# Catmalion--My Attempt to Socialize Snowball with Two Cats



## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Greetings,

I'm a newbie here, and I benefited greatly from advice given to me over the past week on how to socialize my beautiful but fear-aggressive cat, Snowball, with Hershey the Dominant and Blizzy the mischievous choir boy. All three have entered the household over the past two months, first Snowball, then Blizzy two weeks later, then Hershey two weeks after that. Snowball is a DSH female, just over 1; Blizzy a DSH male, 8 months, and Hershey a predominantly Havana Brown male, 1-1/2. Blizzy and Hershey bonded within a day of meeting in person. Snowball runs and hisses. Based on advice given, I am trying to desensitize her and then counter-condition her to get along with the other two. This "blog" will attempt to document how things are going, what I'm doing wrong and right and the advice I'm given to keep things moving forward. I do this for my own benefit, as I am finding it very difficult to socialize Snowball, but also for the benefit of others who are facing a similar dilemma, and it seems to be not all that uncommon. Please ignore me (I'm sure you will) if you've "been there, done that" and find this repetitive, but for those who can help and/or develop a rooting interest to help me counteract the frustration and helplessness such a situation engenders, please follow along. I am now in Day 8 of desensitization. The earlier posts, and some extremely useful advice, can be found under the thread heading "Need Help with a Problematic Cat Introduction". viewtopic.php?f=2&t=66691

The protagonists are shown below (I hope). I have taken a few other photos I'll try to share later tonight, when I post results from Day 8.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 8: Overall, A Step Backwards

I know Susan said she hit a lull between days 6 and 11 of desensitization/counter-conditioning, and even suggested maybe things were going backwards. While every situation is different, that's exactly how I feel tonight.

What Went Well: Snowball is much more confident being in the rest of the house during the room exchange, while Hershey and Blizzy are locked in the bedroom. She wanders around without me, even ran around like the typical crazy cat a couple of times, exercise she needs. She's fantastic about running back up the stairs with me and right into her carrier, when the session is over. This amazes me, and I'm waiting for her not to want to go back. Back in her room after the exchange, she lifted her tail and turned her rear to me in an exaggerated fashion. She has often greeted me by raising her tail and turning her rear to me, and I understand this to be a friendly signal (though it takes getting used to!). This was even friendlier than usual.

What Went Less Well: She wasn't as comfortable eating very near the gate; I had to move her food back to about three feet for her to eat most of it somewhat relaxed. She also sat further away from the gate than she has in days, though later on she moved back to within four feet, where she usually sits now. She suddenly charged the gate several times without warning, stuck her paw through and waved it at Hershey with a quiet hiss (he sits right by the gate), then ran around the corner--though she was back in view within a minute each time. I've read that I'm supposed to distract her from doing this, but she is just sitting there and then runs to the gate without warning, so she catches me by surprise. No ears back, no growl. I almost think she's running up to take a gander at him, as she does so quietly, until about one second after she gets there. It's like she realizes what she has done, and recoils. She also didn't play as freely as yesterday.

What I May Have Done Wrong: I understand "all good things" are supposed to happen to her within two feet of the baby gate. I have forgotten and was petting her while she sat on my lap as I ate dinner; she purred the whole time. I guess I should be saving this for front of gate. Also, I'm supposed to not allow her to hiss in front of the gate, and I've got to somehow stop her from doing this, lest it be positively reinforced too often. 

So, all in all, no feeling of progress today, except in her comfort level in the house away from them.

Here's a picture of Hershey's face up close. You know how some people just don't photograph that well? Hershey is the same way--his foster told me that before I adopted him, and it's true. I think he's one handsome cat! I'll see if I can do more justice to him sometime.


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

Hi NewRescue (and fellow Maryland suburb of DC person).....

I'm a little confused about your cats. Which one is which? Are the two dark ones the Havana Brown and Blizzy? "Hershey the Dominant," that's funny.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Hi October/Maryland neighbor,

Sorry for the confusion. Both pictures of a dark cat (top and middle, left) are of Hershey. Blizzy is in the middle picture (he has a little grey "toupee" on his head, otherwise is pure white). Snowball is the pure white cat in the bottom picture, with one yellow eye and one blue one. The bottom two pics are now part of my signature. Hershey is predominantly a Havana Brown ("predominantly" because all 3 are rescues, and it would be next to impossible to find a real purebred Havana as a rescue (though there is one in Cal right now)). There are somewhere between 500 to 1,000 pure Havana Browns in the US, somewhat more for a mix like mine, but they are very unusual. A mix of Siamese, Burmese, black DSH and one or two other breeds, they originated in Siam (Thailand), were brought to England in the mid-1800s and to the US in the 1950s. They are dying out as a breed, because there are so few breeders and there was some inbreeding, but an attempt is being made to diversify the gene pool and keep them going. Hershey is an amazing combination--fearless, as energetic as the Energizer bunny, playful, eats like a horse, also a lap cat, can sit in your lap for hours if you let him, bonds very strongly with his human, and not a mean bone in his body. He "trills" constantly, to let you know where he is, not that you wouldn't, because he doesn't disappear from your side for long, only to scout for food on the kitchen counters!


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

Okay, so the colors and names make sense.


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## OctoberinMaine (Sep 12, 2006)

Okay, so the colors and names make sense. Sometimes people name a black cat Snow or a white cat Midnight, just to be ironic. Ahhhhh, the irony. But I see your names make sense and I get it now. 

I read your posts with interest, but I can't contribute because I've only ever had one cat. With one cat all you need to introduce them to is the litterbox, and the litterbox rarely hisses at them.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Hi NewRescueDad: Each day, you have told us of your events, and I have reported back to you on how they compared to what I saw on the same day. When I posted yesterday, I thought to myself, I had better mention the “going backwards” part in advance, rather than waiting to hear your story first. I figured if you did experience a setback, and I only raised the issue after the fact – saying, “Oh yes, I started going backwards around Day 7 or 8 also” – you might start to think I was making all of this up as I went along, just to make you feel better. So, I’m pleased to see I exercised foresight for once. In any event, if yours are anything like mine, you can expect to go back and forth a bit for the next few days – but, let’s hope Footsies is on your horizon.

If you’re at the “you wanna sniff my butt” stage with Snowball, you’re definitely on solid ground, although I agree, you might want to keep that sort of activity between you and your cats. 

You’re right in that the books say ALL good things should happen by the gate, and NOTHING good should happen elsewhere, so that the cats associate good things with each other. My behaviorist gave me the same advice, saying I shouldn’t pet Muffin unless she was by the gate. When he said this, I smiled sweetly and nodded in agreement, saying “Yes…I see…No problem”, all the while thinking “Are you out of your mind? Dream on, buddy”. I adhered to his rules when it came to feeding, treats, grooming, play, cat grass, etc. None of that happened anywhere other than by the screen. But, when it came to giving Muffin love and affection, she was going to get that whenever she wanted and as often as she wanted, regardless of where she was physically located. On top of which, she slept with me (as I imagine Snowball does with you, if she’s confined to your bedroom), and she would cuddle a bit at night. What was I to do, carry her to the gate complete with pillows and blankets? Ignore her? Bah, humbug! So, my view – for what its worth – is to heck with the books and the behaviorists on this point. Mom (or Dad) knows best.

To my knowledge, there’s no way to prevent Snowball from hissing – so not much you can do here. Whenever Muffs would hiss or growl, I would just speak gently to her and re-assure her everything was ok. As for Snowball running up to the gate, not hissing and growling, and then backing away – that might be a good sign – a sign of her wanting to play (except fear gets the better of her and she retreats). The paragraph below sets out advice I was given by my behaviorist. This advice was given in “Stage 2”, when I was allowing the girls together for short play sessions…but I think it would nonetheless apply to your case.

During the combined play sessions, try not to allow Abby to chase, approach or run up to Muffin. Whenever Abby starts to make a move towards Muffin, distract Abby with a laser pointer, a toy, etc. However, if Muffin starts to chase or approach Abby, DO NOT interrupt. We need to discourage Abby chasing Muffin, but ENCOURAGE Muffin to chase Abby (although if anything negative arises from the chase – a fight ensues, etc. – break it up immediately). It might sound unfair to allow one to chase, but not the other. However, Muffin views Abby’s chasing as threatening (like she’s being stalked in her own home), whereas Abby views Muffin’s chasing as play. We want to increase the play and reduce the perceived threat/stalking. We also want to give Muffin the confidence to start to chase Abby and/or start to hold her ground.

So, considering that advice, unless Snowball’s behavior in running up to the gate appears very aggressive (which doesn’t seem to be the case from your description), I would tend not to interrupt or dissuade her from running up to the gate. In fact, running up to H&B, and having nothing untoward occur as a result, will likely help to overcome her fear.

Hershey looks like a very handsome young fellow…the only difficulty with the camera is I now see your point about his colouring, the camera and the lighting, since in your pictures, he looks to be black, not brown (except where the sun seems to shine around his ears). Now, I take it you’re using an I-phone, which is not exactly advanced photography. Time to invest in a new camera. Finally, Blizzy looks like a complete angel…a cherubic choir boy intent only on good deeds…not so much as a mischievous bone in his body…indeed, a total innocent. I believe Blizzy has been misjudged, and there’s no convincing me otherwise.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Extremely helpful. Now that I have been shamed into taking a better picture of hershey, here's one he wouldn't mind my showing:








And as for choir boy, since words won't convince you, I may have to use visuals. Best I can do is one of them playing, for now, with Blizzy's paws around hershey's neck. That will come later.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

That is a good picture of Hershey! He's another angel...a chocolate cherub, if you will. 

A picture of Blizzy with his paws around Hershey's neck? Seems to me that will show nothing more than Blizzy hugging Hershey. Back to the drawing board...


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## Sheba1 (Mar 29, 2010)

Boy, I feel for you. We have 2 cats, brother and sister. They have always been close friends and are snugglers for sure. The boy, Moji, is the alpha male and is quite rambunctious. My husband accidentally shut the door on his tail a couple years ago...which undoubtedly hurt - but Moji was MAD and had all this aggression that he directed at his sister. He went after her and she ran under the couch. I was screaming which didn't help. He even would growl and hiss at us - i was honestly scared of him. We had to separate the cats for quite awhile. She stayed in my craft room and he had the rest of the house but he would come and lay by the door so he could look under the door at her like some kind of bully tactic. I would open the door so that my hand was between the door and wall and my foot next to the door so that he couldn't come in and at no point could the door close on his paw. He would swipe at her and hiss but Sheba would stay back and just watch. I got some amino acid (tryptophan) that I put in his water which seemed to help alot. When Moji stopped most of his aggressive behavior (about 2 months later) we let them have supervised time together but would separate them during the day. Eventually, after 6 months, they became friends again. This was taken very recently.


Snugglers. Well nourished snugglers that is.....


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks, Sheba 1, and I see you joined just before I did. SIx months, eh? I don't think I can take all this for six months. At least you said most of the aggression had subsided after two months, though they had been friends before. I think six months is realistic for me, though, who knows.

Day 9--A Glimmer of Hope, or Just Wishful Thinking or Overinterpretation?

Well, today had one potentially interesting development--maybe. A lot of ground to cover. 

But first, Susan, you were prescient in including the step backwards commentary, right on cue, the day before it happened. Today was a more up day, offsetting the down of yesterday. Snowball continues to be more animated than she had been in recent weeks, which includes playing more in her room. I came up to give everyone an early afternoon snack, and she was playful with her furry mouse and Da Bird in the Hide and Seek (I have learned to peek-a-boo it in there, which excites her interest). Hershey was parked by the gate, as usual, with Blizzy six feet back, as usual. Snowball nosed the mouse, then ran over to the right, near her scratching post but still in plain view of Hershey, and crouched down in the "I'm ready to pounce on prey" position. She proceeded to pounce right up to the gate and Hershey, but not in a very threatening way, though she did give the perfunctory right hand swipe at him. He didn't budge, as usual (he may have backed up a little, for about two seconds.) She then retreated to the Hide and Seek and continued playing with the mouse, as if this all had been part of play. Whoa, I thought, is this possible? Do my eyes deceive me? She continued to play for awhile thereafter, not engaging with Hershey again but definitely relaxed. Hershey remains placid and by the gate whenever this happens, one of many reasons I find him amazing. Remember, he is fearless, or virtually so, and he has just recovered from a near-death experience only three months ago, so this is clearly small potatoes (or small beer, as the Brits say, or at least some do) for him.

I had hoped this newfound behavior might continue, but alas, today it did not. This evening, Snowball reverted to her one charge at the gate and Hershey at dinner, and she gave a more heartfelt hiss at Blizzy as the room exchange started--that one was clearly, "I do not like you! DO you understand?" I put Snowball in her carrier as I do the exchange, as it's not easy exchanging three cats as one person (especially when one of them, Hershey, now can routinely surmount the gate at will (gotta get that balloon, Susan!)). Hershey came up to the carrier, and Snowy hissed at him again, but he remains totally undeterred by that. He never goes after her or threatens her; he just goes up to her (or the gate) and looks benignly and quietly at her, never uttering a sound (whereas he cries like a baby once I've closed the bedroom door on him). Snowball went up the cat tree in the family room tonight for the first time in a month, and as usual, when the session was over, she ran right upstairs behind me and into her carrier (though I didn't go into her carrier!). 

Another interesting thing. Before I could close the door after putting everyone back where they belong, Snowball went up to Hershey, reached through the gate and hissed and swatted at him again, not playfully. As Susan said she spoke gently to Muffin when that happened, I told Snowball Hershey was a friend and reached out and petted him under the chin while she watched. She backed up a few feet, then came almost to the gate in front of him and did not hiss this time (!). She then backed up again. I then petted Hersh again, trying to get her to process that he is friend/family, not foe. She just looked at me, as if she's trying to figure it out.

So, the dawn of a new behavior, or just one isolated episode? I guess we'll see, but at least whenever she hissed it did not upset her equilibrium and she went right back to playing (and NOT hiding), so I was pleased by that. Buy the way, in addition to the CL and RR--and the Feliway diffuser in the bedroom--I should add that the past two days I have also sprayed Feliway by the gate, on the chicken soup principle--couldn't hurt.

By the way, Snowball does sleep on the bed, but after cuddling next to my head the first two days, she moved to the foot of the bed thereafter and has stayed there, except when I feed her less. Then, her cuddling instincts return, as well as her nose kisses. I do wonder on occasion, is she just a femme fatale, with her big yellow eye and blue eye, silky fur, nose kisses until she gets what she wants with me, and the sharp claws she clearly knows how to use? Nope, I still think she's Eliza Doolittle, these are just the behaviors she learned to survive, so it's going to take awhile to teach her new behaviors.

On the photo front, I took a few of Hershey with my digital camera, to try to let the chocolate color come through (as well as his pretty copper/yellow eyes). I've also got Hersh and Blizzy playing. While Blizzy's paws around Hershey's throat might appear menacing, I can assure you they take turns chasing each other and initiating the wrestling. They have not had a cross moment together since the day after they met a month ago--thank goodness! The first pic is a draw, in the second I think Blizzy is winning. And, on reflection, I'll never be able to get a picture of Blizzy misbehaving. The whole point of his choir boy act is that I can never catch him in the act!


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Many of your recent descriptions of Snowball do suggest that she wants to play, but is still a little fearful or just doesn’t quite know how…and I think you’re right to look upon her recent behavior as a good sign. And, as you know, the integration won’t be accomplished by several giant leaps. It will proceed one baby step at a time – although I fully appreciate how frustrating these baby steps can be. Still, I think you’ve all come a long way since you started this process. 

Your idea of petting or playing with Hershey in front of Snowball is also a good one. She clearly has developed a trusting relationship with you – I suspect you’re her Alpha. So, by petting Hershey in Snowball’s presence, perhaps she will either learn to associate him with you or recognize that he’s not something to be feared. 

Just a thought, but have you ever tried switching their positions on either side of the gate? That is, at the end of the room exchange, let Snowball come up to the gate, with H&B still in your bedroom (perhaps put the carrier beside the bedroom door). Following a brief period of reversed positions, you could then put Snowball in her carrier and make the exchange, putting everyone back in their rightful places. This idea is drawn from something my behaviorist said, which would take some time to explain, so I won’t launch into the full story. In essence, however, the suggestion is linked to the idea of reducing Snowball’s fear by putting her “in control” of the situation (when she’s in your bedroom, she’s the one who is confined and has no/limited escape routes). The idea might not accomplish anything, but it likely can’t hurt matters either. So, perhaps it’s worth a test-run.

