# my beautiful Margaux



## spirite

I'm so sorry my little Margaux baby. I don't know what happened last night. I knew you hadn't been feeling well for a while, but I thought we'd have another year together. You were in your bed sleeping when I left for dinner. I know you were still with me then, but when I came back 3 hours later, although you were still in your little bed, you were asleep forever. 

Will you forgive me for not being here? Will you forgive me for not knowing that you were so close to leaving? If I had had any idea, I would never have left you alone. You know that, right? Were you trying to tell me that it was time, or that you were feeling miserable and that I should have rushed you to the vet right then? Did I miss your hints over the past week because I too busy? Was it out of sheer sadness that you died, because before we left for dinner, mommy and her friend were paying attention to Celia and not you? We thought you were sleeping, but maybe you just had your eyes closed but were listening to us with a broken heart. 

More than anything in the world, I hope your last thought wasn't that I love Celia any more than I love you. That would just kill me Margaux. Mommy loved you so much, and she will always love you. I think you know that, but maybe you wanted so much for me to give you one last little kiss, the way mommy often did before she had to go out.

It took me a few minutes to go see you. You didn't wake up to come greet me. No matter how sleepy you were, you always woke up when mommy came home. You didn't come silently padding into the kitchen to stand right beside me, so I went to see what you were doing. You were in your bed, but your head was tilted over the side in such a funny way. I scooped you up and I knew, but you still felt warm, and I thought just maybe, something could be done to bring you back to me. 

I hope you felt me stroking you, kissing your soft little head. It can't make up for what mommy didn't do for you. I can't ever make up for the times I got mad at you, for the times I was too busy to give you those chin scratches and those ear rubs that you loved so much. I couldn't bring back your sight after you went blind. I didn't realize then either, until it was too late, that something was wrong. You were so brave to adjust to a world that was entirely dark to you. I can't imagine what it was like for you to slowly not be able to see anymore, and to not know what was going on. 

You were so brave, and you were so patient with mommy Margaux, even when mommy wasn't always patient with you. 

Mommy is sending you chin scratches, cheek scratches, and ear rubs. I will send them to you every day, but I wish so, so much that you were here with me to enjoy them.

Goodbye my beautiful little Margaux bunny. I love you.


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## 10cats2dogs

OMG Patty...:'(
I'm balling my eyes out reading this...
I'm heartbroken for you...
But please, please don't blame yourself...
Margaux KNEW she was loved by you...
She choose her time, and it sounds like it was a peaceful one...

Hind sight, is always 20/20...and I think there are many of us that can, and do relate to that...I know I sure can...
I just don't know what else to say at the moment...
HUGE (((HUGS))) for you across the miles...
Sharon


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## jking

Patty, I am so very sorry. I know how much it hurts and I am crying with you. 

Please don't blame yourself. You are a wonderful cat mom.


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## Artiesmom1

Ohhhhh--
I feel so sad reading this--tears in my eyes,,,
I do not know what to say..

(((hugs))))):heart:heart:heart:heart:heart

so sad...


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## Mochas Mommy

I am crying along with you on this Day of Tears. I am so sorry that Margaux has crossed to the Bridge. I know how torn your heart is right now....how much guilt you are feeling...and how lonely your home feels. I also know it will take time for your heart to begin to heal...for you to remember all the good times with your beloved Margaux...but they will come...trust me. Margaux knew she was so fortunate to have you in her life and she gave you all her love all these years. She loved you and she will always be in your heart. Watch for her first rainbow from the Bridge. I've been talking to my Mocha all day today...and I shall ask her to look for your Margaux and help her transition to life at the Bridge. I am so sorry Patty....so very sorry....


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## howsefrau32

In tears reading this. I am so sorry. I have no doubt that Margaux knew that you loved her and that you didn't love Celia more than her. She knew you loved her. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## zuma

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm crying right along with you. She knew you loved her, rest in peace sweet girl.


