# Should I keep my cat? Please help!!!!



## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

Hi everyone,
I hope I will be able to post to the rest of the forum now. I know I sounded pretty upbeat in my introuduction message, but that’s because I’m trying to be optimistic and make the best of things. Like I said in that post, two and a half weeks ago I adopted a tortoiseshell cat they think is two years old. Though I have been around cats all my life, I am a new cat owner. I can have only one pet where I live now. I have a Seeing Eye dog but she doesn’t count as a pet. I don’t know if I will be able to move somewhere else in one year or five years or more, so possibly for a long time I will be able to have only one cat, and the kind of cat I envisioned was a calm, talkative, affectionate, adaptable lap cat that gets along well with dogs, other cats, children and people. Even though I live alone now, eventually I may marry and have a child and eventually I want to get one or two more cats when I live somewhere where this is allowed. Am I asking for too much? Am I being too picky? Should I have waited until the various cat rescues I had contacted had more time to look for a cat that suited my needs better?

I am saying this because, even though Stella is very adaptable and talkative, and even though she occasionally wants to be held and sometimes sleeps with me, otherwise she is not the cat I envisioned. She has a problem of trying to get outside when someone opens the door, and this problem is worse when someone comes to visit, though she just started going close to the door again today when I opened it when no one else is there. Mom says I should just put her in the bedroom, but this sometimes works and other times Stella moves around so I need time to catch her. Right now I am unemployed, but someday when I get a job this will be very inconvenient because of time constraints, and I also feel rather bad locking her up in the bedroom when I’m not at home.

Second, even though Stella is not afraid of dogs and is not obviously aggressive, she sometimes bothers my dog. I don’t know if I should just let them work it out, and I don’t know if this will change over time or not. Since I am blind and Stella is very subtle about it, I can’t always tell when it is happening. At times I notice my dog getting up suddenly and moving or possibly coming over to me, but how can I know if she is just doing this because she wants to or if Stella is bothering her? When Mom was visiting earlier, she said that Stella played with Topaz’s tail and then started biting her back legs and it looked like she wasn’t hurting her, just annoying her. But this is Topaz’s place and she was here first, and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable. Though she seems to like Stella to a point, she is also cautious and nervous around her. Stella behaves like a crazy kitten part of the time, acting like this and racing around really fast and destroying her cat cube and playing with toys, and then part of the time she sleeps or rests quietly. She also has this strange social eating thing where she will come into the bathroom and start eating whenever I go in there. I will not keep the food in there for long, only long enough for me to get a cat tree to put in the living-room, and then I will put it there so my dog can’t reach it. Anyway, that’s another subject.

Stella also can be sassy and temperamental, but she is also affectionate when she wants to be. One second she might talk to me in a happy voice and then suddenly say something in a sassy kind of voice. She rarely scratches me which is good, but I never know when she will suddenly change moods. In short, she’s not the laid back cat I was hoping for.

Once again, I am thinking about contacting the rescue and seeing if they would still take her back. I know it would make me sad, but I would be sadder if this relationship is mismatched and I keep trying to stick it out. I have been trying because I know that sometimes things take weeks, months, or occasionally years to get ironed out. But I also know that cats are who they are and their basic personality isn’t going to change. Outside of her just not being quite the cat I had wanted, the basic concerns are her getting outside and bothering my dog. I don’t know if there is a solution or if these things will eventually get better on their own, and I’m scared to find out. It would be hard enough to give her up now and much harder the longer I wait, but what if I would be giving up too soon? I keep going back and forth on this, and it is wearing and stressing me out and I am just so sad, and I thought owning a cat was supposed to make me feel better, lol.

The last thing I forgot to mention is that Stella has a cough, but I only notice it infrequently, maybe a few times a day. Mom says a cat of my sister’s sounds like this and she has asthma and has to take medicine. If this is an issue I don’t know if I can easily afford that. Of course, if I have had a pet for months or years and it develops something, I will do all in my power to care for it, and I know they cost money, but right now I just don’t have much money. I basically went into debt to care for both my current Seeing Eye dog and my older retired one for two and a half years when I had them both and before my first dog passed away last year, so if I am truly committed I will make the sacrifices needed, and basic things for a cat and vet bills are expensive enough. But if something develops at the very beginning of the relationship, especially added to everything else, I frankly don’t want to deal with that.

Does anyone have any advice? As a new cat owner, I thought it might help to ask others who have more experience. I don’t want to be too picky and expect too many specific things, but I feel horrible and just don’t know if I can work through this. I feel guilty for wanting a more placid lap cat that gets along with others without trying to play with them too much or suddenly turning sassy. I also wonder if maybe she needs more stimulation than I can offer her in my small apartment. I do have a few toys for her so far, one of which is a wand toy with feathers on it, and I try to play with her once or twice a day with it. She has boundless energy. I just want the best fit for her and me, and I’m not sure we are right for each other.

I know I wrote a really long post, so thanks for sticking with me if you have. This might sound weird, because of course I’m an adult and can make my own decisions, but I’m afraid to really talk to Mom about it. Every time I bring one of these things up she just brushes it off and says stuff like she’s a cat and that’s the way cats are, or something else. I want her to know I’m serious. Part of the problem is that she’s attached to Stella since she visits every few days and spends a little time with her each time. I need to try to get her to understand that this is really important to me and I want the right cat and Stella needs the right environment and that maybe we’re just not right for each other. Maybe we could work things out if we had to, but I don’t know if that would ever end in a really close relationship, and I don’t know if these problems can be resolved or not, with time or work or both.

