a warning, this is going to be a very sad and possibly upsetting post.

We went to the emergency clinic to pick up Justin and spoke with the vet and had plans to transfer him to my vet and later, to the cardiologist. But instead of bringing him to us in his carrier, they called us back. Once they took him out of the oxygen, within a few minutes he was having trouble breathing. He was gasping and struggling to get away. I knew then what would happen. My husband asked what else we could do for him and the vet said it was time to talk about euthenasia. He was gasping and threw up and I asked if there was nothing more than could do and the vet said no. I couldn't stand to see him in pain like that so they injected the meds as I told him that his mommy loved him. We got to pet him and tell him goodbye and I clipped a tiny bit of hair to take with us to place with his ashes. We decided to get him cremated because if we buried him our backyard we were worried about the fact that we will eventually move.

It all happened so fast I didn't really have to time to process it or remember it exactly. I hate that his last moments were in pain like that and that he had so much testing done yesterday that was uncomfortable, but if I hadn't given him every chance I know I would have regretted it. I do know that last night he looked comfortable in his oxygen cage and he was on morphine. They said he wanted to sit in his litterbox so they put the t-shirt that smelled like my husband that I had brought in there with him. They said he just cuddled up in that shirt all night. 

David and I are devastated. My family had outdoor cats when I grew up, but this is the first pet I've lost that is mine. It hurts so much to know I will never get to hold him or pet him again. Everywhere I look I see reminders of him and our previously two cat household. So far Stormy doesn't seem to be bothered by his absense.

I know logically that it won't always hurt this much, but right now it feels so unbearable. I have so many regrets that I should have spent more time with him, taken more pictures, been kinder and more patient. I'd give anything to have him peeing outside the litterbox, meowing and not leaving me alone and sneaking into the bedroom where he's not supposed to go. I feel so guilty. I just hope he knew how loved he was. 

I never thought he would die so young. I thought for sure with my indoor kitties that they'd both live to ripe old ages and our kids would grow up knowing them. Right now it's hard to even pet Stormy because it makes me think about Justin and how I'll never feel his fur again.

I'm just aching inside. Those of you who lost pets, how do you get through this?

Here is the last picture taken of my boy, a few weeks ago by my husband. He was cuddling with my shoes. We had finally got a new camera that captured their eyes (old one didn't do well). And now this the last one we'll ever have.


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## Fran (Jan 9, 2008)

....I am so sorry for your loss! Rest in peace, Justin!

It is hard not to feel regrets, but from here it seems clear that you were ready to do anything for him, you had the best and most knowledgeable medical help you could get, and that they were kind and caring. 

Fran


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

I am so sorry.
You will get through this, even when you think your heart won't be able to contain all that pain. I have lost many cats and I have lived to tell about it and love even more cats. It takes time. This was a very sudden loss, with very little time to prepare yourself for the loss, and I feel this will make it more difficult to bear. Feel what you need to feel. I am CERTAIN Justin knew he was loved. You tried everything you could to help him stay with you, but sometimes their precious little bodies just can't do it and we have to let them go.
Hugs and purrs to you for being able to let him go when he needed to.
Heidi =^..^=


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

I'm so, so sorry. It was just a while ago I was responding to your first post about all the tests and his condition. 

The way you describe what you're feeling now sounds exactly like what I went through last year with my first cat ever, Rookie, who died at age 3. You're numb, you're so upset you can't think straight, you second-guess yourself, everything seems like a blur. I couldn't even tell anyone about it for over a week, because I knew I couldn't tell it without crying. I remember asking another member about the grief process and how long these things take and getting some good advice. All I know is, it takes time. Even now the grief for her is right at the surface, so while I'm normal otherwise, all it takes is a reminder, a memory, or something reminiscent of her to get me going again. I think it just takes time.

I just tell myself -- it's not their fault their lifespan is shorter than ours. We bear the burden of being the grievers (which, I'm convinced, is far harder than being the one that dies), because chances are very good we'll out-live them. What's the alternative, never have a cat in your life? Can you really spare a cat from a good home just because they have the biological misfortune of having shorter lifespans than we do? I think we're doing the honorable thing. We're opening our homes and hearts to animals who need us, and we'll eventually have to endure their loss.

One thing I did when Rookie died was to print all the pages of condolences I got from people here on the Forum. It's nice to know I have a written record of so many people who understand the loss.


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

Bless your heart, Shannon. I've been there too, and it's heartbreaking. Justin was so very beautiful and he won over your heart. He'll always be in your heart. I pray that your pain will be eased. Knowing how loving our Heavenly Father is, I think Justin is with Him, happy and healthy. God bless.


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## OwnedByACat (Jan 11, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss! RIP little one! :angel


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Geri! Tissues! Where are the tissues! 
That has to be the sweetest poem, very striking with images of Shannon and Justin. Beautiful.