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## Speechie

Honey, I am so very sorry for your loss,...I too am sitting and weeping for you. 
Dear friend, don't blame yourself...from my work I see that some people wait until their loved ones leave their side - and once they are alone, they finally let go and die. Others hold on until that one child is by their side. 
Your beloved kitty may have chosen to have a private death. Open your heart to that possibility and trust that your sweet kitty knew how very loved she was! You are an amazing cat mama.
Gentle hugs and love to you. Holding your hand from afar


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## jking

*Thinking of you*

You gave Margaux a wonderful home, and so much love. She knew how much she was loved and she will always be with you. Sending you thoughts and prayers.

Judy


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## cat owner again

Oh I am so sorry. It must have been such a shock. I did rush one of my cats to the vets and she died there in the middle of the night. Margaux died peacefully in her bed. And kindness and love is shown all during life, she knew you loved her and took care of her. Margaux RIP sweet girl.


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## G-PEG123

Oh, I'm so sad for you. Your kitty was sure of your love. I know how hard it is from my own experiences. Thinking of you.


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## meggie

So sorry for your loss. I'm sure she knew she was loved.


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## radtech

I'm so sorry you loss your little baby kitty. It sounds like she went very peacefully. You were a good mama.


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## DeafDogs&Cat

Oh God Spirite what a shock. I'm in tears here for you. I am not good with words, but just know we're thinking of you. Be kind to yourself, it's not your fault. She might have just chosen to spare you from being there. 

Run Free Margaux


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## Mandy and Ellie

Oh my goodness, Spirite... I am balling my eyes out reading this. I so wish you could've been there with Margaux as she passed so you didn't feel any guilt. PLEASE, please don't beat yourself up. Margaux passed away peacefully, in the comfort of her home that she so adored... with nothing but happy memories of you. I have no doubt she knew how much she was adored. 

Please understand that most cats leave to die if they can... they don't _want_ to be near their people... they usually want to be alone. Margaux probably knew it was time, and chose to let go when you weren't home. 

I'm not going to lie, I am sitting here sobbing for you because I know the awful pain and the feelings of guilt. I just hope you know that Margaux knew how much you loved her, and she was able to pass away peacefully in her home... the way she, and any pet would want. Her body may have passed on when you got home, but there's no doubt in my mind that her spirit was present as you pet her and kiss her head.

Margaux is peaceful, playful, happy, healthy, and has her sight on the Rainbow Bridge. A huge virtual hug is coming from me right now... I am sending you so many positive thoughts, Spirite. You are such an incredible cat parent, and Margaux was so lucky to be able to live an incredible life with you, and end it on her own terms in the comfort of her home. Rest in peace, beautiful Margaux...

Mandy


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## Greenport ferals

So sad, I am heartbroken for you. We have all been where you are. Margaux sounds like such a brave, sweet girl.


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## TabbCatt

Oh, Spirite. I'm just in utter shock and my heart goes out to you. I've read your post over and over, and it's starting to sink in...I'm in tears as well.

I definitely know that Margaux was well loved, cared, and cherished. You were and still are an amazing kitty guardian, your words alone through your posts always revealed your patience, kindness, and empathy, so I'm very sure all your feelings were conveyed to Margaux just by your voice, behavior, and mannerism. Please don't ever doubt yourself. I hope you find peace and comfort in this most trying time. I'll be thinking of you.

Cyber hugs to you and Celia.


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## Jenny bf

Oh Spirite,
I am crying my eyes out reading your post. I am so so sorry for your loss. It must have been such a shock to find her. Try not to feel so bad, as 10C2D said hindsight is a wonderful thing. Margaux knew you loved her and gave her such a wonderful life. I am sure she took that feeling with her over the bridge and I am sure she fely you pick her up and snuggle her that last time.
Sending you big hugs from afar


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## spirite

Huge hugs to all of you. I wish that I could thank you all individually, but it's hard to even read your posts right now. I'm just overwhelmed by your kindness and thoughtfulness. I know that, unfortunately, so many of you just know, and I also know how much courage it takes for you to read posts here. 