Please, any feedback would be appreciated. I might be willing to put up with more if I could have more than one cat and lived in a larger place or wasn’t living alone, but my living situation being the way it is, I just don’t know. I didn’t want to get a kitten on purpose because I didn’t want to deal with crazy kitten behavior, and she still has some of that.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Amy


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## TinyPaws (Jun 23, 2013)

Hi Amy,

Welcome to the forums! My first thought after ready your post was I think it would be good for you to contact the rescue and talk to them. That would be my first suggestion. I think it is good your thinking through all the issues too. I think a lot of it could just be your new kitty getting used to you and everything but I think the rescue should help you if you feel strongly it is not working out.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

This may not be a good fit. If the rescue is responsible and truely cares about their cat then they will willingly take it back. You need to let them know your limitations. I would not adopt a door dasher into a home where the person is blind. How are you suppose to find her once she gets out? Do they want their cat MIA. Its hard enough controlling a door dasher when your a sighted person let alone blind.

There are many cats out there who get along with dogs, don't try to run out the door and are calm affectionate lap cats. Many rescues foster in their homes and know the foster cats temperament, activity level, whether it is a lap cat or scaredy cat etc. You need to find a good fit for your special circumstances.

I think you are being responsible in considering returning your cat and I beleive you can find a cat which fits your situation. Maybe even a senior cat?


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

Even our city shelter will gladly take a cat back in those circumstances. We had a blind woman adopt a young male cat then within a week returned him because he was too rambunctious for her. This happens and it's not the fault of the animal. At least he will be given another shot at a better match for the household.

Unless I missed it, you don't say how old the cat is in this post. If she is young she will outgrow some of her boisterousness, but I just adopted a 6yo that is very energetic and lively so sometimes you never know. It's hard to predict what a home setting personality will be like in a caged animal. Even a shelter animal living in a colony can change somewhat in a home setting. Perhaps it might be better to find a cat that is living in foster - more of a home setting.


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## Heather72754 (Nov 1, 2013)

You sound like you've considered this from all angles, and you are considering Stella's needs as well as your own. Like Mitts & Tess said, a door dasher is a disaster waiting to happen for a blind person. You would feel so terrible if something happened to her and she was injured.

If your mother is very attached to Stella, maybe she would be willing to adopt her instead? It does indeed sound like you need a different type of cat in your circumstances.


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## Venusworld21 (Oct 23, 2012)

Marcia OP said the cat was estimated at 2 years old, so outgrowing things is far less likely.


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

First, I saw that my post was edited because of the font. Of course I can’t see it so I can’t tell, but what is wrong with my font and can I change it in my settings or something?

I really appreciate these responses. I admit that Stella’s door dashing has improved a lot since I got her, but she still tries to get outside sometimes. Another thing is that I posted my concerns on a list for graduates of The Seeing Eye, which means that they are all blind too, and I have gotten a couple posts back saying I am expecting too much and just need to give her boundaries and work through things. One person went so far as to say that if I get another cat, I will still be unhappy. Basically she was saying the problem lies with me, not the cats, and I need to work through problems the same way we do when we get our new dogs. I’m not expecting everything to be perfect, so that hurt when I read it. It’s not that I don’t like this cat. Maybe the rescue would agree to transfer adoption to my mother, if she agrees to adopt her. That was actually one of the reasons why my dad didn’t want me to get a cat, because he was afraid they’d end up with it. Right now they have three cats. One is five and very active and playful. I don’t know if they would get along well but he is a male so maybe there’s a better chance they would. They actually have pretty similar personalities. The other two cats are old, and there’s no way to know how the dynamic among all of them would be. If I can bring up the courage to talk to Mom about this and she is agreeable, I might bring Stella over to visit them soon to see how everyone gets along. I know she would need to be in a room by herself first, but we could just see how the different cats react to her etc.

It’s funny, because the people on this forum think I’m doing the right thing by thinking we might not be a good match, and the people on the other list have the very opposite view and think I shouldn’t give up and the problems are mine. That’s interesting. I know the final decision needs to be mine and I want to feel good about it, because no matter what choice I make, I will have to live with it.

I did email the rescue last night about all my concerns. They will probably email or call me back tomorrow.

Thanks again for the input, and I welcome more feedback. I really do have respect for those who work through challenges like this because they believe they can do anything, but I don’t believe that’s always the best option.

Amy


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

It sounds like your cat is just a typical active healthy cat. If it were just bugging the dog, I would say that you should try and make it work. She's playing with your dog the way our family cat played with my puppy when I was growing up. She would dive bomb her from chairs, grab her stubby tail, and grab/bite at her legs when she'd walk by. Then my dog, Mini, would turn tail and chase Lucy all over the house. It was a great game and they were great friends. Your dog just seems more mature and not interested in play, but I don't think the cat is HURTING him/her... just bugging them like a little sister.

What concerns me is the door dashing. It's dangerous for her and stressful for you to always be worrying about it. 