Now, this suggestion will require H&B to remain in the bedroom, and I take it your idea of ceramic bowls on top of the gate has not thwarted Hershey from jumping the gate. Regardless of whether or not you choose to “switch positions”, it would be helpful to Hershey making uninvited entries. So, unless he has now stopped of his own accord, we need to find a way to prevent that. I must say the thought of you entering balloon territory brings a smug smile to my face, and should that day ever arise, I will be ROFL! However, if you’re not yet ready for such foolishness, here’s another idea. Since Hershey is not actually jumping over the gate – but is first jumping on top and then down – you might want to try putting some “Sticky Paws” tape on the top of the gate. (I’ll assume you’re familiar with “Sticky Paws” – if not, just ask). Doing so probably won’t prevent him from jumping, but might slow him down a bit, and give you a better chance to nab him mid-jump, thus lessening the likelihood of his gaining entry. If that doesn’t work, we’re back to balloons.

I think you’re Eliza comparison is smack on…and since Snowball was a year old when you adopted her (age 15 in human years), she has a fair bit of history to overcome. If it helps at all, my behaviorist did mention that fearfulness in cats could stem from one of two factors. Either it arose due to past history such as abuse or neglect, or it was simply part of the cat’s innate personality. His 50-50 prognosis in my case was based on his comment (which I admit surprised me) that innate personality (Muffin’s problem) was more difficult to overcome than past history. 

It’s so nice to see that Hershey & Blizzy get along so well, as is clearly indicated by your recent pictures. Abby & Muffin wrestle a bit nowadays, but when they do they’re always rolling around so much that a still picture is difficult. In contrast, H&B appear to be taking a rest between rounds! 

And, finally, the truth comes out…you have never actually caught the choir boy in the act. His entire rogue reputation to date has been based on circumstantial evidence!! Well, you will not make a believer out of me until you’re able to substantiate your accusations with eye-witness testimony or, at a minimum, a nine-point paw-print match…


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Much appreciated, as usual. A number of points to respond to, which I will while reporting on the day[s activities.

Day 10--More Baby Steps Forward?

Today was a pretty good day, overall. It would have been the first day ever without a single episode of hissing, except at the very end, when I reversed the room exchange and left the door open for one last session few minutes ago, Snowball did her usual run up to the gate with a hiss and paw swipe, then retreated four feet.

Things that Went Well: Snowball spent a lot of time playing today, within three feet of the gate and with mainly Hershey watching but sometimes Blizzy, too, without being bothered by them. She started the morning with a short frenzy of running back and forth in the bedroom, which I take to be a good sign of friskiness since she accompanied it with playing. She went up to the door a couple of times with it closed and almost looked under it, which usually leads to her hissing, but she remained silent. Her appetite was even better than usual. I had several sessions of petting her close to the gate, including one where she got on my lap when I was right next to the gate and Hershey was just on the other side, and she purred and let me stroke her chin, seemingly oblivious to him!

Part of her Eliza Doolittle nature is, I am surmising, lack of exposure to things, so she hasn't learned them. I am guessing, based on her behavior at the shelter and with me since I first met her, that she was not abused, but rather simply learned what she does as survival skills. As I've mentioned before, at first she just stared at most of the new toys I got her. After a couple of sessions where I demonstrated them to her, she would tentatively start using them. Whether that is skittishness or lack of familiarity, I don't know, but it worked. So I decided, as I said yesterday, to start demonstrating to her how "footsies" is played through the gate. I also thought petting Hershey, and Blizzy when he's near, would send signals to Snowball. I found her reaction fascinating. This afternoon, when I pet Hershey through the gate bars, she just watched. When I pet Blizzy, she immediately got up and moved out of visual range (I had degraded myself in her eyes!). Is she actually reacting that strongly to what I do? This evening, at the end, she was just sitting there. When I started to pet Hershey, she immediately started grooming herself, calmly. As soon as I stopped petting him, she stopped grooming. This happened three times. I decided it might not be a coincidence, maybe she is really reacting to my petting him in her own way, as a stress reliever (but she was not very stressed by it, since she came over to me when I was done). I like the idea of keeping the door open before placing Snowball back in her room. I'll work on that, though now her carrier is right near the gate and she runs up and into it so smoothly, on her own, that I hate to try to untrain that. 

Best News of All: When I was downstairs with her during the room exchange, she hopped into my lap, as usual, after some good house exploring. Yesterday I found an old pair of nail clippers I had used with my first cat, Sport, years ago, and I'd never had a problem with him. Well, I managed to trim three of Snowball's nails on her left paw with barely a protest; she didn't even feel it, and I have lived to tell the tale! This is thrilling beyond words, considering her claws are mighty sharp by now and I don't like being fearful myself. Indeed, this is the only thing I have feared.

What Didn't Go Well: Nothing, actually, except the minor hiss at the end. Haven't said that before.

Other points: Start ROFLing, as I bought a balloon today, since you are so full of good ideas, Susan, and when I went shopping today, I passed a counter with blown up balloons. The "best' of the lot was a yellow "Happy Face" balloon on a stick. It makes me chuckle, to see it taped on the baby gate, and it also reminds me of the Smilies on the Cat Forum! Hershey is perplexed by it. He spent some time trying to unpeel the tape and then, when that didn't work, to dismantle the gate, but he hasn't jumped yet. I give him three days. I've never before thought of a Happy Face as intimidating, except in Tim Burton's The Nightmare before Christmas, for you fans of his work.

Sticky Paws: bien sur, of course I have Sticky Paws. Hershey the Dominant, Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold, is not easily dissuaded once he has made up his mind about something. And he loves my kitchen counters. He knows what "no" is. To him it means he should not be doing what he has every intention of continuing to do. I have learned that Sticky Paws on placements will keep him off some of the counters when I am not there, though he knows how to step around them, so I'll have to cover EVERY SQUARE INCH to dissuade him. I mainly keep nothing edible there, to make it boring. He is so bold that he hops up on the counter while I am there making breakfast or dinner for him. He knows I will "yell" at him or put him back on the floor but not do anything to him otherwise. I have also used a squirt bottle, but he quickly figured out where it was coming from. It's a good idea you have to apply Sticky Paws to the 7/8 inch ledge, so I will, though if the balloon doesn't dissuade him, I don't think that minor inconvenience will get in his way. By the way, Snowball and Blizzy are both amazingly responsive to my verbal commands. I don't even have to raise my voice much, I just say "no" or "down" firmly to them and within one to three utterances, they get off. 

Action Photos of Hersh and Blizzy: credit the iPhone. I assure you they are rolling around as these photos are taken. I just snap and snap, and a few of them come out not blurred. they play constantly, so I have plenty of chances. This is an absolute joy to watch, compared to Catmalion. They really like each other.

Blizzy "in the act": To quote a former US President, I misspoke myself--or maybe it's repressed memories. I have actually SEEN Blizzy, right in front of me, trying to rip open (1) a package of dry cat food, (2) an unopened package of Temptations treats IN MY HAND, and (3) a bag of EVO dry cat food in the closet, when I opened the door. I just haven't had a camera handy or good lighting. These are his unsuccessful attempts, of course. I only have circumstantial evidence of several successful attempts. Blizzy the choir boy knows where everything in the house is kept, and he comes running form anywhere when I just rustle a Temptations package! It's all I can do to scold him when he does this, as he looks so cute and determined. The only antidote is to hide them, and then the challenge is to remember where I've put them!


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## Sheba1 (Mar 29, 2010)

Yeah, I joined because Sheba had been bleeding from some mysterious source for awhile and I wanted to have some feedback from other cat owners who may have had a similar experience - to bring with me to the vet.

Sounds like you are making some really good progress....you are a good dad. Snowball is a very sweet cat and I think you are going to succeed in all the cats living peacefully in your home. Cats are so smart. Blizzy is going to keep you on your toes. Our boy cat shred a new unopened 20 lb bag of cat food when he was younger and we didn't know what he was capable of. Sticky paws does not bother him nor does the squirt bottle (most times). I warn him I'm going to squirt him if he doesn't stop (biting his sister, scratching on the couch, climbing the screen door, trying to climb the artificial tree, biting holes in the blinds, I could keep going on...) mostly he will just squint his eye like bring it on....once in awhile he will gallop away. When other people come over, Moji purrs and is so friendly, I think they don't believe me that he is a handful, so I understand about this choirboy syndrome.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

BALLOONS!! With HAPPY FACES!! :lol:  :luv  :lol: As predicted, when I first read you had resorted to balloons, I was indeed ROFL. So, let me see if I’ve got this straight. You now have a baby gate complete with ceramic bowls and a happy face balloon on top. That is priceless! I’m debating as to whether that calls for a picture or is best left to the imagination. A Happy Face works. In fact, given your circumstances, the only balloon more fitting than one with a happy face would have been one that read: “Enjoy Your Retirement”! 

OK…so there’s now one difference between your situation and mine, and it’s a positive one for you. During Stage 1 of our integration (before starting the open play sessions), I never had a day with no (or only one minor) negative thing to report. Even on the day they played footsies, I still reported Muffin often running away from the screen in fear and still growling at Abby when she was beside the screen – not while they were playing footsies, of course. But, Muffin’s seemed to keep changing her mind. One minute, she seemed relaxed by the screen and happy to play footsies, the next minute, footsies came to an end and the growling began. In any event, based on your descriptions, I think you will soon be ready for a face-to-face meeting, at least between S&H (likely a good idea to leave Blizzy out of the mix initially, as you’ve already suggested in prior posts). Anyway, you’ll know when they’re ready.

If reversing their roles at the gate led to the sole hissing incident, then it seems this wasn’t one of my better ideas. And I agree with your comment about not wanting to undo all the good you have done thus far in training Snowball to go into her carrier. As for her letting you trim her claws, that’s impressive – particularly since, not long ago, she didn’t even like to have you touch her paws. You’re also one up on me in the claw-trim department, since I still don’t have the nerve to try. I’m less worried about myself, and more concerned that if Muffs or Abby were to move mid-trim, I might slip and hurt them. 

As for the much-maligned Blizzy trying to get into food bags, treat bags and the like: Do you not FEED this poor little thing? He’s a growing boy and he’s hungry. Shame on you! As for rustling the treat bag, I know all about that trick. If I don’t know where my two are, I either shake the treat bag or start waving Da Bird in the air. Within seconds, two tails and eight paws arrive on the scene. Works like a charm! 

On the topic of food and treats – how close to the gate are you now feeding them and/or giving them treats? I started off about a few feet away from either side of the screen, but kept moving the food and the treats a bit closer each day, such that by Day 11, they were eating only a few inches away from each other. Food was no problem. With treats, they would both approach the screen and each other to eat the treat with no qualms, but Muffin always kept one eye on Abby and the other eye on her treat…and she would usually utter a little growl, as if to say “Don’t even think about stealing my treat! This is MINE!”. Anyway, if you’re not yet feeding inches away, you might consider moving the food/treats a little closer each day, as long as they seem comfortable with your doing so. 

In closing, keep up the good work. I foresee a happy ending to this story.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 11: "Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley deep enough, ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from you, oo (or from your food, anyway)." (Sung by Hershey to Snowball this afternoon.)

You all might think I lead a very mundane life, to be as fixated as I have become about this. But that's why I'm on this Forum, you probably are among the only people who DO understand. 

Anyway, today was another day of surprises, to my surprise--two, to be exact. Surprise No, 1: First thing this morning, I awoke to the sound of Snowball batting her furry mouse around the bedroom and bathroom. Yes, BATTING it around. For a good 10 minutes. And running around, like yesterday. But vigorously playing with anything, much less the mouse? Was she channeling Blizzy, who plays with his mice all the time (Oh, Snowball would resent the comparison, but it's true.) I was amazed. A happy cat to start the day. Breakfast went fine, though she hissed once (and then numerous times throughout the day, but none setting her back for long.) Susan I am not ahead of you in this respect, but I think I'm in exactly the same place as of now. Snowball vacillates between doing things quite near the gate and becoming acutely self-conscious and drawing back. Moreover, she constantly uses the scratching post I have right next to everything else and grooms herself right after these episodes, so she is dealing with a tug of war inside her. 

As I gave them their dry food afternoon snack (which they all go bonkers over), Hershey heard me rustle the cat food bag as I withdrew it from its "hiding" place in the bathroom, and he immediately jumped over the gate into the bedroom (I had purposely left the door open to see what would transpire). Snowball did not freak out at all, but I grabbed him within a few seconds, before she could really react. Mr. Happy Face balloon did his job; Hershey surmounted the taped dish, without pausing at the top. Now, a quick true confession by way of an aside, and sorry if this shatters any funny mental images you might have. They are not really "ceramic" dishes taped on top of the gate, but rather an unbreakable resin material (NOT plastic). In any case, they are not tall enough to deter a determined cat, and on that score Hersh is at the head of the class. It still looks pretty weird/funny. I have Snowball's dish about 8 inches from the gate, with H&B's dish about 13 inches on the other side, so they are reasonably close. Snowball hissed pretty strongly at Blizzy a couple of times this afternoon (my fault, but also a judgment call, I want them to interact more, and Snowball, even after hissing, does not run away the way she used to, by and large.)

Early this evening, I tried playing with Da Bird first with Snowball, then with Hershey, back and forth (BlIzzy in the background, watching). Only the second time I've done this. This time it worked, Snowball did not run away (they were about 2-3 feet apart), though she was clearly conflicted and kept using scratching post and grooming, but then played again and with her mouse. She came up to Hersh a couple of times, swiped at him somewhat gently and hissed a little, but I kept going, since she did not recoil more than a foot or two. He recoils about 6 inches, then comes back and stares quietly--he's great!

Surprise No. 2: The room exchange was fine. I went into my computer room upstairs, and Snowball disappeared on her own for an hour somewhere else in the house. I did this on purpose, to let her roam on her own, and to join me upstairs if she wanted. She didn't. I came downstairs eventually, we spent some time together, and then I told her it was time to go back upstairs. Susan, you know how you mentioned yesterday the idea of opening the door with Snowball still on the outside and seeing what might happen, and I said I didn't want to spoil her running right into her carrier? You were once again clairvoyant by a day (or else Snowball has been reading these emails; I'd lay odds on the former.) Well, Snowball bounded up the stairs, went right BY her carrier and went up to the closed door! I quickly took the opportunity to open the door, since I knew Hershey was pining on the other side. Hershey was there, right by the gate. Snowball went up to him, and THEY TOUCHED NOSES!!! FOR TWO SECONDS!! WITH NO HISSING!! Let me repeat, Snowball went up to him, and not vice versa. Then Snowball started a low growl/moan--she couldn't help herself--and Hershey backed away a foot, and it was over. Snowball then withdrew and walked into her carrier on her own (she was done!). You could have blown me over with a feather.

Before Surprise No. 2, I was prepared to tell you that while I might know when it would be the right time for Hershey and Snowball to play together in the same room, that time had not yet arrived. It still hasn't, but it might be even closer than I thought! If/when it happens, do you have any suggestions where it should take place? I assume you may thinking of neutral territory, but that might make Snowball too nervous, so maybe you are thinking of her bedroom, where she can retreat to a safe place when she wants. I'll reread earlier posts, maybe you've already answered this one. And let me be clear, I hadn't reversed their positions before at the gate, so that is not what led to hissing, just Snowball's normal fears.

Odds and Sods: No nail trimming today; Snowball didn't want me fiddling with her right paw. Blizzy is hardly starving. In fact, the first few weeks I had Hershey, I made the mistake of feeding them similar amounts, to the point Blizzy started to develop what I'll call a golfer's or bowler's paunch (no offense to golfers or bowlers, but you know the look). I've cut back a little for a month now, and he no longer looks overweight. I have learned to ignore their pleadings that they are starving to death. And as noted, I am feeding Snowball, Hershey and Blizzy within two feet of each other, which is closer than last week, but not as close as you got, at least not yet. I offered dry cat food pellets within inches of the gate, and everyone goes for them, but Snowball quickly gets skittish.

