# My cats hate being picked up :(



## Bagpuss (Oct 5, 2005)

Hi, I have two cats, one male and one female. They are very affectionate on their own terms (when *they* come to me and my husband) but neither if them like being picked up. They are both 2 1/2 years old.

When Felix (male) gets picked up, he doesn't cry, but he wriggles to be down, and hates to be held. He doesn't even like sitting on our knees. On the other hand, he's always walking past and rubbing against our legs, and he follows me everywhere I go.

Sam (female) Is very affectionate normally, and likes to sit on our knees, when she wants to. She is the worst one of the 2 for being picked up. She cries, and sometimes screams to be put down, and the claws come out. She is very slightly overweight for a young cat, but she doesn't appear to eat any more than Felix.

This is very confusing behaviour when they are so affectionate in other ways, and it's getting us down, as we can't even cuddle our cats without them objecting 

Any advice on why this may be happening, or what to do, would be greatly appreciated,

Thanks,
Bagpuss


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

I suspect that these cats were not properly socialized to humans when they were kittens. Cats need to be accustomed to human contact before they reach eight or nine weeks old. That's when most of their socialization takes place. The best you can do now is to try to build up their tolerance to contact by touching and handling them often, but NOT for any longer than they're willing to tolerate. If the experience is unpleasant, then they won't want to repeat it. But if you stop before they want to get away, then hopefully you can gradually increase over a long period of time. This process is called "desensitization." I realize the procedure is problematic for both of your cats since they don't like being picked up at all. But obviously you need to try, because you need to be able to hold them for your caretaking duties.

I hope somebody who has actually gone through this successfully will post their experiences here, as I'm just describing it "theoretically."


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## Superkitties (Jan 30, 2004)

Some cats just HATE being picked up. Sounds like you've got yourself a couple. Wasn't anything you did, and nothing you can really do about it.

I have the spectrum here (got them all as kittens). They all love their cuddles on our laps, pets, etc.

Mozart's like my little rag doll - I flip him upside down and cuddle him like a baby, and he tolerates it.

Ginza likes being carried around if I hold him like I'm burping a baby, so he can see over my shoulder.

Kayla HATES being held. She squeaks and moans, and if she's *not* in the mood at all, she'll even give me a growl. I have a close enough relationship with her she'll allow me to cuddle her for a few minutes before she wriggles and squirms away.

Your Sam sounds like my Pixie, who dashes off if she even *thinks* you may pick her up. She whines really really loudly if I get to hold her. She'll tolerate the cuddle for 1 sec, then claws out to get away. (She's stopped struggling with me, and taken up the screaming instead - especially for meds.)

So it doesn't matter how many leg rubs and head bumps and how lovey they are otherwise, just personal preference. :wink:


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## ihave4kitties (Aug 27, 2005)

Of my 3 cats, only Lewis is the cuddler (he's cuddling on my lap as I write) but my first 2 (I had to get a 3rd cat before I found a cuddler :lol: ) are not cuddly at all although they are affectionate in their own ways, just as yours. Marcellus and Wallace (who are the same age as yours) never, ever sit on our laps, knead, all those cuddly cat things. However, Wallace loves to be petted and scratched, talked to...he's really social, playful, comes when called, actually likes to be carried upside down while you scratch his belly but he wouldn't even think of sitting on your lap. He doesn't mind being picked up and cuddled but only for a moment...he's too busy doing other things i guess. Marcellus....absolutely abhors being picked up. If you have to pick him up, which I do now and then so he's used to it, he totally stiffens, puts out all four legs and spreads his toes like he's bracing for something, poor baby. But in his own way, he's totally affectionate...loves his face rubbed and scratched, likes to be by you, he's the best head butter, genuinely enjoys our company...just don't pet too long or in the wrong spot, (he will definitely bite if you don't abide by his rules) anywhere other than his head and face and don't pick him up and he's happy. So, I guess what you need is a third kitty :wink: When we got Lewis, I was so used to the other two that i was genuniely surprised and quite pleased that he was a lap cat. It wasn't anything i did or didn't do though. Lewis was that way since the day we got him.