What would your dad say to your 'trading' your one active young cat for their 2 old cats? I imagine they would not be door dashers and would prefer to sun themselves and be pet. Their active 5 year old would have a playmate who can keep up with his antics.

If that doesn't work I'd suggest 'trading' her for an older calmer cat from the rescue who just wants to sun itself and be worshipped by a loving human.


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

MowMow said:


> It sounds like your cat is just a typical active healthy cat. If it were just bugging the dog, I would say that you should try and make it work. She's playing with your dog the way our family cat played with my puppy when I was growing up. She would dive bomb her from chairs, grab her stubby tail, and grab/bite at her legs when she'd walk by. Then my dog, Mini, would turn tail and chase Lucy all over the house. It was a great game and they were great friends. Your dog just seems more mature and not interested in play, but I don't think the cat is HURTING him/her... just bugging them like a little sister.
> 
> What concerns me is the door dashing. It's dangerous for her and stressful for you to always be worrying about it.
> 
> ...


I’m not as worried about the cat bothering the dog. They probably will/would work through that in time. Some people on the other list gave me ideas about how to deal with the door dashing problem, such as throwing a toy or treat into another room when I leave etc, or just putting her in the bedroom whenever I am gone. One person even suggested getting her a harness and cat leash and correcting her whenever she goes toward the door, but I am not sure that’s a good training method for a cat since they’re not dogs. I keep going back and forth on whether I should keep her. Of course, if the rescue has no time limit on this and would be willing to transfer adoption to my parents if we eventually decide to do that, I will feel much less stressed and pressured about this. Right now I feel like I have to make a decision right away and it’s not fun.

One of the old cats is actually a door dasher. The female might be a good fit but I don’t think my parents would be open to giving her to me.

I’ll just have to see what the rescue says, and of course I will need to take Stella to the vet to see if they know what could be causing her cough.

Amy


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

Everything about the cat sounds 100% normal, including the dog teasing... Jasper play bites Coco all the time and Coco doesn't mind at all. It's playful. The dog may be leery at first or the dog may be too old to want to play. Coco was afraid, but she got over it. She had no idea what to make of the cat biting her neck and tuffs of fur on her legs but soon discovered that the cat was the best playmate in the house. :lol:

There are different kinds of cat personalities and perhaps she isn't the right match for your living situation. I think it would be best to return her ASAP or find a good home for her on your own if you would be returning her to a high-kill shelter. I do think it's in the best interest of the cat not bonding more to you and your dog if down the road you just can't make it work. Door dashing really is not good in your situation.

I would echo others here and suggest an older cat (at least 2-3 years) and one in a foster home so you know what you're getting, it will likely will be the same type of cat in your home after an adjustment period.

I do want to say, though, that the idea of getting more cats down the road is a huge ordeal. Are you prepared for several month-long introductions? Where one cat is shut in a single room? Cats can be _extremely _territorial among their own species. They may never be good friends and just tolerate one another, or they may never get along at all... ever. Some cats can be very laid back with other species but when it comes to other _cats_... watch out!! In this case, I would consider getting a bonded pair now and save yourself the hassle down the road of cat-to-cat introductions.


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

imho, I don't think "Stella" is a good fit for your situation. Torties can be bossy and at times temperamental, and stubborn and obstinate. A lot don't like to be lap cats or even picked up ---often only briefly. If I were in your situation I would want a calm, sweet-tempered, gentle cat, one that's not overly active, likes to snuggle, one that has beautiful fur to carress....and that would be a Persian. Altho there may be some Persians in a rescue facility, you may have better luck with getting one from a breeder...a retired show cat that is used to being handled and groomed a lot from the time it was a kitten would be my choice. It would be best to take someone with you to a breeder to check out how well the cats are cared for and how they respond to people. Good luck.


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

I wanted to add that "Stella" _will_ be bossy with your service dog, and I don't think this is good for the dog who needs peaceful rest and relaxation when she isn't working.


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

Carmel, if I could I would get two cats now, but unfortunately I am only allowed one pet in my apartment, and I don’t know when I will be able to move somewhere else. My parents have had lots of experience introducing new cats into the family. Some of the results have been good and some not so good. I think the best thing to do would be to get one of the opposite sex later. It’s impossible to know what will work and what won’t, but the one thing I can’t do is get two cats now. Believe me, I really wish I could.

I did read up on tortoiseshell cats on the Internet after I got Stella. It never occurred to me that certain personality types are more common in some colors of cats, not just breeds, or I would have researched it before I committed to adopt her and probably wouldn’t have ended up getting her. She actually is more cuddly than the tortoiseshell stereotype, but she’s not really a lap cat like I said. I am going to see if the rescue would be willing to transfer adoption to my parents even a while down the road if we just can’t make it work. Also, I still don’t know if she may have a medical condition that would mean she has to take medicine, and if that’s the case I can’t keep her anyway, if it’s expensive. I know I’m getting ahead of myself there. She might just have a little virus or something. I have noticed that her infrequent coughs occur when she has been playing hard.

Amy


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

catloverami said:


> imho, I don't think "Stella" is a good fit for your situation. Torties can be bossy and at times temperamental, and stubborn and obstinate. A lot don't like to be lap cats or even picked up ---often only briefly. If I were in your situation I would want a calm, sweet-tempered, gentle cat, one that's not overly active, likes to snuggle, one that has beautiful fur to carress....and that would be a Persian. Altho there may be some Persians in a rescue facility, you may have better luck with getting one from a breeder...a retired show cat that is used to being handled and groomed a lot from the time it was a kitten would be my choice. It would be best to take someone with you to a breeder to check out how well the cats are cared for and how they respond to people. Good luck.


