# Disappointed about the kitten I picked



## kittymeow (Sep 18, 2006)

I have had my kitten (6 mos old) for about 2 months now (neutered male). I have to say I am more then a little disappointed with him. As far as manners, he is great. Uses the litterbox, uses his scratching posts (for the most part), doesn't have a mean bone in his body. 

But... he just doesn't seem very affectionate. About the ONLY time he will sit on my lap or lay on me is at 6:00 in the morning when he wakes me up. He will lay on my chest and enjoy some petting for about 15 minutes. The rest of the day he will never sit on my lap. It is very hard to even get him to come over to be petted. He will plop down on the floor and accept petting from me this way though. It seems like I always have to go to him and never the other way around. My husband is not really up for sitting on the floor to pet the cat so he has very little interaction with him - he doesn't understand why the cat just doesn't come to us (either on our lap or even on the couch would be nice). He does appear to want to always be in the same room as us though.

It is so insulting when I am sitting there the whole evening waiting for him to come to me and he chooses to fall asleep on an end table or under the bed. Just kind of breaks my heart because this the only cat I will ever have until he dies (DH only agreed to one cat).

I am home all day and have two young children (ages 4 & 6). He does tolerate the kids but I wonder if some of somewhat skittishness is because of them. 

Anyhow, can I take the fact that he lays on me every morning as a sign that as he grows up and calms down some (as well my kids grow up) that he may become more of affectionate and a lap cat?

My one thought is that maybe I need to train him to come to me for attention. Stop petting him when he is laying on the floor. Maybe if I "starve" him for attention for a while he will realize that it is worth coming to me for it?


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

If anybody ends up getting starved for attention, it'll be you. :wink: 

First serious comment: this is a young cat, and hasn't been with you very long. It can take six months to a year for a cat to really lose all inhibitions in a new home. And the kids probably have something to do with his aloofness, as well.

Second serious comment: if your cat is food-motivated, you can encourage the behaviors you want with treats. Make it a kind of a game. Hide treats on your person. Then sit down or lay down and let him come to you to find treats. You might need to "prime the pump" the first time or two.

You may never have a first-class cuddle cat, but I think with time and patience things will improve. And a cat is like a kid...you never know what you'll end up with, but you have to accept it and love it.  

Best wishes & good luck.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

Please don't give up on your kitty. Cinderella is 4 years old, and will NEVER be a lap cat. I've only had her for six months, but she doesn't like being picked up and held and does *not *sit in laps. And it really used to hurt my feelings when I would pet her when she laid down next to me, and she would get up and walk off. I've learned that sometimes they just want to be close, but not touched. But, she's affectionate in other ways, like when I wake up, and sit up, she walks all around my body, purring and rubbing up against me (yes, she wants to be fed :roll: ), and when I get home she runs and jumps on my bed because she knows she'll get petted and brushed. And when I'm sleeping, she usually has to be at least very near or touching me. 

So, what I'm saying is, take what he offers, he'll get more relaxed in your home, and even if he never sits in your lap, at least he's using the litterbox. No, seriously, read some threads on this forum and be very, very happy he is!  He sounds like a great little kitty, he just needs to find his way in his own time. 

Please post some pictures if you can.


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## akstacey88 (Jan 21, 2005)

My cat Scamper never really got affectionate until after he was 2 and a half years old. Now he lays on my lap and sleeps on the bed curled up next to me each night. After they get a bit older their personalities can change.


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## jazzel69 (Sep 13, 2006)

Your kitty sounds great, and like the other posts said I am sure he will be affectionate in his own way. Neither of my cats are lap cats although both are very affectionate, they purr, and knead, and rub around me, and one sits behind my head, and the other will sit on the arm of the chair. 

I do see what you say about young kids, as one of mine 'was' a lap cat until my children were born, I think she got fed up of me getting up and down to see to the kids that she gave up trying to sit on my lap! 

I am sure you and your kitty will have a happy life together.


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## dawnalina (Apr 26, 2006)

Hang in there! I've had my kitty five months and she's just starting to come out of her shell. And remember that in his own little subtle way, he is giving you affection ... wanting to be in the same room, sleeping at the foot of the bed, etc. That's all a good start and you can build slowly on that.


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## nklincoln (Aug 2, 2005)

Molly Girl is not and has never been a lop kitty. She is 14. If I am sitting down and she wants the chair she will sit by me and shove until I have no room and let her have it. Can you say who is the BOSS!.
She sometimes allows me to pet her. Not often and only on her terms.
Now for Beans she can't wait to get up on your lap.


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## doodlebug (May 13, 2006)

This is one of the 'dangers' of adopting a kitten...you never know what you're going to get for a personality. Cats change and evolve over time and what he is today may be something completely different a year from now. The great thing is when they surprise you and start doing something completely out of character...

Maggie is a good example. She has never been a lap cat and would allow me to pet her in the morning while I'm getting ready for work and at night lying in bed...for about 2 minutes. Other times she would duck her head a scoot away when I'd reach out to touch her. All of a sudden (and I think this is related to Callie having left us) she's looking for attention much more often, doesn't duck as much and at night when I'm reading in bed, comes up and lays on my book and insists I pet her. 

