# Playfighting/wrestling with kitten



## Nini (May 6, 2007)

So the decision is made, we are going to keep Obi with us! He is a very energetic, confident, assertive little guy, and of course he loves to wrestle and pounce and bite everything that moves. He is pretty brutal, which is cool because he can play with the big cats and not be too overwhelmed, but he is often too much for Chewie and Wicket who tends to protest loudly when he handles them too roughly.

I know better than teaching a kitten that it is okay to attack hands and feet, and I taught Mew and Isis not to do it, rule that they respect religiously. Obi, however, is going to be "Hubby's cat", because he has never really bonded with the girls, and loves Obi's "doglike" personality (Hubby has always had dogs, never had cats before). To cut a long story short, Hubby wants a cat that will wrestle and horseplay with him (despite my warning that what is cute with a one pound kitten won't be quite as harmless with a fifteen pound grown cat). So be it, if that is what he wants.

Now my question is, can the cat be taught that it's okay for him to wrestle Hubby, but not me? I have the feeling that it is quite possible, and that by gently pushing him away with a stern "NO" whenever he goes for my hands and toes he will learn to stay away... but will he be able to grasp the difference between what's allowed and what's not with two different persons? I don't want to confuse the poor baby, so I want to do things right so he will get a clear idea of the rules in his head.

Anyone have suggestions, or cases like mine that worked out, or on the opposite, backfired?


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## AddFran (Jul 10, 2004)

I don't want to say a defninitive "No" because cats have been known to prove us wrong time and time again, but I'm inclined to think this is really a bad idea and that he will not distinguish the difference between both of your hands...and what about when you have guests?? 8O 

Can't you just recommend to hubby he get a "da bird" type of toy and play with him that way. I'm sure he'd get a big kick out of it as they tend to to flips in the air, etc. while trying to chase the bird...

I know he's a man and he's going to do what he wants, but if you can, talk him out of this, I don't think it's going to pan out very well.


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

I think that yes, Obi can learn the difference, but that's not the way to do it. In his eyes, what you're proposing to do (which we all do to teach a cat) is just showing him _personal preference_ which he's likely to disregard in the heat of excitement. What he needs to learn is that biting you _hurts_ you, and if he knows it hurts you, he instinctively will try to refrain from hurting you. So, getting bit, hurts, right? Well, then, react like you'd normally react upon getting hurt. With me, I'd jerk away from the pain, shout out a loud cuss word, and rub the injured part. Do whatever comes naturally to you.  

Incidentally, this is also how to teach cats that scratching you hurts you. They don't instinctively know that we aren't covered with protective fur. They can learn not only that, but they can even learn the difference between clothing and bare skin. My cats, will use a little claw to jump off a lap clad in jeans, but when I'm wearing shorts, any paw that's touching bare skin will have the claws sheathed.  

(Nini, I suspect you already know that -- I thought I'd throw it in for the general readership.) :wink:

But that all being said, I agree with Julie that hubby really should learn how to play with cats; that cats actually prefer being played with as described. Tell him it's a hunter/predator practicing its prey capturing & killing skills. Which it is. But might make a bigger impression than thinking of it as playing with a stick and a feather. :lol:


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## Nini (May 6, 2007)

We have a Da Bird, and a thousand other toys that Obi LOVES to chase. He does amazing backflips for a tiny kitty with such a big belly, and hauls butt after furry mice, balls, crinkly balls, other cats, his tail, ghosts etc... 

Ever since we got Mew and Isis I have explained Hubby a hundred times in different tones why it was not a good idea to let cats wrestle you. But he has a friend, and his cat Patty is a wrestler and a rough-player, and he and his friend love it... the cat is still very friendly, but she will get them good with her claws, and somehow this is not my idea of a good time :? 

He just does not mind the clawing and biting... he was brought up with pitbull puppies who were probably stronger than he was, and loves that kind of play. He is very disappointed that neither Isis or Mew will wrestle his hand, and even though he can play with Mew, Isis usually stays away from him. Granted, she is a snotty, one-person kind of cat, but still... after telling Hubby every single day that grabbing her by the tail and pulling on it - even very gently - is NOT the way to make friends with her, you would think he would get the message... but nope. So yeah I think he will do things his way with Obi, and I will have to be as tactful and cautious with the cat as possible, to avoid confusing him. I guess if I don't give him opportunities to roughplay with me, I will avoid most of the problem. I know for a fact that Hubby's friend WILL wrestle him whenever he comes over (he already does). If only Obi could understand that it's okay to roughplay with men but not with women :lol:


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

PS - I added the last paragraph while you were posting; I think it's important. :wink:


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## AddFran (Jul 10, 2004)

coaster said:


> So, getting bit, hurts, right? Well, then, react like you'd normally react upon getting hurt. With me, I'd jerk away from the pain, shout out a loud cuss word, and rub the injured part. Do whatever comes naturally to you.