I am very thankful that she seemed to go peacefully and that she was at home, in her favorite bed. That nasty, ratty, 13-year-old bed that she just wouldn't give up. I bought it when I adopted her, and I brought her to the emergency vet in it. She was still in it when I left. My little Margaux, I hadn't yet opened the box with your new bed in it. It's okay. I'll send it back. You probably would have hated it anyway, my stubborn little munchkin. 

I so hope that she didn't suffer, and that she wasn't suffering for a long time and that I didn't know. The guilt and the regret are so, so hard. I know some of you feel that too. 

I'm terrified to leave Celia. I've been checking on her every 20 minutes. From 7:30 to 10:30, I could barely breathe. I'm a little calmer now. Sending little scratches and ear rubs to my little Margaux bunny.


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## MsPepper

I am so sorry for your loss ((hugs))


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## KimV

Spirite, I am so sorry for your loss! Margaux was sleeping in her own bed comfy and peaceful which is what she wanted. Of course she knew she was loved, don't ever question that.


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## 10cats2dogs

Patty, just checking in, with more Prayers and (((HUGS))) for you, and petpets for Celia...
♡♡♡
Sharon


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## gizmothecat

im so sorry for your loss


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## Nan

I'm so sorry for your loss! But how much more comfort it was for her to be in her own bed..I hope I can pass with that comfort...


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## Jetlaya67

I am so sorry about your precious baby, Margaux. Don't blame yourself. She knows how much you loved her, don't doubt that. Wished there was something I could do to ease your pain. Sending you hugs, 
Ana


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## Jakiepoo

So, so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful baby. You always feel like you should have seen it coming or you could have done something to stop it, but know you gave her the best home any fur baby could hope for. 

Hopefully you and Celia are able to bring each other comfort. 

Best wishes, and many hugs your way!


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## marie5890

Patty, I am so very sorry. I hear your pain. I hear your being stunned. I have no words. HUGS :'-(

Eternal petpets Margaux. Nose kisses forever.


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## Mochas Mommy

:'( So sorry Patty! I wish I could do something to help you through this...but I know I can only be here for you and read your stories about Margaux when you are ready to share them. Like Mocha, she passed in her favourite bed from her entire life with you...a nice comforting place that I am sure they both had many fond memories of. That she choose her favourite bed tells you how much she loved you and that she went peacefully. I am sure her spirit is still there for you...and she will soon send you signs. It's hard now...do what you need to do in order to help yourself. Take care of yourself and remember your Margaux with love.


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## Speechie

Thinking of you, massive hugs for you across the miles...


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## jking

Sending more thoughts and prayers to you


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## 10cats2dogs

Patty,
Thinking of you, and sending more Warm Hugs to envelope you in...petpets for Celia...
Sharon


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## 10cats2dogs

Hi Patty, How are you, Celia, and Mr. Casper holding up?
More (((HUGS))) and Prayers, 
(We're here...)
Sharon


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## spirite

Thanks again so much, to all of you. It's so unbelievably touching to see this kind of support from people I've never met. Please know that I am eternally grateful and so comforted by your kind words. 

Celia has been looking very sad. Like with me, it seems to be getting harder, as the days go by and we realize that Margaux still isn't back yet from wherever she went. Celia has spent the last couple of days sitting in her usual spot on the back of the couch, just sitting, wide awake, as if listening for signs that Margaux's finally back.  They were never best friends, but they did live together for 13 years. I wish I could explain why Margaux's not here, but I guess she's starting to understand that she's not coming back. 

I really can't imagine what it would be like if I didn't have Celia. 

