# Elderly and their pets



## bkitty (Aug 17, 2009)

Recently found that my Gram was going to have to go into a nursing home. There is no provision in a living will or instructions on what to do with her cat. Pookie was mine until she was 5 and Gram needed a pet. She is a healthy 17 years old now. The other family members have put their 2 cents in and think the appropriate action would be to euthenize Pookie since she is so old and could never adapt to a new situation.
How many of us have legal documents that define what will happen to our kitties if we become ill or are incapacitated in some way?


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## Greenport ferals (Oct 30, 2010)

I don't yet, but my brother has his cats in his will. 
Can you take Pookie?


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## WhiteKitties (Dec 22, 2008)

I don't have legal documents either, but at least the peace of mind of an agreement with my brother that he would take in my girls if needed and I would take in his three if needed.

I also would try to get Pookie back - if she's healthy I don't see any reason why she couldn't adapt to living with you again. Yes it's been a while, but her age is no reason to end her life!


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## Greenport ferals (Oct 30, 2010)

Your Gram would surely be devastated if the family put her cat down. 
Poor lady has enough to deal with, having to go in a nursing home.


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## bkitty (Aug 17, 2009)

Gram & I had an agreement for me to take in Pookie but Mother is insisting since she has Power of Attorney it is her right to make all decisions about Pookie. Gram does not have the ability to verbalize her desires right now. It would take a legal battle to override any decisions. And she is already making excuses about it being neccesary to have her put down. She pukes several times a week. She must have something wrong since her urine smells so strong. She only wants to eat canned food. Errr... clean the cat box more than weekly, what cat that is not combed out thouroghly every day doesn't puke up hairballs, & who wouldn't prefer Wellness or Blue Buffalo canned food (I stock her up on several months of food at a time) over generic dry. I'm 700+ miles away and can only make it back every 2-3 months to be the alternate caregiver.


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## jusjim (Jun 30, 2009)

Can you make a compromise. Alternative situation and proper care for Pookie. Then if it doesn't work out, euthanising could be considered. Death is so final. Pookie deserves another year or two.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

This has my hackles up! 
If anyone did that to my cat, or a family member's cat that I had expressed a desire to take in and care for ... I would completely disown them. And if I couldn't disown them they would know, with EVERY interaction with me, how I had lost all respect for and despised them for their power-hungry, dictator-like and unconscionable decision to end a pet's life w/out giving me the chance to help the pet by caring for it until a *veterinarian* had deemed it un-saveable.
Gah!


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## suwanee (Jan 22, 2011)

This isn't about Pookie. This is about your mother's need to control you, her mother, and apparently the family. This is going to be ugly. 

Your mother needs counseling for the stress she is under. 

In the meantime, you need to stand up to her and insist that gram wanted you to take Pookie. Then begin to make plans and do so.


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## paperbacknovel (Jun 9, 2010)

Yeah, I would take Pookie, even if I had to invade the home to do so!

I'm sorry you and your family are in this situation.


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## Nora B (Nov 6, 2010)

There are so many difficulties in the situation you described, no real clear and easy right answers. The idea of planning for your pets when you can't care for them any longer is so foriegn to most people - they tend to think of it as eccentric if they think of it all...Disney's Aristocats anyone?

I have plans in place but the animals aren't in my actual will, just my children. In a place like this forum where people so passionately love their cats it is easy to get caught up in the group emotion, to expect or even insist on more from others and it can be easy to dash off a sentence or two telling someone what to do...

I appreciate the initial reminder to plan not just for myself but to ask about plans from my parents (i could easily take their cat but their 80 pound lab...yikes!)

For what it is worth I've gone through the long and arduous process of helping one of my grandmothers from the time she was unable to care for herself and through her death, in the 'best' of circumstances it is exhausting and stressful, clearly you're in a less than 'best' situation. 

From the outside looking in I really feel for you, and your family (Gram, Mom, Pookie...seems like everyone is in a hard place.) I wouldn't push things past where you feel a need to, maybe pushing for Pookie to stay with you is worth the family trauma and damage it will bring, maybe it isn't. 