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## my5kitties (Sep 13, 2005)

Heidi n Q said:


> Geri! Tissues! Where are the tissues!
> That has to be the sweetest poem, very striking with images of Shannon and Justin. Beautiful.


Heidi, when you're done with the tissues, would you pass them over to me?

Geri, that has to be the sweetest, most kindest thing I've seen done on the Cat Forum in the 3 years and 4 months I've been here.


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## 2kids3cats4me (Jan 6, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss, Shannon. I'm so terrible at these things and don't know what else to say. Take comfort in knowing Justin feels great now. atback 

Geri, that is a beautiful poem. Thankfully I had a box of Kleenex sitting right here.


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## Chattycat (Nov 25, 2006)

I am sooo sorry for your loss.  Your Justin was such a sweet baby. I have never seen such a bright pair of eyes. Take comfort that you gave him the gift of freedom from his pain. Try to be thankful that you were there to say goodbye and comfort him to the end. He was very blessed to have had you as his best friend.


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## shlanon (Oct 16, 2003)

Thank you all so much.

Geri, that was so incredibly sweet of you to make that for me. It makes me cry and I'm so very touched that you would do that for me. I will print it out and it will go with Justin's things and/or in a scrapbook I make. We haven't talked it out yet what we will do with his ashes and memorial.

It's so heartbreaking in so many little ways. I think it's going to take a long time for this to not feel so very painful. Even simple little things like having to wash Stormy's bowl out because Justin is not here to lick it clean for her. There are so many reminders, that the sadness feels so overwhelming.

I am doing my best to trust that he knew how much we love him.


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## catnip (Aug 19, 2003)

:sad 

so sorry. Yes, most of us have been through this more than once but every time I see a post like this it all comes back and my heart breaks all over again.


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## melysion (Mar 12, 2007)

so sorry for your loss


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## Lori (Jun 8, 2003)

I am so very sorry about Justin.


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## OwnedByACat (Jan 11, 2008)

You are very welcome, Shannon! I made it, hoping it would make you feel even just a little bit better. The poem just seemed to "fit" the moment. 

((((HUGS!)))) atback


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

I'm so sorry it ended this way Shannon. I know he was well loved for his short life, he couldn't have asked for better. 

I'm going to move this to Rainbow Bridge for you...


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## Leazie (Apr 14, 2007)

Shannon, I am so sorry that Justin is gone. I have no doubt that he knew he was very loved- you can see in his pictures that he was content and happy.

(((HUGS))) to you.


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## katlover13 (Apr 15, 2008)

Shannon, I am so sorry that you lost your beautiful Justin. He looks like he was such a happy cat. The time we have them is never long enough and it is even more difficult when it is sudden and they are still young. It makes you just want to scream that it's not fair. In the end we can only do what we feel is best for them and I know that is just what you did. He was lucky to be your beloved little kitty.


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## gunterkat (Aug 19, 2006)

I'm so very sorry you lost Justin, Shannon. atback


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## camel24j (Jan 12, 2007)

i am so sorry


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## LilRed (Jul 16, 2008)

I'm so sorry, Shannon. I understand how horribly painful it can be and how many little things you miss or that remind you of your fella. You have my sympathies. He sure was beautiful. He's probably running around acting a fool at the bridge now with lots of new friends. But I'm sure he wants you, your husband & Stormy to take care of yourselves & be strong. He knows you loved him. I'm sure he never had any doubt.


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## Heather102180 (Nov 19, 2003)

atback I'm so sorry Shannon. You did everything for Justin though and he knows that and I'm sure he's very grateful to you and your husband for him being able to rest in peace now.

There is no easy way to get rid of the pain right now. When I went through this with Oliver, it was so hard to even look at pictures of him...I felt so bad. But one day I woke up and just wanted to print pictures and frame them because suddley looking at the pictures made me _happy _instead of _sad_. You'll get there. It just takes time. Just cry it out...it's perfectly normal. 

I think of the day that I get to see Oliver and Delia again in heaven and it makes me so happy to know that someday I will see them again...it may be awhile, but just know, you'll see Justin again someday. I also think their spirits come back and watch over us when we sleep at night.

Hang in there, Shannon. Grieving right now is totally normal...after a couple weeks go by, it'll get a tad easier each day. atback


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## shlanon (Oct 16, 2003)

Thank you all so much. I am still having a very tough time but I keep reminding myself that it has only been 2 days and it was very sudden. So I can't really expect myself to feel much better. 

It's hard because I am really not hungry and can't sleep well. But I know I have to take care of myself. It just feels like all the joy has been sucked out of my life. I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but I can't enjoy any of it right now.

My mind is kind of all over the place, I think I will be around here a lot trying to sort it all out.

Thank you for all your kind words and your understanding.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Your memories of the funny, goofy Justin will help. atback


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## gwdprincess (Feb 7, 2006)

atback What a beautiful cat, so sorry for loss.


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