I don't know if Mr. Casper knows something's wrong. Margaux seemed afraid of him once we moved here - maybe because her sense of smell wasn't good - so she didn't spend much time out in the porch when he was there. But she knew he was never around in the morning, so even on Friday morning, the minute she heard me head towards the porch, she followed me for a little outside time. She loved nothing more than being outside. She never believed me when I told her it was too cold, and she was so stubborn and so proud that she would never turn around and come right back in the way Celia does. The only concession she'd make to the cold was to do a speed version of her daily tour of her territory. And she never ever hurried. Just a slow, leisurely "see, I'm not cold at all" pace. Silly girl.


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## 10cats2dogs

Patty,
When hearts are united by, Love and Loss...there are no strangers...♡♡♡

(((HUGS))) and Prayers as you go through this very sad time of mourning...
Celia needs you more than ever now...
Sharon


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## KimV

Spirite, I can see how it feels like it's getting harder because it was such a shock. You had no time to prepare yourself emotionally, like you said she was fine before dinner and you thought you had another year together. It probably took a few days to fully sink in so it hurts more as days go on, but I am sure that in time your heart will heal. Same with Celia, times where the two would cross paths during the routine are going to remind her of her lost buddy. It might a even more delayed for her since she doesn't know what really happened. Thankfully she has you to comfort her and I'm sure your babies are comforting you now.


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## KittyWell

I read this, long after you've written it, and I cannot stop myself from crying. I hope time and her sweet memory has brought warmth to you every day thereafter. She was so lucky to have you.


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## katdad

Thank you for such a moving and superb tribute to your beloved kitty.

This little kitty is looking down now, and happy, and telling you that you are also loved. Never forget this.


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## KsKatt

Oh Spirite, I had trouble reading through the opening post, through my tears. What a beautiful tribute.
Celia being sick had to be exceptionally difficult with your heart so recently broken. 
I'm at a loss for words, just know how much I wish you peace.


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## spirite

Thanks to all of you for your sympathy and support. It's really so comforting, and I'm very grateful. 

Every night Margaux gets a little package of head and cheek scratches, ear rubs, and little brush-brushes on her chin. The chin was the only place she tolerated the little flea comb, probably because the acne was itchy. When the comb hit the right spot, she'd put her paw on my hand to stop it, then rub her chin against it. If I tried to move the comb, she'd put her paw on my hand again. She was bossy. She'd also redirect my fork, which was en route to my mouth, to her nose so she could decide whether what was on it would be worth eating. 

I have her ashes in a little box on the coffee table. On top of the box, there's a picture of her in a metal frame. Occasionally, Celia gets on the coffee table, goes to the frame and rubs her head and cheek against it. I know she's just getting a nice scratch, but it always seems like she's sending Margaux a head butt.


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## DebS

Oh this thread made me cry. Margaux was obviously much loved and still is. You will see her again on he other side...


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## Mochas Mommy

Awww...I know just how you feel. I have a similar routine with Mocha each night. Because her favourite place was in bed with me, her urn is on my dresser with her pictures and her cat grass planter filled with her favourite toys. It is comforting....as I am sure Margaux's spot is for you. Someday we will be reunited with our babies.....until then....


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## spirite

Hello my little Margaux bunny! It's been a very sad year for us here without you, though slowly, slowly, we're adjusting. Celia finally stopped spending every day perched on the back of the couch staring out the window looking for you. She stopped giving me those questioning looks, wondering why I still hadn’t brought you back home from wherever I had taken you. It was so hard to see her lose hope, but it was even harder to see her seem to accept that you weren't coming back. 

But in the past week, I've let Mr. Casper in a couple of times (I know you don't like him very much, but it’s been really cold out, and you were always gracious – well, kind of - about letting him share your house). And I noticed that Celia runs to say hi. I thought it was strange, because she’s still afraid of him. Tonight, after sniffing him and running away, she was on the back of the couch again, giving me the accusing look again. I'm sure she thought it was you. It breaks my heart, but part of me is also happy, because it tells me that she remembers you, and that she still misses you.