Death isn't inherrently evil and if your Gram could voice her desires she might choose for you and your Mom not to go to war. You'll have to decide what's best on your own but you may find that your Gram needs you to battle for her in another way even more than she wants you to push for Pookie to live a bit longer....
Sending good thoughts and prayers your way...
Nora


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## tigressbythetail (Dec 1, 2010)

As one who had to take in my mother's four cats, two seniors and two with behaviorial issues, I have to say the idea of euthanizing Pookie solely on the basis of age is abhorrent and I wonder why your mother is insisting on this if you are willing to take Pookie, and it was your grandmother's wish that you do so. People get all in an uproar at even the suggestion of euthanizing humans based on age and or illness (as witnessed in the US over heath care reform and the outrageous claim that it included death panels) but so casually suggest the euthanizing of an animal for the same reasons. 

If it was me, I'd just take Pookie home with me and that would be that. I hope things turn out well for everyone, including Pookie.


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## Alpaca (Dec 21, 2009)

Although I do not know the details, I also am puzzled about your mother's insistence to euthanization even after you specifically agreed to take the cat AND your grandmother expressed the wish that you do. Even if your mother has full power of attorney, it doesn't make ANY sense for her to end the cat's life when there's already accomodation alternatives. You don't even live with your mother, right? So what does it matter to her if you take it or not? It does sound like a control issue, not even related to the cat itself.

I'd also be super mad and raise a super HUGE racket that they'd hear me all the way in Australia (I'm in Canada). To me, pets are innocent and we are their caretakers. They are unable to speak and are fully dependent on us, hence must place their full trust in us to take care of them with their best interests in mind. I feel there is a breach of that trust here.

However again, I am not privy to the details on your family dynamics. I'm sure you are the best person to make whatever decision you need to. I hope things work out amicably for you all.


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

I live in an area with a lot of senior citizens. Our TNR/Rescue group will adopt out for free an older cat for the people to enjoy. We will help with food, vet care and when they cant care for the cat any longer they are to be returned to us. We have refridgator magnets with out phone numbers on if an emergency happens and the cats need to be pick up and removed from the home

Weve had vets call us when Drs have told senior citizens they need to give up their pets. The people bring them in to be euthanized. That is when we get the call to take the cats and find them homes.

One of my friends has a $100,000 trust fund for her cats if anything would happen to her. Another friend of mine has me in their will if something should happen to them I would come get their two cats. My sister who is in bad health has 3 cats and they will go to me if something would happen. Or mine to her or my youngest son if something would happen to me.


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## bkitty (Aug 17, 2009)

In the world there are folks who have a problem with attachment, they cannot view an animal as being worth becoming emotional attached for any period of time. As soon as it becomes a chore or boring they move on. But at the same time they have an intense need to be recognised for their loving accomplishments. Purebred pets that get sold or sent the shelters after a year. Multiple pets that get sick & never come back from the vet. Same symtoms in personal lives, multiple marraiges and kids that go to aunts, uncles & grandparents. But others in family can't see beyond the public persona and the verbal arguements. The past is ignored for the very charming persuasion and loving displays. 
legal battle is not an option - too many "she said" statements & family taking sides
This will happen & I can not stop it


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## Marshel (Dec 22, 2010)

Don't know Grams health issues, but can't fathom the families objection to you taking in Pookie. Could be a good thing for Pookie and Gram if you can take Pookie into the nursing home for a visit.

When my son was a Freshmen in highschool. the FFA would set up portable panels and take thier animals into a local nursing home. My son was raising sheep at the time. He struck up a conversation with an elderly women. Her husband and her were sheep farmers. My son lead his lamb to her. She just hugged the lamb and broke down crying.

My son was an avid **** hunter at the time and also took the house coondog in. The dog had been trained to many tricks. The dog amused the elderly folks when he put her through the routine. He also struck up a conversation with an elderly gent that was a **** hunter.

Animals can be very good for the elderly. I believe Gram would much appreciate visit from you and Pookie.


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## MinkaMuffin (Apr 1, 2011)

Honestly I would say **** to what your mom says and take the cat back with you next time you visit. What's it to her if the cat _lives_ somewhere where she doesn't have to worry about it?

Also, yea, the cat will most likely stop puking if it is put on a BB, BG, or Wellness canned food diet, so ya..

