# Is this abuse?



## razzle (May 20, 2010)

I can't help but pick my Razzle up and kiss him ever time I see him. I always tell him, "Love you, love you always" especially since he is sick and our time is limited. I have done this for a long time, but he acts like it's the worst thing I do to him. I wish I was so lucky. He acts like I am abusing him. I know he loves me but he comes to me looking for affection but then hesitates because he knows I will pick him up and kiss him. I can see him thinking, Oh God, if i come to her she is going to pick me up and kiss me. I hate that. Can't she understand that I don't want to be kissed?" Can't help it because I love him so. He puts up with the kisses because he is so gentle. I wish someone did this to me. I wish someone abused me like this.


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## Vivid Dawn (May 31, 2010)

I would only consider it abuse if he started growling, hissing, squirming, yowling, or doing any other sign of real distress. Sure he might glare at you, or put his ears back, but if it's just mild annoyance, it's okay I guess.

My ex-husband (and this is mostly why he's my ex!) would hold the cats tightly...almost too tight... and blow in their face, tug their ears, 'rock' them (more like a swinging motion with them squashed against his chest), and other stuff that HE claimed "Oh, I'm just playin'!" ... the whole time the poor cat is swishing tail, growling, hissing, mewling and squirming to get away.

It's fine to be a little zealous, but not to the point the cat is going to end up fearing being near you at all. Which is how Paizly is.. even now, I have to be slow and quiet when I approach her, or she gets all riled up. Xanthe simply runs away if I get closer than a couple feet and even ACT like I'm going to touch her, let alone pick her up for anything (taking her to the vet is near impossible).


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## hal1 (Jul 16, 2011)

It's not abuse,but sometimes we have to consider what the cat's needs are, not our own. I think we all know of some cat's that love being around us but don't want to be picked up.

Their brains/personalities are different than dogs or even people, many don't get the same comfort from snuggling in our arms. They just want to be near us. So I'd say let it be at that.

Take my soon to be Bengal kitten for example. Bengals LOVE to follow their person around and are very loyal. The also love to sleep against us at night, but just not into being held or even in our laps often


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## Kobster (Feb 1, 2007)

Mine don't like it either, but I call it "paying the cuddle tax" I don't ask a lot of my kids, but a moment on kissy face is all I want, so they begrudgingly allow me to do if, momentarily. That they allow it at all means they love me. Trust me, they don't feel abused.


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## MinkaMuffin (Apr 1, 2011)

I don't like it when people do things to their cats that the cats don't like (except necessary things like nail clipping), so idk, if I was there, I would be telling you, 'You know he doesn't like that.. :/'


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## purpleprincess22 (Jul 15, 2011)

One of my kittens doesn't seem to like being picked up or kissed either. I do it anyways sometimes  He seems to go through moods where he doesn't like to be stroked either (he'll get up and walk a foot away, and then go back to sleep)... other times he'll come up an rub against me and let me pet him...


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## hal1 (Jul 16, 2011)

the fewer things you do that she doesn't like, the more likely she is too want to be around you

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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

I give MowMow fair warning. I've almost always told him I was coming to kiss him and hug him and love him when I start walking towards him. It gives him the chance to leave if he's not in the mood (which is rare).

I keep the cuddling to a short bursts and I think that helps. I'll hug him, kiss him and tell him that I love him so and then I put him down. He knows it's not going to last forever and usually lets me do it. If it's too long he gives a little meow to let me know he's had enough and I let him go.


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## Vivid Dawn (May 31, 2010)

MowMow said:


> If it's too long he gives a little meow to let me know he's had enough and I let him go.


Yeah, that was the problem with the ex. The more they protested, the more he pestered


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## hal1 (Jul 16, 2011)

MowMow said:


> I keep the cuddling to a short bursts and I think that helps. I'll hug him, kiss him and tell him that I love him so and then I put him down. He knows it's not going to last forever and usually lets me do it. If it's too long he gives a little meow to let me know he's had enough and I let him go.


Great idea for many things. They'll quickly learn that they're not going to be terrorized ( for long) so they'll trust being near you more.


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## swimkris (Jul 17, 2010)

MowMow said:


> I keep the cuddling to a short bursts and I think that helps. I'll hug him, kiss him and tell him that I love him so and then I put him down. He knows it's not going to last forever and usually lets me do it. If it's too long he gives a little meow to let me know he's had enough and I let him go.


Same here. As long as I keep it to a quick 1-3 minutes they are fine with it. In fact, they follow me from room to room whining for a snuggle when I first get home, and then they are quick to want their independence/play-time.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

swimkris said:


> In fact, they follow me from room to room whining for a snuggle when I first get home, and then they are quick to want their independence/play-time.


I am NOT looking forward to that crying jag when I get home from work tomorrow. He cries and cries and cries and cries until I lay DOWN on the bed and he can climb all over me and lay on top of me..purring and drooling all over me....(at least that's what he used to do when I worked).