So all in all, another good day, to my surprise, though with more hissing today!


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

Great progress! The advice I've received from the Siamese Rescue Org. is very similar to what you're doing. I'm glad you're taking it slowly.  I think you have a couple of steps left, but I'll let Susan continue to guide you.

You have some intelligent and very handsome cats!


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 12 Morning Bulletin: It happened again! The touching noses, that is. Soon after breakfast, when I opened the door, it was just Snowball on one side, Hershey on the other. Snowball came up to the gate and touched noses with him, this time for about four seconds, before Blizzy showed up, she backed away and I quickly closed the door. After putting Blizzy safely away for a few minutes, I did an alternating play session with Snowball and Hershey with Da Bird. It worked for about two minutes, then Snowball went to the gate, hissed and pawed at Hershey, first it almost looked like playing, but the second time it was a normal hiss, so I ended the session. I did pet her briefly once the door was closed, so as not to end things on a negative note. 

Thanks, jeanie, for the encouraging words, and as you said, Susan has really guided me well through this. I feel I'm now entering the hardest part, though, in encouraging them to interact positively. But maybe the desensitizing is now at a somewhat advanced stage, at least with Hersh.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Touching noses!! The traditional greeting between two friendly cats, second only to “Wanna sniff my butt?” That’s TERRIFIC!! Eliza is well on her way to becoming a lady, and will soon be ready for her debut. And, after composing my response in Word (as I now do), I just noticed your most recent post as to how it happened again this morning. YIPPEE!!

Snowball’s increased interest in play is a great sign, as is her ability to stand her ground against Blizzy. Last week she would have run away. No doubt the hissing will subside and disappear soon. You might want to get in the habit of carrying some treats with you for moments such as touching noses. Perhaps a shirt pocket will work. Or dump such frivolous items as your wallet and keys, and keep some treats in your pant pockets. Whenever my two touched noses through the screen or started playing footsies, I would reward them, both to reinforce the message and to lengthen the moment. As for feeding, try moving the bowls closer by just a few inches a day…gradually, so they don’t notice much of a change at any one time….but, stop if either shows signs of discomfort and try again a day or so later. 

The one advantage I had over you was the logistics, or the room set-up…and, it’s possible (in fact, likely) that the logistics allowed my integration to proceed more smoothly and swiftly than otherwise might have been the case. I shall first explain my set-up. I shall next explain the advantages it posed, and I will then try to relate my situation to yours. You can then ponder whether or not you can replicate any of the advantages I had. 

In my case, Abby was in the dining room, which has two entrances, and I had attached window screens over the double-door entrance from the dining room to the foyer, leaving an opening of a few inches at the bottom, through which they could play footsies. The screened entrance area is visible from my family room, which is where I spend most of my time. Also, I had relied on yet another fruitcake idea to ensure that neither cat could climb the screen (which idea will forever remain a mystery!). Thus, when I was home, I could leave the doors open and could still see the screen. When I was at work or sleeping, I was able to close the doors over the screen, but the doors are glass-paned, so even when they were closed, Muffs and Abby could still see each other. Muffs was free to roam the rest of the house, although everything she wanted was beside the screen (wet food, dry food, toys, water fountain, cat grass, etc.). I even put her favorite cat tree in the foyer, about eight feet away from the screen. 

The advantage this set-up provided is that, even when I wasn’t conducting play sessions, Muffs was free to approach the screen whenever she wanted and, in fact, she had to approach the screen if she wanted food, water, etc. Whenever she did, I could still see her…and, even when I was at work or in bed, Muffin could still approach the screen and see Abby through the glass. At some point during Week 2, Muffs started going to the screen more and more often. She even started sleeping in the cat tree I had placed in the foyer. In addition, during the second week, every night Muffin would rest at the foot of my bed for about 10 minutes, but would then leave the bedroom. After a few nights, I got curious and went to see where she was going. Lo and behold…she was sitting outside the dining room doors, watching Abby. I wasn’t sure whether she was showing interest, or was standing guard to make sure Abby didn’t escape and murder Muffs in her sleep!!

Now (finally) to get to the point. You obviously can’t replicate this set up…and an added complication in your case is that Snowball is the one confined, and not the one free to roam about. But anything you can do to increase her feeling in control of matters and/or to increase their time together at the gate, even when you’re not there to supervise, will help. After all, you can only do so many play sessions in any given day. For example, do you have a glass-paned door in any other room, that you could temporarily switch out with your bedroom door? Most doors are a standard size, so you could just pop one out and pop the other one in. That would allow you to leave the door closed and still allow the cats to see each other…and if you were to put everything that Hershey and Blizzy enjoyed in the general vicinity, that should increase the time they spend there…and hopefully allow Snowball to take notice of them more often. If a glass door is not an option, we need to find some way to ensure the valiant Sir Hershey stops jumping the gate, so that you can leave the bedroom door open more often (back to the balloon store!!). Anyway, it’s difficult for me to come up with too many ideas, since I don’t know what you have to work with. So, I’ll leave you to work with the general concepts outlined above and consider what else you might be able to do. And, remember, even after first meetings commence, the good things by the gate needs to continue for a while longer….but the more exposure they have to each other, the shorter the process will be. 

As for where to play when you get to face-to-face meetings. The guidance from my behaviorist was that the combined sessions should be in an open area. He advised me not to let Muffs & Abby remain together in a room with closed doors or in a contained area, where there was no ability (or perceived ability) for Muffin to get out – even though I was there to supervise (he said if Muffin perceived she had no escape, it would increase the intensity of her fear).

On the basis of that advice, I conducted the play sessions in the foyer, since it is totally open. He didn’t address whether it should be neutral territory, etc. However, in my case, Muffin was free to roam the house and she viewed the entire house as her territory – on top of which, my two were much younger (both less than six months), and territorial instincts aren’t very prevalent at that age. So, territory wasn’t an issue for me. I would pick a room that is very open and one in which Snowball feels comfortable. Your bedroom might be the best place to start, assuming it has an open, and not a contained, feel to it. In fact, your bedroom is to Snowball what my foyer was to Muffin. If the bedroom does not feel open, then perhaps you have another room that does (such as a combination family room-kitchen area with a number of entrances, or something similar). If so, between now and the time you do the open play sessions, you should try to make sure Snowball spends sufficient time on her own or with you in that area (perhaps during the room exchanges), so that she feels comfortable in whatever room you plan to use. 

Once again, good luck. I look forward to hearing more good news later today.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

You've given me food for thought on both subjects--keeping the gated area open more often, and where to have play sessions. It's not yet time for the latter (Snowball did some more hissing at Hershey this afternoon, and a combo of mock prey pounce towards him (not so bad) followed by three serious claw swipes (not so good) that backed him away for minutes, not seconds), so I'll focus on the former. I also tried giving them treats close to each other. Snowball must associate treats with my unpleasant attempt to socialize her and Blizzy at the beginning, when I used extensive treats. She stopped eating them, and she went after Hershey eating his by the gate. So it's like getting pigs to fly; can't work, and it annoys the pig. I'll try EVO dry food again next time.

I just dragged out the spring/summer screen door that normally goes on the front door to replace the storm door. It's bigger than the bedroom door opening, though not by much, and it's 72 inches high, so really jump-proof for them as it almost reaches the top of the opening (yes, I know they can climb screens, though--where there's a will...). Main problem is there is no clear way to hinge the door so I can get in and out. I might just tape it, but that will get messy. For now I'm leaving it propped against the gate, as it will take Hershey awhile to figure out what to do with this new foreign object. In no time they will knock the screen backwards, so I'll need a solution fast. Today started great, and Snowball still plays a lot and hangs out near the gate, but she is no friendlier towards Hersh. I do wonder if my spraying Feliway right by the gate the last three days has done as much as anything to promote this. On top of the CL and RR. Anyway, I'll keep doing it, twice a day. The diffuser didn't help.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 12: Started really well, as I reported this morning, but overall today was a clear step backwards.

I was delighted by the nosies between Snowball and Hershey this morning. But that was it. Several more times during the day, Snowball went up to the gate when Hershey was there, once after a nice catching prey crouch, but each time she took one or more swipes at him, usually with a hiss, to the point where he backed away six feet for a couple of minutes. There were a couple of more heartfelt hisses and swipes reserved from Blizzy when he ventured near the gate a couple of times. After dinner, Snowball climbed into her carrier in the bedroom, anticipating being carried downstairs. There, I managed to trim one nail on her right paw; she even emitted a low growl at me the fourth time I tried, reassuringly, to do further trimming. So as not to let her think her resistance is successful, I did hold her paw and stroked it for another 30 seconds, but without doing anything to it. When we came back upstairs, she went right up to the gate and to Hershey like last night, but instead of nosies she took a swipe at him, and he backed off.

The day was not a disaster, in that Snowball still stayed close to the gate much of the time, she also played a fair amount, though she also retreated to her safest spot in the bathroom a couple of times, too.

I have a screen partition that I can now lean against the gate, allowing some extra face time for the three of them, though at first I see that has caused Snowball to disappear out of view or to sit about 10 feet away. WHile I appreciate the words of support and encouragement I have received, as some of you have said, this is a slow process. Day 12 was not, overall , a day of progress, alas. I guess it's god that SNowball comes right up to the gate sometimes, now let's see if we can get it to be for the right reason more often!


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 13--Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, but Only Briefly

Opened the bedroom door this am, Hersh was by the gate, as usual. Snowball went up to him, and they had virtual nosies for 5 seconds. Virtual because it was just a little further away than before. However, over the next five minutes Snowball charged the gate four times, hissing and pawing once and pawing the other three times. It is highly unusual for her to charge the gate like this, so one could say she is getting more confident. But it was not playful pawing, to the point Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold decided to sit six feet away for awhile. During breakfast, Hershey was turned opposite the gate and Snowball (sometimes one or both of H and Blizzy face towards the gate, sometimes away, it doesn't affect anything). His tail extended through the gate, and without his noticing, Snowball quietly sniffed his tail (not his butt) for several seconds. Also, late last night, after I posted, I did one last play session, with both Hershey and Snowball with the snakelike fabric Cat Charmer, the newly placed screen door between them. Snowball came to the gate three times, sticking her paws through the gate bars to get at the fabric. I reached around the screen to let her touch it. Each time, after doing so, she jumped back a few feet. Hershey stayed a safe distance away from her, but the screen protected him anyway. So things are not so bad, but the hissing and unfriendly pawing are still very prevalent. I am hoping the greatly increased face time between them allowed by the screen both makes her more jumpy in the short run but accelerates the desensitization further over the next few days.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

I’m afraid I must make this brief since it’s becoming “one of those days”. As we both know, cats don’t like change…so, it’s likely that introducing the screen is a new element they first need to get accustomed to. Hopefully, that will happen in relatively short order. But, anything you can do to lengthen their time together in a non-threatening setting ought to help matters in the end. 

If, after a day or so, you’re still noticing negative reactions from Snowball, then perhaps this will end up being another bad idea of mine…which is bound to happen from time to time, although like you, I wish things would just go smoothly and we could avoid the bumps in the road. I remember how the integration often felt like an emotional roller-coaster ride. Let’s hope tonight you start to see more up than down. My fingers remain crossed and I’m remain optimistic about a happy ending here.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 13 Recap: she sniffed his butt! (though it's not as exciting as that comment may imply).

The screen was an excellent idea, because it greatly increases the face time among the three cats. Even though most of the day Snowball sleeps out of sight of it and the guys are downstairs, in the morning, in the evening, and whenever I come upstairs, everyone inevitably gathers by the gate for awhile, so that is a good thing. The guys spend much of their time just looking at Snowball through the gate and screen, and vice versa. Sometimes she plays and they watch. And while it's just her natural behavior, when she starts grooming herself in front of them, I swear it's just like she's showing off her beautiful self to them! (I believe it's actually her nervousness, though.) She still doesn't like it when I pet Blizzy, but I intend to get her used to it. 

Snowball did charge the gate and screen numerous times today, usually but not always accompanied by hissing. Occasionally she crouches down in "hunting prey" position, then charges, making it look like it might be play, until she hisses and swipes, but then she continues playing near the gate, so that is good. Just now she charged the gate, hissed once and swiped, hitting the screen, but then she reached through twice more daintily and quietly, reaching for Hershey, who by then had backed up by a foot and wasn't interested in finding out her intent. She's still Eliza D at heart, not yet a lady, but I'm hoping she'll see no reason for fear, particularly since I play with Hershey and Blizzy on the other side, so she sees them play just like she does.

The tush touch was at dinner. Figures that I said just this morning she had sniffed his tail but not his butt. Her food dish is now under 5 inches from the gate; Hershey and Blizzy's dishes are about 10 inches on the other side, leaving just enough room for me to swing the gate out and for them to face either way while eating. Hersh was again facing away, and this time Snowball came up just after I'd served them and was about to serve her. FIrst she sniffed his tail, then went right for the butt for a good sniff, totally calmly. Again, he didn't notice, as he was chowing down. By now Snowball is comfortable being close to the gate eating so long as she sees the guys are preoccupied eating as well, or have moved away.

What Went Well: Snowball continues her vigorous play in the early morning, is very affectionate when out in the house during room exchange, plays numerous times during the day, much more than before, and generally seems a happier cat than 10 days ago. And the guys are fine.

What Went Less Well: Even with CL, three drops of RR in the evening, and Feliway by the gate, Snowball continues to hiss more often than not.

Something Else I May Be Doing Wrong: while I have a number of their toys by the gate, the guys have numerous other places throughout the house to play. They wouldn't stay up there anyway, unless I am nearby. So not ALL good things happen by the gate for them. I hope that is not a problem.

An aside: I find it fascinating that both Snowball and Blizzy get off the kitchen counter or table as soon as I say in an even tone, not even raising my voice, "No. Get down." Hershey the Bold, on the other hand, has no problem jumping onto the kitchen counter, right next to me, while I am in the midst of making them dinner, and even though I have used various means other than physical punishment to dissuade him. And he has the nerve to cry as I pick him up off the counter and deposit him back on the floor! Indeed, after he finishes dinner upstairs, he now always disappears for a few minutes while I'm still behind the gate with Snowball. I'm sure he's scouting the kitchen counters for leftovers. I never leave anything there, but it doesn't matter. He's back at the gate before Snowball finishes eating, eyeing anything she has left in her food bowl. And that's what prompts him to jump the gate when he can. I had read Havana Browns were food as well as people oriented, but to see it in person is impressive. I do use Sticky Paws, but he's just a very strong-willed cat. Fortunately, he's a sweetheart and to date not in the least destructive, though he scratches his nails not only on the scratching posts but also on about 20 other places throughout the house, so it's hard to keep spraying everything else!. But let him/her who has the perfect cat kindly step forward and tell the rest of us how this is possible.

Tried to get a couple more shots of the trio to share; I'll take one near the gate when next I remember to have a camera handy. Snowball shot in the am.










I think my sign-off from now until things turn for the better will be Scarlett O'Hara's: "Tomorrow is another day!"


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Snowball’s charging against the gate is not a bad sign in itself. In fact, for a cat that only a few weeks ago was fearful and hiding, her willingness to now charge up to the gate is, I believe, a good sign. But I’m with you…I wish it weren’t accompanied by hissing. Is there any common denominator to the hissing? For example, does it matter where you are, whether or not Blizzy is in sight, what Hershey or Blizzy are doing at the time, or is there any other common (or predominant) factor involved? Also, after she hisses, what do you do?

The fact that the guys have toys throughout the house is not a problem at all; so, don’t worry about that. They’re not the ones being desensitized or conditioned. That is, if Snowball were willing, I suspect H&B would readily accept her – so, they don’t need to associate all “good things” with Snowball. It’s only important that all of Snowball’s comfort items be by the gate. I would, however, ensure that all of the guy’s food (wet and dry) and water is by the gate – simply in order to provide them with more reasons to visit the gate. In addition, if you regularly groom H&B, try to do that by the gate. And, if you have such things as cat grass or the like, also put it by the gate. Here again, in all cases, I make these suggestions solely to provide more opportunities/reasons for them to visit the gate. 

The only form of “punishment” I use with my two is a can filled with coins. I shake it and they instantly stop whatever they’re doing. They HATE the coin can! I suspect, however, you have tried that, and Hershey the Fearless was not impressed. I have found Sticky Paws to be of no use, other than to slow them down when they tried to jump the gate, allowing me a bit more time to nab them in the act.