(btw i star'd that out myself, I hope thats ok)


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## Nora B (Nov 6, 2010)

bkitty said:


> In the world there are folks who have a problem with attachment, they cannot view an animal as being worth becoming emotional attached for any period of time. As soon as it becomes a chore or boring they move on. But at the same time they have an intense need to be recognized for their loving accomplishments. Purebred pets that get sold or sent the shelters after a year. Multiple pets that get sick & never come back from the vet. Same symptoms in personal lives, multiple marriages and kids that go to aunts, uncles & grandparents. But others in family can't see beyond the public persona and the verbal arguments. The past is ignored for the very charming persuasion and loving displays.
> legal battle is not an option - too many "she said" statements & family taking sides
> This will happen & I can not stop it


Spoken like a survivor. 
I am glad for you that you do live so very many miles away, sometimes that is the only way to get a chance to actually breathe, process and turn your life in the directions that you want/need it to go. It's hard and things sound ugly, at least you have voices here to back up your feelings even if action isn't possible.

Knowing what you can and cannot do, empower you to not be a victim, I get the family description well - Machiavelli much? 
Perhaps your story gives you the power to tell others to prepare for their pets and the pets of those they know.


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## suwanee (Jan 22, 2011)

Just as I was going to sleep last night I thought of this and was sad for you and your family. We have such flawed existences, made worse by the things we do to those who love and trust us.

I believe there is a special place for people who treat animals like property. I hope there is a change of heart for this woman (Mom) who is obviously in a lot of pain to be able to be this manipulative.

I wish you all peace in this difficult time, and thank you for pointing out what can go wrong when we don't provide for our pets should we become unable to care for them. I have to rewrite my will anyway, and this has prodded me to do it now. I have no one to care for my animals, so I am going to go to the shelter where I got them and ask for the name of their lawyer who deals with endowments and wills. I'll post back here when I know more.


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## bkitty (Aug 17, 2009)

Contacted the vet and asked for assistance in not euthanizing except for medical issues. We have worked out a deal where if she can get a voluntary release I'll take custody as soon as I can drive back. 
Again, please prevent this type of issue from happening to your lovey cats - make your wishes known legally. It costs nothing to write something up and have it witnessed and notarized (banks will notarize for free) and add to your legal document file.


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## MowMow (Nov 6, 2010)

If you're mother gets her to the vet and insists (refuses to sign the release) I wonder if the the local animal rights group can help...?

I'm *NOT* a peta supporter by any stretch (that's a whole other thread) but in this instance it might be beneficial to sick them on her if she continues to refuse to see things your way.


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## bkitty (Aug 17, 2009)

For those who followed this thread: Pookie was euthanized this morning. Her regular vet refused so my mother found another vet who would. I got the phone call from my mother with the news accompanied with lots of weeping about Pookie's sudden death due to lung cancer followed by the exciting news that she is now free to travel. I'm not in a happy place about this. Since I'm paying the vet bills didn't she realize the truth would come back to me? 
Again for those of us who do not have specific instructions in our legal documents please avoid this heartbreaking situation & put something in writing. You don't need a lawyer - just write something up, get 2 witnesses and have it notarized. Your bank will usually do this for free or for a couple dollars. It is worth it.


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## 6cats4me (Apr 30, 2011)

bkitty said:


> .
> How many of us have legal documents that define what will happen to our kitties if we become ill or are incapacitated in some way?


Both my husband and son died unexpectedly so I became very proactive about providing for my cats after my death. My will is made out to leave money to provide for them and help to place them in safe homes or good foster care. I named responsible people who would use the money wisely and carry out my wishes for my cats. 

No one knows what tomorrow holds so it is much better to prepare and have backup plans when it comes to those we love, human or feline.


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## 6cats4me (Apr 30, 2011)

bkitty said:


> For those who followed this thread: Pookie was euthanized this morning. Her regular vet refused so my mother found another vet who would.


I am so sorry this beloved cat's life had to end before it had to. Sending comforting hugs to you and thank you for being such a caring person about Pookie. {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}


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## cooncatbob (May 27, 2011)

My heart hurts for you.
I can't understand how some people consider pets something that can just be disposed of like last weeks trash.
In my family we only put our fur babies to sleep when all hope for a quality life is gone, not when they become inconvenient.
I would have a Big Problem with my Mom if she did this after I said I'd take care of the cat.


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## BT1 (May 11, 2010)

I am so sorry that you - and Pookie! poor thing - had to go through this. This entire situation is ridiculous. I do not understand your mother at all. I will, however, be making arrangements for my cat.

Gosh, if my mother or anyone else in my family ever did this, I'd disown them. Straight up.


