# The Gravity of Cats



## MistWolf (Mar 30, 2005)

Scientists would do well to study the common house cat to unlock the mysteries of the universe. I say common, but as it turns out, there is nothing common about a cat. They are master manipulators of gravity, time and space.

Lady Silver Belle the Destroyer, of Clan Grey Tiger is a small, grey striped tabby not quite a year old and is no exception. She weighs just under 8 pounds, according to the vet’s scale. Yet, when she steps on my chest in the morning to remind me it’s time for breakfast, weighs closer to 80.

Cats manipulate gravity to perform amazing feats of acrobatics. Belle can climb her cat tree with ease and make impossible changes in direction when she has the rips chasing invisible demons from our home. The day we brought Belle into our home, she was half-grown, scrawny, under-fed and frightened. She made the leap from the sink on one side of the bathroom to land lightly on the shower curtain rod on the other.

Cats manipulate gravity to walk with light, silent steps. This gives them a decided edge when stalking their prey, such as the elusive butter dish left carelessly on the counter after dinner. Cats know that a stray sound alerting a human to any feline trespass will result in a hunt interrupted with a rude scolding. However, cats have an edge. Cats can detect an approaching human and jump down to assume a pose of innocence before they can be caught. This is a favorite game with Belle. I hear a suspicious sound in the kitchen and when I go to investigate, I find her sitting pretty, watching me from the floor, head tilted as I scold her. “Have you been on the counter again? Counters are not for kitties!” Of course, I can prove nothing and she knows it.

Just as cats manipulate gravity to wrap their nefarious activities in stealth, they use gravity to remind us of their presence. When down in our basement to watch a little TV, there will be a rumble, as if a thousand paws are charging across the floor upstairs, shaking the whole house. A whole herd of bison charging through our home? No. Just a small cat with the rips, running and sun fishing over our heads- gravity turned up to 11.

Cats have the innate ability to feel the world through the sensitive pads in her feet- like kitty ground radar. Belle used her ground radar to map the location of each of my internal organs as I lay in my bed. This is so she can step- with her gravity increased body weight- precisely on my full bladder. This is to ensure that I know beyond any shadow of doubt it’s time to get up and make breakfast. (In case you were wondering, this is where the Cat Scan got its name.)

Along with gravity, cats can manipulate time and space. They can create portals that lets them squeeze their bodies through tiny openings to get into inaccessible spaces. This is an important skill for a cat playing hide & seek with its owner, particularly 15 minutes before a scheduled visit with the vet. Or when someone discovers the front door was left open and everyone is searching outside because no one has seen the cat since lunch.

Belle uses her ability to manipulate time and space in clever ways. Her favorite is “Hammer Space”, the ability to store large objects hidden on or (more importantly) in the body. It’s called Hammer Space because it’s used by Bugs Bunny to pull hammers from this extra-dimensional pocket to whack his unsuspecting victims over the noggin.

Belle has a different use for Hammer Space. A cat that can manipulate gravity does not need a hammer to remind her owner it's time for breakfast. Indeed, it's more important to have a bigger-on-the-inside space in which to store that breakfast. Why not use Hammer Space as a stomach instead? Belle can pack away her normal body weight in cat chow and be licking her whiskers up on the counter looking for more. She’s like a Hobbit- “What about second breakfast? Elevensies? Are you going to finish that steak?”

People complain about their cats being picky eaters. They advise cleaning out the cat dish if there’s food in it a half hour later. We don’t have that problem with Belle. We drop the bowl in front of her and get out of the way! She eats everything we put before her and licks the bowl clean. Anything that hits the kitchen floor is fair game. Yet she doesn’t grow fat. Even with her Hammer Space stomach I wonder, where does she put it all...?

…until it comes time to clean out the litter box.


----------



## eldercat (Jul 3, 2015)

Well written!


----------



## MistWolf (Mar 30, 2005)

Thank you. When I woke up this morning, I was reminded of another clever way Belle manipulates time and space. Our queen sized bed is more than large enough for my wife and I. She has her side and I have mine.

The first time Belle hopped up on our bed, my wife said "I don't think we should let her sleep with us."

"Nonsense. She's such a little thing. Belle can sleep on my side." My lovely wife (also known as She Who Always Must Be Obeyed) gave me That Look. All wise husbands know they disregard That Look at their own peril. But really- How much space can a small cat need?

Our bed is still large enough for two. My wife has her side and the other... belongs to the cat. I have to somehow fit my 6 foot, 200 lbs frame in that narrow space between. If I crowd the wife too much, she just smiles sweetly to remind me that small cats don't need much space to sleep. Belle just steps on my bladder.


----------



## MistWolf (Mar 30, 2005)

If you have tales of how your cat manipulates gravity, time and space, please share. I can't be the only one. We can form a support group.


----------



## eldercat (Jul 3, 2015)

Hah. I've often wondered how an 11 pound cat can take up most of the bed space for sleeping, even in winter when he's all curled up tight. It's remarkable. 

Summer, I understand better, as he spreads out then.


----------



## MistWolf (Mar 30, 2005)

Christmas night, I was skipping around Youtube playing some Christmas music I like and came across a video titled _Wolf Song- Nordic Lullaby._ It's a beautiful piece and worth looking up.

It starts with a lone wolf howl, haunting and beautiful. As soon as the first howl played, every hair on Belle stood straight out and she went to full alert. Her tail was full classic bottle brush. First time I've seen her like that. She was so terrified, I had to sooth her for awhile before she'd eat and she loves her food. Normally, she tries to push me away when I pick her up. This time, she snuggled close to my body as I held her. I could feel her trembling. She didn't drop her guard, though.

Amazing. Belle had never heard wolf howls before, yet it's obvious they are still imprinted on her ancestral instincts. Her inner wildness, the raw cat, still lurks just beneath her fur.


----------



## eldercat (Jul 3, 2015)

Yes, we noticed this kind of reaction with the pet python and cat. Interesting to see, being as we and our cats often live so separated from the wild world.


----------



## MistWolf (Mar 30, 2005)

I was talking to a guy about cats being light on their feet or tearing through the house like a herd of bison. He said "Our cat Checkers has Stealth Mode and Juggernaut Mode."


----------



## MistWolf (Mar 30, 2005)

Today, I treated myself to the perfect BLT sandwich. Bacon, crisp without being the slightest burnt; rich green and crisp Romaine lettuce and ripe, garden fresh tomato sliced thin, on toasted whole grain bread. As soon as I sat down to eat, Belle leapt into my lap and nosed my plate. Gently, I pushed her back. "There's my food and your food. This is mine."

Belle looked up with her bright, yellow eyes and sniffed. "There's my food and _our_ food. Next time you bring us a BLT, bread on the side; hold the lettuce and tomato."


----------



## MistWolf (Mar 30, 2005)

We rescued Belle from a live trap last August. Landlord set it out because he'd been having trouble with feral cats, foxes and coyotes chasing his rabbits & chickens. She was half grown, half starved and completely terrified.

We kept her in the bathroom for a short time, until we could get a litterbox set up. She'd jumped from the sink on one side of the bathroom to the shower curtain rod on the other- pretty as you please! No scrabbling, no slipping!

You can see how skinny she was!



Here she is now- sleek and sassy!



Hard to believe this is the same cat


----------



## 10cats2dogs (Jun 16, 2013)

You have soooo nailed this!


----------



## Raq (Feb 2, 2021)

This is a funny thread to read through!!
It never fails to amaze me how cats can scale walls that are ten times higher than them, or walk on a tiny, thin little surface, or manipulate themselves to sometimes look bigger than they actually are or smaller than they actually are.


----------