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

Abuse? forcing kisses on your cat? I wouldn't call it that, and yes I plead guilty to the sin of kissiness. Funny thing is that Alkee at times enjoys it and other times doesn't. So I never force her. Zuba asks for hugs, but only from my hubby, tho he loves to cuddle and make biscuits in my lap. Often at the computer Alkee will actually lift up her head and give me kisses while I'm trying to type. Or if I'm lying down for a rest. She wants to be affectionate and give kisses on_ her_ terms and time, not mine! Don't force her, and see what happens.....you never know. 




.


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## Rebbie (Jul 11, 2011)

I love kissing cats.  Of course, I am a gentle kisser. A soft and firm kiss evenly spaced out lets me know whether or not they enjoy it and usually they lean into it a bit.

I think the speed which you do it can sometimes annoy a cat. Even my dogs don't like to be attacked with kisses, but they love when I am gently pressing them to their faces. This lets me get out my love for 'em while not annoying them too too much.


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## Sinatra-Butters (Aug 9, 2010)

Animal control better come take my cats away because I abuse them all the time with kisses!!!


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## swimkris (Jul 17, 2010)

MowMow said:


> I am NOT looking forward to that crying jag when I get home from work tomorrow. He cries and cries and cries and cries until I lay DOWN on the bed and he can climb all over me and lay on top of me..purring and drooling all over me....(at least that's what he used to do when I worked).


Good luck with that


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

Since they wake us up in the middle of the night and take food off our plates while they have a dish of their own I think they should be able to put up with some hugs and kisses.


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## Fran (Jan 9, 2008)

Heartily agree to all that has been said! 

Gracie drives us nuts sometimes with her stealthy jumping onto the kitchen counters, the dining table etc. etc. Little thief! 

So, often, Hubby and I will look at each other and say "_That's it! She gets punished!_ :wink ..." One of us will pick her up and we both proceed to pet her and smooch her until she meows ~ but she loves it, too...

Fran


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Cleo hates being picked up, but I say, "Time to pay the rent!" and scoop her up for a snuggle for a few seconds.


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## Cam (May 6, 2011)

I do this to Bertie too, particularly when I get home from work and when I get up in the morning. But he usually wants kisses and cuddles then too, in fact he kisses me just as much (mmm cat-lick on my face...). In the morning he meows at me until I pick him up, and I have to make breakfast one-handed! 
At other times he's not so fussed though, he lets me pick him up for a few seconds and then wriggles a bit so I let him down. 
I don't think it's abuse to hug and kiss them, even if they don't enjoy it particularly, cos you aren't doing it all the time. They do affectionate things we don't particularly like too (kneading my lap, waking me up by purring in my ear and licking my face...) so I think it's fair!


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## Ritzpg (Dec 7, 2010)

I don't force love on Ritz partly because of her background (stray/dumped cat) and partly because at the time I first adopted Ritz it was my first cat ever so was cautious in the extreme.
I sit on the floor and let Ritz come to me to cuddle. She loves loves loves her neck massaged and has started exposing her belly to be petted.
I do kiss her when she passes me, and I kiss her on what ever part of the body I can! usually her flank (as opposed to her mouth).


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## princessbear (May 19, 2011)

I am so very lucky. Mimi LOVES being kissed and cuddling. She loves being picked up and carried around. I've been able to do this since the day she came to live with me a week ago today (hmmm, we will need to have a little celebration - maybe I'll break out a can of Weruva Grandma's Chicken Soup for a dinner treat this eve). There isn't one place on her head or body that she doesn't like to be kissed or touched (well there are are a couple places I won't even attempt a kiss for obvious reasons-hehe). My Princess, on the other hand, was a total lap cat but would NOT let me pick her up. I would pick her up and she would squirm to get out of my arms immediately. And forget kisses - the only time she would let me give her kisses was right at bed time, when she knew she was getting treats - she would have let me do anything at bed time before treats ... just as long as she got her treats.


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## Dave_ph (Jul 7, 2009)

It's not abuse till you tickle their feet


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## Abbie (Jan 13, 2011)

princessbear said:


> I am so very lucky. Mimi LOVES being kissed and cuddling. She loves being picked up and carried around. I've been able to do this since the day she came to live with me a week ago today (hmmm, we will need to have a little celebration - maybe I'll break out a can of Weruva Grandma's Chicken Soup for a dinner treat this eve). There isn't one place on her head or body that she doesn't like to be kissed or touched (well there are are a couple places I won't even attempt a kiss for obvious reasons-hehe). My Princess, on the other hand, was a total lap cat but would NOT let me pick her up. I would pick her up and she would squirm to get out of my arms immediately. And forget kisses - the only time she would let me give her kisses was right at bed time, when she knew she was getting treats - she would have let me do anything at bed time before treats ... just as long as she got her treats.


This is Evie too! She asks for kisses. Mitzi is becoming more cuddly each day, she used to tolerate kisses... now she trills and purrs!


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## Cam (May 6, 2011)

I also hongi with Bertie - it's a Maori greeting where you touch noses and foreheads. He started it!


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