# help! kitten hates being stroked :-(



## zoenoble (Dec 5, 2007)

Hi everyone,
My partner and I took home 2 beautiful 13 week old kittens from a shelter last sunday, and I'm looking for some advice on how to help a VERY shy kitten. They are brother (Iggy) and sister (Ella), and although the Iggy is very affectionate and will let you stroke him till the cows come home Ella won't even let you touch her, and will recoil when a hand is placed on her.

She will feed from our hand and sit near us but as soon as we try and touch her she runs away. I would love to know if there is a way we can build her confidence and show her that we are not going to harm her.

It is so confusing to have one kitten with so much love to give and the other hating any physical contact at all.

We have kept them in a safe room and we would love to let them explore the rest of the place, Iggy is dying to get out, but are worried Ella will be even more scared and hate us even more!


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

This is perfectly normal. One of my kittens is more shy than the other and actually sinks down to the ground when I go to pet her as if she's in some limbo contest I can't see.  But she's also a major lap kitty. It's just the petting she doesn't seem to care for right now.

Cleo just turned two years old and doesn't like being touched very much, but we're working on that. She had issues with her previous owners. 

Cinderella LOVES to be brushed and have her little face scratched, but will not let me hold her in my lap for even 5 seconds.

Every cat is different, you'll discover what they like and don't like. It takes patience and I know right now, it probably hurts your feelings, but it's nothing personal. 

Welcome - and please post pictures when you can!


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## zoenoble (Dec 5, 2007)

Hi Marie,

thanks for your quick reply! so how should we approach Ella? do we ignore her and let her come to us? Or should I keep trying, little by little?

Also, when should we let them out of their safe room? Do we wait for Ella to become completely happy with us or do we let them out now?


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I would let her come to you. Cinderella was my first cat (she adopted me last year) and has a sad history. I would come home from work and she would hide under my bed. I would just talk to her very softly as I was going about my business. I sat down on the floor and read or watched t.v. Eventually, she came out from under the bed, but any noise would send her flying back. Even changing pages while reading a newspaper. 

Sit near her and have some treats ready, but let her set the pace. As far as the rest of the house, I'm not sure how big your house is. One floor? I'd leave the door open and let her decide how far she wants to travel.  

You'll get better advice than this, I'm sure. Kinda new at the cat thing myself - despite having 4 now! 8O


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## zoenoble (Dec 5, 2007)

we have a 2 bed flat so it's not huge, so I don't think it would scare her too much. She is definately getting a lot better...but actually, I think she might be a he!

I have just been playing with some string and I could see her properly for the first time and she has the same "bumps" as her brother...maybe the shelter couldn't see properly as she is jet black and obviously was very timid and shy when they got her. I had two female cats when I was younger and she doesn't look like them "down there"?

Looks like Ella is a fella! sorry couldn't resist;-)


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

That's so funny! Same thing has happened to members on this Forum. Sometimes you don't find out until you take them to get spayed and they need neutering instead!


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## hypertweeky (Nov 25, 2007)

zoenoble said:


> Hi everyone,
> My partner and I took home 2 beautiful 13 week old kittens from a shelter last sunday, and I'm looking for some advice on how to help a VERY shy kitten. They are brother (Iggy) and sister (Ella), and although the Iggy is very affectionate and will let you stroke him till the cows come home Ella won't even let you touch her, and will recoil when a hand is placed on her.
> 
> She will feed from our hand and sit near us but as soon as we try and touch her she runs away. I would love to know if there is a way we can build her confidence and show her that we are not going to harm her.
> ...


Takes small steps, you can hand feed her, once she is done gently rub her head for a couple seconds, then make small increments, she will be loving you up in no time.


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## faile (Sep 14, 2003)

my cat is very shy as well, she likes to be able to sniff a hand until she is satisfied before she will let anyone touch her. she does it to me sometimes, but she also follows me from room to room and can't have a closed door between us.

so i say give your kitty time, sit quietly with her so she gets comfortable with you and then begin getting her used to touching.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I think if Ella turns out to be a boy, you _should _change his name to *Fella*. It's cute and you'd have a funny story to tell people.


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## gunterkat (Aug 19, 2006)

Sometimes it's hard to tell with the little kittens. But, for future reference, males have : and females have ¡  
Congratulations on the new panther in your home! :jump


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## TrinityQuiet (May 18, 2007)

Make sure she sees when you send her brother into ecstatic fits from petting. It's how I used to tame wild cats...they'd see me paying attention to another cat, and stay to watch with fascination instead of running away. Do something that makes him meow with happiness, some vocal expression of pleasure. I swear they listen to that, and want some of what the other cat gets.


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## Nini (May 6, 2007)

I agree with the advice that has been given so far... You can sit on the floor reading or watching tv, not trying to approach her, but talking to her in a soft, soothing voice. Having some treats ready for when she does come close is a great idea. 

One thing that works well too, especially with kittens, is to build up their confidence and their trust in you through playtime. You can use furry mice, a feather wand, anything that s/he will be able to play with while being close to you, but not close enough that it will be threatening.

I used to do this with two feral kittens who otherwise would not let your hand even come close to them. After a good fifteen minutes of playtime, where they would completely forget about their fear, enthralled in chasing the feather, I would offer them a litte bit of their favorite canned food, and keep my hand close to the bowl. After repeating this a few times I was able to pet them as they ate, or after we played. 

Kudos to you anyhow for being willing to take it slow and help your kitty feel more at home every day... sounds like both of them found a great home!!  

Please keep us posted on your progress (and on the F/Ella enigma) :lol:


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## Mitts & Tess (Sep 4, 2004)

With kittens Ive fostered who havent had much human interaction I sit by the food when I feed them so they equate good feelings of eating with human presence. Touch them briefly while eating so they get use to you.

Im fostering two kittens right now. One is hand shy. Its taken me a month to a point where Penny doesnt flinch at the sight of my hand to pet her or pick her up. It just take patience and gentleness.


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## gunterkat (Aug 19, 2006)

I've had kitties who were hand-shy. It just takes time and patience to become the bringer of good things in their eyes.
Sam (Bridge kitty) was hand-shy when I first rescued him, and he turned out to be an angel.
:catrun


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