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

And it's funny how cats that do permit being carried have their preferences about HOW they're carried. Rocket, who is my lap cat, and who lets me hold him and carry him almost any old way, will NOT let me carry him on my shoulder in the "baby burp" position -- whereas Tommy and Mellie (who doesn't like to be held) WILL allow me to carry them in that position. Makes no sense. :roll:


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## manitu22 (Apr 25, 2003)

My cat willis hated being picked up when I first got him. Everything was baby steps when I first got him because he was abused in his last home and it took a while to build trust. I would start by picking him up off the floor for a second and then putting him down. I did this twice a day for maybe a week or so. Then I increased it....and then a little more and a little more unti now I can walk around with him in the "baby burp" position as Timskitties describes it for quite a while, even going up and down the stairs. As soon as he gets tired of it I put him down immediately.


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## Bagpuss (Oct 5, 2005)

Thanks very much for all your advice. Some very good tips there that we'll have to try.

I honestly thinks Sam's main problem is that she is overweight, and this may be the reason she doesn't like being handled. It would be good to put her on some sort of diet, but it's difficult when you have 2 cats, and are both working, so haven't got time to feed them separately.


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## Hagakure (Sep 24, 2005)

I don't know if her being overweight would be the problem. My parents have four cats, and one of them is a rather large orange tiger named Doctor Claw (he's double pawwed). He's a big cat, but he also has a weight problem. He's 25 pounds. He LOVES to be picked up and carried around in the "baby burp" position. While it's pretty painful for you after a while, he pulls himself up as high as he can on your shoulder (though he might just be doing it because he knows how much pressure it puts on your spine and is secretly laughing), and rubbs his face all over the back of your head. He's pretty much content to do this as long as YOU can tolerate it. He'll follow you around, will come from anywhere in the house if you snap, and is generally a happy kitty. One of the other cats is just totally laid back and lets you do whatever, another of them growls at you if you try to pick him up, or touch anywhere aside from the top of his head, and the other one will run frantically from you, unless you're sitting down. 

They all grew up in the same environment, and they were all the same age when my parents got them (6 weeks). They're all male, and all different. My parents also have the same problem with the diet. They both work and can't put the cats on a diet, especially when you have one thats 25 pounds, and another thats 8. 

They're all different, so I agree with "ihave3kitties", you need another one


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## lilysong (Apr 4, 2005)

Mimi used to love being carried. LOVE LOVE LOVE. She would beg for it, and she'd stay in my arms for hours.

Then she grew up. *grumbles* 

She's about a year and a half old now, give or take, and she can't stand being held. She refuses to sit in laps and will only sit _beside_ you. (But she does that ALL the time.)

Kitties are fickle... they are what they are.


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

Lisa - now you've got me worried. Rocket is such a first-class cuddle cat, but lately he doesn't seem to be quite as motivate to cuddle as he used to be, and I've been wondering if that's just a phase or if it's because he's getting to be an adult cat now. What am I going to do without a cat to cuddle with, now that I've gotten used to it? :?


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## dmcwlvssr (Apr 24, 2005)

Both my Mischka & Linx do not like being picked up. Yet they will come over and lay on me on their terms, and flop down anywhere for belly rubs. Never thought about it maybe being that they were both rescue kittys at such a young age.


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## newcatowner7 (Oct 25, 2004)

My cat spent the first 7 months in a cage so she never got much human contact. She didn't like to be held or handled very much but she's builing more of a tolerance to it


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## jazzo (Apr 19, 2005)

I had Jazzy for 10.5 years, and she never liked being picked up, never... from the day I got her when she was 8 weeks old.

She died this past May.

I now have Sampson, who I got from the shelter, two years old... and he loves to be picked up and hangs on my shoulder for as long as I let him.

Cats are like people, you have to love them for who they are


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## lilysong (Apr 4, 2005)

timskitties said:


> Lisa - now you've got me worried. Rocket is such a first-class cuddle cat, but lately he doesn't seem to be quite as motivate to cuddle as he used to be, and I've been wondering if that's just a phase or if it's because he's getting to be an adult cat now. What am I going to do without a cat to cuddle with, now that I've gotten used to it? :?


I hear you there... it was really hard at first. My old boy was _such_ a love, he'd always be getting into my lap. Even when he'd gone blind, he'd come sit at my feet and wait for me to pick him up. Now, I have three girls who don't like to be held. _Super_ hard. But I've come to enjoy the way that Mimi sits next to me, stretching out her belly and almost falling off the couch in delight. I've had to find other things to like.

Even though I still hate it a little. :?


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