# Felling Guilty



## dlsfarris (May 23, 2009)

My 13 year old male neutered cat Bagheera (named after the panther on the Jungle Book) black short haired was put to sleep this morning. He had not been eating or drinking for 3 days and had not used the litter box in as much time either. He could barely move or even meow, he had lost weight and he was having a hard time walking, his hind legs were very wobbly and he was cold. Last night I sat and held him til 3:30 am and petted him. His eyes looked so distant. I was there with him through it all and we took him home to bury him. 

I had been feeding him warmed chicken broth thru a syringe. I knew he had to get some fluids in him and chicken broth would do both give him fluid and calories. I took him to the vet. I felt in my heart that he was dying but I needed to hear from a vet that was the fact. I worried it might be diabeties, kidney failure, heart problems, thyriod I had no idea. 

When I got to the vet they could not get a temp to register. He had fluid in his lungs also. The vets advice was that given his age and the serverity of the dehydration the best thing to do for him was to put him down. He did not run any test on him. He said the IV fluid on a cat this dehyrdrated would probably not do much if anything and that a cat at this age even if he recovered that the organ damage would more than likely cause him to go downhill rapidly again. So with that and the fact that I had no money to entertain heroic mesures the decision was made. I feel so guilty.... Could I have done more to save him? Did I make the right decision? I can't change the decision I made but the guilt and sadness is sooooo over whelming.

Seeing my beloved kitty deteriorating before my eyes completely broke my heart. He was a rescue kitty and a very true friend. When I was sick he was always by my side. He would reach out and pat me and blink his eyes as if to say "I know, I know" and "I love you." He would always come when called. He would sit at the door of our bedroom as if he was wating to be invited in. I would acknowlege him and invite him onto our bed. He was always contented just sitting with me and being near me. And I felt loved when he was there. I'm writing this partly because it helps me to talk about him and like I said the guilt of just giving in to put him sleep without test etc is killing me. I know he was in really bad shape I could see it. But did I do the right thing?

I guess I just need to hear from fellow cat lovers. 

Thanks  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((


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## Jeanie (Jun 18, 2003)

I give my pets every chance possible, but if the vet says it's time, I know there's no chance for an enjoyable life. I know it hurts. The tears are hard to stop, but you did what was necessary for Bagheera. 

I know he must have been beautiful. Black cats look and feel like black satin. I believe that God knows every sparrow that falls, and I'm sure He is surrounding your precious baby with His perfect love. You'll see him again. God bless you and bring you peace.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

dlsfarris said:


> ...the guilt of just giving in to put him sleep without test etc is killing me. I know he was in really bad shape I could see it. But did I do the right thing?


Of course you did the right thing for Bagheera, you made the most unselfish choice of all. You elected to let him go, to free him from his failing body to prevent further suffering, even though you knew it would break your heart to do it.
I believe it is this; the completely unselfish, most wonderful decision-of-love and greatest gift we can give to our pets. You did the most beautiful thing of all for your loved pet; you did RIGHT by your pet. You did what was right for your pet and not for you. 
Hugs and purrs to you for your courage. atback 
It sounds like there was probably nothing the vet could have done for your kitty, even if you had brought him in for every test under the sun. When a cat goes downhill so rapidly, that is usually an indication of a major problem. Testing may have only cuased him undue discomfort and stress, not to mention perhaps misguided and false hope for a cure on your end, which may have caused you to delay making That Final Decision. I think you did good. I think you did the right thing. I understand how hard it is. 
It is difficult that our pets do not live as long as we do. So, I keep the memory of the love I shared with my former pets alive by loving more cats for their lifetime. My goal, is to love as many cats for their lifetime, within my lifetime. It is not dishonoring to 'replace' a pet. I do not believe pets *can* be replaced. But I do believe there is always room in a pet-lover's heart for one more pet... 
Give yourself some time, and then see if there is maybe another cat, a different cat, who needs you just as much as you need them...so Bagheera's legacy will live on within the love you have for your pets.
heidi =^..^=


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## Kitty00776 (May 1, 2009)

You did what was best for him. My moms cat died a few months ago and we didnt take it to vet soon enough. Its horrible to have to watch her suffer and we know better now and will never let it happen again. It was better for him to go peacefully with you by his side.


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## marie73 (Jul 12, 2006)

I have a soft spot for black kitties, so this was heartbreaking to read.  

You did right by Bagheera. And I have to say, I like your vet, too.


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## dlsfarris (May 23, 2009)

Thanks so much to all of you that posted replys. I really needed to hear from you. I have been crying and going through the grief process. Im not sure where I am in the process. I do know my heart still aches and I want him back with me. But it has only been a day, well not even a day yet so Im sure it will get easier for me to accept that hes gone and the guilt of not pushing the Dr to try and rehydrate him will pass. God I hope it passes.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

dlsfarris said:


> God I hope it passes.


It will, it just takes time before you can think of them with smiles and laughter at sweet and funny memories, but it will happen.


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## love.my.cats (Jan 29, 2009)

Please don't feel guilty. I'm sure the vet wouldn't have reccommended it was the best thing if he didn't believe that. You're lucky you had a vet that did what was best for your baby straight up and didn't try to talk you into doing expensive tests just to make some money - sad but some vets will do it! 

Although it is a very hard & sad time for you, don't feel guilty, try to make peace in knowing that you did what was best for your boy and that he's not suffering, or in any pain.

The amount of time it takes before you start to feel better is different for everyone and everyone has their own different ways to help them get through it..


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## dlsfarris (May 23, 2009)

I wanted to put a picture of my sweet baby on here. I know cats like to sit on books etc. This picture is especially awesome. My husband had left his Bible open and Bagheera came over and laid on it. It looks like he had been reading and put his paw down as a marker so that he could find where he was reading after his picture was taken.  Maybe he was 










Your kind words have helped me a lot and I am getting better. I know the loss of his love and affection will grow into remembering him and all the wonderful things we shared and that is somewhat comforting to begin to look ahead. I know the grief comes on in waves. 

Last night we had a terrible storm and I found myself worrying about him being outside in the rain.  Silly I know. 

Thanks again. Glad I found this forum.


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## Heidi n Q (Nov 22, 2006)

We are glad to have you here, so we can help you transisiton through your grief. I hope one day we will be sharing in your joy of another pet. It will happen whenever you are ready for it, and we'll be here. 
I loved your story of the bible-Bagheera photo. I think that would be a special moment, too, and how great that you captured it in a photo that you can visually share with everyone.


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## Kobster (Feb 1, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Baghera sounds like he was a very special kitty who was very loved and well cared for his whole life. You loved him SO MUCH, that you put your own feelings aside, and did what was best for him by letting him go. Thats the greatest act of love possible. Tests are good, they tell us a lot of things, but after years of practice vets get to where they can just tell when an animal is in such bad shape recovery is unlikely. I think you can trust his assessment of the situation. You did the right thing hun. I hope you can rest easy in that. Hugs to you!


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