The act of sniffing a butt is nothing more than curiosity…it is the offering of a butt by one to be sniffed by the other that signals friendship!! 

I take it the picture is of Hershey and Blizzy – as opposed to Hershey & Snowball. Not to worry, the day will soon come when you can take a picture of H&S sitting that close together. 

All in all, your “What Went Well” section is the most telling. As you say, Snowball is a much happier cat than she was 10 days ago. So, progress is being made. Rather than Scarlett O’Hara, let’s go with Annie, who sang “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow…”


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Always helpful Susan. If the charging is a good sign, then more good signs this morning, several of them, most accompanied by claw swipes. They happen when I'm on either side of the gate. I do try not to give her positive reinforcement for them, one reason I've been going out of my way to pet H & B in front of her. And it happens with only H, only B, and with both present, but the strongest reactions are always reserved for Blizzy. Food and water always by the gate, except the Drinkwell. And I agree, H and Blizzy aren't the problem, though Blizzy's reaction to Snowball's "harassment" will have to be addressed at some point. This morning, more of the same.

A coin can had not occurred to me. I have the coins, I have the cans, let's give it a try.

And Annie as opposed to Gone with the Wind? Uncanny (no pun intended). How did you know that I was living in NYC in 1979 and went to opening night of the Broadway musical "Annie"? So of course I prefer that "Tomorrow", though I'd prefer it if Snowball, Hershey and Blizzy would sing it in three-part harmony!


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Well, since there appears to be no common denominator to the hissing, we shall just have to trust it will subside with time. 

The coin can is feared by Muffin, Abby AND Neko. In fact, I no longer need to shake the can. I simply pick it up and show it to them, and they instantly stop whatever they're doing. I kid you not. They HATE the coin can.

Good luck tonight!


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 14 Bulletin: Drama at the Gate. Double nosies, triple even. Just before dinner, Snowball quietly sniffed noses with Hershey for a few seconds, then quietly shifted to do the same with Blizzy right next to him (Blizzy!--that's the first time ever), then back for another nose sniff with Hersh. Followed five minutes later by what would only be called footsies in a Fellini movie (not a "feline" movie"), somewhat twisted. Details at 11.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

That's GREAT...except now I have to wait for details!!


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 14 Recap: 

Much like the last two days, with one notable exception, as mentioned early this evening--the double/triple nose sniff. All right, don't want to overanalyze these things, but now that it has happened three times (evening of Day 11, morning of Day 12, and evening of Day 14), I'd like to increase the odds of its happening more often--though three times in four days, after none at all, is definite progress! 

Let me try to identify the common denominators among the episodes, as best I can, and see if you can provide insights. First, all three times Snowball was hungry, and as I've noted once or twice, she becomes more affectionate with me at those times. It seems to be a learned behavior to get food. Second, all three times it happened after the door had been closed for some time or everyone had been away from the gate for some time, and then we all came together. It's as if she has forgotten to be hissy and mean, behaves normally for a few seconds, then realizes where and who she is and reverts. I did try to reward her today by giving her some EVO dry pellets and lavish her with praise by the gate, but the time gap was about 10-15 seconds, so she probably did not make the connection. Third, connected to the second point, the meeting happens suddenly, with no premeditation. We all come together at the gate, and she is calm at first--not always, but these three times. That is all I see in common. One more thing. Twice the CL and RR had worn off, once it was in effect

What happens next is that she withdraws a few feet, but stays in view and usually keeps playing nearby. Very shortly thereafter, she charges the gate again, but this time hissing and with right paw waving. Tonight's Felliniesque (or is that felineiesque?) episode immediately followed the extended nosies. She reapproached the gate, but with hissing and several right paw swipes. Blizzy, who I think was genuinely excited that at long last she finally wanted to "play" with him (remember he's still only nine months old), offered several hand swipes of his own at her at the same time she went after him, but qualitatively his were play swipes. So it could have looked like a swift game of footsies, except her swipes were vigorous. Snowball then sat right at the gate, moan/growling ever so softly, as Blizzy and Hershey backed away a few feet. And then it ended, with Snowball going back about four feet and grooming herself.

I should have mentioned that last night, just before bedtime, I played Cat Charmer again with Hershey and Snowball, on Hershey's side, with the screen there. Snowball came up to the screen and put her paw through it a couple of times, with uncertain intent but no hissing. Hershey, the sensitive one, went over to one side of the gate, just after the screen ends, lay down and offered one paw half way out, almost touching the gate. Snowball did not move towards him, and after a minute or so, he moved back. She then moved back and lay down on her side and stretched out. That was when I first thought of the Fellini analogy. SOMETHING different was happening, but it was a bit bizarre and awkward.

So, that's it. Looking back, I agree there still has been substantial progress, and Snowball's newfound self-assurance at the gate is also a plus, as you said, Susan. But those serendipitous moments only last a few seconds; I'd like to prolong them. I will carry EVO food pellets with me from now on, but I will note that when I try giving treats to them all at the gate, Snowball does not react well when H&B get excited about their treats.

So the sun will come up tomorrow--or maybe next week! As I sign off, Blizzy is at the gate, playing, leaning forward trying to encourage Snowball's attention. I've got to give the little guy credit, one encouraging sign after weeks of rejection is all it took for him to reach out to her. I will refrain from any potentially sexist comments about her playing hard to get and its effect on him--since all three have been neutered, I will jsut assume that is not part of the equation!


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

MIDNIGHT BULLETIN--sorry, I just had to.

FOOTSIES!!! YES, FOOTSIES!!!! (of a sort). Felliniesque, but FOOTSIES!! I'll take anything close. Just came upstairs to go to sleep--everyone had been away from the gate for awhile. Snowball was at the gate, Hershey came up to the screen, and Snowball stuck her right paw through and waved it at him GENTLY. Then she did it again. Hershey just looked at her, so it was one-sided. Then Blizzy came up, saw her and crouched down in the play position. She of course hissed at him. These moments don't last long. But at least they are occurring. I just saw my first footsies. Never thought I would, though I do say never say never. They were Eliza Doolittle footsies, they were one-way, and the hisses were back soon enough, but maybe, just maybe, over time the footsies will bloom.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Quick Day 15 morning update--two instances of nosies, or virtual nosies (or let's say silence with noses virtually touching), one just before, one just after breakfast. PLus, Snowball decided to play vigorously around the bedroom right after breakfast, and Hershey was trilling and trying to get into the bedroom to play with her. The screen prevented it, and Snowball not only does not play well with others, she does not yet know how to play at all with others. But a good start to the day, as she alternated running around with looking at him.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Wrote all of the below before noticing your midnight bulletin and your morning bulletin (you’re now way too quick for me!!). Will post the below in unedited form, will then read your updates, and will follow with a quick update reply. 

Let’s start with your desire to increase the odds of it happening more often. First, I’m more than a little out of my element here, so the best I can do is to hazard a few guesses. 

It might be she’s happy to see you, since she has clearly developed a trusting relationship with you. If so, perhaps try to get to her side of the gate at the first opportunity and, when she withdraws from the gate, sit with her, play with her, etc…in the hopes of increasing her confidence and her comfort level. Although, it might be you already do this…in which case, that suggestion won’t be much help. 

If her mood is improved by food, it would help to find something that she enjoys from a treat perspective. I think at one point you said, Snowball is not very treat motivated…although perhaps the EVO dry now does the trick. To this day, Abby is not treat motivated…she thinks treats are little soccer balls to be batted around. The only thing that gets her immediate attention is some shredded chicken. So, might be worth a try, unless EVO dry is now working. 

I’ll let you know if anything else comes to mind. Although, at the end of the day, it might be that the only surefire solutions are patience and the passage of time (I know, I know…I didn’t like that part either!).

Fellini footsies. I don’t recall such incidents, but something similar must have happened in my case. My first record of footsies in my notes reads: “They tried to play footsies under the screen and it was much less aggressive than previous times.” Yet, having re-read my notes for the prior days, I have no record of these prior aggressive times. And, as I sit here today, I don’t recall such times (signs of MY advancing age!). But, given the above notation, some sort of aggressive footsies must have taken place, prior to the REAL footsies starting. So, don’t lose hope….I think the real deal is soon to come.

Finally, you’re true to your vocation when you assert in the one breath that you’re going to refrain from saying something and then, in the next breath, you proceed to say it! Although I’m with you…it’s safe to assume that playing hard to get is not part of the equation.

Good luck today…my fingers and toes remain crossed


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

TERRIFIC!! A great way to end the evening and a great way to start the morning. All good signs. I think it's just a matter of letting things run their natural course. Just as mine did, I expect your three will soon realize you're not just whistling Dixie and will ultimately play nice.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 15 Recap:

Today was a funny day. Funny strange, not funny ha-ha. Had nothing to do with its being tax filing day in the US. It started well, as noted above, but then my housekeeper came, and Vacuum Cleaner Lady upset everyone's biorhythms and sleep cycles. So not much in the way of playing or interaction tonight. It doesn't help that there were three furry mice in plain view as the day began, their favorite toys, my housekeeper swore she hadn't moved them, but they all disappeared--and are not under furniture, as far as I can tell. This probably happens all the time, but I've never seen all of them disappear at once. It also didn't help that she inadvertently left a closet door open, and Blizzy the choir boy ripped open a closed bag of EVO dry food (again!) and feasted enough that I may have to start calling him Blimpy--he slept through much of the evening. Snowball maintained her mild hiss/paw swipe posture, though I must say that when I told her in a stern but still mild tone, "that's not nice", she stopped it and remained in place near the gate. I'd like to believe she understands my message. Let's just call this a day of marking time. I hope with some renewed play time and normal activities tomorrow, les bon temps will again rouler.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 16 Morning: After a good night's sleep, the new normal returns. Snowball comes to the gate quietly, no hissing. When I close the door briefly, she reaches her paws under the door--could be a form of footsies, or more likely a mild form of telling Hershey to stay away, since he's crying before breakfast. Breakfast goes well, Snowball sniffs Hershey's rear leg while he's eating. Here's a picture of the three at the gate, somewhat hard to see but you can get the general idea. I have moved Snowball's dish within 1-1/2 inches of the gate, she's fine with that while everyone is eating. And I'm petting her lavishly at the gate, so long as she is not hissing.

Hoping for a hiss-free environment.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

If a stern but mild “that’s not nice” has kept the hissing at bay thus far, I’d keep delivering the message…as you no doubt are. Your morning post suggests that things are still looking up, and it’s a terrific sign that they are now comfortable eating so closely together. Let’s hope the petting and positive reinforcement by the gate also helps. 

Although baby steps are the mantra, you are now leaps and bounds beyond where you were 16 days ago. All positive signs!


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 16 Recap: I appreciate the positive reinforcement, Susan, because today seemed to start well and then went downhill. I heard more hissing from Snowball today than I've heard in several days. She seems often to have lost the "fear" part of fear aggression, but now the aggression part is manifesting itself. Morning was ok. When I replaced her missing mouse, she went bonkers, played really vigorously with it for 10 minutes, put on quite a show for the other three of us. But then, unfortunately, things turned. Blizzy showed up, a good 10 feet from the gate, and when Snowball saw him she immediately scrunched up her face into a big hiss. Blizzy ignored that and interpreted her mouse playing to mean she was in a playful mood, so with me on her side of the gate, he came up to the gate and gently extended his hand through a couple of times, to me a clear "I want to play" gesture. She came up and hissed loudly and batted at him about 6 times in quick succession, as he swatted back more playfully. This was beyond Fellini. She later swatted at Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold to the point he backed up a few feet and stayed there. He actually looked wary of her. She was more skittish eating her evening meal very near the gate than she has been in days. I then had to go out for the evening, came back an hour ago and there was one more episode.

The good news--I think-- is that Snowball is more vigorous and animated than I've seen her ever. She is also still very affectionate towards me. She has sudden bouts of fear still, but she often sits at or near the gate herself, so the fear component has greatly subsided, though it lurks just beneath the surface. As I said earlier, the "aggression" part is still clearly there and manifesting itself. I don't know where this is leading. Let's see what the weekend brings....

I thought one episode most fascinating, if discouraging. I've mentioned that I literally showed Snowball how certain toys operated, and then she would follow the leader a few minutes later, in her own way. So when Hersh extended his paws through the gate, I went up to him, and while looking at Snowball and then Hersh, I played "pawsies" with Hershey. I then went over to Snowball, who alternated between watching and grooming herself, and petted her. No fooling, less than a minute later she walked up silently to the gate, to Hershey, who was still right next to the gate--and proceeded to hiss and try to strike him right between the eyes. I've been petting Snowball a lot and praising her, and she's been reacting well to it so I would have hoped she was not jealous. Maybe someone else can psychoanalyze what is going on here. Hershey the Bold, Hershey the Fearless moved away from the gate for a long time (for him). She went after Hershey and Blizzy later on as well.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Just read your post. The aggression, minus the fear part, is highly unusual. As you know from your readings, as confirmed by all my experiences with Muffs, Abby & Neko, cats normally try to avoid actual confrontation with other cats, by posturing (hissing, arched backs, ear signals, tail thumping, you name it), and tend only to strike when they feel they have no alternative. So, it seems strange to me that she would be purposely attempting to strike or “attack” either Blizzy or Hershey if she’s, in fact, not fearful. I’ll give it some thought between now and next post, but right now I, like you, don’t understand this behavior.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

OK, thanks. But now I am terribly confused. I just went to put all the lights out. It's late, 1 am. I walked up the stairs, saw Snowball. Hershey, as usual, was ahead of me and went close to the gate--screen between him and Snowball. Snowby reaches her paw ever so gently through the gate, touches the screen, withdraws her paw, gently touches the screen again, withdraws it again and turns onto her side, in a lounging (not defensive) position. Hershey stays a few feet away. Snowball eventually gets up and moves a few feet from gate. I come in to type this, in the midst I hear a big hiss and a lunge against the screen. It's Snowby, because Blizzy, again mistaking her behavior for friendliness, has come up to the gate and is sitting there quietly. After this happens he slinks away. Sigh.... The one thing I am not confused about is that Snowball does not necessarily dislike Hershey, but Blizzy seems clearly to rub her the wrong way.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Thus far, I’ve only managed to come with five potential reasons for Snowball’s behavior. Only you can assess whether one, some combination or none of these reasons might apply.

#1 – Blizzy. This potential reason flows from comments you’ve made at various times, and you’ve already noted Blizzy as a potential issue. Would it be possible to take Blizzy out of the equation for a day or so – if only to determine what, if any, change that makes. Perhaps let him play in another room somewhere while you and Hershey are at the gate. If there is no discernable difference in Snowball’s behavior, then presumably Blizzy is not the problem, and conversely. If Blizzy is the issue, I’m not sure how you go about solving the problem – but before worrying about that, it would be helpful to first determine whether or not Blizzy is a contributing factor.

#2 – The room exchanges. In your posts of the past 3 or 4 days, you haven’t mentioned the room exchange, which might simply mean there was nothing to discuss, or it might mean you are no longer doing the room exchange. If it’s the latter, then her behavior could be related to confinement and/or territorial issues, and it would be wise to re-commence the exchanges. 

#3 – The screen. This charging up to the gate seems to have started at or around the time you added the screen into the mix. Could the screen be the problem? If so, consider removing the screen at least for awhile.

#4 – CL/RR. Has there been any change (in particular, decline) in the amount of CL/RR Snowball is receiving (either amount or frequency)? If so, consider going back to the amount/frequency previously used.

#5 – This reason only applies to yesterday – but, things might have ended on a funny note since you were out for the evening and her normal routine was disrupted. I guess you’ll only know whether or not this reason applies if things change for the better today. 

If you don’t believe any of the above is a likely contributing factor, then it’s back to the drawing board. 