That kind of cat sounds perfect. I don’t know much about Persians, though I did see one at a cat rescue I visited. She was lying on top of a cat tree and I was able to pet her. They said she had been a feral cat but now she was used to humans and being groomed every day. She didn’t like to be picked up or held much yet but was much calmer, and she did seem very calm when I pet her.

My two favorite breeds are the Siamese and Maine ****, the Siamese because I had an amazing one growing up and the Maine **** because my sister used to have a really nice one. I actually wanted to adopt one, but by the time they got my application approved he had already been adopted. I also know many great cats are “mutt” cats.

Anyway, right now I will just wait to hear back from the rescue.

Amy


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## gizmothecat (Jun 26, 2013)

im thinking of an older cat. i think 2 is still "young". in your circumstance, i dont think they could get mad....this isnt working for you and not what you had "ordered" i do feel bad for the cat to have to go back...no doubt about it. but...i dont think this was a good match....in my opinion. maybe a cat a lil older...4, 5 or 6? still have plenty of years left but might ....i said might be a lil more couch potato....but you have to be real clear that you want a docile...even lazy cat but affectionate. they should be able to match you...maybe speak to the head person at the rescue. good luck and please keep us posted.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

Amy it sounds like the people on the other site are thinking cats are like dogs which couldn't be father from the truth. You do not solve cat issues like you would with a dog. Author Pamela Johnson Bennet has wonderful books out on cat behavior. They help you navigate the cats world from that species perspective! Can you get those books on talking books?

A Persian cat is high maintenance. Brush daily. Clean their eyes twice a day. I wouldn't recommend them either


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

^^^^ what she said about Persians. Each cat is a different personality so don't go by breed for behavior. There are no cookie cutter cats. Even a 6yo like my Coco can be quite active, but generally speaking 5 or 6 would be a great age. Still a lot of years of companionship left. If the number one issue is the door darting, then do all you can to minimize this with microchip and collar with tags just in case kitty runs out. If the number one issue is the relationship between dog and cat then I can't help much. Never had a dog with a cat before, let alone a service dog. Please keep us posted on your decisions and circumstances. I for one am happy to support any decision you make as it seems you have thought this through.

One final suggestions is trying some Fel-i-way diffusers. They can help calm down kitty and take the edge off but it's important to get enough of them. One covers UP TO 650sf. I would need 4 for my 2000sf house to get good saturation. They don't work for some, but for others they can be a miracle.


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## Nora B (Nov 6, 2010)

Hi Amy,
The conflicting messages you get have everything to do with the groups of people you are talking to. With the seeing eye dogs you do absolutely everything to make it work that needs to be done because there is such a limited pool of dogs. Cats available for adoption are a different matter and those of us who have worked for or within these programs know there are so many cats available whose personalities are developed and known ore are likely available for adoption at any given time. 

The getting more than one cat now advice might work if that wasn't disallowed by your financial and housing circumstances however that isn't anything that can really work for you at this time.

The switching cats with your parents for the older female could be a could solution for now but does come with it's own set of financial and emotional challenges, not to mention potential family drama.

Working with Stella's adopting agency does sound like a very good option. I too would suggest talking to them and sharing what you have written here as it is so complete. I would take it step further and suggest a cat that is at least 4 years old. At four to five years of age your truly have an adult that is beyond adolescent issues and personality is firmly set. You would know it's as quite as it is going to get. 

If you can manage it emotionally a senior cat may be a really good fit for you right now. It would could allow for the quiet lap time for a set number of years and then likely by the time your life circumstances changed substantially (7+/-) years you may be in a position of looking for new feline companionship in your life. Or you could wind up with more than a dozen years of what you were looking for all along.

Lastly I think You are very right to be protective and concerned about your dog. I adore cats I really do, but your dog is not just a pet and has to be in prime condition emotionally and physically to do right by you, anything that negatively impacts that just cannot be okay. You are doing the right things at the right time.
N


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

My S/O daughter raises handi dogs for the blind. I'm a little familiar with the mind set to get a dog ready for the person to take them. Plus we had a woman who helped foster for our TNR/Rescue group who was blind. From my experience, with she had limitations that we had to go over and do for her. Simple tasks, but non the less it had to be done by a sighted person like medicating, cleaning etc.

I was not talking personality about Persians I was talking maintenance. It would be a challenge for Amy to check the eyes & clean them and know they were clean twice a day. Brushing too. 

Amy, CF is very cat savvy. We understand the dynamics of a cat and what it entails. For us to give advice on service dogs would be out of our realm. So I wouldn't take their advice as being cat savvy. They do know their dogs though. I admire the raisers and people who have them after watching the process and devotion and love that go into getting the dog ready. But cats are different.

Many on this board rescue, foster, and adopt out cats and kittens. We are familiar from experience how to find a cat which would be a good fit. Let us know the response you get from the rescue you got your cat from.


