# cant stop thinking that i made the wrong choice



## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

well as some of you know my cat got put down the other week, he was taken to the vet cos he was limping, he was 20 and his back legs lacked muscles so they said it could be his kidneys, tests revelled they were fine, but the day after they said they had given him some fluids, and he wasn’t reacting to them at all, they said I could take him home but he would probably only live for a few days, so I chose to put him down, without thought cos I didn’t want him to suffer.

now my head is full of confusion, what if the vets were wrong, and he wasn’t dying, I mean they have been saying for years his kidneys were bad, when they finally did test them, they were fine. I have always felt (like may others) that my cat was special, I could never imagine him dying, he always seemed so healthy, right up till when I took him to the vet he had been eating, drink and using the toilet all fine, they weighed him at only 2.7kg, (6pounds), which I know is light, but I just cant help but think, that if I bought him home, he wouldn’t have died, he wasn’t meant to die.

at the vet, when he was in his cage, as I went to see him for the last time, his eyes opened up, he was so happy to see me, he kept trying to dab at me with his paw, at the time I thought he was playing, but I know my cat, he was telling me not to leave him there.

I’ve since been having nightmares about him...there’s just to many signs for me to think, I made the wrong choice and put my healthy cat to sleep?


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## Laudin (Jul 23, 2005)

I don't have that much experience with cats and end of life issues, but I work with cancer patients and had to go through the decision to put my horse to sleep two summers ago (due to many stomach tumors). I'm sorry that you're having to go through the doubt. The world works in mysterious ways -- maybe you can take some comfort in knowing that he went with dignity and that you did everything possible to help him. I know it's hard. When I chose to put Zoey to sleep (my pretty black horsie) I had so, so much doubt. All the what ifs (she was 9 years old, still doing fairly well), but 2 years later I feel at peace. She had a wonderful life and I did everything I could up until the very end. I still have framed pictures of her in my room and will always remember her, but over the past few months things have been better. My second experience came last month when my cancer patient died in front of me. It's so so hard, especially when you think that you're doing all the right things for someone else's well-being. Good luck and many hugs


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## Ioana (Jul 12, 2003)

I am truly sorry for your loss
He was 20 years and for a cat that is a very long life. The fact that he was limping says that he was probably in pain. And at that age I am sure everything is magnified. You have made his passage easier. 
Don't concentrate on the feeling of guilt. You are over stressing yourself in a way where you are causing yourself to have nightmares.Think about the positive memories you have from your kitty and what he has taught you, what you have tought him, how you touched each other's lives. You will have better dreams of him I assure you. Right now it is like I said, the stress and those mixed emotions causing you to hurt so much in your dreams as well.
I had dreams of pets that I had lost long after they had past and they looked all the time happy and in great shape.
The last baby I have lost, Dominique, appeared to me in a dream and nobody could see him but me. And I was extatic saying " he didn't die, can anybody else see him like I do?". Dominique then told me - "nobody can see me but you, don't worry anymore" and he left.
That was two weeks after he died (unexpectedly) and although I was still mourning his loss, was more in control and at peace with myself since I had to go out of town visit a friend and din't want to overwhelm her with my sorrow.
I wish you inner peace as well.
You can express your feeling here if you like..post pictures and tell us about your baby..sometimes it is too painful and sometimes it works..


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

aww thanks, i feel abit better now, i just miss him so much, it feels strange, thank you


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## mylittlezoo (Apr 9, 2006)

Jezza

I'm sorry for your loss. You will always have the great memories of your cat and in that way he will live with you forever.

You did the right thing. The vet let you know what to expect and instead of allowing his final memories to be ones of pain and suffering you allowed him to die with dignity. I'm a people doctor and so often I see what people go through with terminal illness. Often I feel we do a better job at preserving dignity in our pets than we do in our relatives.

Somewhere out there in spirit he is thanking you - for giving him a wonderful life and being a comfort for him in the end. May he rest in peace.


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## jezza (Oct 26, 2004)

awww, thank you, i have alot of great memories of him, he was a great cat, i just cant belive that i have to live the rest of my live with out him.


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## Lori (Jun 8, 2003)

I'm so sorry you had to make such a difficult choice. I too think it sounds like you did the right thing.


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