My point is that different significant events and changes in your life/household will often precipitate a change in your cat.


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## kittymeow (Sep 18, 2006)

Of course the day after I write this post, my cat actually sits on my lap, not once, but twice in one day! Once was when I was at the computer - he climbed down off the desk and onto my lap. He did appear to want to be petted -- my kids were very nearby and he was "on alert" should they ambush him.

Second time when I was laying on my bed. I kept calling him and patting my chest. Finally, I got tired of it and just laid there. He came walking over and laid on my chest for about 5 minutes. He let me pet him but he still looking around and was very aware of every little noise.

I really think that he would be more relaxed if I didn't have a 4 year old and 6 year old in the house. They are pretty good with him (I don't let them annoy him) but they are loud, they jump arouond a lot and are regular kids.

Thanks so much for the encouragement. It really makes my day when I get attention from this cat.


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## Lisa 216 (Oct 25, 2004)

I'm glad to hear that you had some quality lap time  

Two things I would like to point out:

1) Your kitten is still young and active. As he gets a bit older and slows down a bit, you may see him become more affectionate. Right now, he is probably mostly interested in playing, eating, and sleeping  

2) I think it helps to let your cat know that you want him to cuddle. If you see him starting to settle down for a rest, pick him up and move him over to where you are. Figure out where he enjoys being scratched or petted most. 

My cat Pepper became much more cuddly once she realized that she was welcome and was going to get some nice back scratches  

My cats often like to sit next to me instead of on my lap. I think they prefer the stability and lack of movement sometimes :wink:


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## Sky Eyes Woman (Feb 26, 2006)

None of my cats are lap cats. They hardly ever sleep next to me anymore either. Sure, I miss having a cat like Pearl, who loved being held, loved sitting on my lap and always slept next to me but not every cat is going to be like that. Mine each have their times and places they come to me for affection. Kit N. comes and lays with me on the couch when I'm watching TV, The DustBunny comes for petting and kisses when I'm sitting in front of the computer and Dude stops by for a scratch and a pet when I'm laying down to sleep but he never stays very long.

Your kitten may change his aloof ways as he gets older. Kit N. is a good example of this, she used to totally ignore me when she was younger and was a complete hellion for a couple of years. I knew I'd always keep her because she came from a place where the people just let their cats run around outside, get all kinds of diseases and breed like crazy. She was NOT going back to that so I kept her and dealt with it.


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## gsc4 (Mar 27, 2005)

Squirrel only cuddles on my lap when it is winter. Just this week when the weather has started to get cooler has she begun napping on my lap again. 

Cats have an inate ability to find the warmest spot in the room. Once winter comes, your cat may figure out that your lap is the warmest place around.


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## kitty_kisses (Jun 27, 2004)

When I first saw Jasmine at the shelter, she was all cuddles. When i brought her home, that changed - she had for more important things to do than cuddle me. Today she's one of the biggest sucks going... even though her cuddles are on her terms. She'll sleep with me fir weeks, then go weeks without sleeping with me. She is, after all, her own being... Personally, I think that makes the cuddles all the more special - she's choosing me. 

Be patient. Your kitty may calm down to be a great snuggler yet. And if the kitten doesn't, then enjoy some quality play time with it instead... you'll grow to love that just as much.


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## sefaleth (Mar 8, 2006)

kittymeow said:


> Second time when I was laying on my bed. I kept calling him and patting my chest. Finally, I got tired of it and just laid there. He came walking over and laid on my chest for about 5 minutes. He let me pet him but he still looking around and was very aware of every little noise.


Like everyone else says, he's still a kitten, and kitten grow into and out of things. Some cats prefer to be with you rather than in your lap.

However, I was wondering if you look directly at your cat when you are calling him? Direct eye contact is a warning to cats, so you may be sending mixed signals when you call him and stare him down. That's why cats usually hop up when you're reading a book or look at the computer screen - it's kitty language for welcome up! You could also try putting a fleece on your lap - most cats don't like sitting on jeans or lumpy pocket bulges.

Personally, I believe that cats think that a response time of 30 minutes is perfectly acceptable - that's why it's so hard to get them to do a trick on command. It's also why cats will hop up into your lap just about the time you have to get back up.


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## karebu (Sep 12, 2006)

*kitty not affectionate*

how energetic is your kitten? He may be just too rambunctious yet to want to settle down long enough for a good cuddle. That was how one of my kitties was when he was a little guy yet; it was torture for him to sit still longer than a couple of minutes unless he was out cold. You can make yourself look more appealing to him for a good cuddle by sitting still and don't stare at him. If you do look at him, lower your eyelids so you aren't looking at him with big eyeballs and talk to him in like you would a little baby, high-pitched but not loud.


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## LettuceLady (Nov 8, 2004)

My cats didnt become affectionate until they were 2. They were doing busy being kittens and didnt really take teh time to sleep on my lap. Now, they are little sweeties.
Dont give up! It could of been worse. You could of gotten a destructive kitten who hated his litter box.
Best of luck!


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