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## Kneazles (Nov 18, 2013)

We have a tortie door dasher too. And sometimes takes all five of us in the family to deal with the situation. (We have finally trained her to stay in our yard so it is no longer an issue.) You are by yourself and cannot see where she flies off to. I don't know how you handle it.

It sounds as if you need an older cat who acts more like a seat cushion then a troublemaker. One that is content to relax and is very mellow. I am normally one of those people who take a "give it a chance" stance on cat adoptions. But your case is clearly different.


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## tghsmith (Dec 9, 2010)

within all type/breeds of cats their will be differances in individuals.. cats will be cats.. A fews year years back we brought home a polydactyl cat (extra toes) legend has it that the extra toed cats were favored as ship cats on sailing ships(both companion and rodent control) I started getting involved in a few poly-cat groups and the most often statement from new owners is something to the effect of "I've had many cats but none like this one" almost all seem to have dog like traits, mine is waiting at the door every evening when I come home.. they tend to very gentle and steady.. maine **** polys (historic seaport region) are very sought after.. is something with the poly gene who knows (its a dominate gene, one parent must be poly to pass it on)...


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## catloverami (Jul 5, 2010)

If you want to consider a Persian cat without the daily grooming, there is a shorthaired version.....called an Exotic. Same body type with a short, very plush coat that requires minimal grooming.
Breed Profile: The Exotic


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

Hello and welcome 

It seems I'm in the minority. I think you should keep the kitty and see if a bit more time (and some training) does the trick.

I've answered some of your specific concerns and questions below.




catsong said:


> I am saying this  because, even though Stella is very adaptable and talkative, and even though she occasionally wants to be held and sometimes sleeps with me, otherwise she is not the cat I envisioned. She has a problem of trying to get outside when someone opens the door, and this problem is worse when someone comes to visit, though she just started going close to the door again today when I opened it when no one else is there. Mom says I should just put her in the bedroom, but this sometimes works and other times Stella moves around so I need time to catch her. Right now I am unemployed, but someday when I get a job this will be very inconvenient because of time constraints, and I also feel rather bad locking her up in the bedroom when I’m not at home.


I, personally, wouldn't feel bad about restricting her to the bedroom as long as she has everything she needs in there (litter box, cat tree, toys, food, water, ect). Especially since it's a safety concern!

When you need to catch her, rather than chasing her around, try to teach her to come and be picked up.

Use a yummy treat and crouch down holding it out. When she comes over, set the treat down in front of you, then allow her to eat the treat and pick her up. If you do this quite a few times each day she'll start to like coming to you, and you won't need to chase her. 

I'm a big fan of preventative training 




catsong;[SIZE=2 said:


> [/SIZE]1709514]Second, even though Stella is not afraid of dogs and is not obviously aggressive, she sometimes bothers my dog. I don’t know if I should just let them work it out, and I don’t know if this will change over time or not. Since I am blind and Stella is very subtle about it, I can’t always tell when it is happening. At times I notice my dog getting up suddenly and moving or possibly coming over to me, but how can I know if she is just doing this because she wants to or if Stella is bothering her? When Mom was visiting earlier, she said that Stella played with Topaz’s tail and then started biting her back legs and it looked like she wasn’t hurting her, just annoying her. But this is Topaz’s place and she was here first, and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable. Though she seems to like Stella to a point, she is also cautious and nervous around her. Stella behaves like a crazy kitten part of the time, acting like this and racing around really fast and destroying her cat cube and playing with toys, and then part of the time she sleeps or rests quietly.




All of this sounds normal to me. Stella is still very new and it will take some time for Topaz to adjust to her and to understand her. Has he lived with a cat before? It may simply be his (very well trained and controlled) way of getting to know her.

I'd suggest waiting to see how it plays out, as long as Topaz doesn't seem to be avoiding her I wouldn't be worried.




catsong;[FONT=Verdana said:


> 1709514]





catsong;[FONT=Verdana said:


> [/FONT]Stella also can be sassy and temperamental, but she is also affectionate when she wants to be. One second she might talk to me in a happy voice and then suddenly say something in a sassy kind of voice. She rarely scratches me which is good, but I never know when she will suddenly change moods. In short, she’s not the laid back cat I was hoping for.




This is a bit trickier. Normal we would tell the owner to watch her body language and look for big eyes, lashing tail, ears pulling back, ect. If this isn't an option for you you may have to go a bit more by feel.

Bear with me a bit, I'm thinking back to how Jitzu FEELS when she's upset.

When you have your hand on her, she may tense, or suddenly freeze. This could be a sign of something else catching her interest, or of anxiety. If you feel that sudden tensing I'd simply hold still, rather than pulling away. Sudden movement when a cat is tense can encourage a pounce.

One big thing you could definitely feel, is back muscles rippling and tail lashing. When a cat is over stimulated (has had too much petting) their back muscles will commonly twitch from the top all the way down to the bottom, in a sort of rippling motion. That's a key sign that she's done being touched for now.

Tail lashing you'd be able to hear (depending on the cat) as well as feel if you were near by. There's a definite difference in rhythm and intensity will all of my cats when they're feeling crowded. They thump their tails hard on whatever's near by, tense, then strike. Slow, deliberate, steady, thumps would be a good indicator.





catsong;[FONT=Verdana said:


> 1709514]





catsong;[FONT=Verdana said:


> [/FONT]The last thing I forgot to mention is that Stella has a cough, but I only notice it infrequently, maybe a few times a day. Mom says a cat of my sister’s sounds like this and she has asthma and has to take medicine. If this is an issue I don’t know if I can easily afford that.