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## konstargirl (Feb 4, 2011)

Aww! So sorry to hear that.  I have to euthanized one of my fish too because she was so sick. R.I.P Pookie.


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## Hitomi (Nov 15, 2010)

Since you were paying for Pookie's care can you get her for putting her to sleep with YOUR money when you told her no?I'd drag one of my relatives through H**ll if they put one of my Gran's still living cats to death for no reason!


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## KittieLover (May 2, 2011)

I am soooo sorry for the loss of Pookie
R.I.P Pookie


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## CatsPride (May 29, 2011)

Sadly this is all too common. People don't think and then stuff like this happens. At least pookie lived 17 years which is longer then what most cats get and that the first vet refused to do it.


I bet if the old woman knew she would be very upset.


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## Greenport ferals (Oct 30, 2010)

CatsPride said:


> I bet if the old woman knew she would be very upset.


Agree. Total disrespect for your grandmother.


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## granitestatecat (Apr 17, 2011)

i would drive to your grams house and take pookie ... do you really think your mom is going to force the issue once the cat is in your home


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## RachandNito (Nov 21, 2008)

Disgusting. I can't believe your mom would do such a thing to her own mother.


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## bkitty (Aug 17, 2009)

The situation is bad - I really thought I could talk her into letting me have Pookie at the end of the summer, but true to form she even went to an unknown vet to get her put down. Biggest problem is now what to do next - can't strangle her: too far away. Can't truly disown her: she is in middle 70s. Need time to calm down & not talk to her for awhile. Can't change her behaviour at this late date.

And in the US legal system a pet whether it is a cat, horse, dog or gerbil as an animal it is property. You must specify who is to receive a pet and if there is money to be taken out of the estate to provide for the future care of pet. Your best option is to have something in writing otherwise your executor has the final say so in disposing of the pet as they determine is right. Without something in writing any verbal agreement for your best friend or a specific family member to take your pets in case of your death is null and void at the point of incapacitation or death and the excutor will make a decision that is legally binding without challenging. In this case, I did not legally challenge for the following reasons, 1. I did not want to cause a family war which would upset Gram. 2. I thought I could talk her into giving me Pookie when she got tired of her. Did not think she would do this this soon. 3. Out of state with health issues of my own (lamest of all)


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## Valentine's Heart (Mar 18, 2011)

I feel sorry for what you are going through. Pookie did live a very long life and had many happy years with your grandmother. I thought that would be the outcome. Your mother was intent on doing it and nothing was going to stop her. Maybe her actions will someday haunt her -- maybe not. I think Nora B was right in her statements to you. Family isn't always a supportive, wonderful place. You must live with yourself and your own actions. My own mother was extremely abusive and died relatively young (aged 62). Though I cannot forgive many things that she did to me, I do not regret that I was there when she took her last breath. (I was the only person there.) I wish you well during this difficult time and may you find peace. Though having a legal document may be helpful, it does not guarantee anything. Even if your mother had not had the legal authority, she may have done it anyway with you being so far away. Most vets would not require seeing a legal document and really what could you have done? Without going to war -- nothing.


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## CatsPride (May 29, 2011)

My mother died at 43 from type 1 and heart problems I was 12.


I think its sad, but common that this happens to pets of the elderly sooner or later.


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## Fran (Jan 9, 2008)

bkitty just a note to say I am so sorry that this happened in your family!

For what it's worth, at least you shared the story here - and you (and Pookie) can know that other pets and families might be spared this heartbreak from your 'cautionary tale'. Sadly, it is all too common to see the worst from family members when faced with the decisions regarding elderly relatives. Fear, greed, self-absorption...

atback

Fran


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## praline (Jun 3, 2011)

Very sad story =(

Since nothing can be done about Pookie now, I think pet owners can take this story and learn from it to ensure Pookie doesn't die in vane. I have never taken legal steps for the care of my pets if something should happen to me.

I asked my children what they would do with my pets if I should pass on. My 17 year old son's mouth dropped and his eyes got huge and round. He said, "Treat it like gold and bow down and worship the ground it walks on. Cause if I don't you will come back and haunt me!!"

Yup ~ training pets and teens one critter at a time :love2


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## CatsPride (May 29, 2011)

what a nice son.


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## praline (Jun 3, 2011)

CatsPride said:


> what a nice son.


Hey I am totally against using fear tactics on pets to make them behave. I however am a HUGE advocate of using fear tactics on teenage boys :cool


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