Did you enjoy the tuna juice I left for you on Tuesday? That was the first time I’d made tuna since you left us. I tried once, a few months ago, but I realized that it would be the first time in 13 years that I’d be making tuna without you. I knew you weren’t going to come if I called “Margaux...mommy’s making tuuuuna! That means you get tuna juice!” You weren’t going to swish around my legs, give me head butts, and make your funny little mrrrmm noises. And that made mommy cry. 

But tonight, mommy is making tuna again, in your honor, so you get lots and lots of tuna juice.  

Somehow, I feel like you’re a bit lonely sometimes. I hope you’re not lonely, Margaux. Or sad. Please don’t be sad, Margaux. Mommy and Celia are right here. You’ll always be a part of our lives, my silly little munchkin. You know that, right? You know we'll always love you. 

I'll send you your head scratches and ear rubs a little later tonight, ok honey bunny? That will give you some time to finish all the tuna juice and then take a nice nap.


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## jking

Hugs to you Patty. Your post made me cry. Margaux will always be with you and I know she feels your love. You are a wonderful mommy.


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## Mochas Mommy

Hugs Patty. I know exactly how sad this time of the year....today for you and tomorrow for me. I am hopeful our girls are at the Bridge together, comforting each other as they send their loves to us. I know how much your heart hurts....it will get easier and you won't ever forget her. That bond doesn't break....it merges into a new one. It took me a year to wash the floor where Mocha last slept....I just couldn't. Margaux will always be with you in spirit.....her love surrounds you!


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## p885

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm am sure that you were a good Mom. Don't beat yourself up about the way it happened. Margaux died in a place where she was comfortable and loved. Blessings to you.


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## Augustine

I have to keep myself from bawling right now. Oh man.

It reminded me so much of my own lost kitties.. I found myself looking over at my sweet Scamper and my little kittens, all cuddled up next to me. Things like this remind me to be grateful for all of the tiny moments. I need to keep telling myself to treasure them all, good and bad.

You are *such* a wonderful mom. I know Marguax is able to feel all of the love and kind words you're sending to her. And thank you so much for sharing this post with us.


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## TabbCatt

Such a kind, sweet, heartfelt yet tearful tribute to Margaux. It's beautiful, like how your heart is still connected to hers despite her physical presence being gone from this world. You know Margaux like no other, Spirite, and she will always, always remember and appreciate you for it.

Warm hugs to you from Seattle.


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## Jenny bf

Sending hugs to you. That year seems to have gone so fast. Its a lovely post for her anniversary that you have written to her. I am sure she still knows how much she touches your life and vice versa


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## Marcia

This is terribly sad. I'm sorry for your loss but sorrier that you beat yourself up so much. That sweet girl knew love - even busy-ness love. You have nothing to feel bad about. Margaux passed in the place she loved best - on your bed.


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## 10cats2dogs

Patty, Big HUGS, across the miles...Margaux will always be with you in spirit, and in your heart.♡♡♡
Margaux knows how much she is loved, and she choose when to leave...
She was warm,and comfortable, and surrounded by everything that was familiar to her.
Sigh...Anniversaries are Bittersweet...
S.


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## spirite

Thanks again, everyone, for your sweet words. I was trying to make my post cheerful, but I guess the sadness is still dominant right now. 

All that talk about getting Celia a playmate...I looked at Margaux's picture (the one on top of the box with her ashes), a couple of months ago, wondering if she'd be ok with my bringing in another cat. I was surprised, honestly, to get the distinct, and very strong, feeling that she didn't like that idea at all. Then it made me smile: Margaux was always such a princess. How could I possibly be thinking about bringing another cat into the house? And not even a year since she'd left! When I looked at her pic again over the weekend, I didn't get the sense of her being regally offended but of her being a little sad at the idea. So no kitty, foster or otherwise, for now. I'll have to try to become a better cat so Celia can have a playmate. 

I never even acknowledged DebS and MM's posts from July! I just don't like to look here too often. Everyone's kindness always makes me cry.


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