I'd suggest checking on this with a vet before including it as a concern. It could be anything from just a cough, a mild reaction to new dust (new meaning your home's vs the shelters), a heart condition, asthma, ect. There's just no way to know without consulting a vet.



catsong said:


> I really appreciate these responses. I admit that Stella’s door dashing has improved a lot since I got her, but she still tries to get outside sometimes.


This, to me, sounds like she's still improving. I think with some training you can get complete control of this.




catsong said:


> Another thing is that I posted my concerns on a list for graduates of The Seeing Eye, which means that they are all blind too, and I have gotten a couple posts back saying I am expecting too much and just need to give her boundaries and work through things. One person went so far as to say that if I get another cat, I will still be unhappy. Basically she was saying the problem lies with me, not the cats, and I need to work through problems the same way we do when we get our new dogs. I’m not expecting everything to be perfect, so that hurt when I read it.


As other members here have said a lot of this is simply difference in culture between two different message boards. I do not agree with the woman who said you'd never be happy, I think saying that is not only rude but also quite judgmental!

I do think that boundaries and some work will help though.




catsong said:


> I did email the rescue last night about all my concerns. They will probably email or call me back tomorrow.


Any word from the rescue??

Ok, specific tips on re-training door dashers.

1. The less often she's successful the better.
Just like any bad habit, the less often you do it the less you want to do it. If you work preventatively to keep her from getting out gradually she'll get better and better.

2. Use food.
One good trick, especially if you're on a fairly regular schedule, would be to give her her food right before you leave. If she's busy stuffing her face she can't run out the door.

So, you get everything ready, have your shoes and coat on, have Topaz ready to go, and the last thing you do is set down Stella's plate in the kitchen (or wherever) then you move it to the door and sneak out while she's still busy eating.

Treats can be used too, but you need to use a GREAT treat and you need to be able to throw it far enough away that you can get out before she's eaten the treat.

This works less-well on your way in the door....Does Topaz follow you in, or precede you? (Has nothing to do with dominance, just to be clear) In this case I'm wondering because YOU can block Stella using your body. Topaz is less likely to do that and as she becomes more comfortable with him she may sneak out underneath his belly.

3. Training.
Use food rewards to practice her sitting nicely and not running when the door is opened. You can have a family member (like your mom, who wants the kitty to stay  ) open the door a crack. As they do this you stuff yummy tuna in Stella's mouth. She she gets treats for NOT running, and you have someone who can close the door if Stella makes a run for it.

4. Prevention.
I would plan to lock Stella in your room for at least the first few months. This doesn't need to be forever, but if you work on training her not to run you want to make SURE she's not going to get a chance to 'win' by getting out. Locking her in your room completely removes the possibility of her escaping, so until you're sure she won't try keeping her contained is safest.

Personally, I'd also suggest having her wear a harness rather than a collar. It's not cruel, or dangerous, ect, but it MAY help you out a lot. Both of my boys wore harnesses from when they could fit the tiniest one I could find (about 5 weeks old) until they were almost a year, exactly because of door dashing and other kitten-y bad habits. I could grab them by the 'handle' and make sure they were safe.

It would only take a short time for her to get used to it, but it would be one more thing between her and the exciting out doors if you could grab her, safely, as needed.


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

I don't know why it showed up so weirdly...something went on with the forum's 'quote' mechanism in my post...


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## dseag2 (Nov 28, 2013)

I will add a different perspective and say that I've had 3 female cats in my lifetime and now have 1 female and 2 males. Up until recently, I adopted females because I thought they would be more gentle and I'd heard the males "sprayed" due to territory. Not true. The neutered males are absolute "pussycats" (pun intended) and are loving almost to the point of being needy. They are also less skittish. The 8 year old lies in my lap every night while I watch TV and is always ready for petting. The 5 month old loves to be held and petted as well, but he is much more active than what you would be looking for.

Every female cat I've had has been temperamental, and the 16 y/o we put down last year (even though she would sleep on top of me) would bite me in the face if I looked at her directly. The females just seem to be more high strung.

There was also virtually no socialization required with our two boys. They got along well and were playing together from the beginning. However, the female wants nothing to do with either of them (even though she and Milo have been together for 8 years). 

I just think an older, neutered male cat may be a much better companion for you.


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## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

Well it is certainly interesting to read people's experiences with their cats...
Here's mine-4 male cats, all lovers!
6 female cats, all except for the newest, she's still settling in, are lovers! All colors and a mixture of sexes...oh, they all get along with each other and the dogs as well
Imagine that!


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

dseag2 - My male cat sprayed _and_ randomly bit me -- while it isn't common, males cats are more likely to spray than females. My other male cat had crystals at 3 years of age -- another thing males cats are prone to, and much more life threatening than if a female cat were to get the same problem (as a result, my first cat died at 3 yers of age), my male cat _now_ has odd peeing issues too, FLUTD. Meanwhile my female cat, of which there's only ever been one, has been wonderful. 

It depends on the cat. 

If I was to based solely on gender, I'd get a female (as they can be just as friendly as a male) just to minimize the potential for pee-related issues. I've had enough for a lifetime.