The only other thing I can suggest (and this suggestion only applies to the evenings) is to reduce the lighting when they’re together at night (dim lights if you have a dimmer, turn off the bedroom ceiling light in favor of a lamp, etc.). Whenever my two got too antsy, I would dim the lights in the dining room and the foyer, which always seemed to relax them.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks, Susan. Appreciate your logically trying to isolate the reasons. Among them, number 1 and your light-dimming suggestion are the ones most relevant. Blizzy is an issue, sometimes, but just as clearly sometimes he is not, as he isn't around when it happens. But I am going to experiment with that. I have continued room exchanges each day, except last night when I was out, and they contribute to Snowball's energy level, I think. Screen--this behavior happens both with screen present and with it absent, and the making nice behavior also happens with and without screen. Snowball had started coming up to gate more often, and swiping, before screen, and her hanging around gate and screen more is a natural progression over time, as she has become less fearful. CL/RR is same each day, CL in morning and evening, RR (first 2, last week 3 drops) in evening. Last night, I would have thought lack of room exchange and my absence would have bothered her, since it's the longest I've been gone in evening since this started. Wasn't the case. She was hungry, and very eager to see me.

Day 17 morning--I opened the door this morning, and Snowball went up to Hershey (there alone) and also had nosies for 4 seconds, before walking away. I closed door, opened it a short time later, this time with Hershey and Blizzy there, and Snowball again went near both but remained quiet. Breakfast was fine, they ate so close Hershey's tail was overlapping Snowball's body as she ate. 

I go back to the hunger factor. Snowball seems nicest when she's hungriest. Maybe her focus on food, and getting me to feed her, blocks out the fear and aggression. Don't know, but that's the most consistent element I see.

More tonight.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 17 Recap: Aggression

As I noted earlier, the day started well. Mealtimes are still fine, in that I can watch three contented cats slurping, licking and munching their meals within inches of each other on either side of the gate. (It sounds really good!) Snowball clearly acts more confident, including during the room exchange tonight, As I write this, I'm having a devil of a time getting her to come back upstairs and into her carrier. She is running around the house, going onto counters she has never hopped onto before (but she gets down as soon as I tell her nicely to do so). She is as energetic as I've ever seen her, though the fear remains just a millimeter beneath the surface and comes up whenever she hears anything untoward. She has just now come into the computer room upstairs to find me, another first, and together we just went back to her carrier and I put her back in her room. Things like this blow me away, because even though she is showing more independence, she also listens to me a lot and understands what I am communicating to her. I had to laugh when shortly after dinner I came into her room and she was already in her carrier (presumably awaiting the room exchange!).

I need to turn to the aggression, as this is now for me the dominant focus; everything else was pretty much the same today, except for her energy/independence in the house. Let me describe the episodes, so perhaps someone can help me decipher what is going on. After the quiet start to the morning, I had a nice play session with Snowball at mid-day. The screen was not up. Hershey was there, but not Blizzy, for the moment. Suddenly, Snowball went into her carrier, which is about eight feet from the gate. She stayed there for about 10 seconds, then ran halfway towards the gate and hunched down into the prey pounce position. She stayed there for about 10 seconds, then pounced on Hershey at the gate, hissing and trying to hit him between the eyes again with her paws. Once. He backed off. She then went back to playing, about three feet form the gate, as if nothing had happened. Three more times she went to the gate and hissed at Hershey in the next 10 minutes, without swinging at him. By then Blizzy was there as well. Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold now backs off whenever Snowball comes near the gate.

Lunch followed soon thereafter, uneventfully. Mid-afternoon we had another play session. This time Blizzy was at the gate as well as Hershey. At one point Snowball crouched down, prey pounce position, so I distracted her. I distracted her a few more times. A short time later, though, she ran at the gate, at Blizzy, and the two of them exchanged rapid-fire paw swipes, about seven or eight, with Snowball hissing and pawing madly (it seemed), Blizzy more waving his paw in a playful manner. She then went back to playing. In the next 10 minutes, Snowball ran up to the gate another 3-4 times, this time not hissing, just running up. By then both Hershey and Blizzy knew to back off as she approached. Presumably, mission accomplished for her!

Is that perhaps what is going on? Is she trying to establish her position with them, now that she is not just afraid of them? She seems comfortable resuming her play activity as soon as she is done at the gate, or she sits down about three feet back of the gate but in full view. Occasionally she goes out of sight, but quickly comes back. She shows no interest in playing with them. She does come right back to where I am standing, oftentimes, so I feel when I am on her side of the gate I serve as a security blanket. And I do have to stand near her as she eats for her to eat within a few inches of them. By the way, she is also eating her meal in one tranche; previously she often would interrupt once or twice over a 10 minute period, eating a little, backing off, then coming back and eating some more. All part of her greater confidence, I presume.

I am willing to keep on like this for awhile, on the assumption this too may morph into something more benign over time. But if there is something I should be doing, like always interrupting her before she can charge the gate, then I can modify what I am doing. The hissing sessions, when they occur, only last about 1 or 2 seconds, except for the quick donneybrook with Blizzy, which went on for maybe double the time.

I thought perhaps she is not just Eliza Doolittle and Glenn Close, but maybe also Greta Garbo and just wants to be alone, and that's her message to them. We can work that out in the house, but only if she's comfortable enough to move about when she needs to. That was not the case when Hershey and Blizzy entered her life.

Totally separately, the last three days Blizzy has started the practice of licking my fingers once or twice a day. I don't think they are finger-lickin' good, in that there is nothing delectable on them that I know of. If he's grooming me, great. Hershey also did it once, but I thought he was jealous since he'd seen Blizzy do it first. Just an aside.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

I LOVED the part about Snowball going to her carrier awaiting the room exchange. That is so sweet. I didn’t love the rest of your story. You’re now starting to see behavior that I never saw – and your guess is as good as mine as to what might be provoking Snowball’s recent aggressive actions or how to discourage this behavior.

Rather than my exercising guesswork, I’m going to throw this one open to other forum members who might have more relevant experience – whether as a result of a difficult cat integration, having worked with ferals, or having any other applicable knowledge. 

So, how about it guys (and gals)…anyone out there with any ideas or suggestions?


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## ChelleBelle (Sep 14, 2009)

Sadly, NewRescueDad, your cat is where my cats stand. Bella, my kitten, is in the boat of your Hershey, she is not fearful of anything and will approach the gate no matter what.

Brandy shows the aggressive display of rushing the gate and swiping paws at Bella, whenever she gets upset. This has been going on for over three months now, and we are in a boat because we are scared to let them be near each other without the protection of the gate Brandy will jump on and fight with Bella.

A couple things we believe it is from: Territoral aggression, jealousy, or playing. I've noticed the past two weeks it has gotten a lot better. I will sit in front of the gates with the girls and give them small treats and "Talk" to them. Telling (mainly) Brandy and Bella that they are friends, and shouldn't fight. I have no idea if Brandy is starting to get the picture. But, instead of rushing the gate everytime she sees Bella, she has gone down to maybe 1-3 times a day. A DRASTIC improvement for us.

In your case, I believe Snowball wants to claim you as hers, and it's from jealousy or telling the boy's to back off and give her space. Sorry I can't really offer suggestions, but I hope you find something that works, because I REALLY am interested what might work for you.

'Chelle


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks, Susan, as always. Your suggestions have been incredibly helpful to date. I am sorry that our situations have now diverged a bit, but I am glad you have encouraged others who might have experience socializing a fear-aggressive cat who is losing the fear but keeping the aggression to step forward if they have any suggestions.

ChelleBelle, I'm sorry you've been in a similar situation, though I'm glad to hear you say it's been getting better--even if it's taken three months. You know how frustrating it is. Snowball is still civilized first thing in the morning, meaning first time I open the bedroom door in the morning, she goes up to the other two (who are by then waiting at the gate) and silently looks at them, 1 or 2 inches away, for some seconds before withdrawing. However, it isn't long before she resumes the charge/hiss.

Your comment about jealousy is an intriguing one. I've commented several times that I purposely started petting Hershey and Blizzy in front of Snowball, to signal to her that they were friends/part of the family, and that each time I did so she would immediately walk out of view or start grooming herself. I did not want to ascribe it to jealousy, as that seemed too anthropomorphic, but it makes some sense to me. I am also petting Snowball A LOT near the gate, both for her to feel it as a good thing and to reassure her that she is a valued member of the family. She likes that petting. Territorial aggression? I can see that, too, since she is feeling more secure in herself and becoming a much more active player in her bedroom. Rough play? She plays pretty roughly with the mouse now that she is more active. So I could see elements of all three coming into play.

Last night, just before lights out, I was on the computer when I heard a ruckus from the gate. Blizzy the choir boy had slid between the screen and gate and was reaching for Snowball, who was batting and hissing at him, then went into a defensive side crouch for the first time, and Blizzy would not back away until I got there. This morning started out benignly again, then after breakfast the same charging the gate behavior. Just after, when I opened the gate, I wasn't fast enough and both of the em slipped right by--Hershey because Snowball had left a very few morsels of food in her dish, and he's totally food driven, and Blizzy because he follows Hershey. Snowball went into a defensive crouch, hissed very loudly, then retreated to her safe space in the bathroom. Nothing else happened, as I got them out of the bedroom pronto, and the rest of the day has gone quietly. But I fear I may have taken what Susan has referred to as a big step back, compared to the baby steps forward.

ChelleBelle, are you using Composure Liquid and Rescue Remedy like I am? I also spray Feliway by the gate. I will try Spirit Essence soon if the aggression does not subside, but I first want to see if it's something I can train her out of while on CL and RR. And I'm going to make an extra effort to assure Snowball she's important but don't know what to do to make her accept the others are also part of the household.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

ChelleBelle,

I do think you're on to something. Of course, you know from experience. Just after my last post, I went into Snowball's room to pet her. I started petting her. She then moved away, in order to charge the gate and shoo Hershey further away. She then came right back to me and climbed onto my jeans. That did sure seem both territorial and jealous/I am hers. Question is what I should do about it.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

How to deal with a jealous female, he asks. Well, well, well…I’ve now gone from swimming in the deep end to wading in murky waters!! 

I agree that ChelleBelle might be on to something here – and rather than dismissing anthropomorphism, we might as well allow for the possibility, particularly given your recent experience with Snowball. I never encountered jealousy with Muffs & Abby, so I have no direct knowledge here. However, I know of no other way to deal with this issue than to presume the cause of and the solution for the jealousy would be the same as that for people. If it’s true that cats experience emotions similar to humans, then jealousy would make sense in Snowball’s case – since the cause stems from insecurity, being deprived of attention or affection in the past, a lack of self-confidence, immaturity, etc., all of which apply in her case. The solution to dealing with jealousy is two-fold – and my comments here are drawn from raising my children (particularly at the baby/toddler stage), which is the most analogous situation. 

First, make her understand that attention and affection is not in short supply – that the attention you show H&B does not reduce the attention she receives. Thus, rotate affection amongst H, B & S, so that Snowball starts to learn that there’s plenty of affection to go around. Each time after you pet H or B, come round to pet Snowball. Talk softly to Snowball while you’re petting H or B, and vice-versa. If possible, play with Snowball when you’re petting H&B near the gate, and vice-versa. I’m not sure how close you are to the gate and/or whether play would be possible – but, for example, could you be petting one cat on one side of the gate, whilst dangling Cat Dancer through the other side of the gate. 

Second, don’t reward any jealous behavior (i.e., the charging and hissing). So, don’t let her climb back on your jeans. Get up and walk around, move closer to the gate and pay attention to H or B, go to the other side of the gate…you’ll likely need to experiment here. After a few minutes, go back to Snowball. If she starts with the charging and hissing again, get up again. She needs to learn that accepting, or at least tolerating, H&B leads to greater reward than charging and hissing (I presume you’re still using a stern “No” when she charges the gate). Regrettably, convincing her that there’s plenty of attention to go around will likely take a while – particularly if you’re the only source of affection she has known in her life (which is probable).


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## ChelleBelle (Sep 14, 2009)

Actually, NewRescueDad, I've stopped using RR and am using Ultimate Peacemaker from Spirit Essence. The three essence of Bully, Self-Esteem, and Peacemaker. It seems to be helping. Though, what do I know? I still use CL in combo though. 

Honestly, I try not to express human emotions in animals, but Brandy has lead me to believe she experiences jealousy, or whatever the feline equivalent would be. For example, I have been doing experiments between the two. I was told to put Brandy behind the gates for so many hours a day to force her to accept Bella.

The first couple days was horrid, Brandy howled and hissed and growled everytime she saw Bella. After a couple days, she got more "accepting". Now, my Fiance and Father can come near the gate with Bella nearby and Brandy just wants your attention and only gets hissy at Bella if she comes near the gate. But, if she sees Bella anywhere near me in her view sight she seems to get very upset and goes ballistic. Only reason I can attribute this to is either jealousy or she considers me her territory. (Note: Only this behavior happens if she is BEHIND the gates stuck in the "cat room". Not on the outside running free through the house.)

But, I agree with Susan, if you are on Snowball's side of the gate and she rushes B & H, don't reward her with your attention. Tell her "NO!" firmly, and ignore her, step away from her if she brushes against you, and try to speak only to H & B. This seems to have helped Brandy some. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, I sit at the gate with in easy reach of both girls and will feed them a couple treats while speaking to both. It is taking tiny steps, but over all I have started to see a shifting in Brandy's aggression. She will not go ballistic on Bella or me if I am giving her food with Bella near.

'Chelle


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 18--Cat Dancer--A Full Contact Sport Kitty Toy!

Well, what an adrenalin-pounding ending to an otherwise uneventful day! By "uneventful", all I mean is that the aggression I noted earlier remained largely under control the rest of the day, in that I distracted Snowball each time she was poised to rush the gate (numerous times), gave her lots of petting time, dinnertime was uneventful, and she spent 90 minutes in the rest of the house, including purring like crazy and falling asleep in my lap before she had to go upstairs. It was cute to see her go into her carrier right after finishing dinner. I told her we had to wait awhile (as I like the CL and RR to kick in first). 

But the evening certainly ended with a bang/flourish. Not sure what to make of it. I decided to take Susan's advice about using Cat Dancer. I knew they all love it, did not think it likely I could pet Hershey or Blizzy with one hand and play Cat Dancer with her with the other, as they would be too attracted to the toy. Indeed. What transpired was beyond Fellini, all over a five-minute period.

First I played Cat Dancer alone with Snowball, while on the other side of the gate from her. The guys were wreaking havoc elsewhere in the house, since I'd just exchanged their rooms back. As I expected, it wasn't long before Hershey showed up, and he went wild trying to get at the Cat Dancer. Forget petting. So I thought I'd alternate playing CD with her and him. With H there and the Cat Dancer dangling before her near the gate, Snowball crouched down in to the prey pounce position and ran right past it and tried to swat Hershey. I said "NO" and took the CD away. Snowball immediately backed up, crouched down in prey pounce, and ran to pounce on her furry mouse, six feet away. She then played vigorously with it for about 10 seconds, prey pounce, back to gate (I said no), prey punce and back to furry mouse. So it "seemed" like the gate rush was just part of rough play, or would had I not witnessed the past three days. 

Next I started played CD with Hershey at the gate. Snowball ran over, started swatting at Hershey multiple times through the gate. Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold, hershey the Playful ignored her swats, except he swatted back while still grabbing the CD in his mouth. He then growled (I wan't sure it was him at first, as he has NEVER growled in the two months I've had him). He then growled again, still holding the CD in his mouth, and started walking away from the gate with it. Snowball retreated into her carrier, briefly. I led him back to the gate and played with it again. I then dangled it on Snowball's side. Snowball emerged from her carrier and came running towards the gate again. Hersh backed away just enough not to get swatted. I told Snowby "NO" and took the CD away, started playing with Hersh again. Snowby then lies down about a foot from the gate, turns upside down, stretches her body way out and starts reaching up to play with the CD. I thus dangled it close to her, and she played with it upside down! Back and forth I went between the two of them--Snowball alternated playing with running and jumping UP on her scratching post, which is also within two feet of the gate, scratching the heck out of it, bit it once, then resumed playing in the next breath. Hershey would clang against the gate whenever it wasn't his turn. FInally, Snowball went out of sight and lay down for a minute, and we all (OK, just me) exhaled. What the heck just happened???

If there's a fine line between rough play and aggression, I think I was witnessing it. Snowball may have been trying to shoo Hershey away, but it didn't come close to working. But she was clearly in the mood to play, so I kept going. Hersh is always in the mood to play, and he's quite insistent on doing what he wants to do, not easily deterred. Hence the growls, though he never lost his playfulness. I tried to discourage Snowball from charging Hersh, but it is interesting that even when they went paw to paw, she never really hurt him, despite the fact she was swinging and he wasn't backing off at all because **** it, he was playing with the Cat Dancer and that's all there is to it! It was after that that she lay down, turned upside down, stretched out and played with the CD in that position. OK, if we're going to be anthropomorphic, does she like strong, macho men who also have a sensitive side and thus aren't out to get her?