HA! I do this with Phoebe as she bites when she gets excited during play, I let out a loud OUCCCCCH, rather than a loud cuss word, though...well most of the time. :lol:


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## Nini (May 6, 2007)

coaster said:


> But that all being said, I agree with Julie that hubby really should learn how to play with cats; that cats actually prefer being played with as described. Tell him it's a hunter/predator practicing its prey capturing & killing skills. Which it is. But might make a bigger impression than thinking of it as playing with a stick and a feather. :lol:


I completely agree with you, both on this and on the "it hurts" reaction. That is actually what I am doing with the babies right now. If they get on their backs and grab my hands and play gently, fine. Whenever they start using claw and teeth, I let out loud "OUCHIES", take away my hand, rub it and ignore them for a couple of minutes. If they are still too excited when they resume playing, I ignore them again. And yes curse words do often come out, in French :lol: 

I know Hubby will play with Obi the "right" way too. He loves to play with the Da Bird, or throwing mice in every direction for the girls to catch mid-flight... he can spend an hour just playing like that with them, so I know he will not spend the whole time wrestling with Obi, but he definitely wants it to be part of the game too. I think he expects doggie features from an animal who functions in a very different way, and he is setting himself up for disappointment... but sometimes you've got to learn the hard way :? 

PS: Did not mean to include refined gentlemen like you in the "men" category, Tim, by the way :wink:


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## coaster (Dec 1, 2004)

Ummmmmmmmmm......OK


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

Our first cat, Inky, would play "snake" with Hubby.

Hubby would 'point' all his fingers together to resemble a snakes head and use his forearm as the 'swaying cobra body' to entice Inky to play. At first, the snake would make a couple sharp jabs at Inky and 'bite' to encourage defense. Eventually, all Hubby had to do was put his hand/arm in the 'snake' position and Inky would LAUNCH himself through the air from over 10 feet away to attack the 'snake'! Hubby loved it. He didn't particularly like all the scratches, but he made sure he was wearing a heavy long sleeve shirt whenever he'd play snake with Inky.
I never tried to initiate it and Inky never tried to play snake with me.


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## gunterkat (Aug 19, 2006)

Sam just loved to play wrestle with me. I taught him to play gently with my unprotected hand, but I admit it cost me a few scratches. When Sam was young I wrestled with him, and when he hurt me I made a hurt cry and let him see me licking the scratch. I then folded my arms and the fun play stopped right there. 
A few times doing that and Sam learned that I wasn't protected by a beautiful fur coat. He kept his claws sheathed or only touched me with the tips of his claws, and only bit very softly. 
When Sam was older I bought a welding glove and used that to protect my hand so he could get a better workout. Sam really enjoyed the step up in play, and knew the difference between playing with my unprotected hand and playing with my gloved hand.
That play was the foundation of a bond of mutual trust, respect, and communication for which there are no words.
:luv rcat


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## Nini (May 6, 2007)

Wow, thanks Heidi and Gunterkat, you guys have had wonderful experiences with this... I hope we can teach Obi the same way! He's very smart, I have no doubt he should be able to get it fast. I will do my best anyway, and tell Hubby about the "let out a hurt cry and stop playing" trick - unless he really wants the scratches 8O 

The rescue lady I occasionnally help clean her house has an older cat who will wrestle your hand and arm very vigorously, never once letting you even feel his claws. I thought he was declawed, that's how gentle his paws were in the midst of very energic play - but then I saw him destroy the scratching post five minutes later :lol:


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## AddFran (Jul 10, 2004)

Sounds like the key is that your husband has to make it clear when Obi is being too rough. Along the same lines as what we do, but still setting some boundries.


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## Bethany (Jul 19, 2006)

Has he tried a Kitten Mitten? It sounds like the sort of thing they'd find fun.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

I would also like to caution you to be certain you inject lovey-times in among the wrestling times, too...or you're going to wind up with an aggressive cat that doesn't know when to stop 'playing'.

My mother had a persian kitten that people in our home (step bros) began to play rough with. The kitten did not like it and began to behave aggressively with everyone in an attempt to keep people away from himself. He never did warm up, even after the step bros left our home.


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## Nini (May 6, 2007)

Yes, that is important too. Hubby spends a lot of time cuddling with Obi, petting him, and just generally fawning over him :wink: He also plays a lot of different games with him: Da Bird, throwing mousies or balls, follow the feather wand up the couch of the cat tree... I will make sure he keeps doing things this way.

I do pet Obi whenever I pass him (like any cat in my household, whenever I pass them by I can't help giving them a scritchie or a kiss), and I play with him and the other babies a lot... he seems like a very assertive, but at the same time very "chill" little cat.


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## camel24j (Jan 12, 2007)

sadie (RIP) he use to play with my hand and even as a kitten he was so gentle he was always a good kitty but the 2 cats i have left wont play with me like that at all midnight she is i call her psyco becuse one second she is playing nice next she is trying to kill you and is a grump no clue why and she is the reson i dont want any more female cats. skeeter will wrasle with your feet but not your hands and he realy prefures to play with the dogs. i miss having a cat play with my hand all my animlas no the ouch is you hurt me and stop. and you think it is bad with a cat my bf love to wresle with my newf but luckily he seems to know he can only do this to me and my bf. i hate to say this but i find cats as smart as dogs the only difreance is cats are more out to live life and dogs are more to please you but both learn things really fast.


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