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## dseag2 (Nov 28, 2013)

We all have different perspectives. Two of my female cats had hyperthyroid. One had a ravenous appetite, never gained weight and ultimately died of cancer. The other went through a radioactive iodine treatment for over $3000 and she never got better. We put her down last year. Both had constant diarrhea and never used the litter box as they got older. I'm not sure which is worse... that or spraying.

Our 8 year old male has had no health issues and never sprays. Not saying that it will never happen, but we all speak from personal experience.


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## Carmel (Nov 23, 2010)

It sounds like your females were old, all cats get problems when they get older.

The problems I listed for male cats -- spraying and being unable to pee -- are facts that run against getting a male cat, not anecdotal.

Any cat can have problems, of course, you just had bad luck.


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## dseag2 (Nov 28, 2013)

Yes, you're right. I guess it's the luck of the draw, but whatever the health issues we take care of them like they are our kids. I still have the ashes of my very first cat, Cleo. She was with me when I was single and was so incredibly affectionate (when she wanted to be).

BTW, your Coco is beautiful!


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## Cat'sHouse (Apr 5, 2012)

I've read thru all of the posts and a couple of things come to mind:

You seem like a very intelligent and strong willed person. You have plans for the future and seem to know how you will make them happen. Good for you.

I sensed that the option of having your parents take over the adoption is not going to be well received by them. I don't think that is a good idea then. I think returning this cat and trying again would be better for all of you. Can you foster a cat thru this agency? Kind of a trial and error thing? tho that might be a lot of work.

Certain things you said have made me believe you are not 100% blind. Is this true? That can be a help when helping a new arrival to adjust to your lifestyle etc.

Have you considered adopting an animal with disabilities? Like a blind cat, or one much older who wouldn't normally be adopted? My niece makes cat mats and mice for an organization in North Carolina called Blind Cat Rescue and Sanctuary; www.blindcatrescue.com Perhaps they might know of something near you that also does this kind of work. Since your dog always goes with you I'm sure any animal would use the time you are away for resting and not getting into everything like a younger one would.

good luck on your journey.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

BCR is one of my favorite rescues. I've visited there!


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

I haven’t checked the forum in a while and didn’t know I would have so many responses!


Here is the update: Stella is settling in more. She still tries to get outside at times but it’s not as bad as it was, and I am hopeful that I can work with this. The rescue said I can return her at any time and not to worry about that. They are also willing to transfer adoption to my parents at any time if this ends up not working out. It’s almost as if Stella knew I was thinking about giving her back and she started acting more affectionate. She doesn’t sit on my lap for ages like I had hoped for, but she will sometimes climb on my lap and stay for up to 15 minutes, and she likes me to stand and hold her in my arms. Then she will turn her head and look at me and purr and meow. I was doing this yesterday when my long hair hit her in the face. She expressed her displeasure with this and I apologized. Then she meowed two more times, but they sounded like happy meows so I didn’t think she was still upset. Then, without warning she bit my arm and tried to get down. I don’t know if she was giving visual cues I didn’t pick up on or what, but it was a shock. That’s the only time she has done anything like that. Stella will sometimes sleep with or on me and sometimes not. She seems like a social, though independent, cat. I like her a lot, but I’m not so stressed out now, knowing my parents can adopt her if this doesn’t work out. If I do end up keeping her, when I can move to a different place where I can have more than one cat, I will probably look for a calm male lap cat. If I can’t keep her for some reason, I’ll have to start over. I am feeling better about this, though. I do like playful cats. I don’t necessarily need a cat that doesn’t like to play at all. She still likes to play but isn’t going as crazy all the time like she was at first. She will have her crazy playful moments, which are fun, and her calm sleepy moments.

Now I’ll read the newest responses.

Amy


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## librarychick (May 25, 2008)

It sounds to me like she's settling in really well. 

As you get to know her better, and she gets to know you, she'll probably calm down even more. Her biting may decrease because she'll learn to trust you. The only way to find out if that will help is time.

I'm glad things are improving!


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

Mitts & Tess said:


> Amy it sounds like the people on the other site are thinking cats are like dogs which couldn't be father from the truth. You do not solve cat issues like you would with a dog. Author Pamela Johnson Bennet has wonderful books out on cat behavior. They help you navigate the cats world from that species perspective! Can you get those books on talking books?
> 
> A Persian cat is high maintenance. Brush daily. Clean their eyes twice a day. I wouldn't recommend them either


 The people on the other list who responded to me are cat owners as well as Seeing Eye dog users. Some of them gave good advice but I did not agree with all of it. That one about correcting the cat did not sound like a good idea to me.

I have read Pamela Johnson Bennett’s book Think Like a Cat. I was able to download an audio version of it. I will see if I can get any more of her books.


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

Actually, dog switches during class do happen, and sometimes a dog doesn’t work out even after the team goes home. Of course everyone does all they can to make it work, but for various reasons it doesn’t always work. I have had dog switches myself so I know this firsthand. I won’t write any more about that since it is off topic. I see what you mean, though. There are many more adoptable cats out there than guide dogs, especially a dog that is the right match for a handler.


I actually am pretty sure Mom would be very willing to adopt Stella if she doesn’t work out for me, because she is attached to her. I don’t want to take Pepper because she is happy where she is. She already had to change homes several years ago (long story) and she is much happier with my parents and I don’t want to move her again.