I'll leave it there, but it was not actually a negative experience. Intense, frenetic at times, but maybe there's a path here to get Snowball to play nicer over time and to channel that aggression into play. Don't know where this will lead, but it's worth doing again. Anyway, for now she is more Glenn Close--an athletic Glenn CLose--than Eliza D.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 19 Morning--Oh, if every morning could only be like this!!

I started by giving Snowball some good petting attention, after she had started the day with vigorous playing with her mouse. The usual first contact between S and H&B was fine. Shortly thereafter, she charged the gate, but silently, so I was quiet. A minute later she charged it again and hissed a little. I said "NO, bad girl" and she immediately responded by going behind the door, out of sight. I then left to get breakfast for them. Breakfast went smoothly, with S having a good appetite and eating a few inches from them in silence, as usual. Afterwards, she resumed playing. She went near the gate a few times, stared at Blizzy, but I petted her and told her to behave, and she did not charge the gate a single time. She then kept playing with her toys for a good 10 minutes, sometimes within 2 feet of the gate, with me on both sides of the gate--a happy cat, playful, Snowball. And the CC hadn't even kicked in yet. Of course, Hershey was staying a good foot behind the gate, too, not right at it. But I'll take it!


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Well, you’re too quick for me once again! I logged onto the Forum to respond to your post of last night, only to see your morning post. The morning sounds like it went reasonably well. Let’s hope this will be a good day. The balance of my response pertains to last night’s post. 

Well, I have read your post, including both what you wrote and what you didn’t write – and it’s what you didn’t write that I find most telling. First, I see absolutely no reference to the word “hiss”. Am I to assume she was not hissing yesterday – or, at the very least, was not hissing during the evening Fellini flick? If so, then it seems to me that Snowball is now trying to play, which is a VERY good sign. 

The second thing missing from your story was any reference to Blizzy. Was Blizzy a supporting actor in the flick? A spectator? Or was choir boy off in another part of the house trying to tear open a bag of EVO dry? If he was in the vicinity, that’s a good sign (i.e., Snowball was fully willing to play even in his presence). If Blizzy was elsewhere, it might indicate that you should try a few more sessions with H&S alone to see how things go. (Having now read your morning post, it seems like Blizzy is in the mixand, if so, that’s great.) 

The CD is a great toy to play with both kitties at once, since cats love it, they never seem to tire of it, and you can easily switch the CD from one side of the gate to another. So, let’s try that one again. When Snowball charges against the gate, you will need to assess whether she’s trying to get at Hershey or simply trying to catch the CD and join in the fun. If she’s trying to get at Hershey, then I would do exactly what you did – say “No” and move the CD to Hershey’s side and away from Snowball. Alternatively, if she’s just trying to catch the CD, then perhaps move it a bit closer to her and let her enjoy the catch. 

I wouldn’t worry about Hershey’s little growl. That was likely just a “This is MY toy. Go get your own. And, by the way, I’ve had just about enough of you, lady. So, enough already”. Seems to me, she listened! 

Looking forward to hearing about your next CD session....and here's hoping that the balance of today goes as well as the morning.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 19 Recap--Let's Cut to the Chase, or Rather to the Cat Dancer

The last ten minutes tonight were almost as fascinating as, and somewhat less frenetic than, yesterday. And I almost had an entirely hiss-free day, spoiled at the very end, kind of like a no-hitter broken up with two outs in the ninth. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, room exchange all went smoothly, with little interaction between Snowball and the guys but she was inches away when they ate and she played in full view of them. I managed to distract her the few times she was tempted to hiss.

When the room exchange was over tonight, Snowball stayed in her open carrier, and I went downstairs (Hershey in tow) to get the Cat Dancer. Snowball was at the gate as I returned. I scooped up Blizzy and put him in a side room temporarily. I then started playing Cat Dancer with Hershey next to the gate. Hershey went bonkers over it, jumping, boxing the cardboard end and generally carrying on--all just out of Snowball's reach. Snowball looked eager to play, watching intently. I then allowed Snowball to play with it on her side, and she carried on somewhat like Hershey, batting it and jumping around, though she stopped after about 15 seconds (typical for her when she's not used to playing with something). I went back to Hershey with it. Snowball started poking her paws through the gate, to get at the Cat Dancer (!!). After she did that a few times, I moved the CD towards her, so she could reach it through the gate. That Hershey is one smart cat, as I keep saying. As excited as he was, he saw it was Snowball's "turn" and stayed seated, watching, when she played. Snowball turned onto her side, stretched out with her paws through the gate and played with the CD that way for about 30 seconds, including upside down again briefly, like last night. When she stopped responding to it, but stayed in place, I went back to Hersh for one last round. She watched, then let out a quiet, low moan. That's a prelude to a hiss for her, so game was over. I gave Hershey one last quick round, took the CD away, ran to get treats and offered her one at the gate. I should have used EVO dry, as she took it into her mouth, then let it drop. Hershey took his. She then gave a short hiss to Hershey, I said "NO, bad girl" and she ran back into her carrier.

I put the screen back, got Blizzy and let him out. He immediately ran towards the screen, was met by Snowball, who hissed loudly at him and batted at the gate. I said "NO" even louder and she retreated into her carrier again (it's six feet away). Door closed, game over. I came SO close to a hiss-free day. Have I mentioned before that Snowball just doesn't like Blizzy? I will continue to let Hershey and Snowball play together, without Blizzy, to see if I can build that relationship. He's the alpha cat anyway, so that had been my intention all along.

Of course I am pleased with the results, despite the little hiccup at the end. Both Snowball and Hershey, second time around, seemed to know how to play with Cat Dancer in an alternating manner, and today Snowball's paw pokes through the gate were designed to play, not to attack Hershey. Indeed, I should pause (pun intended) here, as this was the first time Snowball has clearly reached through the gate to play with a thing, as opposed to get at a cat. Of course, tonight Hershey helped the hiss-free environment by staying a respectable 18 inches away from the gate at all times WHILE WE PLAYED (not at other times)--he wasn't taking any chances, nor did he lose his head over CD as he did last night.

So if the hypothesis is right that Snowball just doesn't know HOW to play with others, this may have been a good first step in teaching her, together with last night. I spent a lot of extra time petting and talking to her today, and she still does seem to react more immediately than the guys to my tone of voice when I express my displeasure. So a positively uneventful day, with a small step forward this evening. I'll try Cat Dancer again tomorrow, hoping she grows more fond of it over time, not bored, as she has grown to love her furry mouse. And she does learn by watching Hershey play with it, I'm pretty sure. Signing off for tonight.


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Hectic day, so I must be brief – although there’s only so much that needs to said on your Day 19 in any event. 

First, FABULOUS progress. Simply getting Snowball to be able to play with Hershey close by, as opposed to hissing and charging at Hershey, is a HUGE step forward. I agree with your decision to let H&S play together, without Blizzy in the picture. I think that will simplify and accelerate the process. I also suspect Snowball will be more receptive to Blizzy after she’s more comfortable with Hershey. Keep trying the CD. If they start to get bored, there are other games that can be easily played with the two of them either side of the gate…but, for now, let’s see how long CD holds their interest. 

It appears to me that, while you were playing with H&S, you were on Hershey’s side of the gate. Perhaps also try it with you on Snowball’s side of the gate, to see if that makes her feel even more comfortable (it might make no difference, but no harm in experimenting). In the meantime, put choir boy in the bathtub with a ping-pong ball…no water in the tub, of course!!


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 20 Recap--More Encouraging Signs, A VERY NEW Development, but with Ups and Downs. I ordered Spirit Essence Peacemaker today, anticipating it may come in handy in the days to come

What Went Well: Snowball spends a lot of time right at the gate now. She also hangs out about two feet away when Hershey is there. When Blizzy is also around, she is sometimes there, sometimes not. She was generally in a good mood, and I petted her a lot near the gate. Her appetite is up, and she eats most of her meal in one sitting each time.

What Went Less Well: Negative vibes with Blizzy. Tonight, just seeing him sent her back into her carrier, after a reasonably successful play session. earlier this evening, I mistakenly left a small gap between the screen and gate that Blizzy slithered through to get near Snowball, and all heck ensued briefly once again.

The VERY NEW Development: Before dinner, a hungry Snowball was hanging by the gate, and I've observed previously that she is at her nicest when hungry. Hershey came to the gate, without Blizzy. Snowball and Hershey proceeded to do nosies for 10 seconds (a new [personal record (PR)). And that isn't even what was very new. I tried immediately to play with them both, with Cat Charmer, which was closest. Hershey was on, but not Snowball. I closed the door briefly, and when I opened it, Snowball came back to the gate, lay down on her side, head right at the gate, stretttttched out and reached her paws through the gate gently. Twice. The meaning was unmistakably friendly. Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold is by now wary of her at the gate, so he crouched uncertainly near her. I had put BLizy in a side room momentarily. They stayed in this posture for awhile, then Hersh moved to one end of the gate and stuck his paw through. Snowball crouched down in prey pounce position, then ran to his paw and swiped her right paw through the gate several times at him. He jumped back, and even I wasn't sure of her intent, though probably from context it was a misguided attempt to play. The moment was over, though, as she ran back, and it was time for dinner anyway. But it was the most encouraging moment to date.

The later play session: Each night is different, and tonight fit the pattern, though not as good as last night. I tried playing Cat Dancer from Snowball's side. It didn't work well, for several reasons, including Hershey not getting the same freedom of movement and Snowball not being enticed to the gate by my playing with Hershey and poking the CD through the gate towards her while playing, which excites her interest towards the gate. She played CD more haltingly this time. SO I switched sides. Hershey loved it, as usual, but he was distracted by the sound of Blizzy playing with a ping-pong ball in the bathroom, where I had deposited him. Snowball broke off from CD to play with her furry mouse that was nearby. Snowball ran to her scratching post more often, showing some nervousness. But it was a mild success overall, just not as smashing as I had hoped given what had transpired earlier with Hershey. Snowball is still halting, not sustained in her interest or self-confidence, but it continues to grow.

With malice towards none, with charity towards all. With the benefit of the education i have received the past three weeks, I can now see that by rushing the introduction between Snowball and Blizzy more quickly than they were ready for when there were only two of them in the house, I helped create a negative impression that will take a long time to overcome. I did try the gradual, sense by sense introduction, but given what I now know about Snowball, she was not ready for Blizzy to be let out in the house with her as soon as I did. So it is not her fault she doesn't like him, and we have to break the cycle somehow. That is why I have ordered Spirit Essence on top of the CD and RR, and if I can get Snowball and Hershey to get along, I will then work very slowly on those two. I am now waiting for that epiphanal moment when Snowball and Hershey together first think, "He/she likes me, he/she really likes me!"


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

All in all, a good day…footsies sounds like they’re right around the corner. 

What on earth possessed you to go to Snowball’s side of the gate when playing CD? I think whichever fool told you to do that should now suggest you go back to Hershey’s side! 

Don’t bother second-guessing what you earlier did with Snowball and Blizzy, since that might not be the reason for the current “bad blood” between S&B in any event. Her reaction to him might be the fact that he’s not as sensitive as Hershey, he’s younger and likely more rambunctious, or perhaps he’s currently sending off eye, ear or tail signals that you’re not picking up on. There could be all sorts of reasons. 

Not much more can be said, other than to keep doing what you’re doing, and to continue to work with Hershey and Snowball alone, with Blizzy out of the picture for now. Once Hershey and Snowball are comfortable with each other, and Snowball learns that having another cat in the picture is not so bad after all, I suspect it will be easier to integrate Snowball and Blizzy. 

Good luck tomorrow!


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Footsies! I didn't even call it that, maybe because in my mind's eye, footsies is somewhat different from what I witnessed and would involve both parties reaching through the gate interactively. But given the awkwardness of the socialization progress to date, you are right, footsies (of a sort) it was!

This morning started calmly, but with a hiss before 8. During breakfast, Hershey, who had finished his, reached through the gate and tried to steal some of Snowby's meal. Without looking up, she batted at him once with her LEFT paw (she always uses her right)--and this time she was in the right. Hershey left her alone thereafter, until she finished. We then had a good play session with Da Bird (I know, I'm doing them in reverse, but for some reason Snowball doesn't enjoy the interactive games before breakfast, just her mouse. I got her to eat a little more afterwards). It was cool to watch Snowball for the first time leaping up to catch the Bird overhead as it flew past, just like Hershey and then she had done with the Cat Dancer the past three days. Snowball has just learned this from Hershey, as she had never played that way before, always staying crouched down and pouncing. This is good!


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

Well, many of us have been known to hiss before 8 if we haven’t had our coffee. So, not to worry about that. Footsies (of a sort) would be a good description…not quite the real thing….but that’s soon to come. The positive sign is that you’ve earlier characterized Snowball as being very interested in her food. Yet now when Hershey tries to steal her food, she doesn’t hiss, or prepare for a fight, or run away in fear. She doesn’t even look up! She just gives him a quick “In your dreams, buddy…” and keeps eating. Very good news. It’s also great that she’s learning to play and emulating Hershey. Good luck today…looking forward to more good news later.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 21 (already?)--Another Up and Down Day

What Went Well: Several instances of nosies between Snowball and Hershey; it looks like a friendship could be close to forming. Almost footsies--tantalizingly close, and not one, but two episodes. First, this morning, Snowball turned onto her side near the gate, reached her paws through, but Hershey was unsure of her intentions, and she pawed at him too hard. Second time, midday, Hershey, emulating Snowby (I keep saying, he's one smart cat) comes to the gate, lies down on his side, and gently puts his paw through the gate towards her. After remaining motionless for awhile, she aims a paw swipe at him with laserlike speed, causing him to withdraw. Other times, she charged the gate, whether playful or not, with such verve that Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold does not stay within paw reach most of the time when she's near. I did try to trim her nails this evening, but she was borderline hyper and became very fearful after I got one nail barely done, so I stopped. It caused her almost to hide for 10 minutes before I could get her back into her carrier to complete the room exchange. Something traumatized her in the past that makes it hard to touch her paws now. Another thing that went well was the room exchange. Snowball had some pent up energy and literally ran around the main living area several times. She also went up the cat tree in the family room for the first time in maybe six weeks. She also scaled my kitchen counter, though she got off as soon as I said no. It was good to see her burn off some of that nervous energy. Also, almost forgot, this morning she played with Da BIrd, and for the first time she jumped up high to try to reach the Bird. She must have learned this from Hershey the past three days from my alternating Da Bird play with them on each side of the gate.

What Went Less Well: She still blows hot and cold with Hershey. Just now, after I released her from her carrier in her room, she crouched down and ran 10 feet to the gate after Hershey, who backed away. She did not hiss, so it could have been playful, but she's got to learn to tone it down. Blizzy, no change.

Prognosis: Still, very slow progress, but I continue to see it will take a long time. And when I see the barely latent fear surface, such as when I gently but firmly grasp her right paw for a claw trim, I realize how hard it will be to eradicate the past. The Spirit Essence hasn't arrived yet. At least she did not try to claw me, but rather used her rear paws and hid her head. No blood was spilled!


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## Susan (Mar 29, 2010)

I agree she’s got to learn to tone it down, but the apparent lack of hissing is a good sign. A few days ago, the hissing was prevalent, and that now seems to have toned down. So, hopefully the charging/swiping will similarly subside with time. 

You don’t need to fully eradicate her fear in order for her to peacefully co-exist with Hershey & Blizzy. In fact, it could take years before her fear subsides. To this day, Muffin is still a very timid cat – jumps at every noise, still spends a lot of time hiding, doesn’t like to be picked up or handled, etc. Yet she’s fine with Abby. 

Good luck tomorrow.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks Susan. This morning, so far more of the same, some virtual nosies, some charging the gate, though without hissing, some desire to play, but awkward when it happens.