Things are actually going better between Stella and Topaz. Topaz has been around many cats since I got her because there are lots of cats in my family, but none of them have attacked her tail and legs and tried to play with her like that etc. They seem to be getting along pretty well now, for the most part anyway.


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

Mitts & Tess said:


> My S/O daughter raises handi dogs for the blind. I'm a little familiar with the mind set to get a dog ready for the person to take them. Plus we had a woman who helped foster for our TNR/Rescue group who was blind. From my experience, with she had limitations that we had to go over and do for her. Simple tasks, but non the less it had to be done by a sighted person like medicating, cleaning etc.
> 
> I was not talking personality about Persians I was talking maintenance. It would be a challenge for Amy to check the eyes & clean them and know they were clean twice a day. Brushing too.
> 
> ...


 
What is handi dogs for the blind? I have never heard of this. Do you mean your daughter is a puppy raiser? I know of a guide dog school called Guide Dogs for the Blind but I never heard of handi dogs for the blind.

When you say this blind person needed help with medicating and cleaning, what exactly do you mean? I’m just curious. I don’t mean to sound confrontational. This has nothing to do with my blindness, but I would prefer to get a cat that is not high maintenance like a Persian. Of course blind people are just as capable at grooming as sighted people. My first guide dog was a German shepherd and now I have a golden retriever. They both have lots of hair and I have had to groom them both. There is someone on one of the guide dog email lists I’m on that has to put medication in her dog’s eyes every day for an ongoing eye condition. I don’t remember how she ended up doing it, but she found a way. Anything is possible for a person, blind or sighted, as long as you have the drive and the desire to get it done. Well, of course that’s not one hundred percent true. No one can do everything. Some things do require vision, but you would be surprised at how many things blind people can do by using senses other than sight. Dogs are probably easier to give medication to, though. Of course there are exceptions. My first dog took thyroid medicine twice a day for several years. We have to brush our dogs’ teeth, groom them, give them medicine etc. Some people trim their dogs’ nails but I prefer to have someone do it for me. I take her to a facility where you can bathe your own dogs but use their shampoo and equipment etc. Really, it’s a personal decision, how much a person does themselves and how much they want or need help with. I’m not sure if I would be good at giving a cat medication, unless they were unusually docile, lol.


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

librarychick said:


> Hello and welcome
> 
> It seems I'm in the minority. I think you should keep the kitty and see if a bit more time (and some training) does the trick.
> 
> I've answered some of your specific concerns and questions below.


 
Thank you so much for the suggestions. I will definitely try these.

Also thank you for the explanation of how a cat feels. This is confusing, because Stella has a very long tail which she is constantly moving around. When she is happy she moves it up and down and thumps it on the floor or whatever she is on. So I don’t know how to tell if she is unhappy by her tail movement. I have done this with some cats but it doesn’t work with her. I’ll pay attention to the rippling back muscles.

I still need to take her to the vet. The rescue said we can go there, but I have to wait for transportation. It’s too far away to get there by bus or paratransit.

I agree that it wasn’t nice to say I would never be happy with a cat at first and no matter what cat I got I would have problems to deal with.

Thanks again for all the information. I actually have been locking Stella in the bedroom or bathroom each mealtime. I feed her first, close the door, then feed Topaz and take her outside. It is working well.

Topaz and I usually walk inside together, or one or the other will go in first depending. There isn’t any set way we do it. So far, when Stella is loose in the apartment, I get down near the floor or ground when I open the door so I can tell if she is waiting to try and get out.


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## catsong (Feb 15, 2014)

The female Siamese cat I had while growing up was not temperamental at all. My parents have a male cat right now who is. I think they’re just all different. It also helps to read what people on this forum are saying about torties and other stereotypes. I am relieved, actually. I was concerned when I first read about tortitude and all that right after I got Stella, especially when we were having problems.

I am confused by all these responses, and I don’t remember who said this, but I am mostly blind. The little vision I have is not very usable, if that makes sense. I’m not sure what I said that sounds like I have some sight?

Amy


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## Marcia (Dec 26, 2010)

catsong said:


> Then, *without warning she bit my arm and tried to get down*. I don’t know if she was giving visual cues I didn’t pick up on or what, but it was a shock. That’s the only time she has done anything like that.
> Amy


Happy to hear the over all good report. You can work with this nipping. You may have touched a spot that bothers her (microchip spot?), or maybe her tummy and this surprised her - or perhaps her emotions just ran amuck. Cats will nip out of love, fear or aggression. When my Lacy did this (for almost a year!), I would yell in my BIG MOMMY VOICE, "*NO*!" or *OUCH*! coupled with *BAD GIRL*!! and withdraw attention or affection for however long I was sitting there. Normally we both took a time out and she would eventually come back to my lap. The nips got more and more infrequent. She now favors hubby's lap when there is a choice and has NEVER nipped him to my knowledge. :|


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## gizmothecat (Jun 26, 2013)

my gizmo know when shes gone to far in play.....if i say OWWWWWWW..i dont even have to say it loud....she immediately stops. the more you correct bad behavior....the more she learns. in correcting i mean....saying owww or no and ignoring her a lil bit....if your holding her...put her down.


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