It seems to me the time has come to wind down these daily reports, at least for public posting. You and I are the only ones commenting, and your sage advice is well-documented here for anyone else facing a similar situation to consult. Unless I hear any serious objections, I would propose that I only report from here on if there is something significant to say. Otherwise, I might do a brief weekly update, depending on whether there is anything to report. We can continue off-line if you are willing, since I continue to value your insights. When these threads get too long, they are probably too time-consuming for most readers to find the advice they are looking for. I've not gotten to footsies yet, though close, and there is no question but that Snowball's overall disposition has improved substantially during this period. I am hoping Spirit Essence and continued play therapy and all good things near the gate will maintain this positive momentum.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 26--a bit of a milestone

I haven't updated for awhile. Snowball has been hissing much less often, does virtual nosies with Hershey every morning and spends a lot of time sitting near the gate. Today I felt it was time to invite Hershey into Snowball's room, after dinner, since she doesn't finish all of hers and he is food-fixated. What happened was a bit of a surprise. As I opened the gate to give Snowball her food (I had already put down Hershey and Blizzy's food), she crossed the gate threshold, poked her nose into Hershey's dish and started eating cheek by jowl next to him! I called her back into her room and gave her her meal, then invited Hershey to join her. As he came in and went right to her dish, Snowball went up to him and raised her right paw, ready to swat him. But when she realized he wasn't paying attention, he was only interested in her food, she put her paw down and walked into her carrier, 6 feet away. Hershey basically ignored her, though he later went into the bathroom, where her litter box and safest hiding place are, and she followed him in. A smart cat, Hershey the Bold went submissive, slinked around her and out of the bathroom. Shortly thereafter, she did fall down into her classic defensive crouch, so I called an end to the session. 

But considering how she had been behaving just three weeks ago, this is a big step forward. I have been using Peacemaker for three days now, twice a day together with Composure Liquid, and a couple of drops of Rescue Remedy in the evening only. And Snowball is a much happier cat now than she was three weeks ago. So, the progress is slow, and sometimes goes backwards, but it's progress overall.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 34--weekly update

A lot has happened since my last update, most of it good. Gradual improvement continues. Snowball now almost never hisses. She still goes up to the gate and has pawfights with Blizzy, but Blizzy knows she doesn't like him, and sometimes he moves away. The biggest news is that Hershey and Snowball are now getting along much better. Hershey has always shown a sensitive side, and most of the time he senses when to push her to play and when to back off. They greeted each other enough at the gate that I started letting Hershey in about 10 days ago. Now they have play sessions together, with Cat Dancer and other toys, and I give them treats afterwards. Yesterday Hershey touched Snowball on the nose, forehead, nose and forehead again when he entered, and she didn't even blink. Her pawing at him has, for the most part, turned more often into play pawing, which he sometimes imitates, though sometimes it is still a signal not to bother her or go away. Snowball shows enough self-confidence that she swatted at Hershey and stole his kitty treat once when it was his turn, but she also still runs away in fear part of the time. She also watched while he used her litterbox, waited, then swatted him once when he emerged, as if to say "How DARE you use my litterbox!" I should also confess that hershey has figured out again how to jump over the gate, and he has done it numerous times the past 5 days. Snowball no longer freaks out when he does this. And when I let him back out, he jumps back in a short time later, so he must not be having too bad a time, either! (He's even done it with me not there, starting yesterday, though I keep a close eye on it.)

The other main development is that I have started using Peacemaker from Spirit Essence, together with Composure Liquid, and have virtually stopped the Rescue Remedy. I have ordered Ultimate Peacemaker after talking to the company, and it will be here Friday. Peacemaker seems to be helping, together with CL.

Finally, I am comfortable enough with Hershey and Snowball together that for the past two evenings, I brought Snowball out in her carrier and allowed Hershey to stay in the rest of the house during the room exchange, with only Blizzy being separated. They stay out together, with some play time, for about an hour. While it has its ups and downs, compared to the frustration I had two weeks ago, things have definitely improved, for the first time in two months. And Snowball seems to be a much happier cat much of the time, too!

So, progress--VERY slow, but progress. Sometime soon, I hope to be able to address the more hard-core problem between Snowball and Blizzy. But by then, I am hoping Hershey will be an ally in the effort!


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## my5kitties (Sep 13, 2005)

That's awesome news! It's been awhile since I've been to this part of Cat Forum, so I've missed a lot of your posts. Keep up the good work; you're doing great.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks much. I've been very gratified the past two weeks, and especially the last two days. Snowball, the fear aggressive cat, actually initiated giving nosies to Hershey, and once she hopped up into my lap when Hershey was already there,and then started purring! This would have been unheard of two weeks ago. She also has allowed Hershey to smell her fanny. I should add that she has swatted him often enough that Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold is giving her some space, which is also a good thing. She now runs around the house with Hershey around; a week ago, when I started this, she hid under a table most of the time. In other words, she is much more self-confident. She has even stopped hissing at Blizzy, but they still have a daily pawfest at the baby gate, playful on his part, ambiguous on hers. I should also highlight that Hershey has learned to emulate her paw swipes, though his are feckless, and she in turn has learned from him how to jump off the ground to catch Da BIrd.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 40--update. 

More really good news between Snowball and Hershey. They have been spending a lot of time together, mainly in her room but also when I let her out in the house each day. While she still paws AT him and whacks him from time to time, more often her pawing and jumping around is playful, and whenever Hersh is not around, Snowball tends to wait by the gate for him to return. She does make it clear when she's unhappy with him for using "her" litter box or "her" scratching post, as that is when she whacks him once or twice. But she never blocks him. And last night I had my first real footsies between them, when Hersh was outside the gate, at midnight. She even turned upside down, on her back, and reached her paws through the gate backwards to touch his paws. I wished I had a camera then. After waiting so long for a moment like this, she certainly made it memorable when she decided to go ahead!

So that's the good news. I even let Hersh sleep in the room with us for two nights in a row, with no problem. But that leads to the bad news. Hersh had figured out how to get over the gate to get in and out of the bedroom, which was ok now since he gets along with Snowball and is best friends with Blizzy, whom Snowball still hates with a passion, so he could spend time with them both at will. Well, at 6 am Sunday morning, Blizzy decided the time had come to join in the fun, so he jumped over the gate and went after Snowball, to play--since he is not mean at all--but it didn't matter to her. I awoke to the same vicious hissing I had last heard weeks ago, before I started this program. She had retreated to the safest part of her safe room. I was able to grab Blizzy and evict him nicely from the room, and to my surprise, Snowball didn't exhibit any long-term ill effects from this encounter. But my attention has now turned to getting Snowball to tolerate Blizzy. I am trying group play, with Blizzy on one side of the gate and the other two on the other side, with Cat Dancer, Da BIrd and the like, and I give them all special treats right afterwards. Snowball has not gone after Blizzy at the gate since the incident, at least, but she still looks at him with a mixture of what I would describe as disdain and disgust. Ultimate Peacemaker arrived Friday, so I have added Bully Remedy for Blizzy and Self-esteem for Snowball, on top of the Peacemaker they both were getting and the Composure Liquid she is getting.

This is tough, and complicated for me, since I want to maintain Snowball's new almost-friendship with Hershey while also promoting desensitization with Blizzy. I've ordered a second gate that I will put over the first one to prevent further gate-jumping, and I have a screen in the way in the meantime, but that cuts into Hersh's time with Snowball, since he had started coming over the gate a lot on his own (a good sign!). I felt like renaming them Romeo and Juliet, the way he was almost courting her through and over the gate. And what a difference from a month ago!

But a long way to go, since Blizzy has always been problem number 1.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 46 Update

Snowball and Hershey: Success!? I now feel with increasing confidence that Snowball has lost her fear of Hershey, and they are becoming friends. She is still Eliza Doolittlecat, doesn't know how to play well with others, but Hershey is working with her. He's amazing. He taught Blizzy how to wrestle with him. He certainly doesn't try to wrestle with Ms. Sharp Claws, but since she likes to paw at him, he started pawing back at her, and they now do it mainly as a game. I let Hersh into her room numerous times per day, and I allow him to sleep over every other night (every other so Blizzy doesn't feel abandoned). The second gate came and went up, so Blizzy can't get in now. Once I let Hersh into her room, he and she exchanged nosies and then he went right to her food dish. It was like he said "Hi dear, I'm home. What's for dinner?" They also played footsies on either side of the bedroom door when both were already in the room together. I have put a ping pong ball in the bathtub; the first few times Hersh played alone, with Snowball watching. Then I let her play a couple of times on her own. The last two times he has started on his own, and she finally couldn't stand it any longer and jumped down to join in, albeit briefly. They both also went to sleep on me when I took a nap in the room. I can leave them alone, unsupervised, go downstairs, and nothing bad happens. When I let her out in the house, I let him join her. He chases her around a bit, but she also comes up to him on occasion, a great sign. It is SO much better than a few weeks ago. Using Ultimate Peacemaker now, plus Composure Liquid. ANd a great relief to have some harmony.

Snowball and Blizzy: Not much in the way of progress to report here. Tonight, for the first time SNowball leaned onto her side by the gate in front of Blizzy, and they exchanged paw swipes yet again, but Blizzy then pawed too hard and she ran back. Later, with Blizzy just standing there, she walked by and hissed at him. I'm trying 6 or 7 play sessions a day at the gate, plus the meals, and I left Blizzy in the room yesterday while Snowball and Hersh were on the main house side. She wasn't interested in going near the gate then. I feel we are with Blizzy where we were with Hersh a month ago, with the big difference that Blizzy, who at 10 months still has some kitten in him, comes after her at the gate, to play I am pretty sure, as he never hisses or gets mean, but she doesn't know that. Hershey has showed much greater sensitivity to her than Blizzy has. Blizzy gets Bully remedy as part of Ultimate Peacemaker, we'll see if that tones down this behavior. I'm so tired of seeing the same old thing between the two of them, but I've only had UP for 9 days now and the second gate for two, so let's see what happens over the next 10 days.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 52 Update: Can't Get Over the Hump with Snowball and Blizzy

So things are going swimmingly between Snowball and Hershey the Magnificent. I must say Hershey (the Havana Brown mix) has been so sensitive to Snowball's feelings, he won her over. Unbelievably (to me), he is now trying to teach her how to wrestle with him! That means he has jumped on her twice over two days (with warning) and wrestled. Since she is Eliza Doolittlecat, she didn't know what to do and didn't like it the first time, so she hissed. But otherwise, she was still fine with him. The second time she didn't hiss, she just walked away. She doesn't strike me as the wrestling type, but who the heck knows? She already plays so much more as a result of Hersh's efforts. They give each other nosies periodically, and he paws at her the way she paws at him, and she seems to like that. Hershey spends maybe three hours a day with Snowball, plus he now sleeps on the bed with me, otherwise he is with Blizzy the rest of the day.

However, I remain very frustrated at the lack of progress with Blizzy. Blizzy keeps wanting to go right after her, not to attack her (I don't think, as he's never had a mean bone in his body), but maybe out of frustration, since she used to hiss at him so much. The hissing has stopped, and each of them even turned on his/her side at the gate (not at the same time) late at night, when they often just sit quietly (around midnight) and look at each other.

However, I screwed up yesterday, to use the vernacular. When I opened the gate to feed them, Blizzy sneaked by and went right after Snowball. Mayhem ensued, as she hissed like crazy, ran tot he safest part of her room and went into her defensive posture. I was able to grab Blizzy, but not before there was a drop of blood on his nose.

Today, not surprisingly, they are not at the gate together, though still no hissing. I am at a loss as to what to do to get Blizzy to stop going after her so aggressively. They did get to an aggressive paw exchange through the gate several times, but Blizzy always scared Snowball away because he did it too aggressively. he's on Bully Remedy and Peacemaker, she's on Composure Liquid, Peacemaker and Self-esteem. I play with them and give them treats at the gate. I just don't know what else to do. I'm sure I set things back a few days by letting Blizzy in after her, but I see no signs of his letting up. He's 10-1/2 months old. I understand things have to happen in their own sweet time, but after 56 days I had hoped for a little more positivity between the two, especially since Hershey broke through. Hershey still plays plenty with Blizzy, and so do I, as well as petting him and taking naps with him, so he doesn't feel neglected, I don't think. But I can't keep on doing this forever, as it's not fair for Snowball to be stuck in the bedroom most of the time. The only times Blizzy gets really unhappy are when I put him alone in the bedroom for an hour, so Snowball can run around the house, now with Hershey--which makes life much more interesting for her.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Day 55 Update

No real change between Snowball and Blizzy. The reason I am updating is to share a picture of Snowball and Hershey. Not the greatest photo, but it shows how close they are becoming. They are sharing a drink--of water--together. Mind you, 55 days ago Snowball hissed whenever she saw Hershey, as well as Blizzy, and didn't come near him, usually ran away, until I got a baby gate and followed Susan's advice of all good things by the gate. This gives me hope that someday, something like this can happen with Blizzy.


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## Alpaca (Dec 21, 2009)

Read your updates on and off. It's such an amazing and ardous feat that you're going through and I totally applaud you. Hang in there!


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks, Alpaca, I appreciate the encouragement. If Hershey hadn't won over Snowball by now, I don't know what I'd do. But he's nothing if not persistent. Now he tries to wrestle with Snowball several times a day. And while she doesn't like it, she doesn't hiss, either! They have played ping-pong soccer, she is better at that. But with Blizzy, bupkus. I am trying more treats, towel exchanges and going back to Feliway, in addition to the flower essences I'm using. BY the way, I just read your post on nail trimming, I have the same problem with Snowball, put it on hold while I have been doing the integration, but I might try what your posters have suggested.


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## Sheba1 (Mar 29, 2010)

Sooooo.....are all three cats friends now???? Update please. = )


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks for asking, Sheba1. I went away the first week of June (first time since I adopted the cats). When I came back, I figured no one was reading my posts any more, so I'd wait and see if anyone cared enough to inquire. I have the feeling very few are reading any more, though Susan continued to be extremely helpful and a great sounding board. Anyway, since you asked, here is the latest, as of five minutes ago.

Snowball and Hershey are now basically friends. Not mutual grooming or sleeping together friends, but sleep in same room and play together sometimes friends. The relationship between Snowby and Blizzy remains tenuous. Despite copious treats and other things with them a foot apart at the baby gate, and despite being able to feed all three with the gate open, I've not been able to get over the hump of Blizzy wanting to chase after Snowball. 

After consulting several people, I have decided to start bringing them together for supervised sessions and let them finally establish whatever hierarchy the gate has prevented them from creating. Today was the first day. Blizzy chased after Snowby twice in her safe room (the bedroom and bathroom), She freaked out twice, terrible hissing like the first week they met, but I was able to divert Blizzy fairly quickly both times. She hissed at him later, the first time I've heard her hiss in weeks. But I've steeled myself to try to let this not get to me--I try to remain perfectly calm around the cats so they don't pick up bad vibes. I was able to give them all treats, and Snowby ate hers, albeit in the far corner of the bathroom. Hershey, my Havana Brown rescue who has amazing emotional intelligence, among other things, went over to Snowball--verrry slowwwly--after she freaked out, in obvious concern. Then he alternated between her and Blizzy. I am counting on him to serve as a facilitator, since he was able to break through in the friendship dept. After 15 minutes, during which there was no further interaction between Snowball and Blizzy, as I kept him playing with toys, I escorted Blizzy to the other side of the gate. 

I absolutely hate this, but after 70 some days, and with quiet staring between Snowby and Blizzy at the gate, particularly at night, but no positive signs between them, day after day, I just can't keep living a divided life like this, and I can't seem to get Blizzy on his own to stop wanting to chase her. SO I figure she needs to "persuade" him with her hysterics. It does cause him to back off, and then he slinks away. And I should emphasize that he has no intention of hurting her--I don't think--though he may harbor some resentment from all the hissing that occurred the first few weeks they were together. 

I intend to continue to have several short supervised sessions a day, hoping that gradually the hissing will ease back, particularly if Blizzy loses the urge to chase after her, due to the severe reaction.

So that's it for now. I have broken up the relative peace and tranquility, though the stability was at a level where I had to keep them apart, in the hope this will lead to peaceful coexistence in the next few weeks. I should add, as a final note, that in the last couple of weeks Snowball has seemed happier than she had been at any time since she arrived. She really does seem to be moving down the path of being better socialized and better able to play than ever before, and she has developed a fascination with watching me brush my teeth and turning the water on and off. If I can only get Snowby and Blizzy to be in the same room together....


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Quick Update--I've been doing three times daily short visits of Blizzy into Snowball's room, about 10-15 minutes each, right after mealtimes. Snowby hides in the bathroom or her carrier, sometimes out of sight, sometimes keeping a watchful eye on Blizzy. Only one serious confrontation, the first day. Blizzy is doing better at not chasing after her, though he did give her a little paw swipe as she went back into her carrier after treats time. SNowby emits a low growl sometimes, sometimes hisses if he gets to close. 

The good news is that while Snowby stays far away from Blizzy for the most part, when I bring out the kitty treats at the end of each session, she overcomes her fear and shows up within a foot of Blizzy for her share of a treat called Breathies. It's like Vita Kitty, dried chicken strips with some fish oil on them--it's like crack to her. This morning and last night I gave them a good seven or eight rounds each of treats, and they were so close they could smell each other's breath. The effect is so powerful on her I could swear she would steal a strip from Blizzy if I didn't get it out of the packet fast enough. Of course, as soon as it was over, Snowby retreated into her carrier again, but this is the best sign I've had from them in four months! Treats galore!


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## Sheba1 (Mar 29, 2010)

That's awesome! Sometimes you just have to let the cats have at each other to establish what the hierarchy is going to be. Easier said than done, I know. Maybe next month you'll be sharing an update that starts with Snowby and Blizzy have found a way to co-exist and be happy. : ) Are these treats you speak of low calorie?


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

From your mouth to Blizzy's ears, since he is the "aggressive" one, though he never, ever hurts her or even tries to, he just seems to love to scare her. Ultimate Peacemaker, including Bully Remedy, has not tamed that at all after six weeks. 

The Breathies treat is almost all protein, dried chicken strips with a little flaxseed on them, so not very caloric. And seven or eight little strips are not that much food, anyway. But boy, do they elicit a reaction from her in particular. Even though I feed them three times a day, it's not huge portions. Blizzy happens to love Temptations treats. Once little choir boy found an unopened packet at the bottom of a box filled with other cat paraphernalia, ripped it open, and ate about 3/4 of the package. THAT was high caloric! I rationed his food for the next three days, until the bulge in his stomach disappeared!


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## icatguy (May 15, 2010)

This is a fun thread! Kind of reminds me of something I read on another forum where the guy kept a journal about introducing a new cat. Hey, NewRescueDad, you aren't the same guy, are you? You done this before on another forum?


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks, icatguy, the thread has been fun for me, too--at least at the start, though tinged with constant disappointments the first 45 days, so I tried to keep it light. 

And let me assure you, this is the first (and only) time I'll ever go through an experience like this, and this is the only journal I've ever done. Maybe because it is my first time trying to integrate a non-socialized cat and I have thus done a lot wrong, this has gone on for a LONG time, I feel. Maybe Feb-June is not so long for some, but I feel I put much of the rest of my life on hold as I organized and implemented this. Getting some positive signals between Snowball and Hershey my Havana Brown in mid-April was crucial to my sanity. Now that Hersh has even taught Snowby how to wrestle and sleeps in the room with her and me, my main problem with him is that he starts grooming my hand at 3 am and wakes me up with his sandpaper tongue--it hurts! But I'm not really complaining. 

On the other hand, I've continued not to make progress between Snowball and Blizzy, the third cat who is actually a sweetheart. I'm now in the desperation stage, no longer waiting for good things to happen by the gate and trying to let them sort it out, under supervision and with tons of treats together. If this doesn't work, I don't know what I'm going to do, since Hershey now pals with Snowball as well as Blizzy. I can't live with baby gates for another six months!


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## icatguy (May 15, 2010)

Boy, I hear ya on those baby gates. One of my knees got so sore from going over the bottom gate I could hardly walk for a while.

I get a chance, I'll try to find that other........I think that went on, too, and you might find some common experiences.

Good luck!!

PS - sorry, by "fun thread" I should have said I meant entertaining reading .... didn't mean to imply you were having fun with the intro. I know at times that can be like shooting yourself and surviving.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Don't worry, I took it the right way. You are a funny guy, I can tell--as in entertaining. Maybe even a British sense of humor. The shooting yourself and surviving phrase is a real LOL. 

Composing my updates-and some of the most off-the-wall, in the Catmalion vein, were done off-line--has been a form of therapy for me, no question. I've never felt so helpless before. Here is this gorgeous, 8 pound ball of silky white fluff, one big yellow eye, one blue, and through no fault of her own, her hostility and sharp claws turn the household upside down. Sometimes a sweetheart, sometimes an out of control hissing and swatting frenzy. What on earth did I get myself into? So, composing these updates, in addition to trying to elicit helpful tips, has been an outlet for frustration, which is why I tried to make them humorous at times.

Trouble is, I'm not there yet! Things are SO much better than they were, but I had the same kind of false stability the Germans did with the Berlin Wall--in my head, I could hear Hershey calling out, Newrescuedad, tear down that gate!! Blizzy the choir boy is still giving Snowby a very hard time at times, and she does still seem to hate/fear him, so the gate is still up, and I feel trapped in this Story with No End. I still do believe in Happy Endings, but I need it to come soon!


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## icatguy (May 15, 2010)

If anybody who has never had a cat would be told that a cat could rule your life they would discount it as hyperbole. To those of use who've experienced it, it's just the norm for life with cats. I can't figure out how 10 pounds or less of warm furry animal can have such an outrageous and outsized impact on my life .... everything is different and in many ways (figuratively and physically) upside-down ...... but the honest truth is, had I known it ahead of time, I would have gone ahead anyway because life with my cats is better than life without.

One thing I've learned is that when something isn't working, I have two choices: wait and keep going, or try something different. Frankly, neither fork affects the outcome much. choice #1 is more suitable for easy-going procrastinating types and choice #2 for impatient activist types. I think it's more a matter of what you're comfortable with than any superiority in effectiveness. Cats are so different from one individual to another that whatever our previous experience, with the next cat we're justing winging it anyway.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Amen to that. In terms of your two choices, wait and keep going or try something different, the problem I have with the first is that it's the classic lay definition of insanity--continuing the same behavior and hoping for a different outcome. Up to a point, it's what I tried, despite the frustration of no immediate positive feedback, as I understand it takes time and some patience for behavioral changes to start to occur. And that's what happened with Snowby and Hershey, some ambiguous signals that finally turned positive. Not so with Snowby and Blizzy, though she stopped hissing at him at the gate, and I do think they are much more conscious that they are both part of the same household than they used to be. 

While it seemed a bit risky to me finally to let them interact with supervision, in the absence of the positive signs I was seeking, I also sensed Snowball is outgrowing the bedroom and needs to be out and about the house more, which is a good sign on its own. Anyway, Blizzy does go up to her each time, and she hisses, but (fingers crossed) he seems to be learning to respect her personal boundary and backs away now, rather than running right up to provoke her. Next week will be a big week, in that I plan on letting Snowby out into the house while Blizzy is also out, while carefully supervising. They haven't done that since late Feb, when things deteriorated to the point I started confining her to the bedroom and got the baby gates.

Out of curiosity, you speak as if you've had a lot of cats over the years. May I ask how many? I only had one tuxedo cat for, 18-1/2 years, who never had a mean day in his life, so I lived in blissful ignorance of the joys of cat integration. But I am with you in thoroughly enjoying how much they have enhanced my life--though if Hershey keeps waking me at 3 am with his sandpapery tongue licking my hand until the pain is too much to bear, I may revisit that sentiment!


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## icatguy (May 15, 2010)

Only five. And only two right now. But that includes four intros, and each went completely differently.

And for continuing the same course....if what you're doing has worked for others, you really don't know whether it's not working for you is because you haven't done it for long enough, or because you really do need to change course. The two things I've learned are: have more patience; and don't micro-manage the process. Though, I have to admit, all my intros were "pre-owned" cats; not so challenging as your situation.

You're probably correct in your observation about Snowball. Slowing things down can become counter-productive. Since they progress at different rates, judging what's too fast and what's too slow is a pretty chancy thing. That's when the other fork in the road gets more traffic. Often just doing something, doing anything, is better than doing nothing. At least you get some feedback.

With this latest new cat I adopted, I don't know how many times I threw up my hands in near-despair (though I probably give up too easy), telling myself that "tomorrow she's going back" and when tomorrow came around, I decided I could wait another day. A couple days ago I witnessed the first nose bump, without the subsequent drubbing from Miss M, the resident cat. So now it's been past the point where bonding starts to take place, and I guess she's won a permanent place here.

Re-reading your latest posts: it does sound to me like progress. I see a number of positive signs in just the one post.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

OK, thanks for the encouragement. Yes, I can recall vividly the near despair with Snowball and Hershey. And then the first nosies (documented in the thread) occurred, a real thrill.

WIth Snowby and Blizzy, I could swear Snowball is ready to be friendly, as she walks near the gate with him there on the other side. But he rattles the gate to scare her, and now, before I let him in after meals, Snowball scurries to a hiding spot, which he finds. He's never "attacked" her in the sense of wanting to hurt her, and I keep waiting for her to figure that out--he's all bluff and play. And never a positive sign from either one to the other, even when they are scarfing down treats together.

Sunday is the "big day" for me, as I want to let Snowby go out into the rest of the house if she wants, with Blizzy also out. Thus far, since Feb either he is out or she is, but not both. I figure we'll regress a bit, for an indefinite period, but I want to see if she'll find safe perches in the house that will enable her to liberate herself from the bedroom. She spends a lot of time standing near the gate nowadays, my signal she wants out, and on Thursday, when the housekeeper was here, she actually ran downstairs, saw Blizzy and froze, and I scooped him up before anything happened. The time has come, from my standpoint. I hope I'm not making a mistake, since I'm uncertain whether it is time from their standpoint. But I felt I needed to do something to break what I saw as an impasse. She now knows he can come into "her" room several times a day, predictably after each meal, so I will just prolong those times and extend to the whole house, if she cares to come downstairs. Hershey is amazing--he keeps going up to her periodically, checking to see if she is all right, and he still plays with both of them.


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## Sheba1 (Mar 29, 2010)

Is there a place that Snowball can go that Blizzy cannot once they both have access to the whole house? Just so she knows that she has a place that is safe for her if she gets too scared or feels too threatened? For instance, it's a little bit different but...our cats eat differently. The boy grazes and the girl will sit at the bowl and eat until the bowl is empty. Which is why she weighs 21 pounds now. Anyhoo, we have bought a pretty sizeable rubbermaid storage container with a lid....and a controlled cat door that only opens with a magetic collar. We asssembled the cat door onto the side of the storage container and inside we put a bowl of food for the boy to eat throughout the day and that the girl has no access to. Of course, we made like a thousand holes in the container. Maybe you could do something like that to a closet door or the bathroom door. Just a thought.... 
Being scared and feeling like you have nowhere to run that is safe must be terrifying.

icatguy - you are so right....there is something about the cats that own you....the hoops that you will go through to make their life better. Sometimes I think the cats (the boy cat) have literally driven me to insanity....yet I snuggle them up several times a day and they bring me great joy.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks, Sheba1. Snowby generally has felt safe in her room, but she has at least three safe spots in her room even when Blizzy is now in there. I moved her carrier into the living room, and she always feels safe in there as well. I also let her out into the house without Blizzy enough so she feels comfortable there. Unfortunately, and I hate to see this, she has regressed some since Sunday. That is despite the fact I have distracted Blizzy form even going up to her the last day and a half. She is still fine with Hershey, but tonight she ran away from her food dish without eating, for the first time in a couple of months at least. And everyone was ignoring her at the time, so she is not happy. It took two months to socialize her with Hershey, and she was becoming a happy cat, but in a totally protected environment. I spend time petting her and reassuring her, and she was still happy as of this morning, but this change is hard on her--and me as well, let me tell you! But necessary, at this point.


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## icatguy (May 15, 2010)

NewRescueDad said:


> ... Unfortunately, and I hate to see this, she has regressed some since Sunday. ....


The ups and downs are hard to take. So long as the long-term trend is up, then you can log progress. 

PS - that other journal I mentioned is on another cat forum, and we're not allowed to post links to competing forums. Sorry.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Bulletin! Bulletin! Breakthrough Alert! Success! (He said calmly, while dancing on his computer. As long as your expectations are modest, and mine are). We're at around Day 100 now.

Snowby came out of the bedroom on her own mid-day, for the first time, and went downstairs without telling me. I was in the computer room with Blizzy (with whom she doesn't get along) and Hershey at the time. I discovered this when the doorbell rang and I got a package delivery. I went downstairs, and there was Snowball by the door. I got the package, and of course Blizzy and Hershey were trailing behind. Snowball got onto a kitchen chair, as she used to in the past, and for the next 15 minutes there was peaceful coexistence!! Blizzy went up to her a few times, she emitted a mild growl, and he would walk away slowly, often encouraged by my shaking the treats bag. I gave him, and her, and Hersh, LOTS of treats. LOTS. Finally, Blizzy and Hershey started playing in another room. Yes, what I have coveted, Blizzy becoming BORED with the idea of chasing after Snowby and going on with the rest of his life.

We had a power outage for two hours after I wrote (and thankfully saved) the above. Since then, Blizzy has approached Snowball numerous times, like the moth the light, and Snowball has hissed numerous times. But--and this is the important part--whenever I ask Blizzy to walk away, he does, and Snowball has moved around from one safe spot to another several times. 


It was only one episode, and who knows what will happen tomorrow, but I remember that things regressed between Hersh and Snowball just before she relented and they became friends six weeks ago. So who knows where this will lead--maybe to Infinity, and Beyond! (Sorry, getting carried away there, but after so many weeks of no breakthrough, this is like a long drink of water in the desert). I am now back to where I was in February, when Hershey came into the picture and Snowball became paralyzed with fear. Now, at least Hershey goes over to Snowball and extends his paw to her, to make sure she is all right. An awww moment for me.

Thanks for looking into that other journal, icatguy. If there's a tip or two worth mentioning that you think I might not be aware of otherwise, kindly feel free to let me know.


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## NRD (Mar 31, 2010)

Latest--and Last--Update

Well, my enthusiasm of a week ago was short-lived. While Snowby did continue to come out of her room and go downstairs for a few days, after Blizzy chased her a couple more times, and even though he left her alone as soon as I asked him to, she retreated to the closet and stayed there most of the day, unless I closed the gate. She is fine at night and with Hershey, plays with him at night and in the morning, then becomes a recluse most of the day. Tons of treats still works, for as long as I keep feeding them, they can stand within a foot of each other in her room or in the kitchen when she went there a week ago, but once it ends, off she goes. The worst was yesterday, when I put Blizzy in his room for two hours, and Snowby still wouldn't come out of her room. She's still a sweetheart with me, trusts me, nuzzles me, purrs like crazy, which just disheartens me all the more, since Blizzy is so gentle and playful the rest of the time. If she would only stand up to him once or twice, as she did to Hershey at first, and swat him, I am confident Blizzy would back off and leave her alone. But she doesn't do it.

I've read a behaviorist recently who said some households just leave a cat separated from another it doesn't get along with. I sure don't want to end up that way, it's not a healthy household then--to me--but de facto that is what was starting to happen. So I've retreated a few steps, am giving Snowby her gate back for most of the day, and will try again, step by step, in a few days, after she gets her confidence back up.

So this will continue to be a lengthy process. I feel at this point I am just using up bandwidth unnecessarily. For those of you are interested in seeing how this turns out, please feel free to send me a private message, and I'll respond. And thanks for the suggestions that were made early on. In fact, a lot of progress has occurred over the past four and a half months. At the beginning, Snowball was completely unsocialized and isolated. Now she is a happy cat with Hershey and with me, though confined to the bedroom and bathroom much of the time, and she has learned to be playful. Thank goodness for that. And she is still gorgeous, with her one yellow and one blue eye, and I still melt when she looks up at me. I just hate, hate, hate it when she hides in fear and can't overcome it, particularly since Blizzy is not going to hurt her (once he chases her, he then leaves her alone, but the damage is done). So I still hope that someday she will be able to move around the house freely. But that day is not likely to be soon, so I will sign off now, with the story still unfinished, or still a work in progress. If there is anything that could turn me into a manic-depressive, this experience could!


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